funny pictures: funny stories: funny jokes: full of fun:

Smallsansar Full Of Laughs

2010-05-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome to smallsansar "Full Of LAUGHS" Try to live happily in the precious moment of life. Share love and be always Happy.
Enjoy Your Time.

1.Toilet Encounter 2.Funny Lovers
3.Funny Doctor 4.Puppy Love
5.Smart Student 6.Send free sms worldwide

Hidden Camere - sNAKE IN A mall

dID yOU kNOW?
cHARLIE cHAPLIN WAS THE FAMOUS PERSON(COMEDIAN) WHO HAD THE EXTRA POWER OF CREATION THAT HE CAN MAKE A MAN LAUGHING ALL THE TIME. IT IS SAID THAT ADOLF HITLER DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM INSTEAD HE WAS A JEWS BECAUSE OF HIS CREATIVITY OF MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH. HE WAS BANNED TO PERFORM HIS SHOW TALKING BECAUSE IT IS SAID THAT SOME PEOPLE DIED WHILE LAUGHING SO MUCH IN HIS SHOW.

wATCH OUT hiS ONE OF THE bEST SHOW.......

bEST OF CHARLIE CHAPLIN

Hindi Jokes | Funny Hindi Jokes | Short Hindi Sms Jokes

2009-11-23T23:57:00.000-08:00

Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!

Kanjoos : Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Dukandar : 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
Dukandar : 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos :Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de.

Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena
parega!!!

Ladki : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Ladka : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut padi,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos :Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay !

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the, to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu, so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata dekh patni ne pati se kaha

– Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena, paas karke dikha.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.
Bhola: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Teacher : Santa batao `M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha,
Dost : Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos : Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda..

Totally Funny Jokes | Funniest Jokes Ever

2009-11-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Nepali Jokes | Read Nepali Jokes | Have Fun Reading Jokes

2009-11-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

Mohan : K ho Shyam, timro daat ajahi dukhiraheko chha ? aaba
chinta nagara yesko upachar masanga chha.

Shyam : Kasto upachar ?

Mohan : Thaha chha, jaba mero daat dukchha, mata sidha
ghar janchhu ra meri srimati laai angalo halera sutchhu.

Shyam : A teso bhaye aile timro srimati yetibela kaha
bhetinchin ta.

----------------------------

Mohan : Yaar, euta khusi ko kura chha, Ma ra meri
premika bibaha gardai chhau ?

Shyam : Ho ra , ani kahile gardai chhau ta bihe ?

Mohan : Maile Magh 3 gate ra unle chai Phalgun 8 gate.

----------------------------

Roshniko bibaha paschat unki sashule unlai samjhaain : Hera
, Aaja dekhi timi malai aafnai aama samjha, Mohan ko buba laai
aafnai buba samjha.

K hi ber pachhhi dhokako ghanti bajchha.

Sashu : Hera ta chori dhokama ko chha ?

Roshnile dhoka kholin ra Mohan lai dekhera
: Aama dai aaunu bhayechha !]

----------------------------

Pasale : Hera Mohan, grahak laai kahile pani khali pathaunu
hudaina, yedi grahak le mageko saaman chaina bhane turantai arko mildo juldo
saaman offer garnu parchha.

Tetibela euta Grahak aaucha ra Toilet Paper magchha.

Mohan : Toilet Paper ta chaina, khaksi diu ?

----------------------------

Ekpatak teen ota phal ek aapas ma guff gardai thia .

Apple : Malai ta sabaile dhoyera katera khanchan.

Ambak : Malai pani sabaile dhoyera katera khanchan.

Kera chai chup-chap lagera basiraheko dekhera Apple le sodhyo: Kina timi chup
chap lagera baseko ?

Kera : Ma k bhanu yaar, bhanna ni laaj lagchha, malai ta
sabai jana le nangojhar banayera khanchan .

----------------------------

Funny Nepali Jokes | Nepali Chutkila | Nepali Jokes

2009-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

Nepali Jokes - Unlimited Fun and Laughs

Mohan : I love you ko artha k hunchha ?

Urbashi : Ma TImilai maya garchhu .

Mohan : Gazzab chha ba, timisanga english ma euta question k
sodhe, timi masanga Prem garna thaleu ?

-------------------------

Ekchoti Mohan le euta gadha ko agadi euta rakshi ko balti ra arko ma pani
bharera rakhidiyo. Gadha le rakshi ko balti chadera pani piyo, tespachhi Mohan
le shyam lai sodhyo.

Mohan : Shyam, la bhana yesbata timile k siksha payeu ?

Shyam : Jasle Rakshi Piudaina tyo gadha ho.

---------------------------

Mohan : Malai achammko roog lageko chha, jaba meri
wife bolchin taba ma k hi sundina.

Doctor : Oh ho ! Yo ta roog haina , Bhagwan ko kripa ho.

----------------------------

Pandit ji :Sastrama lekhiyeko chha ki Husband ra wife
bhaneka ekai rath ka dui Pangra hun. Yadi yi madhay ek bigriyo bhane rath
chaldaina. Yes bata timile k shiksha pauchhau ?

Mohan : Maile yes bata k siksha paye bhane, hamile euta
atirikta Pangra jageda rakhnu parchha.

----------------------------

Jeevan : Aaja maile mero class ko ramri keti laai
Phasaaye.

Shyam : Kasari ni ?

Jeevan : Maile Plane banayera sir laai hirkaye, tespachhi
sir le rishayera sodhnu bhayo - Kasle garyo yo kaam bhanera ? Ani maile
uthera tyo ketiko naam bhanidiye, ani tyo Phasi !

----------------------------

Doctor : Bachha laai Pani pilaunu bhanda aagadi, ramrari
umalnu parchha.

Mahila : Tara Doctor saab, umalyo bhane bachha
mardaina ra !

----------------------------

Roshan laai euta charale sarai dukha diyiraheko thio, usle tyo chara
laai marne yojana banayo ra Jaal thapera Samaatyo ani charalaai marna Thulo Rukh
maathi chadyo ra mathi pugera tyo charalaai tala tira phali diyo.

----------------------------

Euta kukhuri anda kinna pasale kaha gaie ra pasale sanga dui ota anda
maagi.

Pasale : Timi yo anda k garchau ?

Kukhuri : Mero kukhurale bhaneko," Darling, jabo 4 rupaiya
ko laagi kina timi aafnu figure bigarchau ?

----------------------------

Chori : Aama, ma Roshan sanga Bihe gardina, kinabhane
u God ma biswas gardaina !

Aama : Chori, ta ussanga bihe gar, tespachhi u aafai God ma
biswas garna thachha.

Bibaha ko k hi din pachhi

Chori : Aama hijo rati mero uha sanga jhagada
bhayo.

Aama : Chinta garni pardaina chori, Baibahik jeevanma yesto
sanatina jahgada bhai rahanchha.

Chori : Tyo ta thik chha, aama teso bhaye ma tyo laas ko k
garu ?

----------------------------

Ek mahila doodh bikreta sanga: Sauji, kina ho aajabholi ta
doodh sarai patalo aauchha ni ?

Doodh Bikreta : Tyo ta thaha bhayo, tara malai kina bhanu
hunchha kunai ramro Doctor laai dekhaunuhos na.

----------------------------

Euta Balatkari marepachi Yamarajle uslai narkako sajaya
sunaudai bhane: Yo paapi laai taato telma haalnu.

4-5 ghanta pachhiYamarajle daasilaai bolayerasodhe: Kina ahile samma tyo
paapi lai telma nahaleko ?

Daasi : K garu Prabhu ! Tyo paapile malaai chulo balnanai
didaina.

----------------------------

Buba (abibaahit garbabati chori
sanga) : Chori ekchoti bhanide, talai yo awastama puryaune
ko ho ?

Chori : Maile tapailaai 15 ota kera khuwaye bhane tapai
bhanna saknu hunchha ki kun chai kera le tapaiko bhar badayo bhanera !

----------------------------

Funny Ringtones | Watch and Download Funny Ringtones

2009-11-16T23:11:00.000-08:00

I love funny tones to be played in my Mobile Phone. Do you wanna watch Funny Video ok than watch it below.

Are you searching about funny ring tones don't worry: click below links for best Funny Ringtones:

I hope you enjoyed downloading FUnny Ring tones from above links. Enjoy Your Time

Funny Birthday Poems | Top Funniest Birthday Poems

2009-11-16T23:01:00.000-08:00

Can't Remember

I wish you something, just can't remember,
Don't be upset, you're my family member.
It was clearly, on my mind,
With so many thoughts, it's hard to find.

Maybe it's simply not that essential,
Please lose that frown, you have so much potential.
On second thought, it might be coming back to me,
Now I know, why those brain pills were free.

Visions appear of colorful balloons,
In the background, I hear those fine tunes.
Near the end of the dream, I can taste a delicious cake,
It must be your birthday, as I awake.

Young at Heart

Happy birthday young at heart,
So many decades, where to start?
With energy, like that pink bunny,
You make us look lazy, that’s not funny!

Never-ending old school ways,
Filled with stories, to Amaze!
Listening has been lost with age,
You belong on theatre stage.

If you manage to forget,
We’ll remind you, don’t you fret.
Happy birthday young at heart,
Smile with joy, you old fart.

Funny Quotes | Totally Funny Quotes | Mostly Liked Funny Quotes

2009-11-16T22:14:00.000-08:00

Wanna Read some funny Quotes by different reknown persons of the worlds.

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.

"I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids."
funny quote by, Johathan Raban.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
funny quotes, Unknown.

"Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf."
funny quote by, Will Rogers.

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
Funny Quote by, John Peers.

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
funny quotes by, Rodney Dangerfield

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"

Funny Quote by Calvin.

"Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.

"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
funny quote by, Clifton Fadiman.

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
Funny Quote by, John Peers.

"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."
funny quote by, Pearl Williams.

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.

"He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.

Funny T Shirts | Cool T Shirt | Custom T Shirts

2009-11-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

Funny Videos | Watch Funny Videos | Download Funny Videos

2009-11-16T21:15:00.000-08:00

I know You love Funny Videos, now here you can watch funny videos hosted in Yutube.com.

Check the first one below and start laughing. This is the most funniest Video in the worlds.

To download this Video click here

Would you like watch the funny stupid people video ok than watch it below

wanna download this video click here

More Jokes | More Dirty Jokes | Jokes Area

2009-06-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste." After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But beingthe good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away. So she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor. She says to the doctor: "Doctor, this was working for a while, but I cant seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies: "Lady those aren't bags... those are your tits!" All she had to say was, "Now that would explain why I have this goatee."

A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your cunt?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my cunt!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."

The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.

He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.

The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"

Dirty Jokes | Funny Adult Jokes

2009-06-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

Sex In Dark

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."

The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

A Man on the Beach

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

Good Girls Vs Bad Boys

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."

Naughty Jokes | The Last Drinking

2009-06-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

The Last Drinking

Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out late drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.

I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom.

I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed.

Rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?' ....and She's ALWAYS Sound Asleep!"

Naughty Jokes | An English Girl

2009-06-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

An English Girl

Banta's wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl !!!'

Preeto kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.'

'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?'

'What I asked for, the English girl?!'

Oh, that! Well, I did what best I could. But, now we have to wait for nine months to see if its a girl !!!

Naughty Jokes | The Strip Dancer

2009-06-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

The Strip Dancer

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

Naughty Jokes | The son OF a Bitch

2009-06-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

The son OF a Bitch

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Naughty Jokes | Blind Man

2009-06-20T05:40:00.000-07:00

Blind Man

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macarroni and chesse with broccoli.

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

Naughty Jokes | A girls First Time -Jokes

2009-06-20T05:37:00.001-07:00

A girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

Toilet Encounter

2009-05-03T02:20:00.000-07:00

Toilet Encounter

Frank was barely sitting down when he heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you doing?"He's not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, but he don't know what got into him, so he answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just great!"And the person in the other stall said, "So, what are you up to?"What kind of question is that? At this point, Frank was thinking this was too bizarre, so he said, "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"At this point he was just trying to get out as fast as he could, when he heard another question, "Can I come over?"This question was just too weird for Frank, but he figured he could just be polite and end the conversation. He told the person, "No... I'm a little busy right now!!!"Then he heard the person say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"

Funny Lovers

2009-05-03T02:06:00.000-07:00

HURRY LOVE

A young man and his pretty bride rush in to see their minister at the church.
"We want to get married, Reverend. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you please do a quick ceremony?"
The minister is amused. He marries the two love birds, takes his money but then hesitates and asks, "I know you two are in love, but I would be remiss not to caution you that it is not wise to marry in a hurry. Why are you two in such a rush anyway?"
Rushing his new wife out before him the young man runs into the street shouting over his shoulder "Because we are parked in a 'no standing' zone!"

Funny Doctor

2009-05-03T02:04:00.000-07:00

MEDICLE PROBLEM

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
(Thanks Mia)

PUPPY LOVE

2009-05-03T01:57:00.000-07:00

PUPPY LOVE

Brad had been dating Elaine for months and had fallen in love with her. After much planning and hand wringing, he finally managed to screw up his courage long enough to declare his love and pop the big question.
"Being a bachelor is great," Brad began, "but in every man's life the time comes when he yearns for the company of another individual, an individual who will consider him perfect like a hero; an individual who he can treat as completely his own; who will be caring and true during difficult times; and who will share in his delights and sorrows."
Much to his joy, Brad saw an understanding look dawning in Elaine's eyes. Nodding her head in agreement Elaine declared, "What a wonderful idea, Brad! I just know I can help you find the perfect puppy!"

SMART STUDENT

2009-05-03T01:51:00.000-07:00

SMART STUDENT

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.
Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.
A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

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2009-01-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

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Purchasing a new bird
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"