gemmak

Remembering....

2009-11-08T10:57:00.003Z

I'll apologise before I begin....

2009-11-06T20:21:00.005Z

...because this post might just turn into a temporary pity party, I have had a bad day, I'm fed up, thoroughly pissed off and losing sight, just for an hour or two, of the principle of 'making the best of it'!

So what's got my goat? Well right now it feels like just about everything, though of course it's not but it's been a day of others ill tempers aimed in my direction or in the direction of those I love, I have been soaked in the rain, not once but twice running errands, I have had my day planned and un-planned for me without reference to myself, I have spent half the afternoon having a text row with a guy who has some serious issues understanding the term "no, sorry I don't want to see you tonight" ~~or any other night for that matter~~ which degenerated badly when he began hurling juvenile insults in my direction, I pulled the plug promptly at that point I might add.

I also have an extremely sore middle finger on my left hand as the result of a very bloody run in with an open tin can last night, (fab, I'm left handed) I'm constantly tired and I am fed up to the back teeth of having to think and remember a thousand and one things all the time and of feeling like I have the weight of the world firmly strapped on my little back!

Oh...and the one thing I had hoped might save the day, didn't happen. Wouldn't you know it!

I miss being me, I miss having a life, I miss having fun and save for the odd exception I feel like I can't remember what fun even feels like, or carefree.....or happy .....or relaxed.....or normal!

I know we all go through crappy periods in our lives, we all have bad days, many much worse than mine, and I know my situation is no-one's fault. Far from it. And yes, I know I'll feel better in the morning and yes, mostly I'm happy and more than willing to be doing what I have to do right now... but just today, just right here and right now I need to have five minutes of 'selfish and disgruntled and snivelling', before I gather my thoughts and get back on track.

*Rant over, I apologise once more.

My mum....

2009-11-05T08:04:00.011Z

...is 80 today!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

There is humour in all things!

2009-11-03T08:55:00.005Z

So....we live in a three story house and this now presents problems for TP as his illness progresses and he becomes weaker. He needs to be able to navigate at least one set of stairs successfully to have a decent quality of life and this has become something of a logistical nightmare recently.

I am not strong enough to haul him up and down and even if I was it is neither dignified nor comfortable for him. It is also dangerous, should he fall he is highly likely to injure himself, and me for that matter, and I'm not sure I could 'catch' him if need be!

The solution? It was decided by the committee (thats' me, my mother and TP) yesterday that now is the time to call on the assistance of a stairlift.... and time being of the essence we set about finding a company that could provide the service poste haste.

One was found without much ado and the appointment for said hardware to be installed was promptly made for tomorrow.

What is not lost on us is that tomorrow is just one day before my mother's 80th birthday and a stair lift seems a rather amusing (and ahem 'appropriate') acquisition just a day before one becomes an octogenarian does it not?!

Luckily my mother also has a sense of humour!

Leaving on a jet plane!

2009-11-01T19:16:00.005Z

So, today, after over seven months of red tape and the trials and tribulations of the immigration services, and having finally got his visa to move to the U.S delivered into his hand last week, Ian took off on a flight from Heathrow at 15.00hrs today bound for Omaha Nebraska and a whole new life with Lisa, one of my very best friends!!!

I can't believe it has finally happened for them, at 04.00GMT they will be reunited after a very long time apart and they will be married sometime soon.

If ever there was a fairy story come true it's theirs and having been kind of involved from the outset I have to say that even for me as a third party, today feels a pretty special day. I might even admit to shedding the odd happy tear on their behalf and to being somewhat overly excited when Ian called me this morning en-route, to get me to check some flight details at the last minute.

Congratulations on getting to now you two, you both deserve a lot of happiness and the most amazing future together. You earned it one way and another!

I love you guys! Be very, very happy :o)

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T09:39:00.003Z

It's taken me until now, all these years, to finally make one of these, I just couldn't resist this year. Ta daa, my first ever pumpkin lantern....

...and no, I have no intention whatsoever of growing up, in fact I suspect I am reverting and I'm all for it! ;o)

Some days....

2009-10-30T20:48:00.003Z

.....you just know you should never have got up in the morning.

Horrible, nasty, crappy day! I will be more than glad to see the back of it.

Ugh!

That's all.

Caught in a web!

2009-10-29T21:03:00.008Z

I hasten to add, I checked thoroughly that there was no one 'at home' before I even considered taking these!

(You may need to click and enlarge to see the catch!)

Frustration and happiness

2009-10-27T20:43:00.012Z

I am frustrated, (no guys not that kind of frustrated). I am frustrated by my recent inability to blog, not because I can't think any longer of things to blog about, rather the reverse, I can, I have so much I would like to be able to 'get out there' but for innumerable reasons I just can't.

Other people's privacy, the feelings of others, the nature of some of what has been happening, you name it, it seems that most of my current life, is for blogging purposes at least, off limits for the time being. It's driving me quietly insane ~~what I am already?~~ but there is nothing I can do to circumnavigate the situation right now....why oh why does Blogger not offer the protected posts facility that Wordpress does?

I could of course migrate to Wordpress but I don't in all honesty want to lose what's here and I suspect the transfer, despite promises on the Wordpress blurb that it will all be easily moved is a little on the optimistic side!

I will think of some way around it before long but until then suffice to say, things with TP are as to be expected, we are still battling on but it's a rough ride. My life is still in a kind of limbo and it's all pretty surreal. There are one or two bright spots and we make the most of the situation we find ourselves in but mostly we live day to day and deal with stuff as it hits us, which it does, with regular monotony.

There is one particular happiness to report though, an update on my post a few days back "America says I can get married". For those of you who haven't already heard, Ian got his visa today, he gets on a one way flight to the U.S. on Sunday and Lisa and he can at last be together and be married!!!

How cool and romantic and lovely is that!? :o)

For the girls!

2009-10-24T08:32:00.007+01:00

A little something to remind us that the clocks go back this weekend.

Enjoy! ;o)

.

"America says I can get married"

2009-10-21T20:36:00.003+01:00

Those are the words of a text I just received from Ian, words both he and Lisa, one of my very best friends, have been waiting to to say for over a year now!

What does it mean exactly? Well Lisa and Ian have been going through the long and often times difficult and frustrating process of trying to be together when living on separate continents. The upside for me of course was that I got to meet Lisa twice last year after five years of online friendship but there has been some pretty 'un-up' aspects for them trying to navigate the immigration rules and regs.

Much air travel, paperwork and hassle later, this morning Ian, having gone for the final interview stage in the process this morning, has finally been granted permission by the United States embassy to move to America and marry Lisa!!!

Yayyyyyyy!

It's been a long road as they say but at last the very best news!

Congratulations to you both!

I annoy me!

2009-10-20T20:27:00.011+01:00

My dental traumas have long been catalogued here (see 'dentistry'tag) but to cut a long story short I have periodontal disease, the result of which is that over time my teeth are loosening and will fall out. Do not go there, the thought horrifies me let alone the reality but there is little to be done and right now, in fact for the last two years, I have one back tooth that really doesn't want to be where it should be any longer.

And thereby hangs something of a problem. I am dental phobic. I have dealt with it in the main, I have always gone to the dentist albeit under the influence of Valium, save for a period in Scotland when dentistry in the UK first became something of an economic stupidity between those practising and the government, but I have never managed to get a grip of the extraction carry on. No way. Nope. You are not pulling anything out of my head, I don't care how much anaesthesia you inject into me or how much you try to convince me it won't hurt, you are still not doing it Mr Dentist. Sorry, but just no!

So, I now have the aforementioned back tooth that is all but hanging on by a thread, it hurts all the time (they all hurt all the time courtesy of the perio. disease but this one is bad hurt), I can't eat properly, I constantly have infections, yada, yada, yada but can I get myself together enough to bite the bullet? (no pun intended) No! Seemingly I can't!

Jeez....I annoy me at times!

I did finally today persuade myself into the surgery in the hope that in my brave moment they would do the deed but it was not to be, they insisted I have an appointment. I insisted that would be pointless because I wouldn't actually make it, they insisted there was no other way, not even if I was prepared to sit and wait. I left, still with the offending tooth.

Back to square one!

I really must get myself together and sort this out but somehow, each time I try, my resolve weakens and I either cancel the appointment or 'leg it' at the last moment. I am a grown woman, it is wholly pathetic I know but knowing that doesn't help!

What is most galling is that my teeth themselves are nigh on perfect, nothing wrong with them... it's the jaw bone that's the issue so as if losing one's teeth isn't bad enough I will lose un-filled, un-capped, perfect working order teeth! Ack.

Did I mention I annoy me intensely at times?

All the world's a stage

2009-10-18T15:33:00.002+01:00

I don't think I retained a great deal from my days in education but for some inexplicable reason one thing stuck firmly in my mind and recently I find myself keep repeating parts of it in my head.

Somehow, though very little of my education seemed relevant at the time, right now this seems to be the exception and to have new relevance.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' brow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

William Shakespeare.
'As you like it' - Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)

Saturday silliness!

2009-10-17T20:01:00.006+01:00

A very lazy post but both worth a watch and a giggle!:o)

Cat betrays his girlfriend.

Best wedding entrance...ever!

Suddenly....

2009-10-14T11:57:00.001+01:00

...life seems a little more smiley!

That's all.

:o)

The husband song

2009-10-13T11:03:00.002+01:00

For all you hard done by guys, a little something you may identify with and to make you laugh. ;o)

Bloody computers!

2009-10-12T09:53:00.007+01:00

I have spent the better part of the last three days trying to fix TP's computer, which, to put it in *ahem* technical terms, is completely and utterly borked!

I won't bore you with the details but it's status is far from happy and having tried absolutely everything I can think of, within my limited knowledge, it remains, still to this moment, completely and utterly borked! Nothing I have done has made a significant difference and most of what I would have liked to have tried I haven't been able too because of the problem I am trying to fix!

So...I have thrown in the towel, given up, admitted defeat, gone away with my tail between my legs and as I type, nice 'Mr Pro computer fixing guy' is taking a look at some considerable expense....and I have that horrible feeling that any minute now I am going to get a rather large dollop of egg on my face!

Watch this space.

Ugh!

Manic!

2009-10-09T10:17:00.006+01:00

Life has become somewhat manic of late and I can't really even define exactly why but between hospital appointments, the day to day minutiae of life and trying to fit in just a tiny bit of a life, I seem to need something like 28 hours in each day at the moment!

It is thus that I have been somewhat absent in these parts...shamefully absent I will admit but it just can't be helped, when the going gets manic something has to 'give' and it's been this recently.

I am however 'onto it' and things may improve slightly, if not please just bear with me while my efforts are concentrated elsewhere.

On the positive side this doesn't mean things at chez gemmak have deteriorated, the reverse in fact. TP has been considerably stabilised having spent a few days 'holiday', as it has affectionately become known as here, at the local and very amazing hospice and quality of life has been upped significantly.

So that's it, life is a little manic but I haven't disappeared, rather just become slightly distracted on and off! ;o)

Cotton wool clouds

2009-10-07T21:59:00.001+01:00

(Clickable)

Summer's final fling!

2009-10-05T09:21:00.001+01:00

(Clickable)

Something amazing happened!

2009-10-03T08:56:00.005+01:00

Life has a habit of surprising us at the most unexpected of times and this Thursday just gone was one of those times.

TP was admitted into the local hospice for a small palliative procedure for a few days on Thursday and whilst it is indeed an amazing place providing an amazing service, that isn't the story I am referring to in the title of this post.

Walking in on Thursday I was suddenly confronted by a nurse, grabbing hold of me and exclaiming loudly 'Oh my God, it's you!' At this point you will understand that I was somewhat surprised and not a little confused! The lady in question was very vaguely familiar to me but I couldn't work out why and she certainly wasn't someone I expected to be greeting me in such an effusive manner.

Having hugged me seemingly unendingly she began to enlighten me;

It transpires that years ago, maybe twelve or thirteen, when I was working on a customer services desk for a national retailer, she had been a customer. I won't bore you with the minutiae but she had 'taken issue' with me over a purchase she had made and we had become involved in a protracted conversation.... which along the way had moved from it's initial subject to something more personal and something that I have experience and some knowledge of.

Apparently I talked to her at some length, offered some advice and she left but what I said to her had somehow 'hit home'where others hadn't. She took my advice within days, did what needed to be done and the result, and this is the amazing bit, that she now considers that I quite literally saved her life!!! She tried to find me sometime later to thank me but I had left the area. She said she has thought of me often since and wondered if we would ever meet again so she could tell me how I helped her.

To say I am gobsmacked would be a pretty big understatement and whilst I'm sure she would have managed to find her way without my advice it is very humbling and pretty amazing to think I might have helped in any way. To feel that she even remembered the incident let alone that it had any impact on her life just amazes me.

We of course sat chatting for a while catching up and she then proceeded to drag me embarrassingly around the building by the arm excitedly introducing me to her colleagues as 'the woman that saved my life' *blush, ever wanted to hide in a hole?*

What is truly amazing though is that somehow we met all those years ago and I helped her unknowingly and now she has re-appeared in my life by coincidence, this time to help me and mine!

Life can be very surprising and very special when you least expect it sometimes!

It is a good thing....

2009-09-30T08:05:00.005+01:00

....to realise that he who broke your heart and shattered your life is no longer the last thing on your mind as you fall asleep at night or the first thing on your mind as you wake up each morning!

A very good thing. :o)

Autumn sunset!

2009-09-28T21:19:00.004+01:00

This evening....

(Clickable)

All grown up!

2009-09-26T09:50:00.005+01:00

Remember these?....

Well they turned into these....

More here.

I haz a happy.....

2009-09-25T11:32:00.011+01:00

....I'm not altogether sure why ~~ahem~~,but I woke up this morning feeling particularly smiley and of late this isn't the usual condition in which I find myself, in fact it's most odd!

And better still, despite things going on around me doing their level best to reverse my current unexpected state I seem to be able, for now at least, to rise above it all and hang onto my happy! :o))

Long may it last....