I had decided not to blog about it (I tweeted it instead), but I figured what the heck.

Yesterday was the SuperBowl, blah blah blah. Actually the game wasn’t bad, and I think that the Saints played well enough that they deserved the win. It’s good for New Orleans as well (and they sure reminded us of that throughout the entire broadcast).

But I found myself constantly distracted by twitter – watching people’s reactions to the commercials. Yes there were a FEW people talking about the game, but mostly people were commenting on the commercials. Unfortunately, this year we didn’t have that much to pick from.

Compared to previous years I say this year gets a D+ for quality and variety of commercials. There were a lot of themes this year: rodents, men in underwear, womanizing. But 90% of them weren’t even funny. (and did anyone notice that the F*cus on the F*mily advertisement was a bit toned down from the original plan?)

Only a few kept my attention and made me remember them (for various reasons), so here they are:

• KGB: It’s no longer just a secret police, now it’s a search engine (this one was memorable because of how dumb I think it is) – http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-super-bowl-commercials/09000d5d81645010/KGB-commercial
• Dante’s Inferno: A new game from Electronic Arts (looks like an amazing game although not available on PC) – http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-super-bowl-commercials/09000d5d81643a88/Dante-s-Inferno-commercial

And then two that are worth embedding for your viewing pleasure…

Click here to view the embedded video.

and of course…

Click here to view the embedded video.

For me, the Betty White ad wins the day. Why? Because, well, it’s Betty White! And if you don’t like it, she’ll cut you.

I hope you all had a wonderful SuperBowl Sunday!!

Some time ago David and I went to a wedding reception at a private home (vs. a public home) in a private neighbourhood (which wasn’t gated btw, just “private”). How did we know that it was a private neighbourhood? Why, by the sign of course…

As we drove down a long street toward a clustering of houses, we saw a sign similar to this one. I didn’t bother to stop and take a picture of the actual sign because I was laughing at the absurd nature of having such a sign in the first place.

Pretentious, yes. Useful, no. Ignorable, yes.

I mean seriously, the only people who would go into the neighbourhood are people who live there, people who are visiting, or people who have been invited. Is a yellow sign really going to stop anyone from going into that neighbourhood if they really have their heart set on it? Um, no.

In fact, I would venture to say that seeing that sign made me WANT to go into the neighbourhood just to see if they had something special going on that they didn’t want anyone to know about. The answer to that was NO, but I wouldn’t have known that had I not gone into the neighbourhood in the first place.

But as things do, it got me thinking…

What would all the “appropriate” exceptions be to the rule of “Private Road”? Who would they say IS permitted to use the road besides the residents? Let’s think about this for a moment…

• Utility providers: power, gas, water, sewer, trash, street cleaning, recycling, telephone, internet
• Maintenance workers: plumbing, heating and air conditioning, roofers, painters, landscapers, gardeners, masons, housekeepers, nanny services
• Delivery services: furniture, flowers and gifts, UPS, FedEx, USPS, DHL, food service, your dealer
• Friend’s and Family members

When I think about the type of people who come to my house, the list is pretty comprehensive and I don’t live on a “Private Road”. So who exactly is this sign putting on notice? The only thing I could come up with was:

• Traveling salesman: vacuum cleaners, knives, etc. (do these even exist anymore?)
• Religious groups: LDS missionaries, Moonies, local churchgoers checking in on why you haven’t been in months, etc.

So then why couldn’t the sign just say “No Solicitors beyond this point”? That seems to be more descriptive of the people you actually want to stay away.

If you truly wanted things to be private then go live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no utilities. And don’t ever order anything online. And have your own garden. And no sending any mail either. And actually just don’t even tell us you’re going, just go. I’m not sure anyone will miss you because you’ve been living on that private road and we haven’t seen you anyway.

Meh.

I got my results back from my Health for Life bloodwork yesterday. The numbers weren’t all that surprising – my cholesterol numbers are good but my triglycerides and body fat index are high. When I was entering the numbers into the little evaluation system, I noticed that you could enter numbers associated with tests done while fasting, and tests done while non-fasting. I didn’t remember doing anything fast, and so…

It got me thinking (and we all know where that usually leads)…

I am becoming tired of words with more than one meaning, especially when there are other words that share a meaning but those words themselves only have one meaning (or at least a fewer number of meanings).

Confused already? Don’t worry – this is the 800th post on this blog so you know I’m not going to leave you hanging.

Let’s take the words “fast” and “quick” and do a comparison.

Right off the bat you will notice that fast can mean two different things: going without food, doing something rapidly or quickly. Which begs the question, why would I ever need to use the word fast for the latter definition when there are perfectly good words like rapid or quick?

Rapid could be a problem though, since that could describe quickly moving water –  so let’s reserve rapid as a noun for, well, rapids, and look at quick.

I am moving quickly. The water is moving quickly (and we call those rapids). There’s really no other use for quickly than to imply speedy motion. This means that I can reserve fast for going without food, rapid for noun-only use, and quick(ly) to describe the speed of something. (Don’t even THINK about telling me that quick can be a noun used to describe that part under your nail/cuticle, because it can’t.)

You can see from this example that we have a LOT of work to do if we’re going to clean up the English language from all this nonsense.

Staying within the “movement” theme: book. When I was in middle school, kids would say “He was bookin’” to describe that someone was running quickly. I really don’t know how a noun that describes written words got turned into a verb for quick running, but at this point do we really question the absurdity of our language? No, not when letter combinations like “doh” and “google” find their way into the dictionary.

Want something more topical? Shorty. Shorty typically means a slang term for someone of diminutive height. Now it describes a 140 character story/message on twitter (which is also known as a tweet – because apparently we need two names for the same thing, both of which already had definitions beforehand).

It’s pervasive. It’s everywhere. It’s time for a crusade against this despicable double-talk. Let’s get out there and book on down to the library and come up with a rapid way to stop the madness fast!

Sad. Tragic. Many more adjectives come to mind as well, but this is a family show.

We were at the gas station, and I was pumping the gas (do we still call it pumping gas even though there’s no pumping action required by the purchaser?)…there was a young kid with a girl on the opposite side of the pump and he was also pumping gas.

As I stood listening to my gas tank fill up, he finished, and the girl got in the passenger seat and he went to get into the driver’s seat. He looked back at the gas pump and said “I guess you have to go inside to get change. It’s only $3.50 so why bother?”

Yep, that’s right…he decided not to walk 20 feet to get $3.50 in change.

Apparently $3.50 has become the new penny. I mean seriously how many of you would walk 20 feet for a penny? None of you I’d imagine. But $3.50?

I was shocked. There are people who can eat for an entire year on $3.50 and this kid who was driving a vehicle his parents probably bought for him couldn’t be bothered. I’m sure he drove off to lunch with his girlfriend and paid with a credit card his parents pay for, then blah blah blah.

For $3.50 you can get a tall mocha at Starbucks. Or, you could buy a sandwich somewhere, or maybe a pack of pens, or some batteries, or a book of stamps, or some breath mints, or a 2-pack of light bulbs, or some candles, or a gallon of milk, or a VERY cheap bottle of wine, or a pair of socks, or a big cookie.

Kids these days make me very sad and disappointed and bitter and pissy.

Bitter. That’s what I am right now after reading an article titled “Ugliest animals in the world” and seeing this picture:

Let’s make something very clear. Sphinx are NOT ugly. Sphinx are amazingly beautiful creatures, worthy of being heralded by the Pharaoh’s. To even see these magnificent entities lumped in the same category as the naked mole rat, or the aye-aye, or the Yeti crab is just blasphemy.

I think we can all agree that seeing something like THIS:

…is likely to make you scream bloody-pink murder and run for your life. I know that if I saw something like that buck-toothed monstrosity I would think I had somehow landed in a county fair and next up on the tour was the three headed marmoset and the bearded lady. Either that or it was an episode of http://www.fox.com/fringe/.

And so to clarify…

Buck-toothed mole rat: UGLY.

Sphinx cats: GORGEOUS.

Can you tell the difference? The spelling is COMPLETELY dissimilar. Yes there are two letters in common but that’s where the similarity ends.

Heck, I’ll even go so far as to say the Yeti crab has a furry elegance about it, and the sloth is just absofreakinadorable. But the mole rat and the aye-aye…I’m sorry, but no. The aye-aye reminds me of a Chinese Crested – you know those dogs with whisps of white hair and liver spots all over their bodies? *SCREAM*

Now – I know there are probably some of you who OWN a Chinese Crested…you should be ashamed of yourself. Put some clothes on your dog.

But I digress. I really had not intended to do anything other than point you to the article and tell you how wonderful sphinx are, but here I go mouthing off about mutant moles and leprous dogs. What is the world coming to?

I would blame it on Monday, except it’s Tuesday. So maybe I’ll blame it on the rain, blame it on the stars, whatever you do don’t put the blame on you, blame it on the rain yeah yeah.

That’s right – it’s gotten so bad that I’m singing Milli Vanilli now. Make it stop.

If you missed the American Idol auditions this week, you only missed two things: split jeans and handcuffs. That’s pretty much it for Chicago and Orlando. Sad right?

I suppose it’s par for the course in a year where I’m already feeling the absence of Paula and the intrusion of Kara. She just gets more and more empowered every episode doesn’t she? She and Kristin Chenoweth were pretty much over the top with their girl power (although thank you Shania Twain for not falling into the pit of obnoxiousness). Poor Simon. Randy even tried to get in on the mix and Simon had to admonish him at one point with a stern “Randy”. Yeah – who’s the boss? (if you say Kara I will smack you)

The highlights of this week (seriously these were the ONLY highlights):

• During an audition the guy decides he’s going to do the splits, and quite literally split the crotch of his pants so bad that he might as well have not been wearing pants at all. The judges thought it was the best part of the audition and he was right through to Hollywood. Thankfully, he’ll get cut in the first week most likely and we won’t have to keep seeing clips of it.
• If you really think you can sing, but your voice sounds like a lawnmower, you really need to take the hint and leave the room. If security has to get involved it’s never a good thing, and when they pull out the handcuffs it’s even worse. As far as I can remember it’s the first time that someone has been arrested during their audition, but something tells me it won’t be the last the way this season is going.

I am so not feeling it so far. Where are all the Adam Lambert wannabee’s? I mean, can’t he at least have a younger brother or cousin who shows up and plays the relative card? There’s absolutely nothing unique happening so far – certainly not Simon’s choice of wardrobe.

I didn’t feel it last year at this point, and I’m feeling it even less this year. Power Trip DioGuardi is on a roll without Paula there to remind her that Kara got her start living in Paula’s guest room. What’s next? A singoff with a contestant who challenges Kara to sing better than they do. You know it’s coming…

Friday, 15 January 2010, 4:18pm Pacific Time: A slow but steady stream of 135 degree water begins its meander across the laundry room floor.

I need to pause at this point to give a shout-out to my laundry room floor, it’s been through a lot. Not only does it get the daily abuse from the cats using their litter boxes, but it’s also been through some delightful (but relatively minor) flooding. Some of you may recall the Great Christmas Ham Incident of 2006 – Christmas Ham that was put down the disposal caused a sewer pipe backup resulting in ham erupting into the bathtub and out the washing machine hose and onto the laundry room floor.

Needness to say, I have mad props for the laundry room floor and its tolerance level.

Back to Friday. I was doing some laundry, all was fine, no ham down the disposal or anything like that. I go back to put the clothes into the dryer and notice that the carpet in the laundry room is COMPLETELY soaked, but the water is NOT coming from under the washer! It’s coming out of the hot water heater!

Oh crap.

There was a constant drip coming from the bottom of the hot water heater, and it had leaked probably a gallon of water into the surrounding carpet. We quickly cleaned up all the water and turned the water off to the heater. We put pans under it to catch the water that continued to drip – now from three different places. Oh goodie just what I wanted to deal with on a Friday night as we’re getting ready to leave for dinner out.

So – I started making some calls and found out that Sears had the same model Kenmore 30 gallon natural gas (just the newer version) available and it was highly likely that it could be installed the next day (Saturday). The cost of the hot water heater was less than $300, but after installation fees, pipes, hoses, drip pans, and permit lookups, the cost was up to $900 and it was only Friday night and I’m on the phone ordering it.

Saturday – installers arrive mid-afternoon and the install begins, and the costs begin to rise more. $400 more because the old water heater was WAY out of code and all sorts of new pipes and trays and drains have to be installed. Apparently whomever installed the first one did a sloppy job.

So all in all, $1300 over a two day period. It’s like going to Vegas – except Vegas isn’t as fun. But that hot shower sure did feel good .

Oh – and to whomever eventually buys my house when I move out some day, you’re welcome.

* Image from American Idol

Yes, yes, I realize the title is completely tongue in cheek. Of COURSE American Idol started this week – are you kidding me that I wouldn’t watch every single solitary moment of that show???

For those of you who have been following my life for the last several years (or at least my blog), you will know that I am completely and utterly addicted to American Idol. I mean, obsessed. That is obsession is one reason why I have been deluged with people asking me, “Heath why on earth haven’t you blogged about the season premier of American Idol???”

And so here is my response.

As AI rolled into the city of Boston to kick off their Season 9, we were very quickly reminded that Paula Abdul was no longer part of this amazing cultural experiment. We saw footage of her on the red carpet splattered with news headlines about leaving the show. It was a sad way to begin. And then we see the announcement about Ellen joining the program – which doesn’t make sense to me to promo now, since we won’t see her until all the auditions are done and we get to the live shows. A bit early I feel.

I adore Ellen, yes I do. But please, please, please Ellen don’t repeat the experience we had when you guest judged on SYTYCD. I don’t want to see a comedy routine every week on AI. Love ya. Mean it.

Then the auditions began and honestly the only thing that kept me interested was Simon. To even think about his biting wit leaving the program, only to be overtaken by Kara (because you KNOW she’s going to want that seat as soon as he’s gone), is just too hard of a thought to bear. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to watch once he’s gone because he’s the only opinion that matters (and he knows it).

There were one or two auditions that were interesting: the girl with the autistic brothers, and the angry guy who was frustrated at having to wait so many hours to audition (he was our favourite of the night because he totally pissed off Kara which was delicious, and then Simon wound up liking the guy in the end, and we did too – you know he liked him because he pissed off Kara…)

Anyway – the whole thing was just one big “meh”. I didn’t feel it. Posh Spice offered nothing to the process, and frankly neither did Kara but I wasn’t expecting her to. Randy Dawg Jackson did the same thing he does every season, “I kinda like you, but I am going to say it in such a way that it sounds like I’m begrudgingly saying it until Simon says he likes you then I will really genuinely like you.”

If it’s going to be like this I need to see more stories of tragedy before I will care. I felt this way last season during the auditions too – they fell completely flat for me and I considered not watching the season. But of course I did, and it was awesome (if only because Adam Lambert stole the season).

So…here’s to the season premier of American Idol. May Kara be forbidden to co-write the finale song, and may Victoria Beckham go back to guest judging Project Runway where telling someone that they look nice actually means something on the show.

*** Facebookers: it makes me happy when you leave comments on my posts, but it makes me happier when you make them on the blog itself vs. on Facebook. You want to make me happy don’t you?

*** Kindlers: I love you and think of you often. Thanks for subscribing, and I hope you like American Idol because it’s about to get AI in here.

I felt like a Podling today, or perhaps Kira the Gelfling. I stared into the eyes of the nurse (instead of into the reflection from the Dark Crystal) and felt my vital essence draining out of my body.

Thankfully it wasn’t being drained so some evil Skeksis could drink it, but it was being drained for more mundane matters of testing blood sugar and lipids. Today I began my path to greatness, er, healthness.

We have a program that allows you to get a free wellness check, blood work, and then meetings with health coaches to allow you to get back on the right path for your own personal health initiatives. And what better time to do it than at the beginning of the year. While most people make their 1-month New Year’s Resolutions to get back to the gym, I’m doing something more productive. I’m giving up the vital fluids in my body for the cause.

I actually had to take a Xanax before I could do it this morning. I am beyond terrified, nay mortified of needles, and even more so of having blood removed from my body. I do realize, having formerly been a biology major, that my body will simply make more (or just release from spleen storage), but it doesn’t matter. It freaks me out in a way that can only be matched by hanging, nay, dangling 50 feet in the air on a ski lift.

I also have a problem with having my blood pressure and pulse taken. I find it completely unnecessary for them to squeeze my arm until it turns blue just to see how fast my heart is beating – surely they are cutting off the blood supply to my arm and it’s going to fall off. Then they push down on my wrist to feel my pulse. I’m positive that at any moment my arm will be dead and have to be amputated.

Sometimes David teases me by touching me on my inner wrist. It’s one of the easiest ways to send me into a panic. Likewise I can’t stand things that are tight around my neck – with only one exception being a winter scarf. Anything else sends my blood pressure up (which just makes the situation worse), and causes me to flush and get flop sweat. Yes, men can get flop sweat too.

So today I braved the 30 seconds that seemed like 15 minutes of sitting in a sterile chair in the nurse’s office and having vials of blood removed. I don’t even know how much they took because I refused to watch. All the deep breathing in the world couldn’t help me as I writhed at the stinging sensation of the needle draining away my life force.

And then I went back to my cube.

At least if I had been a Podling or a Gelfling I could have gone on to work in a majestic place like the Dark Crystal. Instead…grey cube walls, grey desktop, and blue and grey carpeting. I think I got the short end of the stick.

It’s amazing what some people will put themselves into.

Medics at Southampton General Hospital struggled to get the man’s penis out of the stainless steel pipe, because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become erect.
Instead, they resorted called in Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service.
The fire crew turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary’s station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help, in what a spokesman understatedly described as a ‘delicate operation’.
The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man’s penis.
The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day. [Full Article]

First…I think we can all be glad and breathe a sign of relief that his penis emerged unharmed.

Second…I think we need to question why a 40 year old man is sticking his member into a steel pipe.

Third…I think we need to ask ourselves, just how big was that steel pipe? Just for curiosity sake.

Fourth and finally…I think most men who read the article will ignore 90% of it and focus in on one and only one thing. Consider how they anesthetized his penis. That’s right, a big long needle. You winced just now didn’t you?

I was incredibly bored on the flight home last night – mostly because I was trying NOT to go to sleep (so I could sleep well once I got home), and because my phone battery was draining and so I couldn’t just play Bejeweled 2 for five hours.

And so what do you do on a long airline flight? That’s right, you browse the SkyMall catalogue. You know you do it. You don’t actually ORDER anything from it…EVER…but you sure do browse it and think to yourself “gosh I could really use an authentic Star Wars Toaster Oven with certificate of authenticity”…

You know you do.

Anyway, what to my wondering eyes did appear but shoes!

And not just any shoes, but gravity defying shoes!

Take a look…

Now you might be wondering to yourself, “I wonder what is so interesting about these shoes that Heath would take the time to get out his non-approved electronic device and take a picture of this page?”

Let me help you with the answer to that, by showing you another, close-up picture of the shoes that you can purchase and own and wear, direct from the SkyMall catalogue.

That’s right people.

Their logo is a sperm.

Many, MANY years ago, In Living Color was one of my favourite shows to watch. This was a delightful alternative to SNL, and was the precursor for things like MadTV and the like.

Here, courtesy of hulu.com, is my favourite clip from the entire series of the show…Lashawn the Museum Guide.

What’s your favourite memory from this groundbreaking show?

My dad recently had a hospital stay to get a pacemaker installed. He’s fine (hi Dad!), so this post isn’t about him, it’s about hospital food.

I don’t make a habit of being in the hospital, but I have been to one a number of times in my life. This is, however, the first time I’ve been to a hospital that provides room service.

And I don’t just mean Jello, applesauce, and ginger-ale…I’m talking about an entire menu of items to order for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. I’m sure that everything ordered will quickly show up on the bill, but let me tell you what I was able to get for $6.

First off, the menu is extensive – more extensive that many restaurants I’ve been to. You can order breakfast items, lunch/dinner, heart healthy options, and even some pretty tasty sounding/looking desserts.

If you’re a patient, the world is your oyster at the touch of a button – and if you’re a guest, it just takes a walk down to the cafeteria for purchase a voucher for $6, which then allows you to order anything you want from the patient room.

In one hour or less someone shows up, knocks on the door, and says – you got it…”Room Service!” It’s like being in a hotel full of sick people! (seriously – the woman in the room across from my dad had the most disgusting consistent cough I have EVER heard in my life)

Anyway…so I had some delicious grilled chicken fajitas with all the trimmings; dad had kabobs, french toast, sorbets, and all sorts of delicious yumminess. Frankly he ate better at the hospital than he does at home (read: Bojangles).

Take a look at the menu (click the images and they will open in larger format) – I bet some of you are going to invent an ailment just so you can experience this cuisine.

I think the next series of Hell’s Kitchen – the winner gets a job as head chef at a hospital.

I’m glad you’re OK dad…

I have to say, and therefore shall say, that I have nothing but disdain for 2009 and I’m glad that it’s gone. I hope the Langoliers tear it to shreds, leaving nothing to even remember it by.

Ok so there were SOME positives in 2009, namely a new president…but it was still a year that I would prefer to remember unfondly and move on.

Here were some of the major events in our lives…what were yours?

• January: David spent the New Year’s weekend cleaning out the server room at work, and then we had brunch at Roxy.
• February: We had our second Wine Party, had an incredible Valentine’s dinner at Tuli Bistro, and I had an x-ray on my right knee.
• March: I got my teeth cleaned, I had an MRI on my right knee, I got new glasses, and I was on-air quite a bit at KVIE.
• April: Again I was on-air for KVIE, we took a delightful trip to the air/space museum which featured a lunar exhibit sponsored by Intel (and others), and we spent time with our friends Bob & Stephen who were visiting from NY.
• May: I had arthroscopy on my right knee to remove cartilage that was floating around (they also discovered a fatty tumor), we attended the Star Trek premier as well which was much needed I think.
• June: Siobhan went into heart failure and had to go on medication twice daily and our entire schedule/world shifted. Michael Jackson died.
• July: Siobhan died on the 23rd. Sweet Kisses was published.
• August: We had our 6 year anniversary and David had his 41st birthday, we had the front yard redone, and over 300 hours of volunteer work culminated in a very successful KVIE Art Auction.
• September: I had my teeth cleaned again, and we went to the state fair, I also surprised my parents with a trip home (they also celebrated their 37th wedding anniversary, and I had a birthday).
• October: I spent most of October doing on-air work at KVIE, and we had our annual Haunt.
• November: NaNoWriMo consumed most of the month, also had time for a day trip to Tahoe with Kathy Cushion, we went to see the War of the Worlds stage play in Nevada City, and we went to see Cirque du Soleil’s new show Ovo in SFO.
• December: Both of my parents had birthdays, we had a very casual non-party holiday gathering at home, and I did a little writing retreat out on the Delta King in Old Sacramento, plus I had a small spot removed from my nose for biopsy.

It doesn’t sound all that bad, but it was completely overshadowed by the death of Siobhan. I think the easiest way to ruin a year is to lose a child…

So here’s looking for a better 2010, and let’s see how it has started off…

• Bombing in Pakistan
• Mudslide in Brazil
• Health coverage still not passed
• Two more ships seized by Pirates off Somalia
• A local synagogue was vandalized
• Someone stole an entire ATM from a local hospital
• Rush Limbaugh was released from the hospital
• and a Degas painting was stoled from an exhibit in Marseille

Well…we’re off to a great start aren’t we…

Whew!

We’re finally done with all those pesky holidays, and now we can get on with our lives. No more buying presents, wrapping them in secret, hiding them under a paganly decorated tree… No more prepping for parties, spending crazy amounts of money on eggnog ingredients, honey baked hams, and mulling spices…

And no more cheery people walking around wishing you happy and merry and joyous things. Finally we can get back to our normal bitter selves who don’t care a lick about anyone else but ourselves .

It’s amazing how quickly it all passes. Christmas decorations and goodies are on the shelves before Halloween is over. We sort of just skip over Thanksgiving except for all the two for one turkey deals at the grocery store – but even those are just prepping you for Christmas dinner.

Now we’re on to what next…Valentine’s Day? Yeah – I’ve already seen bags of chocolate easter eggs in the store. I mean seriously…there should just be a “holiday” aisle in every store and you walk from one end to the other passing through every possible holiday there is in the year.

To your left you can pick up some chocolates in a box shaped like a heart, then reach to your right and grab an Easter basket filled with plastic grass. Take another step forward and get some fireworks for the 4th of July, and don’t forget to pick up some President’s Day / Columbus Day / MLKJ Day / and all the other days goodies on the other side of the aisle. Near the end of the aisle you’ll find the pilgrim costumes next to the…well, pilgrim costumes, and then of course tree skirts.

It could work actually. You could get an entire year of holiday shopping done on one aisle. Imagine an IKEA Holiday Aisle. It would be, hands down, the busiest aisle in the entire complex. You’d have to bring your entire family, each of them pushing a cart.

It’s sad really. Just when we thought we were coming down from a triptophan high we are off to the next big thing. No wonder people don’t care about holidays any more, there are too many of them. There should be one big holiday right in the middle of the year – everyone gets a week off of work, all around the planet, and we celebrate every single possible holiday right then and there. Fireworks, parties, drinking and dancing in the streets, music and merriment, all around the world on the same day.

Dangit! I’m talking about New Years without even realizing it! Didn’t we just finish Christmas???

I am pleased to share that Heath sings the 12 Days of Christmas has finally come to a close. There is only one more video in the series, and I hope you enjoy it while you are drinking eggnog and eating delicious food with friends and family.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone!

The 12 Days of Christmas:

Click here to view the embedded video.

We’re so close I bet you can taste it.

Last night we went out with Brandon and David to see some delightful copyright violations, er, Christmas lights. This neighbourhood went all out this year, and although we were chastised for parking along the street that everyone was driving / walking on, we did manage to have a delightful time seeing these delightful displays.

All in all it was the most delightful time of the year…and here’s the video to prove it:

Click here to view the embedded video.

I apologize for this one…apparently I was confused.

Mary had a Little Manger…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Wine was DEFINITELY involved in the making of this one…

Joy to the Wine…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I’ll warn you…alcohol MAY have been involved in the making of this video.

Chestnuts…they are roasting.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Aren’t you glad there are only a few more days of this left?

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree…

Click here to view the embedded video.

We had a very casual holiday party tonight and everyone got in on the fun (because I forced them too), so here I present a holiday classic…

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer…

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It’s December 18, and you know what that means…

Let’s go on a Sleigh Ride…

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Moving on…

Jingle Bells. I apologize in advance.

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One of the most joyful songs of the holiday season is Deck the Halls. This song really deserves to be sung from on-high, with merriment and boysterousness in your voice.

Unfortunately, you’re not going to get that this year. This was recorded in the bathroom.

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