Ghosting Is Taking Control

Australia

2012-02-11T03:57:00.000-05:00

Well I found out that Brigitte is in Australia. I called her phone number and one of her step children answered and told me. She will be gone for a couple of months he said. I am not sure though if she is coming back or staying. She will decide something I am sure. I guess technically she is offically out of my life until she comes back or if she comes back. I will not lie I will miss her and yes I still love her perhaps I always will.

Health Issues

2012-02-02T23:51:00.000-05:00

Well, What can I really say? My health has been changing. I think more mentally then physically. I am feeling more depressed, and lonely. There isn't anyone I can connect to that really understand me except Brigitte. I am more sad lately I have not heard from Brigitte, we decided to be phone buddies. I have talked to her twice over the phone and that is it. It has been two weeks ago. She was contemplating a big decision.

A part of me thinks She decided on that decision, without saying goodbye. I really do not want to say more than that about her life, it wouldn't be right if I did. My mind seems going into a paranoia of being alone. I do not meet other people. I do not really know how. To be honest I am really anti-social. I am afraid of people. I prefer to stay away from everyone. I let Brigitte in. She was different.

She is the only one I ever fell in love with seriously in love. I don't want to let anyone else in. I can write I have no issues with writing on here. I do not know anyone personally that knows me on the Internet, except Brigitte and my sisters. They still do not read my blogs though. I kind of do not want them to read it. It sounds crazy but the Internet is like my safe zone in where I can truly be myself. Any way that is what is going on in my head mentally.

Now time for the physical health issues. I think my Multiple Sclerosis is getting worse. I think I feel my head swelling and I feel pressure. I feel my back always hurting and it my spine that hurts. The only thing to help the pressure feeling is an ice pack.

I was also diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, and Very low potassium levels. I have pitting edema in my legs. I don't know. My breathing seem to be short and shallow. My chest feels heavy. I also have this odd feeling like something is going to happen soon. I do not know what but what ever it is it is coming close.

The Need To Write.

2012-02-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

I needed to start writing again. I guess for my feelings. I am having issues again. I guess that is why I am writing. My Issue is Brigitte. I have not heard from her. I think SHe might have returned to

Australia

. I could be wrong though, but gut feeling doesn't tell me that. We are not a couple anymore, so in fact she has no strings to me to even stay incontact. There is no obligation to keep in touch. I wish there was though. I d not think I am ever going to be real happy again. I am pretty sure I will die alone. I do wish that it would just go a head and happen because I am tired of live. I am so tired of living and I see no point in it. I am a very unhappy person. I just wish God would just do what ever. I really do think that he may not exsist that people just make God up because they need to have some feeling that they are not in control of their life. I don't know. I just hate it all really. Maybe one day, who knows.

© 2012 M.J.M (Ghosting Miranda)

Graduated!

2011-10-29T03:59:00.000-04:00

Well It is official I graduated from college. I got my Association of Arts in Business Administrations my concentration is visual communications. It has been a long couple of years. Now I am back in college going for my Bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts of web design and my concentration is still in the visual communication field. I plan on actually getting a Masters Degree. I will have to locate a new school for that though. I am excited. I feel like I passed a milestone in my life. A lot of things have happened to me this year. Brigitte and I ended our relationship this year. October 7th would have been our 5th anniversary. It is really hard but I think it was a mind game with her. It hurt. It still hurts, and I also still love her. I guess I always will. In my heart and mind she was “the one”. She was the kind of person that people get the feeling about. Do you know what I mean? There was a lot of mentally and emotional abuse. It was a decision I had to make. Even though you love them, they just were not healthy for you. I guess perhaps I passed two milestones they were both good for me, even though one was sad as well.

Me Again

2011-05-18T03:31:00.000-04:00

Hey their folks ! Long time no see. I have been really busy with school. Right now I am in Project Management. It isn’t too bad but my teacher is a total DICK. I have three more classes then I get my associates degree in visual communication. Then After that class I start working to get my bachelors degree in Digital Design.

How is my Health Doing? Unfortunately I am going through my second relapses with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I believe that I am suffering from dysarthria. The neurologist doesn’t consider what I am going through a relapse. All they did was give me Gapatine for nerve pain. I have to take 300mg of it at night before I go to bed.

Sick

2010-10-11T11:54:00.000-04:00

Well I appear to be really sick. Yesterday I felt like I was dyeing. I had a fever and everything. When a person with Multiple Sclerosis is sick, it gives the person a hell of a time.

I do feel a lot better though yesterday I couldn’t even get on the computer or even have a life. I was on bed rest. I finally got my yoga gear today. I can not wait until I am better. I want to get started on it. I started my accounting class last week. I do not like it. I hate anything with math. I have two assignments to do. The bad thing about doing online classes is that you have no excuse to not turn in assignments. You really do not have no excuse to miss class. I have been waiting for an email from my teacher. I had an issue with posting to the discussion board. The format is just not right. I wrote the teacher three days ago. By rules he is suppose to get a hold of me and well He has not.

The neighbors are harvesting their corn. It is putting dry dust everywhere. It makes it hard to breathe. Well wish me luck people that I feel better soon.

My MS Yoga

2010-10-06T02:43:00.000-04:00

Out of curiosity I wound up and ordered a free yoga video for people who have Multiple Sclerosis.It is called MYMSYOGA with BARON BAPTISTE and Dr. Elliot Frohman

I am really going to really try to do this. I have even ordered a beginners yoga kit. It come with blocks, a matt, a belt, and a ball. I am not sure if I will lose weight while doing this but I am not really concerned about that. What I am concerned about are the muscles in my feet. The soles of my feet feel like they are ripping apart when I walk on them. It causes me great pain. I know walking is also good but for right now I do not see myself enjoying walking for an exercise. Here is the site to get a free Yoga video for those who have MS.

Order a Free Copy of the My MS Yoga DVD

Exercising

2010-10-03T00:15:00.001-04:00

Yes people i got lectured for not exercising. I got the you know how it is important for you to keep moving because you got Multiple Sclerosis !!!! I know what I should do. It is just so freaking hard for me to move. I am always in pain, and I just can not do what I use to do and it makes me angry. It makes me angry that i can not walk as far and fast like i use to. I do not like feeling angry every time i exercise but that is what happens. SO i have been avoiding it. It seems like no one understands this except for me. I feel like if people understood what I was going through perhaps they would lay off the lectures, and the disappointed looks. I get so tired of living with this god awful disease.

I am A Great Aunt

2010-09-06T23:51:00.000-04:00

Well my niece finally popped out a baby girl.

Art Appreciation Assignment.

2010-09-03T00:56:00.000-04:00

Well I am having issues with an assignment. It is really hard for me. this is what we are suppose to do this week. I found some images I am just not to sure about them. I have to go to a class chat session. My instructor said that she would go over how we are suppose to find the art that she is looking for.

Central watchtower, architectural model, Eastern Han dynasty (25–220), 1st–early 3rd century
China
Earthenware with green lead glaze
Source: Central watchtower [China] (1984.397) | Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History | The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Assignment Type: Individual Project Deliverable Length: 500 words (not including references)
Points Possible: 100 Due Date: 9/5/2010 11:59:59 PM CT

Visit the following websites and explore the collections of Ancient Art there:

The Metropolitan Museum of Art
The Louvre Museum
The Smithsonian Institution Freer Gallery and Sackler Gallery

See the Course Materials List for access to these sites.

From the gallery websites listed above, and available through the Course Materials List, select two works of art from any ancient culture. Using the terminology and concepts you are learning for evaluating art, compare and contrast the two works including materials used, style, meaning, symbolism, and any other aesthetic issues. Explain how the works of art fit into the context of the time period. Keep in mind that only art works that fit into the period of Ancient Art (created between 30,000 BCE- 500 CE) will be accepted.

You are required to comply with APA style format for quotations, internal citations and a reference list. For additional information and resources on APA, visit the APA section of the Library, available under "Library Features."

For information on Macintosh Word shortcuts, click here.

Please submit the final paper with the URLs for the art work you chose.

8/30/2010 6:07

2010-08-30T06:07:00.000-04:00

I am depressed this morning. I am not sure why. My niece went to the hospital again. She went into labor again. She was at the hospital for 3 hours. The hospital sent her home even though she was still having contractions. I have been up all night thinking about this and that, whatever came to mind.I seem to be full of deep thoughts of the past. My mind always feels like I am lost. Sometimes I feel like life is in the distance, that I am just still watching life go on from a strangers point of view. I have watched a couple of Horror movies during the night. I put them on my horror blog for people to watch if they want. Well i guess I am finished writing this post right now. I do not have anything else to say. Thank you for reading everyone.

God Bless

Business and Leadership

2010-08-26T01:47:00.000-04:00

Well I finished my business and Leadership class with an A. I started my Art Appreciation class Monday. I am sort of worried about that class. We do not have a chat session for that class until Friday.

I already turned my homework assignment. My short term memory is bothering me when it comes to remembering things. I can not seem to remember what I read out of my text book. I feel like this is going to be a hard class for me. I never was good at different artist techniques. I just was good at doing my own work.

My Multiple Sclerosis has been bothering me for the last two days. I have been walking on foot cramps and double dosing myself on my flexrile. I also have been double dosing myself on my ultrum. I talked to the doctor about getting some stronger medication, but he hasn’t yet. Also for the last two days I have been spending more time in bed sleeping.

I need to start doing things that are better for me. Some reason I have not been, or have even felt like doing things. It is hard to do things when you don’t really care. I wish I had someone who actually motivates me to care. I wish I had someone on my case all the time, but doing things with me. I don’t know I would probably get sick of that as well.

Up early with thoughts.

2010-08-24T06:19:00.000-04:00

Today I am up at way early then what I am use to be up. I have been thinking about my school assignment for my new class. I am in Art Appreciation now. I passed my other classes with an A’s and B’s. I am not sure why but I feel this class is going to be harder.

Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed, because I was in pain. My medicine had basically wiped me out yesterday. I still have the pain issue with Multiple Sclerosis. I do not think I will ever get rid of it. I think that is just how my MS is going to affect me. I might not be in a wheel chair. I might not have to use a cane to get around, but I am constantly on pain medication, and feeling pain. The medications do not even touch the pain. I have it anyways. I wonder to myself then why bother with pain pills?

I am also trying to fight off depression this early in the morning. I can feel it coming. I am not their yet but I can feel it on the verge. I feel like I am a very unhappy person this morning, but I am trying to fight it off.

My grandfather isn’t doing well either. He had another stroke. He is on comfort measure only.

Maybe that is the reason why I am feeling the way I feel today.

Thank you

2010-08-22T21:39:00.000-04:00

I wanted to say thank you to all those that nominated me for this award. I was not expecting it, and I honestly did not know that something like this exist. I will try to start writing again in between school assignments.

Thank you all again. This award would not have happened without those who read this blog. Thank you

Presented by: Medical Assistant

You tube Video I made

2010-05-07T23:56:00.001-04:00

Studying

2010-05-06T03:40:00.001-04:00

Well I have been keeping my nose to the computer for school. I have to say computer because since I am going to an online school. I do not have text books. I have E-books. I have to read 5 chapters on everything about the cell. I also have to do a Discussion Board and also A Individual Project on Photosynthesis and Aerobic Cellular Respiration. I have to feel out a chart and also answer some questions. That is why I have not been keeping up with my blogs as well as I should be doing. SO far I have received an A on my essay that I had to write. I received a B on my discussion board project. I would have received an A but I forgot to put the references on where I got my informational well I now know I am actually grateful for my grades I get now because they are not F’s.. Thank God it is not algebra, unfortunately I have to retake algebra because I did receive an F in that class. Well You all will hear from me when you hear from me I never can say when that will be because my schooling.

Biology Essay

2010-05-01T23:54:00.001-04:00

Biology work is done. Here is my essay I had to write for Biology. This will be a long post

Abstract

This paper is about the scientific method that it takes to discover what will happen to the environment if it does not rain in a period of 3 months. It describes the appropriate measure to do the experiment and the ending result. It describes how rain affects plant life and the soil in which the plants grow.

Observation

It has been raining all week. The environment is wet right now. The plants and the soil have a rich color to them. The color suggests that everything is healthy and the plants and soil are receiving the appropriate amount of rain to keep the environment healthy and alive.

Question

The question in which I asked myself is what will happen to the environment if it stopped raining in the period of three months?

Hypothesis

Rain keeps everything healthy and alive. It is the source of all life with in an environment. Without rain plant growth will decrease and eventually die. The soil will become a dusty grey color. In the period of three months the healthy environment will show the lack of water that it has received by the plants and the soil. The environment that has received rain or water will appear healthier and rich in color and growth.

Prediction

The environment with less rain will slowly start to die. Plants will lose the richness in color and will slowly begin to wilt and die. The ground will become a grayish color and grow hard. Water is the source of all life with in an environment. Without rain or water, everything will start to die in a period of months.

Experiment

For the experiment I have chosen to do, I will need two ten gallon aquarium tanks. In each aquarium I will set up a model of a healthy environment. In each aquarium I will set up live plants and soil. After each environment is made I will place the aquarium next to the window so they may both receive natural light from the sun. Over the period of three months I will cause it to rain by using a watering pitcher. I will water one aquarium and completely ignore the other aquarium until the experiment is over. The experiment will last a total of three months. This experiment should be able to show me how rain effects the environment.

Conclusion

The environment that was not watered has signs of neglect. Some of the plants in the aquarium that was ignored had died. The plants that are still alive are wilted and have a dull color to them. The soil has become a grey color, and hard as a brick. The environment that was watered has a rich vibrant color. The soil is a rich dark color and is soft to the touch. The plants are not showing a single sign of neglect. In fact some of the plants have grown and look much fuller in comparison to what they were before they were planted in the aquarium. The plants in the aquarium that was not watered are wilted. The colors of the plants are a dull green. They are a thinner in comparison to the aquarium that was watered. It has been proven to me by the experiment that water is a source of life to the environment. Without water everything will dry out and die.

xXDestination UnKnownXx

2010-04-30T07:10:00.001-04:00

I am sitting here in a paltalk chat room listening to music. I am not really having any fun. I am thinking about Biology I have that paper I have to write. I came down with an Idea of an experiment. It is an easy one thank God that it can be easy. I experiment is what happens to an environment if it doesn’t rain. I have a plan already and an idea on what I want to say but when it comes to writing it i do not know how. My Instructor Dr Falls wants subheadings in the paper I never wrote a paper with subheadings I am afraid it will interrupt me. Also my plans to spend my Birthday with my partner has been canceled She still isn’t feeling well and also the lack of money is a reason as well. Yes I am disappointed but what am I suppose to do. There is nothing that I can do. I thought I prepared myself enough so that it wouldn’t bother me so much but I was wrong I guess. Any way that is what is going on in my neck of the woods. I feel like the name of the chat room I am in destination unknown.

Days confused

2010-04-27T02:25:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I got my days confused I thought I had a neurologist appointment but I did not. He is only at the hospital on Thursdays. I sat there for half an hour till I realized the place was closed where my doctor was at. I wound up walking to my mothers doctor because she had an appointment. The time I got to the doctor office I lost all my feeling in my legs it was bad. My legs were shaking and everything. My legs are weak I need to build them up. I think I will start weight lifting. I heard it is suppose to help those with Multiple Sclerosis.

Today

2010-04-26T03:10:00.000-04:00

Today I have a neurology appointment. I get to see how much my MS progressed. I also get to complain again about pain. My neurologist is a person that believes MS doesn’t cause pain. I read where he is wrong and why he doesn’t research it for himself who knows why. I wish I could convince him of it. I just do not know how. Wondering if anyone has any suggestions if you could email me. I am sort of desperate for some kind of answer. Does anyone else have any troubles trying to convince a doctor that something isn’t right? I also start Biology today. The first three chapters in my text book is about chemistry though. I wish they would keep that separate even though it has something to do with biology.

First Assignment in Biology.

2010-04-24T05:32:00.001-04:00

I thought I would do something different. I wanted you all to see what my assignments look like from AIU. This is my first assignment. It is real long. I hope I will do all right on this.

Read Scientific Inquiry, Controlled Experiments Then and Now, pages 6-7 of your textbook.

Start by observing the living species around you. Ever wonder why a pollinator is attracted to a particular flower, or what would happen to predator species if a particular prey species is eliminated? If you were a scientist you could do an experiment to answer your question.

For this assignment, choose two non-human species that interact with each other, such as bees and flowers, or predator and prey species, or two species that compete. Or, you can consider the effect of an environmental factor on living non- human organisms, such as the effects of light or sound on plants or animals, or how food preference, or nutrient quantity / quality affect plants or animals. These are just a few examples. Your observations may lead you to many other types of questions about living organisms, their interactions, and requirements for life.

Start with an Introduction/Observation and move through the steps of the Scientific Method as outlined below. Your paper should follow this format.

Remember, you don't have to actually do the experiment, just write what you would do to test your hypothesis.

Observations / Introduction: Describe your observation. Include background information about your observations that you have found using references. List and cite references using APA format.

Question: Ask a question about the observation that you have made.

Hypothesis: Write a statement that describes your explanation for the observation and question.

Prediction: What do you predict as outcomes (results) of this experiment? (An “If … Then” Statement)

Controlled Experiment and Methods: Describe the experiment, variables to be held constant, variable to be tested, and controls. What data will be collected? Keep this simple and test only one variable at a time; holding the others constant.

Results: Give the results (data) for the experiment. This will be created (imagined) by you since you are not actually doing this experiment.

Conclusion / Discussion: Do you reject or accept the hypothesis based on the results? Discuss what this means in terms of the hypothesis, or need for additional experiments, or perhaps practical use of the results.

Avoided

2010-04-23T21:51:00.001-04:00

I am feeling alone, left in the dark.

I am feeling strange here.

Are you avoiding me?

So many feelings are overwhelming me.

Where are you? Where can you be?

Speak to me.

I need to feel that you love me.

I need to know that you care.

Right now I am feeling like I am speaking to empty air.

Where are you now?

Can you tell from the sound of my voice, that I need you now?

Please speak to me, my heart is breaking now.

Please don’t avoid me, I need you now.

Biology

2010-04-23T14:23:00.000-04:00

Well my class starts Monday. I read through one of the assignments it does sound interesting. I have to read chapters1-3 then do an individual assignment and a discussion board assignment. I pray that this class is easier then algebra. I have to retake algebra after the Biology class is over with. I am hoping it all goes over smoothly the second time around.

I still have a lot on my mind. Sometimes I feel like a certain person is avoiding me lately but that could just be my mind trying to make sense of things. I have not really heard anything about my trip in May. I am not sure if it is going to happen. I guess that is why a certain person I feel is avoiding me.

I feel like my trip isn’t going to happen. I have mixed feelings over it honestly. I do know it will effect some of my schooling if I do go. I wish it wouldn’t but that is how things seemed to be scheduled with school. I am feeling really tired today as well. I do not think I am feeling well today. I hope what ever is going on with me gets out of my system by Monday because that is when my class starts.

The Only One I need

2010-04-21T01:27:00.001-04:00

I want to hold You in my arms.
I don't want to let You go.
I want to whisper in Your ear,
How You have touched my soul.
You lift me up,
When I am down.
You make me smile even if You're not around.
I want to put my arms around You and dance with You in the moonlight.
I want to look into Your beautiful eyes of blue, and tell You I love You.
That I need You.
You are the only woman in this world for me.
The only one I need.
You make me happy.
You make me believe in endless possibilities.
You are everything, You are the woman of my dreams.
The only One I need.

This poem was written with love. It was inspired by a wonderful woman who i have fallen for. She has left a mark on my soul for life.

Nephew is back

2010-04-20T02:55:00.001-04:00

My nephew is back in the States. He was stuck in Iraq, because of the Iceland volcano erupting. I am feeling really happy right now, I am also really drugged out of my mind. I used dads vicodin. I am not feeling any pain right now so I am really happy. WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee XOXOXOX’s to all those who read my blogs.

Links for 2009-07-12 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-07-13T00:00:00-07:00

Links for 2009-07-11 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-07-12T00:00:00-07:00

Sister: Journalist says she broke N. Korean law
URL: Sister: Journalist says she broke N. Korean law Well She broke the law. I do not feel sorry for her. Since She did break the law I do not think we should have anything to do with it. Our president needs to stay out of it. So she is getting what she deserves. She knew better, and she still chose to break the law so she needs to deal with the consequences.

Links for 2009-07-08 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-07-09T00:00:00-07:00

China Riots – Muslim Group Riots, At least 140 Dead
URL: China Riots – Muslim Group Riots, At least 140 Dead This made me think back in time in the history books. This reminded me of the lessons about the old dynasty's of china. Specialty with the names.

Links for 2009-07-05 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-07-06T00:00:00-07:00

WHO Warns Swine Flu ‘Unstoppable’
URL: WHO Warns Swine Flu ‘Unstoppable’People might call me nuts, but I really do not think this is dangerous. I think it was a diversion to keep our minds off the economy, and I believe it was invented by the government, sense they invented the first one in 1967, who knows maybe this is what revelations wee talking about, since we already have ViroChips' RFID . Wahahahahaha Laughs like a mad scientist on crack.

Links for 2009-07-03 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-07-04T00:00:00-07:00

U.S. study: New flu inefficient in attacking people
URL: U.S. study: New flu inefficient in attacking people I really do not think this flu is really that serious, I think it was used as a diversion. Think about it, there are more deaths that happen with the regular flu then what this has caused

Links for 2009-06-29 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-06-30T00:00:00-07:00

Teen Hackers To Battle al-Qaeda
URL: Teen Hackers To Battle al-Qaeda You know I really suport this. I wish more people who have talented abilities with the computer, would use their abilities for good. Just think about it. If all the computer hackers got together, and went after those who threaten the security of our country. It would be awesome, then on the other hand instead of worrying about other countries we just would have to worry about the hackers LOL. But seriously I do think it is worth a shot. the United States really should look into this idea.

Links for 2009-06-25 [Bloglines Clip Blog]

2009-06-26T00:00:00-07:00

8 Children Burned In Homemade Acid-Bomb Attack
" The incident happened about 8 p.m. on Sunday at S. 8th Street in the Williamsburg section of the borough. One of the victims, 10-year-old Yaakov Frankel, along with several witnesses told police that someone ran out of a building across the street from the courtyard where children were playing and tossed the homemade device at them. " This scene wouldn't have happen if those kids were off the street and inside their house. For Christ sakes. It was 10:00 at night when this had happen. Children who are under a certain age should have been in the house before 10:00 Pm. Also if the child saw someone coming out of the building, chances are they the cops have a good lead on who ever made this biochemical bomb. Do not get me wrong I do not support the one who made the bomb, and thrown it at the children. I think that was dead wrong. That person should be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law. I also feel though the parents or the people watching the children are partially to blame. If the children were inside a house being watched way before 10pm these children wouldn't have been in harms way.