HamidRizvi.com

Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:50:00 +0000

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

-- Christian D. Larsen

Which Social Network is the Most Generous?

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Tue, 12 May 2009 01:24:00 +0000

"Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Digg and Twitter are often compared in terms of features, but which one has the most generous users?"

The post from Mashable.com continues below, but I just wanted to say a couple of things. I think this is a great idea. I know there are a few faults with the measuring system and we cannot rely solely on this to give us an accurate representation of users, however there are other lessons to be learned.

For one, the fact that they have almost raised $835 in a short period of time relying solely on social media speaks volumes about the potential in this environment. We need to keep working on such projects so that we can find a more efficient and effective way to raise funds.

Secondly, this might also help us analyze trends and maybe even create social media outlets focused on socially motivated individuals. For example, think along the lines of "Facebook for people interested in promoting education - EduBook?, Twitter for the Go Green movement, etc. Although the current platforms reach a wider audience and are great for spreading awareness, creating specific social outlets (if they don't exist already) might help bring specific people together. If your argument is "just create a group of facebook", think about the fact that facebook wouldn't have existed if that same mentality existed with everyone considering MySpace was already out there.

The Mashable.com post:

That’s the gauntlet laid down by the Altruism Challenge, a site that aims to raise money for the World Partnership Walk, Canada’s “largest annual event dedicated to increasing awareness and raising funds to fight global poverty”. Canadian Nadir Ebrahim wrote to us explaining the site’s aim: to raise $10,000 from social media users. Additionally, the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) will match the funds raised dollar for dollar.

At the moment, Facebook is the most altruistic network by far, with Twitter second and Diggin last place. Which social media site will you be donating on behalf of?

http://mashable.com/2009/05/10/altruism-challenge/

To donate or view current stats, visit http://www.altruismchallenge.com/

Dan Gilbert: How we are deceived by our own miscalculations of the future

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:31:00 +0000

A long video - but definitely a must see.

“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.” - Ayn Rand

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:26:00 +0000

While doing my undergrad in business, a concept that they dug into our minds was that every business needs to have strategic objectives, the accomplishment of which would help them fulfill their mission and then their vision. However, one important underlying factor that could change the result regardless of the clarity of the SOs, Mission or Vision, was the value system embedded in an organizations culture. Being an accounting major, I categorized this as "fluff" a.k.a concepts that are a waste of time to read.

But looking back at it now from a different perspective, I think it deserves a close second look. As a person, what is your vision? What is your mission? What strategic objectives do you have to meet in order to get there? Most importantly, what are your underlying values?

Although all of them are important, I think the most important thing us to do is understand what our underlying values are - what type of guiding principles do we live by. They could be anything - honesty, integrity, not talking about other people when they are not there, doing things for others without expecting returns, helping others, handling a conflict in a mature way, patience, etc.

I know these might sound like "fluff" to some of you, but think about it...how often do you actually live by these? Sure we can say we do, but do you believe it? Don't judge yourself on a good day, judge yourself on the worst day. The day when everything is going wrong for you, the day when you are really upset or angry, at that point in time, do you follow these values that you consider to be important? Or are these days allowed to be different - I mean, if I cant practice my own values the day I need them most, then is there really a point of having them. If I don't, I just end up being a hypocrite.

While reading this, if you were thinking about anyone other than yourself, then you have just proven to yourself that your values are weak. Its a basic underlying principle of life, judge yourself before judging others. Forget about others and try to understand what type of person YOU really are, because until you figure out who you are and what guides you, you are just going to end up looking like another random person with nothing to make themselves stand out, not even as a person of character.

The Paradox of Our Time

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:20:00 +0000

Often credited to George Carlin, this message was in fact written by Dr. Moorehead - minister, author and former pastor.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less
and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer,
to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember,
to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all
mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak
and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 20:58:00 +0000

Earlier this year, I talked about my perspective on luck. You can read it here.

Here's the conclusion I reached last time.

"Essentially what I am trying to say is that its very rare that things happen to you that are out of your control. The word "luck" is thrown around way too much nowadays. The next time you call someone lucky, go up to and ask them if they really think they are lucky, or did they do something to deserve it."

Apparently, now there is scientific proof for it.

How to Get Lucky
Scientific proof that you make your own breaks.
By Richard Wiseman

For centuries, people have recognized the power of luck and have done whatever they could to try seizing it. Take knocking on wood, thought to date back to pagan rituals aimed at eliciting help from powerful tree gods. We still do it today, though few, if any, of us worship tree gods. So why do we pass this and other superstitions down from generation to generation? The answer lies in the power of luck.

Live a Charmed Life
To investigate scientifically why some people are consistently lucky and others aren't, I advertised in national periodicals for volunteers of both varieties. Four hundred men and women from all walks of life -- ages 18 to 84 -- responded.

Over a ten-year period, I interviewed these volunteers, asked them to complete diaries, personality questionnaires and IQ tests, and invited them to my laboratory for experiments. Lucky people, I found, get that way via some basic principles -- seizing chance opportunities; creating self-fulfilling prophecies through positive expectations; and adopting a resilient attitude that turns bad luck around.

Open Your Mind
Consider chance opportunities: Lucky people regularly have them; unlucky people don't. To determine why, I gave lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to tell me how many photos were inside. On average, unlucky people spent about two minutes on this exercise; lucky people spent seconds. Why? Because on the paper's second page -- in big type -- was the message "Stop counting: There are 43 photographs in this newspaper." Lucky people tended to spot the message. Unlucky ones didn't. I put a second one halfway through the paper: "Stop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250." Again, the unlucky people missed it.

The lesson: Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they're too busy looking for something else. Lucky people see what is there rather than just what they're looking for.

This is only part of the story. Many of my lucky participants tried hard to add variety to their lives. Before making important decisions, one altered his route to work. Another described a way of meeting people. He noticed that at parties he usually talked to the same type of person. To change this, he thought of a color and then spoke only to guests wearing that color -- women in red, say, or men in black.

Does this technique work? Well, imagine living in the center of an apple orchard. Each day you must collect a basket of apples. At first, it won't matter where you look. The entire orchard will have apples. Gradually, it becomes harder to find apples in places you've visited before. If you go to new parts of the orchard each time, the odds of finding apples will increase dramatically. It is exactly the same with luck.

Relish the Upside
Another important principle revolved around the way in which lucky and unlucky people deal with misfortune. Imagine representing your country in the Olympics. You compete, do well, and win a bronze medal. Now imagine a second Olympics. This time you do even better and win a silver medal. How happy do you think you'd feel? Most of us think we'd be happier after winning the silver medal.

But research suggests athletes who win bronze medals are actually happier. This is because silver medalists think that if they'd performed slightly better, they might have won a gold medal. In contrast, bronze medalists focus on how if they'd performed slightly worse, they wouldn't have won anything. Psychologists call this ability to imagine what might have happened, rather than what actually happened, "counter-factual" thinking.

To find out if lucky people use counter-factual thinking to ease the impact of misfortune, I asked my subjects to imagine being in a bank. Suddenly, an armed robber enters and fires a shot that hits them in the arms. Unlucky people tended to say this would be their bad luck to be in the bank during the robbery. Lucky people said it could have been worse: "You could have been shot in the head." This kind of thinking makes people feel better about themselves, keeps expectations high, and increases the likelihood of continuing to live a lucky life.

Learn to Be Lucky
Finally, I created a series of experiments examining whether thought and behavior can enhance good fortune.

First came one-on-one meetings, during which participants completed questionnaires that measured their luck and their satisfaction with six key areas of their lives. I then outlined the main principles of luck, and described techniques designed to help participants react like lucky people. For instance, they were taught how to be more open to opportunities around them, how to break routines, and how to deal with bad luck by imagining things being worse. They were asked to carry out specific exercises for a month and then report back to me.

The results were dramatic: 80 percent were happier and more satisfied with their lives -- and luckier. One unlucky subject said that after adjusting her attitude -- expecting good fortune, not dwelling on the negative -- her bad luck had vanished. One day, she went shopping and found a dress she liked. But she didn't buy it, and when she returned to the store in a week, it was gone. Instead of slinking away disappointed, she looked around and found a better dress -- for less. Events like this made her a much happier person.

Her experience shows how thoughts and behavior affect the good and bad fortune we encounter. It proves that the most elusive of holy grails -- an effective way of taking advantage of the power of luck -- is available to us all.

Source

"Determine that if people do you good, you will do good to them; and if they oppress you, you will not oppress them"

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 22:32:00 +0000

Often times we go through these phases, where we decide we are going to become better people. We'll be nicer, more caring, go out of our way for others, etc. We come to a decision as to what actions of ours we have to change or improve. We believe that by conducting these actions towards others, we will truly be able to express the genuinely nice people we are on the inside.

In my opinion, that is not enough. In fact, that is only half the battle - if not less.

What you are, how people define you - is largely based on 2 variables:
1) What you do to others - your actions
2) What you do based on what others do to you - your reactions

We all know this, but how often do we really act on it.

These are two aspects to your personality that occur simultaneously. The better they are balanced, the better you are improving yourself. Otherwise, you are all over the place. Being good at one and not the other creates this inbalance that becomes apparent and results in you not being considered either. In fact, I largely stand by the fact that point number 2 makes up a larger portion of your personality as it is the harder one to work on.

I stand by the fact that the easiest thing in the world is to do good to people who do good to you. The question is - how do you treat people who do bad to you. Keep in mind that there are always people you might consider "neutral", but in my eyes they are still considered good, because if someone is not going out of their way to do something good for you, but they are doing nothing to harm you either, they are still good people.

Think of it this way. You are someone who always goes out of the way for others, does things that most people won't even think of doing. However, at times you are upset,you do the same - but in the opposite direction.

Or, you are someone who does NOT go out of their way for others all the time - maybe once in a while. However, if you are upset, you are controlled and calm to large extent.

Which one of the above 2 personalities do you prefer.

In an ideal world you would be a person who does good to others no matter what they do to you, but knowing how our mind works - I think that is hard to do, although not impossible. What IS possible though is for you to do good to others, but be calm and collected at times when you are upset.

The fact of whether you need to go out of your way to help others, and when I think its appropriate will be discussed in a later post.

Till then - take care and wish me luck.

"If we don't do the right thing, we'll do the wrong thing. We'll be part of the disease and not part of the cure."

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 19:54:00 +0000

I haven't had time to update my blog in a really long time, but I came across this quote that I felt I had to share.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, & self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."
- Mother Teresa

5 life lessons learnt on the public transit

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Tue, 27 May 2008 21:48:00 +0000

Whether you are sitting in a bus, subway or train, there are so many things going around you that you can learn from. We see all sorts of people, nice, not so nice, happy, sad...sometimes even scary - each living life how they think is right. Remember my post on learning from other people's experiences? This is my take on what we can learn while commuting on the public transit.

1) Stop staring, its rude - Very simple concept - don't spend too much time thinking about it. Remember that time when you looked up and that guy/girl was staring at you? At first you felt a little flattered, you might have even blushed. But what happened after he/she didn't stop staring, especially if the person was of the same sex - and frankly, quite "scary looking"? Yeah, that's what people think when you do the same.

2) People who are good from their heart, prove it on public transit - Remember that family function where you were getting all comfortable in a couch when someone a lot older than you walked in? Yeah, you had to get up. Some of us get up because we believe its the right thing to do, others get up so they can give the people around them a good impression and some even do it so the person they are getting up for remembers them as a good person - refer to this post. So, when you see someone getting up for someone on the subway, remember this - they will probably never see the person they are getting up for, or the people around them ever again. There is still a small chance that they are doing it to give a good impression, but most likely they are doing it out of niceness. Verbally or mentally - acknowledge this niceness.

3) Focus on your destination, not on others - you could miss your stop - Ever get caught up in someone else's conversation so much that you almost missed your stop? That's what life is like all the time. Wondering about what other people think of you, what they talk about or what is going on in their personal life will only distract you from the more important issues. Be conscious of your surroundings and what you have to do in order to get where you want to go.

4) Stop dabbling around for no reason, you could catch a disease - You know that railing you touched at the subway station the other day? Yeah, millions of other people touched it too - most of them probably didn't wash their hands. Don't get your hands into everyone's business. The more you meddle in other people's personal business, the more likely you are to create problems in your relationship with them. Lend a helping hand when required, just don't go in there uninvited.

5) The further you are ahead of the pack, the more people there are to push you to your death - So you are standing right by the yellow line at the exact spot where the train door will open. Only problem is that there are hundreds of people behind you and even a slight push before the train arrives could turn out to be pretty nasty. Does this mean that you shouldn't stand there at all? No, just be aware of your surroundings. Just like everything in life, the further you get, the more the people behind you are willing to pull you back or push you off track. Stand your ground, know where you are going and be aware of your surroundings. Never get caught off guard.

5 things I wish I knew in high school

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Mon, 26 May 2008 17:47:00 +0000

Now that I have completed my undergraduate degree, I have had the time to look back and assess the route I took and how it affected me. Some of these I followed to some extent, but if I could go back I would definitely follow these lessons 100%.

1. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will make you stronger - When called a nerd in grade 9 and 10, I had the tendency to take it in a negative sense. If I could go back, I would definitely want to look at it in a different way. Not along the lines of "Damn right son, I'm smarter than yo ass", but rather realize that what other people say to you has no impact on who you actually are. Now that I look back, I think all that name calling made me stronger emotionally and gave me the capability to almost be immune to what others say about me. Sure, I didn't like it when I was younger, but now I'm so glad I was put through it because the lessons I learned in the process cannot be learned easily by any other method.

2. Being "cool" in high school is over rated - So while in grade 11 and 12 I tried really hard to be cool, in my experience, the majority of "cool" people turned out not-so-cool and the majority of "nerds" turned out to be the cool kids. The "nerds" ended up in good schools, graduated with good jobs and ended up with all the better girls as they wanted someone serious in life. Once again, there are several exceptions to this rule, but I'm talking about the majority from my experience.

3. Effort is extremely important - So many times in high school I did not feel like putting in effort just because I did not like something. So many times I didn't study as hard as I could because I thought I'd get an A anyway. Now that I look back, it was probably one of the more stupid decisions I had taken. During university and work you will realize that there are always things you have to do that you do not like. You will also realize that there are many people putting in average effort. In order to succeed or improve yourself, you have
to put in that extra effort no matter how much you dislike the act. That habit of mine to procrastinate and avoid effort when I deemed it to be unnecessary ended up being one of my biggest obstacles once I entered my undergrad.

4. Day turns into night, you can change too - If I could put my personality now side by side with my personality eight years ago, or even four years ago, I would say there was a huge difference. No matter how hard we think change is, we all know that it is possible. Just because you think you do not like something, does not mean you never will. Just look into it a bit more and you will be surprised by how different your opinion might be after. No matter what you are like currently, you can turn out to be something very different. 6-7 years ago if you said I had to talk to just one person face-to-face, I would come up with hundreds of excuses to avoid the topic. Then I somehow ended up in sales and then part of various presentation teams. I thought it was my personality to be shy - boy was I wrong. The point is, don't think what you are now is what you are going to be even 2-3 years down the road. Do not write off a career path or make choices based on your personality right away. Do not think your life has ever reached a plateau, there is always room for change and you can always do it. See my posts on change here and here.

5. High school is a lot more important than you think - So many of us write off high school as just a part of life that is meant to have fun. Yeah, we are supposed to have fun - but at the same time it serves as a foundation for us to build off. Think about it, your marks and activities in high school determine what university/college you get in to, which in turn determines what kind of job you get or what post-graduate school you get into, which in turn determines your future. Sure, you can do "ok" in high school and just work harder in your undergrad, but working harder in high school just makes it so much easier for your future. High school is a time where not only we determine in our future in terms of career, it has the ability to shape our personality and the way we think. So if you are in high school right now, start paying more attention to potential lessons you come across. If you are in the same boat as I am, then try to look back and see what you would have changed if you could go back - now implement those changes in your life today.

Step 1 - Realization

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:09:00 +0000

In my last post I talked about utilizing potential and how many of us fail to do so. However, before we even start thinking about whether we are utilizing it fully or not, we have to ask ourselves if we have received that initial "push" already and did we utilize that properly. I used an example of a roller coaster last time so I will stick with the same scenario. For a roller coaster to gain speed, it has to be dropped from a height. Our life though is not downhill, rather uphill, so essentially we need a "push" that changes our idle position to a running one.

All of us have had several "pushes" in our life, but most of us fail to realize their significance and stop after a couple of steps.

Think of all the events in your life that should have served as motivation.

Your parents encouraging you as a child
Your teachers acknowledging every small achievement through public school
Your personal desire to be successful in life
Your grades in high school (whether good or bad)
Your acceptance/rejection to your university/college of choice
The realization that you are getting older and have more responsibility
The realization that the life you had lived was a result of your parents hard work and the times had changed. Now it was your duty to take care of them as they grew older
The realization that you need to start a family, have kids and you want to provide them with an ideal life

These are all topics that came into my head right now, and I KNOW there are a lot more. In fact, we probably come across one of these factors everyday. The earlier you realize their importance and act on them, the faster you will reach your destination and most likely in a easier way as well.

The issue is not that we do not have such factors in life. You do not have to suffer tremendously in order to get that "push". Its just a matter of when you realize you need to change.

Utilizing "potential"

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:10:00 +0000

We've often heard people referring to someone else as "one with a lot of potential". We hear it so often that we have almost lost the importance behind it. We're quick to use it on others, but rarely do we sit back and assess where we are and where we need to be.

Rarely do we think of our own potential and even more rarely do we do something about it.

Imagine a roller coaster getting pulled up and resting at its highest point before the drop. While sitting there, it has no energy, but there it has the potential to generate a lot of energy once it is given a slight push - potential energy.

Now imagine the roller coaster during the drop, the potential energy it had while sitting has changed to kinetic energy - energy which it possesses due to its motion.

Picture your life as an inverted roller coaster, i.e. an upward slope. You are standing at the bottom of this slope which has "success" at the top. Unlike the roller coaster, you do not have belts and machinery to move you upwards. You know you can climb it, you know you have the potential. You just need that extra push to start.

Once you start running up that hill, you can either get tired and slow down; or you can get energized by picturing yourself getting closer to your goal. This motivation and desire to reach that goal creates this energy in you that pushes you to go further, somewhat of an adrenaline rush - kinetic energy. You know you've felt it. Those days when you are "on a roll" or when everything is "working out", you know you feel a lot more energized and willing to move forward. Just imagine living each and every single day like that.

We all know that this slope to "success" is a long and steep one, but how many of us are actually utilizing our potential? How many of us have already received that push we needed to start? How many of us have generated some sort of energy or momentum within us to keep pushing us forward? Are you generating more than you used to? If you have, is it enough? In fact, ask yourself this - what is enough?

Let me know what you think.

Criticism - pointing out effects rather than focusing on the cause

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:15:00 +0000

You knew it, I know it - I used to be, and possibly still am, one of the most critical people you personally know. I always felt that if I knew I was doing something right and I saw someone doing it wrong, I had the right to "help" them by pointing out their mistakes. My intentions were to help the other person overcome "faults" that I had previously possessed or saw other people with. I was doing it for their betterment - not for any personal satisfaction. I didn't think I was better than them, or judging them as someone who was doing wrong in their life. I wanted to help.

Now I realize that I was wrong. Not because I wasn't keeping their feelings into account or because I came off as a proud idiot. I was wrong for discouraging what they did wrong, rather than encouraging what they did right.

I was pointing out the effects of their decisions rather than helping them find the cause on their own. I was assuming they had led the same life as me and teaching them my lessons, rather than helping them learn on their own.

Let me give a simple example. Let's say a close friend of yours, X, goes to university with you. Their marks are not as strong as yours because they end up wasting most of their time with video games. So now I can deal with this in essentially 3 ways:

A) I can ignore the situation and hope they learn on their own - essentially, I am stepping back and watching them make a mistake without saying anything

B) I can confront them about their video game problem - my intentions are to help them and they should realize that. If they are a close friend of mine, I should be direct because I know them. I should tell them they need to stop playing so many games and focus their time on their school work.

C) I can not say anything about the video games and start helping them with school work. I can encourage them when they get good marks and I can help promote the importance of education. Once a person starts receiving encouragement, its human nature to think about what they did. Once they realize on their own that education is important, they themselves will cut down on their video game time without you having to say a word about it directly.

As you can see, in scenario 3, instead of focusing our efforts on what they were doing wrong, we helped them realize why it was wrong. They were able to learn the lesson on their own rather than us preaching it to them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to not say anything when we see someone doing something wrong. I'm saying that we should change our focus on how we can help them realize it without pointing it out directly and without being overly intrusive.

The example I gave was pretty simple, but I think it is something we come across often. There are many times we are quick to find faults, but rarely do we stop and encourage what is right.

The topic of who are we really to judge what is right and wrong will be saved for a future post.

Great expectations lead to great disappointments - Part II

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:50:00 +0000

In Part I of this topic I talked about having expectations from people. Just because someone is your good friend does not mean you should expect anything from them. I know it sounds harsh and unrealistic, but it is the best way to avoid conflict and at the same time enjoy positive moments the most. Having expectations and then watching them not live up to how you wanted only leads to disappointment. Therefore it is best to keep doing what you think is right and leave the other person's actions up to them.

Now what about other forms of expectations?

Overall I think expectations can be broken down into 4 types - expectations from others, expectations from life, expectations as they relate to religion and expectations from ourselves. The first one I talked about in my last post.

A) Expectations from life - An example would be you studying really hard for an exam and expecting an A

B) Expectations as they relate to religion - You do something your religion asks you to do to make God happy and to reap its rewards. However, the 2 types of expectations might not be different from many people. If you do follow some sort of religion, your expectation from life is directly related to your faith. So if you study hard for an exam, you expect God to reward your hard work by giving you an A

C) Expectations from ourselves - E.g. You expect yourself to study 5 hours for a certain exam because you know it is the right thing to do.

So should we not keep such expectations as well? A big difference between the first 3 expectations and expectations from ourselves is the fact that the latter are based solely on your actions.

When you do something for others and expect them to do something in return, you are giving them control of the outcome, which is out of your control. Everyone else is human, they might make mistakes, they might forget, they might not see the situation the same way you do - therefore to expect them to act the same way you would will not only lead to disappointment for you, it is unfair to them. As mentioned before, the next time they do something nice for you, your excitement level is not as high as it can be because you already expected it - once again, you are being unfair.

When talking about expectations from life, you are still expecting to get back something from another party. If you do study hard, you know you might get an A, but it depends on the exam, the prof, the marker, the bell curve, etc. What you will receive in return is based on how the world views how much you put into it.

When talking about expectations from religion, we are dealing with "someone" - God - who we all strongly believe is fair. Therefore, no matter what the outcome of your actions, you know it is exactly what you deserve, whether you like it or not. Therefore, believing that he does have the best judgment possible, it is extremely hard for us to determine how he views our life. So putting ourselves in his shoes and saying that "yeah, I deserve this" is improper on many levels. Secondly, I once heard that excellence in religion is not about making it to heaven, it is about making heaven want you. So once again, our actions should not be taken so we can get heaven as a reward, rather, we follow what we are asked to do because it is the right thing to do.

The last type of expectations are the ones we have from ourselves. These are what we expect ourselves to do. If we see someone in need of help, we expect ourselves to help. If we see 2 parties in conflict, me expect ourselves to help resolve it. We expect ourselves to follow our religion. We expect ourselves to do well in school. We expect ourselves to accomplish our goals. These expectations can lead to disappointment as well, but these disappointments are different. These disappointments if looked at the right way don't hold us back, rather they motivate us to push ourselves more. We should have such expectations, because they are based solely on our actions. We know how we think, we know how we act - therefore we know exactly what to expect from ourselves.

In my opinion, we should only have expectations from ourselves. Having expectations from other parties is useless because they are not under our control. We know ourselves well and we know what we are capable of. Having expectations is just another way to set goals for ourselves.

Treat others the way you expect yourself to treat them. Work as hard in life as you expect yourself to work. I guarantee that you will find life to a be a lot more fulfilling.

Great expectations lead to great disappointments - Part I

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 06:01:00 +0000

My father always told me never to keep expectations from anyone - because they only lead to disappointment. I always disagreed with him because in my eyes, if I cared about someone, or did a lot for someone, I did expect something from them to some degree. I expected them to be there for me when I needed help, I expected people to treat me similarly to how I treated them and I expected people to put in as much effort into the relationship, whether friends or family, as I put into it.

What I found out over time was that my father was right all along.

Before you start thinking I've gone through some emotional turmoil in my life that has led me to believe that relationships are worthless, let me explain myself.

Let me give you four situations:

A) I expect you to buy me something for my birthday and you buy it for me - I'm happy, but I expected it - even if it was to a small degree. So that level of expectation leads to my excitement level falling - even if its very slight.

B) I expect you to buy me something for my birthday and you don't - I'm really upset. You let me down. I expected you to do something and you didn't. Maybe I can understand why you didn't, but either way, my first reaction was disappointment.

C) I did not expect you to buy me anything for my birthday, but you did - I'm ecstatic. It means so much more just because I did not have any expectations.

D) I did not expect you to buy me anything for my birthday, and you didn't - I couldn't care less - life is going just how I had thought it would

So we can see, that when there were no expectations in the picture, the result was better in either scenario. I was happier than how I would have been with expectations in both cases.

I hear often that with all relationships come expectations. There are somethings you want the other person to do for whatever reason. But wouldn't it just be better if there were none?

Not having expectations does not mean I have given up hope in other people or I am sad by any means. It does not mean that I have to suppress my inner feelings or pretend like I don't care. It does not mean that I have to turn my self away from the world.

It means that I still have to treat everyone else to the best of my ability - I just do not want anything in return. If you do decide to give back, great - thank you very much. If you don't, thats fine - I'm sure you had your reasons.

Relating this back to my previous post of "are you kind because that is who you truly are, or are you kind so people look at you that way". If you are kind because that is who you truly are, you won't really care of how people treat you or what you get back - you just keep doing what you do best, and that is to make sure you treat everyone to the best of your ability.

Personally, I find it hard to fight the part of me that develops expectations from people - but I realize it is something I have/want to do.

Hypocritical in using the word hypocrite

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 06:35:00 +0000

Think about the amount of times we call someone a hypocrite. We are basically telling the other person that they do not practice what they preach. They are just pretending to be something they are not. Sure, there are many times we can justify the use of the word, especially if the other person openly and fluently practices the opposite of what he preaches.

But what about the people we call hypocrites because of their past actions?

Have you recently tried changing some habit or character of yours? Something that you realized you were doing wrong and it was time to improve yourself. Then you realize that even though you try hard, some people are just not willing to give you another chance. They say that because you have done something in the past, it is "unlikely" that you could change so much, so fast. They do not give credit to you when you do something right but quickly pounce on the opportunity to relate a current bad act to a past habit. They act as a deterrent to your progress.

Now the think about the times you have been on the other side. Think about the times when you called someone a hypocrite based on their past actions or a rare act. Were you not doing exactly what you hated when you were trying to change?

How do we believe we have the right to feel upset when someone doesn't give us a chance when we do exactly the same thing to others? What gives you the right to be a deterrent to someone else even though you despised every moment you had to face one.

Don't call people hypocrites based on their past unless you are willing to face the same fate. You become the problem, rather than the solution.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against calling another party a hypocrite, I'm against being hypocritical in the use of the word 'hypocrite'.

Responsibility of 2nd Generation immigrants

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:45:00 +0000

Even though it saddens me to think that over 300,000 Muslim families live in poverty, I am happy looking at the fact that at the Canadian average of 2 children per household, there are 600,000 potential young Muslims who will grow with the strong intentions of defeating poverty to become meaningful and contributing citizen in Canada. Or at least, that is the hope.

It is this exposure to different conditions, this experience of poverty or near poverty, that truly gives us the chance to learn what hard work is made of. Majority of immigrant parents move here with the intention of giving us, their children, a better chance. They want to give us access to better education, better facilities and a better way of life. They make sacrifices along the way, do jobs that they would not have dreamed of before, just to make sure our access to these facilities remains available. They sacrifice everything they have with the hope that we will make the most of it and become successful in the future.

But how many of us actually step-up and take this challenge. How many of us actually make their sacrifices worth it? How many of us sacrifice even close to what they sacrificed? The hope does not lie in moving to Canada and getting caught in poverty so future generations can survive off welfare checks and unemployment payments. Their hope lies in us becoming educated and giving our future families a better life.

The argument that people who have not got caught in the “system” can never realize how it feels does not work with me unfortunately. My siblings and I belong to a growing group of people that have already fought, or continue to fight out of such circumstances because we know it is the right thing to do for us, for our families, for this nation and to fight the weeds of negative stereotype that surround our rose of a religion.

A Lost Generation

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:04:00 +0000

Once you hit play, you have to watch the whole thing or you will lose out on the message.

Truly kind...or pretend kind?

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 05:36:00 +0000

There are many times that we can think of where we did something really nice for someone else. Something we would not expect others to do for us, yet we did it for someone else. Something we ourselves think of as "really nice", yet we do not see it around often.

But sometimes, we feel as if we are not getting it back in return. It feels like its a one way street and we are the only ones on it. That is when you have to stop and ask yourself this question.

Do we do things for others because that is who we truly are? Or we do them to get others to think of us as someone nice?

Are you really doing it for them? Do you actually wholeheartedly do good things every single time because that is who you truly are? If you are, then would you say that some of the nicest things you have done, have been repeated by you every time you faced a similar situation?

Are you thinking about what you are doing or are you thinking about what its consequences are going to be?

Are you doing it because its the right thing to do or are you doing it because people will see you as someone who does the right thing.

You might ask, what's the difference? In my opinion, its when we start thinking about what others think, the quality of our kindness goes down. It's not coming from our heart anymore and other people can usually detect this difference. Sometimes they might be assuming that you are doing it for selfish reasons, but over time your actions can fix that. When people start thinking you are doing it for selfish reasons, why do we get bothered when we were not doing it to impress them anyway? Isn't life about doing what you think is right and knowing that you are following that 100%

So what happens when people start accusing us of doing something bad but we were actually doing something good. We realize that if we were truly nice we would be doing it all the time. Somehow though, those people talking about us just saw us at a bad time. We were in the process of becoming nice, so we might have been doing unkind or neutral things as well. Our goal is to become nice, but people are not giving us a chance.

That's the moment that your drive should be even stronger. Not listening to them, we continue to do what is right because we know over time they will realize. Over time, not only will everyone else but them be thinking nice things of us, they will be talking about it and the message will spread. Our reputation will rise.

You can't seek reputation, you earn it.

Ironically, people with a good reputation in regards to kindness are usually people who worry about their rep the least.

Power of words - meaning vs. interpretation: Part I

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:56:00 +0000

This post is about my experience with being on the wrong side of some misinterpretation.

In October '06, the National Post published an article on a French philosophy teacher, Robert Redeker, who openly wrote an opinion piece insulting Islam and its Prophet. He received numerous death threats from radical Muslims and eventually went into hiding. The fact he wrote what he said bothered me to an extent, but what really bothered me was the fact that he called upon "moderate Muslims" to help support his cause and "support him".

In response, I wrote this letter to the National Post. My intention was to write a fairly liberal response that looked at both sides and came to a mutually beneficial conclusion.

What followed was beyond anything I had imagined.

The Hamilton Spectator (They do not have an archive of older articles, but it can be found here) accused me of trying to suppress our freedom of speech.

C-Square.blogspot.com had a nice little sarcastic post against my letter

Freerepublic.com found it "hard to believe how colossal an idiot" I was. The comments on the site are amazing. There are 117 comments though, so it might take you some time to go through all of them but it will be entertaining - I promise. My favourite one - "I LEARNED ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ISLAM ON 9/11!!!!!"

Tim Blair, an Australian journalist called me a "blackmailer". The comments on his page are priceless too. "Pretty clear proof that this guy has absolutely no understanding of what free speech (or democracy) means"

Smalldeadanimals.com and Dinocrat.com had some pleasant words for me as well.

Funny that not a single comment can be found for my letter against radical Islam.

Now that I look back, I can say that it was another learning experience about the power of misinterpretation. Lenient words can be taken to either extremes in the blink of an eye. Its fairly common knowledge that "its not what you say, its how you say it", but I think it goes further than that. What might be the right way of saying it in your mind doesn't necessarily mean its right for everyone else.

Its not all about what you say, its not all about how you say it; Its how you say what you say knowing who you say it to.

"Good things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle"

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:43:00 +0000

Someone on my MSN list had the above saying in their name and it got me thinking. It made sense, but something about it was off. Something was missing. The reason I think my mind was not accepting it completely was because it agreed so strongly with the first part that it was not willing to accept the second. There is no way that "hustling" beats "patience" when it comes to the more important things in life.

Then I realized there were so many things I disagreed with in that statement.

a) Most people are so busy with their regular hustle and busy lifestyle that they fail to stop and think about what is really important to them. Their constant hunger to strive for success - however they define it - gives them this false sense of thinking that a regular hustle is required. What they fail to see is that sometimes they are trying so hard to get ahead of the world that they just take whatever comes to them, justify it to themselves as "good" and keep moving; often in the wrong direction.

b) Things that should be valued most in life; religion, family, education, etc are not acquired by hustling. You do not get out in the world to find your spouse before someone else gets their hand on them. Rather, you do your part and then you wait till the right person comes along. When you strive for better education, you don't "hustle" to run ahead of the world, pushing others out of the way and leaving them behind - you work with others, learning from them, teaching them - and waiting patiently till you get what you deserve because at that point you value the education more than the reward.

c) Life is not about getting ahead and taking more for yourself and leaving the rest for the ones behind you. Life is about moving with others - possibly even ahead of others at times - just so you can share what you get with the ones behind you - to help them get where you are.

"Good things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle - because usually the ones hustling are looking for the wrong things"

“Compassion is the basis of all morality”

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 07:14:00 +0000

To be "compassionate" in my opinion is a very subjective thought. Every action taken by every man has a reason behind it and every action leads to its consequences. Once these results are not of one's liking, he looks for compassion from others in order to ease his own pain. Its a natural tendency of most human beings - to look for the support of others. But...what really is compassion? Is it helping him ease his pain, or is it pushing him forward before the pain holds him back?

Let's say for example you didn't do as well on a test as you expected. On leaving the class after getting your exam back and going to the people you care, what kind of compassion would you be looking for, if any. The "if any" part is an argument on its own that I might talk about at a later date.

Would you want these people to come hug you, console you, tell you its "ok", "you tried your best and that's what really matters" and "you'll do better next time? Or would you rather hear something concrete, unexpected, harsh - but something you know is the truth?

Personally, for a couple of years I led myself to failure after failure on the goals I had set for myself. Sometimes, I'd justify them to myself, and other times I knew no length of justification was enough. Then, I looked for compassion or sometimes, compassion looked for me. What I found was that everyone was very supportive of my effort and the "justifications" I had presented to myself. They did all this because their heart told them at this point in time, this is what I wanted to hear.

But somewhere along that path, I started using this compassion as added justification to my failures. Whether they were sincere with their advice, I can't judge, but I do know that I didn't follow up on most of it. Every time a new goal came in front of me, I already knew "I'm trying my best, so whatever I get is what I get". The funny part is, I wasn't trying my best. Why was everyone saying I was? I mean, even if I was lying in front of them to say that I was, why were they not correcting me? O yeah, they wanted to take care of my emotions.

Through time I realized what I was doing wrong and the change process began. Could this realization have come earlier? Or would it have been even later if I had not received any emotional compassion at all? I'm not sure, but I still wonder about what the outcome would have been if someone had smacked the truth in my face at an earlier time.

I realize that there's a time and place for everything. Maybe the harsh realities should come after the "calming down period". This period is so arbitrary though and when do you really know you are ready to accept the raw truth. So now I've become the sore thumb that during your time of compassionate need, will stick out the "harsh" realities and point out the "common sense". Not because I have fun doing so or because I think I've learned all of life's lessons. Deep in my heart, there's a very positive thought attached to it.

I do it because among the many who will be there to take care of your emotions, I want to be that one voice I wish I had heard.

Things I wish I'd known when I was younger

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:33:00 +0000

Things I wish I'd known when I was younger
by Zakir Hussain

Most people learn over time, but often learning comes too late to be fully useful. There are certainly many things that I know now that would have been extremely useful to me earlier in my life; things that could have saved me from many of the mistakes and hurts I suffered over the years—and most of those that I inflicted on others too.

I don’t buy the romantic notion that my life has been somehow richer or more interesting because of all the times I screwed up; nor that the mistakes were “put” there to help me learn. I made them myself—through ignorance, fear, and a dumb wish to have everyone like me—and life and work would have been less stressful and more enjoyable (and certainly more successful) without them. So here are some of the things I wish I had learned long ago. I hope they may help a few of you avoid the mistakes that I made back then.

Most of it doesn’t matter~
So much of what I got excited about, anxious about, or wasted my time and energy on, turned out not to matter. There are only a few things that truly count for a happy life. I wish I had known to concentrate on those and ignore the rest.

The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts~
Look at all the terrorists and militant groups that hark back to some event long gone, or base their justification for killing on claims of some supposed historical right to a bit of land, or redress for a wrong done hundreds of years ago.

Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it exactly right means waiting for ever~
One of the greatest advantages anyone can have is the willingness to make a fool of themselves publicly and often. There’s no better way to learn and develop. Whatever, it’s fun too.

Following the latest fashion, in work or in life, is spiritual and intellectual suicide~
You can be a cheap imitation of the ideal of the moment; or you can be a unique individual. The choice is yours. Religion isn’t the opiate of the masses, fashion is.

If people complain that you’re too fond of going your own way and aren’t fitting in, you must be on the right track~
Who wants to live life as a herd animal? The guys in power don’t want you to fit in for your own sake; they want you to stop causing them problems and follow their orders. You can’t have the freedom to be yourself and meekly fit in at the same time.

If you make your work your life, you’re making your life into hard work~
Like most people, I confused myself by looking at people like artists and musicians whose life’s “work” fills their time. That isn’t work. It’s who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow you to earn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end: living an enjoyable life. Spend as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the end. Only idiots live to work.

The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to listen to gossip~
The worst way to spend your time is spreading more. People who spread gossip are the plague-carriers of our day. Cockroaches are clean, kindly creatures in comparison.

Trying to please other people is largely a futile activity. Everyone will be mad at you sometime~
Most of the people you deal with will dislike, disparage, belittle, or ignore what you say or do most of the time. Besides, you can never really know what others do want, so a good deal of whatever you do in that regard will go to waste. Be comforted. Those who love you will probably love you regardless, and they are the ones whose opinions are worth caring about. The rest aren’t worth five minutes of thought between them.

Every winner is destined to be a loser in due course~
It’s great to be up on the winner’s podium. Just don’t imagine you can stay there for ever. Worst of all is being determined to do so, by any means available.

You can rarely, if ever, please, placate, change, or mollify an asshole~ The best thing you can do is stay away from every one you encounter. Being an asshole is a contagious disease. The more time you spend around one, the more likely you are to catch it and become one too.

Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as you hoped~
There’s no reason to be downhearted about this. Just allow for it and move on.

People are oddly consistent~
Liars usually tell lies. Cheaters cheat whenever it suits them. A person who confides in you has usually confided in several others first—but not got the response they wanted. A loyal friend will stay loyal under enormous amounts of thoughtless abuse.

However hard you try, you can’t avoid being yourself. Who else could you be? ~
You can act and pretend, but the person acting and pretending is still you. And if you won’t accept yourself—and do the best you can with what you have—who then has any obligation to accept you?
When it comes to blatant lies, there are none more egregious than budget figures. Time spent agonizing over them is time wasted. Even if (miracle of miracles!) yours are honest and accurate, no one else will have been so foolish.

The loudest noise in the world is the sound of people whining~
Don’t add to it. Quit Whining

The Desification Process

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:19:00 +0000

Time to add a little humour to this site. This is borrowed from my friend Sameer Rizvi's(no relation) blog @ www.sameerrizvi.com

For those who are not informed, the meaning of the word "desi" can be found here.

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"Knowledge to guide all knowledge"

hamidrizvi@gmail.com (Hamid) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 16:34:00 +0000

We have talked about the sources of knowledge, the application of knowledge and the fact some knowledge can be useful or useless. This raises the question, how do you differentiate between useful and useless knowledge? We might not have time to learn everything about everything, but how do you know which fields to focus on and what fields to just get a glimpse of?

The way I see it, there has to be one main highway of knowledge which has major and minor exits. We are allowed to take whichever exit we want, as long as we get back on the highway. If we stick with the highway, we are drawn towards taking the major exits, learning about them and getting back on the highway. Taking the minor exits teaches us knowledge too, but the presence of smaller streets and avenues can lead us away from the highway without us realizing it.

So what is this highway? Are we supposed to just find it or have we been told what it is? Personally, I think that the wisdom of religion is the knowledge to guide all knowledge.

When we are on this highway we have the ability to look towards either side and view the world around us. We might face obstacles from worldly factors such as thundershowers or blizzards, but we have to endure them and stay on our path. We can take whatever exit we like based on what we see around us, but as previously said, true knowledge is found when what you learn in the real world is fused together with the knowledge of religion. Essentially, worldly knowledge and religious knowledge are 2 separate realms, rather, one leads to the other and both are needed to comprehend it fully.