Good Ground Blog

The Consultant's Alarm Clock

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 14:26:00 +0000

My daughter Annie is a consultant for a major firm and does a lot of traveling. She just posted this on her blog. Some good ideas!

The Consultant's Ultimate Playlist

When you spend a significant portion of your life traveling, as most consultants do, you begin to get really good at it. You know just how much time you need to pack (15 minutes) how much time it takes you to get from your apartment to airport security (25 minutes, plus 5 minutes to park) and the fastest way to get through security (place laptop in tray, load small under-seat bag, load overhead carry-on, de-belt/de-shoe and place these in front of your other items, minimizing time spent beltless/shoeless).

Possibly the most critical part of becoming an expert traveler is also the most secret: the Consultant’s Ultimate Playlist—these are the essential hits for the frequent traveler. Now this list is highly individualized and changes as often as Billboard’s Top 40, but I’ll let you in on some of my tunes that get me out of bed at 4:30 AM, to the airport by 6:00 AM and successfully on a plane before most people have their morning coffee. Here they are, in no specific order…

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) – The Proclaimers

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

Surrender – Cheap Trick

Rich Girl – Hall and Oates

Born to be Wild -- Steppenwolf

Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

I am a Passenger – Iggy Pop

Send Me on My Way – Rusted Root

Day Tripper – The Beatles

Start Me Up – Rolling Stones

The Distance – Cake

Magic Carpet Ride – Steppenwolf

20th Century Boy – Placebo

I Wanna be Sedated – The Ramones

If I Can Go – Angie Martinez

Little Red Corvette – Prince

Mint Car – The Cure

Ticket to Ride – The Beatles

The Endless Lessons of the Long Road

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:56:00 +0000

"I can't imagine what that would be like." "I could never do that myself." "You're completely out of your mind."

Those, and other more creative and less printable comments, are what I usually hear when I tell folks that I rode my bicycle more than 600 miles through rain and frigid temperatures, climbing the equivalent of almost two Mt. Everests, and finaly broke a rib -- all in less than three days earlier this month.

Yet, there is a simple answer to what the experience of the Endless Mountains 1240K bike race around Pennsylvania was like. It was like life. And like most things in life, it had its set of lessons.

To read about them, see my report on my website, www.goodgroundconsulting.com (click on the Endless Mountains link in the lower right hand corner of the page).

Believe it or not, there is even a short music video of the race at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=MEyZk4mWq1s.

A short video of my sentiments about the race, while doing it, is at http://www.flickr.com/photos/wabeck/3986066874/in/set-72157622524721810/.

Enjoy it! I did!

Endless Mountains

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:21:00 +0000

Tomorrow, scores of ultra-long-distance cyclists from as far away as Brazil will gather in Quakerstown, PA for a 775-mile race around the entire eastern half of the state. The Endless Mountains 1240K not only features some 62,000 feet of climbing (more than twice Everest) but, because it is late in the season, much of the race will be in the dark.

I figure it will take me between 80 and 90 hours (the time limit is 93) to finish the race. Also, I think it’s a great way to exercise my 60-year-old knees and raise money to support Our Daily Bread Employment Center, Maryland’s largest soup kitchen, which I helped found almost three decades ago. For most of the folks the center helps, there is nowhere to go but up.

Some wonder what possesses somebody to ride a bike so far for so long. Same thing, I guess, as climbing mountains: seeing if you can do it!

What Sort of A Day Was It?

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:49:00 +0000

The news that Walter Cronkite died today at the age of 92 more than marked the end of a man's life. It was the end of an era. For those of us who grew up with a daily diet of Walter, he represented what was great about the press -- and what seems to be a fading shadow now.

Walter was credible, straightforward, and transparently clear. He was not sexy or even cute. His haircut looked like what your barber might give you. He had a wonderful, unique voice that came straight from his heart. He was a strong man working for a strong, young news organization.

Today, as we watch venerable old journalistic institutions crumble and others pander to baser tastes in a desperate grab for viewers or readers, he is a reminder of the glory days of his craft. And, importantly, he should be an inspiration for what its future could be.

Back in the 50's, on the grainy little black and white sets, Walter's "You Are There" program would always end with him declaring "What sort of day was it? A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times ... and you were there."

We were there. We'd like to be there again.

Bicycle Nightmares

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 13:30:00 +0000

In the world of ultra-distance cycling, the ultimate challenge is RAAM -- The Race Across America (www.raceacrossamerica.net). The race is happening now. Competitors are striving to cover more than 3,000 miles in less than 10 days, with some sleeping just an hour or so a day.

A new movie, "Bicycle Dreams" is a attempt to capture the super-human effort the race demands and the suffering -- and even death -- that comes with it. The movie has garnered several awards, including winning the Breckenridge Film Festival, but you're not likely to see it at the local theater. (You can see a trailer at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1ZWZrKSxxs.)

The movie, which some might suggest would be more appropriately named "Bicycle Nightmares," is an amazing study in energy management. The competitors very consciously (and sometimes literally unconsciously) tap every energy source: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual.

It is both brutally inspirational and startlingly instructive. On one hand, it makes the challenges that we mere mortals face seem almost trivial by comparison. On the other hand, as we watch the competitors barter their sanity, money, health and even lives for an insignificant prize, it forces us to ask ourselves the same question the producers repeatedly ask the racers: "Why?"

Is It Brain Surgery?

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Thu, 28 May 2009 13:37:00 +0000

Marketing: it's not brain surgery. Or is it?

The fundamental purpose of marketing is to change people's minds. When you do that, you literally rewire the synapses inside their brains.

Okay, you don't use a scalpel or a laser, but you use something just a powerful: an idea. Only a few of us will go under the knife for brain surgery, but all of us have been rewired by the doctors of Madison Avenue and their esteemed colleagues in the media.

Do you feel thirsty when you see the Coke logo? Do you drive a little faster when the Porsche passes you? Do you fight the urge to say "super size me"?

Who put THAT stuff in your head?

CIGAR: The Apgar Test for Websites

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:30:00 +0000

In 1952, Dr. Virginia Apgar invented the "Apgar Test" to evaluate the health of new born babies. Until then, doctors assumed that new-borns were in good health and sent them off the nurseries, where many died.

Dr. Apgar's test, which is free and easy to perform, measures five characteristics, which another doctor turned into a mnemonic that spells her name (Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, Respiration). It's estimated that tens of thousands of babies' lives are saved each year because doctors apply the test all over the world.

I am pleased to report that I have developed a similar test that you can apply to your shiny new website to see if it will survive in the cold cruel world of the web. I call it CIGAR:

Content. Is there anything of value in your site?
Interesting. Is there anything interesting -- to somebody other than you and your mother -- in your site?
Grabby. What's in your site that will "grab" people and get them to come back for more?
Attractive. Is your site easy and fun to look at, well designed without too much text on each page and plenty of pictures?
Relevant. Is your site relevant to its target audience?

In other words, if you can't answer the question why somebody would hit your site, well, NO CIGAR.

What If You Marketed Fearlessly?

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Thu, 21 May 2009 15:07:00 +0000

In his book, The Last Campaign: Robert F. Kennedy and the 82 Days that Inspired America, Thurston Clarke makes an astonishing claim. He contends that, when Bobby was killed in California, there was dismay, horror and disappointment among those traveling with him. But, he says, no one -- not even Kennedy himself -- was surprised. Everyone, including RFK, expected that he would be shot before the campaign ended.

One of the key arguments of the book is that, despite that expectation, Kennedy campaigned fearlessly -- reaching out to sometimes unruly crowds, riding in open convertibles, and shunning the cautious warnings of his closest advisers. Whether you consider that foolishness or courage is beside the point.

In his brief campaign, Kennedy catapulted to a front-running position, pressing his points, winning over supporters, and inspiring the country. Dangerous, but effective work.

Kennedy's tragically short campaign is a reminder of what we can do if we believe in our message and if we're not afraid to say so.

Bluegill Marketing

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Tue, 19 May 2009 14:52:00 +0000

Whenever I'm feeling a little down, I just go light-tackle fishing for bluegill. I march down to my favorite fishing spot (see above), tie a cheap fly to the end of my line, and cast the little lure under an overhanging tree branch.

Splash! In a few minutes, a nice fat bluegill is fighting for all he's worth at the end of my line. On my delicate rod, he feels like a tarpon. It's very satisfying. After a short battle, I release him so he can fight again another day.

And there will be another day. Bluegill are dumb. They have no memories. In a week, he'll glup down the very same fly, hook and all.

I am amazed by the marketers who are still bluegill fishing. They serve up the same old message, event, promotion, sale, product or service and they expect customers to bite -- just like they did in the old days. And some do still bite, of course, convincing the marketers that they are right.

But they are not. Gradually, the sales revenues get smaller. Market share narrows. Competitors strengthen.

Customers are not bluegill. They learn. They remember. And they choose more tempting bait.

Don't Give Up So Easy...

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Sun, 17 May 2009 20:09:00 +0000

It was every bicyclist's nightmare: you're riding blissfully along out in the country and...the crank that holds your pedal snaps. Bad luck.

It's especially bad luck if you're in the middle of West Virginia mountains and there isn't even cellphone service. It's even worse if you're just 50 miles into a 250-mile bike ride. That was my story last weekend.

My riding partners shook their heads and made jokes about a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. I figured I was done, but I one-pedaled along for a couple miles until I got to the only house on the road.

Then, suddenly, my luck changed.

The homeowner, Dorman Parker, smiled and said, "I think we can get you back on the road."

He ushered me into his garage, where he drilled a new hole in the crank below where it had broken. He tapped threads into the hole. And, because my fancy racing pedal wouldn't screw into them, he took an old pedal off his son's bike and -- presto! -- I was back on the road.

Of course, I had two different pedals and the cranks were different lengths, so I couldn't stand and pedal. But thanks to Dorman's kindness to a perfect stranger, I finished the last 200 miles (including 100 in the dark).

Dorman taught me a lesson that day: a little generosity, ingenuity and perseverance can make all the difference. Don't give up too easily!

"It Takes a Long Time to Go By..."

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:09:00 +0000

In 1971, I joined the staff of The Wall Street Journal in Detroit. General Motors was the biggest company in the world. Gasoline on Woodward Avenue cost 25 cents a gallon. And, at a lunch with the head of Buick Division, he sniffed at the comparatively tiny import cars and declared proudly that, "When a American passes you on the road, it takes a long time for him to go by."

That arrogance vanished rapidly when the first energy crisis depressed sales of his hulking Electra 225s and boosted sales of the venerable Beetle. But few realized that was the first major crack in the clay feet of the Detroit giants.

Now, almost four decades later, Chrysler is bankrupt and GM is facing a similar fate. It has taken a long time for the Detroit iron to go by.

"Ole" is Good for The Grand Ole Opry

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:01:00 +0000

It's no accident that the seats at The Grand Ole Opry look like church pews. If you look around the audience at a performance, you see the reverence that the Opry inspires. When it comes to country music, this is High Church.

Although the crowd is unmistakeably gray, many are just kids when it comes to the performers at the 80-year-old institution. There are plenty of wrinkles on the stage under the makeup. As the performers march across the stage to do a number or two, some would seem to be as comfortable with a cane as a guitar.

Yet the energy is unmistakable. The singers bring an inner spark that ignites each song, even though they have done it hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times. It's captivating, especially for the awestruck audience.

The entertainment industry has always demonstrated, and The Grand Ole Opry proves, a principle that we too often forget. Performance isn't about age -- it's about energy. If you think you're too old to do your thing, think again.

The Country Music Marathon: Mixing Passions Promotes Marketing

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:45:00 +0000

Now a decade old, the Country Music Marathon demonstrates a key marketing principle: Mixing Passions.

If you like to run and you like country music, you were in Nashville last weekend, pounding up and down the rolling terrain of the Music City. In all, more than 32,000 runners competed, colorfully clogging the city's arteries and flooding the economy with millions in tourist cash.

The marathon's incredible success - for the competitors, the city and the promoters - feeds on both running and music. Country music performers were strategically placed around the course to entertain the runners. Makes no difference that the runners only heard a few bars of a song as they dashed by; the creative combination of the two passions was enough to bring them to Nashville. (As if to compensate, all runners got into an evening concert free. )

If your service or product can be linked to another activity or idea that people love, consider the link. It might just give your marketing legs.

Who Are Your Sneezers?

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:35:00 +0000

One of the five key rules of building effective "buzz" is knowing and using "connectors" -- people who will tell your story to other folks -- especially the right ones.

At a meeting I was facilitating the other day, one of the participants called his connectors "sneezers." They, he said, are the "super connectors" -- the people who, when they sneeze, give other people colds.

Think about who your "sneezers" are. Are you keeping in touch? Do they know your story?

Quantifying the Value

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:50:00 +0000

Can you quantify the value that you offer your customers?

Traditionally, marketers draw the bright line between features and benefits with two simple questions. If it answers the question "What?", it's a feature. If it answers the question "So what?", it's a benefit.

Some go even further and argue that if it doesn't have a good answer to the question "What's in it for me?" (WIIFM), it isn't even a benefit at all.

Increasingly, in these difficult times, there is a further question: "How much is in it for me?"

Sales and marketing professionals who usually stopped at WIIFM are finding that they are losing to others who can quantify the benefits more clearly. It's especially challenging for professional and financial services professionals trying to sell intangibles like "experience" and "client service."

For example, imagine two large banks promoting their "global reach." Is the bank with offices in 80 countries more attractive than the bank with offices in 50? How much?

How about an accountant with 15 years of experience? Is he or she more valuable than one with 10 years? How much?

Consider a charity that serves 2,000 needy persons per year. Is it more worthy of a donation than one that serves 1,800?

The recession makes life tougher for anybody trying to sell anything. That's the downside. The upside is that it forces those of us who sell to explain our value proposition better.

And that's a good thing.

Flying to Quality

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:37:00 +0000

It's a global trend. When times are tough, people pick quality first. They invest in Treasury bills. They shop for better cars and homes. Somehow, when every penny counts, people think more about how they spend or invest their money. It's called "The Flight to Quality."

So, explain this: why do some companies cheapen their products and services in a downturn? True, people look harder for value when times are tough, but less quality at a lower price is not a "deal."

"We have to do more with less," everybody says, but they don't mean it. They mean less with less. And they're going to deliver it with a bad attitude. Count on it.

So if you want to position yourself to make good money -- in bad times and in the better times that are coming -- all you have to do is deliver good value when everybody else is delivering junk.

The Hole in New York

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:20:00 +0000

From my hotel room, I look down into the hole that was the World Trade Center. Caterpillars grind their way through the mud, day and night, scratching at the scar that just won't heal.

New Yorkers, somehow always able to step around the ugliness in their city on their way to discover its many beauties, scurry up and down the sidewalk as if the defining disaster of this young century never happened. They duck into the gleaming towers around the hole, trade derivatives and complain about the market.

And I can't help thinking how much has gone down this hole. Thousands of lives all around the world. Billions of dollars. Countless billions of hours of wasted time.

And for what? Do you feel any safer now?

60

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:45:00 +0000

Okay, I'm 60 today.

I was born before commercial television. When polio was a big problem. When Ike was just a general. Several wars, hot and cold, ago.

People congratulate me, as if three-score is a big accomplishment. But all I had to do was put one foot in front of the other, and here I am.

On the other hand, lots of other people deserve to be thanked. They raised me and taught me and paid me and supported me and loved me and worked with me and tolerated me and played with me and even listened to what I had to say.

For me, surviving to 60 is no big deal. They deserve the congratulations.

NOW Is the Time

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:15:00 +0000

There's an old saying that the best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago....and that the second best time is NOW.

Add this note to the thousands that have pointed out that this is the time to invest in the market, to reach out to your customers, to invent a new product, and to launch a new career. So why aren't more people doing just that?

Low energy. They don't call this a Depression for nothing.

It's just soooo hard to move when there seems to be so little traction available.

Yet there is opportunity everywhere. If you want some for yourself, you don't need inspiration, credit, or an engraved invitation. Just move. And if the traction is bad and you slip, get up and try it again.

"Nobody rings a bell when the market hits bottom," is the oldest saw in financial services.

Well, ding.

Want Money? Create a Competitive Experience

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Want to do something smart to enhance sales, donations or customer relationships? Create a "competitive experience."

A competitive experience is an event that is compelling enough to compete with the constant barrage of other events that swirls around us every day. Think about how events impact your life: you can lose your job or your car keys; you can have a war in Iraq or with your neighbor; you can face your significant other across a romantic dinner or a bill collector with a dunning notice. Consider the events that shape our times: 9/11, the Obama Inauguration, Katrina, the Super Bowl, Thanksgiving, our birthdays.

Nothing is as powerful as an event when it comes to getting somebody to do something. Not the Internet, not television, not the press, not even Twitter.

Suddenly, though, it has become fashionable to shun events. Every politician from the President on down has spoken out against events. You will notice that they are doing so after the election -- and countless campaign rallies and $1,000-a-plate dinners.

I'm not advocating lavish junkets, high-priced golf outings or big bucks black tie galas. Competitive experiences don't have to be expensive -- but they have to happen. For example, I recently heard of a financial services organization that canceled what had been a successful client event. I suppose they figured that their clients didn't want to hear from them anymore. That may prove a self-fulling assumption.

Even more interesting was a non-profit CEO who announced that he had decided against what had been a successful annual fundraising event. He sent out post cards asking for money instead -- and made just as much money on lower donations -- because he saved the price of the event. But he's also conditioned his donors to give less and next year, having lost this year's "momentum," he may find it harder to sustain the relationships he had nurtured with the event in the past.

By the way, the CEO made his point at an event attended by hundreds of other non-profit officials. Ironically, motivated by this experience, some may have gone home...and cancelled their events ... without realizing the irony of doing so!

Note to Non-Profits: What Are You Selling?

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:50:00 +0000

Not long ago, I found myself in front of an audience of seasoned fundraisers. They seemed like a savvy bunch so I asked them what I thought was a pretty obvious question: "What are you selling?"

Initially, there was a dead silence.

Then, the answers trickled out. "A chance to give back." "Guilt." "We're not selling anything; they're investing."

Nice try. Then I asked the next question: "Is anybody else selling the same thing?"

Heads nodded.

"Do you think you're going to sell more of that or less of that in the future?" I asked. Light bulbs blinked on across the room.

Fact is, non-profits are selling something every time they receive a donation. It may not seem like that at first glance, but nobody I know gives money for nothing.

In these difficult times, when non-profits must work harder for every badly-needed cent, it pays for them to understand why their donors are giving -- or not. The "old" answers, which the fundraisers gave me, are really blunt tools.

I'd argue that the successful fundraisers are the ones that capture the trust and imagination of their donors. Those development professionals are adept at targeting and packaging their cases in new, innovative and powerful ways.

They KNOW what they're selling.

No Wheelchair for the Opera

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:30:00 +0000

About 50 yards ahead on the sidewalk, the empty wheelchair stood like a riderless horse. Next to it, on the ground was a pile of old clothes. People were rushing up and down the sidewalk, stepping around the pile of clothes.

When I got a little closer I could see that there was a person inside those clothes, lying helplessly on the ground. He apologized for being heavy as I helped him back into his machine.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Can you buy me a Big Gulp?"

"Sure," I replied. "What flavor?"

"Root beer."

I returned from the corner convenience store, handed him drink and wished my new friend well.

Then I rushed off for dinner with another friend who serves on the board of The Baltimore Opera Company. Over a better beverage than root beer, she announced sadly that the opera had that day decided to close after almost 60 years of performances. A great social asset is gone -- and it's not coming back.

"We had some promises of money, but there just wasn't enough out there," said general manager M. Kevin Wixted in The Baltimore Sun the next day. "To raise money for a season of opera was out of the question. We could have struggled on month to month, but we'd never get ahead. I know people wanted to believe we'd come back. But in this business, you have to depend on raising big money from people."

I guess they decided to stop putting the opera back in the wheelchair.

It’s a sad but important lesson of the economic downtown: we are all its victims -- from the homeless man on the street to the opera.

The Pound of Flesh

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:30:00 +0000

The pound of flesh, which I demand of him,
Is dearly bought; 'tis mine and I will have it.
If you deny me, fie upon your law!
There is no force in the decrees of Venice.
I stand for judgment: answer; shall I have it?
- Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

Thanks to an intensive period of blame-storming, we now know who is responsible for the global economic crisis. And, like Shakespeare’s Shylock, we are hungry for our just revenge.

Who is the guilty party?

Why, the Republicans, of course. And the Democrats, Congress, the Presidents, the regulators, the Federal Reserve Board, Wall Street, speculators, hedge funds, greedy investors, mortgage lenders, big banks, small banks, insurance companies, home buyers and sellers, student loan deadbeats, CEOs of all types, the auto industry, the energy industry, the Pentagon, welfare mothers, voters in Red States, voters in Blue States, the Chinese, the Europeans, the Russians, illegal immigrants, the Japanese, liberals, conservatives, libertarians, the school system, SUV drivers, Mexicans, health care providers, trade negotiators, union members, the press, African Americans, whites, city dwellers, suburbanites, farmers, coal miners, Baby Boomers, the elderly, youth, manufacturers of white flour and high-fructose corn syrup, pornographers, Catholics, fundamentalists, terrorists, bicycle riders, tattoo parlor owners, tree-huggers, ipod wearers, texters, government contractors, tax attorneys, everyone who lives in the Middle East, South Africans, and Google.

In fact, it’s pretty much everybody but you and me. And we deserve our pound of flesh. Yes, we do. What are you going to do with yours?

Victim of the Negative Thoughts Fog

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:30:00 +0000

A thoughtful friend occasionally emails a note entitled "Just a Thought. " A recent missive contained this thought: "Negative thoughts fog your thinking and your perception. With
each doubt, with each frustration, with each fear the fog grows heavier."

Good thoughts, I thought. Packing my brief case for the day, I thought of other thoughtful friends. I emailed the thought about negative thoughts to them. And, running a little late, I left for a client.

I arrived at the client and, without thinking, I reached into my brief case.

No computer.

In the fog of thoughts about negative thinking I never thought to pack the one item I absolutely needed for my presentation to the client. Frustrated, and thinking negative thoughts about my thinking, I feared I might not have enough time to make it home and back. Despite my doubts, I made it through the fog and returned to the client in time to deliver my presentation about the energy that comes from ... positive thinking.

Programmed Frustration

gc@goggc.com (Greg Conderacci) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:30:00 +0000

This is a story that illustrates a simple lesson: NEVER assume that the people who design your CRM systems know anything about customers, relationships or management.

I recently logged into a reservation system of a major hotel empire. I punched in the hotel I wanted, the dates, my preference for bed type, my personal information, my credit card number, AARP number, and hotel "membership" number. Of course, none of this was on a single "page." The system carefully digested each "bit" of information, then whirred and buzzed and re-displayed all the information, asking me to confirm each step. Finally, it displayed everything and then allowed me to hit the "purchase" button.

Click.

Instantly, a message appeared informing me that there was a problem and I should call an 800 number. So I did. Of course, I had to work my way through a phone tree before I talked with what could euphemistically be described as a customer service representative.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Our system is down. We're hoping it will be back up in an hour."

"What about all the information I entered?"

"I'm sorry, you'll have to re-enter it," he said.

Now, boys and girls, let's think about this for a minute. Why wouldn't the CRM experts design a system smart enough to tell you it was down before you enter the data? Indeed, what CRM genius would design a system so stupid that it makes you call a person -- just to tell you it was down? And why would you -- or anybody in his right mind -- enter the data AGAIN, since you'd never know until you were finished if the system got any of it?

Well, that's CRM -- but it's certainly not customer relations management.

I picked up the phone, called the hotel, and talked with a human at the front desk.