How To Fix Your Marriage

'Fireproof' Your Marriage For Free -- Just In Time For Valentine's Day : NorthEscambia.com

2009-04-14T13:45:00.000+10:00

'Fireproof' Your Marriage For Free -- Just In Time For Valentine's Day : NorthEscambia.com: "Though the story is told through the eyes of a married couple, the movie is about relationships and touches on universal topics such as friendship, parents, unconditional love, commitment, and forgiveness.

“Fireproof” has been described as “a fun, funny, and moving film, “a life-changing experience,” “a powerful story that is well told,” and “a compelling, must-see film.”"

Midlife Matters

2009-03-16T13:53:00.002+10:00

Like may others, I too have enjoyed listening to parts of the ABC Radio National series on Midlife Matters. It's obvious from listeners' responses that there are many people who are holding these 'secrets' about their relationships which only serves to emphasise the need for us all to talk about sex in marriage.

I heard Elly's response today and I felt compelled to respond. I agree that 'just doing it' is difficult because any effort to do so means that we are confronted with ourselves - that is, we are confronted by what we already believe about ourselves. Given that often a lot of what we already believe about ourselves is negative and unconscious - and which manifest as feelings we don't understand, we try to rationalise what is happening. We don't know 'how' to handle those feelings and we push them away. But of course those feelings (beliefs) still esist and continue to operate in our lives - the more we try to push them away the more they persist. These beliefs create feelings of separation which in turn hihibit any potential intimate communication. I call it the relationship 'goo' that creates the cloud of 'stuff' that we hide behind and don't know 'how' to break through to connect with love. Because we don't know 'how' to fix it, and because we try to figure it out, it seems very complex. This is no surprise given that we are not taught 'how'. I wanted to say to Elly in particular that there is a 'how' - and that it's not hard or traumatic or complex. I have not only achieved this for myself but I have been teaching people the 'how' for over 15 years, and from the feedback I get, with extraordinary results. There's heaps more I could share....

And I will .... let's talk about your intimate relationship - it's a sensitive area I know, but one that is shared by many many people in marriage and relationship. Post your comments and questions - let's explore!

Life Matters - Have Your Say

2009-03-16T13:31:00.000+10:00

Life Matters - Have Your Say

Talk to each other with your attention

2009-02-09T13:09:00.003+10:00

Are you conscious of where your attention is while your husband or wife is sharing something with you? And I don't mean hearing the words that are being said - but ask yourself 'where is your ATTENTION?' Is it wondering where she/he is going with the conversation so you are feeling wary? Or is your attention preparing what YOU are going to say next? Or a thousand other possible things that are actually going on inside you at the same time that your spouse is sharing with you. So when your spouse then accuses you of not understanding, or not listening etc., to which you would typically re-act in a negative way defending your position. Just stop and reflect for a moment on where your attention has been during the discussion. If you are really honest with yourself, you probably have not REALLY heard what was said. And you likely have reactively responded or interrupted with an inappropriate response - and so the situation gets inflamed. We all know THAT story! And then the blame game starts.....

The biggest and most loving gift you can give someone is your ATTENTION - fully present with what is being said. If you notice your attention leaping off somewhere else, just bring it back to the present. It requires discipline - but this will absolutely change the dynamic of the conversation, and the outcome. The energy of your attention is received as one of being fully listened to. And you will know exactly what to say without having had to plan it. Give it a go - and let me know your experiences.

Visit my website at www.fixmarriagenow.com

SELF-TALK - Did You Know That Everyone Talks to Themselves All Day Long?

2009-02-04T12:00:00.002+10:00

It's true - and it's incredible how negative a lot of it is! How often do you find yourself saying things like - 'What an idiot I am', or 'I'm such a clutz', or 'What is wrong with me?'.... and on and on it goes. So, let's talk about self-talk. Post some of your most negative self-talk, especially the ones you've got running about your marriage or relationship problems. I would love to be able to give you some insights about your self-talk and what is really going on.

ABC News: First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love

2009-01-31T07:10:00.000+10:00

ABC News: First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love: "'Marriage is about a life partner, not a life-saver,' she said. 'I think we have to change how we think of marriage. Marriage is a long-term partnership. And the problem is, a lot of times, we drift into marriage like it's a summer fling and then we're surprised when it doesn't work out.'"

It's an interesting headline and a whole subject on it's own - but I really like the quote 'Marriage is about a life partner, not a life-saver"- just a few words say so much. For many years I followed (unconsciously) the path of looking for a 'life-saver' to marry - and guess what - that's right - he DIDN'T save me!! Surprise! Surprise! If I knew what I know now about how to create a great relationship I could have saved myself a lot of pain.

Kirk Cameron talks Fireproof, marriage, and the demands of playing a firefighter

2009-01-30T06:53:00.000+10:00

Kirk Cameron talks Fireproof, marriage, and the demands of playing a firefighter: "Marriage is really a school that you’ve enrolled in and it teaches you all about integrity and character and selflessness and love and it’s a difficult school but if you stay in it you’ll really grow and learn a lot.

Of course, a lot of people bail because they just don’t know how to make it work and that’s what fireproof is all about. It ultimately talks about never leaving your partner behind and in order to be successful at that you’ve got to learn what unconditional love is, because that’s the only kind of love that’ll get through the hard times."

I agree totally! Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is a really good way to get triggered - and it's through those triggers that ultimately give the insights about what is really going on - rather than what seems to be going on. They are two different things.

You can find out more about what these triggers are at my website.

Saying G'Day

2009-01-30T04:56:00.000+10:00

Hi Everyone,
I am so excited about starting this blog. I have been helping people to transform their marriage and relationship problems for 15 years - and today I have finally caught up with the online world.

So many of the people I have worked with (who are now also my friends) have been saying to me for years that I should share my wisdom with the world. So I really hope that my blog will help me to achieve that, but more importantly, enable me to help lots of people who are suffering in their relationships.

I have had my own very painful relationship experiences (most people have!) - and not just in marriage either. But, believe it or not, I am grateful for all of it because without those experiences, I would not have been driven to find a way to change.

I won't say that the journey has been an easy one - at times I felt so alone and desperate I thought I was going nuts - but the rewards have been beyond anything I believed possible. Today, I am in a wonderful relationship with Neville - and I am deeply happy and peaceful within myself. Thankfully I never ever gave up on my dream of creating a great relationship and of being happy.

So - having been there and back myself - I have become passionate about helping others to gain the wisdom but with less difficulty that I experienced - and in a much shorter timeframe. For me, the gathering of wisdom and helping myself and others is the only game in town.

I really look forward to having some interesting exchanges and information posted here - we should have some fun exploring together.

To learn more about the steps you need to take to transform your marriage - come and visit my site.