hastlin' der hasser

pool surprise

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 16:08:00 +0000

last nights dream had me trying to go to the restroom on a toilet in a pool full of people playing water polo. awkward. how would that work? a toilet in the pool.

love

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 16:04:00 +0000

love. what is it good for? absolutely nothing. it's good for making one think they are special and awesome and beautiful and smart...only to have those things smashed to pieces when it's over. Why do the things that make love end pop up so abruptly? Why is it always so ugly?

Love is good for making one ask questions that seem to have no answer. There is no point anyway. Once it's over it is over. It should be over. You can do better. I've heard that before. All that time wasted. That's the infuriating part. We should've cut to the chase. Don't try to make it work. Work is work. I wasn't being paid.

dream

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:49:00 +0000

frustrating dreams have got me to thinking about my past. more specifically my first love, my first kiss...steven. we're back in school. all the old roommates are there. i see him in a room with half the roomies. i go to the other room. i had just gotten back from delivering some pizza to some girl who knew who i was. apparently i had been there the night before and had dropped money there. i did not remember her. so i get back to the apartment and i see him and i get angry. i remember that he left, that he broke it off with me. the others are also being short with him so he decides to leave. we go downstairs together because i have to go back to get my car to deliver more pizzas. once downstairs it seems like we're in new york. we both stand in the taxi line. we are both going to central station so we decide to share a taxi. once in line he begins to open up to me. he says something about his mother. he begins to cry. i try to kiss him and i drink his tears. we hug. we're somewhere else now. i tell him i loved him since i first met him..he tells me he loves me too. then i say the cliche, "you don't have to say it just because i say it," line.

weird weird weird. sometimes i hate dreams....oh well, time to get ready for work. good news, finally got a new acoustic. now i have to practice. get my fingers used to the pain.

the pain.....

so many things to do, so many thoughts going through my head. wish i had complete alone time. need to clean my room to get creative yet again.

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:50:00 +0000

so it appears that I have smoked tobacco yet again. I found a broken cigarette in a box long forgotten in the center console in the truck. score, i thought to myself instantaneously, then i cringed at myself. no, i will not smoke this, i told myself. of course i did. i did other things tonight like bitch at JJ at the grocery store. I am at home now so obviously the evening did not go well.

The beginning of the day set the tone for what was to follow. I distinctly remember telling him last night about a job interview at 10am that would interfere with our previous plans of walking at 9am. I asked if we could walk afterwards? he said yes. this morning i call him after my interview which lasted about 14 minutes to see if he was ready for the walk. he has plans. wuuuuut? he says can he call me back? yes. he does and says, "okay, i blew off my plans, now we can go." "What plans?" I ask. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

This is the thing. I would love to be with someone who remembers things. Someone who is able to see that not showering for almost 4 or 5 days and not having a problem with that is not a good thing, necessarily. Also, can I please be made a priority? I do all the driving, I used to buy boatloads of things before I saw that I have less than 70 dollars in my bank account. No matter what I did in the past, I will never get anything back from it. I know you're not supposed to do things for your gain, or to benefit, but i guess i thought i could. I thought i would really like that. I can't get that from this one.

more to come later

yummmm

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 21:33:00 +0000

This nicorette gum is so tasty. If I keep saying that, will it become true? Well, maybe in my head it will. So I'm giving up the cigs again. They taste nasty, they're too expensive, and most importantly, my mother will return this Thursday and I had already quit back in April. No back-sliding around the momma-love. At least I'm killing two birds with one stone with the nicorette. Now I don't have to spend three bucks on two packs of gum. I have a whole box of delicious nicorette.

I know I should be cleaning like a mad-woman right about now but my legs won't have it. Earlier today after my most fascinating job interview for a pizza place, JJ, his dogs and I went for a walk along the Bosque. I got in my 11000 steps so that's good but now my legs are sore.

I will not buy cigarettes!
I will not buy cigarettes!

If I can stick to it, I think this may be the best time for me to really hunker down and get fit, lose some pounds, not be so fucking down on myself for all my rolls and bumps and dips. I am eating salads now as a rule of thumb before each meal or as a meal, except for breakfast of course. The egg will never be replaced. Man, I keep rationalizing my procrastination. One more episode of MadMen then it's off to clean the bathroom.

here we go again

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 01:31:00 +0000

so here i am waiting for jj to get home. he went to a funeral rosary. his place is a sanctuary for friends who like to make messes and get fucked up. too much testosterone for my liking. wish jj and i could have a nice peaceful time together. wont happen. too many people. we did take a nice long walk by the river with the dogs this morning though. made my 12000 steps. have to try to lose 5 -10 lbs by august 1st. been unemployed two years now. i need a job already. the end more later.

the past is like a slap in the face and i feel like i need a cold shower

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 03:47:00 +0000

so many old ghosts that come back to haunt me. so many times i thought he knew. he didn't and now i'm listening to a song by a band he recommended. i miss the music exchanges we had. i miss looking at his bony ass and wanting to bone him. maybe if i had the balls back then he could have broken my heart in person. maybe if i didn't have those two screwdrivers i wouldn't even be this affected. i did talk to him on aim after all. that's enough to bring back all the old feelings.

come on dance with me.

i had a pretty awesome while my friend was in town. kissed so many boys...made such a fool of myself. we were those girls. will this ever end?

ps. i should get over the coffee shop guy but now it just seems like i love to torture myself. piss or get off the pot right? wrong...sit there as long as it takes, just as long as the pain of legs that have fallen asleep and are tingling don't bother you too much.

je suis bone

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:40:00 +0000

yes...i am bone. this is what happens when i get a good night's sleep. i say i am bone. finally got in some good hours. my chest is not feeling as congested.

last time i was in mexico i think i fell in love with this one kid. this morning my cuz tells me he's on messenger and i should chat with him. how i would love to but what's the point. that would be like staring at a really bomb ass hamburger i can't eat even though i'm really hungry. and he's got a kid now. good for him.

what's up with people? that one dude i used to hang out with for a while is back to professing his love for his ex. when he hung out he said she was crazy. i guess everyone is addicted to something. that fool needs to be in "love." well, good for him too i guess....

the end. i don't need to hear anything else about love today. except how i would love to go razzle dazzle...

if i had my way

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:42:00 +0000

i would listen to my peter paul and mary records and i would also make all these children dissapear. since returning from my cousins friends party i have not had adequate rest. i want to sleep. i would enjoy some silence. the end.

i have to go to sleep

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:01:00 +0000

lik3e rihgt about now....muy xuz just turned off the tv....htat is the sign for pleaesssssss go t slep...................and i will.....good nigh y'alls...just ahve to maek sur the beer is gone...its gone.

i will shortly go to sleep

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 06:46:00 +0000

i have made mqanyh promises about bein at this baptism in the morning,,,,,i can do it. f only i g to sleep nw}ow....give it about twentyu minutes and i'll be alsep,. fo realsz....ies....i promis. two more gmaes aand one moer cigarette...

honey i want you sooo bad

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 06:31:00 +0000

i'm listenign to bboby do while grandma is beign all awke in th keitchen....she need to go the fuck asleep. ofr reals....go to sleep.....i want you.

by cousin is sick i fear i am takinin advantage of this. he wants tpo sñee´´-. bit o dpmt wamt to sleep yet. please go to sleep.

passing out

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 06:18:00 +0000

my cousin is about to pass the fuck out. oh to be young again...

my throat tastes like

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:39:00 +0000

a night of cocaine

devil got my woman

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:33:00 +0000

the original

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:07:00 +0000

so now i'm listening to white stripes singing Jolene. at this moment i'm feeling like my fave bands are

white stripes
peter paul and mary
bob dylan
mates of state
belle and sebastian
the shins

i want to be in a folk/rock band...

i need to learn how to play an instrument..fur realzies

i love this

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:50:00 +0000

folk=awesome

this is how i feel right now

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:31:00 +0000

thank you bobby d

I may be drunk but

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:40:00 +0000

I'm totally digging these blogs:

molls.tumblr.com
and her husbands's blog
kindafabulous.tumblr.com

reunited and it feels

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:18:00 +0000

sooooo good. i shouldn't be this excited about drinking beer again but i am. all that is missing is my cousin. dentist said my tooth extraction site is healing nicely. i'll go in this saturday to begin taking impressions for the crowns. sunday i have a baptism to go to. i'm hoping that it's off the chain and that there be at least one cute single dude there that i can talk to. i love beer. anywho, so i was thinking that i'm a total hedonist. regardless of where i am i try to do everything that i want to do. example: razzle-dazzle. doesn't matter where i am, i usually get it. today i ended my antibiotics so i can finally have a beer. it's been two weeks since i've had a beer. luckily i have another caguama in the fridge.

i'm remembering back to the wedding. a white girl asked me how to use a tortilla. that was fun.

anywho....i plan on drinking the other forty and probably razzling in the restroom in a little bit. the end.

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:36:00 +0000

so i realized that i no longer smile as much as i used to. i want to feel sad about this. i should just smile instead.

mmm...what a dream

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:58:00 +0000

there's a gorgeous man in my room changing. he's completely butt naked. i tell him, "don't worry. i can't see your dick, i'm only checking out your ass. hurry up before i do something to you." so he gets some pants on, still shirtless and he turns to me. he still hasn't zipped up so i check out his crotch. huge bulge. then he tells me he wishes i would do something. so i do. we make out for a bit. not the best kissing but whatev. have i mentioned he had beatiful curly hair.
so we're going to a party. he's ready now i just have to finish getting ready. i choose a dress that he can look down with facility. what else happens. i take too long getting ready. i can't find my keys. i take another set. forget to close the inner wooden door and i can't unlock the metal door to close it. we leave. we go to this party where the old latino crew is at. i have mixed feelings about this. i see fatima and for some reason i'm being bitchy. she was super excited to see me and i was just blaze. that made her mad. it may be because we never talk anymore.....anywhozle. i forget what happens next but i remember that i'm about to get it on with this hot guy when....i wake up. why? because granny decides to start filing her fucking nails. it's 7 am granny. i may just be having a sex dream. arghhh...so frustrating. oh wells. i started my period. may be why i'm so fucking horny. the end.

lazy sunday

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:13:00 +0000

i wish i could fast forward time. i say this because then my tooth will have healed and i could smoke a cig. the first time i quit smoking i did it when i got another tooth taken out. the thought of not smoking depresses me. i went through this the first time as well. i know i can quit and it's for the best but i don't want to. like i said i'd like to fast forward to when i can smoke. i need to buy razzle dazzle. a beer would be nice as well. damn you anitibiotics.

anywho, i made pancakes today. they're really good. they have bananas, walnuts and raisins. i accompanied them with eggs and bacon.

today at 6:30pm will be the three day mark, for the teeth. two more days and i can smoke. damn you dry socket threat.

i took a really nice crap today. the end.

so stoked

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 19:37:00 +0000

so i've had this song in my head for years and today i've tracked it down.

Onomatopoeia by Fishboy on their record Zipbangboom...

go me...go google.

i love my mom

noreply@blogger.com (der hasser) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:10:00 +0000

we just finished talking for an hour. i told her to come visit me in mexico already. that got a good laugh. i wish i could go visit her/go home already. i do miss new mexico. i wish my teeth were fixed already. it may just be that i'm alone with granny in the house right now. my aunt left to visit her daughter for a week. my uncle and cousin are working. i just got a tooth extracted so i can't smoke, i can't drink....i may go crazy. damn mosquitos keep biting me. my cousin had a mosquito bite her and now she has the dengue or something like that. i have no clue what's going on over here. okay...time to eat breakfast. i wish i could blast my jams but of course this old lady is praying for the umpteenth time, in the living room. i bet if i go to the room, she'll find her way over there. i'll just have to take that chance.