Flea Snobbery

The chest

2012-02-10T01:00:00.002-03:00

"Those who accuse me of wanting to open the chest are fear mongers who are against the people!"

Some time later...

"Those who oppose my opening of the chest are reactionaries who are against the people!"

Crusade

2012-02-07T01:00:00.001-03:00

"You are done, infidel! Your days of mocking God and the Church are over! Get ready to face the Lord's terrible justice!"

"No, brother Athanasius! Don't do it!"

"What? What's the matter, brother Irenaeus?"

"One more and we'll have killed as many people as that atheist Stalin!"

"Good Heaven! I was about to commit an atrocity!"

Political solution

2012-02-03T01:00:00.001-03:00

"It's no use, Mr. secretary! We keep throwing more and more wood at it as you told us to, but the fire only grows bigger!"

"The situation is more serious than I thought! I am ordering the acquisition of an extra one thousand tons of wood to fight this atrocious fire!"

Sexist

2012-01-31T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Intellectual activities are for men! Women are too emotional!"

"Booo!"

"Get out!"

"Geez! They get tougher every day."

"Leave them to me."

"Men are so cerebral, so cold... We women, on the other hand, are much closer to the heart's warmth!"

"Bravo!"

"Preach on!"

Copyright

2012-01-27T01:00:00.001-03:00

"In today's edition we will discuss the anarchy of the net, where intellectual property rights are not respected and there exists a culture of appropriating other people's works."

"But first, after this commercial break... The funniest videos found on the Internet!"

Horoscope

2012-01-24T01:00:00.001-03:00

"So my arguments for astrology won't convince you, eh? Well, of course! That is...

"... because you think you know better than other people, like every Aries."

"... because you're stubborn, like every Taurus."

"... because, being a Gemini, you don't have the patience to properly consider what I'm telling you."

"... because, like every Cancer, you don't like to be contradicted."

"... because you are dogmatic, like every Leo."

"... because, like every Virgo, it's hard for you to reach a conclusion, even when you have all the data."

"... because, being a Libra, you can't bring yourself to accept new things easily."

"... because you're arrogant, like every Scorpio."

"... because, being a Sagittarius, you are shallow and can't see the profound implications of issues."

"... because, being a Capricorn, you prefer traditional beliefs."

"... because you like to contradict other people, like every Aquarius."

"... because you don't assume reality, like every Pisces."

"See? Your attitude matches your sign perfectly!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-13T01:00:00.002-03:00

Flea Snobbery will be closed for the Holiday season. Updates will resume in Juanuary of the Year of the End of the World.

Inventor

2011-12-09T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Look at what I made! Now I'll buy it from myself and then sell it to myself again for a higher price. If I do it enough times, I'll be rich!"

"Look at what I made! It's a perpetual motion machine!"

Definitions

2011-12-06T01:00:00.002-03:00

"You are offending me gratuitously, sir. For starters, being a Jew is not a race. Therefore, your charges of racism are unfounded. Furthermore, Arabs are Semites and I have nothing against them. So I can't be an anti-Semite as you have called me, either."

"Well... when you put it that way..."

"Are you done with your political correctness? Can I return to what I was doing?"

"Oh, sure! Please excuse my ignorance."

The evil one

2011-12-02T01:00:00.002-03:00

"The prisoner keeps denying the charges of witchcraft."

"Clearly she's resisting the interrogation with help from the devil."

"'This study finds that homeopathy has no effect beyond placebo.'"

"Clearly big farma threw a lot of money at this."

Hero

2011-11-29T01:00:00.001-03:00

"We are gathered here today to pay homage to Walter Maccaroni in remembrance of his valorous actions. In a gesture of supreme altruism and self-sacrifice, Maccaroni chose to confront the ghost of the murdered girl rather than endanger the lives of ten of his contacts."

Arm

2011-11-25T01:00:00.001-03:00

MANIPULATOR ARM

"No! No! I'll be fine. There's no need for you to get premium lubricant oil. My actuators are in perfect working ord— Ouch! No, it was nothing. Don't worry..."

Litter

2011-11-22T01:00:00.002-03:00

Overtime

2011-11-18T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Good night, Gutiérrez. And don't feel down because you have to work late! it will help you climb the corporate ladder. I'm sure you have ambitions, don't you?"

"Of course! My biggest ambition is to have a life outside work."

Final exam

2011-11-15T01:00:00.001-03:00

"This test decides whether you get your degree. You have come prepared, I expect."

"Of course!"

"For a long time I looked for someone who could pass the final exam of the alternative medicine career. No one gave me hope. But, when I was about to give up, along came Felix! I was amazed by his knowledge of the topic. He's just what I was trying to find!"

"You have passed!"

Prejudiced

2011-11-11T01:00:00.002-03:00

"Prejudice? Our moral superiority is a matter of public record! No one who wasn't black, jew of homosexual has ever tried to have me jailed for assault!"

Sacrilegious art

2011-11-08T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Yes, I realize I have offended Catholics with my painting Our Lady of the Winds. I apologize and vow to mend my ways. Consequently, I will make amends for this serious trespass in the way the Holy Church has taught me to. I'll take this to another diocese and put it on display there."

"Hey!"

Veil

2011-11-04T01:00:00.000-03:00

Hamster Attack!

2011-11-01T01:00:00.002-03:00

Do you own a hamster? They're cute, aren't they? What pet shop attendants won't tell you, however, is that no scientific study has shown that your hamster will never become...

A HALF-TON MONSTER THIRSTY FOR THE BLOOD OF YOUR CHILDREN

"Oh my God... I had never thought of that!"

Don't feel bad! With so many threats, it's hard to keep up! Luckily, this one can be easily averted!

Introducing

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"My family is safe and so I am! I'm a good parent now thanks to Qlospin5000."

Personhood

2011-10-28T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Don't confuse the issue with technicalities! These embryos are over eighteen and you have no right to prevent them from voting!"

Study

2011-10-25T01:00:00.001-03:00

"The results of the study we funded are back."

"Wonderful! There will finally be an independent assessment of the evidence and the swindle of global warming will be debunked at last."

"Actually, our study shows a steady increase in surface temperatures during the twentieth century, at a rate accelerating in the last few decades."

"Why should we take this study at face value? It was funded by a group with vested political and economic interests in the issue!"

Candidate

2011-10-21T01:00:00.001-03:00

"No more oppressive wire fences! If you vote for me, I will eliminate this hindrance to the freedom of movement of all chickens!"

Newton

2011-10-18T01:00:00.001-03:00

"You see, Lord Cobblestone... All the bodies are attracted to each other by a force directly proportional to their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. This attraction is also true for heavenly bodies. If not for it, the moon would fly off away from Earth on a straight line. So we have... Er...

"This one."

"Yay!"

Rigorous

2011-10-14T01:00:00.001-03:00

"And remember, students, that ufology is bound by the highest standard of scientific proof. Unless you have solid, incontrovertible evidence, you must NEVER put forward the idea that a UFO is anything else than an alien spaceship. Understood?"

"YES, TEACHER!"

Free will

2011-10-11T01:00:00.001-03:00

"Of course you can't predict what someone will say or do! Human behavior is not deterministic! We are creatures endowed with free will!"

"Well?"

"He replied exactly as you said he would."

"See?"