Forever Families

Fulfilling Children's Needs

2020-12-04T14:05:00.003-08:00

Parenting is a world that I have not come to yet. I have however been the child in a home with parents. Every single home and set of parents, rear their children a little different; obviously because they have different children, different needs, different cultures, etc. However, there is defiantly some "better" ways to parent. As a parent, you are to provide children with their needs and the opportunity to grow into good human beings and ultimately eternal beings. It is a great responsibility, yet an even greater blessing.

I would like to share with you a basic pattern in helping parents to help fulfill their children's needs and recognize why children may be acting the way they are. All people have needs in their lives. These needs are even greater for children and teens from their parents. Where there is a need, their is ways to seek to fulfill that need for good and bad.

This pattern has three connecting factors which consist of needs of child/teen, child's mistaken approach, and parental response. I would like to illustrate this below.

One big need is contact and belonging. When a child feels as though these need are not being met in their lives (especially from parents and family members), they will mistakenly try to fulfill that need in other ways. Children have been seen to seek undue attention for the lack of contact and feelings of belonging in their lives. I'm sure you have seen this at school with the class clown, or the trouble maker, the super quiet girl, or the kid who is always touching everyone. Parents must respond to their children's needs and make adjustments if necessary. Providing contact may involve physical touch such as hugs, kisses, high fives, holding hands, touching their knee while talking, as well as things like eye contact, and smiling. You may need to offer contact freely and make the extra effort to give your children more contact and healthy attention. With the concept of belonging, you can teach your children to contribute in the home. Help them help you with jobs around the house. Encourage them and let them know they are doing good job. This may look like, letting them help fold laundry, vacuum, or do chores. When they feel they are contributing to the family, they will feel more like they belong.

This is just one example of a "need" in which a child needs, yet it shows us the importance of proving them with healthy ways to fulfill their needs. Whether this is by being the provider or by teaching them skills to know how to accomplish it themselves.

I would like to touch on one point that I think is crucial to understand and recognize. As we saw above, when a child's need is not met, they will seek to fulfill it in another way or means. Dallin H. Oaks said, "You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy you." If children are not provided with these needs they will continue to seek other sources of relief; yet they will continue to not be satisfied unless they actually receive what they need. Parents are responsible to do so for their children.

I am so grateful that I had parents who provided me with needs and skills to live on my own. I hope I can do the same for my future family.

The Value of Work

2020-11-26T23:49:00.001-08:00

What do you think when you hear the word work? In the world today, work is something that people try to avoid. I hear people say, I should get payed for doing this, I hate my job, why do I have to do chores, I want to grow up and marry a rich man, etc. Yes, work is hard sometimes, it is time consuming, you will fail, and you will have to sacrifice, but what it teaches you is worth it all. In the For The Strength of Youth book it states, "Work is honorable. Developing the capacity to work will help you contribute to the world in which you live. It will bring you an increased sense of self-worth. It will bless you and your family, both now and in the future.

There are many ways to teach work in a family unit; through chores, working in the yard or garden, service, etc. I believe that the actual task is not what is important, yet the lessons that can be learned are things that will carry with you into the future. These may include...

Learning to rely and trust in each other.

Shared goals tend to bring others together.

Shared experiences helps you to get to know more about those you are working.

When you are working rather than playing you tend to share things and talk.

Being able to accomplishment something brings feelings of joy and value.

In the world we live in, work is seen as something that is undesirable. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that work and learning are eternal principles. We have the opportunity here on earth to learn the importance of progression and growing. I would like to share a few examples from my life of work within the home.

We had a garden growing up off and on. Sometimes for family night we would all go out and weed together. I would usually complain and not want to participate. However, looking back this was one way my dad was teaching me to appreciate the joy that comes from working together to accomplish a task. I remember that we usually did not get much done, but we were able to talk and enjoy each others company. Those moments helped me to draw nearer to my family. They also taught me that sometimes work is not desirable, but making an effort to work with others and enjoy the time it takes to work, is important. I have been able to take these things I learned from my parents and apply them now that I am in college. My roommates and I do not like doing dishes. A couple times I found my roommate doing dishes alone. I had no desire to do the dishes, however I remembered that it was an opportunity to get to know her and that as we worked together we would have more appreciation for each other. So I went for it. We did dishes together. We were able to talk about ourselves, we shared our talents by singing karaoke together, and we just chatted. I am so grateful for these simple moments we had together. I believe that I was able to get to know her in ways that only conversation could teach me.

Work is a beautiful thing. As we come to appreciate learning and progression we will be blessed to become so much more than we can imagine.

Challenges Can Bring Beauty

2020-11-12T09:23:00.004-08:00

Challenges and trials are guaranteed to every single person who is born onto this earth; however, the way we respond to them are a choice WE get to make. As I reflect back on the challenges my family and I have faced, I am reminded of God's tender mercies. We were never left alone, and we had an opportunity to grow and learn in every single situation we were placed in. I would like to share one of these experiences with you today.

When my sister was about 8 years old, she went through a trial that was unexpected and caught us all off guard. She was at church one day and she began to feel pretty severe pain in her stomach so she left her class and went into the hallway. My dad was substituting a primary class that day, which was a rare occasion, and noticed her in the hallway. After accessing the situation my dad rushed her home and off to the hospital. After church, the rest of us, along with my mom went home and were told what was going on. I don't remember fully processing what was happening but I know that my mom and dad kept us updating the whole time. My dad wanted my mom to be able to be at the hospital with him and my sister, so he called up a neighbor and friend, who was able to get my mom to the hospital. My dad wanted us to be taken care of as well so he asked our trusted neighbor if we could come over for awhile. I remember as we were heading out the door to go to their home, I decided to lock the door, just as I was always taught. We arrived at their house and they welcomed us in. We played games and her older children hung out with us. When it approached bedtime, she told us that we could head home now to sleep. I then informed her that we had locked the door behind us and had no way back in. She graciously listened and then set up arrangements to let us stay the night. Her teenage kids then took us under their wings and helped us while our parents were gone. We watched a movie, ate a lot of candy, played games, and enjoyed each others company. The next morning we woke up and were fed breakfast. Looking back I can see how we were able to use the resources of friends to help us in this time of hardship. I can also see how my dad and mom were able to communicate with each other and also us to make sure we were all on the same page. I rarely felt fear or anxiety about this situation. Over the next couple of weeks, my mom stayed at the hospital with my sister. I remember one time staying at my aunts house, because my dad wanted to give my mom a break from sleeping at the hospital. They were in this trial together and I can see how this played a role in strengthening my family instead of bringing us down. The young women in our ward brought over a candy poster for our sweet sister. We didn't even know these young women, but we were aware that they cared about her and us in this hard time. We had the opportunity to visit Saramae a couple times at the hospital. In some weird way, she seemed generally happy every time we did so. She told us about her nurses, showed us the stuffed animals she earned, and shared with us her experiences. On one of the days it was time for her to do her daily walk. She expressed to the nurse that she didn't want to because it hurt. The nurse acknowledged her feelings, but encouraged her to do so anyways. All of us as a family went into the hallway and helped her on her walk. We cheered her on and walked with her every step of the way. We were able to show her our love and support by helping her through her hard times. After a couple of weeks she was finally able to come home. On the way home we stopped at the store and Saramae began to cry. After some convincing, she expressed to us that she was crying because she missed the nurses at the hospital; they had been so nice and loving to her. She did not want to leave them behind. Even though our family went through a trial, we were blessed in so many ways because of it. Years later, while talking about this experience, my mom explained how this was a blessing for her and Saramae's relationship. Before this experience my sister was very angry and would blow up at my mom all the time. They did not get along. After this trial in which my mom had to spend many nights with her, my sister was able to see the love my mom had for her. Not right away, bur progressively after this experience their relationship began to grow and was strengthened for the better.

Looking back over this experience I am able to see all the many tender mercies set in place to help my family grow in love and support from this trial, instead of being separated and distanced. We relied on our resources, each other, our positive outlook, and the many blessings we were receiving. This experience not only strengthened us then, but it strengths me now as I reflect on the beautiful it experience it was.

Communication and Marriage

2020-10-30T18:00:00.002-07:00

When I hear the word engagement I think about a ring and a huge announcement. A young man sets up a fake activity and secretly has the family there with them. Then he gets down one one knee and proposes. This is one part of engagement; however, there is a lot more that should happen before their marriage.

One thing that should be done in this period of their relationship is communication about the future and about each other. This should be happening throughout the entire relationship, but especially now. Now, you may be thinking well our relationship is always going to be perfect and fun, so why the need to talk about it. Well if you are thinking this you are dead wrong. Marriage is beautiful, but it is in no way perfect. Some things you may want to discuss are how many kids you would like, money/spending, working, house chores, sex life, and talking about each others expectations. My mom and dad have taught me a lot about the importance of communicating with your spouse and kids. My dad told us that before they were married, they had a discussion about who would work and who would stay home. My mom expressed that she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Knowing this my dad said that he would step up and be the provider. This was established during their engagement and I think it saved them a lot of conflict. He also told us about how they had conversations with each other about their sex life, the number of kids they wanted, the way they would manage and spend their money, and they continue to have these conversations to this day. I believe that because they set the priority from the beginning that they would talk about decisions and expectations together, they were able to talk when bigger issues came their way. I have never heard my parents argue. One thing that my dad has told us is that he never goes to bed without saying I Love You to my mom. He makes sure that all issues or conflicts are worked out before hand. This is something that I believe helps their marriage. Another thing that my parents did during their engagement was set boundaries. They had the standards of not having intercourse until after they were married; so they decided that they would make sure they were always with at least one other person at all times. This boundary was there to protect both of them. This all came to be because of communication. My mom expressed that this is what she wanted to happen and my dad trusted her. Engagement is such an important time in this transition period in a relationship. Communication is key!

Wedding. White Dress. Flowers. Food. Pictures. Party.

After engagement comes the wedding. The wedding comes with it a lot of stress, decisions, people, and sometimes even conflicts. Just like every other step in your relationship, planning your wedding should be a time to communicate and work together. Often times, the bride and her mom are the ones who plan out the wedding, but it doesn't have to be this way. One thing that will probably be the big decider on what you do for your wedding is money. Money may come from a variety of places; you own bank account, student loans, family and friends, fundraising, etc.. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better. You will be able to make decisions together and even set priorities. It can also help you guys recognize that the wedding is not the final result of your relationship. You are actually not just planning a wedding but you are planning a marriage.

Learning how to communicate and work together with your partner is so important. You will come to appreciate, love, and learn from them as you do so. Marriage is an opportunity to create an eternal family and live with them forever. Remember this every step of the way as you go through the different steps of relationships. It will be worth it!

Dating

2020-10-24T19:16:00.004-07:00

Dating! Does this mean boyfriend and girlfriend, one fun date, hanging out, marriage, and sexual relations?

I think that this has become more of a debate in the last several years. When my parents and grandparents talk about dating, it consisted of going out with a variety of different people. They would simply ask someone out to a fun night playing games, going out to eat, or talking. There was no expectation because of the date. There was no commitment to take things forward or that there had to be a second date. After dating many people, they would come to find one person they would like to date exclusively. This consisted of continuing to go on dates to get to know that person more. If things worked out this would lead to courtship, marriage, and a family.

Now days, all these steps are combined into one or are not even taken. I think one main thing about dating now days, it that it is not happening. In my high school, the word dating meant that you were boyfriend or girlfriend. People would usually just hangout, which meant a bunch of girls and a bunch of boys, doing things together. Than if they wanted to get to know someone better they would text them until they thought they were ready to be called boyfriend and girlfriend. Often times their was not even a date within the mix of it all.

I believe that dating is something that we should make a top priority. Taking certain steps, one by one, into eventual marriage is important. This starts with dating. In high school I went to a couple dances and on a couple dates. I was able to get to know a variety of people and spend one on one time with each one. This gave me an opportunity to come to know them on a more personal level then by just hanging out. I decided that I wanted to wait to get a boyfriend or date someone exclusively until after high school. This helped to be able to go on dates without having an expectation for either person. Now that I am in college I have chosen to do the same. However, I have found that most people have turned away from dating even in the culture up here. Often people will hangout, get to know each a little, and then go to exclusive dating. They have an expectation that a date is a commitment.

I believe that dating is an important step in preparing for marriage.

Coming to know your true identity and purpose!

2020-10-17T15:46:00.002-07:00

"All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." - Gordan B. Hinkley

Have you ever asked yourself, who am I really? Do I have a purpose? Where did I come from? Why am I here? You are not alone! Many people have asked this question.

This is what I have come to learn about my identity and my purpose in life...

I believe everybody has the opportunity to discover the answers to these questions for themselves. Once you come to discover who you really are and who you can become, your life will be changed for the better. I know that I am a daughter of God. I have believed this since I was a little girl. As I got into my teenage years there was a lot of confusion in the world about this truth. However, what I know is that this knowledge makes me happier, kinder, willing to help others who are struggling, and gives me hope for the future. Same-gender attraction and homosexuality has been a big topic in the world around us and maybe even our own lives. I have come up with a couple common questions about this. Does it make a difference whether you act upon these attractions or whether you don't? Are you born with these attractions or do other factors play a role? There is a lot of opinions on these things in the world.

What I would like to share with you today is what I have come to see in my life and what I have learned from others research on these questions. I believe that every single person has the ability to choose whether or not they act upon any physical inclinations they may experience. This includes same gender attractions. "Learning to choose the things of the spirit over the things of the flesh is one of the primary reasons why this earthly experience is part of Heavenly Father's plan"(Giving Our Spirts Control). If you are like me, I was scared of this topic. However, as I come to know this truth and the gift of agency I have been filled with hope. You don't have to be like the world, you can stand out and be different. The things we surround ourselves with effect the way we think and act. I have chosen to surround myself with things that bring me closer to God. This helps me to be able to give my spirit control over my physical body.

Now, I do understand that same-sex attraction is real. As I have learned more about this topic I have come to find that many factors may play a role in people experiencing these desires or wanting to experience these desires. But I also know that ever person has agency. You can choose to live a chaste life worthy of the holy ghost.

I believe that as you come to know that you are a divine son or daughter of God, and that you existed before this earth life, you will have the courage and the perspective to understand anything that comes in your path. You will be able to face any challenge that comes your way and have the strength to live by your standards.

I am in no way perfect, but I know that as I trust in Gods words, and remember who I am, I am given strength to keep trying. You can to! You can come to understand this topic for yourself. You can come to answer the questions, who am I really? Do I have a purpose? Where did I come from? Why am I here? I hope that this gives you a start. Keep Going, Don't Give Up, and Remember You Are Not Alone.

Family Culture - The Role Religion Has On Mine

2020-10-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

What is family culture? When most people hear the word CULTURE, they think about their nation's traditions including arts, music, food, and ways of life. This is true in one sense of the word however family culture is something different. Family culture can be described in this way, " a characteristic way of thinking, feeling, judging, and acting" within the home and family unit. I would like to share with you what has shaped my family’s culture. When I look back at the 18 years I spent in my home, my family culture was largely centered on living as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Our values, our beliefs, the way we treated others, the ways we viewed life were all based on our belief to become more like Jesus Christ. This is one aspect that I want to take with me into my future family. I want to have religion at the center of my family unit. I would like to share with you one example of this...

My dad is the provider for my family. When him and my mom first got married, he was going to school, volunteering as a soccer coach, and working. He did this up until he had his third little girl. He then moved up to Salt Lake City when he got a fulltime job as a soccer coach and a math teacher. Over the next decade of living in Salt Lake he has worked as a math teacher the whole time and part time as a girls’ soccer coach, boys’ soccer coach, girls’ basketball coach, and boys' basketball coach. My dad is a hard worker and has always put his all into his job. However, work was never and is still not his first priority. Then what is? Ever since I was born my dad and mom have been strong members in their Church. They attend all their meetings which includes Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, and sometimes weekends. They also did their best in their callings which consisted of serving their neighbors. For 8 years my dad took a week out of his very busy summers to go and spend time camping with the young women of our ward. Church has always been one of my dad’s first priorities. His other priority is family. Looking back, I am amazed at how my dad was able to manage his time. I played on a soccer team starting at the age of 8 and my dad was alongside me the whole way. He attended my games, coached my practices, helped me practice and improve my skills on my own time, and loved and supported me. When he came home from long days of work, even though he was tired, he would spend time with his little girls and wife. In my teen years I noticed how tired and exhausted he was; we would tell his to take time for himself, but he often would still play games with us. Work could have gotten in the way of his priorities and my families culture could have been completely different because of it, however I am so grateful for my dad’s example of putting his priorities of family and church first.

I have seen time and time again my life being shaped by these priorities in which my parents have taught us. As you go forward with your life, I want you to consider what aspects of you family culture you want to apply to your own family and maybe even what things you would like to leave behind.

https://www.cof.org/content/effects-family-culture-family-foundations

What roles do you play in your family?

2020-10-01T10:28:00.001-07:00

In every family system, individuals as well as groups play a special role. These roles may consist of comforter, leader, supporter, mediator, or distractor. What roles do you play in your own family? I would like to share some of my own personal experiences about this topic in hopes to help you get an idea of what role you may play in your family. I feel like my role is the peacemaker, friend, and comforter. If you were to ask anyone who knew me when I was little they would say that I was always the one reaching out to those in need. I never wanted to be apart of contention and I would do all I could to avoid it or help others figure out their problems. I feel as though the roles I play in my family are also gifts I have been given. They have been strengthened through experiences in my life. My dad played a big role in helping me to become a better friend. In my younger years I played on a club soccer team. My dad came to most of my games and practices and he began to notice that our keeper was left out a lot of the times and the other girls on the team were not nice to her. Being the great man and teacher he is, he encouraged me to go and talk to her. This was scary to me and I was not sure how she would react. However, I followed my dad’s council. I am not sure what impact this had on her life, but I know that these simple moments stuck with me. Fast forward to my high school years. I was always the one to reach out to the new freshman on the soccer team and give them someone to talk to. I loved to do this, and I gained so many friendships because of it. I am so grateful that my dad helped me start with the basics and that I can make more of an impact on people today. My role as being a friend was strengthened as my dad encouraged me to reach out to others and develop this gift. Trials in my life have been another thing that has impacted my roles in the family. I found myself feeling alone and not being able to care for myself in my early teen years. I had to let others be my source of care and love for a long time. I learned to trust in and turn to Christ. Because of the struggles I was going through I had to let others be the friends and peacemakers to me. Looking back roles in my family were changed, but as a family unit we were strengthened. My parents became more unified. For me, through these experiences I have gained more compassion and empathy for those who are struggling. I was able to develop this gift of mine in ways I would not have been able to without my life experiences. One example of this is when I had the opportunity to talk to a young woman whom I knew. I had received a feeling that I needed to go and talk with her. I knew she was going through some things in her life, but I had no idea about the details. When we got together, we were able to share our stories and trials with each other. She was able to see that she was not alone and that she was being watched over by her Heavenly Father. Through my own struggles I was able to bless her in a way that she needed. I felt inadequate that she was willing to share her struggles with me, but I also knew that I was being an instrument in God’s hands. Without the experiences and understanding I had learned over the years of my life, I would have not been able to communicate with her in the way I needed to. Throughout my 18 years of life, my role in my family has been altered but has been a stronghold for my family. Each and everyone of us has an important role and I have seen how and when they have come into play in circumstances big and small. I encourage you to find out what roles you play in your family unit or what roles you want to play in your future family. Take a look at talents and gifts you have and see how those can make a difference in your families lives.

What do you want your future family to look like?

2020-09-23T15:56:00.001-07:00

What do you want your future family to look like...do you want kids, how many kids, will you marry? These are questions that I have been able to ponder over the last week. I have learned that everyone has different views and have been taught different values on these subjects. I want to share with you what I believe and what I have come to know in hopes that it will bless your lives and that when you think about the future you can see things with more hope.

Family trends in the world are beginning to show that people view family in a different light than they have in the past. Divorce is becoming more common place, intercourse outside of marriage is increasing, and fewer kids are being born. These trends have come to pass because of many different reasons and events. Many people just follow after their families; they just accept what they have always seen. However, I have come to learn that as you expand your visions and come to know truths for yourself, you are far better off.

I grew up in a family setting with a mom, a dad, and four sisters. My dad is a math teacher and soccer coach. He has worked my whole life. My mom is a stay at home mom. As I have seen my dad work I have learned that working hard and getting done what needs to be done even if you don't want to is important. Through my mom I have been able to see the importance of always having someone available during anytime of the day. I have been able to learn countless other lessons from having a mom and dad actively involved in my life. I believe that this family scenario is what will bring the most success in family life.

However, I have also been able to see other family situations through my schooling, my dads job, and my work at a daycare. I have seen the trials that my friends have been through as they experienced their parents divorce, as they grew up with a single mom, and as they made decisions on their own about family life. I have a friend who grew up living with their parents, but who were not involved much in their life. They were forced to grow up and take care of themselves faster than needed. Their emotional, mental, physical, and other needs were provided by their extended family. I don't know how it feels or exactly what they have experienced, but I want to provide a different life for my kids. Through my work at a daycare I was able to learn about the profound needs that come from the home. We could only do so much to care for and help them develop the skills they would need for the future. I have been able to learn many more things from others which I am grateful for.

As I ponder and reflect on my family life and those of my friends, I have decided on what trends I will create in my own family in the future. "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities (The Family Proclamation to the World)." I want to make my home a safe place and a refugee for my kids and my husband. I want my future family to look like the one I was raised in; a mom, a dad, and multiple kids. I encourage you to think about these things and take them heart. Find out what you want your future family to look like and do all you can to make it possible.

Links:

The Family Proclamation to the World - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

All About Me

2020-09-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

I am an 18 year who just started her first semester of college. For me this consists of living on my own for the first time, taking college courses for the first time, living out of state, and learning how to balance other things on top of it all. This can sound very overwhelming sometimes, but I am grateful for the amazing family who set a foundation for me to succeed in life. I come from a family of 7. This includes my dad, my mom, and four sisters. We love to play card games, watch movies, go to the zoo, play outside, do crafts, eat dinner, and so much more together. My favorite place to be is at home with my family! I am excited for the journey I have to prepare myself to have a wonderful home and family of my own!