I just made that up.

Or maybe I heard it someplace and I don’t remember—-which is definitely possible.

Either way, it suits what I want to say— which is a salute to Betty White —soon to be host of Saturday Night Live—-and longtime resident of Carmel.

I’ve never seen her around town; but I thought of her yesterday when I was sitting with a friend in a coffee shop.  At the next table were two men and a woman, talking and laughing so hard tears were rolling down their cheeks.  I couldn’t help looking over—not because they were annoying, but they were having so much fun, I wanted in on the joke.

Finally they got up—two with their canes and one with a walker, still laughing as they shuffled out the door.

I thought to myself— that is exactly who I want to be   fifty years forty years MANY years from now.

If you live long enough, you get the last laugh.

Did I already say that?

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I write this post spouting my own opinions on marriage. A few hours later, I sit down to watch the Marriage Ref for the first time.

You’ve seen the previews.  It’s the new show from Jerry Seinfeld, who recruited celebrities —who take turns sitting on the panel.

I didn’t watch the first episode last week.  It featured my guy  Alec Baldwin;  I didn’t want to risk seeing a show that could ruin his appeal.

This time the couples embroiled in disputes are getting advice from those noted marriage experts:  Ricky Gervais.  Larry David.  And Madonna.

Need I say more?

If you haven’t seen the show, don’t worry—- I can’t possibly spoil it.

This is quite a trio…. I’m willing to hear their thoughts on marriage.   Actually—individually and/or collectively— I’d listen to them talk about anything they want.

My main issue with the Marriage Ref isn’t the celebrities;  it’s  the contestants.  I’m thinking the same thing I always think when I watch any reality show:

What kind of people would be willing to humiliate themselves and disclose  personal and embarrassing secrets in public?

And then I realize……

……isn’t that what I’m doing here?

As I said — I deserve this.

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Did you see this??

Married 85 years.

I can hardly process the idea of living that long— much less living with the same person.

Then again, this could be a little ADD in me—I can’t even write a blog sticking to the same topic.   I  like variety in everything– food, work, clothing … maybe this extends to people.

When we were newlyweds, H and I spent weekends glued at the hip.   We knew a couple with a long marriage and 3 kids—and we’d wonder why they didn’t spend their free time together.  She did her thing, he did his;  we didn’t get it.

I get it now….. (P.S.  H and I split up—and that couple is still married.)

With small kids,  I used to dread losing that extra pair of hands.  Once the kids are self-sufficient, it’s another story.    When I was divorced,  I learned to appreciate the value of being on my own….and the benefits of marital separation.

Not THAT kind….I’m talking temporary separation —as in travel—when one of us is out of town.

I maintain there are two kinds of wives: the ones who love when their husbands are out of town, and those who love it but don’t admit it.

This has to start with basic trust.  If you believe in your marriage, I’m a believer in  long leashes.  And they go in both directions.

I travel alone a lot.  And I can think of far worse things than having a hotel room or a friends’s guest room ..…or the house—–to myself.  Like I do right now while V is gone.

I have no guilt over how late I stay up....and no wondering if the toilet seat stays down.

The bedside lamp stays on.   ESPN stays off.

Personal space is highly underrated.   And I  think a little absence is great for a relationship.

I’m always happy when V leaves.   And I’m almost always happy when he gets back.

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……I probably don’t.

While reading this,  I bet you’re also checking the stock market……doing laundry…….putting on makeup……. talking to your husband….. sitting on a plane or on a toilet.

Or maybe all of the above.

I used to wonder how kids could pay attention to music and TV and Facebook and 15 different windows open on the computer…… while doing their homework.

It’s been years since I witnessed a face-to-face conversation involving a teenager who wasn’t simultaneously using a phone to text or play games.

But I can’t blame it all on age when I rarely get behind the wheel…..and barely get through a meal…. without peeking at my Blackberry.

Multi-tasking is multiplying with the use and usefulness of our electronic extensions of ourselves.

Today I read about an event at the White House, where the speakers included the President, First Lady and Madeline Albright— where the audience kept looking down at their cell phones.

The President doesn’t command our attention.

And the ultimate multi-task: -15% of Americans admit they interrupt the act of sex—to check the cellphone.

Is nothing sacred?  Is there anything that gets your undivided attention anymore?

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To honor International Women’s Day, women are telling inspiring stories— of remarkable and courageous women around the world; of women helping women; of women who made it possible for them to succeed.

I feel so fortunate, to live in the United States;  where for the most part, women have the rights and the ability and the tools to change the world, and ourselves, for the better.  Although that, too, can require the help of another woman to make possible.

For me, on International Woman’s Day, one story stands out—of a young woman who came to the United States from El Salvador to make a better life for herself and her children.  In doing that, she helped  make a better life for mine.

It couldn’t have been easy for Elizabeth to come to Los Angeles, where I met her when she was a young mother herself— helping me with my two children.  Due to circumstances for both of us, she came in and out of my life several times.

When I was a single working mother, she helped me stitch together a fragile hold on my life and equally fragile state of mind.  She helped me pick up the pieces of our home that were shattered after an earthquake.    And she helped me pack up and leave Los Angeles to re-settle my children into our new lives in Carmel.

Life was equally hectic, and I missed having Elizabeth close by—-especially when a bomb blasted into my new life after less than a year.

The first weeks of cancer were a blur;  I  was facing a year of treatment,  with a chemotherapy regimen more rugged than what is standard for breast cancer today;  with no idea where or how I would find anyone to help.

When I came up for air after surgery, I was still drowning in fear.   I longed for the familiar and comfortable;  but I had no mother or family member to come to the rescue; no support system in my new community.

Into this haze of fear and hopelessness,  Elizabeth came back into my life like a mirage would appear to a traveler wandering in the desert.

Without being asked, she  uprooted herself from her job and her teenage daughter in Los Angeles,  moving here to care for my children—and to be the mother I couldn’t be.  She took care of them—and me—when I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed;  at times she literally had to feed me– -sustenance and support.  She did far beyond what could be expected or asked.

She cared for us because she cared;  she stayed for months, I wish she could have stayed forever.

There is no way I could ever repay Elizabeth, for the gift she gave me;  no way I could honor her sacrifices or those of her daughter….in exchange for the comfort and security she provided my children, who trusted, and love her to this day.

On International Women’s Day, no  articles will tell her story– or those of other women who help many of us make a better world for our children.   That’s why today seems the right time to honor a woman who reached out to me in my time of greatest need—who was there for me just because she knew I needed her to be.

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1.   The biggest mystery at the Oscars—other than the whereabouts of  Brangelina— During the opening, people were wondering:  what’s going on between Alec Baldwin and George Clooney?

If you read my blog,  you know what’s behind their hostile stares.  It’s my fault and I”m embarrassed that this spilled out in front of a world wide audience. I think it’s time for the guys to call a truce.   Besides….

2.    George proved he’s a good sport even before losing the Oscar.  Before the show, before the red carpet,  he stopped to meet and greet fans down the street waiting  behind a fence..    It could have been my favorite moment.

3. My least favorite moment :  Academy voters had to be blind to side with Sandra Bullock.  Loved her dress; loved her speech; but I think her Oscar belongs to Meryl Streep.

4.  Most satisfying moment: Kathryn Bigelow provides the Biggest—and only– surprise of the night.  By winning Best Picture, The Hurt Locker strikes a blow for low budget movies,  women, and ex-wives everywhere.

5.   In the end it’s all about the clothes……on the night we all get a free pass to be snarky.   For me, the lingering image of the 2010 Oscars is an Oscar wrap-up in 4 words:  What was she thinking??