And starts for the ocean.

She is an object of beauty

And I stand watching her

Till at last she fades

On the horizon

And someone at my side says: “She is gone”.

Gone!  Where?

Gone from my sight-that is all.

She is just as large in the mast, hull and spars

As she was when I saw her

And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.

The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me

Not in her,

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,

“She is gone”,

There are others, who are watching her coming,

And other voices take up a glad shout “There she comes!”

- And that is dying.

“The Ship” Bishop Brent (1862-1926)

Congratulations Collinge & Co, this was definitly worth the wait.  I’m sure many with a taste for the traditional will feel honoured to take their last ride in this wonderful work of art.  Well done!!

I re-read the chapter on the uses of Adversity the other day, and while it does mention the other side which includes the possibility of post traumatic stress, depression and heart disease, there really is a brighter side, and it is this side that we ought to strive for. 

For those who are able to work through their grief  and hardships, mentally processing them enough to really make sense of it all – mostly through writing or talking it out.  Some of the rewards of human suffering are growth, confidence, compassion, wisdom and maturity. 

Here are a few quotes from The Happiness Hypothesis – chapter 7 - The uses of adversity:

“People need adversity, setbacks, and perhaps even trauma to reach the highest levels of strength, fulfillment and personal development” Jonathan Haidt.

“One of the most common lessons people draw from bereavement or trauma is that they are much stronger than they realized, and this new appreciation of their strength then gives them the confidence to face future challenges.”  Jonathan Haidt

“Adversity doesn’t only separate the fair weather friends from the true, it strengthens relationships and opens people’s hearts to one another”  Jonathan Haidt

“Many people facing death report changes in values and perspectives.  A diagnosis of cancer is often described in retrospect, as a wake-up call, a reality check, or a turning point.” Jonathan Haidt

“Suffering is not always all bad for all people.  There is usually some good mixed in with the bad, and those who find it have found something precious: a key to moral and spiritual development.”  Jonathan Haidt

“Many people change their goals in the wake of adversity; they resolve to work less, to love and play more.”  Jonathan Haidt

“Adversity may be necessary for growth because it forces you to stop speeding along the road of life, allowing you to notice the paths that were branching off all along, and to think about where you really want to end up”  Jonathan Haidt

“London and Chicago siezed the opportunities provided by their great fires to remake themselves into grander and more coherent cities.  People sometimes sieze such opportunities, too, rebuilding beautifully those parts of their lives that they could never have torn down voluntarily.”  Jonathan Haidt

 ”The ability to make sense of tragedy and then find benefit in it is the key that unlocks posttraumatic growth.”  Jonathan Haidt 

If we seem to gain nothing from our pain and suffering, at the very least we are likely to feel grateful when things start getting back to normal again, and gratitude, might be the most powerful happy-maker of all.  If you are feeling none of this, be patient, it takes time and effort to get through and make sense of the hardest things in life, no-one reaps the rewards over night or we wouldn’t consider it to be truama/suffering/grief in the first place.

Even in the hard times, everywhere we go there is so much beauty and so many gifts, we get so much more than what we give.  We pay a percentage of our petrol and taxes and get to drive on long stretches of road throughout the country and the world.  We sleep while the earth rotates, bringing us a fresh new morning every day. 

There is magic everywhere for those who look for it, birds singing, rivers flowing, life springing from every crevice.  There is a vast choice of magnificent fresh produce available throughout the year and people everywhere who can’t help smiling back at you. 

We’d like to thank all the funeral directors sacrificing their christmas and new years to be on standby for all those party animals that don’t make it home and all the old and the sick that leave their earthly bodies at this time of year. 

We wish everyone a safe and fun filled festive season and hope our funeral directors on duty have peace and quiet to spend some time with their families too.

A Snowman’s Funeral

Nicknamed the ”hot rod” this racey panel van with a Chev V8 develops about 360hp.  It sounds awesome, and is quite a catch for the right sort of guy.  The vehicle was converted from the powerful 6.0 litre Chev Lumina bakkie and lengthened to a wheel-base of about 4.0 metres.  The panels offer an ideal advertizing opportunity.

This sizzling hearse convesion is available for R475000.  Contact: Eric Orchard – 011 455 4084 or 082 920 6240 for details.

Below is a more conservative silver hearse which is a fully imported from New Zeeland.  With a V6 engine it is quiter and somewhat smoother that the ‘hot rod’ V8.  It is also more fuel efficient, and would be an asset to any funeral directors fleet.

 The V6 is on sale at R425000.

If anyone wants a Chev Lumina bakkie converted to a hearse John will do the conversion for R135000.  For example, if someone were to buy a second hand Lumina bakkie for (let’s say)R125000.  For an additional R 135000, he would have a magnificent hearse for just R260000 in total.  

John’s main business is converting Mustang or Camaro’s from left hand drive to right hand drives, get more details on the Cool Panel Vans website.

Unpopular features of memorialized profiles:

• Memorialized profiles remain on facebook for one year and are then automatically deleted.  If they are not looked into periodically, they can be deleted sooner
• Only those who are confirmed friends of the deceased can see the memorialized profile or locate it in a search
• No-one can become ’friends’ after an account is memorialized
• No-one can login to a memorialized account
• Because no-one can login to the account, no-one can control inapropriate posts to the memorialized profile.
• Pictures can still be uploaded, but some functionality regarding the sharing of pictures with a memorialized page no longer seem to work
• Even though you may not want the account to be memorialized, anyone else can report them as deceased and the account can be memorialized outside of your control
• There is no way of reversing memorialization

Suggestions:

• A person who has access to the deceased person’s e-mail account can reset the deceased person’s Facebook password, thereby taking control of their account (before it is memorialized).  Some parents have done this and added the words “memorial” or “in memory of” to the deceased’s name and have invited friends they would like to share their memorial page with before it becomes memorialized.
• If any of this is attempted from a computer the deceased didn’t normally use, keep in mind that Facebook asks security questions to protect the privacy of its users and prevent the hijacking of someone else’s account.
• If one has access to the deceased’s computer or have all the necessary security info including their password and access to their incoming e-mail, one can ‘download’ a copy of their facebook page including all pictures and almost all their Facebook history. This ‘download’ function e-mails the profile to the users e-mail address.  See more info regarding downloading a facebook profile, this includes important security info, exactly what is included in the download and a step by step on how to download a profile.
• Many people create a ’page’ in memory of the deceased - (like any other Facebook page).  The person who creates the page has control over the content and can appoint admins who can do the same.  Anyone can ‘like’ and ‘subscribe’ to the page which is nice.  Interraction with the page is easy and posts can be moderated/deleted by admins.
• Alternatively one can start a group which admins have complete control over, people have to ask permission to join the group.  (‘pages’ are easier and involve less admin than ‘groups’). 

Why one would memorialize a deceased person’s profile:

• Facebook’s automated friend suggestions give one a creepy feeling when a deceased person, one that you have not ’friended’ on Facebook pops up on your page in “people you may know”.  Memorialized pages are only seen by people who are already friends so they can never pop up as suggested friends.
• When you visit a memorialized page it says “share a memory’ where it normally says “write a comment”

Unfortunately most of the shortcomings of memorialization seem to stem from Facebook’s effort to maintain peoples privacy – which is fair.

 
Click here to find Facebook’s information on deletion, deactivating and memorializing accounts:

Click here to fill in the application to memorialize someone’s account:   

Compost is usually acid and ash can help to neutralize it if one is using the compost on sun loving plants as they usually prefer a more alkaline soil. Shady wet forest like soil in the garden normally tends to be acid and many shade plants enjoy acidity, so unless the soil is too acid, raising the alkalinity isn’t always needed.

Change the colour of your hydrangeas, generally, acidic soil will induce blue flowers and an alkaline pH will induce pink.

It is best to test one’s soil before attempting to improve the ph, but if the ph of your soil isn’t your main concern, and you simply want to scatter the ashes there is no need worry. A small amount of ash will add some nutrients and be beneficial to most soils, large amounts should be avoided.

Please note: It is best to choose eco-friendly coffins because plastics, glues and heavy metals have a negative impact on the earth whether one opts for cremation or burial.

As we put Funeral Guide together towards the end of 2007 we were looking for a beautiful picture of a sunset in the mountains or on a beach to symbolize a natural ending, part of the magnificent cycle of life.  We gathered a few maybe’s, but when we stumbled upon the pictures of Cannon Beach, it was an instant match.  We felt a certain spirituality, it reminded us of natures own tombstones.  We added some lense flare to symbolize ’the light’ associated with various religions, towards which we are drawen when we die.

A year later we added the photo’s down the sides of Funeral Guide, to symbolise all the beautiful people in the world, of every age, ethnicity and religion – all of whom are touched by death.  We added the angel as a guide and we gave the pictures a scrap booking feel, as this is a form of artwork popular amongst the grieving to preserve their loved ones photo’s and memorabilia.

A big thank you to Mark for remembering Funeral Guide in the middle of a holiday of a lifetime and a million thanks for all the ongoing support, without which this website wouldn’t exist today.

The anxiety this question presents is usually because of the misconception that recovery means forgetting and moving away from your loved one who has died.

Ask yourself this:  If you fell and broke your leg would you seek medical attention immediately?  I am sure that you answered, “Yes”.  When circumstances and events conspire to break our hearts, don’t we owe it to ourselves to get help immediately?

By recovery we don’t mean forgetting, but being able to recall memories without having them precipitate painful feelings of regret or remorse. Recovery is about acknowledging the loss and learning skills to find a suitable place for it, whilst regaining your vitality and finding new meaning for living.

With the knowledge and freedom brought about by completing your recovery, comes the additional benefit of allowing yourself to love as totally as possible.  Obviously, recovering from a significant emotional loss is not an easy task.  Taking the actions that lead to recovery will require your attention, open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.

It is never too soon to address your grief.

Article by: Astro Zack-Dishon - Grief Recovery Coach