F.A.R.T.S.

Living Off The Fat Of The Land: A Beer and a FART

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:32:00 +0000

Hello and Happy Friday to you.
Here I am with another practice in pinpointing all that is great, magnificent, stupendous, you get the idea. If you are like me you don't do this often enough. I spend too much time wanting or saying things like "Won't it be great when this happens?". Maybe it is great right now.

Educator
As a teacher I am excited that I am still able to bring energy with me each day to work. I'm at the critical point of the year where it is easy to feel worn down, and weak, allowing students to display behaviors that would not have been acceptable the first week of school. Never!!!!
I also survived my evaluation incurring zero significant wounds or battle scars. I am a little frightened to grade some of my students tests from today, but since I am focusing on the positives, hey they finished them.

F.A.R.T.S. (Funny And Random Teacher Stuff)
I was walking behind a student who was talking about going to therapy with someone else. They were asked why. The reply was simply "Because I am %$#ed up." Simple and to the point.

Everything Else

My heart goes out to Haiti and I wished we paid more attention to countries like that when there isn't a disaster
I have a great weekend of cross country skiing coming up
My family rules
I weigh less than I did last week
Tonight I am allowing myself a sweet, sweet, beer.

Peace Out fellow human beings, educators, and citizens. Keep fighting the good fight.

Posted via email from The Fat Chronicles

Everywhere At Once

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 04:45:00 +0000

This is nuts! What I am typing now will end up all over the place. It will be pushed to multiple twitter accounts and then to a few blogs, all at the same time using Posterous. I am really not sure what will happen or what it will look like just so you know.

In one place I write about teaching and in another I write about whatever I want and illustrate it with a t-shirt. To all of you teachers out there welcome to my other side. I may also lay a few F.A.R.T.S. down here.

I think I will end this with a posterous F.A.R.T.

Suppose you are a principle and you have a student next door serving an in school suspension. You are going about your daily business talking to parents, talking on the phone, dealing with discipline issues and the kid next door starts yelling back to you everything you did in the last half. Things you said, etc. What would you do? It happened today.

Thanks for hanging in there with this everywhere at once experiment. Until next time.

Peace Out.

Posted via email from The Fat Chronicles

Teachers Send Us Your F.A.R.T.S.

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:10:00 +0000

Our dream is create a blog that is powered by the stories of others. If you have a story to share form your classroom or any educational setting you can send them our way. Look in the right hand column and hit the email F.A.R.T.S. button. If you are not interested in sharing send this post to others. We need F.A.R.T.S badly.

Teacher Cartoon

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:29:00 +0000

Teacher Joke: Homework

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:23:00 +0000

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

Funny Exam: Perhaps A Giraffe Will Help

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:04:00 +0000

We've all seen something like this before.

clipped from ares.funnyexam.com

Random Teacher Tweet: What Does Obama Think Of Teachers

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 20:04:00 +0000

View TeacherSol’s tweet

You know....he may be right.

Random Teacher Tweet

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 04:31:00 +0000

View lovesthecomma’s tweet

Teachers Tweet: Dorky Old Teacher

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 04:22:00 +0000

View calastra’s tweet

Random Teacher Tweet - Basketball

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:39:00 +0000

March Madness...that's what I am talking about.

View rmbyrne’s tweet

Funny Video: Kid Gets Busted For Upskirting A Teacher

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:04:00 +0000

Think back to when you were a kid. How many of your teachers would you want to take an upskirt shot of?

Rappin' Teachers - Not Sure They Should Quit Their Day Job

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 01:49:00 +0000

Crazy Student Essays

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 05:08:00 +0000

You have to read them to believe them.

clipped from stupidessays.googlepages.com

9 Hilarious, Fantastic, Superfluous, Outrageous, Funny Teacher T-Shirts

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 01:43:00 +0000

O.K. Maybe an over exaggeration, but worth checking out anyway.

Teachers Give Me An ED ACHE by upnorthpw
Get a tshirt at Zazzle.com
More Humor Sayings T-Shirts

Students Give Me An ED ACHE by upnorthpw
Many more tee shirt designs available on www.zazzle.com
See other Youth School Academics T-Shirts

Teacher Searching For A MOMENT OF ED by upnorthpw
Get t shirts on zazzle
View other Humor Sayings T-Shirts

Science Retro Funny Tee by kaptainmyke
Buy t-shirts at zazzle.com
Browse other Humor Sayings T-Shirts

Teaching Ninja by InnerEgo
design your own tshirts At www.zazzle.com
See other Education Childcare T-Shirts

I Teach,Therefore I'm Broke by jgibby7
Make Custom TShirt On Zazzle
View other Youth School Academics T-Shirts

Girls are evil by TheRab
Create personalized t-shirts At zazzle
See other Sciences T-Shirts

IRREGARDLESS by CHUCKLEMEDIA
Make Custom T-Shirts At Zazzle
Browse other Words To Live By T-Shirts

Teacher's Wife by jkawalsh
Buy tshirts at Zazzle.com
Browse other People Health Cultures T-Shirts

F.A.R.T.S. - The Swallowed Wedding Ring

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 04:29:00 +0000

F.A.R.T.S.:

As some of you know, I'm an art teacher for an inner city school. It's crazy in general, but this was really off the wall. The other day, one of the fifth graders came in to school very distraught. His teacher sent him to the guidance counselor because he wouldn't talk to her about what was bothering him. The boy lives with his dad, as his parents are divorced. The boy told the counselor that he was upset because his father was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and the boy didn't like Dad's girlfriend. "It's ok, though..." he said to the counselor, "they can't get married now." The counselor asked why and the boy replied, "Because I swallowed the ring this morning!" So the counselor had to call the father and explain and now they have to monitor, um, his bowel movements to retrieve the ring. He's going to be okay, but I'm sure the father and his bride-to-be are not very happy.

It sounds like a sitcom, but I swear this really happened. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Funny Teacher Video: Student Survey Highlights

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:46:00 +0000

This is great. I would like to see what this guy looks like. I wonder what my surveys would say over the years.

Funny Teacher Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:06:00 +0000

"To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler—and less trouble."

— Mark Twain

"I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally."

— Calvin Trillin

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."

— Woody Allen

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."

— Louis-Hector Berlioz

"If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure."

— Bill Gates

"Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years."

— Gracie Allen

"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day."

— Jay Mohr

"As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools."

— Unknown

Wise Advice From Kids

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Here's another connection of wisdom from the young ones.

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9
Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, 13
Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, 13
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, 11
Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. - Mitchell, 12
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.- Andrew, 9
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.- Armir, 9
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. - Kellie, 11
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. - Naomi, 15
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10

Nothing Says Classy like and Educator F.A.R.T. Shirt

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 02:32:00 +0000

Teacher's Have The Best, F.A.R.T.S., Funny And ... by upnorthpw
Shop the t-shirts section of zazzle.com
See more Youth School Academics T-Shirts

Presents For Teacher

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:19:00 +0000

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"

Vote Bob

noreply@blogger.com (Dan Lathrop) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:27:00 +0000

This gentleman won the Vice Presidency in his school because of this speech. It's crude, but quite funny. Were his teachers paying attention? His health teacher would be proud...

clipped from www.youtube.com

They Didn't Study

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:37:00 +0000

They didn't study

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Academic Work study Test

Funny Student Email: Don't Mess With My Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:24:00 +0000

This one came the week before classes stared in August:

Dear Professor Zenprof,
You don't know me, but I am registered for your [advanced undergrad] course. But my family will still be on vacation for the first two weeks of classes, so all my professors are sending me the lecture notes and assignments so I won't be behind when I get there after vacation. PLease fedex them to [address]. Sincerely,
Amanda [Lastname]

When I replied that no, I would not do that, that the experience of in class work, discussion, and listening was vital and she would get zeroes for assignments missed during that time, she wrote back:
[note lack of salutation & comma problems]

Well, I think this is really unfair, because, after all I will be cutting into my vacation time, to do the extra work of your class, out here in Mexico, when I would rather be enoying myself. I am considering dropping your class because of this.
Amanda

Funny Student Email To Professor

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:21:00 +0000

Professor Garcia,

Can I please get some extra credit in light of the last test which didnt go so well? I know I'm not doing as well as I could but I really love your class and think you're a great teacher and I just think I deserve the chance to do as well as I know I can. Please please please let me know what sort of assignment I can do.

My reply:

Dear Josephine,

No. If you could have done better, you should have.

Sincerely yours,

Professor Garcia

New Story From 5th Grade Teacher: Germ Intestine

noreply@blogger.com (JJ) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:14:00 +0000

One day a few weeks ago I was taking my third graders to the bathroom and one of the boys starts coughing and spitting and making all kinds of noises. I said, "What's the matter??" and he said, "Can I go rinse my mouth out? There's something gross in it!" So, of course, I told him to go. He comes back out of the bathroom and the conversation went like this:

Me: "What was in your mouth?"
him: "Germ intestine."
Me: "Germ intestine? What's that?"
him: "You know, that stuff in the bottle on your desk."
Me: "Hand sanitizer?"
him: "Yeah, that. It was on my hands and I got it in my mouth"