Hairy Fairy

Re: Us

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:10:00 +0000

Thank you my darling, I would like that very much....
xxxxxxxxx

Pe duminică, 8 ianuarie 2012, Michael a scris:
> then my darling we will try i love you too much not to thumb quite
> bad may need,stitches are you ok with trying mxx

Us

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:44:00 +0000

Hello Darling

I know that all seems hopeless right now.
I just hoped that we can build a relationship gradually. I never said I can't meet you out, I would love to meet you in town for a coffee or whatever. There aren't many people around that know me and I wouldn't be very worried that someone might see us. If I wouldn't see a future for us I would tell you that all that can be between us it's just sex. But I honestly think that can be more than that.
I will let you know tomorrow about Thursday, I will check with my boss. I'm sorry I'm not able to see you tonight.
Sorry about your thumb, hope it's not to bad.
xxxx

Michael a scris:
> Sorry, at work until 11.
>
> I know you can't make promises, I've always known that. But we just can't do anything other than meet here and we have no way of knowing if we can make a go of a relationship by just having light sex, can we? You said so yourself. We can't really meet even for coffee in case your partner sees us or someone who knows you sees us. I want to carry on seeing you, I do, but do you honestly see any future in it for US? I'd like to think there is, but do you have any idea of timescales? It all just seemed so hopeless, knowing we could go on like this for months or years and I would just be 'the other woman' so to speak, just snatching an hour of love and happiness where and when we could. And I don't believe that is really what either of us wants. I would just be a fuck buddy - and we haven't even done that. We just need to spend a bit more time togther. I was going to try and find out more about you today, your life, your interests, what makes Marius tick. I wasn't just going to suck you off.
>
> Do you really think I want to stop seeing you? Of course I don't. But what can we do?
>
> I love you so much.
>
> Michael
> xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> 2012/1/8 M:
>
> I'm so sorry my darling you know I can't make any promises therefore I can't ask you to see me if you think that will not be good for you. You'll have to decide what's best for you, if it was up to me, I couldn't and I wouldn't let you go.
> But it's your decision... Can't write anymore, will try and ring you this evening if that's ok with you
> xxxxxxxx
>
duminică, 8 ianuarie 2012, Michael a scris:
>> dearest darling i dont want to lose you but what can we do i am in
>> tears i love you so much xxxx
>>
>> On 1/8/12, M wrote:

>>> Oh my Darling
>>> It may sound silly because we only saw each other twice, but for me the
>>> last week had been a whirlwind of passion and new sentiments that I thought
>>> I will never have for anybody... I never thought I will ever find someone
>>> that I will be able to love again... Until I met you... And then all was
>>> good in the world and I felt like I have a new life.
>>> When I read your email this morning something shattered inside me and I
>>> felt dead again. But I do understand. I know it is a lot to ask, I give so
>>> little in return and I have no right to do it. And things like today will
>>> be happening again and I will have to cancel again and that will be so
>>> upsetting. And you have to protect yourself.
>>> All my love
>>> M

>>> Pe duminică, 8 ianuarie 2012, Michael a scris:
>>>> i miss you darling and cannot imagine how empty life will be without
>>>> you i love you so very much

>>>> On 1/8/12, M wrote:

>>>>> My Darling
>>>>> I am sorry I caused you heart ache.
>>>>> In my defence I did tried to prevent this when I told you that we need time and that we shouldn't give way to our sentiments to early. But I suppose you are to impetuous and that's not a criticism it's just you, part of who you are.
>>>>> I understand and I will miss you dreadfully.
>>>>> All my love,
>>>>> M
>>>>>
>>>>> Pe duminică, 8 ianuarie 2012, Michael a scris:
>>>>>> Dearest M
>>>>>> I do understand about the lunch invitation. Of course I'm disappointed
>>>>> but you are not my partner and I can have no right to expect to see you.
>>>>> My problem is that I have truly fallen in love with you and I shouldn't
>>>>> have. But I couldn't help it, you are so much everything I have ever
>>>>> wanted in so many ways.
>>>>>> Difficult though it is, I don't think that I can see you again. I know
>>>>> you said be patient and I am trying to be, but I realise that I can't.
>>> My feelings are becoming too strong because I know in my heart that you are
>>>>> The One. But, in reality you aren't. And you do have to protect yourself if you are going to leave your partner. There is no way we can try to see if we could build a deep and loving relationship because we just aren't able to do the things that we need in order to find out.
>>>>>> So there we are. I don't expect to find anyone like you again. I would
>>>>> have done all I could to make you happy, and so I do wish you evry
>>>>> happiness for the future.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Ever, your loving
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Michael

I love you

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:57:00 +0000

Darling

My heart aches when I read that something inside you shattered because I know that feeling too well. I don't want to hurt you, I really do love you and only want you.

Is there some way to be togther more? Just a night perhaps? I long to be in your arms and to love you and be loved by you. To feel you in me, to caress you and adore you and make you happy. To take away your pain.

Forgive me for hurting you; I didn't realise your feelings were as deep as they are.

All my love

Michael
xxx

karma

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:43:00 +0000

De la: Michael

serves me right for being horrid sliced my deeply thumb open with
bread knife and spilled coffee over sexy new pants

New Year's Eve

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 21:54:00 +0000

Spent it in bed with a glass of wine, a very bored R and the rented "Super 8".
First day of the year spent in bed watching Conan.

Hi

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 02:21:00 +0000

De la: Fred
Data: sâmbătă, 22 octombrie 2011
Subiect: hi
Către: marius

hello my love,
do you have on a blue shirt? if so you still looks nice and i want to see you and i wish you knew how we could meet in England or Europe somewhere. i think about our life we had in germany and how much fun we had my love and the trip to paris. freddie

hi

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 11:18:00 +0000

De la: Marius
Data: vineri, 21 octombrie 2011
Subiect: hi
Către: Fred

Dear Freddie

My trip home was very nice but very short, only a week. I was very happy to see my family because I dreadfuly missed them all. I don't have a lot of friends there anymore so that was ok. I told my sister about me being gay over a year ago but the rest of the family still don't know. Did you tell yours? I suppose thats one of the reasons I don't want to go back to Romania, the people are still very intolerant towards gay people and I would find it very difficult to go back to that lifestyle.
I'm administrator for a care home see in the gallery here.....if you can find my picture.
Thank you for your picture, you look as handsome as I remember, you haven't change a bit!
Hugs,
Marius
> ________________________________

hi

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 02:19:00 +0000

De la: Fred
Data: vineri, 21 octombrie 2011
Către: marius

Marius,

I am very sorry about your problem with your love. I still have all my furnitures and brought some more to fill up the house, because I have a 4 bedroom and 4 bathroom in my house. I still would love to make love to you and try to keep you happy because you are a very nice guy. How was your trip home to visit with your family and does your family know you are gay? What kind of work do you do for a living and why he does not want to get a job? here is a picture of me with my family on a boat cruise. Freddie
________________________________

hi

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 18:36:00 +0000

De la: Marius
Data: miercuri, 19 octombrie 2011
Către: Fred

Hi Freddie,

I'm not very good at the moment, R had problems at work and got fired. Then tried to commit suicide. Now he's a bit better but still depressed. Biggest problem is he doesn't want to get another job and I won't be able to afford to keep us both. On the other hand leaving him now would feel like kicking him whilst he's down.
I don't know yet what I'm going to do, I'm so fed up and tired and just not in a happy place.
Your house looks so big but not very comfy. Where is that nice furniture you used to have?
And I would appreciate a nice picture of you.
Thank you for writing to me and still being my friend.

Missing you,
Marius

Hi

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 01:32:00 +0000

De la: Fred

Hello my friend and how are you these days? I always wish you the best because you are a very good and honorable person to me. feel free to always talk with me about your problem, which will help your mind because i now all about you. here is a copy of my house and you and your husband should visit one day. We could have a threesome (smile). i live near the city of Baltimore MD. hospital.

Freddie

Resignation

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:52:00 +0000

R told me that he resigned yesterday. And it was accepted. His last day would be 12.12. This was his 4th job since we are together.
Wasn't surprised, it was just a matter of time. I mean he was off sick with depression for the last two weeks.
I'm fed up with all this shit. Became so boring and predictable.

Contact

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 21:47:00 +0000

Today I made contact with him. Him with that gorgeous arse, him who walks like a ballerina that I see every morning at the train station. I said "hi I believe we're neighbours" to which he replied "do we know each other?" I told him where I live and then he confirmed that he lives in the same building, few doors away. Asked him where he works and
he said Brighton. "Quite a way" I noticed. "And what do you do?" "Admin" "OMG me to!" and then he asked me if I work for the insurance company in B... which means he also noticed me, noticed where I get off and he's being wondering about me. Wow! I'm so happy!

10 ya

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 19:58:00 +0000

Ten years ago I was meeting a beautiful human being. Half an hour after we've been introduced, we were making love like I never did before. I fell in love. Next 6 years were the best and the worst time of my life. Four years ago we parted. We didn't just changed neighbourhoods. We both left to live in different countries. I still think about him. I still love him. I'm still in love with the smile of that chubby, blond, blue eyed man that I met on that 24th of March. Ten years later, today, he's a vegetable. Survived a suicide attempt. He's still alive. But dead in the same time. I never going to see that smile again.
I wish I could say good bye. I wish I could go and melt him in an embrace. But even if I'm there he won't be there. He's already away. All I can do is send this message into nothingness. And hope that somewhere, sometime we'll meet again.
Te iubesc puiu'.

Cum cleaner

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 21:12:00 +0000

The Indian ambassador is looking for a cum cleaner. I wonder what a cum messenger is.

Coming out lunch

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 18:14:00 +0000

Emma came out to her mom yesterday and today brought her girlfriend to meet her parents. Louise rang me last night & more or less said "my daughter just told me she's a lesbian, lets have lunch tomorrow, I know this little place, great food and is really cheap".
A meal with the Garrets is never boring. Doesn't matter where takes place. Xmass lunch two years ago: when they got ready to leave, Louise ended up on her fours dragging herself towards the door. Today was worse, she didn't make it until the end of the meal. After soup she had to grasp R's hand in order to be able to seat up in her chair and not fall flat face in her vegetable soup. She managed to drop the butter dish in her bag which was open on the floor. But by the time the fish pie that she ordered arrived, she was already on her way back home, sustained, pushed and dragged by Emma and R. Apparently she had 7 bottles of wine for breakfast.

Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 00:37:00 +0000

23:09 End of weekend. Loads of ironing again. Bit of shopping yesterday. Bought some ties for my new neon green shirt. And food of course.

Found a rose on the beach. In the evening whilst I was walking H I slipped on a piece of dog shit in Bottle Alley and fell. I was a bit freaked out thinking what would have happened if I would've hurt myself because I was all alone, it happened after R left to do a night shift.
Ordered myself a mac book air last night and I applied for a lone to pay for it. I'm curious to see if it's going to be approved. If they say yes I'll have to find a way of telling R. Bit difficult considering that he's doing overtime to pay for our holiday in Kenya which must be postponed. So he's doing extra shifts and what am I doing?! Buying a luxury laptop thank you very much. Yeah doesn't sound right.
Louise was on the phone today for 1h 38m. One hour and 38 minutes of my life listening to the tragedy of her life. Fair enough, she's going through a very rough patch at the moment. But repeating same things over and over and over again it's not going to make it better. I mean I think I heard "all I want to do is sleep" at least 100 times.
After L's gianourmous phone call I managed to do some lowtax work which by the way I was planning to do whole morning.
Then R went to work. With H, 'cause he might do tomorrow as well, they have a diarrhoea and vomiting problem and they're short of nurses again.
It's been a bit weird just by myself. I had dinner - 6 morrocan chicken kebabs with mayo & tomatoes and I finished with some cherry bell peppers stuffed with goat cheese.

All washed down with a hot chocolate and "The Switch" with J Aniston. Sweet.

Zain

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 13:14:00 +0000

I want them to win because I want Zain to be happy.

HASTINGS PIER ON FIRE

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:10:00 +0000

This morning a phone call woke me up at 08.10. I was told that the pier was on fire. First I thought it was a joke. Still half asleep I went to open the window and I realized it wasn't. The whole street bellow me was closed for traffic, only TV crews and officials in expensive looking cars were passing by. Fire trucks were flashing blue in front of the pier and I could see water canons still working. Helicopters were like flies around a fresh turd the whole morning.
Later during the day, when I took the dog for a walk everything started to sink in. Hastings Pier was part of my life for three years and now all of the sudden is a pile of debris. An incredible sadness and sense of loss enveloped me for the whole day.

Technorati Tags: Pier,Hastings,fire

Queer teen murderers

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 11:01:00 +0000

Only queer teen murders

Holiday End

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 18:14:00 +0000


Big breakfast, romanian shepard style

Tomorrow is my last day of annual leave. No big regrets since I didn't get to do much. Just sleep, eat, watch TV, shopping.
I've seen some nice movies, like Sherlock Holmes (yesterday), Dear John (disappointing), Sex and the City (second time) and The Holiday (really liked C. Diaz and Jude Law).

Alex Slater

In the adult section I discovered Alex Slater. I don't know what is it about this guy that makes me dribble every time I look at him. I mean is bold, kinda old and someone said that his niples look somehow unwashed.
But I think he's oozing masculinity: big brown perfect rounded niples, hairy, muscular, square jaw, dimpled chin.

Catching up

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:27:00 +0000

Yesterday:
- morose day broken by SMS from Marcus followed by short conversation. Want his job back. told me "love you lots" when hang up.
- k not in grace again. He proposed r a bj last Wednesday as a possibility when coming around for a cuppa. therefore r draw the conclusion there's no friendship just a hunt for sex.
- r started another "no smoking" period. I did as well Saturday after I smoked a last one while we're having coffee & doughnut at pasta restaurant.
- day ended in distress in the evening when while in bed he pushed me aside with no explanation. Today said he was hot.

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Away for tonight

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 21:56:00 +0000

Watching the new Spartacus series. At HG. R is doing a night tomorrow so offered to stay overnight so he won't have to bring me in the morning. I know, I'm so thoughtful.
Actually it's quite nice, feels like I'm away in holiday. I had a long shower, I put on my jamies, my Jasper Conran dressing gown and my slippers, put laptop on, put TV on and I'm relaxing. I even got a book with me, a favourite of mine since childhood when there wasn't anything else apart from books and radio. Never dreamed in those times that one day I'll write my journal in the middle of a forest, in Britain, on a little shiny piece of plastic, without pen and paper and then the next day virtually anybody in the world can read it.

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Threesome next week

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Sat, 08 May 2010 18:58:00 +0000

Looks like the secret of keeping my marriage afloat is a threesome.
How humiliating is accepting having sex with your husband's ex for the sake of avoiding divorce?!
I try not to think this way. Actually I feel quite excited by the thought of having a threesome. Didn't have one in a long time. And K is an attractive, athletic policeman. Never had a policeman before. The only thing that might put me a bit off is the size of his penis which I understand it's a XS size. Apparently the fact that mine is bigger is another thing that keeps us together. Sad.
They are both very excited, just like children before Xmas. R wants to film the whole thing, that would be a first for all of us. He splashed out on 2 (two) tripods today so we can have both the camcorder and the Canon camera on. It's all they talk about, e-mails are flying both ways every day. And makes me smile in a sad sort of way, hearing how hard he tries to convince himself that it's only sex and nothing more.

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Swan Lake

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Thu, 06 May 2010 14:22:00 +0000

Swan Lake ballet last night at White Rock. The Jester had an amazing bum. My marriage seems to come to an end. He keeps phoning his ex every day despite what he said about not loving him any more. Was talking to him while we were walking to the theatre. Don't know what to do. Accept it? Divorce him? If I divorce him where am I suppose to go? Will I be able to remain in UK? Should I move to Brighton? Or should I stay here with my sister? Will I be able to keep the car and my job?! So many questions and so little time to think ...

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WRITING YOUR MEMOIRS

noreply@blogger.com (M.) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:00:00 +0000

I liked this article, I never had time to read it properly since last year but now actually inspired me to start on my memoirs book. I mean I've been thinking about suicide so many times, my driving is not very good either so I suppose it's just a matter of time when death it's going to happen. And it's a bit sad just to disappear without anyone really knowing you. I think everybody should write his/her story, not writing for success but for family and friends.