Ideals are a funny one.  They are the things we aspire towards.  They are the things that we want to spend our life aligned with and the things that hold us back from putting something out before it’s complete, and perfect.  Often, that desire for perfection, or our imagined ideal situation stops us from working with what we have right here, right now.

I can imagine that as you’re reading this right now, there’s something in your life that is far from ideal.  It could be your relationship with your spouse, or partner.  It could be your financial situation.  Perhaps your job?  Maybe even your children, or family?  Possibly you’re health, or level of fitness?  It could even just be the degree to which you enjoy each moment in life. Whatever it is, there’s usually some area of our lives that spring to mind as being far from ideal.

Oftentimes we use that lack in a particular area of our lives, as a reason not to do something, as a reason to hold back, as a reason to withdraw from participating fully, and even just getting out there and giving it a go.  We’re great at making up a hundred and one excuses for ourselves, to justify our lack of action.  Yet ironically, the less ideal a situation is, the more time, energy, and attention we have to put into it, in order to turn things around, and bring it closer to the ideal.

If for example our challenge is finance, and we consider ourselves to not have enough money right now, to be able to buy the perfect house, live the perfect lifestyle, or be where we want to be on our own financial ideal, instead of doing something about it, most people will curl up into a cave, and just try to drown out life outside of the necessities of work.  They may turn to alcohol or drugs to dullen their senses, and make them less aware of the lack.  They may turn to video games, or TV, to immerse themselves in a reality that’s far removed from their real world, and thus help them escape the current situation or dilemma.

For me life is all about tackling those imperfections head on.  It’s all about taking those ideals, using them as a guide to get you closer towards what it is that you’re after, but then just going for it anyways; all out.  It’s about knowing that there’s stuff that’s less than perfect, and figuring out ways to use what’s available to take the next step.

Our ideals inspire us, they make us want to accomplish something, or work towards something, but equally they can hinder us, and make us hesitate from taking that first step.  If we waited until we were the ideal weight, until we had the perfect amount of cash, until we had the best job in the world, we would never arrive at taking any action in life.  For me, ideals are a goal to aspire towards, but we should not have the attainment of that goal be something that prohibits or inhibits our ability to progress, and move forward in life.  For then the ideals become burdens.  They become milestones, instead of goals.  Just how often have you heard someone say, once I lose a bit of weight, I’ll start going to the gym?  Or once I have a bit more money, I’ll start saving?  Or once I start to exercise then I’ll start to eat healthy?

Unfortunately, as much as we might like to believe that none of those small steps matter, or that our ideals are practical and realistic, if there is something in your life that you don’t have, and that you want to have, and you’re not already working towards it, or taking some actions to get you there, then I’m gonna bet on the fact that an ideal of some sort is holding you back.  There will undoubtedly be some “if … then …” story that you have started to tell yourself, that prohibits you from properly going after your goals, or reaching that ideal that you aspire towards.

Often when we examine why we imagine we want something, or we hold some ideal situation, or scenario for ourselves, in our mind, and then see ourselves painfully removed from accomplishing it, there is some thought, or belief that we have that holds us back.  We end up no longer seeing the glass as half full, and start seeing it as half empty.  The world seems less full of hope, our dreams, less realistic, and we resign ourselves to the belief that it just wasn’t meant for us, or that we were just never meant to have a certain something?

That’s the cop out.  That’s the painless, easy way out.  That’s when we decide it’s not worth the effort, and we stop taking steps and actions that take us closer to accomplishing our ideal.  An ideal has not served it’s purpose until it’s made you completely aware of how far removed you might be from your desired destination, and only upon reaching it, will you find the peace and rest that comes with living within your ideals.

By all means, aspire to the grandest, most spectacular ideals that you can imagine for yourself.  But then straight after that, don’t forget to start taking steps to bring you closer to that ideal.  Ironically it isn’t the absence of the ideal that brings people into apathy, or powerlessness.  Usually it’s the grandness of their dreams, and visions.  Of what an ideal life might be like, and how much effort and time it might make.  But put all of those thoughts, and visions aside, and strive to reach towards that unescapable truth.  Learn to take the 1st step.  It’s almost always the hardest to take.

It’s the Islamic month of Ramdan, in the year 1430 AH (anno Hegirae /after Hijra).  A month when throughout the world Muslims abstain from eating during the daylight hours.  They wake up early in the morning, to consume some food prior to sunrise, and then wait until the sun sets in the evening to then break their fast, and consume food again.

During the daylight hours not only is food forbidden, but also is the consumption of water, drinking of any liquid beverage, inhalation of smoke, or consumption of any intoxicating substances.  Also forbidden during the hours of the fast are any sexual activities.  Muslims are also advised to pay attention to their thoughts and abstain from thinking any negative, wicked, cruel or illicit thoughts.

Whilst outwardly the Muslim abstains from food, water and any other nourishment, inwardly a Muslim is expected to refrain from any ill thinking and to monitor and control consciously their thoughts.  Even seeing a beautiful woman, and desiring her in an intimate manner, is, if I understand it correctly forbidden during the month of Ramadan.  Of course, there are varying degrees of interpretations of the practices of the fasting of Ramadan, but having been born and raised a Muslim, and as someone who chooses to practice the observance of Fasting, I’m sharing my personal understanding of fasting during the month of Ramadan, based on my own personal experiences and observations.

One of the reasons that I choose to observe Ramadan, apart from being a devout believer in the Oneness of the Almighty Creator, in the perfection of his revealed message, the Qur’an, and in the authenticity of his Messenger Muhammad (pbuh), is because I find Ramadan to be a month of renewal.  Abstinence allows me the opportunity to spend less time occupying myself with thoughts of food, and being consumed with activites relating to eating and drinking.  It’s interesting how when you know that you’ve deliberately chosen not to eat something, and follow through with that commitment, how after a few days your body adjusts to your new eating cycles, and starts to experience hunger at different times of the day.  After the first few days of Ramadan, my body automatically adjusts to my new eating behaviour and starts to get hungry at different times.  A change which happens so quickly each Ramadan, it always intrigues me.

Another reason that I observe Ramadan, is because I realised a while back that naturally when I’m immersed in an activity of some sort, and I’m in flow with my work, that I simply forget to be hungry.  Often, I’ve found myself so immersed in my work, that I forget to eat, or drink, simply because I’m so caught up in the work that I’m doing.  Knowing that that happens naturally, I realised a long time back that Ramadan is actually quite easy, as long as I keep myself occupied and gainfully busy throughout the day.  Something which doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing

Before I realised that Ramadan was approaching, funnily enough, a week or two before Ramdan started, I started to think about how abstaining from something is actually very liberating, and empowering.  I’m reminded of a scene from the Hollywood film 40 Days and 40 Nights, where the main character Matt (played by Josh Hartnett) chooses to abstain from all sexual activity for 40 Days, during Lent. During the movie there’s one scene where the women gang up on Matt, in a desperate attempt to have him break his 40 Day vow of abstinence.  In the scene the woman talks about how abstaining from sex has been a way that women have controlled men, and maintained their power over them, and how by Matt abstaining he’s taking back that power, and that for the sake of women, they had to stop him.  Fortunately they don’t and Matt continues the film with his Vow intact.

But it did get me thinking about how restraint is a common practice in many spiritual traditions, and practices.  From Monks and Nuns in the Christian Traditions, to Buddhist Monks, Hindu Swamis, and even Shamans undergoing spiritual journeys.  The practice of abstinence, or chastity as a way of preparation is often associated with a spiritual practice, or spiritual undertaking, whereby people prepare themselves free of distractions and clear headed, having not undertaken any acts of personal gratification, or sexual intercourse as part of their preparation.  This ability to restrain oneself, and abstain from an act of impulse or desire got me thinking.  What if we applied the same restraint in other areas of our life?

What if in the West, we have become so obsessed with trying to please ourselves in every moment, with every whim, that we’ve lost the ability to hold back? To restrain ourselves?  What if in trying to always find the pleasure in every moment, in trying to experience everything and fulfill our every whim, we have lost the ability to hold back when it might serve us best to do so?

Thinking about the current credit situation here in the UK, it occurs to me that credit and debt problems stem from an inability to hold back from spending money.  It comes from a desire to have something regardless of the current financial balance of our accounts. So we go and borrow on our credit cards, or take out a loan, and overstretch ourselves in a desperate attempt to keep up with appearances, even if we don’t truly have the means or capacity to take on that extra expense.  In contrast I’ve met people who choose not to spend money they don’t have, and when faced with an expensive purchase, they simply choose to wait, and set aside a portion of their income each month in an allocated kitty until they’ve saved enough money to make the purchase in cash.

Perhaps restraint isn’t always a bad thing.

Perhaps it is the wise individual who only spends money they actually have.  Indeed most businesses only exist by spending money that they have.  Perhaps our poor money management practices explains why somehwere between 70% – 80% of new businesses end up closing down within the first two years of business.  I wonder how much of the failure of those businesses is just down to poor financial planning, and an inability to work on a cash only basis, after being personally used to always stretching budgets or financial constraints using credit cards and personal loans?

It’s interesting how the management of money can change things so completely, from being completely empowering and liberating when you posess an excess of it, and how it can completely overwhelm and consume you when you perceive a ‘lack’ of it.

My personal experience of money is that when too much money starts to come in too quickly it can become too much to handle, and cause you to lose track of what you have and what you don’t.  You end up spending money not knowing exactly what you have, or what you have already spent.  Similarly too much food entering the human body too quickly, or just generally eating too much can also be overwhelming for the human body.  Current research suggests that reducing your calorific intake can actually increase your level of health, and potentially extend your lifespan.  Experiments on rats and monkeys have so far shown restrictive diets being responsible for increased lifespan, reduced incidences of illness and disease, and potentially better physical and mental responses to boot.

Perhaps the infatuation of always getting what you want straight away, of always pursuing your desires and whims, and of always believing that just because you think you want it, it’s the right thing to have is overrated.  A misguided myth, stemming from an overly self-centred society?

Perhaps there is a great inherent value in restraining oneself.  In holding back.  In allowing yourself to feel and experience desires/wants and needs and urges, and not consciously acting upon them.  Perhaps the hardest part is not in choosing what experiences to have first, but rather to hold off from indulging all the wants and needs that emerge.  From holding back from the impulses and desires of life that we are so used to listening to in every moment.

For me, during Ramadan, I’ll certainly be paying far more attention to how I consciously can extend the power of restraint to other areas of my life.  Hopefully, after Ramadan and the month of fasting is over, I’ll have strengthened my restraint muscles to be able to actively start holding myself back from saying things or doing things that previously I wouldn’t have hesitated to say or do before.  Perhaps by strengthening my ability to ‘not’ act on impulse, and to be able to restrain myself more consciously in each moment, I might create the space in my life, or at least my experience of life, to discover something more meaningful and fulfilling than another material desire of the physical body, or another urge or craving.

Perhaps we need to see our lives as a blank canvas, with restraint playing the role of the empty spaces that sometimes are so essential in a piece of art.  The white, and blank parts can sometimes add so much more meaning and context to a piece of art, that perhaps we should see restraint in the same light.  Perhaps we need to consider restraint as being a necessary tool in our arsenal of life, than when deployed allows us to create the spaciousness, and expansiveness in our daily lives, that we can appreciate those moments that we choose not to restrain ourselves that much more fully.

Perhaps restraint is even more powerful than action, when used wisely, and correctly.

I’ll let you be the judge of that for your own lives.

Ok, so it’s been a while coming, but I decided that it’s about time that I created a space online, that was my “home”.

I’ve been blogging occasionally at http://life.magitam.org.uk but that was always ever a “temporary” residence, whilst I re-grouped, and figured out what I was going to do.  Since then, a lot has changed in my life, my understanding of being online, and the importance and difference that your online persona makes has also shifted dramatically.

Since starting blogging, I’ve been on a journey, an evolution of sorts, and I’m getting to the point where I’d like to just bring all my thinking, ideas, and knowledge into one place.  I know it’s going to be a bit of a crazy home to begin with, but I figure that in time as I start to find my rhythm, and I start to find a way of expressing myself through this blog, I’ll be able to keep this voice, and identity independent and unique from some of the other places online that I blog, or post content to.

I think having just turned 30 may have something to do with my desire, or decision to “restart” and re-set my online identity, from now onwards.

I’m not attempting to be controversial, or difficult, or trying to stimulate discussions just for the sake of having them, but I feel like it’s about time I pulled out the stops, and let myself be, just me, through and through.  That includes the side of me that’s online all the time, experimenting, and exploring, on how to be on the web, how to organise information, and how to deal with the deluge of information that is the World Wide Web, and all the social media that can possibly come with it.

I’m also keen to start using this identity of mine to develop and grow my presence online, specifically in those areas that interest me the most.  That includes, technology, new and old, it also includes sci-fi, classical literature, spirituality, consciousness, wholistic living, social entrepreneurship, and dance.

Now if I can reflect some of all of those different tastes and interests in this blog, I imagine that it’s going to make for a most interesting read completely   Here’s to the beginning of an exciting adventure.  I invite you to join me for the ride.

Here’s to letting go of the old, and embracing the new, may this journey be the beginning of a wonderful new adventure, and be the opening of a brand new chapter in my life   Here’s wishing to the next 30 years being significantly more inspiring and adventurous than the last!!