Author: Maria Seferou

Why do we use the expression “falling in love” to describe a state in which a person experiences the joy and elation of erotic feelings for a sexual partner. In other words, if erotic passion truly provides a higher state of happiness, why shouldn’t we use the expression, “ascending in love”, e.g., or “thriving in love”, or something similar?

Popular expressions are not generally formed by chance. Words are living “things” carrying energy, and they accurately describe situations and states of being. Let us list some of the meanings of the verb “fall”:

• To lose an upright position
• To lessen in amount or degree
• To decline in value
• To undergo conquest or capture
• To experience defeat

Are any of these states associated with “falling in love”? Most certainly they are! “Falling in love” has to do with capturing one’s heart and being captured by another; it has to do with conquest and captivation; it means “acquiring” someone, as if he/she were a property of sorts, and be acquired; it leads to decline of personality value, since those in love usually lose themselves in the process and cannot reason clearly or act wisely.

The chemistry of attraction that initially draws us in goes a long way to helping us get our emotional and physical wires crossed. And while a one-off fantastic sexual encounter may not have you swearing undying love, it will probably have you returning for more – and, before you know it, you think you’re in love. – Falling in Love. A Matter of Chemistry

Falling “head-over-heels” in love with someone means exactly what it says: it sends your head down to your heels. Yet this elusive condition with an expiration date is passionately desired and pursued by the overwhelming majority of people, and not just by the young in age, as if it were the prerequisite of wholeness and ultimate happiness! People are persistently searching for their “other half”, as if we were not complete as individuals.

What, then, is this erotic love feeling that is so highly valued by people? Why, nowadays, the urge for erotic passion fuels a billion-dollar industry of on-line dating sites? Millions of people of every age, race and status are desperately and endlessly searching for a partner – a person with the right “chemistry” to fall in love with. Why? Is it in order to enable them to capture the magic moment of sexual orgasm, or is it more than that? Is, peradventure, sexual orgasm a vital need for human existence, something like food or water, or is it just a “dessert”, a delicacy we could survive without?

I was shocked when I once read the cynical view of the Roman Emperor and great Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius regarding sex. Here are his own words: “and as for sexual intercourse, it is the rubbing of a piece of intestine, then a convulsion, and the spurting of some mucus.” Of course this is oversimplification, as sexual intercourse involves more than a mechanical movement. As scientists claim, it involves not just the heart but also the human brain itself.

Differentiating between coarse sexual intercourse, simply for the sake of one’s sensual gratification and release from tension (such as it is done with a prostitute), and sex that presupposes “falling in love” with one’s partner is necessary in order to better answer the love conundrum. Of course everyone understands that sexual pleasure is nature’s enticement to facilitate reproduction, i.e. that sexual desire takes care of species preservation. Yet, erotic passion is an addictive magical state into which a person “falls” even when the last thing in one’s mind is reproduction. It involves the whole being, and it is a personality power game.

“Falling in love” may deteriorate into a humiliating and all-consuming relationship that depletes one of the partners and often ends up in a heart-breaking separation. Although realism with a measure of compromise is a must for the duration of a relationship, losing oneself for the sake of maintaining that relationship is not healthy at all. On the other hand, and because selfishness is inherent in human nature and people are more interested in being loved than loving, more keen of receiving than giving, there might be an overtly or covertly calculated “relationship”. In this case two persons get together mainly for reasons other than physical attraction (money, social status, security), and they both consciously endeavor to control the other person and take advantages of the relationship. Such games cause tension and prevents genuine love from developing between partners. It certainly creates an unhealthy family environment, inappropriate for rearing emotionally healthy children.

“Love at first sight is an emotional condition whereby a person feels romantic attraction for a stranger on the first encounter with the stranger. The term may be used to refer to a mere sexual attraction or crush, but it usually refers to actually falling in love with someone literally the very first time one sees him or her, along with the deep desire to have an intimate relationship with that person. The stranger may or may not be aware that the other person has any such notion, and may not even be aware of the other person’s presence (such as in a crowded place). Sometimes two people experience this phenomenon towards each other at the same time, usually when their eyes meet.” Wikipedia.com

In any case, whatever the actual origin and nature of erotic love may be, we all know that even in the best cases the magic of the elusive sexual “chemistry” doesn’t last forever. There inevitably comes a time when habit and daily routine kill the originally blinding erotic passion. It is then that the partners become very sensitive to each other’s words, moods, actions and reactions, easily finding faults on one another – faults they were previously unaware of – and start nagging about their partner’s imperfections and shortcomings, thus poisoning a once “happy” relationship. When the magic evaporates then logic starts functioning properly again and one sees the naked reality for what it is, i.e. imperfect.

What is happening then? It depends on many things. The two partners may continue living together for the sake of their children, or out of habit, or because they are afraid of drastic changes, or simply to protect their financial interests and social status. If their principles and values are loose, they will be seeking extramarital sexual gratification by entering into ephemeral or lasting erotic affairs. Then they start lying to each other, while living in constant tension trying to hide their sexual affair from their marriage or long-time partner. Needless to say that this undermines the unfaithful partner’s physical and emotional health, not to mention the hindering of one’s spiritual growth. For the “betrayed” partner the situation is not easy either.

There is no doubt that “falling in love” is addictive, and so those who rely for their happiness on sexual indulgence are constantly on the run after yet another exciting lover. For people addicted to erotic passion it is a lifetime exhausting game that sucks one’s vitality, obstructs creativity and blocks one’s spiritual progress, in spite of claims to the contrary by the advocates of “tantric sex”.

How is this addiction caused? Scientists have found out! To start with, overindulgence in a particular behavior of any sort becomes a real addiction, just as one gets physically addicted to the use of a chemical substance. However, in the case of erotic passion and sexual intercourse we also have the presence of real chemical substances produced by the brain. As Tony Coleman writes in his article entitled “True Love and Chemistry: Exploring Myth and Reality”, “The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine – or PEA. It is a naturally occurring substance in the brain.

Essentially, PEA is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.”

The knowledge of the above certainly demystifies the “falling in love” sweet and bitter experience. Here is another excerpt from an article of John Pickrell, Lucy Middleton and Alun Anderson, entitled “Instant Expert: Love”, and published by Newscientist.com: “In the brain, romantic love shows similarities to going mildly insane or suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. Studies show that when you first fall in love, serotonic levels plummet and the brain’s reward centers are flooded with dopamine. This gives a high similar to an addictive drug, creating powerful links in our minds between pleasure and the object of our affection, and meaning we crave the hit of our beloved again and again.”

Likewise, the withdrawal symptoms experienced at the end of a relationship by someone who was physically, emotionally and mentally dependent on another person are similar to those of drug addicts when they are deprived of their regular drug dose: irritability, anxiety, loss of appetite, depression, fatigue, heart palpitations, insomnia, etc. Scientific studies have shown that the parieto-insular cortex, which is vital for pain processing in the brain, becomes very active even when people view photos of ex-partners whom they still love. So, whether love-elated or love-sick, it’s all in the brain!

Dr. Sam Vaknin, in an article appearing in his book entitled “Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited” writes: “The unpalatable truth is that falling in love is, in some ways, indistinguishable from a severe pathology. Behavior changes are reminiscent of psychosis and, biochemically speaking, passionate love closely imitates substance abuse.”

Anyone of us who has ever passionately fallen in love would agree to the above findings, at least to some extent. And everyone would admit that when in love, beside the elation, one has experienced a measure of pain and suffering. This is also confirmed by the lyrics of many love songs that are but desperate lamentations over the separation from one’s erotic partner. Apparently, when the arrows of the capricious god Eros pierce the soul, apart from joy they also bring pain, even without the breaking up of a relationship. Since high and unrealistic expectations from one’s partner, jealousy, doubt, fear of losing someone, giving more than receiving, etc., are part and parcel of the love-game, they all create a fertile ground for resentment, sulking and unhappiness. More often than not, despondency fills the heart of the abused or rejected partner and in extreme cases this may lead to suicide or murder.

“Attraction is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover. In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called ‘monoamines’ play an important role:

• Dopamine – Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
• Norepinephrine – Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
• Serotonin – One of love’s most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane” BBC.co.uk

Inevitably, then, erotic passion is somewhat pathological! Is there any cure? Is there a way of experiencing only the joy and elation of “falling in love” without the pain it entails? I don’t think so! You see, perfect love without pain presupposes perfect humans – something does not exist…On the other hand, avoiding “falling in love” in order to spare oneself from the pain it entails is also pathological and utterly selfish.

Strange enough, though, in modern society, where principles and values tend to become anachronistic bywords, while free sexual activity, even between people of the same sex or those who commit adultery, is acceptable, there are more lonely and sexually frustrated people than in any other time of history. Why? The reasons are many, but in my opinion they all stem from ignorance of the tripartite nature of man that has led to the identification with one’s body and the exaltation of carnal instincts and sensual pleasures. However, since man is primarily a spiritual being dwelling in a material body, simply the gratification of one’s carnal needs and sensual appetites does not satisfy the soul and spirit of man.

No! Sensual pleasures do not provide the ultimate happiness in life, which man is longing for. We definitely need something more in order to experience lasting happiness. We must realize that bliss and fulfillment don’t come from without, be it the ideal partner or something else. They derive from within, namely from the union of our soul to eternal Spirit. The ideal “marriage” we all unconsciously long for is the soul-spirit mystical union, i.e. the perfect match between our desires and the spiritual Law inherent in our being. To the extent this is realized in both partners there is hope for a relatively harmonious and uplifting life-long relationship. Otherwise, striving for perfect love is like chasing a chimera.

About the author:
Maria Seferou was born in an agricultural family of Dendron, a small village of Peloponnese, Greece. She studied Civil/Structural Engineering at National Technical University of Athens and had a successful 20-year professional career both in Greece and in England. For the last 22 years she has been a writer of non-fiction books and articles on religious, philosophical, political and social issues.

Kamasutra is about much more than giving in to your sexual desires and more than a simple series of sexual poses. Sex, in the Kamasutra, is a small piece of a much larger picture of living a refined, educated and cultured life. It is about the relationship you share with your partner and treating them with love and respect.

In our time we learn how to learn the art of love from books, which were written thousands of years ago. A couple should start their travel with awakening of their sensations – sense of touch, taste, smell, hearing and visual perception. Kamasutra

While the positions may be fun to try, connecting with your partner and your world is the first step toward tantric sexuality.

Buy the Video: Better Sex Video: The Better Sex Guide to the Kamasutra

The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Tantra Yoga

Author: Paul M. Jerard Jr.

The more you learn about any kind of Yoga, the more there is to know. A wise teacher once said, “Every day I wake up to find out I know less than I did the day before.” This is even more true of Tantra Yoga - about which there is much misinformation and distortion of truth. The history of Yoga is long and a bit of a mystery as it migrated throughout Asia.

The methodology of Tantra Yoga is too complex for a mere generalization. Tantra Yoga is a vast subject that cannot be practiced to its full potential by reading books about Tantric Sex. This style of Yoga requires formal guidance from a Tantra Yoga teacher. There are a few myths about this form of Yoga, which are false or partial truths and I will cover a few of them.

Ritualized sex is not a common practice within these Yoga schools. Most Tantrics follow the Dakshinachara path, which is often called, “The right-handed path,” within western culture. This is a deeply spiritual form of Yoga where deities, such as Shiva, are worshiped. Tantra Yoga is an integration of Bhakti Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, Mantra Yoga, and Yantra Yoga.

The Tantric who follows the Dakshinachara path is usually a good example of tolerance and lives a constructive life. The Tantric who follows the Vamachara path on the other hand, which is sometimes referred to as, “The left-handed path,” is a Yoga practitioner who participates in sex rituals, drinks alcohol, consumes other intoxicants, eats meat, and sacrifices animals.

Vamacara Tantra is part of a broad evolutionary process in consciousness, which is moving toward an integration with the Natural World, the physical body and the many sexual expressions of human behavior. All of Nature is then perceived as a sacred manifestation of the Divine, where there is no separation between Spirit and Nature, Mind and Body. So consequently there isn’t any great effort to go beyond or transcend Nature. Rather, the effort is to put one’s self in accord with Nature and the physical body, and to express one’s own creative potential more fully. Source: Kamakala.com

Keep in mind, that practitioners of the Vamachara path are the minority. Most of the contemporary Tantra Yogis and Yoginis, who follow the Vamachara path, are practicing a form of “New Age Tantra Yoga,” without any direction or guidance from a Guru. They blindly search for a higher spiritual plane of existence, by trying their best to incorporate magic and witchcraft into this blend of New Age Tantra, without a Yoga teacher. Is this New Age Tantra really Tantra Yoga? This is a subject for debate, but most of those that follow the Vamachara path, with a lineage, are not going public. On the other hand, the New Age Tantra Yogis and Yoginis, who post their pictures up on the Internet, in pursuit of many different sex partners, are doing their best to go public.

A Yoga teacher is not usually a sex therapist. If a person, or a couple, is experiencing sexual problems, or difficulties, due to trauma, infidelity, levels of sexual interest in each other; that person, or couple, should seek professional help with a qualified sex therapist. It only makes sense that you get counseling from the most professional source. A sex therapist is not usually a Tantra Yoga teacher. This is just another way to market and re-package sex therapy. If you happen upon a sex therapist, who also claims to be a Tantra Yoga teacher, do a little research first, and you may find the deeper truth about marketing.

Finally, most Orthodox Hindus do not look favorably upon the Vamachara path. For religious fundamentalists, who are not Hindus, the Vamachara path is the “smoking gun” of Yoga, but ironically they point the finger of suspicion toward Hatha Yoga (union by physical mastery) because of its global popularity.

Copyright 2007 – Paul Jerard / Aura Publications
Anteros’ comments:
Sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. While we try to educate you with articles showing both sides of the coin we urge you to do some additional seeking for yourself and we have include some links that we think may help in this regard.

Remember that yoga was never intended as a solution to fix serious sexual problems. We present this article as a guide to those who seriously want to improve their sex lives with increased passion, sensuality and fulfillment using this and other paths we have presented to you.

Buy the Book: Sexual Energy and Yoga

About the author: Paul Jerard, E-RYT 500, is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center in, Attleboro, MA. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since1995.http://www.yoga-teacher-training.org

Source: NewYorkTimes.com Reproductive experts were taken aback by a paper in the June issue of Contraception magazine. Based on an analysis of studies, the paper pronounced withdrawal “almost as effective as the male condom — at least when it comes to pregnancy prevention.”

“If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4 percent of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year,” the authors write.

For condoms, used optimally, the rate is about 2 percent. But more significant, the authors say, are the rates for “typical use,” because people can’t be expected to use any contraception method perfectly every time. Typical use of withdrawal leads to pregnancy 18 percent of the time, they write; for typical use of condoms 17 percent of the time.

(There are other, more effective methods. Failure rates for the pill and the patch are about 8 percent; for Depo-Provera injections, about 3 percent; and for diaphragms, about 16 percent. Intrauterine devices fail less than 1 percent of the time.)

The lead author, Rachel K. Jones, a senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute, which studies reproductive health matters, said she and her co-authors were motivated to write the paper because it seemed to them the pullout method was getting short shrift.

Read the full article at: NewYorkTimes.com

7 Tricks for Lasting Longer in Bed. A Crash Course…(plus one bonus tip)
Author: Mukee Okan:
Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan

My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many ‘tricks-of-the-trade’ when it comes to orgasm. In this article I’ll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman). If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general. I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner’s, sexual experiences.

THE TRICKS TO LASTING LONGER IN BED

1. Relax and increase your body awareness
There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to ‘feel’ your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, and breathing techniques. Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it. Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as “sensate focus exercises” which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex ‘coach’.

2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.
Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a ‘plan’ robs you of any ability to be open minded. You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look. Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.

3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.
Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery. Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.

4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.
There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable. This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally. Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.

5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.
As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to ‘play’ with it. Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them. Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people’s experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.

6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.
Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand. Let the arousal continue as if it never had to end. It will of course, but you don’t care when … just let it happen.

7. Stop thinking and drop your conscious mind out of the picture.
Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up. Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it … but in your body. Feel it! The key is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings. Here’s a bonus tricky tip for you. It’s also the most important one.

8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.
If some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it’s because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops. I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.

Love, Mukee

Anteros’ comments: This is a journey, an ongoing and pleasurable learning experience. Have a wonderful trip. Please give us your comments on how this has helped add pleasure to your sexual relationship.

Visit: A Much Better Sex Store

About the Author :Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming

Source: Independent.ie: PEOPLE WHO frequently have straight sex without a condom are generally in better mental health than the rest of the population, according to a Scottish psychologist.

A study by Professor Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland suggests that condoms are probably the worst way to avoid pregnancy. The pill is less likely to leave either partner feeling stressed or depressed.

His conclusions will alarm groups trying to combat the spread of sexual disease among the young, but Prof Brody argues that it is not unprotected sex as such that causes sexual diseases, but anal sex and sex with strangers who might be infected.

His conclusions are based on a survey of 111 Portuguese men and 99 women, who answered questions about their sex lives. The results suggest that sex is a good preventer of depression, suicidal tendencies and emotional immaturity, and condoms get in the way of these benefits.

Read the full article at: Independent.ie:

Italian researchers had women take the Female Sexual Function Index, a test used to asses sexual health, and found that moderate red wine drinkers scored consistently higher than teetotalers or those who prefer another alcoholic beverage.

Scientists aren’t exactly sure why this is, but one theory is that the antioxidants in red wine act to widen blood vessels, allowing more blood flow to “key” areas.

Read the full article at: Asylum.com

A study of 2,000 U.S. women ages 45-80 found 60 percent had been sexually active in the previous three months, researchers said.

Researchers at the University of California-San Francisco said half of all sexually active participants described their overall sexual satisfaction as moderate to high. More than one-quarter of women age 65 years or older remained moderately or highly interested in sex, and more than one-third of women in this age group had been sexually active in the past three months.

Read the full article at: NewsRadio

A Canadian survey found similar results:

“The boomer generation is embracing its golden years with a bang.
In a recent survey of about 500 Canadians over the age of 50, close to half said they are satisfied with their sex lives.
To be more graphic: 41 per cent said they are “sexually adventurous,” 40 per cent said they consider themselves “frisky,” and 16 per cent described themselves as “ferocious” in bed.
“Ferocious? I guess you can define that as being very energetic – I don’t know if it means hanging off the chandeliers,” says Dr. David McKenzie, a Vancouver-based relationship therapist and sexologist who was flown to Toronto by the drug company that sponsored the survey to answer media questions.
The survey’s findings weren’t a surprise to Ruthy Mueller. She owns Happy Hedonist, a swingers club in Mississauga, with her husband David.
“We have people of all ages,” she says of the club’s weekend gatherings of over 100 people. “We get people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s.”

Read the full article at Mississauga.com

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