Learn Who- who in your area has goods and services for the best prices, has goods or skills you can learn from or barter with, who online offers great frugal tips, who of your friends supports your frugal efforts, and who encourages you to be a spendthrift, who is having a great sale this week?.

Learn What: what is a good base price (Traditional Medicinals or Good Earth Teas for around 2.00 a box?), what's on sale, what has a good resale value (we look for these things at thrift shops and yard sales and other used sources, and resell some items at a consignment store, and some online), what to substitute when you're out of one ingredient.

When: Learn when things are in season, when they typically go on sale, when the cost of an item has nothing to do with its value, when to cut your losses, and when it pays to spend a little more up front and when it doesn't.

Why: why a temporary convenience can cost more than we realize, why it's important not to make frugality a misery (and how you can make it a joy), why you cannot buy the better you.

And remember that:
Before you can properly consider and apply what you have in your hand, you just may need to examine what you have in your heart. Without a spirit of contentment, we can never truly achieve a gracious and cheerful frugality. Without that pleasure in economy as a fine art, we cannot expect to be able to see all the possibilities in those things we do have in our hands.
And without that strength of character that makes possible cheerful self-denial, all our attempts at frugality are merely ash and dust in the eye.

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After checking both states where hubby and I have lived as adults, I actually did find a small forgotten savings account!

It wasn't much money, but I was encouraged and amused so I checked on behalf of my parents.  I found a few dollars an old employer owed my dad, too.  And my uncle has some money from a check he never cashed - I don't know how much.  And my late grandmother has nearly $100 that her heirs can claim.  Apparently a lot of people do!

Take a few moments to search the states where you and your spouse have lived as adults.  Remember to check maiden names as well.  Did you find anything?

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Here are a few things we've been gathering at my house:

• Pine cones, magnolia leaves and seed pods for free, natural decoration
• Bulk red pepper, chile, and cumin for a shaker of make-your-own-chili-seasoning
• Snow boots, to be worn twice, then handed down
• Tiny handknit mittens and Christmas sweaters from the thrift store
• Outgrown coats for the outreach center
• Our neighbor's fallen apples (with his blessing!)
• Fallen leaves to chop for compost
• Cluttery items to trade at the used book store
• Scraps for a paper maiche project

Gathering goes hand-in-hand with making and reusing. So what are you gathering this season, Frugal Hackers?

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However, there are times when it does pay to buy something new, usually, I believe, when you have two factors in play- it is something that often needs to be replaced, and you can buy it with a money back replacement guarantee.

LL Bean- Years ago I read about somebody who worked at LL Bean and was amazed at just how serious they were about their lifetime guarantee. The writer said he'd seen 70 year old men walk in the store with a muddy, beaten, ragged, well worn pair of shoes they'd had since they were 20 and set them on the counter and be given a new pair. My husband has hard to fit feet, and once he retired from the Air Force and combat boots were no longer part of the uniform, his shoes were wearing out within a month or two. It was very frustrating. Then I remembered reading that article, and we ordered two pairs of shoes from LL Bean. My husband wears one pair for six months, by which point the shoes are completely worn out. Then he packages those up and mails them to LL Bean for a replacement and starts wearing the second pair. He does this because it takes 2-6 weeks turn around time for the new shoes. It costs us the packaging and mailing fees, and that's all. This would not be frugal for me- I find the right shoes for me at a thrift shop whenever I find them in my size, and if they are in decent shape when I get them I can literally wear them for years before they wear out. My husband has decided that somewhere between the 7th and 10th pair of shoes, he'll just buy two new replacement pairs, as he's not comfortable having LL Bean replace his shoes for the rest of his life, and that would be about ever four or five years, which is at the lower end of how long I think a pair of good shoes should last.

Land's End:

The Lands’ End guarantee has always been an unconditional one. It reads: “If you’re not satisfied with any item, simply return it to us at any time for an exchange or refund of its purchase price.” We mean every word of it. Whatever. Whenever. Always. But to make sure this is perfectly clear, we’ve decided to simplify it further. Guaranteed. Period.®

Our first five children were born between 1983 and 1990. They are all girls. From 1992 to 1997 we lived in Nebraska, where the snow falls horizontally because the wind blows so hard. It was cold, cold, cold. The girls wore tights to church in the winter, and it was a source of great frustration to me how many pairs of tights we went through before I realized that if I bought them from Land's End, I could return any pairs that got holes in them and get them replaced for free. Although it seemed more expensive up front, it actually saved us a considerable amount of money and frustration every single winter, as the quality was so much better, for the most part the girls could wear the same tights all winter, and when they did get holes in them, I didn't have to buy a new pair, Lands' End replaced them. Land's End also has great sales on their overstocks website.

Sears: I haven't taken advantage of this one, but I know others who have. If you sign up for their Kidsvantage program, Sears will refund or replace your child's clothing if he or she ever wears it out before outgrowing it. My friends tell me this is especially useful for boy's slacks and jeans. If your youngster is putting holes in the knees if his or her britches, this may be a good deal for you. I prefer Lands End guarantees, as they are for the life of the product, not for the short amount of time a single child is in that size. And, of course, their Craftsman tools are legendary.

Here's another store I never have purchased from, but they do have an iron clad guarantee- Beau Ties and Neckties.

All Beau Ties standard neckwear is guaranteed. If you are not satisfied with your purchase for any reason, we will replace it or refund your money. No time limit. No exceptions.

Eddie Bauer also has a nice guarantee:

Every item we sell will give you complete satisfaction or you may return it for a full refund.®

If, at any time, you are not completely satisfied with your purchase, simply exchange it or return it to us for a refund (or merchandise credit, depending on your form of payment).

Dog toys: We went through about two dozen cheap chew toys in a matter of days when we brought the Zeus dog home. We finally got smart and spent about half what we'd already spent on one Kong chew toy. We never had to buy him another chew toy. That toy has lasted through the Zeus dog and through Donovan's puppyhood.
Another company with an ironclad guarantee for dog toys is goughnuts.

The Teaching Company makes great teaching DVDs and CDs on all kinds of subjects, and they are so fantastic that they back them up with a goldplated guarantee which I believe is unmatched in the educational products industry:

If you are not completely satisfied with your purchase for any reason, simply return it to us, and we will issue an exchange or a full refund for the price of the course, including shipping and handling.

Also, if a tape or disc ever breaks, warps, or gets damaged, we’ll replace it, as long as the course is in print, free.

That's pretty amazing.

One last company that offers a solid gold, diamond encrusted lifetime guarantee, no ifs, ands, or buts, and one which I have never ordered from because it's way out of my price range is Hammacher Schlemmer. Items they sell are unconditionally guaranteed for life:

Should any product fail to meet your expectations, for any reason, simply return it with proof of purchase. We will replace it, refund the cost of the item less shipping and service fees, or credit your credit card, depending on your original payment method.

Most of the time I have found thrift shops, yard sales, and simply making do the most frugal options. But from time to time, it really does pay better to spend a little more up front, and in those cases, I prefer to deal with a company that really backs up their product.

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This year I'm trying another approach, one that will save us all time and money. I'm throwing a holiday planning tea!

I hoped to take a nice long pause before Thanksgiving, when my calendar is clear, to plan for the holidays. I thought I'd pull out all the Southern Living Christmas books, sip a cup of spiced apple cider, and scribble out some lists on seasonal paper. Then I realized, "How much more fun would this be with friends?"

So I'm rounding up my guest list for a Saturday afternoon. I'll make spiced tea, coffee, finger sandwiches and something sweet. We can all bring a favorite Christmas craft idea or cookbook to share with the group. Maybe we'll all leave with new enthusiasm for the season ahead!

No pressure to deck the halls, race to another open house, or bake 12 dozen cookies to swap! How does this sound to you? How soon do you begin your frugal party planning?

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There are a number of ice-packs you can put together from what you have in your hand. I especially like this idea- first make a wrapper from a sock that has lost its mate or its usefulness- leave one end open.

Fill a ziplock bag about half full of water, fold it in half (so it will fit in the sock wrapper) and freeze it on a flat surface. Keep several ziplock bags filled this way and frozen so you can cycle them out for sustained ice packs.

Sometimes a ziplock bag will leak, and another way you can keep an ice pack going without the risk of leakage is to get a wash cloth wet, wring it out just so that it's not sopping and dripping everywhere, and then fold it neatly, slip it into a ziplock bag and freeze it (lay it flat on a cookie sheet for a nice, flat pack, these are more comfortable, more flexible, and also take up less room in the freezer).

For a larger pack, fill a gallon sized bag (or rinse and freeze two washclothes together) with just enough water to be about half an inch thick when laid flat, then wrap or pin a dish towel or a pillow case around it when frozen.

Keep two or three of these in the freezer all the time and you will always have one when needed.

Another tip I assume you already know is to keep at least a couple of bottles of water in the freezer- use old two liter bottles from soda or several old water bottles or a milk carton. We use these in the ice chest when we are going on a longish shopping day.

When I was a child my mother bought milk in waxed cartons (such as half gallons of milks come in). When we finished the cartons, she rinsed them thoroughly, filled them with water, and froze them, stapling the top shut. When we needed crushed ice for iced tea or making ice cream, we would take one of those ice cartons out to the patio and fling it on the concrete a few times, wack it with a hammer a few more times, and then dump out the refreshing crushed ice into a bowl or pitcher.

One prinicple that all these tips illustrate, regardless of whether or not you have a need for home-made crushed ice or ice-packs, is that one of the most important keys to frugality is planning ahead, which makes frugality much harder for me than it should be. I suspect that's true of a lot of us, and many of us dismiss certain frugal ideas as being too hard or burdensome or just 'not us.'

But planning ahead is an important skill to have- and rather than viewing it as a burden and an excuse to avoid certain frugal skills, we might learn to embrace the discipline as beneficent, something to help us learn new and better habits.

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Lindsey in AL Says: Can I borrow one of the DHM’s questions? She used up way too many of them This book keeps popping up on my radar, so to speak, and I can’t get it from the library yet.

I too would like to know if there are any ingredients that absolutely forego and likewise, whether there are any that you buy regardless of price? I know just about anything can be stocked up on sale if one waits long enough, but sometimes you run out.

Congratulations, Lindsey!  You'll find the answer to your question in #5 below.  Just use the contact form to send your complete name and mailing address, and I'll forward it to Mary so she can send your free copy of her book!

And now, on to the Q&A.  Of course Mary couldn't answer every question, but she did try to choose recurring questions or those that overlapped a lot.  Was your question answered?

1. How much time do you spend in the kitchen daily?
   I rarely spend more than 15 minutes for breakfast and lunch—I make simple food that comes together quickly.   For dinner I spend a little more time.  Forty-five minutes or an hour is not uncommon many days of the week.  But I often deliberately double my recipes so that I can have leftovers for an easy meal another day. For example, over the weekend I made two enchilada casseroles, one of which went into the freezer to be saved for a busy day.  Then this evening I made a HUGE pot of potato soup that gave us enough left over for lunch in a day or two.  I would say that on average I spend 1.5 hours in the kitchen each day.  (Full disclosure:  I cook.  My kids do the dishes. J  )
2. What are your favorite frugal meals?
   Potato Corn Chowder is wonderful affordable comfort food.  Pasta Carbonera is another frugal and delicious meal.
3. How do you deal with picky kids?
   Early in my parenting career, I read that kids need to taste an item 10 times to start to get used to that taste.  So from the start we instituted a ‘gotta-taste-it’ policy. Everyone is expected to taste at least a few bites of everything I am serving.   I make sure that most meals include a side dish that everyone enjoys, such as Really Big Biscuits (from my book!), muffins, applesauce, or fresh veggies with dip.  That way even if the main dish isn’t a hit with everyone, there are options that everyone can enjoy.  I also encourage kids’ interest in cooking.  Having a hand in preparing the food makes kids more favorably inclined even towards unfamiliar food.  Our tactics seem to be working;  my kids are all good eaters, even the ones who arrived in America at age 11 and 9.
4. How much time do you spend shopping and planning each week?
   I make 2 ‘big’ shopping trips each month, which between planning, driving, and shopping take me about 3 hours each.  (We live 30 minutes away from the most affordable store in our area).  Between times I make short forays to other stores, usually no more than twice a week and usually only buying sale items and loss leaders.  Those trips are usually quick  (in and out of the store in 20 minutes) and are combined with other errands.  Altogether I probably spend 10 hours a month shopping and planning.
5. Are there ingredients you never buy?  Always buy, no matter what the price?
   I never buy cream soups; I prefer to make my own white sauce—it’s cheap, yummy, and quick.  I don’t buy pancake mix, frozen waffles, packaged cookies, frozen pizza, or Hamburger Helper.  I can make these better, cheaper, and almost as quickly on my own.I always buy butter, good coffee, coffee creamer, fruits and veggies, ice cream, and chocolate chips for baking.
6. Does your book have dairy-free recipes?  Gluten free?  Egg free?  Vegetarian?
   Yes to all.  I haven’t counted every category, but there are at least 3 dozen gluten free recipes, many that are dairy and egg free, and at least 4 dozen vegetarian recipes counting desserts and make-your-own mixes. I have a child who is allergic to egg, and another who doesn’t do well with lots of wheat.   In dealing with their allergies, I began experimenting with ethnic cooking, and discovered that not only is it affordable, it is a great way to avoid some of the most common allergy-inducing foods in the American diet.
7. Is it possible to eat affordably AND healthfully? What about fresh fruits/veggies?
   Emphatically, yes! Using less ready-made food and learning to cook for yourself will save money AND improve your diet. Prepared foods are loaded with preservatives, food coloring, sugar, and salt.  Yes, fruits and veggies do cost money.  But if you focus on the most affordable ones and eat other, more expensive fruits only when they’re in season, it is possible to still save money.
8. Have you ever had people say you are too frugal?  How do you respond?
   I think that because I have a big family, people understand that I need to be wise with our money.   But the point I always try to make when talking about money saving tactics is that frugality is actually about freedom.  It gave me the option of staying at home with my children.  It helped make adoption more possible for our family.  We’ve been able to take trips, and we’ve been able to contribute to various causes that make a difference in the world. If folks focus on the benefits of wise spending, they’ll probably find it easier to stay motivated.
9. Is it possible to feed a family affordably in areas where food costs are high?
   Absolutely.  If you live in New York City, your final food costs will be a little higher than in some other areas.   But learning frugal shopping and cooking strategies will leave you with more cash at the end of the month, no matter where you live.
10. What kind of wisdom would you give your younger self?  Would she listen?
    I was fortunate to grow up observing my parents making wise choices with their money, which made it easier and more natural to be wise with my own spending as an adult.  However, I do wish my husband and I had avoided the temptation of buying a vehicle on payments right out of college. Even if a $1500 clunker needs a few hundred dollars of repair each year, it will probably be cheaper than spending hundreds a month – guaranteed - on car payments, with repairs on top of that.

Let's all give a big thank to Mary Ostyn, who took time to answer your questions while on a flight to New York where she is being taped today for a cooking demo on Parents.tv.   Congratulations, Mary, on a job well done!  Buy the book.

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Wrong! When we arrived, we discovered a string of family-owned motels on either side of the run-down campground. We quickly abandoned our plan. One 1950's motor court had just been completely remodeled with Pergo floors, allergy-friendly bedding, and a freshly tiled bath. The cost? Just $10 more per night than a graveled camp site--breakfast (and lovely soft beds!) included.

Likewise, we quickly scrapped the proposed grocery-store menu when we found a restaurant within walking distance. Its $7 hot buffet allowed kids to eat free--a nice supplement to a hot dog cookout lunch.

In all my internet research, I didn't find mention of either place. Is the corporate trend in web travel squeezing out the locals--and the savings? Here are some tips for looking beyond Orbitz and Expedia:

• Tripadvisor.com lets consumers review, and sometimes those independent gems rise to the top of the rating system. I've seen several hotels and restaurants which don't even have their own website there.
• Local destinations such as a fishing shop or quilt store may be able to recommend those in-the-know resources for your trip.
• Word of mouth remains the best strategy for savings, one frugalist to another.

I made a point of letting both owners know how much they made our vacation richer, and how I wished I had been able to find them online. If I were really frugal, I would have bartered some internet publicity for a discounted room rate!

What's your favorite independent travel resource? How did you find it?

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However, debt collectors also must abide by the law, and because most of us find being in debt and not being able to pay for it an excruciatingly embarrassing situation, we are emotionally easy targets for some unscrupulous collection tactics and this can push us into some foolish decisions. Although we paid it off a long time ago, there was a time when my student loans (which I have told my children NEVER to get) were in arrears, and our lives were made a misery for about a year by debt collectors who ignored the law. I wish I had known then what I have learned this month, but I didn't.

First of all, while it's reasonable to scrimp and eat beans and rice to pay your debts, it is not acceptable to skip meals or let your house or rent payment go into arrears. Every month feed your family (not eating out, not buying steak, but basic necessities) and shelter them (not at the Ritz) first. Divide up what is left to pay your bills and do not let a bullying debt collector browbeat you into pushing his debt to the front of the line. Make them play by the rules, too.

There are rules. You can read them here. Here are a few:
If they already have your information and can contact you, it is illegal for them to call any third parties to embarrass you.
Unless you give them permission (and don't), it is illegal for them to call you outside of reasonable hours (our debt collector called us every morning for six months- at 5 and 6 a.m. That was illegal. They cannot call before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m.).
If you tell them not to call your place of business or your employer (do this in writing), they must NOT call there anymore.
They may not call you continuously, hanging up and calling again, and again. (ours did this, too).
It's illegal to call you names, make slurs about your character, religion, or ethnicity (ours did this, too).

A debt collector WANTS to upset you because when you are upset, you are not thinking clearly. When you are upset you let yourself get pressured into irrational decisions that are not best for your family. It is their goal to make you mad, scare you, hurt your feelings, make you cry- these things are a plus from their point of view. You can't take care of your family's finances if a debt collector is able to use a verbal baseball bat to whack you off course from what you have calmly and rationally planned to do into some line of action that is best for him rather than for you.

So first of all, when a debt collector calls you, stay calm. You are usually not in immediate danger of going to jail, losing your house, or having your name published and shaming yourself for ever- and especially not if it hasn't even gone to court yet (and they may tell you it is going to court, but unless there are written papers with dates and locations in your state, that's probably not true, and that is also illegal). So it's hard, but be calm.

Get their information- the name of the person talking to you, the name of his employer, the debt amount and what it is for, and the phone number and snail mail address of the debt collection agency. Instruct them not to call you again that day.

Hang up. Politely, but quickly.

Write them. There are numerous sample letters on the internet that would tailor to fit your situation, whether you need to dispute the debt, need them to verify the debt (not the only reason, but one reason my college loan debt got so far in arrears is because somehow the amount changed when the debt changed hands, and whenever I asked for verification of the amount, the agency would just sell it off to a new collection agency), need to inform them you know their legal limitations and expect them to stand by the law, or you just want to make them verify the debt, which they must do if you ask, to buy a bit of breathing space. Here's one.

Do NOT send money based on any verbal agreement- definitely not a post-dated check. Insist on a debt settlement agreement in writing. Do not accept excuses. They can send it via snail mail. They won't want to, but they can.

Now, do be reasonable. If you owe the money, you owe the money. Don't back them into a wall, either, by refusing all contact and never making any good faith effort to work out a payment plan. Work out a payment plan, inform them what it is and how often they may contact you (once a week might be fair), and keep up your end. Just don't let yourself be emotionally bludgeoned into more than you can actually reasonably do.

The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act is here. you should read it if you have debt collectors in your life.

Here is one Mom's account of her dealings with unscrupulous debt collectors and how she handled it.

This FAQ is helpful.

There is a statute of limitations on old debts and it is illegal for the collector to try to collect after those dates. Now- I don't advocate using this to avoid payment of a debt you owe. HOWEVER, your knowledge of this could be leverage in getting a rude collector to tone it down.

Knowing your rights and expecting debt collectors to respect them can save you money as well as stress. In our case, we allowed the bullying of the debt collector for my college loans to pressure us into making a bad financial decision- to get them off our backs sooner we made only minimum payments on another debt so we could pay them off faster, when we would have been able to pay off *both* bills and saved a chunk of interest if we had made the smaller payments on the college loan while first paying off the other debt with larger interest payments.

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Breakfast at Home

Make your own coffee and breakfast in the morning; don’t buy it. Spending $6 every morning at McDonalds or Starbucks doesn’t sound like much but that equals $2,190 a year…per person. This may require splurging on a coffee maker with a timer, but all that’s required of you is the water, coffee and filter the night before. Some fancy models have permanent filters– no paper filters needed- and some offer insulated travel mugs for your convenience.

Lunch at Work or School

Pack your own lunch with drinks and don’t buy them everyday. If you are spending $10 or more every work day for lunch, drinks and snacks, that racks up a whopping $2,700 a year. Just think of all the deli meats, wheat bread, and fresh fruit that can buy! This includes dad and the kids’ lunches; insulated lunch boxes are sold everywhere in designs to please everyone, even dad.

Transportation

Inner city or suburb residents can change their mode of transportation; consider carpooling, bus, subway, walking, or scooter.

Dinners

Plan dinners a week in advance. Put your slow cooker and microwave to good use. For small families or singles, a toaster over uses considerably less electric than a conventional oven. Take a Sunday afternoon doing nothing but semi-preparing for that week’s meals, such as chopping vegetables or frying burger. You can save even more time, money, and sanity by preparing some meals to freeze. Moms, you should also consider serving your kids Koolaid instead of those sugar-laden, ten-percent-juice-drinks. You’ll save money and your kids’ teeth.

Reduce Your Heat

Turn down heat, buy some slippers, put on your hoodie, and then keep your heat below 74 degrees Fahrenheit and the air conditioning above 77 degrees Fahrenheit.

Reconsider Cable Television

Choose the smallest satellite or cable package.  Reassess how much TV you actually watch and you may decide to cancel all together. Why spend $60 a month on something you seldom use when you can save $720 a year?

Remember the Library

Utilize your local library – where else can you rent a movie for a week, free of charge?

Get Rid of Junk

Reorganize, have a yard sale, then use the cash to pay bills.

Stop Paying for Unnecessary Electricity

Unplug what’s not in use – charges, printers, radios, electronic games. These items all pull electricity even when turned off if you leave them plugged in.  Try plugging things into a power strip and hitting the “off” button whenever you're not using them.

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