Much of what masquerades as growth is a narcissistic pursuit in a shrewd disguise.

What I’ve come to realize is that much of the time, when I think I’ve been growing, I haven’t really been growing. I’ve been trying to fix or improve myself.

The line between authentic growth on the one hand, and fake growth on the other, is an obscured landscape. Sometimes I think that I’m growing, and I really believe wholeheartedly that I am. Then I notice an undercurrent of duplicity, and when I dig deeper, I find that what was perpetrating as an authentic endeavor was really not. I wasn’t starting from a place of wholeness and expanding from there. I was trying to cure an invisible illness: my perceived inadequacy.

That inadequacy is a myth driven by the ego, and has nothing to do with real growth.

We’re already whole. Already complete. You don’t need to prove that to yourself by chasing hollow achievements. Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is.

Real growth has nothing to do with…

• Improvement (although you may inadvertently improve things, you don’t start from a place of trying to improve).
• Solely ego-based pursuits.
• Being more popular.
• Adding things to your resume, or your list of accomplishments.
• Inflating your self of entitlement.
• “Shoulds.”
• Making more money (though it might have something to do with creating more value).
• Competition.

On the other hand, fake growth is all about…

• A never-ending quest for [fleeting] fulfillment.
• Chasing empty pursuits.
• Doing new things for the “experience.”
• Changing for the sake of changing.
• Counting and measuring everything.
• Temporarily boosting your self-esteem.
• The future.

(On a side note: fake growth and “good ideas” seem to have a lot to do with each other.)

It’s a tricky business. You can think you’ve pulled all the weeds of in-authenticity and the next thing you know, you’re realizing you’re doing something for the sake of “growth” that doesn’t really matter. The prolificacy of fake growth often hides in hard-to-find corners of your mind. It often arrives in unassuming forms.

I’ve seen this happen too many time with myself.

• I’m trying to create a new habit (like early rising) because it’s a “rite of passage” for personal growth. But I don’t really care about it.
• I’m reading a book and I realize that I don’t give a shit about it. I bought it because I thought it would a good idea for me to learn about X topic.
• I’m pushing myself to learn something that I’m not really passionate about — like a new language for instance — because it’s a socially prestigious pursuit.
• I’m listening to music that I can’t stand to “expand my horizons.”
• I’m pursuing a business opportunity because I think it’s a good idea, and I later realize I’m not really passionate about it.

And the list goes on.

All of this stuff sounds pretty ridiculous when it’s laid out there. And when you think about it in hindsight, it is. But it tends to be much trickier than that when you’re up close and in the trenches.

The prolificacy of comfort

The other problem I’ve found is that often you think you’re really growing, but you’re just lying to yourself. Some part of you is comfortable. You’ve developed a nice little pattern that cushions you and keeps you safe.

So you rebel against the pattern a little, and you take a little bit of risk. This makes you feel good and you tell yourself you’re growing.

But you know that real growth would be much more uncomfortable. It would kill the pattern, and in its place would be an expansion of possibility.

Then there’s the fake growth addict

You know that part of you that wants to always reach the “next level”? That’s the fake growth addict.

Real growth isn’t about reaching another level. It’s not about constantly seeking something outside yourself. Real growth is about internal transformation. It’s about the realization that you are already whole. You are already complete. You are already more powerful than you can dare to imagine.

Real growth is about embracing that power and doing it fearlessly.

Fake growth consists of constantly chasing another bullet point to put on your life resume. Another higher data point on a never ending graph. Another fake credential you can spew off to an unimportant stranger at an unimportant party. Another merit badge that you tell yourself will really make you feel “accomplished.” Then you can finally cash in on your growth and be satisfied.

But you never do get satisfied, do you? The number one sign of fake growth is: constinual seeking.

The hidden secret of real growth: it doesn’t matter that much to itself

The truth about real growth is that real growth doesn’t need validation. It doesn’t need for you to approve or disapprove. It doesn’t need a stamp of validation or a letter of recommendation. It doesn’t need to be sanctioned by a regulated list of socially approved goals.

And here’s something else… Real growth doesn’t care that YOU call it growth.

It has no ego. It has no internal or external validation system.

That’s because real growth is beyond growth.

Real growth is about…

• Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.
• A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau.
• Liberation, not confinement.
• Fluidity, intuition, organicness, naturalness.
• The present moment.
• Starting from a place of wholeness.
• Accepting the reality of the situation as-it-is.
• Healing.
• Not being overly positive (denial) or overly negative (nihilistic).
• Real life, including all the warts, imperfections, blemishes, and scars.
• Accepting the things you don’t like; and upon realizing that you want to change them, facing them head on.
• Not simply swallowing a “think positive” placebo (denial).
• Community. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. It is supported by those around you, and your growth has a positive impact on your immediate circle, your community, and the world.

Fake growth leads to tumors. Real growth often does not notice it’s there. It’s integrated. It gets out of the way of itself. It doesn’t try to count and measure how fast or slow it is growing.

Real growth accepts that sometimes it’s not necessary

Too much growth leads to suffocation, bursted bubbles, and overpopulation. Radical, never-ending growth is not sustainable.

Real growth knows that sometimes it’s time to stop growing. Sometimes it’s time to let go, to move on, and yes, to decline. Growth and decline are two sides of the same pole. Without one, the other can’t exist.

In the end, real growth knows that it doesn’t really matter. It’s not just about rising vertically, or expanding horizontally. Real growth knows that what goes up, must come down, and what expands, must contract.

True growth often leads to stillness. And sometimes the most formidable growth… is none at all.

On the other hand, everyone talks about the beauty of open-source conversation within the social web. Everyone contributes, everyone can chime in. Everyone pretends that no one really owns anything. “We’re all in this together” is the mantra of those who own branded spaces online.

For a long time, I’ve been thinking about this interesting phenomenon. Everyone wants their ideas to spread, but some people don’t like it when their followers become leaders within “their” conversation. Because they want to own the space. They want the deed to the conversation.

Here’s a newsflash:

No one can own a conversation.

You can stimulate. You can lead. You can provide the vision and the platform. You might even have started the conversation.

But that still doesn’t mean you own it.

So don’t get hurt if your followers become leaders. Don’t take it personally if someone steals your limelight or improves your idea. Don’t feel threatened if someone else profits from your ideas.

Because honestly…

We’re all thieves.

Dirty. Corrupt. Rotten Crooks.

We all borrow, we all steal. We all pretend at some point that we came up with it first. But no one did. No one really ever starts anything. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. We’re all influenced by leaders, peers, followers, and friends. What we do is just a mashing of a million different ideas, filtered through our own unique perceptions, views, and conceptions.

So, if you think you own an idea… get over yourself.

You don’t own the conversation. You don’t own the idea. You don’t even own the words you used to formulate it.

You can’t copyright a vision. You can’t patent a movement. You can’t possess what can’t be seen.

That’s because…

An idea is bigger than you.

Something to stand for is more important than the person standing for it. A vision is more important than the person providing it. A movement is bigger than the people moving it.

The people are important. Leaders are important. But they are never more important than the principle or the idea itself.

I should probably note here that I don’t mean it’s okay to blatantly rip someone off. But it is okay to be inspired by others, to share ideas, to mix, and meld.

And if you were obviously inspired by someone else, and what you’re doing looks pretty similar to what they’re doing… give them some credit. Your work might not have happened if it weren’t for theirs.

But let’s not pretend that any of us really own anything. Because we don’t. Our lives are temporary. We don’t own our ideas, we don’t even own our bodies.

Long after us, someone else will be living for the same reasons you are. They will be working toward similar things you are. A conversation, an idea, a principle is not constrained by space and time.

So remember, it’s not about who started it. It’s about what we’re doing with it.

Why not do something beautiful, and leave it for others to decide who owns what?

Since then, I’ve modified my eating to about 60-80% raw. Some of the challenges I’ve faced have been:

• How to manage sharing meals with a non-raw eater.
• Finding variety.
• Overcoming cravings for cooked and unhealthy foods.

My biggest challenge has been overcoming the social aspect of eating raw. Since my wife is not a raw eater (she eats a lot of raw food, but has no interest in being 100% raw), this was particularly challenging for me. Part of the way she shows love and affection is by cooking for me. I don’t want to take away that intimacy from our relationship, so I’ve compromised a lot of the time on what I will eat.

The reason I’m telling you this

I’m a firm advocate of having a social network of support whenever you want to make a big lifestyle change. I did this while making the shift to working for myself, and it helped tremendously. I’ve applied a similar approach with many other interests I wanted to pursue, but not with eating raw.

Since I’m trying to change that, I thought it would be cool to get raw expert, Nathalie Lussier, on the phone to answer my and your questions about what it takes to eat raw.

On the call we’ll be talking about:

• What eating raw means, and why it’s such a big deal.
• What to do when your spouse or partner isn’t raw, but you want to be.
• Dealing with social situations while maintaining the raw lifestyle.
• How to overcome unhealthy food cravings for good.

I’m really excited about this chance to talk with Nathalie, and get some of the insights she’s gained through coaching people to become raw.

How to get on the call

When: Wednesday, October 21st at 2pm Pacific, or 5pm Eastern.

How much is it? It’s totally free.

Will it be recorded? Yes, if you can’t make it to the live call, it will be recorded and emailed to you. But you must register in order to get the link to the recording.

Click here to join us, and reserve your spot on the call.

Remember, even if you can’t make it to the live call, it will be recorded. So make sure you register to reserve a spot.

See you Wednesday.

I’ll be honest, I don’t need you to join. The class is near capacity right now (about three spots left), and I’m ready to kick this thing off next Wednesday.

This isn’t about me, it’s about you. If you want to make sure that you don’t put off taking the plunge (and making getting paid to do what you love work), this program is for you.

Let me say right now, there are other paths to making this work. I’d be a liar if I said this program is the only way… it’s not.
It’s just one way to follow someone who’s done it, and do it alongside with 50 other people that will be supporting you every
step of the way.

You have 12 hours to sign up. The doors close at 12:00am midnight Pacific Standard Time.

http://paidtoexist.net/

PS: I’m not sure when I’ll be teaching this class again. If you want to make this happen, don’t miss this chance.

That’s the typical puritanical mindset. Work for others’ benefit, get a paycheck (to make it seem like you really got something out of it), then suck it up.

This is how this paradigm works:

1. Work to deliver someone else value, while doing something that we don’t enjoy (self-sacrifice).
2. Get a paycheck, and then trick ourselves into believing that the paycheck is enough to make up for the fact that we don’t care much for what we do.

Well, it doesn’t have to be this way anymore. You don’t have to sacrifice your self.

And the good news is, when you actually care about the value you deliver, you can deliver more of it and do it better.

I’ve seen too many people do this, and it makes me sad.

I’ve seen too many people sacrifice themselves, for someone else’s benefit. And while altruism can sometimes be good, at some point it becomes poisonous to the giver.

If you’re in this rut, I’ve designed a program to help you opt-out of this win/lose situation. You can give other people value, and do what you love at the same time. In other words, you can get paid to do what you love. You can get paid to exist.

It’s time for a new paradigm.

The doors to this program opened up yesterday. A lot of people have signed up and my inbox has been flooded with questions about this program.

Would you like to learn how to create an income doing what you love? Go here, take a look, and sign up if you think it’s right for you.

If you have any questions about whether or not the program is right for you, I’d like to you to email me and let me know. I know a lot of people so far think this is a great program, but they’re not sure if it’s right for them in their specific situation. So, if you have any questions or specific concerns, I’d like to answer them for you.

Enrollment is now open, but it is limited to 50 people. And the enrollment will close on Sunday, October 11th.

If you want to make sure you get in, and actually make this happen for yourself, once and for all…

Go here to sign up now.

For much of my life, I rebelled against things. I thought the “system” was my enemy and I wanted to deconstruct everything.

And I felt like society was “against me.”

So for much of my teenage and adult life, I sought to break things down. I did whatever I could to discredit the establishment. I looked for holes and pointed them out. I saw the faults and the hypocrisy and I thought, “Why are so many people following these fakes?”

I rejected pretty much everything.

But the truth is, I started to feel pretty lonely. Even though I hung out with other “nonconformists,” I still felt like I was on my own.

Then I realized that I had rebelled against pretty much everything. And I was left alone.

I isolated myself because I thought everything was fake. It turns out that what I was really doing was rebelling against myself.

After spending my whole life breaking things down, I realized that I overlooked building something beautiful. After a life of being against everything, I forgot to think about what I was for.

I used to spend a lot of time thinking about everything I wanted to quit (my day job at the top of the list). I thought about all the things I wanted to “drop out” from: society’s rules, the life template, etc.

Well, while I was busy trying so hard not to sell out, I had really souled out. I was so consumed with not being down with that, that I wasn’t down with anything.

I’ll tell you right now: that’s a pretty shitty place to be. When you spend all your time critiquing, judging, and deconstructing, you’re not living. You’ve created a vacuum where you can live with the illusion that you’re “safe” from all of society’s “falseness.”

Well intentioned deconstruction turns into pretentious rejection.

The reason I’m telling you all this stuff

I think a lot of people get stuck on this path. We realize that there are problems, and we realize that some things should be questioned and broken down.

But it’s too easy to spend your whole life “breaking things down” without building anything up.

Because that’s the whole point isn’t it? Otherwise everything you’ve dropped out of is in vain.

I’ve spent the past year really thinking about this. I thought I wanted to quit my job to escape. But what I really wanted was to create something worth living for.

I think that I’ve done that here.

I want to help you create something beautiful

Next week, I’ll be launching a program that is designed specifically to help you not just “drop out” of mind-renting, but “opt-in” to living on purpose, and getting paid to do what you love.

I know how frustrating it can be to not be where you want to be. You want something different, but you’re not sure what that is yet. You might have an idea, but it’s not yet clear.

I can help you get clear about the direction you want to head.

I also know how difficult it can be when you know where you want to go, but you’re just not sure how to get there. You know where you want to be, you’re just not sure what steps to take. You don’t have a plan. And if you do, you’re not sure that it will work.

I can help you nail down the exact steps you need to take, AND help you create a plan that will make it inevitable you succeed.

Because it’s not just about breaking things down. It’s about building something up. Building something that you can live for. Something you can be excited to wake up to. Something that you know will make a difference, and make you feel fulfilled.

That’s what I want to help you with. Creating a living doing something that you’re passionate about, you’re gifted at, and that makes a difference in the world.

I hope you’ll join me this Tuesday when we’ll start working side-by-side to make this happen for you. I have to be honest with you though… I’m limiting this course to only 50 highly motivated individuals so that I can devote as much time as possible to everyone. A lot of people have already told me how excited they are about this, so it’s likely the spots will fill up quick.

To make sure you reserve a spot, and if this sounds like something you might benefit from…

CLICK AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE IN.

There are many things in life that you will take great pleasure in doing that will not be comfortable. You may dread them. You may even begin imagining ways you could painlessly end your time here on earth to avoid the task at hand.

It’s funny, isn’t it? We know security is a myth. Yet, we often act in a way that favors comfort over fulfillment.

I know that I, personally, have acted in this way many times. I do what I want when the risk is minimal. I tell myself that there are really no other choices, when in reality, there are choices everywhere. They’re just not very comfortable.

So the question is this: does feeling good really matter?

You would think so, right? But the exact opposite is true in reality. It’s often when you think you’re the most comfortable that there’s a subtle undercurrent of dissatisfaction.

You’ve settled. And a little part of your soul dies.

The main reason you settle is because the unknown is not an agreeable place to reside; you can’t predict what will happen. But most of all, you settle to protect your ego.

That’s because your ego doesn’t like it when you can’t predict the future. It doesn’t like knowing that your choice — the one that will really make you feel content — may end up failing. When your ego can’t predict the outcome, it goes into survival mode. It’s easier to take the safe, predictable path.

But we all know deep down that survival is a temporary bet, anyway. Security does not exist in reality.

So what’s the alternative?

Ignore yourself.

Choose to act in a way that may scare you, may not make you feel good, but will leave you feeling fulfilled. Choose the path that calls to your heart; the one that may be dark, obscure, and strewn with obstacles. That is the path worth traveling.

Whether you are compelled to do something comfortable or not, your job is to face the calling. Do not think about comfort or discomfort. Do what would make you feel most alive.

If you find it hard to stop thinking about the pain or difficulty a challenge may cause you, remember that you don’t have to listen to your thoughts. If you don’t like what you have to say to yourself, you have the option of ignoring yourself. I do it all the time.

The more you practice ignoring the thoughts you don’t like, the more they’ll learn it’s no use trying to persuade you.

This is what I like to call “artful ignorance.”

Once you grasp this, you’ll inherit Internal Harmony. That is the ultimate goal. When you’re in harmony internally, comfort and discomfort are not important to you. You just do whatever is most aligned with your values.

Don’t do what you think will make you happy. Don’t do what’s comfortable.

Feeling good is not important.

Fulfillment is something you can’t trade. For anything.

Last year, I did a round up of the best posts on Illuminated Mind. This year I wanted to up the ante.

For the next 24 hours (since I’m turning 24 today), you can get my ebook half off. That’s 50% off the listing price. I’ll also donate 50% of whatever sales I make in those next 24 hours to Kiva.

Reclaim Your Dreams usually sells for $25. Today you get it for $12.50. Pretty rad, right?

Enter the code “halfoff” at checkout and you’ll get your discount.

I hope you enjoy this (small) gift. Thanks for giving me another awesome year with this blog. Thank you for kicking so much ass and giving me the opportunity to be a part of such an amazing community. You are the reason I do this stuff.

PS: If you haven’t seen me around lately it’s because I’ve been holed up in a cave working on a massive project. Paid to Exist: The Unschool will be launching on October 5th. This course will be 100% focused on guiding you step-by-step to making an income online doing what you love. To say I’m excited about this course would be a huge understatement.

If you want to be updated when enrollment opens, make sure you get on this list — you’ll also get the Passion + Profits Test as a free gift. Sign up here to make sure you’re notified when we launch.

So, I’ve fixed that. I’ve created a brand new coaching program that solves all of those problems.

It’s called the Break Free coaching program.

How it works:

1. What’s in it: Two 45 minute sessions, a week apart.
2. Session one: Reignite your fire, resurrect your passion. We’ll review where you’re at, what your blocks are, and how to break through them… for good. Clarity is the mission here.
3. Session two: Design your success master plan. We’ll discuss the most important actions to create the fastest, biggest results. Change, excitement, and a plan is what this session is about.
4. Follow up. I review and email you my best ideas and tips for your long-term success.

Who I help the most

I work with people that want to break free from the typical “life template.” Whether that means 9-5′ers that want to break free from the cubicle, or entrepreneurs that want a new direction. I’ll help you divorce the dead-end pursuits, and find the path that makes you come alive.

What will you get?

1. A plan. You’ll know where you need to take action that will create tangible results.
2. Unstuck. You’ll figure out what blocks you and have a plan for tackling those blocks head on.
3. Direction. We’ll define the most important, and highest leverage activities, so you know that what you’ll be working on will actually make a difference.
4. Support. You get to work with someone who’s been where you want to be, and done what you want to do. (That would be me.)
5. Freedom. No more wondering if you should get started because you’re not sure. No more anxiety because you feel powerless. Knowing that your choices will actually get results before you start is an awesome, incredibly freeing experience.

How to get started

1. Click the “Buy Now” button below, and confirm your spot.
2. I’ll send you the Break Free coaching questions to get to know you a little better.
3. We’ll figure out the best two dates and times for us to meet, either by telephone or Skype. It’s up to you.
4. We’ll start kicking ass and get you on the path to major success.
   

Please give Justin a warm welcome. I think you’ll like what he has to say. It’s an important message.

——

What are you afraid of failing at?

Taking risks, doing things that are outside your comfort zone, or making mistakes? You’ve heard the question “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” Well, writer and business man, Og Mandino, did this question one better. When he was asked what the secret of success was, he replied, “You should triple your rate of failure.”

What could you get from trying to fail?

• You learn. You get a direct insight that is going to stay with you better than reading any blog post. This can be even more effective if you keep a record of what caused you to fail.
• You get through it. Every time you fail, you learn a little more about what you can take. You learn more about who you are, and what you’ve got in you. You realize, “Yes, I can get through this. I’ve survived this and now I’m ready for more.” You know the future is going to be awesome.
• You get perspective. Most of the things you worry about happening will never happen. It’s like being afraid to look under the bed with a flashlight because you are scared of what may get you. If you look anyway, to your utter disbelief you find … the cat. Sure, something is going to happen when you try, but when you actually try to fail, you will find that even messing up is almost never as bad as you think it is.
• You stop worrying about what others think. You are trying to do all the things that you thought meant failing. What is someone else going to say to stop you, “you might fail”? You are now free to say, “du-uh”!

What about tripling your rate of failure?

If you want to triple it, you can’t afford to stay down. You fail, get up, and you do it again. You keep trying to fail, until you get so good at it that you miss the mark. Then, when you fail at failing, you’ve just made the mistake of succeeding. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all.

So what are the best ways to fail?

• Make sure you do the things you want to do. As awesome as it is to go against the flow … make sure that it’s your flow that you go with. If you go with everything that every other rebel does, then it’s just as bad as if you followed the mainstream. Listen to your own voice.
• Look for where the risk of not trying is higher than the risk of failing. You only have one life to live, and it’s not going to live itself without you. Do not go to the end of your life without making sure that you didn’t waste it!
• Always get up and try again. Commit to following through. It is going to take time to fail as many times as you need to. If every time you fail, you get back up, you will just keep getting a little better.

It’s always possible to fail, so why fight it? Run head first at the things you were afraid of failing at. People learn best through trial and error.

Make the errors.

There will never be a time when you know that you won’t fail. So what? Instead of trying to trick your mind into thinking that failure is impossible, embrace the possibility of failure. It’s just not worth living your life in fear of failing.

So, I dare you to try to fail.

You just might make the mistake of succeeding.

About the author: JS Dixon is a personal development blogger at AlittleBetter.net. His blog focuses on personal development a little bit at a time.