House of Rathbone

Desperation - Chapter 4

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:14:00 +0000

Chapter 4

Misunderstandings and Misconceptions

Confusion set in as Jasper walked away. Watching him stride off the stage and not running after him was nearly impossible. The look of hurt and disappointment that had crossed his face was still at the forefront of my mind. Something that was odd for me, as my music was always first. Always! Now it seemed Jasper had taken over first place and it ripped at my soul that I'd been the one to cause him pain. It disappointed me that we were going backwards, hell, probably even past square one, instead of going forward. I prayed that I could get past the hurt feelings and disappointment and it wouldn't take too long or be too difficult.
Vowing to fix this as soon as I walked off the stage, I pushed the mess to the side and poured all of myself into the rest of my performance. For the first time in my life, as I walked off the stage, the roar of the thunderous applause barely registered. My whole being was focused on Jasper. The fact that my whole life had changed over the course of an afternoon didn't bother me. The fact that I loved him with my every fiber and needed him more than air didn't cause me the slightest pause but the confusion of how to deal with his feelings was magnified tenfold when Charlie escorted me back to my dressing room where everyone was waiting for us. Everyone, but Jasper, that is.

Where did he go? Why did he leave?
What? Are you really THAT stupid? He tried to kiss you and you turned away, surely you remember that. You saw the hurt and disappointment on his face. Not only did you turn away, but you spurned his advances in front of a packed house at the Key.
That can't be it.
Keep telling yourself that, stupid, if it makes you feel better. As for me I'm sticking with my original theory. Remember vowing to fix this as soon as you walked off stage? You caused this and apparently the feelings that you glimpsed on his face were only a fraction of what he was actually feeling and were much more severe than what passed across his face.
FUCK! I'm in Trouble.
What I'd done to Jasper, what had caused him to leave was written all over Rosalie's and Alice's faces. Rosalie was LIVID and Alice not far from it. I knew that I'd be getting an ear full soon and I really didn't care. I was exhausted and filled with disappointment. All I wanted was to talk with Jasper. To be with him. This afternoon had been so much fun. He was quietly sarcastic, hilariously funny and that Texas drawl made me weak in the knees and I'd been looking forward to getting to know him better.
Yeah right! You wanted to eye fuck him some more.
SHUT IT! Did not.
Did too! You nearly melted into a pool of goo the two times he got within kissing distance tonight. Hell, you changed the lyrics of a song for him.
Ignoring them all, my inner voice included, I walked past them and into the bathroom. As I got undressed I tried to come up with a plan. I tried to imagine the conversation. What I'd say and what he'd say, but really all I was doing was running in circles. I didn't know him well enough to imagine his side of the conversation. He was what I wanted. I wanted him with a desperation that should have scared me, but the only thing that scared me was that I didn't know how to fix the mess I'd caused.
As I stood under the water in the shower, the evil side of my mind decided to beat the shit out of me. She wasn't any happier with me than Alice or Rose. She was BELLA and she was out for blood.
So, stupid, what are you going to do now? You've done gone and fucked this up. You going to just tuck your tail and run or are you going to stand up and be a woman and fix your problems?
Maybe I could convince Rosalie or Alice to help fix my stupidity?
That's going to be embarrassing!
Tell me about it.
It's all your fault. You caused this mess. I was trying to get a taste of those gorgeous lips, while you on the other hand were hell-bent on being a complete and total fucking imbecile.
Hey!
Hey what? It's the truth. YOU. TURNED. AWAY. FROM. HIM. Who turns away from lips like those?
My evil side was right. His mouth is a thing of beauty. Watching him sing, focusing on his mouth forming words to a song I'd written and then recreated for him, hearing him sing the words with such conviction and feeling was indescribable. My heart nearly stopped when he first stepped up to the mic, fear and trepidation filling me, worried that this wasn't going to turn out well at all, but then my heart took flight and soared as he began to sing. His voice was pure perfection. The perfect combination of huskiness and sweetness blended into velvet smoothness. Just the sound of him speaking thrilled me, but the sound of his singing voice was sensational, causing my nerves to tingle and my breath to hitch, making me pant.
Once again, let me reiterate, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
Silently agreeing I turned the shower off, but stopped in my tracks as I turned to get out. Standing there with her back to me was Alice. In one hand was my towel and robe and in her other were my clothes. She'd apparently been in my closet, not that I minded. Being a celebrity meant relinquishing any and all personal space and privacy, apparently being a sister was the same. I just hoped that she'd not thrown out my sweats and ratty tees.
Taking the towel and then the robe, I got dried and covered just as she turned around. "Let's hear it, Alice. I know I fucked up. How bad is it and what do I need to do?"
"Bella, I don't know if you can fix it. He thinks you used him. He's hurt. He's been done that way in the past and from what I could see from him today, he was totally developing feelings for you and as he stormed off, Rose tried to stop him and he screamed at her to "FUCK OFF" and he punched Emmett when Emmett yelled at him for lashing out at Rose." She sighed and continued on, "Edward and Emmett have both tried calling him, but he's not answering his cell."
Well, you asked for it. It's not her fault you're an idiot.
SHUT IT!
She looked at me with a tinge of pity, when the tears welled in my eyes, but that was the last she said to me. We gathered my things and left. I rode back to Forks after the show, with Charlie and Marion in my new car. I slept the whole way home, plagued with dreams of Jasper. I barely stirred when I was carried to bed by Emmett and tucked in by Alice.
That was a week ago. For the last seven days, I'd felt like I was going insane. Jasper was still missing. No one had heard from him for the entire week. I was worried sick, but everyone else while not happy with the situation didn't seem that worried. Maybe it was because it was the week of Spring Break and he wasn't missing classes, but I couldn't be sure. It was odd to me that they didn't seem overly worried about him, but to be honest, I just wished someone would hear from him so I'd know he was alright. Not that I really expected any of them to tell me as my relationships with my siblings and their significant others were not going well.
Up until three days ago, Rose still had not spoken with me since the night of the concert. Alice was still upset, but at least she wasn't giving me the cold shoulder completely. Edward and Emmett were pulling their cues from the girls, so Edward would only speak to me if he had to and Emmett was being very standoffish, but not as cold as Rose. She'd…well, she'd become the Ice Queen.
When I'd found myself invited to Atlanta by Rosalie and I'm still not certain what prompted the invite but, I'd accepted for two reasons. One hoping it would help alleviate my mind of some of the worry that was plaguing me, it hadn't helped and two because I was hoping to hear if they'd heard from Jasper.
After worrying for four days, my evil side had yet another conversation with me. I know it's starting to get scary the sheer amount of time I spend talking to myself. Anyway, this conversation was one that entailed being told to suck it up and ask for help so, I'd done just that. I went hunting bear, or rather my brother. To me, Emmett was easily comparable to a bear and a Grizzly Bear at that. He was huge, over six and a half feet tall and heavily corded with muscle. He could be mean when provoked, but basically he was a teddy bear. I set out looking for him and came to the conclusion that finding him wasn't going to be easy.
I'd searched for several hours, but while my search got me nowhere near Emmett, it did lead me to the one person in the group that had refused to even speak with me. Rosalie. Looking at her sitting on the couch was like looking into the face of Aphrodite. She was perfection, the persona of the perfect female. She was tall, leggy, stacked and as graceful as a feline with the face that was a mix of red hot momma and the girl next door. She was easily the most beautiful woman in the world. Her face, though, as I walked through the living room door while still absolutely gorgeous, was filled with loathing.
Suck it up. No one will know Jasper better than his twin. If she can't help you find him no one can.
"Hey, Rose," I said as I scanned the room quickly. No Emmett. So, Rose it is. Taking a deep breath, I decided to cut out the middle man and not ask for Emmett's whereabouts and instead I asked for her help. "I need your help Rose. If he's talked to anyone it's you. I need you to tell me where Jasper is hiding." Oops. She's on the phone.
Her eyes never left mine as she told the person on the phone she'd call them back, "Why should I help you?" She asked once off the phone.
Standing in front of her like I was made me feel like a tiny, tiny field mouse being stared down by a snake waiting for its lunch. I knew it wouldn't take much to make her strike, but she was probably my last hope. "Rose, I just want to apologize. I just want to clear the air. I read the situation wrong and he misunderstood my actions." Trying to explain without bearing all to her wasn't easy. I'd not told anyone my revelations concerning Jasper. He should be the first to hear them. Not his sister or mine.
"I don't take kindly to people that hurt the ones I love. Do you get that? I don't like you. You are not my friend and I don't have to help you do anything and that includes helping you locate my brother." Again with her Ice Queen routine.
I took a deep breath and tried to shove that inner bitch I have back into the closet and replied, "I understand that you don't know me and don't care for me. I understand that you are protective of your brother and he feels hurt after what happened on Friday night, but he's wrong Rose. I just want to…"
She interrupted me and screamed, "Just want to what? Hurt him again? Well, you can just pack your shit, chick, because that's not going to happen again!"
"No, of course not," I shouted back. "I don't want to hurt him. If I wanted that I wouldn't be standing in your living room asking for your help. I care about him and I want to fix this. I don't know how to find him. If I did I'd have walked off the stage and tracked him down, but I'm not a tracker and without your help I have no clue as to where to even start looking. So, please help me. I just want to fix this."
During my tirade, Rose sat back down and picked up her phone, but continued to look between the phone and my face. She seemed to be mulling over her options. Praying she'd choose the right one, the one I came here for, I stood there staring at her.
"I won't tell you where he is," she replied after a few moments sighing deeply. "I can't. I won't betray him that way. He's asked that his whereabouts be kept private."
Dropping my head to my chest, I turned on my heel to walk out only to hear her call my name.
"Bella," I turned back to her as she said my name.
"Yes, Rose?" Please let her help me. Please let her have changed her mind. For once, the more evil side of me was quiet.
"Have you ever been to Atlanta?" She asked.
WHAT? Is she serious?
"Umm, yeah. I had a concert there early last Summer. Why?" Atlanta? Could she possibly be giving me what I asked for?
"Well, Alice and I were going to do some shopping there this weekend and Emmett's been trying to convince me that you aren't the evil bitch you seem to be, so I thought I'd invite you along. The boys are going as well as my parents. We are taking granddaddy's jet and there is plenty of room, if you'd like to go," with that said she walked out of the room.
Which brings me to today? I was standing with Alice, Edward, Emmett, Rose and her parents at a racetrack in Georgia getting ready to watch a motorcycle race or rather the qualifying for a race. Looking over the events of the last 3 days I was still not sure how we'd come to be standing here in the Pits of a racetrack, when Rose had invited me to go shopping with her and Alice, but it was a nice change from playing Bella Barbie with them. I'd had a blast the last 2 days, shopping with the girls and just hanging out with all four of them, but that didn't keep me from my thoughts of Jasper and the complete befuddlement that I felt when Rose invited me to accompany them on this trip.
Looking around, I noticed girls upon girls lined up outside the garage area we were in. Turning to Emmett, I started to ask why we were in the garage area instead of the stands when the loud-speakers crackled.
NOW QUALIFYING FOR AMA SUPERBIKE. FIRST IS TEAM DUCATI. QUALIFYING FOR DUCATI ARE MORGAN RICHMOND, NATHAN SHORT AND JASPER HALE!
Spinning around I scanned the area looking for him. I knew he was here and I had to find him. As a moved toward the track Emmett grabbed my arm. "After he qualifies, not before." That was all he said to me before letting me go and motioning me to follow. As we climbed up into the team's viewing tower the announcer called Jasper to the qualifying line.
I watched the qualifying line for my first glimpse of him in almost exactly one week. I was dying to see him, but knew that it would be a while before I got to actually talk to him. So I appeased myself by watching him ride. He was beautiful. It was as if the bike was an extension of him and trying to decipher where one ended and the other began was impossible.
His bike was red, white and black and so was the leather he was wearing. The leather jumpsuit was custom made for him according to Emmett, so that it would have not even a single thread of extra material. I didn't understand the technical reasoning, but knew that it made him look amazing. Jasper was very tall, just an inch or so shy of Emmett and extremely well-built. Friday night at the concert he'd looked amazing but the jumpsuit just emphasized every one of his gorgeous attributes.
While watching him qualify Emmett told me a bit about Jasper's sport. Apparently, Jasper had been riding for a few years and was really good, but after another few years he planned to move up to the World Superbike circuit that competed overseas for the most part. He was the youngest AMA Superbike rider, but the sport was his passion.
Then Emmett looked at me, "Bella, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to hear me out, okay?"
"Of course, Emmett, what is it?"
"Please be careful. I know you have feelings for him. It happened instantly didn't it?" When I ducked my head and nodded, my face flaming from my blush he grinned. "Yep, that's how it was for me with Rosie too. The minute I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one for me. No questions asked. She was it for me. I'd do anything and everything to make her happy."
"I know the feeling." I replied.
He took a deep breath. When he let it out it was like he'd resolved to do something he wasn't sure he should do. "Bella, Jasper's a player. Has been since he was old enough to notice girls and they were old enough to notice him and they ALWAYS notice him, but he's never dated and he's never had a girlfriend. What's the saying? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I must not have covered my shock quickly enough, because he chuckled at me and said, "I just wanted you to know. He's my best friend and I love him like a brother, but you are my sister now and I don't take that lightly."
Feeling my anger rising I looked at Emmett and tried to rein in my temper. "Emmett, I appreciate you feeling the way I do, but if you are telling me to deny my feelings then what you feel for Rose cannot begin to compare to what feel for Jasper. He is the center of my universe. The gravity no longer holds me to this planet, he does. Without him, I am nothing. He's my sun, my moon and my air."
For the first time in my life I didn't blush when I told someone my inner most thoughts and feelings. I don't know if my lack of blush was because I was because I told Emmett and my feelings weren't directed toward him but I don't think so. I seriously believe, though, it was because after a week, I'd come to terms for the depth and suddenness of my feelings for Jasper.
"Well then, little sister. Let's go get your man." Emmett grabbed my hand and walked me over to Pit Road and helped me fend off the few people that recognized me. He introduced me to the pit crew and as we heard the whine of Jasper's motorcycle he kissed my temple and said, "Go get 'im!" I could swear he was laughing when he walked away, but before I could comment, Jasper screeched to a stop in front of me.
Looking at him, I stepped over the barrier, walked up to him as he removed his helmet. "Hi." I said breathlessly. Staring into his eyes, I cupped his jaw in my hand leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. For a moment I didn't think he would respond, but then I vaguely registered a dull thump at my feet. Then his left arm snaked around my waist and his right hand buried itself in my hair, pulling me closer to him.
When his tongue touched my upper lip I moaned and opened to him. Then I met him half way. We both groaned into the other's mouth at that first contact. Slowly, languidly our tongues brushed each other taking our time, learning each other.
"AHEM!"
Feeling the heat rise in my face, I pulled back just enough to rest my forehead against his. Staring into his eyes, I was mesmerized. "Don't run from me again."

Desperation - Chapter 3

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:13:00 +0000

So sorry this is late, but with my cubital tunnel, what I'm saying is a cold, but has to be the flu, and writer's block I've just not been able to write the way I want. The words just weren't coming the way I wanted them to, but I got some inspiration for a song today and I'm proud to say the next chapter is finished. It didn't go the way I'd planned, but I let the words flow and I'm really happy with where it ended up.
Please review. Your words are the best thing ever. The joy I get when I receive an email saying that I've been added to someone's favorites or someone has reviewed is indescribeable.
Also, there is a thread for the story over at Twilighted. Check it out.

Chapter 3

Hey Jasper!

"Don't think this conversation is over, missy." Alice's parting words to me as I walked out of my dressing room trying desperately to avoid what I knew would soon be a barrage of questions were still causing me to quake in my boots. Not to mention my knees were still a bit shaky due to that little exchange with Jasper. If just staring into his eyes could turn me to goo, imagine what a kiss would do.
Hell, imagine the mess you'll be when you…
SHUT IT! We are definitely not going there two minutes before we go on stage.
"You ready, Bells?" Danny asked.

"As ready as I ever am," I chuckled. Danny found it completely hilarious that I hated being in the spotlight so much. The sacrifices one makes for their life's passion can be substantial. I know mine has been. I was normally shy. Extremely so. I hated people staring at me or talking about me. It never failed to cause me some sort of embarrassment. Normally, I fell flat on my face. Over the last year, since signing my recording contract, I've had to shove that shy girl as far down inside of me as I possibly could. I've spent the last year meeting new people constantly, being interviewed on television, the radio and performing in front of large crowds. The first few months, I burned with a permanent blush. Marcie, my assistant found it ridiculously funny. She'd say off the wall things just to see me turn red.
In addition to the mortifying embarrassment of being in the public eye, there was the total lack of privacy. There was no such thing as privacy when you were in the spotlight.
On top of overcoming my perpetual embarrassment at being the center of attention, I've now had to learn two very hard lessons.
Lesson number one was merely painful. Not all people are good people. I'd met a guy a not long after signing my recording contract that seemed genuinely interested in me, Bella Swan, and not overly interested in BELLA the newest female country music star. He told me that he was a musician as well, but after having to sit through a song he'd written for me I came to the conclusion that while he wasn't much of a musician, pitch and key were not his friend, he was a damn good actor. Luckily, I'd caught on quick. He was just using me to further his "music career", while I'd started to have actual feelings for the ass.
Lesson number two was scary, but came with the territory. It was the reason for the move to Forks, the reason I now had Danny, Nick and Matt as friends. I now had one very determined stalker. He'd actually made it backstage at the last show. The show before that he'd grabbed me as I went to the tour bus. He scared the shit out of me, but I'd sworn the guys to secrecy. I didn't want to worry anyone unnecessarily and while I knew it was a very scary, serious situation I knew that between the guys, the record label and Marcie, that'd we'd handle it. Plus, this was the last concert for the next 6 months, so I planned to lay low, spend some time writing music for the new album and basically just spend the time getting to know my new family. The last thing I wanted to do was scare the shit out of them and have them looking over their shoulders 24/7.
Looking across the stage, I could see my new family. I'd grown up alone for the most part. Renee wasn't the best mom, nor was she the worst, but it was just us. On holidays and Summer vacations which I'd spent with Charlie, it was just the two of us. Now, I had Renee, Charlie, Phil, Marion, Alice and Emmett. It was quite a shock to the system. Hoping that things would transition smoothly was the best I could do, I suppose.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at the family one last time, grinned at Danny and walked out on stage just as the band struck up the opening of Kerosene. This song was the first I'd wrote since dealing with Stephen's crap. It was what I always started a concert with. It had loads of energy and never failed to get the crowd involved.
As I approached the mic, the crowd was going nuts. I loved it. As shy as I am, I loved being on stage. I loved performing my music. I loved when they'd scream "BELLA!" over and over. I loved feeling the vibrations of their stomping and clapping. The sound of them belting out the lyrics to my songs.
I wonder what Jasper thinks of my music.
Girl, did you not see that man look at you? I don't think he'd give a shit if you were standing out here singing show tunes or nursery rhymes.
I sneaked a peek at left stage where the family was sitting and they all seemed to be enjoying the song. They all were either singing along or moving to the beat. Turning back to the crowd I tried to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing. It was extremely hard to concentrate knowing that Jasper was standing just off stage staring at me. At least I hoped he was staring at me.
As the song ended, I screamed into the mic, "HELLO SEATTLE! I LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE!" The crowd continued to go nuts. The energy was amazing. It was cathartic. I loved every moment I spent on stage. It was just me and my fans and I wanted to give them the best show possible. "We're going to slow things done a bit with A Place in This World. I know we're all trying to find our place so this one is for all of us that are searching for something." I told them and as the band started playing, I peeked over at the family, again. I couldn't seem to stop that.
Who are you trying to kid? It's not the family, it's the dark haired, green eyed man that you are so enamored with that keeps drawing your eye, not the family.
SHUT IT!
Trying to shut up my inner voice, I turned towards stage right and nearly froze in my boots. There HE was, in the audience in the front row.
Oh FUCK! He's here! Does Danny know? What are we going to do?
Calm down. As long as he's in the audience we are fine.
I looked to stage right, towards Danny, but he wasn't there.
What the FUCK? What do you mean Danny's not there? He's not supposed to leave the stage entrance while I'm on stage.
Swallowing the fear I could feel climbing up my throat, I turned to Nathan and told him to let the others know to follow my lead when the song ended. My only course of action was to let Charlie know what was going on. I knew that I'd never be able to get him out on stage with me; I knew then that I had only one other option. JASPER. Alice swore he was a fan and knew all my music and could even play several of my songs from memory.
Coming to a decision right as I sang the last few bars of A Place in This World, I swallowed my pride and said to the audience, "Y'all know that I'm a private person, but I want to introduce you to a new friend of mine. I'm going to bring him out here for the next song. I've heard he plays guitar very well and thought I'd get him to help me out on this next song. So, give me just a second and I'll bring him back with me."
With that, I walked over to my poor confused family, looked right into Jasper's eyes and pulled him out on stage by his hand. The electricity that shot through my body penetrated my soul. That mere brush of his hand earlier was like someone shocking me. This was like grabbing a hold of a live wire and not being able to let go. It drew me to him. Made my heart sing and begged me and never let him go, to stay with him for eternity. The look on Jasper's face seemed to mirror my feelings. He looked at me like I hung the moon.
As we got back to center stage, I looked for HIM again to make certain he was still there and I told Nathan to have the band start up with Hey Stephen. I took off my guitar and handed it to Jasper with a small, nervous smile. "Everyone, this is Jasper Hale. He's a friend of mine and I want y'all to treat him nice. He's a tough guy, but he might be a bit nervous. So, let's give him a round of applause!" As the crowd erupted in thunderous applause, I grinned at him and he smiled back, even though he was still confused. "Just go with it." I whispered.
Jasper leaned into the mic, "Nice to meet you all!" He smiled at me and gave me a look that could only be described as a "YOU ARE IN FOR IT LOOK!" look. Yikes! You could just hear the girls sigh when he smiled at me.
Girl, you can't blame them. The man's breathtaking!
When you're right you're right.
Let's go for broke. Change up the lyrics a bit.
NO! NO, NO! ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT!
I'm doing it.
Oh, I hate you!
As the song started and I began humming I fell into his eyes again, just as I had in my dressing room earlier. Those gorgeous moss green eyes that just captivated me, were staring into my eyes and once again everything faded into the distance, leaving just the two of us.
Hey Jasper
His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I sang the new lyrics. His face started turning a bit pink and he grinned from ear to ear.
I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
As we walked
We were talkingI didn't say
Half the things I wanted to
Of all the girls
Tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there
Even when it's cold
Hey Jasper
Boy you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone
He stepped forward, towards me and the mic and began singing with me. His voice was soft and melodic. Almost like velvet. He was looking at me like I was his last meal. His eyes caught fire and burned into mine.
Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin' since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can help myself
Oh wow. I know this song epitomizes our feelings for him, but could he be feeling the same?
SHUT IT, stupid. He's just playing along like we told him to.
That's not going to set his eyes on fire. I swear it's like he's trying to uncover all our deep dark secrets with just a look.
Hey Jasper
I been holdin back this feelin'
So I got some things to say to you, ha
I've seen it all so I thought that I'd
Never see nobody shine the way you do
The way you walk
Way you talk
Way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful
Don't you ever change
Hey Jasper
Why are people always leavin
I think you and I should stay the same
Just like the first time, he stepped forward and sang the chorus with me. Only this time, he was staring at my lips. Watching him staring at my mouth made me want to lean forward and taste his. His lips were a thing of beauty. They were full and begged for me to kiss them. It's like we were magnets, being drawn together. The longer the song went on the stronger the sexual tension became.
Cause I can't help it if you look like an angelCan't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin' since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can't help myself
The dim in the street lights
You're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
Waiting alone now
So come on and come out
And pull me near
And shine, shine, shine
Hey Jasper
I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls
Well they're beautiful but
Would they write a song for you?
He just shook his head. Why did he shake his head? Is he acknowledging that the girls, and for some reason I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there were/are LOTS of girls in his life, in his life wouldn't or rather couldn't love him the way I could.
SHUT IT! Just enjoy it. Quit analyzing everything. Go with the flow for once.
Ha-ha!
That's me laughing at you.
This time when he stepped up to sing with me, I couldn't help myself. My left hand reached out and brushed his cheek. While I'd not planned to do this, his reaction determined my future course of action.
OH! He likes us touching him. He leaned into it. His eyes closed.
Oh, I'm in trouble.
Instead of moving my hand away after I brushed his cheek, I cupped his jaw in my hand and brushed his cheek with my thumb. I stared deep into his eyes as we sang the chorus together.
I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin' since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can't help myself
If you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magicI been feelin' since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can help myself
Myself...
As I finished the song, his song, I removed my hand from his cheek and stared into his eyes, trying, desperately, to convey my feelings for him. It didn't matter that we'd only met this afternoon. It didn't matter that I didn't know if he had a girlfriend or not, or even if he had feelings for me. I LOVED HIM. He became my reason for being. I knew in that instant that I would do anything, give it all, and make any sacrifice to make him happy. His happiness was my life's ambition and I'd do anything to make it a reality. He was now my life, the center of my universe.
As he leaned forward to kiss me, I turned my head and pressed my cheek against his away from the mic and I whispered, "Danny's gone missing from stage right. My stalker is here, sitting stage left, fourth seat from the left. I'm scared, Jasper. He tried grabbing me show before last. Last show, he got into my dressing room and went through my clothes shredding my underwear all over the place." As I'd admitted my fear my lips had brushed his ear, causing him to shudder. I pulled back and looked into his eyes and saw something resembling disappointment and hurt flash across his face before he closed his eyes, shutting me out.
"I'll tell Charlie," he said as he removed my guitar and handed it to me. With one last look, he turned and walked away.

Desperation - Chapter 2

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:11:00 +0000

Chapter 2 Author's Note
AN: I have to say that the thrill of seeing that 50 people had read my first chapter was a high unlike any other and it inspired me to keep writing. So, if just reading the story gives you these kinds of results, imagine what reviews will do? LOL! I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments concerning the story.
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.
All songs are owned by their owners and I'm just using them to give my Bella a musical portfolio. I'll post the playlist on my Profile.
I own this weird story and not much else.

Chapter 2

Meeting the family

Sitting in my dressing room before the show, I let my mind wander. It's something that I always did before a show. I'd just close my eyes and follow along for the ride. Tonight my mind naturally went to my new family. I couldn't wait to see Charlie and to meet Marion. If Marion is anything like her kids, I knew she would be a fabulous person. Alice and Emmett were a great surprise. No evil steps for me. I got the two nicest people imaginable for a stepbrother and sister.
They would all be here for the show. Marcie wrangled backstage passes for the whole family, plus Rose, Jasper, Edward and their families. Backstage was going to be crowded. It made me a bit nervous, but I knew that I couldn't let Emmett see it. He'd tease me mercilessly.

Emmett was a smart and athletic guy, but the greatest thing about him was that he's a goof ball. He kept me in stitches with his antics all afternoon. There was never an awkward moment between us. He was my brother and I his sister and that was that.
Alice is the sister I never realized I'd always wanted. She talked non-stop the entire day. Her topics of conversation knew no bounds and she even giggled whenever she noticed me looking at Jasper. Once she even leaned over and helped me shut my mouth and wiped the, hopefully imaginary, drool from my face when she caught me staring at his ass. His ass in denim was like a little slice of heaven.
I knew that after tonight's concert I'd be in for it when it came to Alice and the subject of Jasper. She had raised her eyebrows and murmured "Later" when she heard me moan "I'm in Trouble" for the second time this afternoon. Jasper's ass in those jeans, those damn gorgeous eyes and that smirk were enough to make my panties wet.
This afternoon was one of the best and worst I've ever spent. We'd spent the afternoon looking for a car for meand buying said car. I found something I really loved right off the bat, but they insisted I shop around. Rosalie was so knowledgeable about cars that with her help and the guys too, I'd finally decided on a Ford Kuga. It was my first choice and had taken me absolutely zero time to fall in love with it. Well, at least with the model. Then it only took an hour of Alice listing all the pros and cons of each color to choose the actual one I was taking home.
Damn pixie.
You love her and you know it.
I did love her. She's so full of energy and fun. How she and Emmett had managed to come out of their childhood and not be warped is beyond me? From what I'd learned from Charlie and now Alice, Alice and Emmett's dad was a mean drunk. He was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to them and their mom, as well as, sexually abusive to Marion, forcing himself on her whenever he was angry. Alice told me that Marion had met my dad on one of many domestic violence calls from the neighbors.
This just confirmed what Charlie had told me when they got married. He said that he'd begged her for years to leave that he'd help her anyway he could.
The night she finally got up the nerve to file a police report was the night he'd attacked Alice. He'd been drinking at the bar and when he got home he'd tried to rape Marion and she fought back. When she ran from the room he'd grabbed Alice, but Emmett had called 911. When Charlie busted in the front door, Alice was laying on the floor with Emmett crouched protectively over her and Marion standing in front of them with a gun pointed at her husband.
Charlie told me that he talked to her daily after that. He'd either stop by the hospital or the house or just call her on the phone, anything to reassure her that she was safe. That the SOB was in jail and would remain there for as long as he could keep him there. He encouraged her to find a counselor and to file for divorce. She had the divorce papers served to him in jail.
Alice was the one that told me how her dad had died. Apparently, when he was released from jail it just happened that he showed up at the house the night of Charlie and Marion's first date. Talk about bad timing. Charlie told him to take a hike and he and Marion left, after Charlie had called in one of the deputies to sit on the house and watch out for Alice. Emmett was gone with the football team for an away game and that left Alice home alone.
That night when Charlie and Marion came home he was sitting in the living room with a gun to Alice's head. Alice told me that her dad wanted his family back and he told her that no two-bit cop was going to steal them away from him. A struggle ensued. Charlie managed to knock the gun out of his hand, but not before he'd gotten shot in the shoulder. When the gun went sliding across the floor, Alice's dad sat on Charlie's chest strangling him while beating his head on the marble floor in the entry. Marion grabbed it and shot her ex point blank, never blinking an eye at him bleeding all over the floor, but sobbing hysterically over Charlie, thinking he was dead. Alice said she'd smiled her first real smile as a teen when she heard her mom profess her love of Charlie, begging God to not take him from her.
I wonder what his name was. Just realizing that neither Charlie nor Alice had ever said it when they'd told me the story. Hmm. Weird.
I was drawn out of my thoughts and away from the new melody I'd been humming by a knock at the dressing room door. "Yes?" I sighed.
"Bella? Your family is here," Marcie called through the door.
"Thanks, Marcie. Bring them on in." I replied. Taking a deep breath, I stood and straightened my clothes. My stage clothes were a bit more revealing than what I'd normally wear and it weirded me out to be seeing Charlie for the first time in ages, dressed like this. Not to mention meeting Marion and the other parents dressed so scantily.
Suck it up and quit whining.
SHUT IT! Great now, not only am I talking to myself I'm answering now too. UGH!
"Bells?" Charlie was the first through the door. I think he was a bit confused, having never seen me dressed this way.
"Ch-Dad!" I beamed at him. He looked so happy. You could see it shining out of him. WOW! Marion must really be something.
He grabbed me up and wrapped me in a bear hug. "I'm so glad you're here, Bells. How are you doing? Anymore problems?"
UGH! He would have to ask that question, now wouldn't he?
He's a dad. What can you expect?
"I'm fine, dad. Where's this wicked stepmom you've saddled me with?" I asked, jokingly. I turned and grinned at the beautiful woman behind Charlie. "You must be Marion," I said just as Charlie turned and wrapped his other arm around her and kissed her cheek. DOUBLE WOW! Charlie and PDA normally didn't go hand in hand.
She's really changed him.
Made him get over mom is more like it.
When you're right, you're right.
About damn time you admit I'm right.
Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
SHUT IT!
As Marion hugged me, Trouble, with a capital T, walked through the door. Damn that man is perfection. Yum! Dressed in cowboy boots, that looked like they cost at least as much as my Christian Louboutin's, perfectly fitted, distressed jeans and a black shirt with intricate scroll work at the cuffs and over the shoulders. His gorgeous dark hair was styled perfectly and his gorgeous green eyes sought mine out the minute he walked through the door.
His ever present smirk disappeared when I stepped out of Marion's embrace and he was able to fully appreciate my outfit and was replaced with a clenched jaw. His Adam's apple bobbed several times as he raked his eyes over me from my black and red peep toe Christian Louboutin Gabin platform pumps, up over my black Pac Sun skinny jeans to the black corset with blood red sequins that pushed my breasts up into the perfection category. Unlike most guys, he didn't stop there. He licked his lips when he made it to my collarbone and the Victorian charm and velvet choker. Thinking of him licking and nibbling on my collarbone and neck, hell on ME, made me gasp. His eyes flew to mine and he shivered.
Yes, there is a God! You should drop to your knees and give thanks.
Thank you, Jesus, for gifting me with a figure that makes this man shiver! Oh, and keep your mind out of the gutter. He did.
After what seemed like eons of staring into his handsome face while he undressed me with his eyes, Alice rescued me when she heard my small gasp and made introductions all around. Edward's parents, Esme and Carlisle were breathtakingly beautiful people. Carlisle, being the Chief of Staff at Forks hospital would be a great acquaintance soon, I'm sure. I'm not the most graceful person sometimes. Esme is in interior design and architecture with Rose and Jasper's mom, from what Alice had said earlier and from the looks of her she could easily grace the cover of Vogue.
Rosalie and Jasper's parents, Lillian and Walker, were present as well and apparently Alice had forgotten to mention that their mom and Edward's were twins. She was just as beautiful as Esme. Walker, Marine Colonel Walker Hale to be exact, looked like a hard man. At least until he turned his sexy smirk on me and wrapped me in a bear hug and said with Jasper's sultry velvet Texas drawl, "Darlin', you are just the cutest little thing in shoe leather. You must get it from that Mama of yours, because damn if your Daddy ain't ugly as sin."
"Ha Ha, Colonel! Like you're any prettier," Charlie came back.
Now we know where Jasper gets his sex appeal. Poor Lillian didn't stand a chance.
Neither do WE!
Everyone just cackled at the expression on my shocked face causing my face to burn. "Normally, my dad and I never agree on anything, but I must say this time he's dead on." Jasper whispered behind me.
I gasped and spun around, not realizing he was standing behind me. Much less close enough to whisper in my ear. As I looked up in his eyes the world stood still, everything but the two of us receded into oblivion. When his hand brushed mine, I'm not sure if it was intentional or an accident and it didn't matter. It felt like a thousand volts of electricity coursed through my body from that one point of contact. This time he was the one that gasped, I still had yet to breathe, and his eyes seemed to catch fire turning them into smoldering emeralds.
As his eyes burned into mine, I gulped and licked my lips. Those gorgeous gems followed the path of my tongue and his tongue did the same.
PLEASE, KISS ME!
Seeming to hear my thoughts, he leaned towards me and his lips parted.
"AHEM! BELLA!"
I gasped and tried to spin myself around to see who was trying to get my attention, knowing that whoever it was had said my name more than once, but tripped over his boot. He wrapped his around me and caught me before I face planted. I could feel him, all of him, from knee to shoulders.
Damn, he's close and he smells SO good.
Yes, he is. Kiss him! Hell, throw him down and fuck him! Just don't back away. His arms are around us. WE do NOT want to move.
SHUT IT! Have you forgotten we've never had sex? Hell, we've never even had a boyfriend or a real kiss. Quit skipping steps.
Feeling my face blister under the blush that covered not only my face, but my chest as well, I turned to face our audience. Alice was shocked. Rose looked like I had grown another head. Carlisle, Emmett and Edward were sporting matching smirks.
Okay, not so bad. Maybe we didn't just nearly make out in front of all our family and friends and it was just a very, very vivid fantasy.
Yeah, right, idiot. You're creative, but not that creative.
As I turned to look at the adults in the group, I received knowing glances from Lillian, Esme and Marion, but before I was able to look at mine or Jasper's dad, Charlie said, "Bella, won't you get cold?" Probably noticing that my breasts nearly spilled out of my corset when Jasper caught me. "Maybe you should wear a jacket?" With that said he grabbed Marion's hand and walked out the dressing room door. Quickly followed by a chuckling Walker and Carlisle. Lillian and Esme beamed at us and followed their husbands, shutting the door behind them.
Just as the door shut the room erupted in laughter as Alice, Rosalie, Edward and Emmett all flopped down in various seats laughing their asses off at us.
"Damn, Jazz. You looked like you going to lay her down and fuck her right there, man. What were you thinking?" Emmett laughed.
"Apparently, I wasn't," Jasper replied and he walked out the door, winking at me behind their backs.
"Nice, Emmett. Real nice." Alice said.
Deciding to follow Rosalie's lead in how to deal with a brother, I looked at Emmett and said, "How do you know I wasn't going to be the one doing the throwing?"
"EW! Bells, I'm going to need bleach to clean the smut off my brain if you don't stop with the visuals!" Emmett yelled. We all laughed at him as he and Edward took off after everyone else, leaving me alone with the girls.
"Umm, Bella could you refrain from doing whatever it was you and Jasper were doing in front of me. He is my brother you know and that's just nasty." Rose laughed.
"Bella, that looked intense!" Alice said. "I couldn't see your face, but the look on Jasper's could have melted steel."
Tell me about it. You should have been on the receiving end. I still feel like a pool of goo.
"BELLA! SHOWTIME!" Danny shouted from the hall.
Saved by the Bell. Thank God for Danny.

Desperation - Chapter 1

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:07:00 +0000

AN: SMeyer owns Twilight and the characters. I own this weird story. All songs are owned by their owners and I'm just using them to give my Bella a musical portfolio. The playlist is posted on my blog. .com

Chapter 1

I'm in Trouble

"Barry, we need to go over a few songs, before the show tonight. You want to use that as your sound check?" I asked the tech when I stepped up to the mic.
"Sure, Bells. Just do your thing, Darlin' I'll take of you!" Barry was my sound tech. He always made certain that I sounded great. He helped me out tremendously when I pushed myself too far.
"Danny, you around," I asked? Danny is the head of security. Who knew life as a musician would mean never having a moment of privacy? I thought it was ridiculous until several months ago when the scary side of fame reared its ugly head. Since then we've added 2 other guys to the security team.
"Yep, I'm here Bells. What can I do you for," Danny replied.
"My new step brother and sister are showing up today. Their names are Emmett and Alice McCarty. Alice said that they might bring a few friends with them. When they get here let them in and make sure that Marcie makes them comfy. Please and thanks!"

Grabbing my guitar, I walked up to the mic again. Okay, time to earn those big checks I get. I'm nervous as hell, but I need to quell that and get to work. One Blue Sky, I Wanna Die, Kerosene and Desperation all need some tweaking, definitely. Hope we can get this settled quickly. I'd like to actually meet my new siblings BEFORE the show.
Just as the opening strands of One Blue Sky started I saw four of the most beautiful people I'd ever laid eyes one walk into the area from stage left. Wow, if they are my new siblings, then I will have to step up the game a bit. No way in hell I could stand within a 20 mile radius of any of them and not look like the ugly duckling. FUCK!
"Sounds good on your end, guys, but there is something wonky going on with the board," Barry yelled down to us, just as the last chord was played. "So, take a break, but stay close, I'll have it fixed in a minute or two."
Pushing my guitar around my back, I walked over to the stool and got my water bottle just as I was hit by what I could only begin to describe as a hurricane or tornado. The force of energy that surrounded the smallest adult I'd ever met was baffling. This must be Alice.
"OH MY GOD, BELLA! That song was great!" The pixie squealed. "I have to admit I'd not ever listened to country music until I learned you and I were going to be sisters, but I loved that song."
Looking her over, she looked as if she'd just stepped out of Vogue, as did her tall, leggy blonde girlfriend. Damn .Of all the days I need to NOT look plain and blah.
"Thanks." I blushed. Fuck! Now I look like an even bigger idiot. "You must be Alice. Which would make you Rosalie, if I'm not mistaken?"
Again Alice piped up and said, "Yes, and this is Emmett, our brother and Edward, my boyfriend. That's Edward's cousin and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie. Rose's brother, Jasper was going to come as well, but got hung up and couldn't make it." She'd pointed everyone out as she went around the group.
I blushed, "It's great to meet you all."
"Bells, you ready. I think I've got the kinks worked out." Barry called out.
"Thanks, Barry," I turned back to Alice and grimaced. "Work calls, but it shouldn't take too long then we can go do something fun. Maybe an hour, tops?" When they all nodded, I pointed off stage towards my dressing room and said, "There's loads of food and drinks backstage if y'all are hungry."
As I wrapped up my conversation with Alice, I noticed that the band was back in their spots waiting on me. Not wanting to keep the guys or Alice and her friends waiting, I pulled my guitar around, and started strumming out the notes to I Wanna Die.
You know it's so complicated, first you love then you hate it
Someone's laughing, someone's crying, someone's livin', someone's dying
Somebody always looses and we still play the game
And the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I ain't gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die
Oh my God! Who the fuck is that? That man is like walking sin. I don't know who the hell he is, but I know I want him, like yesterday. Being that hot should be outlawed.
You always say that you love me and there is no one above me
Never giving, always takin', never bending, always breaking
I know you ain't a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin' on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die
Oh my God! Could he be Rosalie's brother? Just then he stopped by Alice and Rose and gave them both a hug and knocked fists with the guys. Yep. That's bound to be Jasper. WOW! There's just something about him. He makes me breathless. He's got that James Dean, Johnny Cash man in black, Elvis as young thang in black leather bad boy thing going on. DAMN that's the finest specimen of Yum I've seen in awhile.
Tear it up, break it down
I know what I'd like him to tear up and break down.
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
Damn, if this one ain't a player then he needs to have his head examined. He's so hot that one wink would probably make them drop their panties and not even worry about the location or the consequences.
And I'm just another in a long line of fools
I'll not be thinking about that right now. Looking at Sin again made me miss a couple of notes. Fuck! Did he just smirk at me? Fuck he did. He knows my music well enough to smirk at me? Oh Fuck me. I'm in trouble. Better pay attention.
Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing, you're crying, you're livin', I'm dyin'
Somebody always looses and we still play the game
Yeah the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I ain't gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die
Tear it up, break it down
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
And I'm just another in a long line of fools
Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing you're crying, you're living, I'm dyin'
I know you ain't a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin' I wanna die
OHHHH I wanna die
Tear it up Tear it up
um um um
Man, I love that song! Especially, now that Walking Sin is in the room! UGH! That man is enough to make a girl weep.
Checking with the guys, we decided to go into Kerosene next. I really did try my best to forget that the best looking man I'd ever seen in my life was standing not 30 feet away, but fuck me it was hard. It was like I could feel his eyes boring into me while I was playing.
I managed to make it through Kerosene without any fuck ups but knew that Desperation was going to be a bit harder considering the song's meaning and lyrics, but I decided to just go with the flow and use my newfound lust for Sin, or rather Jasper as my focus. Maybe with some inspiration I can make it come out the way it's supposed to. So, I looked right at Jasper, as I started singing.
Throw a dog a bone I'll take it if I have to
Go real fast like there's somewhere we can get to
What's the use of standing right there on the edge if there ain't nowhere to fall
What's the use in hanging on tight to the phone if nobody might call
Desperation
There's danger in frustration
Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth
I'm still desperate for you
Tell it like a lie live it like a movie
Give a heart away like it don't mean nothing to me
What's the use in making all the plans that we made if you weren't gonna go
What's the use of slapping on a smile for a face if your eyes don't wanna show
Desperation
There's danger in frustration
Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth
I'm still desperate for you
Well it's too damn bad you didn't have a chance to make me your best friend
You were too caught up in giving too much up and not doing what you should have been
Desperation
There's danger in frustration
Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth
I'm still desperate for you
Just as the last note left my mouth, I turned from the mic. As I winked at the guys letting them know how well they'd done, I set the guitar down and grabbed my water and I hopped off the stage excited to finally meet what I was Desperate for. I tried my best to saunter over to my new siblings and what I hoped would be my future. What the FUCK? You don't fucking saunter!
The inky haired pixie piped up first. "Bella, that was great! I really loved that last song! I can't wait for the actual concert."
"Thanks, Alice! So, I have a several hours to kill before the show, if you all want to find something to do? I need to buy a car first and foremost. Charlie said he bring me up one day this week, but I'd rather get it today, so I can spend this week settling in. If that doesn't interest you all we can do something else, though." Fuck me I'm rambling again. UGH! I'm such an idiot. Oh my God! He has green eyes, mossy green eyes. Oh fuck me. I'm in trouble.
I tried pretending I was scanning the group, but I just kept coming back to that green eyed beauty to my right. UGH! Bella can you be more obvious? "To be honest, I'm lost as to what to buy, so if any of you boys can help, I'd REALLY appreciate it."
Just as I was looking around again, or trying to, he snorted. "Rose, think you can help the girl out?" He chuckled again just before Rose punched him. HARD! "Damn, bitch could you take it easy, that's the shoulder I injured this week?"
AWW! He's hurt! Wonder if he'll let me kiss it and make it better?
"Maybe now you'll watch your fucking mouth and not be such a prissy asshole?" I giggled. Apparently, this was definitely Jasper, Rose's twin brother and she could give as well as she got.
My giggles must have finally drawn is attention away tormenting from his sister long enough to realize we'd yet to be introduced. He turned to me and smiled. Looking straight into his face the dazzling green of his eyes nearly knocked me to my knees. He was hot from a distance, but up close he was breathtaking. The hard lines of his face were prominent even when he was smiling. His lips were full and pink and extremely kissable. I wanted to spend hours, days, weeks, FUCK THAT, years. It would take years of kissing for me to be satisfied that I'd learned all the contours, textures and mysteries his mouth was hiding. I was still staring at his mouth when he smirked at me.
"I'm Jasper."
FUCK ME! I'M IN TROUBLE!

Claiming My Place

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:06:00 +0000

AN: I know, I know. I've been hiding, but my muse deserted me, but she seems to have come back with a vengeance today. I've been working on the next chapter of Second Chance at Forever and then this just popped into my head. I had to take a break and get it down cause it was messing with SCaF.
I'm in love with Sons of Anarchy, but sometimes it really ticks me off. So this is just my take on what Tara should do. Picks up at the end of SoA 305.
I own nothing.

Claiming My Place

Lying in bed, stroking my belly just below my navel, I can't help but think of Jax. I know what he's doing and I know why. He's protecting me, but see the problem with Jax and his misguided notions is this. I'm his Old Lady and with Gemma out of the loop and chained to that hospital bed, I'm the head Old Lady around here and I refuse to let her down. Not to mention, refusing to raise this baby alone. Not only that, but everyone in Charming knew I was Jax Teller's Old Lady. Guess what that gets me without the family's protection? A great big fucking target on my back. The Chinese, the One-Niners, and the Mayans all know who I am and where to fucking find me. Not a good position to be in, in my opinion.

All that aside, Jax and I belonged together. I learned my lesson. I left. I made myself a good life, but I was NEVER happy. To be honest, I was miserable and I refuse to go back to that. Yes, I admit, the MC life scared the fuck out of me at times, but I'd prefer to be scared on occasion than to be without the man I love and this family. All of which meant I was in for a
With Jax and the way he's feeling right now, he was doing one of three things. He was fucking, fighting or drinking. None of which was going to get us what we both want and need. Abel.
Sucking in a deep breath, I stood up pulling on my jeans. I grabbed my keys, purse and jacket locked the door behind me as I left the house. I'm determined to save my family, with or without his fucking help. So, if I have to fight him first, then fight him I will. Hopping in the Cutlass, I gunned the engine and peeled off toward the club. Whichever one of his methods of forgetting he was drowning himself in, it didn't matter to me, but it ends and it ends now. I want my son back and Jax needed to get his fucking head screwed back on straight, so we can go get Abel.
Once at the Teller-Marrow, I get out of the car slamming the door and taking off toward club. Juice is standing outside talking on the phone as I walk in the door. He yells, "Tara!"
I never even slowed down. Determination fueled me, pushing me to move faster. Before I know it I'm standing outside Jax's room. The sounds alerted me to his chosen method of avoidance.
Fucking.
Should've known.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the knob and slammed the door open against the wall. His beautiful, tattooed back was writhing over top that CaraCara whore. Fucking cunt isn't getting my man. Walking over to the bed, I shoved him off her and yanked her out of the bed by her bottle bleached hair.
I dragged her all the way out of the club and slung her naked ass out into the parking lot. "Fucking, get the fuck out of here you God damned whore and don't fucking come back again." I screamed at her as she fell to the fucking asphalt. "I fucking told you to stay the fuck away from my man and I fucking meant it. Don't fucking show your skanky ass around here again. You won't like the fucking consequences."
I turned and walked back into the club, passing all the guys that were either snickering or standing there mouths agape. I stormed right back into Jax's room and slammed the door behind me.
He was standing next to his bed, pulling his clothes on. The sound of the slamming door must have startled him, cause he jumped and spun toward the door. Walking up to him, I gave him yet another hard shove and he fell back into the wall. "Let me explain something to you, Jackson Teller. You are mine. I'm your fucking Old Lady. If I fucking find you sticking your fucking dick in to somewhere else, I'll fucking cut it the fuck off." I said.
"Tara," he signed. "You need to get to the fuck away from me and the MC before…"
Interrupting him, I said, "Fuck you. I'm a fucking adult, Jax. Who I spend my time with is my fucking business. I fucking love you. I tried it away from you and I was fucking miserable. So guess what, your fucking stuck with me. Not to mention, my son. I may not have carried him or delivered him, but he's fucking mine and I don't plan on standing aside while someone else raises him. Nor do I plan to stand aside while that fucking whore raises Abel and the new baby. Cause guess, what asshole? I'm not fucking Wendy. I won't walk away from my children."
As I paused to take a breath, I realized what I just said and then I watched that realization dawn on Jax.
"What new baby?"
Sighing, I replied, "Our baby. The one I'm carrying. And I don't plan on raising it by myself, so you need to get it through your head, that we are better together than apart and that no matter what, I'm here for the long haul. I love you and I love Abel and this family and I'm not fucking walking away from it again and I sure as hell am not going to let you push me away."
He walked over to me and said, "We're having a baby?" He brushed his knuckles over my stomach in awe.
"Yes."
He exhaled and wrapped his arms around me. "Oh God, Tara." He whispered into my hair.
I pulled away and asked, "So, when do we go get our son and bring him home?"
"I'm not going to be able to convince you to stay here, am I?" He asked.
"You wanted me for your Old Lady, Jax. I'm just claiming my place." I said with a grin.
He pulled me flush against him and laughed softly, before whispering in my ear, "It was always your place, Tara."
AN: So, there you go. My thoughts on how Tara should handle Jax and his childish behavior.

First Chance at Love - Chapter 3

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 15:05:00 +0000

While I'm not back … yet… I hope to be soon. I don't own anything here other than the story line and all the errors as I posted this completely unbeta'd. SORRY. Enjoy.
Looking at the clock, I realize that if I want, I can face the last demon that's keeping my closet door firmly closed. Swallowing back the fear, I pull out my cell and dial a number that I've known since kindergarten. I wait anxiously as the electronic ringing resonates in my ear.
"Jasper, baby are you okay?" My mother answers, panicked at my late night call.
SHIT! Not the brightest idea, idiot.
"Yeah, Mama. I'm fine. Great in fact." I soothe. This isn't really a conversation I want to have on the phone, but…
"Well, that's good, baby. Don't you have an 8am class in the morning?" She asks relief evident in her voice.
"I met someone, Mama," I say simply.

I can picture her face lighting up at my words and dread fills me as I know I'm about to wipe that smile off her face. Maybe not to be seen again. I'm a Texas boy. Raised by good Christian people. My father is an elder in the church and I know this is probably not going to go over well, but I can't deny it any longer. I can't hide anymore.
"JASPER MARTIN WHITLOCK! You aren't joshin' me, are you?" Her excitement, even though I know it will be short lived fills me with happiness and then immediately sorrow takes its place.
Sighing, I reply, "No, Mama. I'm not joking. Can you get Daddy? I'd like to talk with you both."
"Of course, baby." I listen as she covers the receiver while yelling for my father. A few minutes later both their voices come over the phone. "We're here."
"Hey Daddy. How's the ranch?" Hoping to buy myself some time, deter him from just a bit while I work up the nerve to say what needs to be said.
My father isn't one to be deterred though. "The ranch is doing fine. Now, what's this your mama says about you meetin' someone?"
"Yeah. I did." Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves I come right out with it. "His name is Edward. He's from Chicago and he's gorgeous. And yes, I am gay."
Silence.
I could probably hear a pin drop it's so quiet on the other side of the conversation.
Then there's a sigh. A rather loud sigh. "Are you being careful, son?"
A blanket of confusion settles over me. "Umm … yes sir." I answer quietly. I sit there for the longest time, waiting for the scene of dismay and tears or anger and rage or even hatred and disownment to play out, but it never comes. Instead I get "Are you being careful, son?"
WHAT THE FUCK? Where's the condemnation, the anger, the disbelief?
"Well … umm … good. I love you son." My father's quiet acceptance is unnerving.
"Umm … wait, what?" I have to know. I can't just accept this. They have got to explain themselves.
It's Mama that sighs this time. "Jasper, honey, we love you. As much as we would prefer that you found a nice girl to settle down with and give us grandbabies with, we know that this isn't something that you've chosen and even if you had, it wouldn't matter. You're a beautiful boy, smart, intelligent, yet in high school there was never a girl. Never. Not even once. Not even a soft murmur of a girl – even though you were a star athlete. I knew that you were … well … umm … active. I found the empty condom wrappers in your pocket once while doing laundry. So, while I knew, I tried to deny it for so very long and then as time went on and we still never got to meet a girl, I…"
As if I wasn't floored enough, my dear sweet mother just said CONDOM! Oh Jesus.
"She came to me, son. We discussed it. So, while you were probably expecting an emotional mess, when you called, I'm glad to say that your mama and I've been there already and now we just want you to know we love you."
I sat there on my bed, tears coursing down my face, unable to talk. This just wasn't normal. Parents just didn't react to this news like this.
Did they?
"Jasper, baby? You okay?" Mama asked after several very quiet moments only broken with the sobs I couldn't contain.
I took a deep breath and held it for a moment, before releasing it slowly. "Umm…well. I'm not sure. Daddy's right I was expecting things to go much rougher than this, but I can't say I'm not happy that y'all accept me the way I am. I love you." My voice hitched just a bit at the end and I know they most likely heard it, but after what I just threw at them and what they gave back to me, being embarrassed about the tears that had overtaken me was impossible.
"We love you, too, son," my father replied and if I'm not mistaken I heard that same hitch in his own words.
This one-shot is written for all those in the LGBT community that have come out of the closet and not been given this sort of acceptance. My hope is that one day, our world will judge a person on what's important. As Dr. King said, "I have a dream…"

Finally Home

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:23:00 +0000

Disclaimer: Stephenie's the ranch boss. I'm just the cook.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy Contest

"Break out the denim, boots and cowboy hats, turn up the country music cause we're goin' country y'all!"

Pairing: Jasper &Bella

POV: Jasper

Rating – not needed, if you're not of age to buy porn, then you shouldn't be reading it, much less writing it.

This one-shot is being posted in participation with the aforementioned contest hosted by bemylullaby, ImWithTheVampires08 , mischief-maker1 , miztrezboo, Nostalgicmiss, TwilightMom and our admin assistant Mimi here at the FournikationFoundation. Please see any of the aforementioned author's profiles for complete contest information, or see the C2 community 'Fournication Station Contests'.

~*~

Finally Home

Pulling the hat from my head, I dragged my arm across my forehead, wiping my brow. Looking down at my Stetson, I realized it was covered in dust. Swearing softly, I smacked the fucker against my leg, knocking the dust off the hat only for it to now cover my jeans.
Fucking West Texas! God there are times when I hate this fucking place. Dust, dust and more fucking dust.
From the back of my horse, I had a 360 degree view of my ranch. Looking around, I allowed my gaze to drift across the barren land that had carried the Whitlock name for over 250 years. My ancestors loved, married, fought, killed, and buried Indians, Mexicans and bandits for this piece of shit dust bowl for probably the first 100 years after they had settled here. Why the fuck they would want it or consider it worthy enough to fight for, I'd never fucking know. Water was scarce, rain almost non-fucking-existent, and civilization was so fucking far away that my designer-clad, uppity bitch of a wife had ran as fast and as far as she could as soon as she could.
Fucking bitch!

Every time I thought of Alice Brandon I growled. I couldn't help it. It took everything in me just to restrain the overwhelming desire I had to keep from ripping her fucking hot as fuck, petite ass body to fucking shreds. Leaving me was one thing, but what she'd done was the worst sort of betrayal. Emmett had warned me that she was trouble, but I refused to fucking listen and look where it got me – divorced, broke as fuck, and barely holding on to my heritage by the skin of my teeth.
While, I may hate this God forsaken place and wish I was still eating sand with Emmett in Afghanistan, this fucking ranch was my roots, my heritage and I just couldn't let it go. So, despite Alice's protests, when daddy died, I resigned my commission in the Marines, loaded our shit up in the back of a U-haul, and made the trek from San Diego to West Texas, towing Alice's whiny bitch face the entire way.
She lasted all of eighteen months before she hightailed it out of my life, taking with her every God damned red cent she could get her hands on. She wiped out the fucking checking and savings accounts and she left me with seven fucking credit cards, all in my fucking name alone, and every last one of them maxed to the fucking line and behind by at least three fucking months. She was just lucky that my Mama had managed to instill some gentlemanly qualities in me. Between Mama and Mrs. McCarty, Emmett's mama, I'd been raised right and knew that hitting a woman was wrong. That lesson alone had saved Alice Brandon the ass kickin' she deserved and would have gotten had she been a man.
The one time I should've listened to Emmett and I didn't. I should have my ass kicked.
Emmett McCarty and I were more like brothers than friends. We'd grown up together. Our families' ranches were next door to each other and the two families had been friends for almost as long as there had been Whitlock's and McCarty's in this part of the country. Emmett's granddaddy was a gambling man, though, and when Emmett was sixteen and I was fifteen his family lost their ranch A week later, after putting old man McCarty in the ground following a massive heart attack, their ranch was auctioned off. Mama and Daddy convinced John, Emmett's daddy to take over the ramrod's job on our ranch and the McCarty's moved into our old homestead with Emmett and his nearly thirteen year old sister, Bella.
Bella.
Just like it had always done, my mind sighed at just the thought of her name and my face broke into a wide ass grin. Isabella Marie McCarty was the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. She was breathtaking and had been from birth. While Emmett had tormented her relentlessly when we were growing up, I played tea party and baby dolls and kissed her 'owies'. I couldn't help but chuckle at the memories that assaulted me. I helped Bella over fences, taught her how to ride a horse, skip rocks, swim the lake, shoot a rifle, field dress a deer, throw a punch and my second favorite lesson, how to kiss a boy. Still to this day, the electricity I felt when our lips touched for the first time sends a rush of desire through me unlike any I had known before or since. I could remember every nuance of that kiss.
Unfortunately, I could still remember the busted lip and broken nose that Emmett had doled out when he found us in the barn that day. Man, he was pissed! A slight smile danced across my face thinking about that day. Reaching up, I ran my finger over the tiny bump on my nose. That was the only time Emmett and I had ever really fought. He refused to speak to me for a week. The catalyst that opened his mouth finally was actually the one thing that had shut it to begin with.
Bella.
A week after the first kiss, Emmett walked in on what had to be the hundredth kiss and to say he was pissed was an understatement. He was fucking livid. We had fit and fought all over the ranch yard. Bella was crying, our Daddies were laughing and our Mamas were screaming at us to stop. Finally Molly, our aging cook and housekeeper turned the water hose on us and we spit and sputtered and glared at one another from across the yard. That was the end of any relationship between Bella and I. Emmett swore that if I messed with his sister he'd never forgive me, and our friendship would be over.
A day or so later Bella sneaked into my room after both houses were dark and all the occupants but the two of us were fast asleep. I'd never forget how beautiful she looked that night. Her mahogany tresses shone with a fire that rivaled the one she created in me. She crawled up in bed with me and I taught her one last lesson. Wee made love that night, cementing her hold on me even more. I had started noticing Bella's newly acquired curves when she was fifteen and I was seventeen and by the time she found her way into my bed two years later, she was firmly rooted in my heart. We were each other's first everything and I loved her completely, but as we laid there together, I listened as my heart was ripped from my chest. Bella was lying next to me, both of us still shaking from our spent passion, crying as she told me that she couldn't bring herself to tear apart mine and Emmett's friendship. I begged her to reconsider, but she wouldn't and in the end I agreed. Even now, I would rip my arms and legs off and give them to Bella if she asked. Which is how Emmett and I ended up in the Marines.
Knowing that Bella would never be mine nearly destroyed me and I realized that if I wanted any chance at a future where I wasn't pining for her, then I needed to leave. So, I told Emmett my plan – The United States Marine Corps. The Monday following our fight I got up before dawn, swiped the keys to daddy's pickup and I drove into San Antonio. Funnily enough, when I got out to the truck that morning, Emmett was waiting for me. He went with me and enlisted right alongside me. Our Mama's cried, of course, but Bella was livid and that just pissed me off. All I wanted in life was to marry her, watch her grow round with my babies and grow old with her, but she refused me and my love all because Emmett was being an ass. We had one hellacious blow up in the ranch yard and in the end, I stormed off, calling my recruiter and telling him to up my enlistment date. I'd put it off by a few months hoping that Bella would see reason, but she hadn't and I've spent the years in between learning that the old saying is true, distance does make the the heart grow fonder.
Not that it mattered, at least not for her. She went off to college and married some fucker that had more money than sense. Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen is what the wedding invitation had said. Not that I got one, but Emmett did, of course. We were in theater – dumping sand out of our boots in some Middle Eastern country – when the invitation showed up in Emmett's mail. They didn't even wait for Emmett to get home. No, she got married without her brother in attendance, sending him pictures instead. Who knew if it was intentional, if it was because he had kept the two of us apart, and she didn't want him to butt into her life again? All I knew was that the invitation was nothing like the Bella I knew. It looked expensive as hell. The fucker was embossed and gilded – stuffy as fuck. The wedding had been held in Chicago where Mr. Dr. Man was from, but last I heard they were living in San Antonio in one of the ritzy neighborhoods. He was a trauma surgeon at the University Hospital.
Having heard Mama drone on and on about it, the details of Bella's wedding were burned into my brain. The wedding was held at the Armour House at Lake Forest Academy. According to Mama, it was the wedding to end all weddings, a full open bar, appetizers and a sit-down dinner. She said the bride looked exquisite in her white designer gown. White. I couldn't help but scoff. She wasn't deserving of that color, that's for sure. I knew I was an ass for thinking it, but while I may have been a virgin, I had loved her and loved her well that night. I remember lying there with her cuddled up beside me afterward feeling overwhelmed with pride because she was still quaking from not one but two orgasms. I silently thanked Emmett for insisting I watch all the pornos he had swiped from the bunkhouse.
Once I started noticing Bella, I thought of marrying her a lot, not in the way a girl fantasizes about her wedding, but it was still there in the back of my mind. Simple, elegant and understated and right here on the ranch. A fucking Texas barbeque done up right, the whole county in attendance. My girl walking towards me in a white gown, and that beautiful, sexy blush painted across her cheekbones and that small devious smile that never failed to make me hard as hell dancing across her lips. Alice had been a huge mistake. I knew that the night I married her. Hell, if I was honest with myself I knew it from the moment I proposed, but that night, I walked into the wedding and the place looked like the Queen of Sheba was getting married, not Alice Brandon and Jasper Whitlock – an aspiring fashion designer and a Marine. Her Richie Rich daddy had thrown a huge ass wedding – one that was no where near reflective of the groom. I was a Texas cowboy turned Marine, not the God damned Prince of Dubai. Instead of the simplistic and intimate wedding with a long legged, mahogany haired enchantress walking toward me, I got married in New Orleans at The Maison Dupuy to a bouncy, pint-sized girl with spiky, black hair.
"Hey boss! Where'd you want them calves?" Charlie hollered.
Sighing, I placed my hat back on and pulled my head out of my ass. I had work to do. I couldn't be sitting here all day reminiscing. I spurred my horse, Fire, into a lope, moving to the opposite side of the roundup. "Put 'em in that pen over yonder, Charlie. We'll get to them in the morning." Looking around at the men assembled to help me roundup some of my non-breeding stock, I was once again filled with rage.
Alice!
I've never in my life raised a hand in violence towards a woman, but I could do some serious harm to that woman. Every time I thought about what she'd done I seethed with rage. Right now, though, it wouldn't do me any good. I had to get this fucking roundup done and get the cattle to market, or I was not going to make payroll. With a spread the size of ours, there was no way in hell I could run this fucker without every hand I had in the saddle and pulling their weight. I was already running as bare bones as possible, and I still couldn't make the payroll. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I choked it down and manned up. It was time for drastic measures. I had one of two choices – sell off a piece of the ranch (My Daddy and Granddaddy would roll over in their graves at the mere thought of that.) or sell off the majority of the non-breeding livestock. Either way I would make payroll, and be able to settle the last of Alice's legacy, once and for all. So, I did the only thing I could stomach, I called in every favor I could and started rounding up stock for market.
Forcing myself away from those thoughts, I turned to Emmett's daddy, John – he was still our ramrod – and said, "Finish them up and have everyone meet up at the house. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry as hell."
John chuckled. "Right behind ya, son."
I grinned at his words. He'd always called me son. Of course, I spent as much time at his house as I had at my own growing up. Plus, I'm sure, like everyone else, he thought I'd fill that role officially one day, but life was fucking suck. What else could I say? "Thanks, John. See you back at the house."
Turning for home, I kicked Fire into a gallop and tore across the dry, dusty plain. This was the one thing, besides Bella, that I had missed while in the Corps. This horse and the freedom and exhilaration I received by clinging to the back of this immensely powerful animal. You could feel the power vibrating just under his skin. I loved feeling the wind in my hair and the animal under me. There was nothing that could compare to the feeling of racing across the flat open ground so fast it felt as if you were flying. Well, there was one thing, but I'd never experience that feeling again, so I turned my mind away from that dream. Why today, out of all the other days, was the day that I was mired in the past I didn't know, but fuck if I didn't need a break from it all.
Pushing Fire a bit harder, I sought and found my break from the past in this race across the ranch. The wind rushed over me washing away the memories I had been bogged down in all day, cleansing them from my mind and bringing a moment of peace to my soul. Signaling Fire to sped up yet again, I could feel his excitement in what I'm sure he saw as a run down. It had been years since Fire and I had performed these tasks, and while I would love to start competing again, there just wasn't anytime for anything but the ranch right now.
As the ranch house slowly came into sight, I noticed a strange vehicle sitting in the yard and a figure that was forever branded upon my brain, my soul and my heart standing with my Mama and hers beside it. I pulled back hard on the reins cuing Fire to a stop. He dropped his hindquarters and slid across the ground completing the stop like the champion reining horse he is. As he got back to his feet, I could feel his muscles twitching in restraint and anxiety waiting on me to ask for the roll back, but the question never came – I just sat there staring at the strange car. As much as I wanted to give Fire the cue and take off in the opposite direction, I couldn't, but there was also no way in hell I could let him take even half a step forward. The sight before me had me frozen in this spot.
Bella.
The sigh of her name across my consciousness excited my tired, ragged body. My muscle memory recalling the feel of her under me, over me and wrapped around me, even after all this time. While I hadn't seen her since I'd left her standing in the yard ten years ago, time hadn't changed the fact that she still held my heart firmly in her grasp, nor had it diminished her effect on my body. Sitting in the saddle as I was, the fit of my pants grew so painful that I had to stand in the stirrups to adjust myself. My movements drew the attention of the group before me, and I sighed as I watched her and our Mamas turn toward me. There would be no escaping now. I nudged Fire into a soft, slow, gentle gait toward the barn.
I dismounted once inside the dim, dusty enclosure and led Fire to his stall. I removed all his tack and rubbed him down, giving him an extra ration of sweet feed. His water was low, so I filled it as well, doing anything to put off what I was certain was going to be an awkward reunion. As I turned to leave the stall I saw a shadow descend from the entrance closest to the house and move down the central alley of the barn toward me.
Bella.
I drew a ragged breath and continued out of the stall, sliding the door shut behind me. I pulled off my hat and rubbed my hand over my head, once again simultaneously cursing and relishing my now longer hair. I had kept it shaved down close while in the Marines never once letting the dark curls come out to play, but since I had been discharged I hadn't once heard the buzz from the clippers. I liked it longer – Bella liked it longer – but in 100 degree temps during roundup it just made things all that much hotter.
There was no doubt in my mind who had entered the barn and was making their way toward me slowly. My soul was intrinsically linked to hers. Now that she was here and I had seen her, I knew she was the reason why I had been plagued with thoughts of the past all day. Granted, being back on the ranch for the past two years had brought out some memories of the past on a regular basis, but it wasn't anything like this. Not since those first few days had the memories been so vivid, or as painful as today's had been. Today had been hard – very hard, and now I knew why. My soul was preparing itself for this moment. The moment when my soul and my heart were reunited.
Slowly, I looked up at her. She was a vision of perfection and radiance. My heart clenched as I watched her approach, her stride sure and sexy with a gentle sway and roll of her hips. She was even more beautiful than she had been ten years ago. The years had been extremely gentle to her, only enhancing her beauty. There was a wisdom in her eyes now that overshadowed the innocence that the beautiful chocolate brown orbs used to be filled with. Her hair was a bit different as well, but the major change was the lushness of her figure. It was a young boy's wet dream at 17, now at 27 it was a grown man's almost certain demise. The curve of her neck, the swell of her breasts, the dip of her waist, and the flare of her hips were all beautiful and entrancing, but it was her long legs that nearly brought me to my knees. I could still feel them wrapped around my hips, pulling me closer and gripping me while she screamed out my name in release.
She stopped in front of me about fifteen feet away. Her cheeks blossomed with color as my eyes drank her in, but unlike ten years ago, when she would've ducked her chin and hid her pale, angelic face behind that luxurious curtain of dark hair, now she met my gaze head on and allowed her own eyes to trace themselves over my body. I watched as her eyes cataloged the changes that eight years with the Marines and two years of backbreaking ranch work had had on my body. I was no longer the tall, lanky boy I was when I left. Now I was a man with all the experience and bulk that that boy had been missing. She must have liked what she saw because when her eyes met mine again the lust and longing there were unmistakable, as were the barely parted lips and the soft pants that were escaping through them. My body began responding to her, I shifted my weight, pushing my hand into my pants pocket and pulled my hat off with the other using it to hide my obvious reaction to her.
Fuck! It's been ten years. Ten God damned years and she can still have me hard in seconds and from across the room.
Could also be the fact that Alice left six months ago and you've never gone this long without getting any action before.
Yeah, that doesn't make me feel all that much better.
"You let your hair grow out." Bella said.
I pulled my hand from my pocket and ran my hand through the dark, sweaty locks on my head. "Yeah." I chortled with a small smile. "Yours is bit different, too." It was still the most beautiful head of hair I'd ever touched or even laid eyes on. My stomach knotted up with desire thinking about feeling that hair clenched in my fists as I ravaged her mouth and body.
She smiled softly, fingering the longer strands that laid on her shoulders. "Yes, a bit."
We stood there for the longest time staring at each other, neither of us doing anything more than absorbing the other's appearance. Finally, she snickered. "Did you ever think it would be this awkward?"
I snorted, "Awkward, yes. This awkward, no." Looking at her, I wanted nothing more than to pull her to me, take back my heart and love her forever, but my mind finally registered her entire appearance. The fresh faced rancher's daughter that had been Bella McCarty wasn't who was standing in front of me. No, this was sophisticated, polished, wealthy, Isabella Cullen, doctor's wife. Unable to stop myself, I asked, "Do I get to meet the husband?"
Her beautiful face twisted into a grimace. "No, Edward is not with me." She looked down at her hands and knotted her fingers together. She sighed deeply and said, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for your dad's funeral. Did you at least get the flowers I had sent?"
Anger boiled up inside me. Flowers! Seriously? After all these years and this is what she chooses to talk about?
"Yeah, Bella I got the flowers. I never expected you to not be there, though." Emotion choked me up, making the words rough and harsh, not that I would have wanted them to be any other way. I was devastated when Daddy died, but what hurt even more so than losing him was that Bella didn't bother to show up. Emmett was in the middle of a war, unable to come home and so I had no one, except Alice to lean on and to say she wasn't helpful would be the nice way of putting it. I was an only child. Daddy had loved Bella like the daughter he never had. At one point he thought she would be his daughter because I had gone to him and asked him for grandmama's ring after that first kiss, but I had never gotten to give it to her. By the time I had worked up the nerve to ask, Emmett was doing his best to take my head off in the backyard.
"That's not fair, Jasper. I would have been here if I could've been." She said.
Not fair? If life were fair, I'd never have joined the Corps. I'd probably be a daddy by now and I would have spent the last ten years loving the woman in front of me with everything in me for everyone to see – not hiding it behind a piss poor excuse of a marriage to a woman that couldn't hold a candle to the one that actually held my heart.
"Fair? What the fuck is fair in this life, Bella? Huh? Tell me! There ain't a God damned thing in any of this that's fucking fair!" I screamed before turning and walking away. As I stormed out of the barn, her voice and her next words stopped me in my tracks before I could make my escape.
"Jasper, I need to talk to you. There's something I need to ask."
I'd never been able to deny her anything. Without turning to look at her, I dropped my chin to my chest and braced my hands on my hips. "What is it, Bella?"
"I left Edward. I need a place to stay." Her quiet words, completely unexpected, shattered me.
Half turning towards her, I narrowed my eyes and asked, "What do you mean you left Edward? Why?" I had to know. There were only two reasons I could think of that would make a woman like Bella leave her husband – he was hurting her or cheating on her – either way I would drive to San Antonio and kick his mother fucking ass up between his God damned shoulders for him.
"We are two different people, Jasper. Neither of us can pretend to be want the other wants or needs anymore. I want a husband and a family and he wants … well, I'm not sure I know what he wants. I'm not even sure Edward knows what he wants, but whatever it is, it's not what I want. I'm tired of being his doormat. He makes all the decisions and tells me they are what's best for me, for us. He never asks my opinion on anything. It's ridiculous and I'm tired of it." She was starting down at her hands, avoiding my gaze.
I walked back over to her and asked point blank, using the tip of my finger to tilt her chin up and forcing her to look at me. "He's not hurt you, has he?"
She sighed and then chuckled. "Not the way you're talking about, no. He's not screwing around either, well at least not as far as I know. Besides, I know how to throw a helluva punch. I had a great teacher and I would have zero issues in standing up for myself like you taught me." She reached out and grabbed my arm. "Jasper, it really is as simple as I said. I can't be myself with Edward and I am tired of being someone else. I just wanna be me."
Heaving a deep sigh of relief, I cup her face and she leaned into my touch, her eyes misty. "This is your home, whenever and for however long you want it to be. You should know that by now."
She swallowed and closed her eyes. Twin tears fell from under her lashes and rolled down her cheeks. She whispered, "Thank you, Jasper," before opening her tear filled eyes to look at me.
I leaned toward her, pressing my lips against her forehead. "Your welcome, sugar." I turned and walked out of the barn, heading for the house.
That day in the barn had been the rebirth of my friendship with Bella. She was struggling to get over her failed marriage, and I was struggling to hold onto my ranch. I worked myself to the bone, every day, especially after I had to let two more hands go and Miss Molly "retired" early. That old bird was like family, and she had been with us since before I was born, but her son had been begging her to come live with him, and when I sold off the livestock in September she told me that the next time he asked she was going to take him up on the offer, and she had.
So, while I was grasping at the ever dwindling threads of the rope I'd wrapped around the ranch desperately trying to hold it all together, all the while it was basically unraveling in my hands, Bella stepped in. She stood at my side and helped out. She took over the majority of the cooking duties for the ranch hands that lived in the bunkhouse, splitting them with our mothers and refused payment when I handed her the check. And while that was more than I could have asked or expected of her considering she was working a full-time job in town, whenever she was home and overheard me talking about something that needed done, I'd look up a few hours later and it was either done, or she was in the middle of doing it. It didn't matter what it was either. She mucked stalls, fixed a barbed wire fence, took care of the orphaned calves or the injured cows. It just didn't matter what needed done, if she could do it, she did it.
Every time I looked at the woman, I hurt – physically, mentally and emotionally. Having her by my side doing the things she was doing had been my dream for the longest time and it hurt because even though she was doing everything a wife would do – with the exception of the one thing I wanted most – I knew that she wasn't mine. This was all temporary. Eventually, Edward would wise up, drag his sorry ass down here and reclaim his wife. It was these thoughts that caused the tiny bit of friction that was there between us and occasionally it would spark, causing one of us to blow up and igniting a fight. And God, did we fight, but it was always charged with the simmering sexual tension that lay underneath it all – the awareness that we both felt for the other but were trying not to act on.
Bella had been on the ranch, working at my side, helping me save my legacy, fighting with me and tearing my insides up with lust for about six months when the tension got the best of me. It seemed that lately, whenever I walked into whatever space she just so happened to be in at that moment, she was bent over something. Her ass stuck up in the air at just the perfect height and angle. The first few times it wasn't so bad, I would normally just clench down on whatever control I could find inside me and smart off to her causing yet another fight. My control was getting to the breaking point though, because it was happening more and more and lately it was all I could do to not walk up behind her, grab her ass and fuck her on the spot.
So, when I rode Fire into the barnyard one afternoon about six months after she showed up, it didn't surprise me that the leash I had on the monster inside me slipped out of my grasp. I had just returned from checking on the cattle that were on the farthest reaches of the ranch. I was hot, tired and horny as hell and that's when I saw her or rather that beautiful ass of hers just outside the opposite end of the barn's central alley. She was bent over the front of my granddaddy's old, red pick up, her head stuck under the hood and her ass in the air. She had always loved that fucking truck. It hadn't run in years, but she was determined to fix it. My girl was a damn good mechanic, yet another lesson I taught her – she would more than likely have it running in no time. She had on a pair of jeans that had seen better days. They were ripped just under one cheek of her ass and were covered with grease. One grease spot in particular had me hard in a nanosecond – a perfect hand print was smeared across her ass and while I knew it was her own, I couldn't help but wish I had been the one that put it there.
Fuck!
My cock twitched as she shifted under the hood reaching for a tool. The hole in her pants shifted and for a split second I could swear that I saw her pussy. Not her fucking panties either. Her very bare pussy. Gulping pastthe lump in my throat, I nudged Fire into movement, having stopped dead at the sight of her delectable ass, yet again. As I rode up to her, I smarted off. "Whatcha doing, Belly?" The childhood nickname never failed to piss her off and I'd stoop to any level I had to if it meant she'd stand the fuck up.
She stood up alright, just as I rode up beside her. I looked down at her as she turned toward me and what I saw nearly made me come. She was wearing a tiny, white tank top and she had tied it in the back, stretching it tight across her tits, dipping low in the front. I had a perfect view of her cleavage from my seat on Fire's back. Closing my eyes I cued Fired into a slightly faster walk, ignoring whatever she said. I had to hang onto the shreds that were left of my rapidly deteriorating restraint.
I swung my leg across the horse's back and dropped to the ground and my stomach churned into a knot as I felt her heat from behind me. Swearing under my breath, I turned around and was nearly brought to my knees. Standing before me was a country boy's wet dream come true. She could have been the muse behind Jason Aldean's song "She's Country." The cowboy boots, the tight, low slung jeans, the grease smear on her flat stomach, the white tank that was damn near invisible thanks to the fine sheen of sweat from the late April West Texas heat and a trucker hat pulled down low, she looked like she had just stepped out of the fucker's video. She was fucking hot and from the looks of it, pissed off to beat hell.
Good. Grab her and fuck her. Angry sex is fucking awesome.
I tried to ignore the horny fucker that had taken up residence in my brain and pants, I really did, but as her tiny, pink tongue ghosted across her lips, leaving them glistening, she opened her mouth to speak, and I snapped. I grabbed her, yanking her to me. I crushed her mouth under mine, sweeping my tongue across her teeth to find her tongue. I stroked and massaged her tongue with mine, forgetting everything else – where we were, my horse, my money troubles, my friendship with Emmett, but most especially I forgot her husband.
I was past reason, and her whimper into my mouth only furthered my loss of control. Never surrendering her mouth, I reached down, grabbed that luscious ass that had been tormenting me for months and picked her up, pulling her into my raging cock. She wrapped her legs around me, and I threw her up against one of the stable doors, pressing her into it as I thrust my denim clad dick into her jean covered heat. Even through all the layers, I could feel her arousal. She had to have come already because my jeans were growing wet from the outside.
Her response brought out the animal in me, and I growled, pulling my mouth from hers and attacking her neck. The sounds she made drove me fucking insane. Her whimpers and groans were like tinder to the fire that was burning inside me, consuming me. Thrusting into her, I pressed her against door, pinning her there with my body so my hands could explore all that fucking delectable flesh in front of me. I slid my hands up under her shirt and my cock was fucking cheering at what I found there, or rather what I didn't.
No bra? My mind screamed. This time, I whimpered as I filled my big hands with her sumptuous flesh. I squeezed her tits, thumbing her nipples and thrust against her, rubbing my cock against her clit. The second time I rubbed against her, she bucked into me and cried out.
Jesus! Did she just get off? Fuck! I know I'm good, but damn. I'd never had a woman that wanted me like this.
Yanking her shirt off, I threw it on the floor and dove for her tits. One hand curled around her ass, pulling her into an even better juxtaposition with my body while my mouth and hand went for her breasts. I could still remember the response I got ten years ago when I suckled at them and fuck me, if I didn't want to do that to her again. Never once, since that night had a woman ever come from me suckling at her tits. I wouldn't have believed it possible, but Bella was so responsive. I nipped and kissed my way toward one rosy peak while plucking at the other, loving her response to my touch.
"God, Jasper!" She repeated the words over and over as I continued to rub our bodies together. The friction was driving us both crazy.
Her cries spurred me on. I latched onto her nipple and drew on it hard, sucking it into my mouth only to pull away letting it pop from my mouth. Switching sides, I bit down on the nipple my fingers had been toying with. I laved my tongue across her tip soothing the tiny hurt, before sucking the pebbled flesh into my mouth and then licking it.
She dropped her hands to my belt, and in seconds she had the buckle undone my button fly pulled apart, and her hand wrapped around my throbbing cock. I groaned around her nipple and thrust into her hand. Her thumb danced across my tip, smearing the pre-cum there over the head of my dick.
I let go of her nipple, groaning loudly and then I attacked her mouth. When she rubbed her thumb up my slit, I growled against her lips. "Fuck, Bella baby, you're killing me." I let go of her ass and her tits. I concentrated on loving her mouth with mine thoroughly, as I wrenched open her jeans. I reached inside and fuck me if I wasn't right, she was pantyless and the moist folds of her pussy were right there just waiting for me, and I slid a finger in, pressing the heel of my hand against her clit.
Pulling away from her lips, I rested my forehead against her and moaned, "Oh God! Bella, honey you're so fucking wet."
I pulled my finger from her pussy, and she whimpered. I traced her wetness, spreading it around. I rubbed it up over her clit, teasing her by running circles around and over her. She came undone at my teasing and gripped my waist and my cock tighter as she yelled my name.
Her juices flowed out over my hand, and I slipped two fingers inside her, caressing her, thrusting in and out of her pussy drawing her orgasm out. She was panting and the keening sound she was making was breathless and sexy.
Her pants, her moans, her fucking hand on my cock were all relentless and finally I could stand no more. I had to have her, now! I kept up the pace of my thrusting fingers while I wrapped one arm around her and carried her into the barn office, kicking the door shut behind me. I swept the piles of stuff on the desk off with a single sweep of my arm and dropped her down on it. She laid back immediately and started shimming out of those fucking jeans that drove me to this point. Fuck that shit. There was no way I could wait for her to get out of the jeans and the boots.
I grabbed her, pulling her to me, standing her back on her feet. I spun her around then pressed her back down on the desk face first. Her face was surprised, but excited.
Umm, Bella likes being fucked like this.
I yanked her pants down to her ankles and stepped between her legs. Bending over her back, I bit the tendon in her shoulder causing her to moan my name. I growled in her ear, "You've teased and taunted me for weeks, months. Now, it's my turn. Grab hold of that desk and don't fucking let go. Do you hear me? You let go, and I stop. Got it?"
She moaned long and low, the keening sound a cross between a whimper, a cry and a moan. Then she nodded, doing just as I said.
Good girl.
She wiggled her ass against my lap and I couldn't help but smack her beautiful bottom. "Behave." I growled.
She shrieked and moaned then held still, looking at me from over her shoulder. The half of her face I could see was covered with lust. She was ready to be fucked and fucked hard, and I was more than ready to give it to her.
I stripped my jeans off, pulling my wallet out first. I stroked my cock, rubbing the head of it against her hot, wet pussy. Heaven was laid out before me. Everything I had ever wanted spread out for me like the Last Supper. I wanted nothing more than dive in unhindered, but unfortunately I couldn't. Not yet, if ever. Reaching for the condom in my wallet, I rolled the rubber down over my cock.
She watched me with lust filled, heavy lidded eyes that were a shimmery onyx in her passion. They were sexy as fuck and more beautiful than any pair of eyes I had ever seen.
Leaning back over her, I slipped one hand between her legs and drew small circles around her clit until she was writhing beneath me. I licked up her spine from her waist to her earlobe. Her skin was so soft and fragrant. I blew on her wet skin, and she shivered with need. "Jasper, please, I need you." She moaned softly.
I couldn't deny her or myself any longer. I thrust my fingers back in her. She shifted her hips and moaned. "More, Jazz. Please."
I gathered her wetness on my fingers then stroked my cock, rubbing her essence over the condom. I pressed the head of my dick against her opening. "Mmm … Baby, you're so fucking ready for me. Your pussy is pulsing it wants me so bad. I can't wait to be buried all the way inside of you." I said as I started thrusting gently, and then retreating slightly. She was so warm and wet. She moaned continuously as I filled her over and over, slowly penetrating her, wishing I was making her mine.
"Ohh … Jazz … uhm."
"You like that, don't you? You like being bent over my desk, don't you?" I smacked her ass again when she didn't answer.
"OH! YES! God, Jasper, yes." She squealed in answer.
Her pussy was like a glove that fit me perfectly and sliding into her was like coming home at last. Like finally finding the place you belonged. As much as I wanted to take it slow and love her, she wasn't mine to love. I moaned as I stroked slowly one last time, and I was finally seated in her completely, her heat surrounding me, gripping me . I felt the vibrations from my moan bone deep, and Bella whimpered with need as she felt them in her moist darkness.
When she pressed herself back into me, I let the animal go, and I fucked her. My thrusts were long, deep, and hard, and she met every single one of them all the while begging for more and all I could do was grunt and groan over the top of her.
Her litany of cries drew me closer and closer to my release. My balls were slapping against her clit as I drove into her. I started thrusting harder and deeper, picking up the pace. I needed to come, but she was going to come before me. I reached between her and the desk and I massaged her clit, pressing against it hard. Just as my nuts tightened up, I pinched her little button and thrust one last time filling the condom as her walls clenched around me. Our screams filled the room.
Taking a moment to catch my breath, I pulled out of her pulling the condom off and dropping it into the trash. I yanked my pants up and flopped down in the desk chair, my head dropping into my hands.
OH. MY. GOD. I just fucked Bella.
Yes you did, you raunchy fucker. You even smacked that round white ass she's been shaking in your face for weeks on end. Twice, you smacked it twice.
The horny fucker in my subconscious was doing an evil little dance. He was giddy over what had just transpired. I was ashamed. I had loved this woman forever and I just used her like a common whore.
"Oh my God, Jasper. That was ah-amazing. Thank you." She moaned.
My head flew up out of my hands. My eyebrow shot to the middle of my forehead at her words, disbelief filling me. She was still lying face down on the desk in the position I'd left her in. Her gratitude threw me.
Thank you?
Mmmm. Little Belly is kinky girl.
My face lifted into a huge grin and I burst out laughing. Here I was thinking that I was seconds away from being parted with my junk cause I'd taken her like … well, like that and she was still laying there on the desk as contented as a kitten with a belly full of cream.
She turned toward me, as she raised herself up on her elbows. "What has you cackling like a hyena?" She asked as she swung her legs around and sat up on the desk in front of me, not bothering with her pants. "Did you think I was going to be pissed?"
Tossing my stetson onto the desk beside her, I scrubbed my hands over my face and speared my fingers through my hair, ruffling the hat ring I was sure was there. Looking back up at her sheepishly, I replied, "Well … yeah, sorta."
She just grinned. That evil little grin that had scared the fuck out of me since the first time I ever saw it on her beautiful face.
Oh fuck, I'm in trouble.
Yes. Yes you are.
That little demon inside me that was languishing away in post-coital bliss was a happy fucker, not that I could really blame him. Sex with Alice was lackluster at best and positively a fucking nightmare at its worst. She didn't like being mussed. Mussed, I scoffed to myself. Bella definitely didn't mind being mussed. Nope. Her hair, her nails, her makeup nor her clothes ever entered her mind. She was a hellcat and my cock was already twitching in excitement cause she was sitting there in front of me taking off the rest her clothes.
Wait? What?
Looks like she's ready for seconds. Good!
Swallowing – hard, I asked, "Bella, uh … what are you doing?"
She dropped her boot to the floor, spread her legs and placed her pretty little feet on the arms of the old swivel chair, leaning back on her elbows. "Well, I'm hoping that you have another one of those handy little foil packets on you, because I'd really like to ride that cock of yours."
I gulped, nervously. She would be the death of me, I was sure, but fuck me if I wouldn't die a happy man. "Just so happens I think there may be another one tucked away in there."
"Hmm, well, aren't you the perfect picture of a boy scout," She hummed.
I chuckled. "Nope. United States Marine Corps, ma'am, at your service." She laughed, tilting her head back showing off her long gorgeous neck. I wanted to lick it, but first there was something else I needed to do. As I leaned forward to get my wallet I licked her pussy from bottom to top, sucking her clit between my teeth nibbling the base and brushing it with the tip of my tongue.
"Fu-uuuck, Jasper. Damn. Do that again." She pleaded.
And I did. Over the next few weeks, Bella and I had wild, hot, passionate, and yes, sometimes even kinky, angry sex all over the ranch, including my childhood bedroom. Unfortunately for us, that turned out to be not such a bright idea. It was laundry day and Mama had this bad habit of not knocking. Talk about embarrassing and an instant hard-on killer. Mama was mortified and so were Bella and I. Having your mother walk in while your dick is tickling your fuck buddy's uvula wasn't really a mood enhancer.
The blow up that ensued was nearly apocalyptic. I had to explain myself and my intentions to a man that I had loved and respected as a second father my entire life. To say he wasn't pleased that I was fucking around with his married daughter was putting it mildly, but he relented when I told him, that if it were up to me, I would have put a ring on her finger ten years ago. The whole fiasco ended with me moving into Granddaddy's old house for some privacy, and a call from the relationship blocker himself. Emmett was pissed, but Bella yanked the phone from my hand, slammed the door behind her as she stormed out of the house and thirty minutes later when she walked back in she brushed the tears from her face and handed me the phone. Whatever she said worked wonders on her bear of a brother. He just warned me that while I had been his commanding officer and was his best friend, that didn't mean jack shit. He would kick my ass if I hurt her.
"Bella?" I called out as I walked into the house. It had been about two months since that afternoon Mama caught us. Bella was still technically living with her parents, but she was here more often than not. She kept clothes here and everything. It was a Friday in mid June and I was hotter than hell after working fences all day. I was just coming home after having dinner with our parents and the ranch hands, but no Bella up at the main house. When I opened the door I walked in to find my beautiful girl coming out of the bathroom dolled up and looking sexy as fuck. She came walking out in a tight ass pair of jeans – that hugged her curves to perfection – which had slashes across the thighs, her barrel racing buckle – that she won in the high school rodeo – and a sexy as hell, clingy, leaving little to the imagination, black tee shirt – that showed off the tiniest sliver of her flat tummy. Looking at her made my want to beat my chest, tattoo MINE across her forehead and then fuck her senseless. "Damn, girl. You shine up all purty like." I drawled, a smile on my face as I watched her cross the room towards me. "What's the occasion?"
"Well, I heard there's going to be a live band we know at that little honky tonk in Fort Stockton and I was hoping you'd like to take me dancing." She said as she stopped in front of me. She trailed her hand down the middle of my chest, and when she reached my cock she teased the hardening flesh until it was nearly painful. "So, what do you say, cowboy? Wanna cuddle up with me on the dance floor?"
A little over hour later we were standing next to the bar, with a beer in our hands and were looking into each others eyes intently. I was not real happy that our first date was at a bar, but my girl isn't hard to please.
"You clean up kinda good yourself, cowboy." She whispered leaning into my side as we watched the dancers.
"Thank ya, darlin'. You ready to hit the floor? I think I remember something about cuddling up together on the dance floor." I pulled her out on the dance floor spinning her into my arms.
We spent the next hour pressed up against one another flowing to the melodic sounds coming from the DJ booth. The band was scheduled to take the stage soon and it was old friends of Emmett and mine. I was excited to hear them play. In high school, Emmett and I had played with the guy that was the lead singer now and bassist, but all I had wanted was Bella and they wanted to go on the road.
"I hear there's a mean-ass SOB in the audience named Jasper Whitlock! Anyone know him? He's a scrawny ass fucker!" A familiar voice yelled across the stage mic during a lull in the DJ's set. Looking up on stage stood Jake and James along with the rest of their band.
Looking at Bella, I grinned and yelled back. "I got your scrawny ass, fuckstick." I pulled Bella behind me as I walked toward the stage. I picked Bella up and set her on the stage and hopped up by myself. I gnashed my teeth as I watched Jake and Bella embrace. Jake winked at me over her shoulder before releasing her. I couldn't help to growl under my breath.
Fucker.
Once he let her go, I pulled her back to my side and she smiled sweetly up at me. She had no clue how badly I wanted to punch that son of a bitch for even touching her. He did though because in high school I kicked his ass for him. As I was leaving the locker room, I heard him talking about her with some of the other guys and they were being pretty fucking crude. I used my ever present shit-kickers to stomp his ass good. Emmett stood back and watched, laughing like a fucking hyena. He pulled me off though, when he realized that I didn't have any plans to stop any time soon. My goal had been to shut the fucker's mouth and I knew the only sure fire way had been to kill the asshole. A week later we were in Daddy's barn, drinking beer, playing guitar and everything was cool. The entire male population in town learned real fucking fast that Bella McCarty was off fucking limits.
Looks like he needs another lesson.
Who's going to teach you that lesson? She's not yours either.
Jake rescued me from that train wreck when he asked, "So, Jazzman, want to help us do a couple covers?"
I looked down at Bella, and she was smiling from ear to ear. I looked back to Jake and grinned. "Fuck yes. I'd love to, man. I pick the songs though. I ain't singing any of that whiny shit you like to do."
"I'm going to get a drink and watch from the bar." Bella said. She gazed up at me and I cupped her cheek and kissed her. As she made to walk away I popped her on the ass and she squealed. When she glared at me I just smirked and then winked at her. She did her best not to grin, but she failed miserably.
I watched as she made her way to the bar. Turning back to Jake, the fucker had a shit eating grin spread across his face. "What?" I asked sarcastically.
"How many kids you two got now?" He asked, the grin still firmly in place.
My face fell and my jaw clenched. "None."
He looked at me like I'd grown another head. "Damn, dude. Thought you two be eat up with a house full of kids by now. Y'all been married for at least eight years or so right?"
I looked back at Bella, giving her a small smile. She returned it with one double its size. I swallowed – hard – before I answered him. "No. We aren't married."
From the looks of him a third head just joined the first two. "What are you talking about, Jazz? I saw her wedding band."
"She's not mine." I said simply, quietly.
He and the rest of the guys all whistled sharply. They all knew me. I wasn't a cheater. No matter what the subject was, I wasn't one to break the rules. "Damn, dude. Who does she belong to?"
"Some fucking idiot doctor from Chicago that she met in college that doesn't deserve her and won't give her what she wants." I replied stiffly. My eyes never leaving Bella's gorgeous face.
"Well, man let's get setup and help you woo that girl back home where she belongs." That was the end of the conversation.
After that ass whooping I laid on him in high school Jake and I had been great friends. The thing I liked about him was that he was a straight shooter. If he thought it, he said it, to hell with the consequences. I slapped him on the back and helped finish setting up. "I'll do two, maybe three songs. That's it. I want to spend the night with my girl."
Jake smirked and raised his eyebrow. Fucker. "She may be his wife, but she's MY girl. Always has been, always will be." I responded to his silent question.
I picked my songs and was relieved that the guys knew them. I want to make sure that the ones I played are ones that spoke to my girl. I was dying to tell her what was in my heart. I loved her. These last two months with her in my life loving me the way I had always loved her had been fantastic and sweet, but I was scared it would all fall apart. The first song was Jason Aldean's "Don't Give Up On Me", it' wasmy plea to her to stick with me while we figured out what we were and I came to terms with the change in careers, losing my dad and nearly my legacy. Then there was Alice and the mess she left. If Bella and I could make it through all my baggage and hers without giving up on each other, I was sure there would be a life for us written there in the pages of God's great plan.
The second song was blatantly obvious. Aldean's "You're The Love I Wanna Be In" said everything I wanted to say to her, but hadn't been able to vocalize yet. She was my life, my love, my forever, my happiness and I wanted her by my side from now on. As we launched into the opening bars, her face traveled a rocky shore of emotions as she recognized the song until finally it settled on what I hoped was love, but it scared me that I might be misreading her. I held her gaze as I sang her the song that spoke from my heart and soul to hers.
Just as the last notes faded, I watched as some asswipe thought that it would okay to touch my girl. He wasn't just touching her though, he had grabbed her and was yelling at her hotly. I looked to Jake and tossed him the guitar I'd been playing. If that fucker thought he could manhandle my Bella, he was in for a freaking rude ass awaking in the form of a size 12 boot being shoved up his ass.
I jumped off the stage and plowed through the crowd, knocking tables, chairs and people out of the way. Behind me I heard crashes and breaking glass and people yelling, but I was zoned in on one thing and one thing only.
BELLA!
I never slowed down. I was in attack mode. The Marine and his warrior skills came up to the surface and was taking over. I was the youngest Major in the Marines for a reason. I was a fucking scary ass sight to behold when I embraced the warlord inside of me, and I was two nanoseconds from releasing it on this asshole.
As I got closer I could hear him yelling at her, but I never registered the words. All I heard, all I saw was Bella, her face filled with anger and fear, and her beautiful mouth yelling the word, "NO!" I could see her shoving at him trying to pull her arm out of his grasp. The fucker was going to leave fingerprints on her skin, if he hadn't already.
I circled around them finding the perfect opening to inflict the maximum damage to the son of a bitch without hurting Bella. Spotting it, I went in for the kill.
Walking up behind him, I wrapped my left hand around his arm, my fingers digging into his flesh and pressing down on the nerves controlling his hand, forcing the fingers to release Bella's tender flesh from his grasp.
As soon as she was free I used my grip on his arm to spin him around. The look of shock that crossed his face twisted his too pretty face into an ugly visage of disbelief and fear. He opened his mouth to speak and that alone was enough to piss me off and push me over the edge. Drawing back my right hand, I let it fly. My fist connected with the bridge of his fucking perfect aquiline nose. Under the force of my punch, I felt the crunch of bones as his nose broke, blood spurted out in a gush from his nostrils covering the two of us in a flood of crimson.
Good. I broke the fucker's nose. Teach him to manhandle a woman.
He was still standing though and that just wouldn't do. My mind didn't even comprehend that I'd already won, that Bella was free and I could just let him go. No, I wanted him on his back on the fucking dirty ass floor, looking up at me with fear in his eyes and a lesson learned the only thing left in his brain. I threw the left just seconds after the right broke his nose. This time though, I was aiming for the button on his chin and I didn't pull my punch. My fist was going for the sweet spot and I didn't stop until I hit it, knocking him up off his feet, sending him airborne.
He crashed through a table and landed in the broken mess of glass, wood, and liquor. I stalked toward him, determined to stomp his guts when Bella came flying into my vision covering his body with her own.
What the fuck?
"JASPER! NO! STOP!" She screamed at me, halting my advance on the fucker cowering behind her. "Stop, please. It's Edward. It's just Edward."
Looking at her protecting him, her husband, the red that was coloring my vision deepened and all I could think of, all I remembered was that she told me he had never hurt her. "I thought you said, he never hurt you?"
She sighed, "Jasper, calm down please. He's never hit me, I swear. He's never hurt me. Just please calm down."
Clenching and releasing my fists, I rolled my shoulders trying to rein in the pissed off redneck. I didn't condone hurting women and whether it was Bella or someone I didn't even know, it fucking pissed me off. My chest was heaving as I dragged air into my lungs as quickly as possible trying to slow down the freight train of sheer rage that was racing through me. Finally, I was able to take a deep breath and release it slowly.
I watched Bella help her husband up from the floor. She took the towel the bartender offered and handed it to him. Edward. The name was sneered nastily across my thoughts. The fucking bastard that couldn't make her happy and yet there she was taking care of him after he'd left marks on her delicate skin.
I swallowed the hurt and the anger that welled up inside me as I watched them together. That was MY GIRL my heart screamed, but my brain knew better. As long as that ring was on her finger she would always be his first. Feeling the emotions running all over me, my body shaking with the pent up feelings, I turned from her – from them – and walked through the crowd.
I turned to leave just as the sheriff and two deputies, "Jasper, boy, I heard you were back in town. You just can't stay outta trouble, can you boy?"
Looking up I saw Billy Black, Jake's daddy walking through the crowd. Shaking my head I said, "Well yeah, you know how we Whitlock's are. If there's trouble to be found it comes knocking on our door first."
"Yep, that sounds 'bout right. Your daddy and granddaddy weren't above knocking someone's block off either. Problem you have though, who's going to bail you outta jail?"
I heard Bella gasp behind me, and she walked right up to the sheriff and said, "You are NOT taking Jasper to jail, Billy Black."
"The fuck he's not. That crazy ass cowboy just broke my God damned nose, Isabella."
"Well, if you hadn't grabbed my arm and tried yanking me outta the fucking bar, your nose wouldn't have gotten broke now would it."
This was just too much. I hated airing our dirty laundry for the world to see. "Billy, if you have to book me, do it, but let's just get it over with." I turned to the bartender and said, "I'll pay for the damages as well. Just send me the bill."
She called out to me, "Jasper, wait!" I turned back to her, knowing everything I felt was probably shining in my eyes for the world to see, but as always, I was not able to deny her.
Sighing I asked, "What is it, Bella?"
"Don't go." She said.
I looked at her, gazed at her intently, trying to throw all the love and devotion I felt for her out at her. I wanted to force her to choose. Him or me. I knew it was wrong. She had already chosen when she married him, but after the last few months I had hoped she'd change her mind, realizing the only way she could make that choice was if she had both deals spread on the table before her with nothing held back.
Gritting my teeth to hold in the tears that I could feel burning my throat, I said, "You can't have your cake and eat it too. It didn't work for Marie Antoinette, darlin', and it won't work for you either. You have to decide once and for all. If you want the life he can give you and him, then get in his car and go home and fix your marriage. If you want me and what we've found together in the last few months then get your pretty little ass out to the truck; come back home with me, and I'll spend every day of forever loving you with everything in me. I can't grant you your every wish, and I can't give you everything your heart desires, but I can love you with every fiber of my being, with everything I am, and I can swear that you will never be put last or even second. You are my first thought upon waking and the last one as I drift off to sleep."
Tears welled in her eyes, and I wanted to brush them from her face, but I couldn't protect her from this, and I couldn't make this decision for her. She had to do it all on her own.
I walked up to her, though and I kissed her with all the love, need and passion I had ever felt for her. As I let her go, I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, and I said the three words that had been burning a hole in my soul for nearly eleven years. "I love you, Bella McCarty. You have held my heart and soul in your hands for as long as I can remember."
I handed her my truck keys and followed Billy out to the cruiser and got in. The fact that he didn't cuff me was nice. My hands were throbbing. I hit that son of a bitch hard. Once at the jailhouse, I was printed, booked, mugshots taken, and locked in a cell. I had just closed my eyes when Billy walked back into the cell block and opened the cell door. "She bailed your ass out and left that city slicker husband laying on the floor of the bar. Looks like you just might win that girl after all."
I walked out of the cell, picked up my stuff from the clerk and walked out the front door. Outside, I looked up, and there she was. She was wringing her hands and pacing back and forth in front of the truck. Neither of us said anything, I just opened her door and helped her in the truck and drove us home.
She followed me to my house and into my bed. I couldn't bring myself to make love to her. I didn't want to do it again until she told me she loved me. I couldn't continue putting myself through that, but when she stripped herself naked and started to do the same to me I couldn't bring myself to deny her or me. If this was the last night I was going to have with her then I was going to make it one to remember. I drifted off to sleep cuddled up against her back, my nose nestled in her hair, scared completely to death that she was going to leave me, but underneath it all, I felt hope.
Early the next morning I walked into the ranch yard from the cattle barn. As I crossed I saw an expensive, foreign made car pull into the spot beside my truck. I had spent the morning checking a dozen or so cows for pregnancy and knew I looked like shit. Hell, I was covered in the stuff, but I pulled up short as he got out of the car. I just shook my head and walked into the house, grabbing myself a cup of coffee.
I walked back out on the porch and he was standing on the top step, looking out over the ranch. He had shoved his hands into the front pockets of his perfectly pressed pants and he was getting on my nerves, because in the fifteen seconds since I walked back out
"What are you doing here?" He asked sarcastically.
Scowling at him, I replied, "I live here. This is my ranch."
"What are you talking about? I was told the McCarty's live here."
"Yes, they do. They've lived here since Bells was thirteen."
"You've known Isabella since she was thirteen?"
"Nope, I said she's lived here since she was thirteen. I've known Bella since the day she was born."
"You've known her her whole life?"
"Yep. Grew up with her. Emmett's my best friend."
Realization dawned on Mr. Dr. Man's face, and I couldn't help but grin and stick my chin out. "So, you're the one."
"If you mean I'm the one that that taught her about cars, horses, guns, and boys, then yeah, I'm the one."
Neither of us said anything for a long time. We just stood there staring out at the buildings and pastures behind the house. The fact that Bella left him laying on the barroom floor last night to come bail me out of jail – and then screw me within an inch of my life when we had finally gotten home – had given me a sense of hope that I'd not had in ten years.
Edward sighed and out of the corner of my eye I saw him run his hands through his hair. "Is she here?" He asked.
Like I'm going to help him take my girl away.
She's his wife.
Yep, but she doesn't want to be.
True, but she still took vows. Vows you've been helping her break.
Either way, I'm not going to help the fucker.
"Yep," I said simply, taking a drink of my coffee.
I nearly lost it when he growled under his breath. "Could you tell me where?"
I smirked and turned away from him to walk back in the house. I pulled open the screen door, hiding my humor at his desolation and looked over my shoulder at him. "Sure. Try the barn."
The door slammed closed, and I heard him mutter, "Which one is the barn?"
This time I just couldn't help it. Laughter burst forth from me, eventually causing my abs to hurt because I was laughing so hard. Once I was able, I looked up at him and said, "You'll figure it out, city boy. Eventually." I turned and walked on into the house to rid myself of the coffee cup and to finish up some paperwork in the office.
When I came out of the house fifteen minutes later after donning fresh clothes, he was sitting on the porch. "Wouldn't she talk to you?" I asked trying to hide the hope in my voice.
"I'll just wait here for her." He replied stiffly.
I raised my eyebrow at him in disbelief then I looked him over. He looked like he stepped out of one of Alice's fashion magazines. What Bella had ever seen in him I'll never know. The way he was dressed, though, it was probably best if he waited on the porch. "Suit yourself. You'll have to wait by yourself, though. I've got work to do today. Cattle don't tend themselves." I sauntered down the steps and headed off toward the corral where Fire was waiting for me. I'd already been out for a ride this morning, trying to clear my head of Edward, Bella and all the shit that came with them. I knew that if the good doctor didn't drop the charges I was most likely facing jail time, but it was worth it.
As I mounted up on Fire, I saw Bella come out of the barn. Once I was seated, I sat and watched her walk across the yard toward the house – toward him. She looked amazing this morning. She was dressed simply; jeans, boots, a fitted short sleeve shirt and her long mahogany hair in a ponytail pulled through the back of a ball cap.
Watching her, I noticed for what had to be the millionth time, that she had a natural grace to her movements when she wasn't paying any attention to herself or worrying that someone was watching her. It was only when she felt like people were staring at her that she lost that grace and turned into a klutz. She'd been that way since she started walking. She turned toward me, probably feeling my gaze.
I smiled and tipped my hat to her. I pulled on Fire's reins and he rolled back taking off at a gallop. Fear welled up in me. Leaning low over his neck, I forced Fire into a full run. I had to get away from the house. I didn't think she was going to take him back, but I couldn't help the myriad of emotions that filled me at the thought of losing her again. I wouldn't be back to the house until late. I would be moving cattle today, the rest of the hands were already out on the range.
That night I returned to the ranch house after dinner, and Edward was seated at my kitchen table with Bella. Bella looked up at me, and I grimaced at the scene before me. She stood up and walked toward the microwave. "Do you want me to heat up your food now or after your shower?"
I couldn't take my eyes off her for long, but I did afford a glance toward Edward. I swallowed and looked back to Bella standing in the house we had been sharing, in my kitchen doing things for me a wife would do while her husband sat at my table. "I'll do it after my shower. You have company."
Her face fell, and I turned away, nodding to Edward as I left the room. As soon as I turned toward my bedroom and bath I heard a chair scrape the floor. Knowing I shouldn't, but unable to keep from it, I stopped in the hallway and leaned back against the wall – waiting.
"Bella, I want you to come home." Edward stated.
My girl sighed heavily. "No, Edward. I'm not going home with you. I am home. This ranch is my home. It always has been and always will be. I tried being what you want, and I can't be anything but me. Besides that we want different things."
Her words frustrated him from the sound of the expelled breath I heard coming from him. "God, okay. If you want a baby so badly then we can start trying now."
My lips twitched. Fucker was going to regret those words. Bella didn't take kindly to people telling her what she could and couldn't do. I didn't see this ending well for Dr. Pretty Boy.
Keep your gloating wrapped up tight or she could leave your ass behind too. Neither one of you deserve her.
God, wasn't that the fucking truth. I was angry at her for the longest time because she let Emmett come between us and all she was trying to do was make everyone else happy. She hadn't turned me down. She had denied herself happiness, so that we could all remain friends and family. Taking a deep breath, I sighed. She had to make her own decisions. I'd told her what I wanted. She knew how I felt. It wasn't up to me or Edward. The fate of both our lives was grasped in her tiny hands and no matter what decision she made, one of us was going to end up hurt.
Closing my eyes and silently praying, I listened for her to decide which life she wanted. Edward and the lap of luxury that he could give her that I never could afford or Me and a bank broke ranch and a lifetime of love, lust, and laughter.
God, I can't lose her again. Not now. I need that woman to breathe. If she weren't in my life I would be lost.
The kitchen had been quiet for a long time and I started to fear the worst, when suddenly, there was a crash and screeching. "IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT A BABY, EDWARD!"
Her breaths were coming out so hard, I could hear them from my place in the hallway.
"Then what is it about, Bella? Please. Just tell me." Exasperation dripped from his words.
Her sigh was shaky; I could hear the tears behind it. "It's about you, Edward. And me. It's about us. We never should have gotten married. I know you say you love me, and I love you, too, but it's not that forever kind of love that I have with Jasper. Without him, I'm just a shell of who I really am – just a cardboard cutout – flat. I've loved him since I was a little girl and because I was stupid I threw away ten years of our lives ,and it didn't just ruin those ten years for him and me, but for you and his ex-wife. As happy as you've made me over the last eight years, I still don't feel for you what I should – what I feel for him. I hate saying this because I know it hurts you, but I love him, Edward. With everything in me,I love him. He owns me, heart and soul. I need him to be me, to be complete, and he needs me the same way. Together, we complete a puzzle, and I tried forcing you into his spot. It just never fit – never felt right. I need Jasper. I need him to fill that place in my puzzle – my life."
Things got quiet again. Then she sighed, "He's – he's happy to be just Jasper and Bella and – and you aren't. You want to be Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen, savior of the needy and the helpless and the hopeless and you want me to be his wife, Isabella. You don't need me to be happy, Edward. All you need is your patients and your next good deed. I love how giving you are Edward, but sometimes you have to be selfish and I'm going to be this time. I'm sorry."
Sweet Jesus. I love that woman. She was apologizing for wanting to be happy.
"Well, I guess that's it then." He sighed.
Minutes later, I heard the backdoor close and Bella heave a huge sigh. Knowing she was finally going to be mine was like I had been filled with helium. I felt like I was floating on air – that I was weightless. Zero gravity had nothing on me in that moment. I wanted to run into the kitchen and claim my girl, but knowing Bella – and I know Bella – she would go the fuck off for my eavesdropping. So instead, I finished my walk to the shower, my feet barely touching the floor. I was finally going to have the life I had always wanted. She was finally going to be mine.

~*~

Six months later, I walked into our home, the little house that Granddaddy had built after Daddy married Mama, and Granny had died. It was tiny. Just two bedrooms, a living area that included room for a table and chairs, the living room and the tiny kitchen. Mama always called it 'Granddaddy's pouting shack' because he never stayed in it for long. He bounced from the big house to this house and back every couple of weeks. The moves were normally triggered by him and Daddy butting heads and then Mama begging him to come home. Whatever made him build this little house didn't matter to me. It was the perfect home for Bella and me. We didn't want space. We'd had enough of that. Eleven fucking years of it to be exact. Now, we just wanted to be together.
Christmas was tomorrow and I was finally – after eleven years – going to slide Granny's ring on my girl's finger. I couldn't wait to make her mine. I was a possessive fuck, but when you've spent eleven fucking years longing for the love of your life, thinking she'll never be yours, if and when she's within your grasp it's a little hard to not be possessive and want to stake your claim. If it was left up to me I'd have the minister over for Christmas dinner tomorrow and marry her right then, but we were still waiting on the divorce papers to arrive from Edward. He was still holding out hope that she'd come back to him. Why I'll never know. Bella gave him back everything he'd ever given her, including his name. She was once again Bella McCarty, but not for fucking long; not if I had anything to say about it.
"Hey there, sexy!"
Just her voice had me responding, but I turned toward her and watched as she sauntered toward me from the bedroom door. She was dressed in Christmas red. The color blazed against her pale skin. The sexy little number she had on didn't leave a damn thing to the imagination, but I wasn't complaining. Anytime I could get her naked or even just a a little naked I was a fuckhappy man.
Looking at her now, I counted every day I'd had with her as a blessing and while we weren't going about it the way I would have liked I couldn't help but be overjoyed. She was so radiant. Our child was rounding out her slim figure and causing her to glow nearly incandescently. She was only five months gone, but with a uncle the size of Emmett and me for a daddy, the kid didn't have a chance at being little, and on her petite frame she looked damn near ready to pop.
She sidled up against me, her belly brushing my erection causing me to growl. She just chuckled, and said, "Merry Christmas, Jasper."
"Damn, sugar. I like my present." The top of … well – whatever the fuck you called the thing – had a pretty little bow sitting under her full breasts holding the front together in just that one spot while everything below that was left uncovered by the flyaway front. It was sexy as hell watching her walk toward me, her baby bump bared and her luscious tits overflowing the top. I couldn't wait to see the damn thing crumpled up on the floor beside the bed.
I wrapped my arms around her pulling her as close as I could and I devoured her mouth scooping her up and carting off to our room. It hadn't been easy getting to this point but having her here, in my arms was worth every thing I'd had to go through to get to this point. Finally, I was home.
Thanks to all the authors that WC'd with me over the week that I wrote this and also to DrTammy and Naelany for fixing my junk. You all rock.
There are a couple of terms that may be confusing for some of y'all city slickers.
Ramrod = Second in command. The ranch owner's right hand.
Reining
Reining is an event akin to ice skating. Each horse/rider pair has a pattern to complete. There are four maneuvers that they demonstrate in these patterns: Circles, Turn arounds, Lead changes and Sliding stops. Some maneuvers are demonstrated multiple times, and in both directions. The average pattern will have 8 total maneuvers that get scored. Each maneuver is scored a value depending on how well the maneuver is done. A correct maneuver is a 0, a maneuver done well, or poor will give a plus or minus score ranging from 1/2 to 1 1/2 depending on the degree with which it was done poorly or well. The mean score that every horse walks into the pen with is 70. So with all maneuvers correct, but no "well-done" or "poorly-done" maneuvers the result would be 70.
A rider just starting out in reining has a goal of getting a 70... After that, 82 is the limit, but for reference, a top score at a really big show would be 75 or so. At a smaller reining event, a top score could be 73. For non-pro classes, a horse that scores 72 to 72.5 consistently will usually be in the top placings.
Run down, Roll back, & Stop
These are special terms used by riders in the reining discipline.
Run down is The maneuver preceding the stop where the horse builds speed in preparation for the call to stop. The proper execution of a run down is key to ensuring a good stop.
Roll back After completing a stop, the rider will pause and then ask the horse to rotate back on their haunches and lope off in the direction they just came from. A good stop and pause is key to the horse being able to roll back over their haunches well. The completion of the roll back completes the stopping maneuver called in a reining pattern.
Stop is a maneuver called in a reining pattern. This maneuver is performed at a gallop. The horse builds speed as they travel the length of the arena and after passing the required marker the rider will ask the horse to stop which will result in the horse sliding on their back legs, traveling with the front legs resulting in a sliding motion. The faster and harder the stop, the greater degree of difficult is shown. Per the NRHA rule book a stop is judged on three elements: the Run down, the stop itself, and the rollback.
*The info on Reining and the definitions were taken from www . ReiningStuff . com. The NRHA and Reining Stuff does a much more eloquent job of explaning and defining than I would. I know what they are and what they mean, putting it into words in much harder.
What was Jasper doing to the cows?
Vet services aren't cheap and farmers and ranchers have pretty fail safe method of checking for pregnant cows. It's disgusting, but cheap – real cheap. Free as a matter of fact. It's called rectal palpation.

The Lion's Prey

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:20:00 +0000

Disclaimer: Queer as Folk is not mine unfortunately.
AN: I know, I know. Y'all are about to kill me. It's been over two months since I've posted anything. I suck and I apologize. Real life, a few rounds of the flu and now a respiratory infection and writer's block have just killed my muse.
This oneshot was meant to be a drabble. Just a few hundred words to get me going, but as I started writing, the words started flowing and well 1700+ words later and here we are. I hope you enjoy it.

The Lion's Prey

A Queer as Folk OneShot

Season 1 Episode 20

Set after Justin wins the King of Babylon contest.

His crown perched on his head proudly, he glides across the floor toward me, the sea of queers parting for him as they cheer his victory dancing to the thumpa thumpa.
"Did you see me?" He asks as he stops in front of me. The thrill of victory making him even more gorgeous than usual.
"Yeah, I saw you." I replied, nonchalantly. I refuse to allow him or anyone else to see how proud of him I am. How much his dancing turned you on and made you want to rip him off the stage and carry him out of there like a neanderthal.
"Well?" He asks, sticking out his chin, his eyebrows climbing up his forehead as he pushes for my approval.
Well, he's not getting it. I think. I can't give him that. It will only cement him to me even more. Instead, I respond with, "I think that contest was rigged."

Justin's face falls, the smile and excitement gone, erased by my disdain.
The trick I chose to prove to him that he didn't matter leans into me and asks, "You know him?" The interest is evident in his voice and the steady stare he gives Justin. I'm no longer his first choice.
My eyes barely spare the trick a glance as I reply, "Yeah." To further push him away I add, "I taught him everything he knows."
I see the hurt flash across his blue depths, but I've taught him well and he flings a taunt right back at me. "Except how to dance."
Touche, Sunshine.
Justin's eyes flash towards the trick at my side and he cruises him hard before asking, "What's your name?" Then with a gesture of his hand he says without even looking at me, "I'd ask him, only I'm sure he doesn't know."
"Sean," the trick answers, staring him down. The invitation is clear.
Justin cruises him again and steps up to him and says, "You're hot. I was watching you."
I stare on in disbelief, unable to grasp what's happening. I'm losing not only a trick to a twink, but I'm losing my twink to a trick. I can almost hear the theme from Twilight Zone.
The trick asks, "You were?" The excitement in him at Justin's attention is nearly tactile.
Justin leans in just a bit farther, his gorgeous baby blues locking onto Sean's eyes like a missile, and then he delivers one of my lines. "It made me want to fuck all night."
Justin's gaze flickers to me and I can only stand there and watch as he turns back to Sean and asks, "Wanna get outta here?"
"You lead."
Justin grabs Sean by the waistband of his pants and pulls him as he backs away towards the backroom. As Sean wraps his arm around Justin's waist, Justin drapes his across the trick's shoulders and turns away from me.
Unable to help myself, I call out to him. "I thought we had plans?"
They stop and turn back to me halfway. Justin scoffs, "You couldn't do better. I told you I might have plans, too."
"What's his problem?" Trick boy asks, clearly ready to get down to business with Babylon's new king.
He stares straight at me and says, "He's just my stalker."
Pain. Searing, agonizing pain flares into an inferno in my veins burning throughout me, incinerating me from the inside out. Schooling my face against the agony of his words, I say nothing.
Trick boy tightens his hold on Justin's waist, gives me a once over and says, "I suppose we could have a three way? Only … he's kinda old."
Justin huffs a small laugh, turns back to Sean and says, "We're also kinda leaving." Without a backwards glance he drapes his around the trick's shoulders, taking off with his prize.
As they walk away, pushing through the bodies on the dance floor, I fight to hide the pain that threatens to overtake my face, alerting the crowd to my sorrows.
What the fuck just happened? I ask myself.
I'm at an utter loss as to what just happened and it's not just that he stole my trick – Sean wasn't that hot to begin with, he was just a means to an end, a way to prove a point - it's that he, Justin, walked away from me. Left me standing there, leaning back against the bar without even looking back at me once. He's not ever not looked back or trailed after me as I walked away. He's always chased me, tried to please me, but not this time.
When the hell did he grow balls that fucking big?
I try to act as if I don't give a fuck, but fuck me, it actually fucking hurts me – a fucking lot, as a matter of fact. The hardest thing for me to handle is that I don't know why. All I know is that the pain I feel is tearing me to shreds inside. I've never felt anything like this before. The old man beat the fuck out of me on an almost daily basis growing up and the pain that's beating away inside my chest is, in some ways, much more painful than any beating Jack Kinney ever gave me.
After several moments of standing there against the bar staring after them, trying to act as if the world didn't just tilt off it's axis, I finally pull myself up and glance around the room. I start to move and I realize I'm striding towards the stairs, being pulled there by some unknown force – the same one that pulled me to him that very first night – only now it's so much stronger, so much more powerful. All the while, as I'm walking across the dance floor my mind is literally kicking and screaming inside my skull trying desperately to get me to turn around, to walk away from him – not toward him – to weave my way through the crowd and into the backroom, to fuck as many hot guys as I can to prove to him and every other fag in Pittsburgh that Justin Taylor and his actions tonight or any other night mean absolutely nothing to me, but instead I continue on in search of him. The magnetic pull that's always drawn us together as taken hold of me and is doing what it's always done – making sure that we're together.
I've always pushed him away before whenever this 'thing' between us has taken hold of me, but now that he seems to have gotten the message – 'I believe in fucking, not love' – I can't seem to stay away from him. I have to know what's happening. I have to know if he's got Sean's dick in his ass.
No! He can't possibly. My mind screams in denial. He's mine. Mine and mine alone. Yet another truth I can't deny or lock away. It just won't be contained.
I know he's been with others. Hell, the boy is seventeen, of course he's screwing everything in sight, just like he should be. Only … only I never cared before. Now, though I can't turn my mind off. I'm not sure if it's because the cub caught the lion's prey or if it's because as he was dancing on that stage for all of Gay PA to see, trying to prove to me that I cared, that I wanted him above all others, that he wasn't just a backup plan, that my walls cracked just enough for him to slip past all my defenses. Or is it that I've always felt this way about him and just not recognized it for what it is. Flashes from the past come at me like a speeding train. Times when Emmett would touch him, no matter how innocently and I would remove Justin from his clutches in a matter of seconds.
Fucking Christ. I'm turning into a lesbian.
Nearing the top of the stairs, I see Ted and what's his name standing close by talking intently. I slip by unnoticed while scenarios of Justin and the trick fucking are flashing through my head like the strobe lights that flash throughout the cavernous pit below the dance floor. The lights gleam off the hot, smooth, sweat-slicked bodies of the guys that are there. The sounds of their fucking and sucking bombard me. Usually these sounds arouse me to a fever pitch, this time nothing could be farther from the truth.
I descend the stairs slowly, involuntarily. I can't help myself and as I step off the bottom step, I scan the darkness looking for a fair skinned, blue eyed, blond, twink but I can't find him. I turn to walk passed the stairs, to search more deeply into the darkness when the strobes glint off skin so beautiful in it's near translucent paleness that my breath is taken from me. As I stand there, watching him, an emotion that I can barely recognize flashes through me.
Envy? Me?
As much as I would like to deny it, I can't. He's fucking my trick. He's topping the guy and doing it so fucking well that I'm filled with envy for this barely hot guy that I had planned to fuck just to prove that Justin had zero hold on me and now that hold has expanded until it's filled me completely. Just as I'd like to have him filling me, as I'd like to know what it's like to be pressed between his exquisite body and the cool, hardness of the block wall.
The sounds surrounding us as I watch them fade away and all I can hear is Justin. The sounds that his body makes as he thrusts into the guy, the sounds coming from his mouth as the ass he's pounding away at caress his beautiful cock.
As my mind screams MINE, I turn and go back up the stairs before I embarrass myself by yanking him off the twink and dragging him back to my loft. He won, fair and square – the contest and the trick.
Thanks to Miztrezboo for a quick read through. I appreciate it bb.

A re-vamping of HoR!

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

So, for a while now, I've been contemplating my writing and this blog and with the recent rash of shit that's taken place on FanFiction, I've decided that I'm going to post all my stories here as well as there that way I won't lose them.

In addition to my Twilight stories I'll be posting my Queer as Folk stories here as well. That's right I'm now dividing my time between two fandoms and that's not an easy thing to do when you're raising a family. LOL! Thank God for my blackberry.

The name of the blog may also change. House of Rathbone was the perfect title when my heart was owned by the one, the only Jackson Rathbone, but with the discovery of Gale Harold aka Brian Kinney, I must make room in my heart, blog and life for the sexiness of Brian Fucking Kinney and his Sunshine boy. Hope y'all don't mind. LOL! (I'm sure you won't as there's no such thing as enough. Especially when talking about hot slashy goodness.)

First Chance at Love - Chapter 2

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:59:00 +0000

Disclaimer: SMeyers is the Queen Bee. I just toy with her subjects.
AN: So, this O/S is from the First Chance at Love/Second Chance at Forever universe and while I said that I wasn't going to continue First Chance at Love, but this just popped in my head and it had to get out. Hope you enjoy.

The Perfect Way to Say I'm Sorry

by Whitlock's Girl

I walked toward the barn, carrying my saddle, contemplating my partner, my earlier anger and how best to say I'm sorry for being an ass and not speaking to him the entire fucking day. Edward's comments this morning in the bedroom had me livid, though. I'd replayed the argument over and over and while I probably shouldn't have gotten so angry, he too was in the wrong.
I sighed heavily as the morning's conversation and subsequent argument looped back to the beginning yet again, pushing to the forefront of my mind.
"Where's that man of yours, son?" Daddy asked, his cheeks tinging just a bit pink at the words as they left his mouth.

I chuckled softly and clapped him on the back. "He'll be down in a bit. Edward's a night owl, so ranch hours are a bit hard on him."
Just then the screen door slammed shut and we turned from the corral railing to look over our shoulders. Edward, being the fashionable gay man he was, was walking toward us in what was clearly $200 jeans and a designer tee shirt and flip flops. "Jasper, what's that boy think he's going to be doing today?"
I laughed heartily and walked over to Edward, taking his hand and leading him back into the house. I called over my shoulder as we walked through the back door, "Daddy, we'll be right back."
"Jasper, where are we going?" Edward asked as we headed up the stairs.
"Edward, baby, if you want to help Daddy and me you're going to have to dress the part." I replied pulling him into my room.
He looked at me quizzically and said with a grin, "You expect me to dress like a rootin', tootin' cowboy?"
I burst out laughing and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him against me. "Edward, we don't dress like this to be in fashion with the other cowboys or to be rugged and manly. We dress like this because it's necessary. Clothes need to be rugged and durable and cheap. Working a ranch is rough and dirty. Clothing gets ruined, easily. So, it needs to be replaced and since ranchers aren't usually wealthy people, they would never consider spending even a quarter of what you paid for those jeans on what they'd wear to work in. Not to mention you need actual shoes to wear. Animals aren't considerate, and it will hurt like a mother fucker if your feet get stomped on while wearing flip flops."
Giving him a quick kiss, I grabbed him some clothes and a pair of Daddy's old boots. Mine were just too big and I didn't want them to rub blisters on his feet. Dropping a quick kiss on his neck, I turned to leave only to be stopped as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me back against him. "Why don't you stay and help me?" He whispered against my neck before nipping at my earlobe.
Turning in his embrace, I kissed him softly and moaned as he brushed his thumb across my nipple ring. "Uhmm, Edward...baby, I'd love to, but Mama and Daddy would have our hides."
He pulled back, ducking his head trying to hide his anger, "Why, because we're two gay men and not a 'normal' couple?"
I clenched my jaw and said harshly, "I didn't say that, Edward. They would get mad if it was one of my sisters and their husbands. Yes, it probably is still a bit squeamish for them to think about the two of us and our sex life, but they have accepted you and haven't said one derogatory thing in regards to the two of us. As a matter of fact, Daddy just made reference to you being "my man". So, if a straitlaced, never met a gay person in his life, Texas rancher can accept his gay son and the gay son's lover, than maybe you should take a page from his book and quit acting like such an ass." I turned and stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
Edward had turned up shortly after I stormed from the house. I was standing in the shadows of the barn when I saw him approach Daddy, shyly. They spoke quietly, so I was unable to hear what they were saying, but I assumed that Daddy was explaining to Edward what we were doing today.
Edward was totally ignorant of ranch life and the hard work it entailed, but he had done really well. He never once complained. He worked beside Daddy, James, Jacob and I without a single complaint and roundup is hard, dirty work. Work the likes of which Edward Masen had never done before in his life.
I'd watched him the entire day, just waiting for the whining to start and it never had. He did what he was asked to do and done it well once Daddy had explained what he was wanting Edward to do. I was a bit worried about him being in the ring with the animals but he'd accomplished his task and done it well. So well in fact that that Daddy had praised him for a job well done, clapping him on the back in a hetero manly half hug kinda way. That hadn't surprised me in the least. What had nearly knocked me over was both of my brothers-in-law had done the same. I was proud of my family for putting their leeriness of mine and Edward's sexual orientation and relationship behind them and welcoming him and us into the fold with open arms and hearts, but I was even more proud of Edward for how hard he'd worked today and how well he had done.
Fuck! I've gotta figure out how to fix this with him. I don't relish sleeping next to a frigid, pissed off man all night. Even if we can't fuck, I'd still like to curl up behind him, nestling my cock against that beautiful ass of his.
Just as this thought ran through my head, I stepped into the barn and I was greeted by the sight of Edward's delectable half naked body. My borrowed Wranglers riding low on his hips, giving me a tiny glimpse of the crack of his ass and the dimples on his lower back. The ones that I'd massaged with my thumbs as I pounded his luscious ass over and over.
Suddenly, my brain registers a fact that had been noticed moments before, but took awhile for my brain to process. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! He's gone fucking commando! My brain screamed. Edward on a normal day was fucking sexy as hell, driving me to distraction with a mere glance, but when he did something like this it awoke an animal in me that couldn't be contained.
That animal in me raged as I stood looking at him. My cock was hard as a fucking rock, pressing against my fly painfully and the precum that bubbled out the slit was soaking my underwear. I stood there quietly watching him. The muscles of his back rippling as he put up his saddle and brushed down his horse. Being the only son of one of Chicago's oldest families, Edward was well versed in equine care and watching him run through the mundane movements so fluidly was sending shockwaves toward my cock.
My breathing shortened, coming in soft pants as I watched him in utter fascination. A rivulet of water slowly trailed down his beautiful body, running over each and every plane. My tongue snaked out and wet my lips, longing to trace the path left behind. Without thinking, I dropped what I knew to be a very expensive saddle, the cost and heritage that I held in my hands completely forsaken in my drive and desire to claim what was mine.
I prowled toward him - a hunter zeroed in on his prey - reaching him in just a few long strides. I grabbed him from behind, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He was mine and I was proud of him and I was damn sure going to show him.
His cry of alarm swallowed hungrily by my ravenous mouth as I turned his head over his shoulder toward mine. I plundered his mouth sweeping my tongue over his dark depths. His cries turned to moans and whimpers as his need and desire slowly started to catch up to mine.
Only when the need for air and the desire to conquer new territory overcame me, only then did I release his mouth. I latched onto his neck, sucking and licking voraciously at the tender, ultra sensitive spot behind his ear. The spot that I once sucked, licked and bit until he came undone in my arms, his orgasm erupting from him violently without either of us ever touching his cock.
As I was devouring his neck, he filled my ears with the most exquisite noises, driving me to burn hotter and hotter. I, however, filled my hands with his beautiful dick, plunging my hands down the front of his borrowed pants.
His cock was hard and wet. Precum was bubbling forth in copious amounts, giving me plenty of lube to stroke him, bringing him closer and closer to that precipice he was so anxiously striving towards. Only I refused to allow him to take that last step, backing off and releasing his cock at the last second.
"Jazz," he whimpered as I let him go, pulling my hands from his pants and drawing soft circles on his lower belly, playing with the small trail of hair that disappeared under his waistband. He grabbed my hand and tried to force it back onto his cock, but I growled at him and he dropped my hand, returning his to my ass with the other, pulling my erection into his lower back.
I bit down the muscles that rippled in his shoulders, in a show of dominance causing him to shake with desire and need. He cried out, sharply as my teeth pressed into him. I had to have him. NOW! Sucking on his neck, laving the injured flesh with my tongue, and brushing my fingertips lightly over his straining erection, I walked him forward toward the tack room. I could envision bending him over a saddle horse and pounding his smooth, tight, white ass until we were both screaming.
I kicked the door closed with my foot as we walked into the tack room. I whispered in his ear, my voice deep, dark and husky was nearly unrecognizable even to myself. "I'm going to fuck you so hard and so fast that your screams will set off the coyotes."
"Jazz, what if someone..." he began.
"Fuck them." I said, my voice gravely with lust.
His answering groan went straight to my already hard cock, spurring me to move even faster. I grabbed at his belt and tugged at it. My raging hormones made my hands clumsy. Growling in frustration I tugged at it even harder until finally it cooperated loosening in my hands enough so I could yank his pants to his knees.
"Oh God, Jazz! Hurry! I need you inside me." Edward moaned.
Growling at him, I bit down on his shoulder and sucked at his tender flesh. I pulled out the necessary supplies and dropped them in front of Edward on the saddle.
Chuckling, he said, "Have I ever told you how much I love that you were a God damned Boy Scout?"
"My version of Am Ex. I never leave home without them." I replied as I dropped my pants. I grabbed the lube and prepared him with one hand while sheathing my cock with the other.
Normally, I'd tease and taunt him, massaging his prostrate over and over, sometimes bringing him off with just my fingers before I'd thrust into him while his orgasm was still coursing through his system, but not this time. This time my need and now his were too great. I needed to feel him surrounding my tumescence and he needed to feel me plowing into him as hard and fast as I could.
As soon as I was sheathed, I pressed against his swollen gland with my fingers one last time, forcing yet another soulful moan from his depths, and then I pulled my fingers from his ass, scissoring them to open him a bit more. Gripping his hips in my hands, I lined the head of my dick up with his entrance and asked, "You ready for me, babe?" This was going to be rough. I knew it and he knew it too. I just had to be sure. I'd never forgive myself for hurting him.
"Mm."
"Tell me, Edward. Are you ready for me to shove my cock up your ass?"
"GOD! Jazz, yes! Just fuck me, for Christ's sake! Please!" He cried. His plea was drawn out into a deep moan as I pressed into him hard and fast riding the spasms of his hole as it pulsed in anticipation.
"Sweet Jesus, Edward. God you feel so good." I said when I was balls deep in him, his channel pulsating around me, gripping my dick. Barely giving him time to adjust, I squeezed his hips tightly, most likely bruising his skin, before I pulled out and slammed back into him over and over and over. His prostrate cushioning my every thrust. His pants and moans driving me insane with want. I loved fucking Edward. Unlike so many bottoms, he didn't just lay there, he worked me over just as well as I did him, tightening his channel on me as I withdrew and matching each and every one of my thrusts.
Pushing him face down on the saddle for a better angle, gripping him tightly for extra leverage so I could pound into him with even more force, I snapped my hips even harder and faster than before, determined to be as deep in him as I possibly could get.
Edward groaned his appreciation at the new position, "Oh God! YES!"
As we threw our bodies against each other, slamming together with such force the sound of our sweat-slicked flesh slapping against each other reverberated throughout the barn. It had been days since we'd fucked, refusing to do so in my parents home with them right down the hall and being with Edward now, being inside him, feeling his ass gripping my cock, my balls banging against his, I knew I wouldn't last long. Luckily for me, I could hear the tell tale sounds Edward made when he was ready to cum.
I let go of his hips with my left hand and reached for his cock. His leaking cock had dripped precum all over the saddle in front of him and as we thrust together his dick was sliding through his fluids, pressed between his stomach and the leather of the saddle jacking him off in time with my thrusts. Wrapping my hand around the base of his thickness, I squeezed, slowing his pending orgasm to buy us a few more thrusts before his orgasm triggered the one I was hanging onto with sheer will.
Once his whimpers and keening turned back to moans, I let go of my own control and started jerking him off with authority, determined we'd both finish together. My thrusts were short, barely leaving him at all, just bouncing off his prostrate over and over, assaulting him in continuous pleasure. Between thrusts, I said, "I'm. So. Sorry. Edward. I. Was. An. Ass."
He was trying to reply but couldn't because his orgasm was ripping through him, robbing him of any coherency and all that came out of a wail of ecstasy. As he tightened down on my cock, his hole spasming around me, I screamed his name and came – hard. Harder than I had ever come in my life.
Eons later – probably just a few minutes really, but it felt like fucking forever – I pulled out of him, holding onto the condom. Disposing of the condom, I grabbed a blanket off the rack and threw it down on the concrete floor of the tack room next to the wall. I walked back over to him. He was still trembling – with pleasure I hoped – his elbows on the saddle holding himself upright. I ran soothing strokes up and down his back before pulling him into my arms. I walked us over to the blanket on the floor and settled us down there, me with my back to the wall and him cradled between my thighs. I stroked his quivering flesh lightly, soothingly.
We sat there for ages until he finally, turned to look at me, a gentle smile gracing his face. "You're right. You were an ass, but then so was I."
Guess, apologizing while giving him a good hard fuck was the perfect way to say I'm sorry. I squeezed him to me tightly, bending down to whisper, "But you're my ass and I love you."

First Chance at Love-Chapter 1

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:55:00 +0000

"For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest

Title: First Chance at Love

Pen name: Whitlock's Girl

Existing work: Second Chance at Forever

Primary Players: Jasper Whitlock & Edward Masen

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the Twilight Queen. I'm just a lowly peasant playing in her realm.

To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:
www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/

_______________________________________

Fuck! I hate my life!
As usual, I wake up for class and my asswipe of a roommate has a broad in bed with him. UGH! The pussy in his bed this morning is a step down from what he normally brings back to fuck. Normally, they are at least pretty. This one, however, she's a bit chunky and has dishwater blonde hair and a nose that looks like she stole it off the school mascot. What the fuck, dude? If you're going to fuck around at least have some standards and fuck a hot girl. I'd prefer it if he would go back to the chick's room and not bring them back here at all, but I don't see that happening anytime soon, if ever.
Garrett is a great looking guy. Completely straight, unfortunately and a pussy hound to boot, which makes it doubly unfortunate for me. Too bad I didn't get shacked up with a hot gay guy. I'd be fucking all the time. Garret is an alright guy, but he's just here to fuck off. He doesn't care that tuition a semester is pushing twenty grand. Last semester, his grades were shit and he lost a scholarship. Now his parents are footing the entire bill and not just a piece of it. His dad went off on him from what I overheard of the phone conversation, but according to Garrett his mom made daddy back off and write a check. Fucking mama's boy!

Just about that time, the girl rolls over and the sheet, which had been in a precarious position to begin with, slips completely off revealing to me everything from the navel up. That's all I want, to wake up in the morning and look at some chick's tits. I shiver with revulsion, my morning wood now flaccid.
God, give me a hard, lithe body minus the tits, the pussy and the hormones and I'll be a fuckhappy man.
Getting up before I puke, I walk out of the room and head straight to the showers. As I walk down the halls my caffeine deprived brain is assaulted with the sights and sounds around me.
Fuck! I need coffee.
Walking into the shower I am hit with three realizations. 1. The great thing about a freshman dorm and sharing a shower with everyone on the floor - seeing the plethora of cocks dancing around in front of me. 2. The worst thing about a freshman dorm and sharing a shower with every guy on the floor - trying NOT to get a raging hard-on while perusing all the hot, naked, wet bodies and penises in the room. 3. I've not had a fuck in over a month.
Fuck! I need to get laid!
Two hours later, I walk into the tattoo shop I work at for my afternoon shift. No, I'm not one of the artists. Man, that would be fucking awesome! No, I am the lowly peon. The lowly reception boy who does all the shit jobs while all I really want is to be an artist. I want a shop of my own, too - to one day be the boss. Not happening anytime soon, though. Tattoo shops are not fucking cheap and last I checked I had $40 in my checking. My parents aren't any better off so, no help there and there are no rich uncles in sight.
Fuck! I hate my life!
So, instead, I dream about a shop of my own and the chance to man a chair, but in the meantime, I spend my afternoon setting up the artists' stations, making appointments and cleaning the fucking shop.
A few hours into my shift, I walk to the backroom just as the bell over the front door rings. Calling out, "Be right with you," I finish putting a load of needles in the autoclave before walking back out to the front of the shop.
I step out of the backroom and start walking toward the reception desk. When I raise my head, looking towards the front counter, I'm stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes latch onto the most beautiful sight my eyes – fuck, anyone's eyes – have ever beheld. Unable to move, to function, all I can do is stand there and stare.
OH. MY. FUCKING. JESUS.
SWEET. HOLY. MARY. MOTHER OF GOD!
I stand there for God only fucking knows how long, just taking in his hotness, allowing it to register in my consciousness and other places. As my dick twitches and swells, I can't help but remember the recent lack of ass in my life and as I stare at him, he is transplanted into every fucking fantasy I've ever had.
Beautiful green eyes are filled with so much life that they nearly sparkle with an inner fire.
Unruly, bronze hair, so soft and silky that it could be the finest silk.
Sharp jawbones, so sharp I think I'd pull back a bloody stump if I licked them. And fuck me do I wanna lick them. Lick them. Suck them. Bite them.
That hard, lithe body I craved this morning. Slim, yet muscular form. Michelangelo's David, personified.
Long fingers and big hands. GOD! Those would feel fabulous wrapped around my cock.
His lips are moist and glistening. They look soft and supple. Fuck! Those would feel even better around my cock.
All that rolled into a single, perfect, beautiful package. The only thing missing is the fucking bow. Oh God! I'd use my teeth to open that package. His body and my tongue need to meet!
My tongue races across my lips. It does no good. My mouth is dry, so dry that it could pass as a desert. Seriously, I think there's fucking sand in there it's so fucking dry.
I can barely draw a breath. My chest feels like a steel band has wrapped around it. Like I'm being squeezed in half.
My heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. It's like a fucking spastic frog has taken the place of my heart.
My cock is instantly hard. So, hard that it's painful. In fact, I could probably fuck my way though a brick wall with it.
Pre-cum leaks from the tip of my cock. So much that my boxer briefs become damp.
"JAZZ! THERE'S CUSTOMERS!" Mack, the shop's best tattooist yells at me forcing me to pull my head out of my ass.
Ass? FUCK!
Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass. Don't think of his ass.
I attempt to listen to my inner monologue as the mantra is repeated loudly causing it to echo and bounce around my skull. I take a deep breath and walk up to the counter and I try my damnedest to be nonchalant - calm, cool, collected, controlled, but fuck me seven ways from Sunday if he doesn't get hotter the closer I get and the longer I look at him. All the willpower in the world can't help me accomplish that when I notice his hot pink tongue slip from behind his teeth to moisten those full lips that I'm still trying not to picture wrapped around my cock.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I reach my hand out introducing myself. My voice sounds like something that would come from a twelve year old with no hair on his balls yet. "I'm Jasper. What can I do to … uh … for you?"
FUCK! ME!
Yes, please fuck me!
Smothered snickers come from the guy standing to his right and a blush creeps up the divine being's face from his jawbone to his just as perfect and beautiful cheekbones. My eagle eye scrutiny of him has flustered him it seems.
Welcome to my world, fucker! My brain says in greeting. I've never met a man so beautiful, so perfect in form that I am struck dumb, but this one. FUCK! This one has done so and done so without a single word or touch.
His hand slides into mine, our eyes never breaking contact. The heat from his hand spreads throughout my body warming me and not only sexually, but emotionally, spiritually even. It's like my heart is melting at his touch. What the fuck? Pulling my hand back, I break the connection between our eyes momentarily, just long enough to look down at my hand for a second before my eyes race back to his. I'm surprised that my hand isn't scorched from the blaze that flared between us at that simple touch.
He jumps a bit, disrupting my inner musings. As he scowls at the friend, I realize his friend has nudged him. HARD.
"Oh! Umm … I-I'm … uh … Edward." He stutters. His tongue just as tied by this kindred spark as mine is.
The friend still trying to stifle his laughter finally speaks. "Hey, man. I'm Tyler."
I shake his hand and try to look at him and away from Edward, but my eyes refuse to listen, to obey. Instead my gaze is drawn back to Edward over and over. Finally, I just abandon the fruitless effort altogether and focus on Edward. I've not even said it yet, but just the sound of his name running through my mind causes my rock hard dick to twitch painfully. I grind my teeth to suppress a groan as my cock presses against my jeans.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to steady myself I get back to professional mode. "So, how can we help y'all today?"
Edward looks at me, knowingly and smirks.
Fucker! There's no way he knows.
Dude, you nearly came from the sound of his name playing ping pong against the inside of your fucking head!
Fuck! I hate my life.
Finally, the two of us are able to communicate enough for me to understand what they are here for.
A frat boy. Who'd've thought?
Yes, but a fuckhot frat boy that nearly had you cumming in your pants with just a look.
Shaking my head, I get back to work. At least I try to get back to work. I manage quite well until Edward strips off his shirt and sits down in Mack's chair.
FUCK ME!
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
There in all it's glory is the rippled expanse of Edward's chest and abdomen.
Beautiful.
FUCKING AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
Perfection.
ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.
He's lean and lanky with broad shoulders and well defined pecs. The muscles in his shoulders and arms are perfectly proportioned for his frame, enhancing his physical appearance without making it bulky. His chest narrows from the broad open-V of his shoulders down to the narrow point that disappears under the waist band of his low slung pants. The small trail of course hair that begins below his navel and travels down his trim muscled waist makes my mouth water. I could spend hours upon hours tracing that trail and every dip and roll of every sinew of every muscle on his body.
He has the body of a runner or a swimmer. Whatever he does to stay in shape, I want to watch him do it. Fuck! I'd watch him do anything, everything as long as he does it shirtless. I can't take my eyes from him and he knows it. The way Mack has positioned his chair, Edward is facing me, and whenever I can pull my eyes from his naked torso to gaze into his divine face, his green eyes twinkle and his lips twitch with mirth.
Occasionally, something pulls me from the trance his body places me in, but mostly I just stare at him. I let my gaze travel over his body so many times that I can close my eyes and the image is shining brightly behind my eyelids, burned there for eternity.
As Mack wipes the excess color from his chest, I look at what has been inked into his skin. An almost intaglio-like design is in the place of his once bare chest. Now there is pentagonal shield with a white five point star inside it emblazoned across his left pectoral muscle. The points of the star touch the inside points of the pentagon. The pentagon and its star are imposed on top of a set of crossed swords and the entire tattoo fills the left side of his chest. The shield has been inked like a tribal, but instead of the customary black, Mack has used a royal blue giving the design a uniqueness. The detailing that Mack has done with shading and the absence of coloring gives it life and dimension. There is an aged look to the tattoo making it look like something that is worn and has stood the test of time. Something that was earned. It's beautiful just like the man it resides on.
Once Mack allows Edward time to look at his new ink and then photographs it for his portfolio, he covers the tattoo with ointment and gauze and reminds Edward of the aftercare instructions. Edward nods, trying to not look over at me, but failing miserably. During all this our eyes are locked together more so than not.
Our attraction is white hot and blazing. I've never been this attracted to a guy before. It's fucked up. Normally, I pick up some boy and fuck him before tossing him out on his ass, but with Edward I don't want that. Well, I do, but I also want more. I want to know him. I want him to know me. I want to date him and finally come out to my parents so they can meet him. I want the world to know he's mine. I want to belong to him as well.
DUDE! WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU LOSE YOUR GOD DAMNED BALLS?
What?
If you're going to act like a fucking girl you should just lop the fucker off.
Even just the thought causes me to cringe, but it does nothing to curb the insane need I have to know him, possess him.
Just then his buddy, Tyler, walks up and says, "Man, the artists here are fucking awesome."
I concur. "Yes, they are." I never look at him.
Edward pulls his shirt over his head and I whimper softly as I watch my favorite sight in all the world disappear from my eyes. It should be illegal for that man to wear a shirt.
"Hey, Jasper. Thanks for hooking me up with Mack. He's fabulous."
I blush a bit as he speaks to me and notice him do the same. "You're welcome, Edward. Your tattoo is amazing."
"Thanks."
I help them settle their bills.
"So, what fraternity y'all in?" I ask. They can't leave yet. Well, Tyler can. I could give a fuck about him, but I have to keep them here at least until I get the nerve up to ask him out or at least get his number.
"We're Pi Kapps." Tyler says. He turns to Edward and gives him a pointed stare, clearly ready to leave. "Edward, man, I've got class in about 45 minutes. I need to go."
Edward grimaces and I watch him dig in his pocket for his keys. "Here go start the car, I'll be there in a bit."
Tyler just smiles and waves as he leaves. He calls to Edward and me from the door. "You got 10 minutes, and then I leave your ass. Nice meeting you Jasper. Guess I'll probably be seeing you around."
Edward's face brightens, and I smirk. Guess we were rather obvious.
"So …," I begin, but stop immediately as I notice him scribbling in my sketchbook.
"See you around, Jasper." He says when he closes the book and turns for the door.
My mouth drops open as he walks out. What the fuck? Where in the hell is he going?
Fuck! I hate my life!
I'm seething. At least until I open the sketchbook.
Jasper,
Sorry I have to go. Would love to get to know you better. Give me a call. 387-3655.
Be Safe,
Edward
My anger fades away and I can't stop my face from splitting in two with the grin that overtakes it. HELL YES!
When all my other jobs are finished, the owner allows me to work on my homework or my drawings, so I sit down and turn the page on the sketchpad. I've not been this inspired in a long while. I spend the downtime during the rest of my shift sketching my muse. Edward. By the end of the shift I have drawn his chest, his face, the tattoo, his lips and eyes and his hands. The man is just so amazingly beautiful.
Can't wait to have him pose nude!
I can picture it perfectly and the images are so beautiful they strike a cord in my heart. I must get him naked.
Now you remember you've got a dick.
Hearing feet scuffle around me, I look up and Mack is standing there, looking over my shoulder. "You've got talent, kid."
I nearly fall out of my chair. Mack Newton just complimented me. Did the fucking Red Sea just part, because that fucking shit just doesn't happen.
"Thanks, Mack." I reply.
"So, you gonna call 'em?" He asks.
I swivel in the chair to look up at him. "I might." I say. "Why?"
"Just making sure you're not as dumb as you look." He comments before striding way.
Trying to ignore the rude ass bastard that resides in me, I pack up my shit. It will do me no good in the long run to be an ass to one of the best tattooists in the country. Not to mention, the sooner I get home, the sooner I'll be able call Edward.
That evening I get back to the dorm, and I climb into the bed with my sketchpad. I want nothing more than to call him, but I don't want to seem desperate. At the same time, I don't want to keep him waiting either. Edward is fucking beautiful. Someone will scoop him up quickly once the gay boys out there realize he's single.
Oh hell no. That's not happening. He's mine. Fuck everyone else. They can find their own man. This one is mine.
If he'll have you.
I pick up my cell and dial the numbers he's left for me. My heart pounds in my chest. I'm a fucking nervous wreck. I've fucked quite a few guys, but Edward's different. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I put the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing, and I wait.
Please answer.
No, don't answer. Let me leave a message.
Please answer.
No, don't.
Please.
No.
With a click, my prayers are both answered and ignored. The velvety, smooth huskiness that is his voice startles me. "Hello."
I'm unable to answer. Just this one word delivers me back to the shop where I spent over an hour ogling him and fantasizing about the things I want to do to him.
"Hello?" He says. His voice is filled with sarcasm and annoyance.
"Umm, Hey." I murmur.
"Jasper?" He questions.
Oh my God! He said my name. Edward said my name. The sound of my name rolling off his tongue drives me to distraction.
And there went the nuts out the window again.
Fuck off, jackass.
If you don't stop ripping your nuts off your body you won't be able to fuck anything, not even yourself much less Edward.
I'm not sure what it this about this boy that turns me into a squealing teenage girl.
"Jasper? Are you there?" The concern in his voice shocks my brain and vocal cords into action.
"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I got sidetracked."
"Oh. Well, that's okay. If you need to go … ," he murmurs softly.
The dejection in his words rip at me spurring me into action. "No, man. Not at all. I would like to talk with you. Actually, I was hoping you'd go out with me tomorrow night?"
Finally! You DO have a set.
I can hear the excitement in his voice when he agrees. "Of course, I'd love to go."
~*~
I have spent the entire day fidgeting and watching the clock. I'm to meet Edward at 5:30 pm for dinner and afterward we'll be taking in a movie. Not the most original idea for a first date, but it accomplishes my goal. Getting my body and his within touching distance of each other. At 4 o'clock, I hop in the shower and get dressed. We've chosen to meet at The Cellar, a popular restaurant right off campus. As soon as I'm dressed, I grab my keys, wallet and phone and head to the restaurant. Since, it's not far, I decide to walk. The weather is pretty mild for March.
As I walk up to the restaurant he is standing outside waiting for me. My jaw nearly shatters against the pavement under my feet as I see him standing there. He is so beautiful. Tall, lanky, his green eyes pop against the green of his apple green dress shirt. His long legs are encased in a distressed pair of black jeans. His bronze locks are wild and unruly, giving him an untamed look that turns me on completely. He's the definition of sex, personified. His picture is probably listed right next to the word in Webster's. I nearly come in my pants as I let my eyes roam over him.
As I stare at him, I can't help but picture running my hands through his hair as I press my lips to his. Pulling on the silkiness, tilting his head back so I can run my tongue down his neck, I want to slowly unbutton that shirt and press my lips to every inch of skin I unveil. I want to trace every single line and contour of his body with my hands and my mouth. I want to lick and suck on his flesh. I want to spend hours feasting on him, learning the textures of his body, the tastes.
FUCK!
Just the thought of tasting him has my mind growling. If he tastes as good as he smells I'm in fucking trouble because he smells almost as divine as he looks. The spicy, sweetness is intoxicating. I can still remember that smell from yesterday at the shop and just the recollection of it tingling my nostrils fills me with need. It's magnificent. I can't even imagine what the effect will be when I have been curled up with him, and it's clinging to my skin hours afterward.
The imagery playing in my mind has me panting. My jeans tighten, and I shift my weight trying to alleviate some of the pressure. Nothing helps, though. As soon as my cock shifts gaining even a millimeter of space, it grows even more to fill the space causing my pants to tighten once more.
He smirks at me as I pick my tongue up off the ground and snap my jaw shut. I stroll towards him, finally regaining a hint of my control. I return his smirk, but then I pull out the big guns, those deep dimples and the mega watt smile my daddy blessed me with. They have never failed to cause their intended target to swoon, and I watch with merriment as he swallows – hard – and then tries to adjust himself discreetly.
Right back atcha, Edward. Let's see if you can handle it when I flirt back.
I stop in front of him, leaving just enough space between us to bring into being an added level of anticipation. The tension between us is palpable and I want to rev it up just a bit more. The two of us stand there, both panting, our breaths synchronizing perfectly. With each inhale, our chests brush together. The first touch brings confusion to his face. I can't help but smirk mischievously at him.
That's right. I have a nipple ring.
The second time our chests touch and part his face fills with realization and I watch him clench his jaw. His eyes darkening, the green dancing with an inner fire and the lids drooping over them, lust is written across his face as his eyes roam over the planes of my face to my chest. As if of its own accord, he raises his hand to my chest, hovering there for eons, before the backs of his fingers brush against the pebbled flesh and the metal that pierces the nipple under his fingers.
My eyes never leave his face. He brushes against me not once, or even twice, but three fucking times. The last time he brushes the ring so hard that he literally flicks the ring upwards. I'm unable to stifle the moan that escapes from the depths of my soul as his touch brands me.
At the sound of my moan, his eyes race back to my face and as they trace over my features he groans softly.
FUCK! We've not even said hello yet, and I'm seconds away from throwing down right now, right here on the sidewalk, and taking him in front of God and everyone. Passersby be damned.
Taking a deep breath, I pull from within me every tiny bit of strength that I can muster and I use every ounce of it to step away from him and the desire he has kindled within me. His face shows his disappointment but he looks up at me and I smile at him, trying convey my chagrin.
"Hi," I whisper. My hand comes up to grasp his as it falls to his side. I lace my fingers with his and let my eyes roam over his face drinking in the sight of him before me.
His disappointment melts away and is replaced with a radiance of elation I've never seen before as our hands intertwine. He leans towards me and whispers, "Hello. If you're finished eye fucking me, I'm hungry."
I can not help myself. I close the gap between us, twisting his arm behind him and using our clasped hands to grind his pelvis into mine, our hardened lengths pressing and rubbing together deliciously. His eyes slide closed and his lips part on a low moan.
Watching his reaction to me, to us together is an aphrodisiac that sets fire to my soul, alighting not just my need and desires but my heart as well. The flames lick and caress these new found feelings, stroking them into a frenzy and leaving me trembling. The earlier reaction to him is nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing compared to what I am feeling now.
Swallowing against the maelstrom of emotions that the fire has brought to my attention, I lean into whisper to him. My lips brush over his ear and my breath dances across his skin. "I'm hungry, too."
His eyes open, fasten onto mine and as we stand there locked together I realize something profound. This boy, this man is perilously close to claiming me, heart and soul, yet I'm not scared.
Why am I not scared? I just admitted that I am dangerously close to falling in love with a guy. That would definitely make me gay. Wouldn't it?
Now, I'm scared. Now, that my subconscious and conscious thoughts have merged into the realization that I might be gay, the fear races through me. I've admitted that I'm attracted to guys and I've admitted that girls just don't do it for me, but I've never considered myself gay. I fuck guys. I don't love them. It's all about getting off, at least until this moment. In this moment I am, for the first time ever, scared that I might actually be gay.
His free hand comes up to caress the side of my face as if he knows the struggles that is flailing around inside me, tearing and ripping at all my preconceived notions and idiocies. "Let's grab something quick and go somewhere to talk."
"No, I'm okay. Let's just eat dinner, and then we can go for a walk afterward, to talk." I reply. "I don't want to ruin our first date."
"First date, hmm? That implies there will be second date." He muses.
I grin and step back from him pulling him toward the restaurant as I walk backward towards the door. "And a third and a fourth and a fifth and ..."
He chuckles and slips his arm around my waist. "I like the way you think."
Our dinner and the walk around the duckpond on campus are lighthearted and jovial. The earlier tenseness I felt has dissipated, and I'm able to enjoy just being with him. I refuse to allow the fears that had gripped me outside the restaurant to ruin our night. Throughout the night, we talk about everything and nothing. I tell him about my family, and I learn of his. We talk about sports and music, each taking turns playing twenty questions. Finding that we have so many things in common, but there are some differences, as well. Those differences lead to lively, yet playful arguments. At the end of the night, I walk him back to his house.
We stand facing each other our hands in our jacket pockets whispering softly, neither of us ready to part with the other just yet. It's past midnight, though, and we both have ridiculously early classes the next morning. Even armed with this knowledge, neither of us can pull away from the other.
"I had a great time tonight," He says softly. His beautiful face flushes delicately, tinging pink just the tiniest bit.
My hand comes up to cup his neck, and I murmur, "I did as well." My thumb caresses his jawbone, and we gaze into each other's eyes. The earlier sexual electricity is slowly ramping up again, and my breathing increases causing me pant softly. "I want to kiss you, so badly."
He pulls his hands from his pockets letting them settle on my waist. He pulls us together, closing the distance as he lifts his chin to me. His soft, velvety voice rough with desire. "Umm … please do."
I bring my other hand up to his neck and lower my lips to his, taking his under mine. I start out slowly - something I've never done - with just a soft brushing. Each graze of my lips against his becoming firmer and lasting longer. The feeling of his lips on mine is exquisite, and I love every single caress, but soon I have to have more.
I pull his full, pouty lip between mine, sucking it and nipping at it gently, then laving it with my tongue before letting go and doing the same with his upper lip. His tongue sweeps across my lower lip before he sucks it gently into his mouth. Our kisses are unhurried and languid. Each of us relishing the feeling of finally being able to give into our urges and needs. Kissing Edward isn't a want. Don't get me wrong, I want to kiss him. Fuck, I want to do everything with him, but kissing Edward isn't just a want, it's a need. A necessity. Like breathing, and now that I've kissed him once, I know that I'll never want to stop. I'll need it from him everyday of forever.
Forever? Fuck dude, looks like you are gay.
That thought brings back those fears from earlier, but I'm loathe to care about them right now. I just shove them aside and concentrate on him. On Edward - his lips under mine and his body against mine. Soon though, other necessities become known, like oxygen.
As I pull away from him, he growls softly and bites my lip refusing to be parted from me. His growl is like molten lava racing through me alighting everything in its path on fire. Blood rushes from my head to my cock making me weak kneed and lightheaded. I have to taste him – fully. I can't wait any longer. I want to feel his body pressed tightly to mine. I want to feel his tongue in my mouth.
Sliding one of my arms under his, I wrap it around his waist fusing our bodies together as tightly as possible. Fisting my hand in his hair I tilt his head back, angling it to give me better access to his depths. Flicking my tongue out to trace his upper lip, I press my erection into his hip forcing a whimper of need from him. As soon as he releases my lip from his bite, his tongue comes forward to meet mine. They twirl and twist together. Neither of us fight for dominance. There's no need. We want the same thing.
The brush and pull of his roughness against mine is mind boggling. Unable to stifle my need for him, I slip my tongue passed his lips taking tiny sips of his sweetness, savoring the feelings he evokes in me – the need, the want, the desire.
Pull away or you'll end up fucking him against the God damned house.
Stepping back from him, I take a deep breath. "Damn," I mumble, blowing the breath out hard puffing my cheeks as I exhale.
I look at him and I nearly grab him again. He's so fucking sexy. His lips are swollen and bruised. His hair, which was already a beautiful mess, is even more so now. He has that horny, lustful look to his pale green eyes making them darken drastically to a beautiful agathia green. Like me, his chest is heaving as he tries to catch his breath. Our eyes connect, and you can nearly see and feel the crackle of electricity between us.
"Wanna come in?" He asks softly. His cheeks color with his embarrassment deepening the red coloring on his face leftover from our passionate embrace.
FUCK YES!
My mind is screaming at me, but unlike all the others, I want something different with him. I can feel that if I don't fuck this up that my life will change – that I won't be awaking up in the mornings with my first thought being Fuck! I hate my life! I know that he is different, special, and I want to explore that with him.
YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Just this morning you were screaming you need to get laid! He's offering – take it!
Sliding my hands into his gorgeous bronze hair, I step close and drop a soft, chaste kiss on his upturned lips. "I'd love to, but not to night. Soon, though. I promise."
His disappointment shadows his glorious face that just moments ago was filled with desire and happiness. I squat down a couple inches so we are eye to eye. "I want nothing more than to stay with you, but we both have extremely early classes, and I'm not a morning person. If you'll repeat the offer, I'll take you out to the movies on Friday like I had planned to do tonight, only this time, I'll bring a bag."
His face lit up at the suggestion. The fire returning to his eyes and that sexy as fuck smirk returns, pulling up one corner of his mouth. "Sounds like a plan, but instead of going out to the movies, why don't we stay in? I'll even cook for you."
FUCK! He cooks?
"You cook?" I ask. I am a passable cook, but not decent enough to suggest replacing a restaurant meal with something homemade.
"Yeah, I do. I love to cook. There's just something about taking simple ingredients and turning them into something sinfully delicious." He replies.
We chat for a few more moments, and the longer I talk with him the more I realize just how much I like him, how much I want to know even more about him. I don't want to leave a single stone unturned when it comes to knowing Edward.
Finally, we say a soft goodnight, sharing a few more steamy kisses before I walk back to my dorm, kicking myself for not staying. My hard-on is raging making walking an uncomfortable pastime. Luckily, when I walk into my darkened dorm room, I walk into an empty room and not one filled with the sounds of sex coming from my roommate's bed.
Thank fucking God for small favors.
Flopping down on my bed, I rest my head on my intertwined hands and stare at the ceiling, reminiscing about my date with Edward. I still can't believe the fucking chemistry that flares up between us. It is just so unreal. The shock of touching him didn't diminish at all over the course of the evening. Every single time we touch I feel as if I've grabbed a hold of a live wire. From the look on his face he felt the same zap – that same spark that I have felt.
I've known for a long fucking time that girls just aren't for me, but tonight, being with Edward has made me realize that I am gay. With Edward and the attraction I feel for him, I have no qualms with facing my sexuality and embracing it. If it gets me Edward, gets him in my life and me in his, I'll fucking shout "I'M GAY" from the rooftops.
Gone are the days of picking up random strangers and fucking them. Gone are the thoughts that being gay is wrong and shameful. There isn't anything shameful about what Edward makes me feel. Shameful is what I have been doing for the past three fucking years – denying myself happiness because it hasn't come in a traditional package.
Traditional package?
Yeah, you know … soft curves instead of hard planes. Muscular and masculine instead of soft and feminine.
Is it really so bad that you don't feel attracted to what is supposed the traditional package?
Thinking of Edward, I admit to myself that while I still have a twinge of fear about facing that last demon that's been keeping my closet door firmly closed, I'm no longer embarrassed by what I am. I don't want to hide in a closet anymore. I don't want to evade my parents' questions about girls with vague non-answers all the while knowing in my heart that there will never be a girl for me to take home to meet them. I had planned to go through life, hiding that part of myself, but having met Edward, having kissed Edward, I just can't do that. I have to tell them, and I want to do it NOW, but it's not a conversation that can be had over the phone. My family isn't well off, so a trip home in the middle of the semester is out. So, I'll just have to wait.
Just embracing the knowledge that I can do this – that I can be happy without the traditional packaging – makes me ecstatic. My mind, having processed and accepted this wonderful epiphany wonders back to it's source.
Edward!
I kissed him. I kissed him in public, in broad daylight, in the middle of a crowded street, in front of a busy restaurant and then later on the front porch of his house.
Kissed? Those were not mere kisses. The words that come to my mind to describe those kisses include groped, fondled and nearly fucked, but not just kiss. Nope that just doesn't cover it.
FINE! Yes, I did all those things. That's not the point.
The point is that I did it in public. All my other … liaisons, for lack of a better word, have been done privately without anyone on the outside of my closet ever knowing who I had been with or even if I had been with anyone at all. I don't date. I don't hold their hands. I don't ask questions about them and I most assuredly don't put on blatant displays of affection for any and all to see. I normally pick someone up at a bar, and I fuck them in the bathroom or in the car. 'Where' has never mattered as long as it's private and completely safe from possible interruptions.
Tonight, with Edward I was so overcome with the feelings he evoked in my that I had to have him, and I didn't care who saw us. My mother could have been walking down the street, and I wouldn't have given a fuck. Well, I would have cared, but I doubt seriously if I would have stopped. Edward is like a fire in my blood, like an addiction. I can foresee myself falling in love with him. I can see us together as the years pass. I can see him loving me as I love him, the two of us taking care of one another. I can see it all. I can even see my parents eventually accepting me, my sexuality and in turn even accepting Edward.
My eyes become heavy, and I close them. Images of a bronze haired man dance across my lids, taunting me, teasing me. Sighing, I smile softly as I watch the angel before me until my breathing evens out, and I drift off asleep to visions of Edward, visions of the two of us together, visions of a different life – a happy life. My last thought as unconsciousness claims me is...
Fuck! I love my life!

Chapter 2

Queer as Folk Bloopers

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:47:00 +0000

A blooper real from my all time favorite series. Season One of Queer as Folk. There's nothing more beautiful than Brian and Justin.

OOPS! I screwed up!

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:41:00 +0000

I forgot this post was scheduled to post. It's not meant to post until Second Chance at Forever is completed. Which, it DEFINITELY IS NOT! So, OOPS on me.

Happy New Years!

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:03:00 +0000

Yes I know it's early, but if you follow Ninapolitan's Smut Monday's and Free For All Friday's, then you'll be seeing me on January 1st. I'm working on an Edward & Jasper chapter from the First Chance at Love/Second Chance at Forever Universe. YAY!! More boy love.

Where is the author?

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:23:00 +0000

I know that it's been ages since y'all have seen hide or hair of me and I would like to apologize for that. Unfortunately, I've just been a bit overwhelmed with real life lately. I'd love to say that I've been writing up a storm and soon you'll be inundated with updates but alas, I can not. My writing muse has gone on strike and abandoned me.

I will promise you this...I have not abandoned my stories. They will be finished, of that you can be certain. Please bear with me.

Waiting...

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:31:00 +0000

I'm not a waiter. I'm definitely not patient. The problem is, I just hit the send button on the email to a publisher.

I revamped Finally Home and submitted it to a publisher that publishes novellas of an erotica nature into ebooks.

Thought I'd start small and work my way up to an actual book. LOL!

Please keep me in your thoughts and keep your fingers crossed.

I just received a confirmation email that says...

Thank you for your interest in Spice Briefs. Your submission has been received, and will be reviewed by the Editorial department. Please note that due to the recent volume of submissions our response time is anywhere from 3-6 months. Please do not send follow-up queries; we appreciate your patience and will contact you about your manuscript as soon as possible.

Heaven help me. I'll be snatched bald and I'll have chewed my nails off to the bone. LOL!

Trailer 4...better quality

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 01:11:00 +0000

Desperation Chapter 29, Teaser

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:45:00 +0000

New Moon Trailer

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:15:00 +0000

Interview with Vampire Jasper Hale

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 06:13:00 +0000

The Vancouver Sun recently got their hands on Jackson Rathbone. (Damn that was a lucky reporter).

Thanks to Zulfiqar for the late night tweet of this linky.

Radio Interview with Jackson Rathbone!

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:58:00 +0000

That's right girls! Virgin radio grabbed a hold of Jackson Rathbone and got him talking!

A Desperation 28 Wordle teaser

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Desperation 28 teaser

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:35:00 +0000

Go see it here!

Desperation...

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 02:03:00 +0000

Desperation, Desperation where art thou, Desperation chapter 28?

Well it is in the process of being finished up. I promise. I am sitting at 4047 words and I'm sure that it will be off to beta 1 and beta 2 before midnight.

Hehehe like Dr Seuss's Thing 1 and Thing 2.

I've also, started chapter 29.

I want to apologize for the delay. I told y'all I was taking a break, but I never meant for it to be this long. The Peen aka WG's Peen aka the hubs isn't any happy with me either, just for the record. He's been chomping at the bit to sink his teeth into this chapter and Bella and Jasper were happy to just sit on the floor cuddling together. Now, that they are talking again, I'm not going to rest.

I'll post a teaser on the Twilighted thread tomorrow.

Temptation Podcast

noreply@blogger.com (Whitlock's Girl) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:50:00 +0000

I have 3 pieces of FanArt in the Temptation Twilight Podcast FanArt contest. Damn that's a mouthful! LOL

The nominees and voting links are on the Temptation site and can be found here. I've placed my nominations below. Go vote for your favorite whether it's mine or not!