tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34411278371865407702024-02-08T06:22:44.958+00:00Full Of Hope and JoyThis blog, is about me, and my everyday life at work, rest and play. Living each day full of hope and joyFullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-88818778062008506052015-08-31T21:11:00.001+01:002015-08-31T21:11:21.993+01:00Nothing to see hereOK.<br />
Hi again. Ive been a tad lackadaisical regarding this blog again. I somehow do not have a lot of time where I can just sit down in front of my computer and type away. But tonight, I,ve managed to sit and read a book in the first time in ages as well. Which was lovely to do, and I have also managed to get some time to myself to type here.<br />
Well, since the last time I was on here, I have not really done all that much , despite having no time. Not sure where I am going wrong there. Ah well.<br />
Last Saturday, four of us went out for a meal in Hereford. It was the leaving do for a man who used to work with us until just over a week ago. He will be missed. A lot. But the evening was fun. It started out with decent food at Frankie and Bennies. Then sat in A pub afterwards just as Saturday night got into full swing around us.<br />
Work has been same old same old. Nothing new.<br />
Well. That was really interesting wasn't it? Don't answer, I already know...<br />
Anyway. Till the next time.<br />
<br />FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-32290429598395059692015-08-15T00:03:00.000+01:002015-08-15T00:07:26.401+01:00Memories of the Mill Inn and Chedworth Villa.Well. Time for another post I guess.<br />
Last Wednesday was my mums day to come down to Hereford. We ended up in the Cotswolds again. Don't know what it is with that place that I find so appealing lately, but there you are.<br />
The plan was to go to a village called Withington by Chedworth roman villa, more specifically the pub, (The Mill Inn) for lunch. Unfortunately best laid plans and all that, meant we ended up carrying on to the services on the motorway for a refreshment break. So instead of going via Cheltenham, we ended up going via Gloucester Services and Stroud, Bibury and Northleach and many more miles of lanes. Lunch was an impromptu picnic purchased at the services, eaten at leisure at Chedworth Villa. And the only visit Withington and the Mill Inn got was in passing to get back to Cheltenham. Never mind. Mum had fun looking at the mosaics, and I had a lovely long walk up into the hills above Chedworth. Which was fun, except for the National Trusts obsession of putting in steps everywhere. Hills are much easier to negotiate without there being steps. But maybe that's just my opinion on it, other people may prefer them. The weather was glorious for most of the day which was good.<br />
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I remember the first time I went to the Mill Inn, was when I was 14. A group of us were doing our Duke of Edinburgh practice expedition there, walking from somewhere the far side of The Duntisbournes, via Chedworth, Withington Andoversford, and up and over Cleeve Hill. We were at Withington and really needed the loo. The Pub had had a fire, and were renovating the place and they were kind enough to allow us to use the loos. Ever since I have had a bit of a soft spot for the place, and have taken everyone I know back to the place whenever I get the chance.<br />
Chedworth Villa has a similar place in my heart. A year or two later, another friend was doing the Duke of Edinburgh and invited me to go with them on their expedition, this time we walked from Chedworth to Cirencester. We ended up at the roman villa for a few hours and we spent most of it attempting to race the roman snails there. Not very successfully tho.<br />
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My working week has been pretty much a case of same old same old. Nothing exciting happening. Except G came back from her temporary exile. Which is fantastic. We are losing A next week though. Which is quite sad, love working with him, he will be enormously missed, he's off to become a chartered accountant, which will be a bit of a change to Locks. O is leaving in September to become an Air hostess. Which will also be quite different. So lots of changes at work in the near future. Lots of plans for leaving dos tho. Which are always fun. Go Karting looks like it will feature heavily. Awesome. Have warned everyone I'm extremely competitive, I'm likely to run them off the track in an attempt to win. <br />
Anyway, I think Ive run out of things to ramble on about. So will take my leave. TTFN.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-64788722971816188002015-08-09T20:52:00.001+01:002015-08-09T20:52:59.531+01:00Sunday dear Sunday. Sunday dear Sunday.<br />
Hardly my favourite day of the working week. But, it is all over now. And, as an added bonus, I left a full half an hour early. Joy of joy. So was back home before I would have normally left work. Lovely. To be honest though, it wasn't a crazy full on day at work, just steadily busy all day.<br />
A lovely surprise awaited me this morning when I arrived. Someone who used to work with us, who had left many months previously, has been re enlisted to the Locks cause. Which is super awesome. One of my favourite workmates of all time. So really glad to see her back.<br />
<br />
Yesterday in contrast, was I think, the busiest Saturday since I started over two years ago. The queue for ice creams was unrelenting, as was the queue for everything else. I was incredibly glad to finish. A never ending stream of people is incredibly hard work. especially when all I want is to curl up into a little ball somewhere dark and quiet and tell everyone to leave me alone lol. But I wasn't alone in my thoughts yesterday. Pretty much everyone was frazzled by the end of it. <br />
<br />
Since I decided to become a vegan again, I seem to be losing my appetite. Not healthy. But somehow when I get home, the idea of food, does not outweigh the thought of having to prepare it. I'm getting seriously lazy in my old age. Any suggestions very welcome. People have joked that it is no wonder I have no appetite, since vegan food is bland and uninspiring. It isn't, it's so full of bright clean flavours, I just don't have any motivation to eat. I'll get over it eventually I guess.<br />
<br />
Anyway. Nothing much else to report.<br />
<br />
TTFN<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-16893528612069648582015-08-06T21:52:00.001+01:002015-08-06T21:52:58.683+01:00Getting things off my chest.Hello again.<br />
<br />
It has been a few days since I last posted, so felt it was high time I wrote something new. Even if only to get things off my chest so to speak.<br />
<br />
So what precisely have I been doing with myself? Well, not a lot as usual, bar working. Most of my life is spent at work, I'm beginning to think it is my main life, and going home is the bits in between. Not so sure that is how it is supposed to work, but never mind eh. Although, to be fair, I do enjoy work. Mostly.<br />
Today, a friend and I became marshalls. Our software system that connects us to shell, and that controls the fuelling at the site was being upgraded so we can now accept payment via mobile phone. The system allows the customer to scan a QR code which is placed outside on the pumps, which will automatically connect them to Shell through the Shell app, it will then automatically authorise the pump to start fuelling. Once done, the customer can fill up, and press the pay button on their phone. This works by linking up to Paypal. No cards, no queueing, no anything much bar filling up and leaving. I want to be the first one to try it out at work, but I haven't seen any of the QR codes up yet, so we have the capability, but no way to do it. Which is annoying.<br />
<br />
Anyway. Back to the marshalling. Our system had to be taken offline for about 3/4 hour while it was upgraded. During this time no fuel could be dispensed. So we needed to be out there explaining to people what was what, and to try and get them all lined up nicely. Everyone did as they were asked, and so everything went swimmingly.<br />
<br />
Last Sunday was a bit of a mare. We had the customers from hell. Not one of us escaped the wrath of someone who was less than happy. Each time we were on the receiving end of abuse was because we had asked someone for their proof of age. Straight away they then ask someone with them to buy what they had asked for. We can't serve them either, but they don't want to listen when we try to explain why. They take it very personally indeed. And usually get very abusive and threatening.<br />
Thankfully we were busy, so they left eventually. A friend suggested that a 50,000 volt taser may encourage a far more mannerful behaviour. That made me laugh, and definitely cheered me up. Not that I would, mind.<br />
Anyway. Got that off my chest. A far lovelier customer felt so sorry for me they bought me some cider and gave me a fantastic hug. Which was really lovely and appreciated. Some of it went down very well that night too.<br />
<br />
Wednesday, my day off was such a lazy day for me. I had a very rare lie in. It was fantastic. Nothing happened that day. I read, went online, listened to music. Such a lovely day.<br />
<br />
Anyway. That appears to bring me up to date.<br />
<br />
So au revoir mes amis.<br />
<br />
Till next time.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-89936387776345217252015-08-01T23:15:00.000+01:002015-08-06T21:46:50.372+01:00Hello Again.Well.<br />
It's a few days since the last time I posted. I figured it was time I updated.<br />
So, what have I been up to? Not much really. Sorry.<br />
<br />
On Wednesday I met up with my mum as is usual every other Wednesday. We began by deciding to stay in Hereford, and had a good few hours wandering round all the shops there. Several coffees were consumed, lunch was eaten. Salad by the way. I visited an art shop (I've forgotten their name :-( ) along Widemarsh street, and they are running a colouring competition. For adults. Well, I had to didn't I. No cost to enter, but lots of lovely prizes to be won. I'm such a kid. Anyway out I came with two separate entries. Oh, and a new pot of pens to help in my endeavours. It had to be done lol. Anyway. Much wandering later, Hereford is getting a little repetitive. (sorry Hereford). When a call came from the blue asking we fancied a bit of a drive to Monmouth. Well, I'm not going to refuse an invite like that am I? So we pack in and off to lovely Monmouth. Wander round waitrose and return. Just in time to pack mum off onto the train. A good day was had by all.<br />
<br />
Thursday was work, as is normal for me on a Thursday. Friday followed in a similar pattern. Nothing exciting happened. And Saturday (today in fact) also did much the same. So. There you are all up to date.<br />
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The past two and a bit weeks, I decided to go strictly vegan again. Id done it for about a year, then somehow got into bad habits again. I lacked the willpower to really go at it again. But, for the last couple of weeks I've been doing well. Starting to feel a lot healthier again, brighter and lighter I suppose is how I'd explain it. Made an awesome vegan paella last night. I have fodder in Hereford to thank for that, as they stock an amazing vegan chorizo that is so tasty its criminal. Anyway I had half yesterday with some avocado stirred in, and had the same again tonight. Being vegan is an awesome way to avoid chocolate. Which is far too delicious. I just can't eat it. No trying to say to myself that just one piece won't matter. Its totally not allowed. unless it's dark. But that's another matter.<br />
<br />
Another thing. Windows 10. My computer has downloaded it a couple of times, but the update has failed to install. Go online, read. Try all fixes. Nothing. Even the Microsoft one adding stuff to the registry didn't solve it. Grrrrrrrr. Rant over. But I want it. Now.......<br />
<br />
Anyways. I'm off now. x ByeeeeFullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-4794835082579194112015-07-27T22:08:00.000+01:002015-08-06T21:53:50.099+01:00Not so manic MondayHello one and all.<br />
<br />
Another day, another post.<br />
<br />
Monday is one of my favourite days of the week at work. It is a lovely calm day after the mayhem of a normal summer weekend. All my good friends are present, and the ones I speak with less often aren't. A lovely chilled atmosphere.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow is the last day of my working week. Wednesday is my day off, and I plan to do as little as is humanly possible. Well, I would, but it's my day to meet up with mum. So a day chilling round town or somewhere local. I fancy a visit to Cardiff. I love it there and have not been for absolutely ages. But I'll see.<br />
<br />
Ah well. Whatever I do. I'll probably write about it after the event.<br />
<br />
So. Till then. Adios Amigos. FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-13616023004114366722015-07-24T22:32:00.002+01:002015-08-06T21:54:22.467+01:00Cue the violinsAh well.<br />
Here I am again. Today was a bit of a hard day at work. Still not feeling well. (Violins would be quite nice actually). It was a long and hard day. Very wet cold and rainy. Never particularly busy. But I just felt so useless, lethargic, and with a bad stomach pain to boot. Thought I was feeling a bit of an improvement as the evening went on, but the closer I got to my finishing time, the more I realised, I was beginning to feel pretty bad again.<br />
Once home, I tried to eat, no joy.<br />
<br />
OK. That was an almighty whinge fest and I apologise. All done with now. :)<br />
<br />
Good things? Hmm.<br />
<br />
I've been loving a music service called Tidal this last month. They give a one month free trial of the service. I was more than happy to take advantage of their generosity. The awesome thing that sets Tidal apart from the others, is that they stream music at lossless CD quality, way higher than the normal mp3 quality of at best 320kb/s. At a rate of 1411 Kb/s, I have been blown away by the quality and although the cost of the HiFi streaming is £20 per month, I am seriously considering continuing. The sound is amazing. I was lucky enough to get a free pair of top of the range Sony MDR 1R earphones a couple of years back. This music is what they were made for, they literally sing now. Lower quality music doesn't do the earphones justice. To say I'm loving music would be an understatement. Everything is so clear, every single instrument stands out instead of being lost in a sea of sound.<br />
<br />
Anything else good? Erm not right now. I'll report back again at some point.<br />
<br />
Ta ta for now.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-59636095442035855732015-07-23T16:49:00.001+01:002015-08-06T21:55:15.900+01:00Colouring in for adultsHello again.<br />
<br />
Time for another post methinks. Not sure what I'm going to talk about, but I'm sure that something will come to mind as I go along.<br />
Well, today I have a very rare thing indeed. A day off. Not by choice as such, I'm just feeling a little bit poorly today. (cue the violins). So, I had a lie in, not that I really wanted to get up to be honest. But I cannot sleep all day. So I'm up, and making the most of the time that I have at home. <br />
I wasn't too popular when I rang up this morning to say I couldn't come in, but hey, never mind. I never take time off, so I,ll not let it get to me.<br />
<br />
Tuesday night was girlie night with my two best friends. Plenty of drink, pizza, and laughs by the gallon. Just what was needed. Life can be too serious sometimes. As was usual we came up with madcap ideas, from inflatable tables with built in indentations for food and glasses. Inflatable butlers, (not sure what use they'd be) and anything else that wasn't inflatable, but could be made inflatable. Not sure what our preoccupation with all things inflatable was, but it was fun at the time. The night went on well into the next day. I remember seeing the clock at 5am. So a very good night was had by all.<br />
<br />
I decided to rearrange my bedroom a touch yesterday; but, as is usual with me I'll start off doing one thing, then find myself sidetracked by something I find and end up doing something completely different. This time it was the hundreds of books I had amassed when I was studying at Worcester . I did consider whether I wanted to get rid of them. They would certainly clear up a massive space on my bookshelves, But, I found myself reluctant to do so. They represented a huge investment, not only monetary but also time wise. Plus, I'd have to find something else to put on my shelves in their place. Empty bookshelves just look odd!<br />
<br />
I think I'll have a bowl of vegetable soup. see how that goes down. Then I may or may not have bit of a play on Guild Wars 2. Either that or photoshop messing.<br />
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I have also just rediscovered the joys of colouring in. There are hundreds of books aimed at adults, so I thought it would be a fun and relaxing timewaster. It is.<br />
Anyway. May post later on today.<br />
But for now. Byee...<br />
<br />
<br />FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-7461249654652888262015-07-15T01:39:00.003+01:002015-08-06T21:55:54.917+01:00Guess who's backWell....<br />
<br />
Hi there. After reading someone's blog, I realised I quite missed my blog and writing. And so... here I am. Back. Took me three ruddy years to decide to come back, and who knows, this may be as short lived as my previous return efforts. But who knows.<br />
<br />
Life has changed. Not for the worst, a bit for the better and quite different.<br />
<br />
I still work in a garage tho, just in a different part of Herefordshire. Locks garage. If you've heard of it, then it's probably for our famous ice creams.<br />
I love working there. I have made some of the best friends I have ever had, am rarely bored, well paid and a day doesn't go by without copious amounts of laughing.<br />
<br />
I've lost lots of weight too; which is all good.<br />
<br />
I've ended a relationship that had lasted years. Due to realising that I no longer loved the person in question. I hadn't for years. Thankfully we are still friends. Good ones. Even if they can't quite allow themselves to let go of me like I have them.<br />
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I also lost God somewhere. Can't remember where I left Him. Not sure if I'll find Him again. Right now I'm not looking either. Maybe the time will come when I do. But right now, I don't know.<br />
<br />
Anyway. It's way past my bedtime. I need sleep. Hopefully I'll want to post again in the next day or so. Till then...<br />
X<br />
<br />
<br />FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-64501657602085197212012-05-24T14:04:00.001+01:002015-08-08T23:40:38.982+01:00Olympic torch relay<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wecL8Lt2iKY/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wecL8Lt2iKY?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wecL8Lt2iKY?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-32016451497946796822011-07-30T00:40:00.000+01:002011-07-30T00:40:13.699+01:00All done.Nice new design, all done and dusted.<br />
I may get round to posting something written at some point.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-73052279099721677682011-07-22T00:52:00.000+01:002011-07-22T00:52:14.375+01:00Redesign time again.If you happened upon this website, and wondered to yourself why it looks so disorganised? I have been doing a spot of redecoration. Things are in the wrong places, and it just doesn't look quite right. Normal service shall resume shortly. Thankyou.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglwhs_s_JUeUhhy-9ZgEwYBtg-JaPsgpqVXp_t6H2DDOW3sFD136v0eBdhuETXT-ZGPnsTBBAAh4UDhRixiHPR0fA-wQsuUzlogEJqhoe19cAjFfUeBSjp-GgUjWfZaDFKpSd5xFxOxeE/s1600/Paint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglwhs_s_JUeUhhy-9ZgEwYBtg-JaPsgpqVXp_t6H2DDOW3sFD136v0eBdhuETXT-ZGPnsTBBAAh4UDhRixiHPR0fA-wQsuUzlogEJqhoe19cAjFfUeBSjp-GgUjWfZaDFKpSd5xFxOxeE/s320/Paint.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-86506567556023532912011-05-01T02:15:00.001+01:002011-05-01T02:15:07.012+01:00Oh. Where has the time gone?I really (yet again), have no idea where time has gone. After starting the course last September, I have hardly had five minutes to myself (that's how it seems anyway), and as a result, things that I would have thought about doing, have been pushed aside or forgotten, in favour of course work, reading for the course or other similar course based pursuits. In the six months since September, I haven't picked up a single book for pleasure, and to be honest I feel quite sad about that. Reading for me once was an escape of sorts, something to relax with. Now, although I find what I am reading incredibly fascinating, and leaves me wanting to find out more; the simple joy of relaxing with a good novel has gone. <br />Although I am not complaining too much really. After all , it was me who chose to do it after-all. The first term was study skills, sounds a bit babyish perhaps, but I think it was essential. I wouldn't have had the first idea where to start writing academically unless we had done this first. (Doesn't mean I completely remembered what we were taught into the second term tho' (tut tut)). Term two was incredible fun, studying the varied Christian spiritualities. From the Desert Fathers, through to modern Celtic Christian spirituality and everything on between. For our work we had to choose one spirituality in particular, demonstrate our understanding of it by a written work, and to write an Ash Wednesday liturgy in the style of our chosen spirituality (I chose Celtic in a hybrid of modern with a bit of ancient). <br />Starting last term and continuing next we are required to do an individual study for the one module. I had no idea what to do for a long time, but in the end settled on the Rural Church and the Role it Plays in Rural Communities. I haven't done anywhere near as much work on it as I should yet, and need to get a move on with it, before next term starts. <br />Next terms study is Connecting beyond the Church. I think that's what it is titled anyway. Should be fun. Problem is, I am constantly being distracted by my family, who the second they see me on the computer decide they need something doing. Or they decide to put the tv on loudly. Peace and quiet where I live is non existent. The only time I have found where I can guarantee peace has been between about midnight and five in the morning. Not a particularly healthy way to go on, when I also have work to go to, meet up with my mum, shopping, cooking and everything else. By the end of each term I was utterly knackered to put it not so politely. The net result of my lack of sleep and almost constant daytime distractions, led me at the end of each term to really consider giving up. But I have been convinced otherwise by others. Trouble is I really am enjoying it so much. I don't want to give up. But we'll see how I get on with it the last term. Better to complete a year and leave, than to go part way through. <br />My post appears to have turned into a total whinge fest, so I will sign off for now, and hopefully post again soon. Plus I need to sleep. <br />Ttfn. <br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress <br />FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-87617886250687346722010-09-20T22:32:00.000+01:002010-09-20T22:32:14.151+01:00Long time no see<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blavish.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/time-flies-clock-10-11-2006.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://www.blavish.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/time-flies-clock-10-11-2006.gif" width="200" /></a></div>Wow. Such a long long time since I last posted. time has flown away at a rate of knots since I last posted on here. So, what has been happening I hear you ask? Well not much, and quite a lot all at the same time.<br />
Last time I posted, it was Easter Day, and I spoke about having a chat with the vicar, and finding someone to talk to about how I felt.<br />
Well, I had a chat with the vicar, I was desperate to know what he thought, whether he could see it in me (being a vicar that is). After a talk for about an hour he did say he thought perhaps he could see something, which to my ears was like pure aural gold. Nothing could have sounded sweeter. Only thing was, I wasn't sure if it was the right time to be going anywhere with it, and was concerned that perhaps I was mistaking things. I hoped against hope that I wasn't, but needed to be sure. So a visit to a vocations advisor was suggested, to have a general chat about vocations in general.<br />
The time came. She had asked me to write about my journey so far and why I felt the way I did, so off I went armed with a rather larger than I think she expected essay. She knew in advance how I felt, but needed to talk about vocations in general, hence my visiting her. Anyway in I go. Less than half an hour later, I am stood outside feeling downright upset and quite miserable and insulted to boot. From just 15 minuted she was trying to get me gone, after saying I was still a child as far as "The Church" was concerned, and how could someone like me dare to imagine that I could serve the church, that there was a place in the church for someone like me? Which I suppose she may have had a point with regards the first point, as I had only returned for just under a year and a half at that point. But she also said to me that I was nowhere near academic enough to study, and wouldn't be able to cope, even with reader training, which I would have accepted if she had been right, or had something on which to base her comments. But she said that within a few minutes of me meeting her, with no prior knowledge of my background, my history or my education, and I would still love to know how she felt she could jump to so wild a conclusion. That hurt, as I have always considered myself an intelligent person. Eventually after about 20 minutes I could stall her no longer and I was being sent on my way. Her parting words were not to come back for at least 18 months, oh and don't talk to the vicar about it in that time either! <br />
Why???? Maybe I could understand being told to go away for a year and a half, but why cant I talk to the vicar. Did I have the word "thicko" tattooed across my forehead, perhaps it said "nutter, steer clear" instead?<br />
I was so upset and confused after the meeting I didn't know what to do. I thought I had gone there for a general chat,but instead... well.<br />
I had a really good think going over and over in my mind why she may have said and did what she did and eventually because I was hurting so much from being summarily dismissed, I came to the conclusion that really, I <u>was</u> infact utterly deluded, the vicar had only been kind to me, but really thought me totally unsuitable, and had sent me off to see her so I would get the message. I was in such a bad way, and it took me months literally to try to get over how much I had been hurt.<br />
The Sunday following, at church, I decided to tell the vicar that I had seen her and that she had told me to go away, perhaps I shouldn't have done, but I told him some of what she said, including not talking to him. I suppose really I shouldn't have done, but I was so angry and upset at the time, that quite frankly I didn't care what she had said regarding that. The vicars reaction was not one I expected, I genuinely thought he would say it was for the best, or to give it time, but he was furious, at that point I regretted saying anything, I didn't want to upset him. He said that she had no right to behave like that, and he was fed up of hearing about the way she treated people (apparently I wasn't the only one upset with her), he said he would have to do something, and I asked him not to. My intention was not to cause trouble when I told him.<br />
I don't know whether the vicar did do anything I have never had the courage to ask him since. What she said, and her attitude towards me led me to believe that the whole church was the same, and I wanted nothing to do with it for quite some time. I didn't stop going though, I couldn't have done that. But I wasn't in the best of minds with regards to it all. It is only in the last couple of weeks that I feel I am returning to normal. Hence why I have not posted in all this time. the result was that I could not ever imagine someone like me becoming a vicar, so on one hand it was there in my heart the whole time, never leaving, and on the other I was trying to convince myself how utterly deluded I was. I was not in a good place and I very nearly succeeded. It hurt, hurt like hell and it was so lonely. I felt that I couldn't talk to anyone, especially not the vicar, as I really thought that he would tell me I was being pathetic. For a time, I genuinely thought that God had left me. I felt empty, spare and worthless. I have no idea why I let what one person said get to me so much. No idea at all.<br />
Anyway. The person I spoke of in my last post, has become a good friend, and we regularly meet up after church on the Sunday evening for chats. We have started a bible study group on Wednesdays too, It started out as a prayer group, but somewhere along the way it seemed to work better as a Bible study group, so we stuck with what worked.<br />
<a href="http://www.hereford.anglican.org/churchwork/training/e_and_cd_main/index.aspx">And as of last Saturday we started a course run by the diocese in partnership with Worcester university, a certificate of higher education in education and Christian discipleship.</a> It is a two year course, done part time, and is equivalent to the first year of a degree. The course is a mixture of academic and hands on stuff, and for the first time in a long time I feel optimistic about the future.<br />
I know it may appear as though I am only doing it to prove the vocations adviser wrong, but, I can assure you I am not. I am doing the course because it feels right. Nor am I under any illusions that it may further my chances of becoming a vicar, as I realise it will not, and I am not doing it for that reason.<br />
So, there, I am up to date. Will probably keep updated from now on again, say how the course is going, and if or when I decide to talk about vocations with anyone again.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-89722283057331389602010-04-04T21:42:00.003+01:002010-04-04T23:05:39.115+01:00He Is Risen<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFesuLq2mZPbOFcXwZiVa7VDO6heDaQopsWeQ-Mz83bfKKJuyGPqUmau2Tll9EMIVSMNVvqeQm0fD7u4s-lV76oVISQ2LX-qMM8UCk9j5mdbjcYZrmwomurveCLeFufRigGsupa9UzJ6o/s1600/JESFUN.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFesuLq2mZPbOFcXwZiVa7VDO6heDaQopsWeQ-Mz83bfKKJuyGPqUmau2Tll9EMIVSMNVvqeQm0fD7u4s-lV76oVISQ2LX-qMM8UCk9j5mdbjcYZrmwomurveCLeFufRigGsupa9UzJ6o/s400/JESFUN.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456388118277921714" /></a><span style="color:#ff6600;">Happy Easter one and all.</span><p><br /></p><p>Have had a good few days since I last posted, well, weeks really, since I last posted a proper post type post. Anyway. This week has been busy one way or another, have been at work all week, and had church most evenings, which has been lovely. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we had shared services with the neighbouring United Reformed Church. Each evening we had a talk, given by the vicar, and compline (Monday and Tuesday) and an evening of Iona community type prayer at the URC church on the Wednesday. It was great to go to another church for an evening. On the Maundy Thursday evening there was another talk, followed by a foot-washing, then communion. Several people went up to get their feet washed, and watching the vicar doing it was really moving in a way, more-so than I thought it would be (never having been to a Maundy Thursday service before), and at one point, one lady whose feet the vicar washed, then got the vicar to sit down, and washed his feet. </p><p>Unfortunately, I was required to work on Good Friday, so missed the services then, but was able to go to the Easter Vigil on Saturday night. I think that of all the services I have been to, through this last year or so since I returned to The Church, the Easter Vigil is my favourite. Starting out in the church , in silence and with no light, then lighting the fire outside, then the Paschal candle from the fire, and processing back into church. Then as the candle is processed down the church all the candles being lit, and spreading light as it goes, is, I think, as close to magic as it is possible to get.</p><p>When we were all sat in the darkness and silence at the beginning, dusk was falling outside, and as such, all the birds were singing, as I closed my eyes to think, it was almost as if I was in front of the tomb, waiting and expectant, everything silent and still before dawn, and the birds singing it was like they were sat in trees and bushes there singing before the dawn and the start of a new day. It was really wonderful. </p><p>The seven readings were given by candlelight, and when the vicar came down to read the Gospel, with the incense billowing (and boy did it billow) and everyones face lit by the candles with the smoke wreathing around, you could be anywhere in time. Lovely. We also were able to renew our baptism vows ourselves by going up and dipping our fingers in the water and putting a cross on our foreheads with it. Again I found that incredibly moving, whether it was because I still had the memory of being baptised very recently in my head, or what, I don't know, but when it dipped my fingers in I was surprised by the fact that it was so warm, fully expecting it to be cold, the only thing I could think of was that it was like blood, which I suppose, in one manner it was. When I went and returned to my seat, I really had to stop and have a good think about it. Then we had communion, and it reminded me of the first time I took communion, after I had been baptised and confirmed in January. Lent and Easter have really made me think about things this year, but I think that that it is supposed to do that, so I shouldn't really be too surprised.</p><p>As we walked out from the church, somewhere close by began letting off fireworks and put on a wonderful display. I don't know whether another church was using them to celebrate Easter I don't know, but they seemed very fitting at the time. </p><p>One thing that I couldn't quite understand was how few people had gone to it, 20 I think, including the vicar etc. During the week at the services there had been at least twice as many, with different ones coming on different evenings, whether the word vigil put them off, I'm not sure, although I know whenever I hear the word otherwise, it does make me think of a bedside vigil, a very sombre and sad affair, nothing like the service at all. Never mind.</p><p>On to today now. As I was working this morning I missed the service at town church, but went to the evening Easter service at the country church. The church was much fuller than usual, which wasn't unexpected. Another really lovely service, and yet again moving. One man stood up to read from Acts 10.34 -43 but he couldn't contain his emotions and said the last few sentences with tears running down his face and trying so hard not to break down, he was so moved by the words he was reading. It was almost more than the rest of us could do to not cry. The rest of the service passed, and it was time to go home.</p><p>I cant remember whether I had mentioned or not about the fact that I was really uncertain about what I should be doing, or rather I did more or less know, just that I wasn't really willing to trust and have faith. Well finally I plucked up enough courage to ask the vicar whether it would be possible to have another talk with him about things, try to make sense of it a bit, and explain myself a little more. When I spoke to him last June, I still wasn't certain what the heck was going on really, and while I still don't have much of a clue to it all, it seems to make a bit more sense, and I think I am able to explain myself, or how I feel. I think I know myself a bit better too, which I hope is a good thing. Anyway I rang the vicar up on Maundy Thursday and asked if it would be possible to have a chat yes he said, what about today? It must have been about four in the afternoon when I rang, with a service at 7:30, and me not finishing work till seven, I didn't think that was going to be possible, but how sweet that he was willing to at such short notice. He is away on holiday for a week now, and he said to remind him about it, so will talk in a couple of weeks. Which I look forward to.</p><p>The other thing I had been struggling with was that however wonderful and lovely, kind and patient MLO has been with me, when I have been talking to him about how I feel, and trying to put into words something that sometimes seems impossible to put into words, I really felt that I needed to talk to someone who felt the same, someone who felt that they may have been called to become a vicar. It was really getting at me, I just wanted to discuss with someone the way I felt and listen to how they felt, maybe get some sort of a gauge as to what was normal, for them anyway, and if it in anyway resembled how I felt. I had been praying about it for a while, and said to MLO several times that it was getting to me. Then a woman who had been to a couple of the confirmation classes with the rest of us, who usually goes to the morning church, started to come to the evening church, and last week we got talking after the service, and somehow ended up discovering that she also wanted to be a vicar, somehow she then also worked out that I did also. Spoke again for an hour after church tonight about things. So, one ecstatically happy bunny here, have arranged to have a real good talk next Sunday after church, really looking forward to it.</p><p>Must go now, getting very late, and cold in the study, so night night, and once again </p><p><span style="color:#ff6600;">HAPPY EASTER </span></p><p><span style="color:#ff6600;"><br /></span></p>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-83933439965620055632010-03-22T20:55:00.000+00:002010-03-22T20:55:57.389+00:00A poem from two days ago<div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"> A poem I wrote a couple of days ago. Not sure why I decided to post it on here, but here it is. Hope you like. Not sure if I am referring to anyone specific in it, but if it is anyone, then it is probably a bit of me, as much as anyone.</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="center">I see sheep in the air with stars in their eyes<br />
Closing their ears to the worlds anguished cries.<br />
I see wheat in the fields while hungry bones stare<br />
And I see blind hands grabbing money - they can't see how to care.<br />
While dry tears fall down a hunger dulled skin,<br />
There's a stadium of cannibals cheering the win.<br />
And an old lonely widow stares at the dirt on the wall,<br />
While the whole world outside sits debating its call.<br />
I'm rich therefore I am - bawl the majority vote<br />
I'm safe and warm in my castle - see, I've a bloody big moat,<br />
Nothing gets in, but I'll still throw my shit out<br />
Ten points if it hits, "Did you hear someone shout?".<br />
There's a world out there loved by the God they despise,<br />
Blamed for their woes "Never hearing our cries".<br />
"Religion's at fault, it's the thorn in our side."<br />
But failing to see the rainforests in their eyes.<br />
There's a climate of fear - the world's getting hotter<br />
Mother natures packed her bags- "Quick somebody stop her".<br />
But it's too late for that, see mankind has moved in.<br />
I'll save the world - but where to begin?"<br />
"Where's God when you need him in all of this mess?" <br />
"It can't be our fault, we've all done our best"<br />
"Well, the proof's in the pudding, if God exists,"<br />
"He'll come down from heaven and slap all our wrists"<br />
But when that doesn't happen, you say "Life, how unfair!"<br />
"It would be far better for me, if He really was there".<br />
"I can't have a new stereo, fridge or TV",<br />
"You see, where God is concerned, it's all about me".<br />
So when the job doesn't happen, you're not as rich as you'd like<br />
And the love you once shared turns to a sense of dislike,<br />
When all that you'd wished for, doesn't come true,<br />
Well there's no room for God, 'cause it's all about you</div>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-85148719336985548842010-03-22T20:48:00.001+00:002010-03-22T20:49:57.452+00:00Another poem"No way " said I<br />
To one who cried<br />
the mantra<br />
"Wait,"<br />
For I knew more than he<br />
So I believed<br />
<br />
"No way" said I<br />
to one who cried<br />
in tear stained notes<br />
of agony<br />
And wept. And I<br />
declared "I know!"<br />
So, I believed<br />
<br />
"No way" said I<br />
to the one who cried<br />
"You doubt in me?"<br />
"But why?"<br />
The looked at me<br />
with purest love and humility.<br />
So I believed.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-51441116930662726272010-03-01T17:13:00.002+00:002010-03-01T17:43:45.456+00:00Alpha course, lack of faith and Lazarus<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWo0C3E7qTlc1BBl7-yvR6KqJ21Y75I9VG0WuPSyoW5bF3HsUB3wskibx3w5VeYtkVFK1_LS05fpFG2J7wa4EK5ksd1Xn2-1SaPFQFTbMu0GdqDv7mi2naHIV8sc0k5rGCzZju0HiSwWg/s1600-h/Untitled-1.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWo0C3E7qTlc1BBl7-yvR6KqJ21Y75I9VG0WuPSyoW5bF3HsUB3wskibx3w5VeYtkVFK1_LS05fpFG2J7wa4EK5ksd1Xn2-1SaPFQFTbMu0GdqDv7mi2naHIV8sc0k5rGCzZju0HiSwWg/s320/Untitled-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443714268918130530" /></a>Back again.<br />So, what have I been up to since I last blogged? Rather a lot as it happens. I had just been baptised and confirmed last I posted and I still find myself thinking "Oooh, wow" about it every now and then.<br />Work and everyday life are much the same as usual, so nothing to write about there really, but to my own amazement, I have started the Alpha course at the town church.<br />I had always viewed the Alpha course through internet rumour tinted glasses (speaking from hindsight here), and after reading countless reviews of how it was nothing to do with Christianity, or if it was, all it encouraged you to do was roll about on the floor barking like a dog, and making out it was the Holy Spirit responsible, I am glad to say that so far, it is nothing like that at all, and I am really rather enjoying it.<br />There are seven of us doing the course which is great, not too many to be impersonal, and not too few to not get a few different viewpoints. One on the course did the confirmation course and was confirmed at the same time as me, so someone I knew already, with the vicar leading the group.<br />Before I went, I was very dubious about the whole thing indeed, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that if it really was that bad, I could leave at any time, but would never really know until I went.<br />I was very pleasantly surprised. The best thing about it, apart from the lovely meal before hand, is the ability to talk about everything, without worrying about whether who we talk to thinks that we are either thick, or a bit nutty, and also being able to listen to other people talk about their faith, life and relationship with God. Many times I have thought to myself "that's it" because I had never thought of something in the way the other person had. I have found being able to talk about my faith with MLO much easier too, practice makes perfect in that respect I guess.<br />Have been to seven of the sessions now, and have four left, I think.<br /><br />Something else has been going on, whether it is linked with my going to Alpha or not, I am not sure, it may do and then again, may not. I have started to ask myself whether my faith is really what I think it is - if that make sense. What I think I mean is, whether it is all that strong, and whether I really trust in God with my whole heart or not. I have been thinking more and more about it the past few weeks, and have come to the conclusion that I had kidded myself about how strong it was/is, so basically I really wasn't trusting in God with my whole heart. I was at work one afternoon, and had some quiet time to myself, so was having a good think. At the time I was pretty much beating myself up, convincing myself that no matter how hard I tried, or what I did, it would never be good enough, that I was rather useless in fact. I couldn't get my head round the simple fact of just believing, and trusting in God. I had kidded myself that I did, but it was painfully obvious that I didn't. While all these things were going round in my head, Lazarus walked into the shop, obviously not the Lazarus from the bible, complete with grave clothes and a napkin on his face, but a Mr Lazarus, but at that moment, it was Lazarus stood there paying for petrol. All I thought at that moment was, "I need to die to myself so I can be reborn, and to believe - have faith in Jesus, that in him everything is possible. Just trust, believe and receive". To say I was a bit "what just happened there" would be an understatement, although I know what did happen, was Mr Lazarus came into the shop to pay for fuel, it could have been anyone else, but for him to come in at that moment.......well. Ever since then, I have read, seen and heard all over the place time and time and time again,in bible verses, prayers, hymns, articles even on television and radio, the words over and over again, "Trust in the Lord with your whole heart, and lean not on your own understanding", Worded differently, told in a tale and a hundred other ways. Maybe I am just looking out for it, but it keeps popping up all the time.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJejwmPHVDEfhtmhyphenhypheniIfwPTYN8vhkach-Fr8_APkmRMWiOrOzT0PL_W7xB1sXlJtk33Udy9lHdsNtb8vbTVKnAjgId2xHsYCXF19lthEXwg2-MExUK6UaDshFN8N4V2VKZ5QON6PNNGSw/s1600-h/trust2shrinked.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJejwmPHVDEfhtmhyphenhypheniIfwPTYN8vhkach-Fr8_APkmRMWiOrOzT0PL_W7xB1sXlJtk33Udy9lHdsNtb8vbTVKnAjgId2xHsYCXF19lthEXwg2-MExUK6UaDshFN8N4V2VKZ5QON6PNNGSw/s320/trust2shrinked.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443712132864575074" /></a>Trouble is, I don't know how to. I genuinely thought I did, obviously I didn't. Although having said that, thinking about it, I wonder whether it might be something. There is something I really want to do , but haven't put my name down to volunteer, as I am convinced that everyone will say I'm either not good enough, or wonder how I dared to put my name down in the first place. Perhaps that's it. I remember when I first saw the opportunity, it lice for a prayer to be said for them if they needed literally jumped out at me, four weeks ago now, and I haven't been able to get the idea out of my heart and head since. Perhaps that is all it is, to trust that it is what God wants for me? I guess I'll never know unless I try will I?<br />Oh well.<br />Last Sunday, church was very different to usual, at the town church anyway. It sort of turned into a healing service somewhere along the way, complete with cheesy american muzak. Two of the regulars told of their experience of healing, including one of cancer being removed from the one persons husbands hand, gone, without a trace, after prayer. They went on to talk about the power of laying on hands and how it had affected them. Next thing they invited people up to be healed, at least that's what I thought they asked, cue cheesy muzak, and cue silence from the congregation. Everyone became glued to their seats at that point. After a few minutes of standing there with no takers, the one simply said thankyou ,and sat down. Poor man. Afterwards at some point, I cant remember when exactly the vicar stood up and said he felt that God was letting him know that someone had a bad right eye, and that people could go up after the service, and the vicar and others would pray for them if they needed it. <br />At the end, I suggested that MLO go to have a prayer said for him, as he has had a very painful shoulder for the last few weeks, fully expecting him to look at me as if I had gone a bit in the head, but to my utter amazement he said "why not", so we went up and waited, and he had a prayer said for him by the vicar and another man whose name I don't know. MLO was really touched by it, and started to well up a bit, but that's not difficult when the vicar says a prayer, you know that he means it with his whole heart. <br />Anyhoo that's me all up to date again, for the time being anyway. Have another Alpha meeting tomorrow night, all about resisting evil. That should be interesting. We have skipped the ninth session - how can I be filled with the Holy Spirit, having done the other two on the Holy Spirit Saturday just gone. Not sure when we are doing the ninth. Anyway TTFN.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-24572751674582793112010-02-27T01:37:00.002+00:002010-02-27T01:40:02.175+00:00Back to normal again.Ok, I gave up, no matter what I tried, I couldn't get the designs to work, so have gone back to the old design for the time being. Have a quiet day tomorrow at last, so will update the blog then. TTFN.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-86046504285213054862010-02-16T00:07:00.003+00:002010-02-16T00:13:00.958+00:00Another redesignWell, I changed the design again, as you most probably have seen. Think I like this one, but will more than likely alter the colours a little. then, when I have done that, I will post a proper blog post, as I haven't done in quite a long time.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-51711703651296914262010-02-13T02:22:00.003+00:002010-02-13T02:25:44.586+00:00A bit of an improvementStill stuff to do, but now I have done it, I am not too certain that I really like it all that much. Might just go back to how it was before. Am now off to bed, as it is way too late. Meeting mum in six hors or so, and haven't even gone to bed yet. Dreadful behaviour. :-)FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-18679308492330377222010-02-11T01:40:00.000+00:002010-02-11T01:40:34.860+00:00A bit of a redesignAs you can see, this is very rough and ready. Will tweak when I have a bit more time. Definitely not finished yet.FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-64196861941506983722010-01-12T00:30:00.000+00:002010-01-12T00:30:16.467+00:00Baptised and confirmed :-)<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">Yesterday I was baptised and confirmed by the Bishop of Hereford at St Pauls (town church). There were five of us altogether who were confirmed and just two of us were baptised aswell. It was an utterly amazing experience, so completely amazing. I still cant quite get over the whole thing. (Not that I ever really want to :-)).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I spent the day in a bit of a whirl really. First communion was so wonderful, I think I surprised myself at how it made me feel. When I was given the bread, I just stared at it for a while trying to get my head round it, what it was, being able to be there, and take part in something so mind blowing, so special and wonderful. Then in the evening at St Andrews (country church) it was the same, but this time I was given the bread by the vicar, ( the Bishop gave it me in the morning) which was was really lovely, and the wine by a wonderful man, who along with everyone else, were the reason I wanted to be confirmed into the churches we go to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">When MLO and I arrived in the evening so many people came and congratulated me, and welcomed me, I have never felt so in awe of peoples kindness and love, and I have done nothing to deserve that, other than turning up to church each Sunday. The vicar came out then to welcome me to the church, which was also such a lovely kind gesture. Right now I am not quite sure what to do with myself, all I seem able to to is alternate going round in floods of tears because I am so overjoyed,then humbled, at everyone that I cant quite control my emotions, then thanking God for everything in my life, the people I know and love, and everything else. I hope I never forget yesterday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">The previous Sunday, the vicar had tried to get me to agree to say something about why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed, I backed away from him at that point, no way Jose am I getting up there in front of everyone, he did say that if I wrote something then the Bishop would read it out. Phew.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I had tried to get something written and had made many attempts at getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper, but it always seemed wrong. I was sat in front of the computer yesterday morning about half an hour before we were due to get to church staring at the screen thinking that now would be a good time to decide on what to to put. So I just wrote, and hoped it was ok.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">We got to the church, and waited a while for the Bishop to arrive, which he did, complete with big black swooshy cloak, looking like an ecclesiastical version of Dracula, but infinitely less scary, and who quickly put us at our ease, as we were all rather worried. He then mentioned saying something, which most of us had hoped he would have forgotten, but he agreed to read three of ours out, and two brave souls read their own. The one lady who read hers out told us about the most amazingly terrible time in her life recently, more unhappiness, sorrow and badness than I know I could have coped with, yet she was up there, thanking God for what she had, made me think about my life in a different perspective.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">Then the bishop read out what the other three of us had written. This was what I wrote.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> When I was much (!) younger, I used to go to church, and really enjoyed it, but as I got older, I got out of the habit of going, other than for special occasions. I would sometimes read the bible - when I could remember where I had left it, and prayed on and off whenever I wanted something. I was happy to call myself a Christian - without really thinking about what it meant.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> But it always felt like something was missing - a hole in my life, and no matter what I did or had, or what I bought, the feeling wouldn't go away.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I quite often thought about going back to church, but never did. I thought maybe it wasn't necessary , that I could carry on as I was. </span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I used to imagine that God was this huge stern guy in the sky, complete with big grey beard and fiery eyes, someone to be scared of, who, if I ever put a foot wrong would probably make my life a misery.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> Eventually, I realised that whatever else I did, I needed to go back to church. It wasn't like I made a decision and said “right, I'm going today“, it was a feeling in me that I felt I couldn't really argue with. Although it took me a long time after realising that I had to go before I actually walked through the doors of a church, but I did (obviously), and am so very glad that I did.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> After coming for a few months, I realised how important it had become to me; that I had started to really look forward to going each Sunday. I enjoyed being there, worshiping God, praying, listening and learning something each week, and looked forward to seeing the people who had been so welcoming and friendly when we first started going.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I learnt that God wasn't as scary as I first thought, rather, that he was pretty wonderful, and He loved us pretty much no matter what; and to me, that was the most amazing discovery imaginable, and made me want to give something back, both to God, and the church I had been going to.</span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">That is one reason I want to be baptised and confirmed, so I can become a full member of the church, especially the churches I go to. I need to be able to show just how much I love it, and want everyone to know how important it is to me to be a Christian, a part of this church in particular and for all that it stands for. </span><br />
</blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">hopefully by being baptised and confirmed, I can show that I am making a commitment to this church and saying that this is the church that I want to be part of.</span><br />
</blockquote><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">Everyone was so lovely about what I wrote.</span><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">After the service, everyone gathered in the hall for coffee and biscuits, and several lovely people who I didn't know, came up to us and congratulated us. One lady even said she would love a printout of what I wrote, so she could read it again, which was so sweet. Then the vicar came over and said he thought it was lovely. The Bishop even said it was lovely and moving. Does that seem like shameless self promotion? it isn't meant to, I just cant get over how lovely everyone was. </span><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">We eventually left. In the evening we went to the country church. After the service the man who had served the wine said it was a privilege to have done so for the first time, then the vicar said it was lovely, so much kindness from people, I was on the verge of floods of tears. The vicar then said he meant what he said about what I had written, I cant think when so many people have been so kind, I am suffering from a kindness overload. How can I ever possibly repay all that, I haven't got a chance.</span><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">It was surprising, in that I didn't expect to feel different afterwards, but I did. Before I was baptised and confirmed, I wondered if I was doing the right thing, not that it was wrong, but not for the right reasons. Because one day I hope that I can have the privilege of becoming a vicar somewhere, I was worried that I was only being baptised and confirmed as a means to an end, rather than a means on their own, being done because that was what I wanted to do then. I hadn't been listening to God enough, and was more concerned with my own sillinesses, otherwise I would have been more certain I'm sure. After the Bishop lifted his hands from me, and I stood, I knew that it was for the right reason, any worry that it wasn't, went. I felt so amazingly calm. Something else surprised me, up to being baptised and confirmed, I remembered a conversation I had had with the vicar months before when I said I wanted to be a vicar, but had said I wanted to wait until I had been baptised and confirmed before I wanted to do anything or talk about it again. In recent weeks, I had been thinking about that, and was worrying about it, what I would say, but that went too, not that I don't want to anymore, I still feel that is what I want to do, but rather than worrying, I feel so calm about it, whatever happens happens, and I am completely content whatever does. Quite surprised at how laid-back I am. I am completely at peace over it, all I can do is thank God for His love, and His grace and his overall amazing wonderfulness. Thank Him for bringing me to this point in my life and thank Him for all the people who have got me to this point;</span><br />
</div><ul><li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">MLO for his unfailing love and support.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">My mum, who, whatever else is still my mum and without whom I simply wouldn't be here.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">MLOs mum for agreeing to come on Sunday, and realising what it meant to me. </span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">The vicar for giving his time to get us through this, and helping us learn what being a Christian is and means for our lives, and for guiding and teaching us and being a wonderful example to us.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">The Bishop, who baptised and Confirmed us, which was an enormous honour for us.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">All the people at St Andrews and St Pauls who are so welcoming and kind, and the main reason for me wanting to be baptised and confirmed as a part of those churches in particular. </span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span>
<li align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> For everyone in the past who led me to You Lord.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"> </span></ul><div align="left"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">I thank you God for them, and I thank them for all they have done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;">Thats all I can write right now.</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Helvetica", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-11334706085114764462009-12-19T22:26:00.002+00:002009-12-19T22:28:36.600+00:00Will it snow?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC2lH6nkyD5BjQBv1AvPy_zwtr6ZXj7R0-URpSrKubGV_dYK8Tp77DdPz2DmCvdtYcjb_ruvRoGZdrDZYrLHA7u-rLl_XOh_Q_8RNXmQVi9MIBsW1kZ7D_XvRo_a6zQ6oKxceTnw1_dqQ/s1600-h/DSC03386.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC2lH6nkyD5BjQBv1AvPy_zwtr6ZXj7R0-URpSrKubGV_dYK8Tp77DdPz2DmCvdtYcjb_ruvRoGZdrDZYrLHA7u-rLl_XOh_Q_8RNXmQVi9MIBsW1kZ7D_XvRo_a6zQ6oKxceTnw1_dqQ/s400/DSC03386.JPG" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Rather sadly, I am currently sat in the study intently staring at the nearest outdoor light (when not typing this that is), watching for snowflakes falling. We have snow forecast you see. And if there is a single weather type that I love more than any other, it is snow. Here is a little robin who was staring straight at me last year when it snowed, just asking for his picture to be taken. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Have just got off the phone after talking to mum, she was busy gloating about the fact that is snowing up where she lives in Birmingham, rubbing it in because she knew it wasn't here. Grrr. However, tomorrow she is off to Ipswich to stop with her brother for Christmas, and whilst here in Herefordshire we have a fairly good chance of seeing some snow at some point on Christmas day, over in Suffolk, the forecast is for a very wet and mild Christmas day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Met up with mum in Hereford on Wednesday to have lunch and exchange gifts before she went off. Was a quite cool day, but thankfully stayed dry. Had a good look round the shops, but didn't get much. Did get a couple of extra things for mum. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Currently I am rather cold. There is no heating in the study, and am togged up in various jumpers and things,have two carol services to go to tomorrow, so that will be fun, especially if it finally manages to snow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Not entirely sure why I chose to blog right now, but the excitement is too much I had to write about the fact that snow<span style="background-color: #073763;"></span> is on the way. I'm worse than a child when it comes to it really, that's what MLO says anyway. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Will probably blog again tomorrow after church. TTFN for now. </span>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3441127837186540770.post-5819658660332199712009-12-14T20:42:00.000+00:002009-12-14T20:43:27.029+00:00Confirmation date known. :-)<p>Great news. :-)</p><p>Mr vicar, finally, was told when the Bishop would be able to come and do the confirmations: January the 10th. Not long now! As he (the vicar) had planned for a confirmation class on the 10th, he had to change it, and I think we are all meeting on the 3rd, with a bit of a practice run through one evening that week. Not long now. :-)</p><p>Yesterday, we had a whistle stop tour of the bible, and how everything all fitted together, how certain stories in the old testament are mirrored in ways in the new testament. To begin with he had us all on the floor drawing out our family trees, starting with us, and going back. We then talked our way through our family trees, explaining things as we went. Then he spoke about the bible and how the books within it are grouped, and what the significance of that is. He explained it in a way that definitely made sense. He went on to tell us about the family trees of Israel, mainly from Abraham to the exile. It seemed much more enjoyable as we seemed a bit more involved in things, rather than just sitting round talking.After going through the new testament, it was time to go. </p><p>Earlier on yesterday it was morning church, and the nativity play. Which was absolutely lovely and gorgeous. Children everywhere. And pretty much a full house too. The church looked lovely aswell, there were stars all over the walls sparkling and, streamers across the church hanging down and shining, plus an enormous Christmas tree in the corner. I hadn't really felt all that festive, but with the play, the decorations and the great happy mood, I definitely feel festive now. </p><p>Yesterday evening was country church. There was quite a few more people there than the previous week, but the new people from last week weren't there. We sang one of my favourites too, In the bleak midwinter, to end the service. </p><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwD6Vt8HIBZVS5IkWNgt9aa38w7fyEw572WcodSQ6gm0Qoj71bxozio3PBw8y3fTRWj4Im4Ze77zMd3JJJ4wyDh1DUWcHb1yeVeo1kNZAbkqk2M708ykw-mOyYKMEsgttDwQ-IHbjBE4Q/s1600-h/tree.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwD6Vt8HIBZVS5IkWNgt9aa38w7fyEw572WcodSQ6gm0Qoj71bxozio3PBw8y3fTRWj4Im4Ze77zMd3JJJ4wyDh1DUWcHb1yeVeo1kNZAbkqk2M708ykw-mOyYKMEsgttDwQ-IHbjBE4Q/s400/tree.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415192679411498402" /></a>Yesterday, we also put up our Christmas tree and decorated it. Now it most definitely feels like it is almost Christmas. The town church and country church both have their carol services next Sunday, which I am really looking forward to, and Midnight mass which I am also really looking forward to. Not sure who will be doing the service though, as Mr vicar will be doing the town church, and we will be going to the country church, so we will see. </p><p>Oh well thats it for now I think, I have work tomorrow, then meeting up with Mum on Wednesday, so may post again this week. </p><p>TTFN for now. </p>FullOfHopeAndJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12328036721346501538noreply@blogger.com0