Heart and Desire

A gift horse

2011-04-21T20:47:31-07:00

I lost my best partner last night. Gordon was my jumper, bought in 2001. He was imported from Ireland as an eventer but an injury changed his career - also his attitude. His previous owner said Gordon just wasn't "interested" in eventing. So I got him! Gordon may not have loved eventing, but he loved to jump and run - this horse had "a motor" for sure! He also loved to be in charge! Which is why Gordon is the horse who brought me back to Parelli.

I was "leading" him from my house to my training barn, but was actually being dragged, bullied and stepped on. The assistant trainer came over and said, "You need to do this!" and she wiggled my leadrope and backed him up! I said, "Hey, that's Parelli!" My (now-ex) husband had introduced me to Parelli, but I didn't see the connection for show jumping, so hadn't progressed with it. Now, suddenly, I saw an urgent need. I signed up to audit a clinic, and found myself at Tour Stop the next month and at the Parelli Study Center in Colorado about six months later. I'm not sure what level we would be at today if I had been able to continue with him - but we had achieved the "old" level two before he was diagnosed with cancer and were well into Level 3 with bridleless lead changes, bareback and brideless jumping and more.

The cancer was sneaky - but quickly grew into a huge, inoperable tumor - although he was still able to walk, trot and canter easily enough for us to pass our L2 assessment. Within a year, however, the tumor doubled in size. I realized that I needed to do whatever I could to make what time he had left comfortable. My son offered to drive from Pennsylvania (all the way to California!) to pick him up so he could live on 30 beautiful acres with other horses. This is where he lived the last year and a half. He was as giddy as a horse could be. Up until the day before he died. The cancer finally took over other organs, we suspect - he had a severe heart murmur as well - but colic is what finally gave him the way out.

My son held him in his arms, our friend Maddrey stroked and cooed to him as the vet administered the final injection. My son told me that a gust of wind blew up suddenly and just as suddenly was gone, as though taking Gordon's spirit with it.

Through my sadness, I tried to focus on all the wonderful memories that I had because of this amazing horse. I remembered all the days we had walked together from my house to the training barn where I rode - I made a point as often as I could to stop and let him just eat grass (if there was any) while I draped myself on his neck. I knew then that my days with him were somehow going to be shorter than I wanted. I let him choose the way and pace home some days and what could have been a four-minute walk became 40 minutes as he stopped and sniffed and wandered - the two of us together.

But the real reason for this post is I wanted to thank him for all the gifts he gave me. I realized today that my partnership with Gordon was honestly the first time I had experienced true partnership - where both sides hold up their own weight, watching out for one another, working together for a common success. Gordon would sometimes even take up my weight when I was weak or tired or frustrated - he would effectively say, "Hey, I've got it, just hold on" as he launched over a large oxer. And I would do my best to carry him when I could - keeping my energy calm, my leadership strong so he felt safe, and getting the best training I could with Parelli's help. Gordon gave me the gift of confidence - I became a better rider with his help. He gave me joy - together we could burn up a jumper course! He gave me excuses to have experiences such as traveling to Colorado, riding in the mountains on trails that didn't really exist but he could blaze with his massive feet. He gave me a place to bury my face when I needed to cry my heart out as I lost my father and my marriage in six short months. He gave me pride, because, man, we were cool together. People would see us at shows or events and say, "Wow, that's a gorgeous horse." He was gorgeous... and I took the credit! ha!

He taught me to study more, work harder so that I was worthy of him, be more patient because manners were important to him and he was easily offended! And when he became sick, he gave my son the opportunity to be my hero by making that long drive back and forth to help his mom feel like she was doing right by her horse, her partner.

So hug your horse today. Take that extra moment to luxuriate in the beauty of your amazing partner. Breathe in their scent. And notice all the gifts these wondrous creatures give us.

I will post here the toast my son offered up this morning.

To Gordon:

May neighbours respect you,

Trouble neglect you,

The angels protect you,

And heaven accept you.

Rest in Peace, Gordon.

Thank you for reading.

2011-01-14T07:50:18-08:00

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Thanks!

Just 'cause it's different, don't make it wrong

2010-12-30T12:53:06-08:00

Well, I went all quiet again, but wanted to adhere to my father's lesson - if I didn't have something good to say, I shouldn't say anything.

Then I went to visit my son and learned a great lesson that I'd like to share as my Last Post of 2010.

A little backstory is required: I'm Vegan (I only eat plants, no animals, no animal by-products like eggs or dairy); my son is very much a carnivore, to the point of raising, slaughtering, dressing and butchering animals & poultry himself. This resulted in a lot of discussion between us as to our respective choices. His ideas and my ideas are both very different. But his methods, oddly, fall in line with my ideas of trying to avoid cruelty. He cares for his animals with great affection (he helped create an articulated splint for an injured turkey for example); his slaughter methods are as humane and dignified as could be imagined; he honors and thanks the animal for feeding him. The chickens, turkeys, ducks and guinea hens run free across the yard and are lovingly put into cozy coops every night. He bottle-fed a rescued bull calf (that is currently feeding a small family for the year). So basically his animals have fabulous lives until they die; although they die early...

Oh, goodness, what could this possibly have to do with horsemanship? Well, in our discussion, we got to that - because we pretty much ALWAYS get to horse talk.

There is a notion among many horse lovers that there is a hard-core absolute right way and absolute wrong way to do things. And as Pat Parelli reminds us, that "right way" changes every 50 miles. But very often "our way is the right way" and we're pretty adamant about it.

But the lesson I learned from my son is that just because it's different doesn't make it wrong. Just because he chooses to eat meat and I don't, doesn't make either of us wrong.

Now, there IS plenty of stuff that's clearly wrong: cruelty, losing your temper with your horse, abuse like starvation, abandonment and more. (I happen to think allowing a horse to have dangerous ground manners is abuse).

I chatted with a Clinician at an event one year who told me that he absolutely thought what Pat Parelli teaches was just dead wrong. He disagreed with "every word." I was curious to learn what he thought was right, so I made a point to watch his presentation about developing a ranch horse. Afterwards, I mentioned that he'd done quite a nice job and, "Oh, by the way, you didn't say one word that Pat Parelli would have disagreed with. You just said it differently than he does."

So observing other horsemanship techniques and taking a moment to consider what could be learned from it is not such a bad idea. And perhaps the Dressage riders, the Western riders and the Natural Horsemanship riders will all stop fussing so much about "what's wrong" about what the other folks are doing, and focus on the things that work, that are good for our horses.

Have a happy new year and thanks for spending a minute with me.

Secretariat and Temple Grandin

2010-10-08T14:58:42-07:00

Two topics in this post - first, I promised that I would reveal what Dr. Temple Grandin shared with me about why she believes horses buck at the canter when first saddled. This is a long one, so apologies in advance. I'll try to make it worth your time.

If you have read "Animals Make Us Human" it will be much more clear. Also, if you read my interview with Dr. Grandin in the Parelli Savvy Times - in both of those places, Dr. Grandin describes what she and most animals experience with new stimuli - either situations, experiences, visual elements, anything sensory and new - they create a unique "file" like on your computer, that she describes as a "sensory picture." And every experience goes into a unique "sensory picture file" - only when there are enough similar sensory pictures does a horse begin to generalize them into another "file" which is also assigned a heading of either "Safe" or "Might Kill You."

Does that make sense so far? If not, get her book - she goes into more detail.

Now think about putting the saddle pad on your horse. That's a unique sensory picture. It's not a bad one, so he doesn't react much. Then your horse goes from walking to trotting and the sensation of the saddle pad changes. A new sensory picture. Then you introduce the saddle - while the horse is standing still - completely unique feeling, completely unique sensory picture. Then you walk the horse around a little in the saddle - new sensory picture. Still it's not so bad, because we're just walking. Then a little trot - new sensory picture - and sometimes you'll see signs of concern here - VERY VERY subtle signs. A lot of transitions between walk and trot and halt will help these sensory pictures begin to generalize in the horse's mind more quickly. As Pat & Linda say, quoting Walter Zetll, "A THOUSAND transitions." But most people don't do those 1,000 transitions. Most people go from standing to walk to trot to hurry up, go canter - and that's when they get the buck. So the horse gets a series of unique sensory pictures, each more frightening than the last - each one has more constriction of his ability to take flight as the saddle goes from being extra weight to tight at the chest to interfering with his shoulder (with most people's saddle placement). By this time he's ready to canter and get the heck out from under this thing that's on his back, and realizes that he can't get out from under it, he's trapped and he panics. And bucking is the only reasonable option - Get! This! Off! My! Back!

What does Dr. Grandin recommend? First, 1,000 transitions. Halt, walk, trot, walk, halt, trot, halt, walk - for as long as you can - making sure that you include DWELL in this mix. Remember how important of a reward it is to just stand with your horse and give him a scratch. Take the saddle on and off and on and off and on and off - again keeping breaks and dwell time and a good scratch or a treat in the mix. The goal is to recreate the sensory picture as many times as possible so that the horse begins to generalize and create the "safe" file regarding being saddled and wearing a saddle and moving in a saddle. Then (and this is the funny part, to me) she said, "Get yourself a saddle that you don't care one bit about" - this is in case he bucks or rolls or does whatever, it won't matter to you. Put it on and just leave it on while he moves around. Use your transitions again - but more quickly (but without YOU hurrying up your energy - ask more OFTEN, not FASTER) ask for walk, then trot, then halt, then trot, then two steps of canter, then walk, then two steps of canter, then trot, back up, stand, and so on. Again, the goal is to create as MANY of those unique sensory pictures - saddle on his back at the canter - making sure that the pictures INCLUDE coming back down calmly to a slower gait and being rewarded - include taking the saddle OFF as often as you can stand it in this series. He'll get a file full of positive sensory pictures that include saddle, canter, staying calm, and getting relief and be able to generalize them more quickly than if you were to stick a saddle on him and simply let him 'buck it out.'

That's her theory. I think it's amazing.

Now for a little bit about Disney's "Secretariat" - I was able to see a special preview screening of the film and loved it in the moment. But I'm a writer and we writers like to mull. What I came to was this - the film really should be called, "Penny Tweedy." Now obviously, I’m a sucker for any movie about horses. And “Secretariat” more than satisfies my horse-loving spirit – although it is every bit the Disney style that you would expect, uplifting, lightly comic, with not one element of surprise. Still, it succeeds both in spite of and because of that cinemagraphic, formulaic beauty. The racing footage is gorgeous, exciting and suspenseful, even though we know the outcome – like a great roller-coaster ride, we want the experience again. I must admit that I was fully present in the ‘70s during Secretariat’s reign and I recall this ‘super horse’ and his amazing wins. How could you miss his multiple magazine covers at the time (Time, Sports Illustrated, Newsweek)? But the story of his owner, Penny Tweedy (Chenery) is really the focus of this version of the story – elegantly portrayed by Diane Lane, who is gorgeous every moment. Penny begins the film as a Denver housewife, deftly handling her family’s demands in teased coif and great wardrobe. When her father’s breeding business falls into her hands, she picks up the reins and lucks into possession of the uber-horse that she calls “Big Red” via a coin toss (great scene, by the way). She is a force of nature herself as she manages Red’s future – directing the trainer (played for comedy by John Malkovich), his race schedule, even connecting with him on a more psychic level when he’s ‘off his feed.’ The actual Belmont win is worth watching on YouTube if you’ve never seen a horse win by an unprecedented and unmatched 31 lengths. The unfortunate realities of the time are skimmed over lightly – the Vietnam war, Nixon’s tragic administration, women and minorities were still kept ‘in their place’ – after all, it’s Disney. Plus there are inaccuracies that only horse lovers will notice and be annoyed with as Disney attempts to please a larger audience. I will also gently ignore the anachronistic errors in favor of the greater good. I do question the need for Sham’s trainer, Pancho Martin (Secretariat’s archrival) to be portrayed as an arrogant braggart, but Disney does need its villains.

Bottom line: I’m happy that this amazing horse (sire of 653, with 57 Stakes Winners) is remembered and honored. And I hope this film can come from the back of the pack, where Secretariat liked to hang out, and surge to victory in its DVD sales so that the studios will be encouraged to make more films about the great horses in our lives.

Special thanks to Ken Dobbs for the rodeo photo!

Knitting socks and horsemanship... no, really.

2010-09-02T15:28:01-07:00

very now and then I have to ask you to just bear with me on a thought. I hope I've earned your trust, because I'm going to ask you to do it again - which you probably anticipated once you read the title of this post.

Knitting socks and horsemanship? "Oh, goodness, what IS she thinking?" raced through your mind, right?

First - here are my socks. And yes, I knit them.

They're hardly perfect. But they're warm and cozy.

I've never knit socks before. It always seemed just a bit beyond my skills - like by miles... Hundreds of scarves and extremely simple knit caps are easy and fun for me. So I knit them - over and over. Everyone I love has received a scarf or hat from me over the years. I whip them out every winter. I feel great as I bind off the last row of stitches every time.

But my knitting never improves. My skill has never developed beyond what it was when I was ten. My fear of the Dreaded Knit Sock remained perfectly intact.

So as I found myself in the fabric/craft store for a simple sewing project, I noticed a rack of beautiful sock yarn. The yarn was gorgeous, fine and called to me. Beside it (perfect merchandising, my compliments) was a collection of inexpensive books and the title "EASY KNIT SOCKS!" caught my eye.

My first thought was, "oh, well, maybe I can make a hat with this yarn..." But my second thought was "Don't practice what you're good at. Practice what you're BAD at."

Yes, the voice of Pat Parelli rang in my ears, even at JoAnn's Fabric Store.

"Practice what you're bad at."

Print that out and nail it up at your barn.

Because guess what happens when you practice what you're bad at? Yep. You get good at it. Your skills increase and improve. Your imagination has more room to wander because you've just handed it a new toy, a new tool. Your horse becomes engaged in a new way because you've surprised him with the unexpected.

You begin to think, "Hmm, canter pirouette? Not impossible!" And you get good!

And... then you find something new and different that you're bad at. Only this time when you notice the 'something new you're bad at' you can think, "Ah-Ha! I know how to take care of you!"

Meanwhile, if you'd like to read an incredible book - seriously great - which comes with the recommendation of Dr. Temple Grandin, who called me after she read it to say, "I loved this book and could not put it down" - and also the disclaimer that it was written by a dear friend of mine and if you purchase it through this Amazon link, I will possibly make a tiny tiny percentage of the sale price to support this blog (not sure if I've done the link right is why I'm not sure if I'll get anything...but you'll get something from the book, so I'm excited about that part)

ANYWAY - here's the best book you'll ever read if you love dogs. And if you don't love dogs and read this book anyway, you WILL love dogs by the time you're finished. If you have a friend who recently lost a beloved canine, this is a fabulous spirit-lifting gift of comfort.

Plus, Congratulations to Dr. Temple Grandin and all of those folks associated with the HBO movie based on her early years & career for their MULTIPLE EMMY Awards! If you haven't seen the film, "Temple Grandin" starring Clare Danes, it is amazing. Temple was especially pleased because it depicts her thought processes in a way that she felt was genuinely accurate, plus they used her original drawings. (if you don't know her, I'm shocked, since I mention her work all the time, but there is a video here. Dr. Grandin is a designer of humane animal handling systems, professor at Colorado State University and is also autistic, and author of multiple fabulous books about animal behaviour. My personal favorite is "Animals in Translation" but her newest "Animals Make Us Human" is awesome and I always recommend it) Temple said, "Clare Danes became me at that age. It was amazing to see." Check it out while you are on Amazon getting "A Dog's Purpose."

Next post: I'll tell you what Dr. Grandin believes is the reason many horses buck at the canter when they are first saddled.

Being Wrong can be So Right

2010-07-26T09:30:25-07:00

You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.

~Wm. Blake (1757-1827)

Written over 200 years ago, this simple idea remains true. If you're not familiar with William Blake, he was a poet, an artist, published amazing illustrated poems (his work is to the right) and he was generally considered during his life to be a madman for his idiosyncratic views.

What I love about this quote is Blake tells us that doing "more than enough," i.e. Doing Too Much, is the direct path to discovery of "Just Enough." Taking the risk to be wrong by doing too much is the way to discover what's right.

How often do we do Too Little with our horsemanship and remain ineffective because we are afraid of briefly being wrong? Take a risk today - the risk of Being Wrong - and notice what your horse tells you, and HOW he tells you, when you've done Too Little, Too Much or Just Enough.

Find that precise point with your horse where, like Pat Parelli says, you are "as gentle as you CAN be, but as firm as necessary," by testing how gentle and how firm is "More Than Enough."

What if?...

2010-07-17T10:36:50-07:00

hat if today you went to your horse and greeted him as preparation for putting on his halter?

And what if you put on his halter as preparation for flexing him a bit?

And what if you flexed him as preparation for backing him out of the stall or gate, as preparation for moving his hindquarters, as preparation for moving his forehand, as preparation for sending him around you to the left as the trot, as preparation for moving him up to a canter, as preparation for asking him to halt, as preparation for cantering again, as preparation for bringing him in to you, as preparation for spending a moment together to dwell, as preparation for sending him back out in the other direction at the canter, as preparation for asking him to walk, as preparation for moving the circling game across the arena, as preparation for bringing him to you, as preparation for sending him sideways, as preparation for backing him up, as preparation for sending him over a little log, as preparation for sending him back over the log, as preparation for about five minutes of 'stick to me' at the walk, trot and canter, as preparation for sending him to touch his nose on that little branch over there, as preparation for spending two minutes just standing together, as preparation for sending him to the saddle and bridle, as preparation for saddling him up, as preparation for going out for a ride.

What would that be like for your horse?...

By the way, I have had people ask how they could help support this little blog. Here's one way: if you love to read books, go to the website (www.heartanddesire.com) and you'll see a link to Amazon.com. Buy your books, or anything that Amazon sells, by going through this link, and I get a tiny percentage of your purchase. And I'll say thank you about 8,000 times. I have other ways you can help without it costing you an extra penny, too, but this seemed pushy enough.

For this Exercise you will need a can of soup...

2010-07-08T20:16:44-07:00

Just go with me on this. Trust me.

It'll be fun. Really. I promise.

Get a can of soup - the size of the can doesn't really matter and it also doesn't really matter if it's soup. A can of beans, corn, peas, carrots, chili - just something with some heft to it.

Set it on the counter in front of you. Give it a good look and then pick it up. And put it back down again. Easy. Simple. Pick it up, put it down, nothing to it.

[If you think you should read through this whole post, get to the concept and then try the exercise later: DON'T! Stop reading now and go get a can and pick it up. Then come back and read the next step, which is:]

Pick it up again. But WAIT - this time, before you pick it up, think about HOW you're going to pick it up. Think about how you're going to put it down again before you pick it up. Think about what it's going to feel like to pick it up. Now. Tense the muscles in your arm as though the can is going to weight 20 pounds/kilos but it's also very fragile - too much pressure and you could crush the can - Now make your move. As you life the can, notice everything about the act of picking it up. What effect does it have on your muscles as your hand tightens on the can and you begin to lift it? And lift it as sloooowwwly as you can. See if it can take you 30 seconds to actually lift the can 6 inches above the counter. How much control do you have over the energy you're putting into lifting it? Notice the difference in how you use your muscles when you move this slowly. Do you remember your plan for setting it back down again? Okay, good, put that plan into action - set it back down. Slowly.

Wow, that was a huge difference right? Between just picking up the can of soup and picking up a can of soup. There was a difference in your energy, effort, focus, intent, process and plan.

So here's my question: how do you pick up your reins?

The Power of the Pen.. or WTD

2010-06-30T12:43:59-07:00

had a lot of time to contemplate recently as I painted three rooms (including ceiling, trim, doors... I'm whupped). I thought about how much effort I put into NOT doing the things that I really wanted to do. (Sound Effect of screeching tires) What? Yes, that's right. I have a litany of excuses - some generous types might call them legitimate reasons, but really, they're excuses. I have to work, I have to clean, I have to... have to... have to... have to.

But what was I doing about want to? How much care and attention was I putting into organizing myself so that I could get the Very Important Things done versus how little effort was going toward accomplishing my Greater Goals? Like writing this blog, for one thing! I couldn't possibly write, I had to clean the kitchen! I had to clean the barn. I had to do laundry. Blah blah - excuses.

If you're a long-time reader of mine, you know I always yammer about Keeping A Journal about your Horsemanship Journey. Pat Parelli requires it of his University Students.

But even I need to be nudged about my own advice - and I was reminded today by another writer whose work I follow that there is real power in Writing Things Down. (here's his post about it, but I'm adding my own opinion here)

First, when you Write Things Down (WTD) it causes Your Body as well as Your Mind to commit to the thought - and when I say WTD, I mean pick up a real pen and a piece of paper and write it out in longhand (I recommend a nice sketchbook or journal so you keep your thoughts in one place). Your muscles 'remember' the act of writing. Your brain has to process the idea at a slower rate. You can hold it in your hand, touch it, save it, commit to it.

Next, you have to focus for the minute it takes to WTD. What exactly do you want to say? How do you want to say it? What word is exactly the right word to activate you?

I use writing often to figure out what the heck I want/think/feel about something already.

So how powerful would it be to use WTD to make sure that I pay attention to my Greater Goals?

Do you have a written list of what you want to accomplish this year - not with work or 'responsible' things, but with your joys, your passions, your horses? Share it in the comments!

Itty Bitty Baby Steps

2010-06-01T14:49:22-07:00

I got an e-mail response to my last post asking for some ideas for working in small spaces. So here's a challenge - and don't think because you've got 20 acres that you get a pass - TRY IT!

Pat Parelli always says, "Exaggerate to teach, refine as you go along." But I think a lot of us get stuck in the habit of exaggerating - being bigger, faster, stronger than we need to be. We bypass the tiniest Phase 1 and go right to Phase 3 before we know we've done it. Even if we do start with a Phase 1, do we continually work on getting a lighter Phase 1? Well, if YOU do, you're a better man than I!

Let's start with what we want the OUTCOME to be: for your horse to shift his weight at the mere ENERGY of your intent. Kinda like how one horse can get another horse to skeeeedaddle just by moving an ear...

To help you remember the process, just think ANSWER.

ASK your horse to move one foot - and it helps to have a marker to aim for (a cone, a rope on the ground, even a piece of poo!).

NOTICE how much energy you're using, notice your focus, your body position, notice every detail you can about how you asked.

SCORE yourself on each of these details. Let's say 10 means as light or right as you can be. Was your energy level a 6, was your focus a 10 or a 5? Remember, anything you can measure, you can improve.

WRITE down your score. This is important - don't just mentally score yourself, because you'll want to do this over the course of several days and you will want to see where you started and how much effort (or how little!) it took to get to success.

EXPECT a lot, accept a little and reward often as you...

REPEAT the process, becoming more subtle, using longer phases and lighter cues, until your horse will shift his weight with just the energy of your intent.

You can work on this for 10 minutes a day - you're already out there to feed or pick feet. By the end of a week, my bet is that you'll be amazed with what you've done together.

For some other ideas check out my Ten Minute Tips that will give your horse 60 HOURS of training at the end of a year, with just 10 minutes a day.

Meanwhile, did you get the latest copy of the Savvy Times? Be sure to read my article "I Got... NO Rhythm" and then check out the fabulous video that David Lichman created to help me!