A recent study highlights the fact that today’s parents have forgotten that sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind! One in four parents refuse to discipline their children because they are worried they might upset them.

This survey led This Morning to do a phone-in for parents who wanted advice on disciplining their children.

What followed was controversial, to say the least. Denise, the agony aunt gave some solid advice and the child was at the centre of her responses, which is a pleasure to see. While her advice was maybe not as practical as it could be, I admired her for going against the grain.

However, the onslaught she received on the This Morning Facebook page made me very angry, to say the least.

With comments like,

“Personally I think they should have got Super Nanny in to give advice, I thought Denise’s advice was nambypamby and far too soft”.

“Could not agree more Carly…..to tell a caller that her daughter had suffered enough after trashing her mums house was ridiculous. Is it any wonder kids are out of control when there are no consequences for their actions? Bring on Super Nanny!

“Bring back the cane…. teach them to respect the fact that they could be caned – it’s a deterrent more than anything – I think they should bring back birching too; don’t look so big in front of their mates then, do they?”

“No offence to Denise, but it’s people like her that have made the UK the way it is!! I think they need a new agony aunt on This Morning”.

“I know if I’d come home to find my daughter had trashed my house, I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions! Lets just say that if she was my daughter, she wouldn’t see sunshine for a while! My parents never left me alone because of that, but to tell the mum that she had punished the daughter enough was utterly ridiculous. I sat with my mouth hanging open, incredulous at what she was saying. I’m sure that, whilst the house was being trashed, the daughter couldn’t give a monkeys. They have no idea of the value of money, what it takes to accumulate household items. The mum sounded distraught, but the advice was, never mind, put your arm round her and tell her its OK. What does that say to the daughter? Never mind, its not my fault, it was my mates, I’ll just blame them and get off scot free!”

Anyway I could go on and on, but I won’t. For me, these comments are what is wrong with the country and believe me, Supernanny cannot solve them. What is it with this country that we think when our children make mistakes they need to be punished? What is it about the Generation X parents that thinks our children should pay big time? Maybe it is because as a generation of youth, we were pretty ignored; maybe we are jealous because now we are living in a more child-centred society. To me, thinking that Supernanny and punishment is the answer to all our problems is totally ridiculous.

As parents, our job is to teach, guide and empower, surely not to punish, control and belittle? Or it it just me that has lost the plot?

These quotes say it all to me.

“If we don’t stand up for children, then we don’t stand for much.” Marian Wright Edelman

“What we do to our children, they will do to society.” Pliny the Elder

If we believe, as a society, that our children need caning for making a mistake, then what are we teaching them?

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should be our children’s friends, I don’t think that we shouldn’t teach them about responsible behaviour and I think that there should be consequences, however I do feel that every person, child or not, has the right to be treated as a human. I believe that every child and every situation is different and I don’t believe that the Naughty Step will do you any good when your child turns around and tells you where to go. I think that firm, fair and consistent parenting is the key. Remember, you are dealing with a human!

We need to build strong relationships with our children if we are to have any influence on them, not alienate or blame them for everything that happens.

There is a difference between punishment and discipline.

Discipline is about being committed, being in control and training to improve behaviour. When it comes to parenting, it means a disciplined approach that allows parents to stay in control and improve their teens behaviour. Discipline does not mean punishing….

Punishing is

Do you talk to your children about alcohol? Do you know where to start?

A Department for Children, Families and Schools study suggests children from heavy-drinking households are more likely to use alcohol themselves.

It also found that eight out of 10 parents had no pre-planned strategies to tackle irresponsible drinking by their children.

While the majority of parents said they were fully aware of their child’s drinking habits, one in 10 said they were unaware if their child had drunk alcohol.

The research is being published as part of a campaign to tackle under-age drinking.

Schools Minister Vernon Coaker said: “Today’s research shows that parents underestimate their influence over their child’s drinking and attitudes to alcohol, yet a quarter of young people have never spoken to their parents about the issue.

“That’s why through the Why Let Drink Decide? campaign we are giving parents and young people the confidence to have open conversations about alcohol, to ultimately delay the age at which young people start drinking.”

We say talk to your children now and if you need some help of where to start check out our Teen Conversation Cards

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Hold onto your hats parents, brace yourself, because amongst everything else you have to worry about we now learn that teaching our children life skills early is a bad thing!

A BBC news article got my attention this week and I don’t think I have read anything so pointless for a long time. After reading the headline I was intrigued, not because children aged 11 were taking driving lessons but someone was fearful about it!

Now let’s get this straight, we are not talking about children whizzing round the roads where you live, reinacting their latest video driving game in real life. They are simply having the opportunity to learn driving skills on private land before the age where they are allowed on public roads.

OK, so let’s not panic too much, kids who live on farms and large private estates have been having this opportunity for decades.

But there must be some evidence that this bad thing, surely! Well, this fear generating article points to a Swedish study that er, actually shows that allowing young people to practise at an earlier age has reduced accidents by 40%.

Alright then, what are the experts are saying – Kim Stanton, from Young Driver, said: “We are teaching youngsters the vital skills they are going to need in later life to drive.

“We believe these skills will stay with them, and learning at this age, when they are very keen to absorb and retain a lot of what we teach them, will definitely make them safer drivers.”

But Insp Alan Jones, from the Police Federation of England and Wales says it doesn’t replicate the real world and spontaneous incidents and Rospa thinks it will make young people too confident and more likely to crash.

Does Alan Jones really think that someone who had a couple of lessons at the age of 15 will jump into a car at the age of 17 and pass their test immediately. Is he calling into question the driving standard agency, does he think driving examiners would not be able to spot someone who has no experience of negotiating traffic and responding to spontaneous incidents! And if Rospa seriously want to reduce the casualties amongst young drivers perhaps they should be checking out the Swedish research.

I am really cross with the BBC for scare mongering. Parents do have stuff to worry about – what about the fact that solvent abuse kills more under 16’s than all illegal drugs put together or what about that 80% of young people lose their virginity whilst under the influence of alcohol. This is the scary stuff we need to be addressing!

Come on, get a grip, we do have things to worry about in society but children confidently learning skills that are going to help them in life isn’t one of them.

A significant minority of children leave primary school without having their communication difficulties picked up and addressed, a charity claims.

Communication charity Ican said research suggested the problem was most severe in areas of social deprivation.

The claim comes as a survey suggests 50% of parents believe their children cannot communicate effectively.

The poll of 2,000 parents of children under 11 also found 54% felt they did not have enough time to talk to their children.

And one in four of these say they believe this impacted on communication with their child on a daily basis.

The survey suggests the most popular activity shared between parent and child was watching television, but only one in 10 felt this was a time when they communicated well with their child.

May be time to buy yourself a pack of our Family Communication cards