A few weeks ago I announced that after 3 years (4 in January!) I will be shutting down Free and Flawed. Well my friends, that time has come.

I’ve told a lot of people about this decision and I can’t tell you how excited I am about the fresh start. Being able to actually tell people about parts of my past instead of them already having read it on my blog is something I’m really looking forward to. And, perhaps, I’ll finally feel comfortable opening up more (like I used to) knowing that three years of vulnerability aren’t stacked up behind today’s post. Baby steps, right?

Free and Flawed will always be here — I can’t let go of all the memories quite yet, but it will be a private blog protected by a username and password. You might notice a few posts pop up on the new blog, but that’s because they make me giggle, highlight a person or provide something of value still.

I will leave this post up until after my move this weekend, but come Monday, November 1st, Free and Flawed will be closed.

To keep up with the stick figures, awkward gym moments therapy-inducing quirks, and yes, the man known as CG, follow me to Bottle Up The Crazy — it looks the same, no surprises. It’s the same me, just a different domain. (And don’t forget to subscribe to the new feed!)

I can still be reached at freeandflawed[at]gmail.com or @freeandflawed on Twitter.

Thanks for reading, commenting, tweeting and sharing!

Vegas and I have a love/hate relationship, but rather than list all the things I hate about it, how about I just skip to the things that I love?

I’m not sure if you knew this, but I love Elvis. Sixteen year old me had Elvis posters and framed pictures in her bedroom. She even had an Elvis lunchbox. His voice makes me week in the knees. Yes, I know I was born in the 80s. But like the song says, I couldn’t help falling in love < / end cheese >.

I was in Vegas this past weekend for the BlogWorld & New Media Expo, but when I found out that Cirque was giving us bloggers comped tickets to see Viva ELVIS I flipped my shit. I’ve been wanting to see that since its debut earlier this year, but it’s not like I go to Vegas very often (twice in one year is total fluke).

So I donned my second cutest dress (I got stuck in the first one cause I zipped up some of the fabric #fail) and made a date with Elvis. Luck* was certainly with me that night as my guest and I were escorted to the front row instead of our original seats. As the show was starting, some of the Cirque cast was in the audience screaming and rushing toward the stage as if the King were actually in the building. As one climbed over us, she asked me to hold onto a postcard for her. I like free stuff, so I obliged. Imagine my giddiness when I saw it was a lovely head shot of Elvis. I think I may have yelled “Gorgeous!” in my best Australian accent – don’t ask me why.

The best part of the show was the live band. Elvis’ songs sounded great with a bit of a modern twist. A couple of the cast members even covered some songs, or sang along as a duet. My favorite was One Night With You. Two dancers flipped around on a guitar hanging 20-ish feet off of the stage. It was meant to represent Elvis and his twin brother. It was actually a pretty powerful scene, so I won’t ruin it for you.

The performance definitely followed the highlights in Elvis’ life, including joining the army, getting married and some of his many movies. It felt more like a musical than Beatles LOVE, but I’m not complaining. I sang along and tapped my feet the whole time. At various points throughout the show, they would project videos of Elvis and I teared up at least three times watching it.

An hour and a half later, I was twirling my red Viva ELVIS scarf around like I had received it from the man himself. The show was entertaining, the music was incredible and the view, well, who could ask for a better one?

Many, many thanks to Jess Berlin at Cirque for hooking me up with such sweet tickets. This was definitely the highlight of my weekend in Vegas.

You know what I could have done without? The super creepy Elvis impersonator I met while taking a picture of the Vegas sign. He just would not leave me alone. After an autographed photo of him with Carrot Top (who majorly freaks me out by the way), an attempt to sell me Elvis CDs and a super creepy picture later, he finally let me take a picture of the sign and leave.

See that face? That’s a face of a chick who can’t wait to get the hell out of there. It’s 1:45 a.m. The last place I want to be is in the middle of a road with a creepy Elvis who knows Carrot Top. That’s a horror movie just waiting to happen.

* I would have gambled, but remember what happened the last time I tried that?

I have a love/hate relationship with the first kiss. I love it because the anticipation causes your body to get all tingly and, if it’s a good kiss, the tingles last even after the kiss. I hate it because there is often confusion surrounding it. When’s the right time? Do you wait until they’re expecting it (i.e. when saying goodnight) or do you sneak attack them (and risk bumping heads)? What if the kiss is bad? Oh god am I a bad kisser?!

So I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now and three dates in, we still hadn’t kissed. We were approaching friends territory. After I let the neurosis do its thing (What’s wrong with me? Am I too short? What’s wrong with him? OMG he’s like whats-her-face in that Never Been Kissed movie! I could ruin kissing for him forever if I do it wrong…) I took your advice and decided that he’s probably just being a gentleman, which, lets face it, is pretty rare these days.

But I like to kiss. So the pressure to kiss or forever be friends was still there. So by the fourth date I was committed. There was no way he was leaving my apartment without my lips on his face. Fate must have been on my side because he ended up crashing at my place (he’s a gentleman folks, don’t get all pervy) and I was given more time. Of course the whole time I was awake in bed I was trying to Jedi mind-trick him into kissing me.

Come morning, I was scheming. Would kissing him in bed be unlady-like? Maybe I should wait. He’s 6 feet tall, so it’s not like I could just turn around and kiss him. What chair would I have to stand on to sneak attack him with a kiss? How would I explain climbing up onto a chair to him? I could wait for him to walk out into the living room and leap at him… Would playing “Kiss the Girl” be unsubtle?

So I’m going through all these scenarios that either involve me getting hurt, or him getting kicked so he has to bend down and then he kissed me. What’s happening here? At first I was nervous: could he read my thoughts? Cause I totally didn’t really plan on kicking him. Then I mentally slapped myself because here he is kissing me and here I am worrying about his potential sixth sense.

The kiss was good. And by good I mean knee-shaking-mini-fireworks-going-off good. Then I stopped. Once my brain caught up to my lips, I realized that of all the opportunities he had to kiss me, he chose the one when we both had morning breath. Being the awkward gal that I am, I said that out loud instead of keeping it to myself.

At least I didn’t have to leap frog off of something to kiss him, right? That would have made an excellent first kiss story though!

Earlier this week I attended the #140 Conference in LA. There were about 70 different presentations all lasting 10, 15 or 25 minutes. I had a few favorites, but the one that stood out the most was Real-time Web & Medicine by Krupali Tejura, M.D. She told two tear-jerking stories about how the real-time web is changing the life of her cancer patients.

Story #1 involved an elderly couple who were preparing to celebrate their 62nd anniversary. Unfortunately, the female had cancer and had to undergo chemo and radiation. Her husband, extremely worried, asked Dr. Tejura to please help her make it to their 62nd anniversary in October (this story is from a few months ago.) One day in passing, the couple told the doctor about their favorite classical musician, Andre Rieu. After seeing the way their eyes lit up while talking about him, Dr. Tejura went to the arena where Rieu was scheduled to play to buy two tickets as an anniversary present.

Unfortunately, a couple of months later, Dr. Tejura found out that this patient’s cancer had spread to her brain. Upon seeing her, the patient’s first words were “Do you think I will make it until December to go to the concert?” Crying ensued.

After writing this blog post about her patient’s story, Andre Rieu found Dr. Tejura’s blog and offered her patient VIP seating for the concert and an opportunity to meet him after the show. In the mean time, they FedExed her a box of CDs and DVDs. As far as I know, she’s still holding on and looking forward to that concert in December.

Story #2 involved a terminal cancer patient who’s wish was to take her husband to see the Pittsburgh Steelers play. Dr. Tejura spoke about this couple at a #140 Conference this past May. Never underestimate the power of social media. The organizer of the conference, Jeff Pulver, donated flights, Yahoo donated hotel rooms, and other attendees contributed money for transportation. Through other connections, they were able to get in touch with someone who knew an NFL Hall of Fame football player, and former player of the Steelers. He gifted the couple with 4 tickets to the Steelers’ opening game in the Heinz Suite.

Instead of telling us about the game herself, Dr. Tejura brought the couple out on stage at the #140 Conference. The room filled with applause and tears. The couple was so incredibly thankful and even though they weren’t up there long, their presence lasted throughout  the day. (You can read Dr. Tejura’s blog post about the couple here.)

Social media is powerful. It isn’t just about pushing a product, getting feedback and promoting a skill. Platforms like Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and blogs are changing people’s lives. Because of the network Dr. Tejura built around her blog and Twitter, these two couples were able to celebrate joy during a very devastating time. She really did make their dreams come true.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I hope that everyone who reads this will take some time to offer their support. You don’t have to raise thousands of dollars or run for 3 days to help. Share a story, sport some pink, design a shirt, donate your money, time, good vibes or company. Go Passionately Pink for the Cure.  Be aware, be educated and be supportive (in whatever way you can.) You never know whose life you might change – it might even be yours!

Update: See the comment from Dr. Tejura below. The elderly couple was able to celebrate their 62nd anniversary this week!

For months I have been struggling with this blog. For a while, I stopped blogging. I needed to redefine some priorities and rediscover why I loved blogging in the first place. I’m happy to be back, but it’s not the same blog it once was. The personal posts have been censored. I’m struggling to remain humorous when all I want to do is break down (some times.)

The struggles and the back and forth have been on my mind a lot lately. I suppose the concerns were brought back into the light when a co-worker, who I didn’t think read my blog, shared a post of mine with the company. The post wasn’t too personal, I wouldn’t have tweeted it if I weren’t okay with people reading it, but that just made me realize how much access anyone who visits my blog truly has.

This blog has been around since 2007. It’s been with me during some really difficult and private times, as well as exciting times. I’ve really grown with this blog. Its survived 6 themes, 4 moves, 2 breakups, countless meetups and 1,253 posts! But now anyone who I add to Facebook or Twitter have a direct link to the last three years of my life. There’s no privacy; I’ve lost control.

Tonight I realized that I have out grown this blog. There are posts that I am very proud of and don’t want to lose, but I don’t think I need to carry them with me. Initially I was going to export only the last year’s worth of posts, but even that is too much. I am 90% sure that I will be removing freeandflawed.com permanently (saving the posts for myself of course) and relocating to bottleupthecrazy.com. I think a fresh start is needed. Coworkers, acquaintances, family and friends will still be able to find my blog, but they won’t have as much story as they once did.

I’ve realized that my own baggage has been holding me back from moving forward with my writing. Now I just need to decide when (and how) to make the switch. I know it’s only a blog, but it’s become such a big part of my life. Coming to this conclusion has made me breathe easier. I know I’m making the right decision.

So thanks for reading. Thanks for being a part of the those memories and experiences created since 2007. I’m really looking forward to the new ones! (Oh! And thanks for being patient during this transition. I’ll be sure to send out a warning before the switch is official!)

P.S. Cemetery Guy and I have totally been going out on dates.

Disclaimer: I was given a (loaner) Dell notebook with an Intel Core i5 Processor to review for the Intel Youth program. The opinions below are mine and not of anyone at Intel.

Over the last few weeks I’ve felt like a fish out of water. It could be that while my body is ready for autumn leaves and cooler temperatures, instead I’m faced with record-breaking heat, impending doom (aka earthquakes) and rainbows. I guess that would confuse any Chicagoan living in LA. But that’s not what this post is about. For the last few weeks, this Apple fangirl has been blogging, working, playing and chatting from none other than a PC. That’s right, it’s not a Mac.

I was given the opportunity to review the new Intel Core i5 processor for the Intel Youth program. Of course there was a catch. I would be given a PC notebook and in return, I’d get to put it through hell. “It’s cool,” I thought. “It hasn’t been THAT long since I used a Windows computer.” Oh if you could have seen the first day I used it. I really should have vlogged that (hindsight.)

The Intel Core i5 processor boasted fast multitasking, long battery life, better energy efficiency and one bad ass wireless connection – all in a smaller, lighter and dare I say stylish laptop. (I like blue laptops!) Call me a skeptic, but I wasn’t buying it. I’ve had a number of laptops and not many of them lived up to my needs. So I decided to give this laptop a workout. If I could fulfill my freelance and community manager duties without it breaking down, I’d be happy to recommend it to family and friends – even if it’s not an Apple product.

Once I reacquainted myself with Windows (it was no easy task I assure you), I started community manager bootcamp. As a community manager, I run a lot of programs at the same time and overload my browsers with tabs. At any given time I am running both Firefox and Chrome, as well as a Twitter desktop client, Numbers and/or Pages, and iTunes or a Pandora widget. I tried to recreate my work environment on the PC. Instead of Numbers and Pages, I used programs similar to Excel and Word. I opened many content heavy sites like YouTube, Google Reader, Hulu and news sites. I let all that run while I worked on different documents and sang my little heart out.

Endurance:
I let it get a complete charge before using it. Unlike the power hungry Macbook Pro that I’m using, I got through about 3 hours of work before I decided to plug in again. This would be great to take to conferences or meetings when outlets are scarce. Of course, the size and weight of the machine would be con when faced with an iPad as a backup option.

Stamina:
The four-way multi-task processing allowed each processor to work on two tasks at once. This meant that I could have as many applications running at once as I’d like and the computer wouldn’t slow down. I noticed a small decrease in speed, but it wasn’t significant enough to cause frustration. The fans kicked on, which is to be expected. They were a little too loud for my taste, but I can look past that if it means the computer isn’t slowing down.

One thing I didn’t test, but wish I did, is gaming. I don’t play many online computer games, but I’m curious to know how it would have held up during a WoW marathon.

There wasn’t much that I didn’t like about my i5 experience, other than the confusion of using a Windows machine again, but that’s not relevant.

After returning the laptop I decided that if I ever find my way back to the PC world, I will seek out a computer with an i5 processor (or something equally as bad ass.) Although I didn’t test gaming, the graphics are sharp and I think anyone, whether you’re a casual user or a workaholic, will get a solid performance out of any machines running the Intel Core i5 processor.

Are you a PC or a Mac? If you’re a Mac, do you think you could ever be a PC again? Is being one or the other a deal breaker?

I’m pretty sure the management office at my apartment doesn’t have enough drama in their lives. So for funzies, they make a big deal out of little things.

I know it’s appropriate to chase someone when they OWE money, but when they paid too much? No, that doesn’t seem right.

Apparently the management here at Casa de Jenn have a problem with credit.

A few months ago, I was stopped in the hallway by one of the managers asking me to PLEASE take care of the credit on my account. Because he sought me out, I assumed the credit was pretty significant to warrant a mid-hallway conversation. When I visited the office, I learned that I had an eleven dollar credit. Seriously? The following month the office charged us a one-time fee that my credit could have gone toward.
On Monday, the battery in my gate-opener-thingy died. Again. I hate paying $3 for one battery that only lasts 2 months, but I didn’t have enough time to run to CVS, so I stopped in the management office. While there, the same manager fellow stopped me and asked me to please take care of my HORRENDOUS credit. At first, I had a mini heart attack wondering what happened to my credit. Then I realize he’s talking about my rent. I asked him how much of a credit I had since it was so horrendous. I have a credit of $25. I’m rolling my eyes.

I don’t understand how I have credit in the first place. Each month a certain amount is due and I pay that amount. Where is the extra money coming from? Not that I’m complaining, but just lay out my payments so you’re not chasing me down later. OR JUST WRITE ME A FREAKING CHECK! OR (version 2.0) just hold onto it. I’m sure there is going to be another mystery fee popping up soon.

It’s little things like these that make me happy I’m moving out next month. Of course, they’ll probably charge me an inconvenience fee of some sort. I think they should worry less about the credit and focus more on the horrible appliance rental company they recommend. Two refrigerators die in three months? Not eff’in cool.

So D, who I now call Cemetery Guy (what an unfortunate nickname, but memorable) left me pretty confused after last night’s movie-in-a-cemetery date. If you can call it one. Maybe the other guys I’ve dated have just been horndogs, but on date #2, it is acceptable to go in for a hug/kiss combo. That didn’t happen. At the movie, he had every opportunity to get close. Not only was it cold, but we were watching a movie about zombies in a cemetery. Hold a girl, will you?! The lack of affection kick-started a “was a date/wasn’t a date” list.

Was a date: He paid for dinner twice, the movie “donation” and the parking fee.

Wasn’t a date: There was enough room between us for the Holy Ghost and three of his zombie friends.

Was a date: He would find some way to touch my knee or shoulder while we were talking.

Wasn’t a date: He spent more time petting my cats than me.

Was a date: …

Wasn’t a date: He ended the night by pushing my glasses up (apparently they were falling off of my nose.) No hug. No awkward attempt at a kiss. Not even a handshake.

After the movie he came back to my apartment and for a night cap (I’ve always wanted to use that line), but instead of getting cozy on the couch, we made very unexciting conversation with him on one end of the couch and me on the other.  If he wasn’t interested, why would he come back to my apartment instead of being dropped off at his car when I offered?

A friend suggested that maybe he’s just a nervous gentleman, or a virgin. Regardless of his sexual scorecard, I still find it weird. Why would you spend an evening in a dark cemetery with a girl under blankets if you didn’t like her? If he wants a buddy, I’m cool with that, but just let me know. But being a buddy means I don’t use the big brush on my hair and the cleavage disappears.

Am I weird for questioning this? Do I try for pseudo-date #3? Do I wait for him to contact me? Or maybe I should just move on to bachelor number three…

Excluding a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t been out on a date in probably almost two-ish years. There was the bloggable relationship with Mr. Mega, but he already knew my story and quirks before our first date. The benefits of dating someone who reads your blog I guess…

Last night I went on my second first date with an OKCer. I wasn’t really worried about him killing me, but I started to doubt my dating abilities.

I was impressed with D though. He has a great sense of humor AND he’s taller than me. Already it looked better than my previous date. After spending nearly three hours talking over dinner, I decided that he’s a pretty swell guy. Oh, and did I mention that he’s ridiculously good looking? In a weird, much more attractive way he reminds me of Devon Sawa from his Casper days. That’s not to say that he looks dead, but… You know what, never mind.

So as we walked me to my car, he asked about my weekend plans and I his – totally left it open for another date. But instead of asking me, he wished me a good night and we went our separate ways. I was kind of stunned. No awkward attempt at a kiss? No hug? No mention of another date? Wait… was I on a date? Oh man, it’s because I told him about the femur under my bed isn’t it?! It’s not like I told him about my issues with orange juice. CUE GIRL FREAK-OUT! I called my Voice of Reason, Alex, and she mentally bitch slapped the girly worries out of me. It was too late though. I had already texted him to let him know I had a great time and that I’m horribly awkward at saying goodbye. (Ugh, I’m such a girl.)

But apparently he didn’t think I was too awkward. He texted later to see if I wanted to see him again. I held back and instead of replying with “OF FREAKIN COURSE YOU TALL DRINK OF WATER!” I went with the much calmer “I’d love to.” And to calm my worries even further, he hoped that I’d squeeze him into my schedule soon. Consider yourself squeezed sir.

… Really?

God I am so awkward! ANYWAY! He suggests Saturday and I throw out the idea of catching a movie at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I had such a great time there before, and I’ve been meaning to go back. Tomorrow is the last screening for the summer, so my fingers were crossed that he wouldn’t be worried that I was suggesting a date in a cemetery. I’m awkward, but I’m not a creepster. Surprisingly he agreed. Sweet! I love picnics! Unfortunately, I didn’t really pay attention to which movie would be playing.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!

Yeah cool. I’m brave. I mean, who doesn’t watch a movie about the dead coming back to life in a cemetery on their second date? Night Of The Eff’in Dead. We can bring wine in right?

Moral of the story: Don’t let me choose date #3.

Remember that one time I spent $314 on makeup?

For weeks I have been looking forward to attending Fashion’s Night Out (a Girls in Tech LA) event. So often I’m going to networking events to, well, network, but this one was different. Sure it was all about the mingling, but I looked at it as a chance to hang out with some friends and be uber girly at Saks Fifth Avenue (Can you see where this story is going?)

We arrive, grab drinks, mingle a bit and then head downstairs for some glitter tattoos* and hair and makeup tips.

Disclaimer: I have never had my makeup done by anyone other than my mother or aunts. My daily routine doesn’t involve foundation, mascara or eyeliner. I’m lucky if I remember to brush my hair (I’m a catch, aren’t I?) I don’t do makeup because I don’t GET makeup. I went through a phase in high school where I thought blue eye shadow was the greatest thing ever, thus confirming suspicions that I was born in the wrong decade. I am the anti-girl.

So when it comes time to stop by a makeup station, my friends vote that I should sit down first because they wanted to see me glamified. When the makeup artist asks what I want done, I ask for something natural that I can recreate on a daily basis. Of course my friends voted for the vamp look instead. I vetoed that.

A hour, some moisturizer, corrector, foundation, mascara, blush, bronzer, lip balm, eye shadow and a bit of eye liner later, I was done. My face felt heavy. When I looked in the mirror, however, I was beyond thrilled to see that the super dark and baggy circles under my eyes were gone. Vanished. No more. Non existent. Poof!

So when he asked what I wanted to buy, I said that the corrector was a MUST have. As he’s telling me how I can recreate this look, the event was winding down, people were being (gently) ushered out and everyone was scrambling for last minute purchases. So when he was asking me questions, the only thing I can remember myself saying is “Do I look like a girl who owns makeup brushes?!” (To which he answered “no.”) Before I knew it I was handing over my credit card, praying the bill was under $150 and trying desperately to not rub my face.

It wasn’t until we were walking out of Saks that it hit me. I just spent THREE HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN DOLLARS on makeup. I think I had a heart attack while we waited for valet. I started thinking about all of the things I could have spent that money on: a trip to Chicago, a ticket to BlogHer, three therapy sessions, a new couch, the complete Buffy series,  vodka…

I immediately pulled out my iPhone and started going through the receipt to determine what needed to be returned. $42.50 for a brush?! Are you kidding me?! Final consensus? Everything, except the corrector of course! I felt better after realizing that in a few hours I’d have $297** back in my checking account.

Later that night when I got home, I spent a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t know if it was the stress from how much I spent, but I looked old. I had a lot of creases beneath my eyes that weren’t there before. My eyebrows were different. I didn’t really recognize myself under all of those layers. I had to wash it all off before I could sleep. As water dripped down my face, I felt beautiful. It was nice to see me again, even if I was only “gone” for a couple of hours.

Yesterday I bought some mascara and blush. I’ll dabble a bit, but I’m definitely keeping the natural look. Maybe as I get older I’ll develop more curiosity for makeup, but right now, it’s definitely not a priority.

* I never got my glitter tattoo.
** $247. I ended up buying some delicious perfume!