Habit of Thought

The Power of Doing

Mary Anne Shew — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:34:01 -0500

I thought I knew what it meant to defeat your demons and destroy obstacles.

I thought I understood motivation.

I thought I knew how to get things done.

Until today.

Until I read Jon Morrow's post How to Quit Your Job, Move to Paradise, and Get Paid to Change the World.

Whatever your goals for 2012 and beyond, for yourself, your career, your family, your company or your cause...

If you are daunted by obstacles--economy, government, your boss, your client, your family...

If you are depressed by the scope of the challenge, or feel hopeless that it can be done...

Read Jon's post.

Then go get it DONE.

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Mary Anne Shew — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 19:45:00 -0400

I don't care what your faith is--or whether you even have a "faith" or follow a religion--but take any opportunity you may have to hear Barbara Brown Taylor speak. Or better yet, take a workshop from her. She makes spirituality real, practical, and most of all, fun.

A friend told me about Taylor's workshop on writing as a spiritual practice which took place today in the beautiful St. Paul's Episcopal Church just outside downtown Rochester. It was the first time I had ever heard of Barbara.

Writing As Work

By vocation Taylor is an Episcopal priest, so it's part of her job description to be a writer and speaker / preacher. I have heard my share of priests, ministers, and pastors speak and have read some of their writing. As with almost any job, not everyone seeks excellence in the skills required to carry out their responsibilities. Taylor clearly takes those responsibilities to heart and has developed not just an incredible mastery but a love of both.

The Joy of Expression

About 60 or so people participated today, yet the workshop was not frenzied, noisy, or distracting due to such a large crowd. Taylor engaged every single one of us through her humor (never at our expense), her humility about her own journey, and her passion for words. When we all were writing, the only sound was the typing of those who brought laptops. Those of us using pen and paper barely registered. When we were discussing our writing with our table mates, the room was abuzz with energy, warmth, and above all, laughter. Barbara created a perfect learning environment and set things up so all would feel safe and knew we had the right just to listen if we didn't want to share anything.

What I Learned About Writing As a Spiritual Practice

Trust the spirit. If there is ever a time to turn off the critic in your head, writing is it. No matter what your subject (or endeavor, for that matter), that voice is there to reduce risk, keep you safe, and save you from being hurt. The problem is, embracing those things also eliminates the possibility of growth.

Barbara took us through an exercise in which we named our critic (mine is DK, which stands for "don't know," as in "I don't know his name"). She also told us to tell him or her or it to go away and come back at 3pm, which is when the workshop was to end. Crazy as it sounds, this really worked. (I have also asked DK to go away while I write this and come back just before I click "publish.")

The other part is to literally go where your spirit takes you. It is common to start writing based on an assignment or idea. But if what you are writing starts to go in a different direction, follow it. Honor it. The writing assignment's sole purpose is just to prime the pump.

Embody the Word. If you want to connect through the written or spoken word with anyone else or especially yourself, go through the body. Describe things using words that connect to your senses.

For example, if you are trying to communicate about faith, describe it through touch, taste, smell, sound, and eyes. My answer to that exercise was: faith is a whisper (sound), a flowery scent (smell), a cookie (taste), warm and cold (temperature), and seeing two married 80-year-olds holding hands (eyes). Note that your sense choices don't have to make sense to anyone but you.

Show, Don't Tell. This is an oldie-but-a-goodie in writing circles. Ever see the movie "Armageddon"? It stars Bruce Willis as Harry Stamper, a driller extraordinare who is called upon by the US government to save the planet from an earth-killing meteorite. In just the first five minutes of dialogue and action, you know Stamper's position on Greenpeace, that his relationship with his daughter, Grace, is problematic, and his star employee, AJ, has the disagreeable habit of routinely disobeying Harry's orders, to Harry's great displeasure.

For example, I can write "I am tired." Or, I can write "I feel as if I spent the entire day pushing boulders around."

"I loved my mom very much." Or, "I spent one weekend a month with Mom for the last three years of her life, taking her to garage sales, going visiting with her to her friends' homes, or just talking with her over endless cups of tea at home."

Want to Get Started?

This part wasn't covered in the workshop, and I offer it to any reader who perhaps hasn't journaled before. Experienced journal keepers may also find an intriguing idea here to freshen their approach to their own spiritual writing journey.

Simplest: A pad of paper or spiral notebook. A pencil or pen.

Make It Special: Indulge in one of the thousands of journals available from Walmart, Target, Barnes & Noble or dozens of other stores. If you are more visual, get a bunch of colored pens and a sketchbook, which you can also find at any of those stores or at your local art store or art gallery.

I find writing in a Moleskine notebook with a fountain pen (disposable or classic) literally makes my words flow.

Let the Dogs Out: Create an altered book. Jump into the scrapbooking craze or create one out of a simple blank notebook. Get into fabric and create a journal quilt. Just be careful not to let the medium become the point instead of spiritual exploration.

Resources Suggested at Workshop

Author Elizabeth Gilbert's TED Talk
Writing the Sacred Journey: The Art and Practice of Spiritual Memoir by Elizabeth Andrews and her web site, www.spiritualmemoir.com
www.ThisIBelieve.com
www.AbbeyoftheArts.com (Recommended by a participant)
The 3 A.M. Epiphany: Uncommon Writing Exercises that Transform Your Fiction by Brian Kiteley
A Poetry Handbook by Mary Oliver

Ok, DK, it's fine to come back into the room now...

Is Career Specialization Dead?

Mary Anne Shew — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 16:45:08 -0400

As children, most of us were interminably asked by adults what we wanted to be when we grew up.

By the end of high school, having some idea of your "final answer" to that question was required by parents and guidance counselors in order to steer you to an appropriate college and degree.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much the world has changed, even in just the last five to ten years. I feel very lucky that late in college I fell in love with computers. Information technology gave me a wonderful career at a time when other fields came and went.

All Career Eggs in One Basket?

Can anyone truly afford to roll the dice on one type of career any more? Professions such as attorneys, accountants, physicians, nurses, and information technology experts will be in considerable demand for the foreseeable future. Of course, those careers require a significant, up-front investment in education plus an ongoing commitment to professional development. You had better like what you are doing; the costs to switch to something else from one of these fields is considerable.

For everyone else, having your own plan for your future is not a luxury but a necessity. In an interesting twist on this topic, Penelope Trunk, an influential career advisor, suggests that you can make your life more stable by changing jobs frequently.

Looking for Stability in All the Wrong Places

Even if your chosen specialty survives technological change, economic uncertainty, and business failures, long-term careers within one company are a thing of the past as are the benefits that made them palatable such as orderly promotions and pension plans.

Penelope offers five ways to use frequent job changes to build stability in your life:

Build up a strong skill set quickly.
Get good at making transitions.
Make the most of the in-between-jobs time.
Get out of paying your dues.
Keep your finances in order.

Her best advice? "The best financial security today is to have great job hunting skills that never stop. Go to the best job, do it until you find another best job. This is the kind of person who will always be able to get money when they need it."

The King of Innovative Thinkers is Dead, Long Live the King

Mary Anne Shew — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:19:15 -0400

I confess I have only a couple of Steve Jobs' products, two different types of iPods. Yet his innovative thinking and all the products that resulted from that thinking are part of stuff in my everyday life that I can no longer do without.

Jobs drove the ultimate usability concepts into his products so any regular human can use them. He set the course that freed computing power from being the sole domain of immense mainframes in locked rooms accessible by only a few anointed caretakers.

Innovation is not just ideas, it's ideas made real. It takes outsized drive, personality, and just plain guts to override naysayers, move past small thinkers, and tell the world that THIS is what it needs.

Jobs has thrown such a large shadow for years that it's difficult to name any other person driving such breakthrough innovation in today's world making a difference at the same scale he did.

Perhaps someone else's light will have a chance to shine now. I sure hope so. It scares me to think that we won't see another of his intelligence, reach, and creativity for quite some time.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. I like to think of you now comparing notes with Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, George Eastman, John Jacob Bausch, Chester Carlson, and other visionaries on whose shoulders you stood and and shook the world as they did.

My condolences to Steve's wife, children, and company. May the love of family and friends bring you comfort and your memories of Steve bring you peace.

Do Your Habits Work for You or Against You?

Mary Anne Shew — Sun, 29 May 2011 11:35:27 -0400

You run your world through habits.

A habit is an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically and subconsciously, that is, without conscious thought. Frankly, if we didn't have habits, we would never get anything done. If, every morning, I had to think through all I need to do to prepare for my day, it would drive me crazy.

Habits actually start with thoughts.

How many times did your parents have to remind you to brush your teeth before it became something you did without being told? Eventually, brushing your teeth became automatic and part of your daily routine. Doing it over and over moved the action from your conscious control to being controlled by your subconscious.

Your starter set of habits came through your upbringing.

Your parents' mission during your entire childhood and adolescence was to instill the habits they believed would make you successful as an adult. For example, good personal hygiene and proper etiquette significantly affect your interactions with others, not to mention make you pleasant to be around.

We also have habits in how we think.

Habits of thought are called attitudes. Again, our original set came from early influences such as parents and family, school and friends. They taught us how to habitually think about people who are different from us, whether in skin color, gender, race, age, ethnicity, nationality, or religion. We absorbed their attitudes about work, love, marriage, kids, family, politics.

Life changes.

Getting a job, getting married, buying a house come with new necessary habits of thought and action. Our bosses, colleagues, clients, and competition inspire, train, or even insist on new attitudes and behaviors.

Some of our habits still come in handy. Some don’t, yet we continue to do them anyway. And all the while, the world around us is dramatically changing.

Some questions for your habits of thought and actions:

What are your habits?
How old are your habits?
Are they yours by choice, influence, training or coercion? Does that matter?
Do yours work for or against you?

10 Reasons Why You Don't Need a Coach

Mary Anne Shew — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:47:16 -0400

I'm often asked what coaching does for people. The coach's favorite answer is, it depends. It entirely depends on what the person being coached (PBC) wants or needs. The outcomes vary tremendously from PBC to PBC. (I will address what coaching does for companies in a separate post.)

I find a good way to answer the question of what coaching does for people is to describe situations I've encountered where the person didn't need a coach. The list below, in no particular order, contains a sampling of reasons why they didn't.

Time Management

1. You manage how you spend your time by managing your goals and priorities, not by how much you can cram into a given day. You have a system of some kind in place to handle all the incoming stuff yet retain peace of mind.

Physical Health

2. You are physically healthy. You have daily routines for exercise, sleep, and diet that increase your capacity and restore it.

Social Life

3. Your social life is in good order. You connect with people in a meaningful way regularly. You have a good support system of people you love spending time with, who have your back, who push you when you need it, who leave you feeling happier and more alive after spending time with them.

Family Life

4. Your family life works for you. Baggage from the past rarely influences your outlook, relationships or responses today. Family needs are one of the big rocks that go on your calendar and spending list first.

Personal and Professional Development

5. You believe in and routinely engage in some sort of personal and professional development through regular reading, additional education, hobbies, conferences, seminars, or a mentor. If your employer doesn't pay for these things, you invest in them yourself at an affordable level.

Productivity

6. Your home, your office, your workspace, your car, your garage: anywhere you spend a lot of time is organized to meet your needs. You can lay your hands on important paperwork in a matter of minutes. Clutter is managed and purged regularly.

Career

7. You have a handle on your career. You stay up with trends in your field, your industry, your customer base. You watch for the effects of technology in your work and take every opportunity for training that comes your way. You take full responsibility for improving your current skills and learning new ones. You also routinely work to improve your people skills--listening, communication, managing, delegating--as well as any technical skills involved.

Finances

8. Your finances are solid. Will, health proxy, living will are in place. Short- and long-term savings and investments are in progress. You have a good credit rating. Your life, health and belongings are protected at the right level by insurance. How you manage your money works for you.

Leadership

9. You regularly apply your leadership skills in your life and work, regardless of your level or title in a company or your role in your family. You understand leadership is a life skill, not something you only do at your job. You think strategically, respond with emotional intelligence, understand your role, and fulfill your responsibilities.

Values

10. You know what your values, ethics and beliefs are. You make virtually all of your daily choices and decisions in accordance with what's important to you and what brings meaning to your life. You know how to quickly assess requests for your time, money, or energy before saying "yes." You know how to say "no" gracefully.

Perfection Is Not the Goal, Progress Is

This list doesn't mean a meaningful life is possible only if all 10 things (or others you can think of) are in place. For many people, getting one or two of those things in order is enough.

How about you? Are the blessings you already have in your life enough to keep body, soul, and mind together and functioning?

Delete Prior

Mary Anne Shew — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:00:00 -0400

I had my first BlackBerry cell phone for a year before I found the "Delete Prior" function that allowed me to delete a range of the emails on it.

Before that, I had to delete all the emails individually. It was tedious and painful.

(If you don't know how to find this function on your BB, see instructions at the bottom of this post.)

Click a Button and Get a Clean Slate

Sometimes when I press that BlackBerry button, I wish I could just as easily wipe out all the mistakes and mis-steps and poor decisions of my life and start over. Other times I'd like to do major housekeeping on my to-do list in the same way. Or I might just wish I could start that day over.

Anne Shirley, the feisty heroine of Anne of Green Gables, has an interesting approach. She sees each new day as a fresh start, with no mistakes in it. (She constantly gets into trouble, though her escapades pale in comparison to what kids today get themselves into.)

A Symptom, Not a Treatment

In working through a recent book I read, I've come to understand that impulse as a symptom of a lack of balance, a lack of energy, or both. When I feel that way, I set aside time as soon as I can to assess my commitments and goals at a higher level than managing them day-to-day. That "reset" function clears out the underbrush and helps me remember how much I love my work.

My Actual Reset Button

The real cleanout happens before we go on our two-week vacation. My favorite day of the whole year is the night before we leave on our trip. By that point, everything that's going to get done is finished. Anything that couldn't get done has been scheduled for the days and weeks after our return. Expectations and commitments have either been met or reset or renegotiated.

Something To Think About

How often do you feel overwhelmed?

What do you do to reset commitments and expectations when that happens?

What kind of positive ritual could you create for that reset?

How often do you think you'd need to do it?

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How to Mass Delete Emails on Your BlackBerry

1. Open your mail function on your BlackBerry.

2. Scroll to and highlight (with the rolling ball) the date header for the day where you want to delete all emails before AND INCLUDING that day. For example, let's say you want to keep only those emails that came in today, Oct 17, 2010. Then you would scroll to and highlight the date header for Oct 16, 2010.

3. Press the BlackBerry menu button to the left of the rolling ball. Scroll to the "Delete Prior" menu item. Click on that item.

4. A confirming screen asking "Delete all prior items?" is displayed with the options to Delete or Cancel.

5. Click Delete. All emails prior to that date will be deleted. If you select today's date, all emails that came in today plus all previous emails will be deleted.

Exercise Decision Is More Painful Than Exercising

Mary Anne Shew — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 14:05:05 -0400

Like voting, exercise is one of those things everybody knows they should do and most don't.

While I haven't missed an election since I was first eligible to vote (Nixon vs McGovern), let's just say my record on exercise has been far less consistent.

This year I finally have broken the cycle of decide-try-excuses that have torpedoed my resolve. While I'm not exactly ready to try out for "So You Think You Can Dance?," I'm seeing results.

No Secret Formula

I wish I had a secret formula to share with you, a compelling motivation that inspires me. Instead, it's a combination of things. Maybe one or more of these 6 items will click with you, listed from the less compelling to the most compelling to me...

6. Living Longer But Not Better

I took a long hard look at women 65+ in age whom I see when I'm out and about. It's not a pretty picture. With continued excuses and denial on my part, it won't be long before climbing the stairs in my house will be difficult. Among other things, simply aging will kick up the threat of diabetes a notch.

I'm not saying everyone who is in a nursing home could have prevented the circumstances that made them move to one. My mother-in-law lived in her own home until strokes at 85 forced that change. Life will throw me enough aging challenges that limit my options in where I live and how I spend my day. It's my choice not to add to those challenges because of my own negligence.

5. No Time Like the Present

As hard as it is now, starting an exercise program ain't gonna get any easier down the road. See above.

4. Physical Energy Is The Power Plant for Living

A recent book I read proposed the idea of setting up rituals to develop and renew the types of energy that keep me alive and functioning: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Physical energy powers everything else. I like to think of exercise as a positive ritual, not a must-do habit.

3. A No-Excuses Club

I joined a club where I feel truly comfortable. No one cares what you look like with no makeup and old t-shirt--they're too busy doing their own workouts. It's on my way to almost anywhere I go, only 15 minutes by car. Virtually everything I might ever need to work out is there, including a cafe to grab a bite before or after and a spa where I can reward myself with a (non-food) treat now and then for working out.

2. You Gotta Have Friends

Friends, clients, colleagues and acquaintances belong to the same club, though I didn't realize how many when I joined. It's wonderful to see friendly faces with a smile of encouragement. I also want to have a good answer when they ask me how my workouts are going.

1. Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I'm a coach. I teach people how to set and reach goals. If I don't keep at my own goals, where's my integrity? Even if my clients don't know what my goals are?

The Devil Is in the Details

All my dilly-dallying about when to exercise, how to exercise, where to exercise was far more painful than the actual exercise itself. It wasn't until I got my ducks in a row, that is, I removed obstacles, that it all began to come together. Those things included buying a good quality pair of sneakers (Brooks brand--never heard of them before this), organizing a gym bag with supplies always at the ready, experimenting with times of day to see what works (mornings, hands down), and a routine that is not dependent on attending a class (although I enjoy the classes when I can get there).

What Not To Think About

If your only motivation for exercise is to lose weight, it's not enough. Losing weight is not a motivating factor for me, though I certainly would love to shed pounds. Focusing on just that number, though, has failed me time and time again. My mirror and the fit of my clothes tell me whether I'm on track there, and I don't spend much time thinking about it.

Walmart Says No To a Sale

Mary Anne Shew — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 18:21:17 -0400

Yesterday I shopped at my local Walmart. I perused the aisle where they had gathered all the leftover back-to-school supplies. I found a small student planner, one of those calendars that runs from September to June, the school year. It was about 3"x5", and it was perfect for a little project I have in mind. It was only $2.50--a bargain to boot.

So I took it to the cashier and handed over my credit card.

The checkout clerk said I couldn't buy it.

At first I thought she meant something was wrong with my credit card or they had a lower limit on the total purchase value that could be charged. But that wasn't it. When she scanned the bar code, the system refused to allow her to sell it to me.

She scanned it three times with the same result, even though she said she had encountered this before. I offered to take it over to customer service to see what they could do. She said not even the store manager could override the sale. She couldn't accept cash and just let me take it.

There was nothing wrong with the planner; in fact, there were at least six more like it on the shelf.

This was a first. A store with merchandise on the shelf would not let me buy something.

I was speechless, which, if you know me, really says something about the situation.

The clerk was very pleasant and obviously was frustrated and embarrassed, so I decided to end the conversation and move on.

When Walmart says no, the answer is no, even to a paying customer with cash on hand.

So, what do YOUR computers or management policy or stocking policy or seasonal product policy make impossible for customers to buy?

What Values Do You Believe In?

Mary Anne Shew — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 15:11:13 -0400

Research has shown that about 95% of our values and beliefs have been learned by the age of 5.

Unless you have actively worked on choosing your values since then, most of your daily decisions are influenced by what you learned from the culture and circumstances of your life before you went to kindergarten.

What Is A Value?

A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy. It has intrinsic worth that inspires you and provides meaning that cannot be taken from you. Samples include family, patriotism, safety, creativity, orderliness, punctuality, loyalty, innovation.

Whether you are conscious of them or not, values are like your personal operating system, preprogramming your choice when making a decision.

Values Are the Operating System of Success

"Success is the continual achievement of your own predetermined goals,
stabilized by balance and purified by belief."

In my definition of success, you purify your goals by filtering them through your beliefs. Success means you have used your beliefs and values to actively select and shape your goals, the actions to achieve them, and design how you carry them out.

In computer programming, if-then-else logic drives the outcome based on pre-selected choices. Values are what you use to pre-select life choices. If honesty is one of your values, when presented with an opportunity to lie, you will choose to tell the truth.

Values As A Standard for Managing Your Personal Energy

In Loehr and Schwartz's book, they explain that values drive fuller engagement in all areas of our lives. A values-driven life increases the likelihood that you bring passion, commitment, and perseverance to whatever it is that you do. You make choices about how to behave from a position of confidence, strength and dignity rather than from anger, resentment or insecurity.

In this era of feeling our lives are controlled by everything but ourselves, this model gives us back that control.

What are your top 5 values? How have your actions over the last month reflected those?