So, I have two different eye drops to give her and an oral pill medication. Yes, because giving her drops in the eye isn’t challenging enough now I gotta throw a pill down her throat and pray I don’t get bit. Niiiice. I mean, it is the highlight of my day yanno.. -eye roll- I just want her and Romeo to get better. It’s really getting to me taking them to the vet all the time. SOMEONE FIX MY DAMN CATS!

As for school, I turned in the paper for my financial aid requesting one more quarter. I’mma smack a bitch if they don’t accept it. I’m almost done and honestly all I want is to be finished and be employed once again. I’m thinking about contacting the local coroners office and seeing if they have any position open for transcribing and what the qualifications for such a position would be. S’right, you die and I could be the one who types up how it happens haha. My utlimate goal is to work from home, but transcribing autopsies is seriously DOPE.

I had to buy two reference books and in the process found myself at the mall, in line buying new make up. I’m weak, I know. What can I say, I’m a sucker for shiny pretty things (but everyone already knows that ) When I was doing my make up for Halloween, I went searching on Youtube for some tutorials and I stumbed upon some killer eyeshadow ones, some of the best being from Jennisse Makeup. Not only is she gorgeous, but I also really like how she does her eyes, and her tutorials are uber easy to follow. Of course I don’t operate with her uh, line of products (sometimes she uses MAC, which is great but too expensive for my budget). She does, however, use Hot Topic stuff occasionally so it all works out. Visit her. See what I’m talking about. I like her looks, so yeah. Here’s a picture of the stuff I purchased.

Oh, and to the bitch who wants to call me out on my purchases of make up — S’all good, I just buy it to enhance the natural beauty you could only dream of possessing. Mow that off your crusty, “greener” grass.

But, enough of that BS. How about some from the home front? We all, ahem, know I’m a tattoo freak, and I’ve been wanting a particular one for a while but didn’t really know how to go about putting it together or even what it was really supposed to look like. Pretty much, I want the 7 deadly sins listed (because, yes, I commit them heh) on my left calf or upper thigh. I think I’ve found what I want, but I’m going to adjust some things on it. Whatcha think?

‘Course the sparrows aren’t going to be those colours or holding the scroll the way they are now. I’m going to use a different font and possibly colour for the wording. Personally, I think it kicks total ass. The word Gluttony is misaligned (something my eyes would never stop noticing if I got it like that), and I don’t think I want them in that order. The check marks also need to be larger and bolded. Digressing on the design because I’ll end up drawing a draft before I get it done, I was told by Christopher that I am NOT allowed to get it. O.O I’m sorry, did I go into a time-warp and some parallel universe where he’s my father?!

One of my biggest pet peeves is.. being told what to do or that I can’t do something. I’m sorry, no one owns me or tells me how to live my life. If I want to pierce every inch of my body, live in the mountains, and start a militia I will. Okay, a little dramatic, but you get my point. I’m 23 years old, and I’ll be damned if I’m forced to revert back to the child who was constantly tortured and pushed around by her step sister. With that being said, whenever I get the extra dough and the picture drawn up, I will get it done. Cage the Bear, I triple dog dare you.

I’m tired of rumors starting, I’m sick of being followed // I’m tired of people lying, saying what they want about me // Why can’t they back up off me? // Why can’t they let me live? // I’m gonna do it MY WAY // Take this for just what it is

On a different note, I’m ready for school to be over. I’m so.. utterly disgusted with how the financial aid and counselor’s offices are run. It’s like, they have their head up their ass and don’t understand how to resurface it. I was told fall quarter was my last one, and I was signed up (after the 5th time they changed my schedule) for my last transcription class and internship. Yeah, I emailed my teacher whom is also my program advisor with my work, and she wrote me back saying I couldn’t take the current class and the internship at the same time; I have to finish the class first. Yes — I wanted to pull out my hair, amongst other things. I emailed her back, explained what the counselor said, gave her his name, and then had to go pick a different class so my tuition would be covered. Seriously, can things get any more retarded with these people? How hard is it to do your job? FUCK, give it to me.

I have no patience for individuals that can’t peform simple tasks, especially if they’re employed. Who hires these people, and further more, who hired the supervisors? They have these little signs all over the campus buildings that say something to the effect of “No profanity … blah blah blah .. or to the Dean’s office you shall go.” Sometimes I think they made that sign for me, hah. Whatever; obviously, it’s not just me who has a problem with these bafoons. So, tomorrow I get to go to the counselor’s office again and have them sign a paper saying I need financial aid for one more quarter because I’m not finished yet. I’mma literally freak out if I get denied. I need one class, and I’m not entirely sure how many credits the internship is, but as long as it’s over 6 I think I’ll be kosher. S’right, or heads will roll.

I think I’m almost ready to start working on the portfolio and hosting portions of the site. I’m friggan ECSTATIC about being able to offer hosting, you don’t even know haha. I’ll need to call upon my uh, “assistant” to help me with a few more things before I can fully offer anything, but since their skills are phenomenal I know it won’t be hard (hehe, hard).

Time for a smoke then bed. I’mma need sleep for tomorrow, hah.

You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // Like cracks in the glass and faded photographs
You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // Let them condemn // Imperfections will keep you unique

It’s the same doubt, the same dream // It’s the same sabotage ’cause I’m the enemy
It’s the same night, same day // It’s the same parasite, feeding on the betrayed

You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // Like cracks in the glass and faded photographs
You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // A work in progress // Perfection is killing me
A disguise of self-deception hides my secrets perfectly // I’m rejecting my reflection ’cause I hate the way it judges me

You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // Like cracks in the glass // And flame full of grass
You’re perfectly flawed // You’re perfectly incomplete // A work in progress // Perfection is killing me

– Can’t say it any better myself, thanks OTEP.

Speaking of the site, NEW LAYOUT! Holla. I got friggan irritated with my old host, and thanks to some uber assistance from a fantastic person, I merged over to my new host. Not only am I paying less with a lot more features such as Cpanel, I can now host. HAHAHAH. I’m still working everything out, so I’m not ready to offering hosting spots, but the idea is nice, no? As for the layout, since I’m completely obsessed with Texas Hold’em on FB, I decided to search for some images of hot girls playing poker and BAM, look what I find. I know the sidebar is crazy and not what you’d usually expect, but then when do I ever follow norms and rules? Never, s’when. As you can see, there are still a few bugs I obviously need to uh, kill, and minor things I need to update, so the site is far from fully functional I guess is what I’m beating around the bush about.

Hmmm. What else is there? OH, s’right, SARAH GOT A NEW CAR. The Jetta was just too smokey and truth be told, I’m tired of the cops pulling me over and telling me my exhaust can get me in trouble. Yes, thank you, I am aware of that. We took a loan out at our bank for my tuition and just to see if we could, we applied for a car one and BAM, got it! The car is wonderful. I have a soft spot for Saturns and had to have another one. I found it through a private party, a really nice gal who wanted to get a new SVU so she was trying to get rid of the Saturn. I think it’s absolutely gorgeous and matches me entirely. Bright yellow, Saturn SC2 coupe with third suicide door. HOT. Well, you tell me what you think, heh. Pictures are posted in the gallery.

Another new edition is our new kitty, Romeo. I had been putting off getting LuLu a friend, so when C texted me from work one day and told me this chick he worked with had kittahs, I was pretty much all over it. We went over that night and were gunna snatch one right there, but yeah, they weren’t having it and ran under the porch. We went back that Sunday and, although they were all so cute, Romeo was the one. He totally cuddled up to me and yeah, didn’t like the car ride home, but was okay once we got home. He’s so adorable. When we picked him out mthere were two other ones that liked exactly like him, almost as if they were triplets. As soon as the vet saw him, she told us that he is half Siamese and that yes, he was one of the triplets because that’s how they come or something. The other thing is I guess Siamese have eye issues cause of their heritage. Oh well, I couldn’t love him more.

Other than that, I’m still in school. I thought I would be done this quarter but apparently I have one more for my internship. It’s going alright, as much as school can I suppose.

And, marriage life? ….

Time to return comments! And, here’s how I feel, hahaha.

Don’t miss me TOO much. I promise to return all comments once I come home. I do have to pick up Lucy from the father in law’s afterwards because he’s watching her for us. I know she’s pissed we left her!

OH! I also ended up getting a loan to get a new car !!! That’s right, you read correctly. I ended up getting a bright ass yellow 2001 Saturn SC2 coupe with the third suicide door. omg It’s hot. I’ll post pictures later.. when I get back from my trip.. when I post those pictures from the trip.. Yeah.

Pray for me. I’m terrified of airplanes.

So, what’s with the title? Yeah.. get ready for this. Don’t let it decieve you; there isn’t a new program involving dumpsters, but I did get to experience the "exhilirating" activity last Friday. Why? Because I’m a complete idiot. Pretty much, my mom uses Netflix to rent movies and she’s been letting me rent True Blood (WATCH IT. BETTER THAN TWILIGHT.), so I was in the process of mailing it when the adventure began. I went to get our mail and there wasn’t anything really but those stupid ads for Pizza Hut and some other places, so I started going through them and threw them in our apartment’s dumpster. Now, I guess I should paint a little picture here — we’re in a heat wave so it was easily 90+ degrees, and the dumpster is a HUGE metal object that likes to absorb the sun’s rays. The trash company had picked up our garbage the day before, on Thursday, so there wasn’t much in there at the time, and the lid on the side with the garbage was open, whilst the other side was closed (and it’s too big and heavy to like fling back).

Anyway, once I was done going through all that junk, I started walking to my car. When I got in I was like, “Uhhhhh. Where the FUCK is the video?” and then it dawned on it — I THREW IT IN THE DUMPSTER! Mmmmmhmm. Guess what that means? Sarah gets to go dumpster diving. I had no choice. My mom would have shanked me if I lost that movie because it’s not hers, it’s Netflix. Plus, she would never let me borrow another one again. So yes, I went into the dumpster. It’s pretty high up, so it’s not like I could just jump into it. haha I found a bucket full of something and dragged it over in front of the dumpster and stepped up and leaned over, to assess my situation. OHMIEFFNGGOD. Even though there wasn’t much garbage, it’s still trash and I was still going to be in it, rummaging around. I could see all the crap I threw away, but no Netflix DVD cover. At that point I knew it had to be done, but I didn’t quite know how to get in, much less get out. So, remembering gymnastics, I hoisted my ass up onto the lip of the HOT metal giant and sat there, looking over the edge. There wasn’t that much trash, just a bunch of white bags and beer bottles. Before I jumped in, aiming for the otherside where the lid was closed because there wasn’t garbage there, three cars went by and I can only imagine what they thought, seeing a white girl sitting on the edge of the dumpster. Once I got in, oh man, it rose like a million degrees and I could literally feel the sweat dripping down my neck, face, mouth.. and of course I couldn’t wipe it away because my hands were full of trash. Quickly, I started looking around and going through things, trying to only touch the outside of plastic bags and the papers that I threw away. I looked everywhere, moved trash that wasn’t mine, and still couldn’t find the damn movie. Frustrated, irritated, smelly, gross.. just a few of the adjectives to describe the way I felt at that time. Giving up because I was never going to find it, I started looking for a way out of the friggan thing — Yeah, there are NO bars or rafters or anything else in there that you can stand on (Probably because normal people don’t go in dumpsters in the first place ).

I couldn’t really stand underneath the open side without standing on top of trash, so yeah, I stood on it with my sandles and tried to heave myself up. That didn’t work so well. There were two really.. I dunno, weird ridges on the inside so I kinda used them, whilst scratching my toe nails on the metal, to crawl my way up. Once up, I leaned on the ledge with my stomach and had to swing my leg up and over, which didn’t happen the first time since it had to get stuck on the side of the dumpster. I almost lost my balance and fell forward into the fence in front of me, but I caught myself, shimmed around and kinda just flopped onto the ground. I was so pissed off, exhausted, and sore when I got out that I decided to go upstairs and wash myself before trying to figure out what happened to the movie. I went back to my car, pulled up to the handicap parking space and LOW AND BEHOLD — there was the fucking movie lying in the space. I had apparently dropped it before I ever got to the dumpster.

Needless to say, I wanted to scream and break the disc. But, after going upstairs and cleaning up and mailing the movie, I started to laugh because I can’t believe I went in there for NOTHING. I can now say I’ve been in a dumpster — and got out, alive. Can I proove it? Sure, because I have massive bruises from the entire ordeal. Look below to view them puppies.

I know, I’m a badass. Don’t fuck with me, ’cause I can escape dumpsters biiiiiotch. But, I’m still supppppper sore. These are pretty viscious, I know.

   

1. My pretty new purse purchased from Hastings, but manufactured by LoungeFly. I have a thing with skulls and this one looks all voodoo-ey, so I had to have it. Friggan thing cost $40 bucks. *whistles*
2. Hello Kitty water bottle. Something else to add to my mountain of HK bounty ’cause you know I need more. haha
3. Of course, getting a new purse means getting a new wallet. I should have waited a little bit because I found cuter ones, but I’m diggin’ the punky girl skull.
4. More skulls! Have to have a makeup pouch to go with the ensemble!
5. Front cover of my new journal. What shall I put in here, hmmm? For my eyes only, teehee.
6. The back cover of the journal duh You can’t see it but in the ribbon it says “where troubles melt like lemon drops.”

I’m a freak. I know. EDIT \\

It’s strange – when we are little all we can think about is growing up and all the cool adult things we will get to experience, so we rush our childhood and don’t appreciate it for its worth until it’s too late. Then what? Once we’re at that adult stage all we want to do is revert back to our childhood ways and safety nets. I know I want to. Being an adult has its perks, but honestly I would trade it for just a moment to be that little girl I once was.

I think I want to go back so bad because I feel I have lost that little girl, that spark that makes me me. I feel as if my identity has been stripped away and I’m forced to conform to what everyone else wants, especially Chris. I’m not allowed to buy what I want, I get yelled at for drinking soda, I can’t get anymore piercings or tattoos.. The list goes on. It’s not only the tyrannical aspect of the marriage that is rubbing me wrong or getting under my skin, it’s also the fact I’ve lost my best friend. We’re completely different around each other. It’s like we have nothing to say and when I try, I barely get a response. Aside from the fact I have a ring on my finger, I don’t feel married anymore. I feel.. neglected and abandoned.

Chris and I finally kinda talked last Friday when we were up at his dad’s. AWKWARD. The doctor put me on Prozac because I just wasn’t feeling the Cymbalta anymore, plus I didn’t wanna pay $50 a month anymore for them, so I kinda felt weird as my body was trying to adjust to the change and build it up in my system. I’m just so fed up with how things are over here that I know I can be bitchy especially with some of my responses. Whatever, Chris pissed me off and I told him straight up that I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m tired of screaming at a brick wall. I’m tired of him giving me half-assed answers. I’m tired of being both sexually and emotionally frustrated. I’m tired of him PMSing over every little thing. I’m tired of all his lame excuses for everything he does. I’m tired of being sad, of crying. I’m tired of walking on broken glass. Maybe.. I’m tired of him? He is the epitome of Katy Perry’s song Hot n Cold. Listen to it if you haven’t already and you’ll know what I go through on a daily fucking basis. Apparently not only am I bipolar, but so is my marriage.

Back to my story about last weekend. Obviously he didn’t like my answer of I don’t know what I want so that started a whole big thing. To make a long, drawn out story short, I asked him point blank why he wont fuck me and he basically told me it’s because he now thinks of me as Dawn (HIS EXGIRLFRIEND !!! WTF) Since I’m not working, and haven’t been for almost a year (DAMN! that’s long, heh), he thinks I’m not productive and all I do is sit on my ass all day long. Hold on, back the blame train up here. I don’t do anything all day? WHY IS THE HOUSE CLEAN? WHY ARE THE DISHES DONE? WHY IS THE LAUNDRY TAKEN CARE OF? WHY AM I ALWAYS WRIST DEEP IN KITTY LITTER? I felt like asking him where he gets his drugs so I could get some and live in his imaginary world. I couldn’t believe he said that, much less compared me to his ex. I wanted to strangle him. Still kinda do. I told him that wasn’t a good enough answer and that I wanted a better one. I need to learn to keep my big mouth shut and not ask questions I really don’t want the answer to, or won’t be able to handle because what he said next made me literally want to throw up. He told me that it’s because I always want to have more than one orgasm. I was speechless, and if you know me at all, that doesn’t happen very often and I also felt turned inside-out. I almost lost my temper. I wanted to slug him so bad, more than I’ve ever wanted to hit anyone in my life and I know what that’s like because I used to get smacked around. The last 3 years have done what, set us up for this? His whole statement is udder bullshit, because not only have we not had sex for the past 3 months now, when we did he barely tried to give me one orgasm, much less two.

I was so upset I ran from him, back into the house. I couldn’t be near him. I couldn’t look at him. Sometimes it’s hard now to even look at him because I keep hearing those words he said, the excuses he gave. I know some of it is my fault because of Daniel. How many times can I apologize for that? How many days of my life have to spent with that hanging over my head? I’m tired of caring about that, I’m tired of saying sorry for something that I’m not sorry for. I don’t need Daniel to come whisk me away because Chris is already misplacing me among the shelf. He says he cares and doesn’t want to be separated, but his actions are speaking louder than words.

To quote Phil Collins, “I can feel it coming in the air tonight..” and honeslty I don’t think I’m afraid anymore. I’ll take whatever comes at me with stride. I can only fight so much by myself and if at the end of the war I can’t see a clearing, I might just have to raise that white flag.

Oh, and I literally cried at the ending of this.

I’ll tell you exactly what happened and why I believe I failed it: i.e. the teacher got pissed off at me and graded on a curve or something. We had these stupid case studies we had to transcribe and then go over with our classmates outside of the class. We met 3 times, the last of which we went over case study #5 and #6. So, you would think that yes, our answers and papers would be somewhat the same especially since we went over it as a group duh After we met, this chick that’s in my class and that attended the get-together called me. I had put my cell number in the message board of our school’s site in case anyone needed help and she contacted me because she had some spelling questions on the sixth case study. So, being a NICE person without evil intentions, I emailed her a copy of my report. I didn’t see anything wrong with it considering we were told to help eachother out and to act as a group and assist if there was any problems. In the end, I got majorly screwed.

My teacher emailed both of us and pretty much insinuated that one of us had cheated. Apparently our papers were exactly the same, verbatum, word for word. Of course I instantly hit the fan when I read this and I emailed her back explaining what happened. When she finally got back to me, she told me I should have used better judgement but that she "believed" I wasn’t trying to get away with anything and not to do it next time. I wanted to strangle someone and I still do. I wrote her back and pretty much agreed, just trying to forget about the whole thing because honestly I didn’t do anything wrong. I told her I understood if I received a zero but in the end, she said I got the grade I deserved which turned out to be 70%. All of the other case studies I turned in were all in the 90s so I wanna know what the HELL she is talking about. Stupid fucking people. That’s the last time I go out of my way to help anyone with anything school related. I take my work seriously, especially since it’s for my future job.

Okay on to roofing. How was it? Actually, not too shabby. We aren’t done by any means and Chris’s sister and her family are coming back up Fourth of July weekend to help finish. I really didn’t like going up the ladder and you guys should have seen me acting like a little baby going down it. Once on top, my job was to scrap shingles and pull up this stupid paper that was underneath it. It had some kind of fabric wound in it and it wouldn’t rip unless you tugged on it super hard and left an imprint in your hand. The tar also sucked because it got everywhere and messed up the knees of my pants. So GAY. My pants kept coming down and exposing the lower part of my back and because the sun couldn’t go behind the colds like the forecast said it would I got a gnarly sun burn. You would think I would know better since I have dealt with my fair skin my whole life and would have applied sunscreen, but NO I can’t be bothered with petty things like that. It hurts when I sit, lay down, drive and even go to the bathroom. I would have to get burned in the worse possible spot. UGH.

I guess the question is did I learn anything? UTILIZE sunscreen because in the long run it’s going to be my best friend and don’t help people with their work, let them do it their lazy-ass self.