Tuco Benedicto Ramírez once said, “I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise”. Unfortunately, this does not have anything to do with BigFishMag. It just introduces an element of abstractness (or so we think). What BigFishMag has is: Funny Articles (so we think, again), Hilarious Webcomics (and again) and B-Grade movie reviews. What we do not have is a reason for readers to leave our website, ever; and that is the primary reason why you haven’t heard about us.

PS: This website is dedicated in the loving memory of our friend who had cancer in the ass. Although no portion of our income will go to any patient with cancer in the ass, it will make you think twice before ruthlessly clicking on the red X on top of your screen.

Big Fish Mag on the Internet

————-

Every smoker starts off life as a non-smoker. Unfortunately, the non-smokers fail to come to terms with this simple fact and treat their brethren with more contempt than there is for Israelis in Palestine. There has always been a war of sorts between the two (Both Israel-Palestine and Smoker-Nonsmoker). A non smoker hates a smoker because he smokes. A smoker hates a non smoker because the fucker just won’t let him smoke in peace!

With the media and everyone else (Catholic wives Club, Nudist transvestites against tobacco, Mrs. Sharma’s Kitty Party…etc.) on the side of the non smoker, the war was always one sided. The smoker never had a voice, or maybe he lost it to throat cancer. On behalf of the smoker, I bring you

‘THE MOST ANNOYING NON-SMOKER QUOTES’

‘Smoking kills’

Yes, ‘Smoking Kills’! The smoker understood it first up. The non smoker wasn’t too thrilled with this. He couldn’t possibly let the SOB get away so easy. So, he cooked up an evil little plan in his head. It constituted annoying the hell out of the smoker by prophesying his death, over and over and over again. A tactic borrowed from the humble realm of roadside astrologers.

I don’t think it’s very polite to tell someone ‘you’ll get cancer’ or ‘you’ll suffer and die’. Non smokers have stopped paying heed to their manners. Have you ever seen a smoker go up to a fat guy eating a burger and say ‘that burger is gonna give you a heart attack’, or just go to an old lady and tell her that she’s going to kick the bucket soon? Manners! Learn some ye non smokers!

‘Plain text isn’t enough. We need to send out a stronger message’

In comes the idea of pictorial warning signs on cigarettes. Who exactly are these pictorial signs meant to target?

1) If they are targeting the uneducated, then I’m sure he won’t know why the fuck is there an image of a lung on his bloody cigarette pack. As a matter of fact, he won’t even know that the image is of a lung. The uneducated aren’t too good with biology.

2) If they are targeting the educated, then guess what? They can already read. The last time pictures were used to explain something was kindergarten. Remember A for Apple with an image of an apple next to it. I think we have all passed that stage now. We know what a bloody apple looks like without a picture for reference. If people need images to understand something, we can safely say that we have moved down the evolutionary ladder by a rung or two.
If the entire idea of pictorial warning signs wasn’t ridiculous enough, the non smoker comes with this image:

‘Tobacco Kills’… check. ‘Tobacco Causes Cancer’… check. Scorpion…. WTF!!! Can someone tell me what the fuck is a scorpion doing there? How exactly is this scorpion supposed to get people to stop smoking? Quit smoking or I shall sting you?

It’s supposed to be a crab, you idiots. How did they skip from crab to scorpion? No fucking clue. I guess crab is too old school for these guys. Scorpion is the IN thing.

Some one even suggested having gory images on cigarette packs. How the hell do such people get into power? Fuck that. How exactly did this guy come to life? The sperm that created this person was probably competing with 1 million disabled sperm. If not, then Darwin lied about evolution. Today cigarette packs, tomorrow you’ll see images of mangled corpses at railway crossings to dither people. How about placing images of the victims of terrorist attacks at Taj, in all of its rooms, as a warning? Ridiculous?… yes. Stupid?… yes. Retarded?… fuck yeah!

‘Smokers are a threat to society’

A smoker can hardly run for more than 10 seconds. If that is a threat to you then you got some real fucked up medical condition!

If you are worried of second hand smoke, then let me tell you second hand smoke isn’t the reason for global warming.

‘Only stupid people smoke. So quit it’

Apparently, your IQ is quite influenced by smoking. Start smoking and it decreases. Quit it and it increases. Oh, the wonders of smoking!

If only stupid people smoke, then why do you want to save them? Let them die. In fact, go find stupid people and introduce them to cigarettes.

‘I don’t smoke because it’s not even a cool thing’

This means you would have smoked if it had been a cool thing. I hate this quote the most. It comes from the kind that has no identity of its own and does everything on the basis of it being cool or not.

If the anti-smoking non smoker still thinks that he belongs to the side which cares more about life, then I guess you don’t know who led the first anti-smoking campaign. Don’t know? I’ll tell you. The person is………. *drumroll*……… Adolf Hitler. The smoker side requests for two minutes of laughter.

The purpose of this article wasn’t to glorify smoking in any way. It was meant to make you see the other side of the coin which is obviously neglected. Hopefully now you’ll realize that those who smoke have made their choice. How about letting ‘em be?

————-

BigFishMag.com

Starting with:

Number 6 – Ajeya Jayaram

Number 5 – Mayank Dhyani

Number 4 – Sijo James

And Numbers 3, 2 and 1 are all by Krish Ashok

In fact he sent six (YES SIX) entries! I had to take out 3 of them otherwise my site’s server would have overheated from the awesomeness!

Click on them to view one at a time. Rest your eyes in between.

So there you have it! Again, sorry for the screw up and baaltis for all.

Late Announcement: There was this earlier Comic Competition which was judged by the readers, and the winner for that is Sahil Rizwan. He too, gets a balti. Everyone gets a balti. Baltis for all. BALTIS #FTW!

Got about 60 entries, and I’m including an excel file where you can read all the other ones. Some have bad language, but that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?

So here we go, the winning entries below:

Number 5 – Deepak aka Chuck

Well played Sir! Well played. One of the reasons I stopped Facebooking (don’t you hate ing terms like this?). For this analysis of what ails the modern Indian’s life you win a BALTI!

Number 4 – Gautam Rastogi

..and who can say this hasn’t happened to them? Damn news people, they’d break anything as news. A balti for your efforts!

Number 3 – A.T.

Fortunately now there are medical procedures that can help a man look more like a woman. Just look at Kareena Kapoor. You are the lucky winner of a cool Bindass Bag! OMG!!

Number 2 – Stephenstreets.com

This text here is mindless commentary on the above comic. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nunc egestas consectetur felis vel ultrices. This makes the reader feels I actually put some effort in this whole enterprise. The truth however, is that I’m getting free traffic and publicity off the efforts/wit of others. Just like the photo contests by popular magazines/newspapers where they give off something really cheap like a 4GB SD card and in return take all your photos and their copyright and other things. But now I’m just taking the limelight away from the top prize winner, which is below.

The Winner! – Sambit Mohanty

Savita Bhabhi wins again!

Do you agree with the winning entries? Do you think someone else should have won? Do you think anyone cares??? Why not put it in the comments below? I’ll try embedding the rest of the entries as an embedded excel sheet. If the fancy HTML doesn’t work, click on this link to visit Zoho’s site.

Edit: The fancy embedding freaks out IE. Screw it. Go here to read all entries.

Winners 1,2 and 3 get bags. 4 and 5 get baltis. I’ll be contacting you over email for your snail mail address.

Thank you all for participating. Sorting and judging the entries was hilarious. And I’m sure the other readers had as much fun.

Edit: I missed out some entries that were sent over email. Those are not in the excel file. So I’ve put up another post with them. This was totally my fault. You however, should check out those 8 comics over here: Bindass Comic Contest Results – Part 2

Here’s how it works. Below is the comic, the first and last dialogues are pre-filled. You provide the rest. The best entries get a bunch of marketing shit “cool gifts which will totally get you laid”. The prizes are sponsored by Bindass.com (@bindasstv on Twitter)

The deadline is 5th January, so plenty of time. You can send as many entries as you want.

Contest is over. Results will be announced soon

Results are out! Check out the winning entries here

The Prizes! Oh The Glorious Prizes!

Sharing is caring! Use the Share buttons below to post it to twitter, facebook, orkut to all your frands.

The First Comic Contest (Results)

The Second Comic Contest (Results) (Winner Mugshots)

Share and Enjoy:

]]> http://blog.flyyoufools.com/2009/12/bindass-comic-contest/feed/ 0 http://blog.flyyoufools.com/2009/12/toe-nail-guy/ http://blog.flyyoufools.com/2009/12/toe-nail-guy/#comments Sun, 27 Dec 2009 12:03:09 +0000 saadakhtar http://blog.flyyoufools.com/?p=357

The Toe Nail guy was the most popular character on Fly, You Fools! There are two of them, and they were there from the first comic. They were certified Class A Ranters, and whined about everything from the music they play in Barista to strange Indian blog titles and the lack of Mogambo’s terrorist vision among other things. Even the great Jhunjhunwala on Twitter has a soft spot for the T.N.G.

The expression on the guy’s face and the sheer absurdity of the situation made him an ideal character. And he was well loved by readers. In fact, I’d say he’s the reason I started this webcomic.

How Fly, You Fools! started

Here’s what happened: I had a blog (like everyone else) and every 2-3 months I’d post a whine (like everyone else). Which didn’t matter much because no one read the blog anyway (like everyone else’s). So when Google bought Youtube (back in the dark ages of Web 2.0) I put up a blog post, and just to make it more interesting I used an old photo of mine of two guys talking about Youtube. It was absurd. Also was funny.

So that blog died eventually and I experimented with a few “caption on photo” things. On the Delhi-Agra highway, there are many dhabas which have some dude dressed as a clown, standing on the road to attract customers. It’s a scary WTF sight. I had a photo of such a clown, and tried putting some text/effects on the photo and make it into a 3 panel thing. It was bad, but I laughed for about 10 minutes on it. And a webcomic which used photos was born:

That particular Agra trip must have been a particularly auspicious one, because inside that same dhaba I shot another photo of a man who had just finished his lunch and was in a contemplative mood. He later became the Great Thinker who contemplates on Vegetarianism, Nudism and other things. He hasn’t appeared in FYF comics lately, but the comments discussion he started on Vegetarianism is epic.

So finally on reaching Agra, I was buying the entry ticket at Sikandra and just as I turned around, there they sat on the curb, talking, while the man in the checkered shirt was pulling out his toe nail. It was a truly WTF moment, and I just aimed and shot.

History Was Made!

The Death of The Toe Nail Guy

Why is the photo in Black and White, you might ask? Well here’s the story. After I got back from Agra I dumped all my photos in Picasa for editing, retouching, aligning etc. I converted a few photos to Black and White because the color was wrong/not great etc. Which is OK since Picasa doesn’t alter the original high resolution photos. Except this time something went wrong. During a backup I didn’t copy the original photos. Then the hard disk died and the only copy I had left was the 1024 pixel wide photo I put on Flickr.

This just wasn’t enough to go on. I make the comics at 300 dpi in the vain hope that one day they might be published as a book. And the magazines that print FYF need them to be high resolution. Also, the bigger the photo, the more chance you have of zooming in and out of the frame (to make one photo appear to be different photos).

The Toe Nail Guy had to go. The problem was, who would replace them. They were a great team and whining came naturally to them. But I couldn’t use them anymore. So I killed them in this comic. There was much mourning and public outrage over his death.

Months went by. No Toe Nail guy comics. People wanted the dudes back. Then one day I was taking photos in the Delhi Red Fort, and two ASI caretakers were hounding tourists to step the fuck away from the Diwan-i-Khas. A place where these two were quite happily lounging away themselves. And something about them looked familiar.

Maybe it was the leg scratching action… Maybe the nasal exploring… But I knew I had found the replacement for the Toe Nail Guy! I shot away from different angles, and the replacement comic practically made itself on the spot.

There was a little resistance to change. But things have settled down now. The new guys are high resolution and from multiple angles. And the sets are the best money could buy in Shahjahan’s time.

So that is the story of The Toe Nail Guy and his contribution to Fly, You Fools! Maybe one day we’ll meet again and I can shoot 20 megapixel photos of him in glorious color and then a new comic will herald The Return of The Toe Nail Guy!

Comics featuring The Real Toe Nail Guy:

1. Fast Food is Killing Us
2. Store Music Sucks
3. Food Terrorism
4. Indian Blog Titles
5. Useless Protests
6. Savita Bhabhi Destroys Society (The most visited comic ever)
7. More shameful self promotion (The last comic)

Got featured in The Hindu along with other comics like XKCD, PhD. The usual suspects.

Also had an interview with Webneetech, in one of their Blogger interviews. Check out the other blogs, you’ll find a few good ones. Read the interview. Perhaps I should get a new photo.

Brought in some good traffic, and new Chennai followers on Twitter. For one beautiful instant search traffic for “fly you fools” was more than the usual “Savita Bhabhi”.

Talking of Savita Bhabhi, a reader mailed in saying since she now has a new (unblocked) site, I should take out the obituary from the sidebar. The new site is http://www.kirtu.com [obviously NOT SAFE FOR WORK]

In other news, the Shashi Tharoor comic was a great hit! [Click here to read, if you haven't]. Got retweeted like crazy, and I was hoping he would mention it. But he didn’t. So I messaged him, asking for a retweet, and this is what he replied:

Here’s a piece of trivia. The comic was inspired by real events. It nearly happened to me…

Remember those Demons and bad guys in Ramayan/Mahabharat? Guess what they played with in their childhood.

If your child is a hyperactive stuff wrecker you can him this doll to scare him into submission. Or maybe he’s got constipation and needs an easy release..

The ad clearly shows children turning into that thing in the exorcist. So maybe there’s some added benefit…

The Most Annoying laugh ever

If your child grows up to become this guy, then you can sympathize with animals who eat their own young. Serious WTF there, how do his relatives live? I’m sure comedy serials or joke telling must be banned from his neighborhood

Die Laughing?

Girl can’t stop laughing at a game show. And host can’t decide if she’s happy, or dying of asphyxiation. But funny still…

Hyuk, hyuk hyuk…

Grandpa has the funniest laugh ever. Seriously, this guy is the opposite of the “2. Annoying Laughter Guy”. Next two videos are also related to gramps.

Alien girl laughing over Grandpa

This video is so cool, without the sound off!

Laughter Chain

A laughter chain of people laughing over other people laughing! Features Hyuking grandpa too. Check out the French woman in the end. Tennis players grunt more softly than this.

All the weird laughing messed you up? Here’s a video of a perfectly normal human baby laughing to clear your senses.

And now, for something completely different

The Funniest Joke Ever

————————-

New to this blog?

Then check out Fly, You Fools! - An Indian webcomic about life, and its irritations.

1- The Truth is Hidden

by Shantanu Adhicary
(Click for large size)

2 – First Rant

by Xacarob Pernicious
Click for full comic

3 – Second Rant

by Xacarob Pernicious
Click for full comic

4 – The Vigil Idiot

by Sahil Rizwan
Click to visit Toondoo page

Vote Up!

Cast your vote! If your comic is listed above, then vote repeatedly on your entry. Voting goes on for one week, so you can spam all your mailing lists inviting people to come and vote up your comic.

Here’s the deal: You send in your entry. I shortlist a few and all the readers vote on the best one.

Rules

1. It can be a photo with text, sketch with stick figures, really fine drawing, flash movie, video, anything.
2. Maximum width: 500 pixels
3. No language restrictions. But bad language is usually appreciated here.

Tools

If you’re not into the whole Photoshop/GIMP thing you can use Toondoo (or some other site). Another site Lunapic lets you add 90ish effects to images. If you want something really interesting try Xtranormal, which lets you make movies using 3D characters and text-to-speech. (The site is a little slow though).

Basically, use anything do anything.

Topic

There are no topics. If it’s funny, it’s fine. Not funny, still fine.

Deadlines and Prizes

Let’s say 13th August? That’s one week. 21st August?

Prize: Let me think on this. Previously the prizes have been prints of the comic along with fancy chocolates. See nothing wrong with this. Might change. Let’s see.

How to send?

Mail your comic image or HTML code to contact [at] flyyoufools [dot com]

Don’t forget to spam everyone in facebook share this with your close friends. You can use the share buttons below. Remember: It’s not spam if it’s between friends.

Got featured in Hindustan Times along with XKCD and Jesus and Mo. The article says the owner of XKCD and some other comics is able to make a living through the webcomic. It stays silent on the revenue of Fly You Fools. A good move there…

Additional hilarity: Go to HT’s link for this article here: http://bit.ly/NAWjr and click on “story in audio” link on top right. Hours of fun.