I Am Guilty Of Blogging

Limiting the Gene Pool, One Nut Shot at a Time

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 14:36:00 +0000

In case you haven't noticed, it's Friday... and time for your weekly distraction from work. This week's gem comes from my proclivity for watching human trainwreck videos on YouTube. For the most part I enjoy watching people suffer the consequences of their own idiotic actions, and this compilation video of guys taking themselves out of the reproductive pool allowed me to do just that.

In Which I Lampoon the Renaissance Faire...

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:58:00 +0000

If you live in the U.S., you know that August through October is Renaissance Faire season. That's not to say that there aren't Ren Faires at other times of the year - in fact they can be held year-round depending on the venue - but it seems that late summer through fall tends to be the busiest time for these weekend retreats into the middle ages.

With apologies to any of my friends and family who may be offended, I must say that I do not understand the appeal of Renaissance Faires and, quite frankly, I have a really hard time taking them seriously. So, after passing a billboard for an upcoming "RenFaire" on the highway last night I decided to come up with some catchy new slogans for these now seemingly ubiquitous events. Admittedly, most of these slogans take advantage of the various stereotypes and stigmas associated with Renaissance Faires and the people who attend them; clearly, I know that not all people fit the molds cast by such judgements... but, admittedly, without said stereotypes and stigmas I'd have no funny material to use.

Here are my slogan ideas:

"Your local Renaissance Faire: promoting abstinence-only sex education since 1982!"
"RenFaire: Another weekend. Another swordfight with the guys."
"Renaissance Faire: Why have sex when you could be LARP-ing instead?"
"RenFaire 2009: Where violence against women is not only acceptable, it's encouraged!"
"RenFaire: Keeping the Halloween Store in business year-round since 1995."
"Renaissance Faire: Crushing parents' dreams of having normal children since 1984."
"The Renaissance Faire: Where everyone understands that Middle English crap you speak."
"Renaissance Faire: Why meet women when you can wrestle with men in tights?"
"RenFaire: It's not the size of your sword that matters, it's how you use it."
"RenFaire: When you just can't make it to Medieval Times..."
"Ladies, come to RenFaire, where EVERY man is an eligible bachelor. Guaranteed."
"RenFaire: Where you can always find a noble man (and his mother)."
"Renaissance Faire: Enabling adults' fantasies of moving out of their parents' houses since 1992."

Have a few slogan ideas of your own? Hit up the comments section and give it your best shot...

Stop Working and Take a Wii Break

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:47:00 +0000

I was going to call in sick with the swine flu today (first sunny day in a week here in Philly...), but I thought that would be a disservice to people who hate their jobs more than I do — namely that guy who has to mop up the peep show booths.

Anyway, you're at work right now and let's face it: you wish you weren't. I can't give you the swine flu, but I can give you some funny vids to help you pass the time. Since I'm a big fan of the Nintendo Wii I decided that all of today's videos will have a Wii theme...

And here... we... go!

Hump Day 5/6/09

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:32:00 +0000

Hopefully you're not feeling the pain this morning from too much tequila last night... but if you are, here's a Borat clip to get you going this morning.

Borat - Driving Instructor Movies & TV SPIKE.com

What Did the Five Fingers Say to the Face?

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:29:00 +0000

So in the spirit of yesterday's Slap Chop remix I'm bringing you yet another remix that I found on YouTube today.

For those of you who know of Chappelle's Show, the scene from which this is derived should be instantly recognizable...

You're Gonna Love My Nuts!

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:09:00 +0000

I don't know why, but I just can't stop watching Steve Porter's remix of the Slap Chop commercial (featuring our friend Vince, who's no stranger to the Slap Chop himself). Just thought I'd share...

Guilt of the Day 5/4/09: Carve Deeper Next Time

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:29:00 +0000

There seems to be little debate these days about the state of our education system in the U.S.: it's broken, plain and simple. Why? Well, many parents want to blame teachers, and although they're not always wrong in doing so, many times placing blame on teachers is misguided. Having once stood in front of a classroom of teenagers myself, I can say that 99.9% of the time teachers are trying to look out for every student's best interests in the classroom. And, to be honest, every state-certified teacher I've ever met is at least qualified to teach the roughly 70% of students who fall into the "average" range of aptitude (sorry Mr. and Mrs. Jones, but your kid most likely falls into that 70% and is not really special).

But, nonetheless, our education system is broken.

Case in point: Carlos Polanco, a Los Angeles teacher who ridiculed one of his students for his failed attempt to commit suicide allegedly told the student to "carve deeper next time," kept his job following the incident despite the fact that the LA School Board voted to fire him.

Really? Seriously??? Yes. Seriously.

In a nutshell, Mr. Polanco was able to keep his job because of beaurocratic policies that allow terminations to be overturned, among other things.

Unfortunately, situations like these are fairly commonplace, especially among unionized school districts — it can take several years and tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to terminate a teacher who is performing poorly in the classroom; in some instances even teachers who commit the most egregious acts are put on paid furlough indefinitely until a final decision is made regarding their termination.

Even more unfortunate is the fact that most teachers who are involved in misconduct, like Mr. Polanco, get to keep their jobs because it is both too costly and too time-consuming to make a strong enough case for termination against such a teacher.

My opinion is that teachers' unions wield far too much power for their own good, and will often come to the aid of their members who conduct themselves in a manner unbecoming of the classroom while rallying around the war cry of wrongful termination. Because let's face it: if they allow a teacher to be fired for making fun of a kid who tried to kill himself, then the next thing you know school districts will want to fire teachers because they suck at their jobs.

Can't have that, now can we?

(source: LA Times via Fark)

Hump Day 4/29/09

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:44:00 +0000

"...it would be a lot better if they called it 'HSIOW: Holy Shit! It's Only Wednesday!'"

- George Carlin

So here I am and it's Wednesday. Hump Day. I haven't yet gotten a Guilt of the Day out to you this week, although there's good reason for that. This week is just not my week, what can I say? Anyway, so as not to leave you in the void I'm getting this video out to you today... I needed a laugh today and I figured you could use one too.

Note: This video is potentially NSFW, so watch at your own risk!

There are better things to do at work than work

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:09:00 +0000

In the spirit of Earth Week I've decided that you should waste some time this Friday morning by watching these helpful environmental tips courtesy of the "Green Team" at FunnyOrDie.com

Guilt of the Day 4/22/09: Kindergartener Sent Home With More Than Homework In His Backpack

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:49:00 +0000

When I saw the handwritten note on the left I thought that the teacher who wrote it was referring to the kid. Honestly. Because, let's face it, some kids are little turds.

BUT NO... she was referring to AN ACTUAL PIECE OF SHIT that she found in her classroom and SENT HOME with the student to whom she thought it... uh... belonged.

Now I'm no child psychologist, but I feel pretty confident that sending a 5 year old kid home with poop in his backpack is going to screw him up for life. Just sayin'.

Check out the source link below for more on the story.

(source: KOMONews)

Have you ever had an unfortunate sharting accident in school? Share your anonymous confession with us at http://iamguiltyof.com

Guilt of the Day 4/20/09: Vegas TSA Officials = EPIC FAIL

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:25:00 +0000

Keep this in the back of your mind the next time you're hopping on a flight out of McCaren Airport: the guy sitting next to you may have checked a bomb on board. That's right, I said it: B-O-M-B.

Just when you thought those 9/11 Security Fees you've been paying for the last 7 years have been put to good use, it turns out that we apparently have some stupid motherfuckers working for the TSA. A U.S. Marine was arrested on Sunday at Logan Airport in Boston after it was discovered that he had an undeclared handgun in his checked luggage, along with "several boxes of 9 mm and 7.62 mm ammunition, three model rocket engines containing an explosive mixture, military pull-type fuses, switches, electronics kit boxes with various components, and a hand grenade fuse assembly with detonator," according to the article on Boston.com.

You might be thinking that I'm wrong - clearly the TSA was doing its job. Nope. This military man's sojourn in Boston was a LAYOVER. His originating flight was out of Las Vegas, NV, where apparently TSA officials were completely blind to the collection of guns and ammo in the man's suitcase. In fact, the only reason that this man's paraphenalia was discovered is that baggage handlers mistakenly sent his luggage to baggage claim rather than routing it to his connecting flight to Charlotte, NC. Were it not for that mistake, the Marine would have successfully transported a semi-automatic handgun, ammunition for said handgun, and all the fixin's necessary to build a homemade explosive device across the U.S. without being detected.

Homeland Security my ass. I want my tax dollars back.

(source: Boston.com)

Why Be Productive at Work When You Can Just Look Busy Instead?

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:01:00 +0000

There are some days when I'm really productive... you know, days when I get actual work done as opposed to the days when I look busy but am not actually doing anything. I'm thinking today is going to be a look busy day, and I'm taking you all down with me.

Check out this video, won't you? I love SuperNews and if you haven't seen their stuff then I'm going to have to ask you to spend the rest of today watching their videos, mmmkay? That would be super.

Guilty Pleasure: Tailgater Portable iPod Dock

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:19:00 +0000

I have an iPod dock at home, but I'm going to level with you: it's pretty small, and its output is not great. I don't have all the technical specs on it, but suffice to say that I had to plug it into the Aux input on my regular sound system in order to get decent sound out of the thing.

That's why the Tailgater, from Ion Audio, looks like something I've just got to have. It looks like a guitar amp with an iPod dock built into it, which to me (a musician) is pretty cool in and of itself. I won't go too much into the specs, but the selling points for me are the heavy-duty construction (so it won't break when I inevitably drop it), built in carrying handle, and built in 8 hour battery with level indicator (so I always know how much juice I have left).

The only downside for me is the $200 price point, since I could most likely hook up my current iPod dock to the line input on a similarly sized battery powered amp for much cheaper - but, the reality is that I'm just too lazy to do something like that, and it wouldn't look nearly as cool as the Tailgater when I'm blasting Debbie Gibson tracks on the Jersey shore this summer.

(source: iLounge)

UPDATED - New Feature: Like It? Fave It.

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Hello there friends. We've added a new feature to iamguiltyof.com: Faves, short for favorites is a way for you to vote for the confessions that you like best.

From now on when you see a confession you like, you can fave it by clicking the "fave" link that appears below the "comment" link.

If/when this whole fave thing takes off we'll be adding a listing of the most popular confessions based on your votes to iamguiltyof.com.

That's all for now... start fave-ing your favorite confessions now!

Update: In response to some users' feedback that there's no way to mitigate fave-happy users, we've implemented an "un-fave" link (next to the "fave" link) so that users can vote down confessions that they don't like. The "un-fave" link will only appear when a confession has 1 or more faves.

Guilt of the Day 4/15/09: File Under: You Can't Make This Shit Up

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:39:00 +0000

Mothers take note: beware the next time your kid threatens to bust a cap in yo' ass if you don't give them $2. They're probably not kidding.

A guy by the name of Fred Bertrang slashed his mother with a knife and then proceeded to fire several rounds from his AK-47 into her leg because she wouldn't give him $2 for cover at a bar. Hasn't this guy ever heard of pan-handling? Taking advantage of his friends? Getting paid for oral sex down at the truck stop? I'm sure some combination of those three things could have gotten him his $2, without the need for firearms.

Sadly, our dear friend Fred lacked the good sense to hob some knob for $2 and instead decided it was a better idea to inflict harm upon others. I can relate. Last week one of my co-workers was making this really annoying sound with his fingers on the keyboard before I'd finished my coffee, so I picked up my letter opener and stabbed him in the eye until he stopped moving. Actually, I'm just kidding - the annoying sound part never really happened.

(source: JSOnline)

Guilt of the Day 4/14/09: Couple from Norway Multitasks

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:58:00 +0000

You know, often times when I'm driving in to work I think to myself "I could be doing more right now." Unfortunately, it hadn't occurred to me until now that I could be copulating (with someone other than myself) while driving.

Apparently DWF, or Driving While Fucking, is no longer the stuff of cinema nor legend — and it can get your license revoked. A couple from Norway was pulled over after officers observed the car "driving erratically" and speeding. I can imagine that having your girlfriend's ass bumping into the steering wheel repeatedly will lead to some "erratic" driving.

Anyway, after filming the sex act taking place for "evidence" (yeah right, $10 says those cops have already made copies for all their buddies), police officers pulled the couple over and immediately suspended the license of the gentleman who was operating the vehicle. Must have been a lady cop. A male cop would have given the guy an attaboy and sent him on his way, unless the female passenger was the cop's wife... but if that were the case then the story probably would have been about two missing Norwegians last seen DWF on the highway.

(source: CNN)

Linkage for 4/7/09

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 18:58:00 +0000

Editorial Note: Linkage is a day late due to technical difficulties yesterday. Click here to find out what we did about those technical difficulties.

While driving home from somewhere Friday night my wife pointed out that I'm a fan of the white rap genre of music. She said this, of course, after hearing me sing along to Cake's "The Distance" and whatever the new Incubus single is. Now, I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure that neither Cake nor Incubus is considered rap, but I've learned a lot about life in the 5 and a half years that I've been married. So, I'm a fan of white rap.

Speaking of white rap, I was going to make Eminem's abomination of a music video the subject of a Guilt of the Day post today, but it looks like Gibbs over at Yep Yep has beaten me to the punch.

Here is your Linkage for today... enjoy!

Reminder #1: Put your phone on vibrate when you get to work. Reminder #2: Don't throw shit at your co-workers (9 to Fried)

Andy Samberg should probably do some research in the "Where Are They Now?" section on Jaime Kennedy... (AfroJacks)

It's OK, you can watch these Wrestlemania vids without admitting that you're a fan and don't really believe that wrestling is fake (HHR)

We need some truth in advertising, especially when it comes to strip clubs (Blog of Hilarity)

Looks like somebody had an accident (Mac G's World)

That. Is. All.

Century Club Update

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:08:00 +0000

Well, I know you've been waiting for a while for this, so here it is - another Century Club update. Okay, really we know it's just another excuse for us to geek out with Google Analytics, but we'll take whatever excuse we can get.

First and foremost, we'd like to welcome 3 new members to the Century Club: Makati, PH, Dallas, TX, and Nottingham, UK. Applause all around. Washington, DC, Bromborough, UK, and Cambridge, MA are all knocking on the door but not quite there yet.

To date, we have received visits from people in 1,580 cities located in at least 61 different countries around the world.

So, as it stands now here are your top 10 cities based on the number of visits that come from those cities:

New York, NY (335)
Makati, PH (216)
London, UK (214)
Philadelphia, PA (212)
Dallas, TX (139)
Nottingham, UK (113)
Washington, DC (91)
Bromborough, UK (89)
Cambridge, MA (86)
Phoenix, AZ (69)

Congratulations to the new Century Club members, and to all the cities that made it to the Top 10.

Coming Soon: The iamguiltyof.com API

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 22:07:00 +0000

Hey there!

Hope your weekend is going well. Just dropping a quick note to let you know that we're currently working on a RESTful API for iamguiltyof.com. If you're a developer and you're interested in working with the API once it enters the closed beta, please drop us a line at info@iamguiltyof.com to let us know that you're interested.

Linkage for 4/3/09

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Holy crap the weather is bad out there. And my lunch needs salt. I'm going to try to get this one in before the lights go out. Here's your Linkage for 4/3/09:

Top 50 Funniest Vanity Plates of All Time (Man-o-fest)

Hi, what are you doing after I keep this baseball from killing you? (Busted Coverage)

Baseball maladies that are more plausible than Donrelle's "Anxiety Disorder" (Splog)

*NSFW* Here's how you handle those pesky IE6 users (Design You Trust)

By far this is my favorite April Fool's Day prank video (SMP Films)

Peace Out.

Linkage for 3/30/09

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:05:00 +0000

So yesterday I was at the grocery store deli counter and this lady comes up to me and starts telling me all about how she hates her daughter-in-law and thinks her son is an idiot for marrying the girl. True story. Makes me wonder what my mom says about me to random strangers in the grocery store.

Anyway, here is your Linkage for today — these are some links you definitely don't have to feel guilty about visiting:

EZ Action: Get a Girl to Touch Your Crotch (I Hate My Cubicle)

How AIDS Works (PhillyD TV)

Man I Need to Get One of These (Tasty Booze)

Is this Popeye the Sailorman Himself? (9 to Fried)

Padma Lakshmi Does Food Pr0n (pure magic at 0:37) (Popoholic)

Note to Self: Make Sure You Hit 'Reply', Not 'Reply-All' (College Humor)

The Thin Line: How to Get Along with iamguiltyof.com

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:23:00 +0000

I've been thinking about this post for a while now, mainly because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say. We've been getting a lot of attention over the last few days from a lot of different sources, and honestly that's awesome in my book. However, it does bring to light a kind of problem that I hadn't necessarily anticipated: there's a thin line between freedom and chaos.

See, here at iamguiltyof.com we're all about honesty. That's why we created this site in the first place. But, there's a difference between honest, open communication and communication that espouses fear, hatred, violence, racism, and prejudice. For that reason I've had to delete many posts and ban many people from iamguiltyof.com over the last few days. I wish it didn't have to come to that, but unfortunately that's how it goes sometimes.

In light of recent events we've updated our Terms of Service, and I personally have decided to dissect the General Terms portion of the TOS here so that it's all clear to everyone who visits iamguiltyof.com what is and is not acceptable:

Plain English Guide to the iamguiltyof.com General Terms:

The TOS Says: The content that you contribute to this web site is done so in an anonymous basis inasmuch as other users are concerned. However, your IP address will be recorded with each of your posts for administrative and legal purposes.

The PEG Says: Just because other iamguiltyof.com users don't know who you are doesn't mean that we don't know who you are. Okay, so we don't really know who you are but we know what network location you're connecting from and that's all we really need to know.

The TOS Says: You and you alone are responsible for all posts that you make to this site. Furthermore, iamguiltyof.com is not responsible for any content posted by you or any other users.

The PEG Says: We're not to blame for what you post on our site, whether it's good or bad.

The TOS Says: Parents of minor children should note that some content contributed by users of this site may not be appropriate for children under the age of 18. Parents are advised to use their discretion in allowing their minor children to access any part of this website.

The PEG Says: If you're a parent and your under-18 kid starts quoting un-holy crap from our site, there are two things you need to know:

You should more closely monitor your child's internet habits, and make sure that they don't visit sites like iamguiltyof.com without your supervision or approval.
Whether or not you approve of your child visiting our site, we've already warned you that some of the content might not be good for them to see.

The TOS Says: iamguiltyof.com is not responsible for any third-party content made available via hyperlink on this web site.

The PEG Says: Just because it's underlined and starts with "http://" and your cursor turns into a little hand thingy when you roll over it doesn't mean you should click it. If you do click a link and something really bad happens, remember that you were the one who clicked... not us. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. etc etc etc...

The TOS Says: You may not post anything to this web site that implicitly or explicitly threatens, harasses, harms, or demeans any person or group of people. iamguiltyof.com reserves the right to delete any posts that it deems threatening, harassing, harmful, demeaning, or otherwise inappropriate to/for any person or group of people.

The PEG Says: This one is simple. Don't be an asshole. If you're an asshole, chances are that we'll delete your posts, and most likely ban you from the site.

The TOS Says: iamguiltyof.com reserves the right to temporarily or permanently deny access to this website to anyone for any reason (or no reason) without prior notice.

The PEG Says: I think this one is self-explanatory, but if it's not please see my previous statement.

Now that you have the Plain English Guide to the iamguiltyof.com Terms of Service under your belt, there should be no questions about what is or is not ok to post on our site. However, if you're not sure about something please feel free to get in touch with us via our feedback form. We're always happy to answer questions.

Okay people. You know what you need to do. Let us go forth and keep iamguiltyof.com All Killer, No Filter forever!

Brian
iamguiltyof.com

New Feature: Give Your Twitter Followers Something to Read

info@iamguiltyof.com (iamguiltyof.com) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:20:00 +0000

Hello there fine-feathered friends. Just wanted to drop a quick line to say that you can now post any confession you want to your Twitter feed.

Here's how:

Click the "tweet this" link in the bottom right corner of the confession you'd like to share.
In the form that pops up, enter your Twitter username and password* and add a comment if you'd like (this is optional).
Click "Send." A message will pop up to let you know if your Twitter update was successful or not.
Click "Close" in the upper right corner of the form to return to the page you were viewing.

The result will be a status update that looks something like this. Your status update will also be re-tweeted by @guiltyof, our Twitter application.

*We will never store or share your Twitter info with ANYONE. We promise.

Happy Twittering!
Brian
for iamguiltyof.com

Weekend Update

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 17:43:00 +0000

Okay, I totally didn't just steal that title from SNL, I swear. Anyway, just wanted to throw a quick update out there: we've had a pretty big weekend. Since Thursday we've gotten over 1,000 visits from over 900 new visitors!

For the most part, we have The Bachelor Guy, Blog of Hilarity, and The Kane Show (HOT 99.5, Washington, DC) to thank for all the new visitors... hopefully you all keep coming back because we're cooking up some new stuff for iamguiltyof.com that will be revealed in future posts on this blog (hint: subscribe to this blog's feed to stay up-to-date).

We were also featured on a few other radio shows' blogs on Friday, including those of Morning Sickness (95.7 The Rock, La Crosse, WI), The Spoon Show (97.9 KISS FM, Jacksonville, FL) and Dan Mason's show (107.9 THE END, Sacramento, CA), so they deserve a mention here as well.

Of course, while we appreciate the attention we're still a young site - so we can use as much coverage as we can possibly get out there in the great big world. So... if you work in media, know someone who works in media, or know someone who knows someone who works in media, please let them know about iamguiltyof.com. We very much appreciate it. All media inquiries can be directed to info@iamguiltyof.com or brian@driscollwebdev.com.

I hope you all have a great weekend!
Brian
for iamguiltyof.com and Driscoll Web Development

Update on our Site Feeds

noreply@blogger.com (Driscoll Web Development) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:21:00 +0000

In case you're subscribed to either the Daily or Hourly Confessional RSS Feeds: we had to clear out both feeds tonight due to an error, so don't be alarmed if the next time you check the feeds you find that all of the entries are gone.

Sorry for the inconvenience!