One you do not remember, the other you call "Mother."

Two different lives shaped to make you one;

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it;

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name;

One gave you talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears;

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide;

The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears….

The age old question, unanswered throughout the years.

Heredity or environment…which are you a product of?

Neither…my darling…neither,

Just two different kinds of love!

-Author unknown-

It's not easy raising a family with less, but there are businesses nationwide offering all kinds of freebies.  Here's one that families may find especially attractive…

On Tuesday nights (and occasionally Saturdays) Denny's, Lone Star Steakhouse, and Roadhouse Grill offer free kids meals with a paying adult.  Check out KidsMealDeals.com for restaurants in your area.

Yahoo!Finance has a whole page of free stuff like airline freebies, free video games, free shipping and free financial advice.   Some of its hokie, but there's some good stuff too.

Guess what?

15% of the preschoolers had abnormally high levels of depression and anxiety.  The biggest indicators are history of depression in the mother and a "difficult temperment" in the infant at 5 months of age.

So that's Canada and anybody who knows us knows we love all things Canadian, so we're not going to make any snide remarks about the weather up there, or the Canadiens not having one a Stanley Cup in 16 years, being a contributing factor.

Any studies like this going on in the good 'ol USA?

Apparently so.  Jezebel.com reports about a study that followed 306 depressed preschoolers.  Two years later, 40% of those kids were still suffering from depression.  I guess the psychologists who said that children under 6 didn't have the emotional maturity to be depressed were wrong.

What the experts are struggling with is how to treat preschooler depression and anxiety.  They're not sure if cognitive behavioral therapy will work like it works for teens.  They're also worried about using anti-depressants on preschoolers. (Wouldn't you be?)  But, something does have to be done.  Depression and anxiety can't be left unchecked throughout childhood for obvious reasons.

Moral of the story here is if there's a history of depression in mom or mom's side of the family, pay special attention to your child's behavior very early on.  Follow this link for some great books about depression in children that will help you build a strategy to raise a healthy and well-adjusted child.

We love Sittercity.com

One of our biggest concerns when we first moved to Wichita was finding a reliable babysitter.  We knew no one and our closest family was 2 1/2 hours away in Kansas City.

In fact, the only way we could go to the movies by ourselves was to visit Mimi in Kansas City for a weekend and have her babysit Jack while we went out for the evening.  5 hours of driving just to have a night out gets old after a while.

We knew we needed to find a good sitter so we turned to the power of the World Wide Web.  Todd suggested Craigslist but Jennifer wasn't too thrilled about that idea.  "No photos, no profile, no references, and no resume," she said.

Todd thought for a second and said, "What website has all that?"

Jennifer shot right back, "Sittercity, you big dork!"

Todd thought again for a minute and then remembered…"Hey I think I've heard of that site.  I read about it in a book I have about internet businesses.  A college student in Boston started it and turned it into one of the best websites in the world."

Jennifer said, "I don't care about all that, I just want someone who isn't weird to watch Jack!"

So we went on the site and started looking at all the babysitters in Wichita.  We found some people we liked, checked their bios, their work experience, their schedules, their references and the map of where they lived.  Then we mailed a few we liked.

Within a couple weeks we interviewed a local college student and decided she'd make a great babysitter for Jack.  She hasn't disappointed.  We haven't used her in a month or so, but get this…

She just emailed us one day last week – out of the blue – to ask how everything was going.  Now that's special.  Sittercity has been everything we'd hoped for and we hope you like it too.

Need a babysitter? The best local sitters are at Sittercity.com. Save 15% on registration with promo code SAVE15

Live like no one else, so one day you can live like no one else.

We've recently started thinking very seriously about our retirement and Jack's college education.  Truth is, we've lived well (not too well) but well enough and at the end of the month the bills are paid but there's practically no saving going on.

We've enjoyed a couple nice vacations, purchased some things we needed for the house and haven't deprived ourselves of much.  Now we've realized that we really aren't getting anywhere and we need to make some changes so that we can leave a financial legacy to be proud of.

That's where Dave Ramsey comes in.

He's that crazy southern guy on Fox Business Channel who talks about not using credit cards, paying off your debt, and saving money.  Who does that?  That doesn't sound like much fun.

Well…who does that are people who are at peace with their financial situation.  They have no debt, they have 3-6 months of expenses saved, and they fund their 401k's and Education IRA's like crazy every month.  When they want to buy something, they save for it instead of buying in on credit.  They also give, but not until it hurts.  It doesn't hurt because their giving is budgeted, just like everything else.

The most amazing thing about these folks is that they come from all kinds of educational and social backgrounds.  Some of them make $30,000 a year and some of them make $130,000 a year.  They all made the same decision, though.  They decided enough was enough.

They all decided that it was time to start living within their means, paying off their debts and saving money for emergencies and the future.  That's the beauty, or the simplicity of it all.  These folks applied principles straight from God and your grandmother to do a Total Money Makeover.

Now we've begun that journey.  Tonight Todd attended the first class of 13 at Financial Peace University.  This class is sponsored by First United Methodist Church in Wichita.

We're cutting up the credit cards.   We're making a Gazelle Budget.  We're saving for our emergency fund.  Instead of feeling beaten and defeated, we're choosing to feel empowered and in control.  Feels great so far.

We're going to chronicle our journey right here.  Hopefully you'll all see how our success changes us, for the better.  Hopefully our success will inspire you to look for a Financial Peace University class near you.

If you're not ready for a 13 week commitment, but you want to learn more about Financial Peace and the Total Money Makeover, buy one of Dave's books.  We bring you Dave Ramsey, courtesy of Barnes and Noble.

Stay tuned…

Jack is Back to School

Jack returned to preschool, 2 days a week, and we told you all about it, except that….our last post disa-freakin-ppeared!

Don't know if it had anything to do with a recent upgrade to Jeff Johnson's Traffic-Getting SEO Plugin or not.

Well let's tell the story again…

The thing we like most about Jack's preschool is it's use of the Reggio Method method of early childhood teaching.  This method originated in Reggio Emilia, Italy shortly after the conclusion of World War II.  Parents wanted a way to educate their children more quickly and felt that a child's individuality was largely formed during the early years of life.

They created a method that emphasizes children using all their senses, interacting with each other and the material things around them, having some control over their own learning, and receiving unlimited opportunities and ways in which to express themselves.

The teacher's role is to observe the childrens' interests and collaborate with them in their learning, not just to be an instructor.  Lesson plans are patterned after the childrens' interests and teachers get involved right alongside the children.

All we know is Jack loves it!

Here are a few other useful resources of the Reggio Emilia Method:

Reggio Emilia Approach

Reggio Emilia Philosophy

Home School Learning Network: The Reggio Emilia Method

Jack's Adoption Finalization Hearing

August 17th is a very special day for our family.  It's the day Jack's adoption was finalized and he legally became our son.

We walked into a courtroom in Painesville, OH and walked out with the whole world knowing that Jack was ours.  What a great day!

August 17, 2008 passed with barely a whimper.  We knew what the day meant but, for some reason, we did nothing with it.  When the 17th rolled around this year, Jennifer led the charge to make sure this was a memorable day for us and Jack.

We thought about what we could do and nothing that wasn't cliche came to mind.  We were drawing a blank because a simple party or just a cake or a meal out wasn't enough.  This day really had to be unique for us and Jackie.

One day, the idea just came to Jennifer.  Perhaps she was doing some web surfing when she found it.  Youthville.

What's Youthville?  Never heard of it?

Todd hadn't either.

Youthville is one of the largest non-profit child welfare agencies in Kansas.  Their mission is all about "Giving Children Back Their Childhood."  They provide foster care and adoption services as well as counseling, therapy and residential psychiatric services.  They're also always in need of donations.

That's where we came in.  Wouldn't it be a great idea to bring a donation to Youthville every year on August 17th?

So that's exactly what we did.  We took a trip to Wal-Mart and proceeded to stock up on back to school supplies and health and beauty aids.  From there we made a trip to Youthville's Wichita offices and delivered our donation.

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We did end up getting a cake, too.  "Happy Jackie Marsha Day!"

She wants to do this as a family.

That's understandable.  Potty training is big, really big.  We all need to focus on it in order for Jack to be successful.

Here's the plan…

We're going to take an upcoming weekend, shut ourselves in the house, and just get it done.  All three of us.  If we reach Sunday night and he's not getting it, then we'll know it's too soon.  No shame in that.

Stay tuned…

Wonder what Jack thinks about all this?

Well…Jennifer decided to go ahead with Jack's potty training.

Step 1 – Get Jack into his big boy underwear

Result – Easier said than done, Jack refused to put his new underwear on until lunchtime

Step 2 – Get him on the potty

Result – 1st visit was dry; we didn't get to a 2nd visit as Jack peed on the floor in the kitchen 7 minutes before his next trip to the potty

Step 3 – Back in the diaper

Result – Jack acts like he's gonna poop; Jennifer puts him on the potty and 10 minutes later, nada

Step 4 – Run to store and get Cool Alert Pull-Ups; they turn cool when you start to wet which gets your attention and gets you used to what having to go potty feels like

Result – That's it for today; Jack goes into his Cool Alert Pull-Ups tomorrow morning

As you can see, our method of potty training is unique to us.  Question is, will it work?

Let's go back to the drawing board for just a minute.  We consulted a favorite site of ours, babycenter.com for some more advice.

Ok, Jack watches Daddy pee all the time and we talk about the day when he'll go pee pee in the potty.   Good, we got that one right.

We bought him a potty as well.  Looking good.  Wow!  So we should stop making fun of Everyone Poops and think about buying it for Jack?  Makes sense.

So he needs to get used to the potty, first with his clothes on, then with his pants down.  Hmmm….  We've sat him on it many times, but I don't think we did it that way.  Oh well…what's next?

Hmmm…maybe instead of feeding Jack's Diego doll Frosted Flakes, we should be showing him how Diego goes pee pee on the potty.  Guess there's something to this doll thing.

Another one we got right on the money!  We bought Jack some pirate underwear on our summer vacation and he wore Thomas the Tank Engine underwear today.

We need a schedule too.  He should be in diapers for long trips and at night and training with his underwear or Cool Alert Pull-Ups in the morning.  No problem.

Sit first, then stand…covered that one yesterday.  Naked time?  Sounds messy.  Perhaps we should do that one in the kitchen.

Celebrate success…that's a no-brainer.  Keep trying…fine, sure.  Add some flair to potty training?  Do tell.  Oh, throw some shapes or cereal o's in the potty for target practice, use some food coloring and let him change the color with his pee.  Cool.  We have the M&M's on our side with this one.  Every successful potty earns Jack his favorite candy.

Nighty, night.  Good thing is that Jack regularly has dry nights and naps.  Once we keep him dry all day, we can try going diaper free at bedtime.

An official "no more diapers" ceremony.  Sounds like fun.  Wow, that will truly be a great day.

Maybe we don't have to stick to a particular "theory" of potty training.  Perhaps we can do this in our own unique way, applying the advice we get in a way that's best for us and Jack.

Tomorrow's another day.  Good luck Jennifer and Jack!

I wanna potty!

The prospect of potty training young Jack is very exciting and completely terrifying at exactly the same time.  Potty training is a toddler rite of passage and a welcome elimination of a substantial parental expense.

This is just plain important stuff!

Did we mention we're starting tomorrow morning?

Pray for us…

Let's capture our knowledge of how to potty train at this particular moment in time.  This should be good for a nice laugh.

1. Bye-bye diaper
2. Put the underwear on him
3. Take him to his practice potty every 20 minutes
4. Hope for the best!

OMG, this has disaster written all over it!  That can't possibly be everything there is to it.  When in doubt, hit the web…

Ok, found a great site called Potty Training Concepts.  This oughta help.

Wait a minute…the experts say train him sitting down?  Seriously?  The potential for a mess goes way down, but what if he likes sitting down so much that we can't get him to stand up like Daddy does?  Apparently that shouldn't be a big deal down the road.  Also says it's less confusing because he's doing the same (sitting) for #1 and #2.  That makes sense.

Moving right along…hold on.  Do we know that he's ready for this big step?  Let's see.  There are four indicators.

1. Psychological readiness
2. Motor skills
3. Cognitive/verbal development
4. Emotional/social awareness

This sounds a bit complicated.  What's the deal here?

Ok, Jack squats, grunts and sometimes runs off and hides when he makes #2.  He doesn't make #2 during the night.  He tends to go a long time between urinations and fills it up quickly when he's ready to go.  He also regularly makes #2 a few minutes after lunch and dinner.  According to the website, he's ready.  But, that's only one of the four.

Let's see about his motor skills.  We haven't really pushed Jack to dress and undress.  He can put his arm into the sleeve and push it up and he can take his shift off with some help.  Hmmm…  He can pull his pants down and thankfully he doesn't do this at inappropriate times.  Not sure about pulling them back up, though.  We're gonna to have to play this one by ear.  Two more to go…

Does Jack know the words associated with elimination?  Yes.  Can he follow instructions?  Eventually, yes.  He's a bit defiant at times.  Hope that won't be a problem.  He does have very good memory, however.  Also, he imitate extremely well.  Ok, looks like we're safe on this one.

Last hurdle…does he want to be looked at as a "big boy" and do things on his own?  Most definitely.  He's very into our approval right now, too.  He's always asking us to look at what he's doing.  He also loves to do things like others do them.  He tells stories to himself.  Sometimes Dora and Boots are in them, along with Mommy, Daddy or Mimi.  Shouldn't be a problem here.

Based on this, he's ready.  The one thing to watch is the physical act of pulling down his pants and pulling them back up.  If he can't do this well, we're going to have a problem to work through.

So do we have the process right?  Are we missing any steps?

You mean "we" have to be ready too?  What does that mean?

1. Tools and supplies
2. Potty training method
3. Child's development
4. Consequences
5. Child's perspective

This is starting to sound really complicated!

Equipment wise, we have underwear and a potty chair, but what's the deal with the "doll"?

Looks like there are 5 well-known potty training methods.  One of them is very unpopular in North America.  Another one is quite messy.  One is made famous by Dr. Phil and it involves a doll.  The other two are gradual, but sometimes not very predictable.  So which one is right for Jack?  Quite frankly we have no clue.  All we know is that the method we wrote above has elements of each of them and that could spell trouble.

Should we really get the show on the road tomorrow?