From BarJor:

1. What's a song you like that everyone would be surprised about?

I don't know about a particular song, but people are alway surprised and revolted by my love of Cypress Hill.

2. Who's your hero (non sports related)?

I don't know about HERO, because that sounds like I have a Carlos' Mom vanity plate, but I would say that my son right now is one of the greatest people I have ever known...and his sister is another, though she can't do any pushups and perpetually steals my clothing.  I should buy a Cienna's Mom t-shirt.

3. Do you hit the snooze button on the alarm clock, how many times?

I don't know about alarm clock, but something goes off every morning about 6. Jai and Scout start hinting about breakfast by jumping on and off the bed and licking (or in Scout's case, presenting her grisely grinning visage close enough to my face that I can hear her amygdala ticking) and Pat stands at the side of the bed staring at me. There is no sleeping through that.  Do they have snooze buttons? I'll fish around tomorrow morning and see what I find....

4. Name ONE run (agility, herding, etc) from someone else that inspired you and why?

I don't know about INSPIRATION, though now I always wear a belt to the post....

There have been a few especially beautiful runs, but I think one of my all time favorites, that for a long time I couldn't recount without tearing up and feeling like a cheesehead, happened at Lacamas a few years ago with P*trick running Andi. She was very young and he hadn't run her in open for long.  He hadn't expected to get into the double lift finals with her and so hadn't really worked on a look back.  He ended up qualifying to run her.  It wasn't a winning run, by a long shot, but after her first outrun, lift and fetch...when he told her to LOOK BACK and she stood mid field, looking from him to the sheep she'd already gathered...to the Great Come By Beyond which he was seemingly telling her to revisit... she spent this period of time trying to figure out what he meant, what he wanted - - and he articulated it so smoothly, calmly encouraging her, telling her to look back.  Finally, that moment when she tentatively ran far enough out to see the second set of sheep...was really beautiful and for me profound. 

Another time someone lost their pants at the post and I think that's pretty fucking inspirational, too, though I wasn't there to see it.  The story lives on.

5. What's the last book you read?

I'm currently reading The Anthologist, by Nicholson Baker.  Previous to this I was reading The Finishing School by Dick Couch. 

From Willow's Rest:

What are some tips on living frugally?

Squirrels are edible!

Laura asks:

1. What is one lesson you've learned this week?

On Saturday I worked Jai at P*tricks.  The sheep we were working were so new that they still had that new ewe smell (Not really. I never got close enough, but they did not have that world weary attitude that says The Ram Got to Go To The Onions And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Post).

P*trick said these new fresh sheep would be especially prone to flight and that the draw would be very hard to the away side.  He suggested it would be best if we kept our dogs from overflanking and attempting to control the sheep with their physical pressure, which the sheep would continue to fight, and instead we should make them use their eye which the sheep would respect.  We should do this by keeping the dogs more at 10:30 - 11:00, instead of 9. 

I want to just pause here for a moment and say that this analogy will not continue to be relevant in the age of digital clocks.  But for now, seemingly, I understood. I certainly nodded.  

Then I sent Jai, who did a nice outrun, decent lift...then floated erratically between 9 and 2...as if she were a long government lunch.  I kept trying to decide where 10:30 was with a moving clock.  I wished we could use a kitchen timer instead that would make a sound on either side.

I tend to get hung up on technicalities like this.  I wasn't really watching my dog, and certainly not the livestock...I was just sort of sucked into that clock metaphor.

"You need to correct her every time she turns away from the sheep," P*trick told me. 

By concentrating on THE WRONG THING, once again, I was way off.  As soon as I started correcting her for turning away, which made her flank too wide, she was in the right place.  It was that easy.  Pretty much.

The thing I learned isn't new.  I'm sure I should have known that when she was turning away, she was out of contact and that was the moment that was more important than a rough clock reference, but I was focused on the WRONG THING, again.  I wanted it to be a technical solution. Again. A + B = C.  It was more fluid than that and also much easier. 

2. Who or what might you have been in another life? What might you be in a next life?

I was a clock. For sure.  Next life - back to being a clock.  I didn't learn shit the last time around.

3. What unusual things do you like the smell of but don't usually admit?

Really? Hmmmm....dog feet. I can't think of anything else.  I'd admit to almost anything.  Look at me all facing up to being a timepiece last time around when most people think they were Joan of Arc or Cleofuckingpatra.

4. What are your thoughts on continuing on vs. retiring when a trial run is going badly? How do you decide? Where do you draw the line?

I used to freak out with Pat and walk as soon as the he wouldn't take a LIEYOURBLACKASSDOWN!...but that was earlier on when my entire run, each and every run, filled me with panic and the need to pee.   Now I have relaxed some and will only walk if I or my dog can't learn something or get some positive experience out of staying on the field.  I don't know if I can REALLY say that I trust my judgement here...but I'm more likely to error on the side of staying than retiring.  At this point. 

5. This is a call for questions or subjects you'd like to talk about - I'd appreciate suggestions (and please come link up so that I'll be sure to see your post), so here's your chance!

I will work on this one.

Laura from C&C asks:

1. Stopping your dog - what do you prefer? On their feet? On their belly? Some combination?
Pat needs to lie his black ass down.  No compromise. He needs to hit the ground.  Jai self-stops, often too much, so I am working on a Stand with her.  I think just a slight pause on her feet would serve us better.  It would encourage flow and discourage the laying and staring option, something she often employs; feels more comfortable with in tricky situations that eventually often lead to a thorough Trial Thanking.

2. At what point do you start teaching this?
I like to think that, optimally, you start teaching a skill you need as you need it.  But, then, I like to think that this newish fleece pullover I bought is really cute and stylish though my daughter assures me that it actually looks like something that a bear would shit out after eating a movie's worth of muppets.  Anyway, as far as training and DOGS go - I haven't trained a dog from SCRATCH, so to speak, and both my dogs understand what Stop means, but it needs to mean something slightly different, depending on the dog and situation.  It's like Snow in Eskimo and WTF in my refrigerator.

3. Do you have a favorite dog? I won't tell.
Not really. I love all my dogs, but I think I'm especially drawn to Scout because she's such an odd little thing.  She asks for nothing and gives almost nothing in return.  I cannot understand her at all; what motivates her, what makes her happy...where all the Scoutrage comes from. 

Jai is a joyfilled dog and you can't NOT be happy around her.  She loves everyone and everything...except my daughter and Scout's barking. I love the way Jai snuggles up to me in her quiet moments and I love the way Jai vibrates with pent up energy and enthusiasm any other time.  She is a 0 to 99 MPH dog.

Pat is a sweet, goofy ole perv with a lot of talent and a heart as big as his floppy feet.  He is my soul mate. (Or a hamster is, who can say?)

LIkewise my other dogs have similar endearing qualities...but these are the 3 dogs with whom I am closest.  Each one is my favorite, depending on my day and my mood.

4. What is the #1 thing a dog can do to push your buttons?
Bark.  Or bite me while I try to move not quite fast enough.  Scout likes to rush and bite my ankles during our walks/runs.  I have tried EVERY POSSIBLE THING to get this to stop and NOTHING changes this behavior.  I hate it and it makes me yell and rush her, or shake her by her collar and say NOGODDAMNITNOFUCKINGNONONONO... and she barks and does it more.  LIttle Fucker.

5. Brrrrr... it's winter. What is your favorite soup recipe?
Green Chili Stew.  Main ingredients are pork, roasted green chilis of desired spiciness, potatoes, onion...seasonings to taste.  Simmer a long time for best flavor.

It's Shark Week* for Jai...which means that she'll be In the Kitchen next week. No running Pat at The Big Tease. He'll be crazed with lust.
He'll be peeing himself, mad for The Hump That Wasn't.  Poor ole guy.  My leg 2 years ago was the last time he made a Love Connection. 

Jai, meanwhile, has gotten Kate Moss thin and is shedding her coat as if it were last years fashion. As if she has a new one on order from Neiman Barkus. Maybe.

New Question: What's an odd behavior that you believe to be fairly unique to your dog? For me it's Jai's weird habit of staring in at us from outside through the big picture window on the patio.  She does this for HOURS as if she's watching one of her favorite shows: Us sitting around watching television.  It's on THREE or FOUR times a WEEK!! The other dogs lay on floors and couches, snoozing.  Jai stands outside looking in,  big ears alert to what might happen next - I might get up and retrieve another beer, Carlos might check his email.  She looks from me on my chair to my son on the loveseat, to Zeke Finley sleeping on the floor...Jen on the futon... Sometimes she runs in to see if its as real inside as it appears to be from outside, through the glass.  We're just not as interesting in person.

She only does this in Boise.  In Greenleaf she is in the house with me and Pat and Scout, laying around, chewing bones, acting normally. For the most part.

 

 

*Bleeding the fuck all over my furniture

**Wants to put Something in the Oven

***Ain't Happening

 

Yesterday I worked Jai in the desert with DD and Kelsey and Jody R.  It was a beautiful day, if you don't buy into that whole Climate Change is Real and A Beautiful Day in January with No Snow Pack in the Mountains Means Drought and Certainly Crop Issues if Not Global Food Shortages and Eventual World Wide Hunger and Cannibalism of Poor People's Irritating Children Plus Maybe My Chubby Neighbor Who Drives a Lexus SUV In Spite of There Being No S or U in her V.  The one who HONKS every morning for SOME fucking unknown reason.  HONKS! leaving her DRIVEWAY!! As if She Were Going on a Cruise Instead of 3 - 7 miles to her Bullshit Office Job Where Everyone Dresses As If Dillard's Department Store Sales were run by Polpot.  Bitch. I mean, TASTY!

Anyway! GREAT day in the desert.  Jai worked very well for me; as she has been very consistently lately.  No gripping, no excessive laying down and avoiding.  Pretty good about taking the flanks, very good about taking the correction and adjusting.  DD commented on how good she is looking, as did Jody R. and Kelsey. 

Clearly Jai knows that she'll be eating Soylent Green soon.  Perspective. The sheep no longer seem so intimidating. Or tasty.

I am looking forward to the Big Thaw (I know...Chill is for you DOUBTERS)... because it will be fun.  Fun people are coming into town.  Fun people are resident in town.  Jai may or may not be the Jai I've seen lately.  I don't care.  Either way: Fun.

Jorgen STEPS UP! (Tune in to see what he is wearing!!)

What are you wearing…..What is your favorite clothing to wear?

I'm wearing out; I'm wearing on people's nerves; I'm wearing smartwool socks and some of my morning's breakfast.
My favorite clothing to wear is jeans and a t-shirt. Plus a sweater or sweatshirt because I'm always cold.  Plus smartwool socks and my breakfast.

What do you think your dogs thinks about you?

I have a few dogs and I think they all have different ideas about me.  Mostly they agree that I talk too much. Some of them think these long runs/hikes that we take most every day, often several times a day, rarely finding livestock, are a clear sign that I should NOT be the Captain of our Team.  Just because I have thumbs.  I should be content to operate a motor vehicle, open and close cupboards, and scratch those hard to reach places. Stick with what I'm good at and leave the Thinking Tasks to the Intelligent arm of our crew.  I wonder if my dogs view my having thumbs in the same way that I view women having large manufactured boobies: Okay, I'm sure they are fun and under certain circumstances can get results that not having them can't get, but they also get in the way of some activities, like counting to four and jogging... and give one a false sense of importance.

Are you happy about the past year trialing, do you think next year will be better?

I really hope so. The thing I feel best about this last year and trialing is that I stopped being so concerned about who was watching and how I must appear to other, especially better handlers. I stopped freaking out about my rate of improvement not being fast enough and other white noise that wasn't helping me. I still get nervous but I'm no longer consumed by it and my focus is better.  Next year better be better..or I'm getting enormous hooters.

If you would ask a TMT question that you did not have to answer, what question would you ask? 

I don't think there is a question that I'd ask to a general group of people and yet be unwilling to answer myself.  Ocassionally I can think of things to ask to just FUCK WITH PEOPLE, that I wouldn't especially want to answer because there really isn't a good answer so much as an exercise in mind fuckery.  I used to post those questions to the BC Boards, because that seemed appropriate to the intelligence and hysteria level present there...and it was FUN! But, sadly, I was kicked off, repeatedly, by that snatch ratchet Eileen for not taking the boards seriously.  Seriously!  The same could be said of my attitude toward Gogurt as a dietary staple and bacon flavored vodka.  Dog weddings.  

How do you relax your dog before a run?  Pat wants to know...

My son is going into the navy in about 4 weeks.  He's been planning on going into the navy for over a year but he enlisted with the Delayed Enlistment Program so that he'd have time to get a SEAL contract - have laser surgery on his eyes to meet the vision requirements, finish 15 hours of college, and become UBER FIT.

He leaves in a few weeks.  I'm not certain when I'll see him again and I especially have no idea when we'll have another holiday together. 

Complicating this Christmas was the fact that when he leaves in January, he can't take anything with him; He will have just the clothes on his back and even those get donated or shipped home.

No one had ANY idea what gift to get Carlos.  He doesn't even EAT good or interesting food anymore.  He lives a life of strict physical discipline; eats the same thing at regularly spaced intervals and works out 3-4 times a day.

His sister took us all go-cart racing.  Everyone else gave him money.  I didn't want to do that. I had NO OTHER ideas.

UNTIL..a week or so ago we were watching television together, all the dogs laying around on the floor or furniture except Scout, who tends to hunker down far away, in her crate or under a bed, awaiting whatever Dark Conclusion she seems always certain is right around the corner. Carlos loves Scout and she doesn't dislike him.  Carlos considers Zeke and Scout his dogs and everyone else my ridiculous excess.

Carlos loves Scout's weirdness; that she seems like she is intelligent, yet completely absolutely unsound.  Deranged, even. She's amusingly crazed and he likes having her around.

So, we were sitting around, Scoutless as usual.  I think I commented on how one day I wouldn't be surprised to find that she was building a bomb somewhere under the furniture.  Carlos called her a few times and eventually she came skulking in and jumped up onto the back of the couch to endure her standard 3 strokes on the top of the head or right side of the body.  She was just getting ready to get her skulk on when he said her name again and she stopped briefly, turning back to Carlos. She gave him one of her patented grisely smiles.  It's truly a sinister thing.

"KA-BOOOMB!"

We laughed. She disappeared.

"I know what I want for Christmas," Carlos said.

"What?"

"I want a picture of Scout on Santa's lap. ..."

"Really?" I asked, picturing the many obstacles between that wish and reality.  That wish and a huge fine. That wish and me ruining Christmas for SANTA.

"Yes. That's what I want. And not some hokey bullshit petstore Santa...I want a Mall Santa with a good background and elves and shit..."

We both laughed. 

"Yeah.  What would be your SECOND choice this Christmas?"

Scout hates everything except me, Carlos, and trails. Scout barks at ANYTHING or ANYONE who makes eye contact with her, NO MATTER at what distance...through car windows, passing pedestrians...people in their kitchen next door.   Scout isn't friendly even to her own family most of the time.  Scout is an odd little dog who will bite.  Scout would hate Christmas if one could explain it to her.

Still.  With Kelsey's help and thanks to living in Rural America...

It never even dawned on the poor son of a bitch to be scared.  He was a jolly old elf indeed.  Though she didn't NOT HATE him, Scout also didn't bite or even bark at him. 

I'm pretty sure she didn't make a wish, thank God.

Jorgen asks:

Why do you like dogs?

Sometimes when Pat or Jai, or Scout...or Zeke..etc etc...is staring at me in what I think is fondness and a bond of unconditional loyalty and friendship; perhaps a desire to prompt me to interact in some way - scratch a belly or go hiking, it dawns on me that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Pat is really thinking,

"If I had a couple of thumbs, I'd change the locks on this shithole and you'd be out of here. I can do so much better on Craigslist. "

Or,

"I wish I could knock you back to breakfast for yet another shitty kibble meal.  It's a crying shame that I'm going to die first. Probably."

I love that I'll never know this or really even seriously suspect my dogs of treasonous reasoning.  They don't have thumbs or equality with our species and they're too smart to blow a good thing. 

If dogs have a religion, they keep it to themselves.  Or maybe we are their religion. That is certainly more solid than alot of belief systems. 

Dogs are easy to make happy. If the rest of your day/week/month/year sucks like 250 horsepower shopvac...the simple uncomplicated joy of your dog(s) is impossible to not be effected by.

Why do you compete?

I have said for awhile that I don't really care if I compete.  It's less absolute now because it is a measure of our progress, but I really enjoy training best.  Trialing or training to trial brings me closer to my dog by refining my communication with him/her.  I like how much I've learned about my dog through stockdog work.  I love that it is so complex.  I really love that it's working with their instincts to do real work and not stupid tricks.

I'm glad my dogs don't want to dance or do obedience. We'd suck at that. Or I would, really. More.

I'm really happy when someone makes me think about something and respond to specific questions or a topic.  Otherwise lately I just read the internets for news.  Deaths...Christopher Hitchens, Kim Jong-Il...my attention span.

I haven't had time, really, or opportunity to work dogs. 

This week's topic, or today's, it comes from Ann of Suntrip Samoyeds ...

What is your perfect dog?

        Do you like a dog that is really on the muscle?  I first started hating the term 'on the muscle' when I heard it in every sentence for an entire trial season to describe any dog that wouldn't LIE THE FUCK down despite how many time's his/her handler screeched the words.  It's sure better than My Dog Blows Me Off or MY DOG HUMPS THE INNOCENT.  Maybe it's a legitimate term for 3 or 4 handlers in the US.  Sadly I don't think I've heard it applied to one of their dogs by one of them.  But I drink a lot and rarely listen to the beginnings or the endings of most conversations.  Or sentences. I tend to be ON THE MUSCLE myself.

        Do you like a dog that needs a steady stream of whistles?  Probably this dog is ON THE MUSCLE.  I've watched some people run dogs this way and sometimes it's pretty beautiful work.  Some people, like Amanda Milliken, are quick enough and good enough, and so are the dogs,  that it's similar to a really cool choreography.  Sometimes it's just someone whistling to hear their head echo.

        Are you a maximal or minimal whistler?  I'm a shitty whistler.  I'm behind the curve half the time.  It's like I whistle panic or disappointment.  I'm changing that, however, slowly.  I STRIVE TO BE a quiet handler.  I can see where certain dogs might benefit from more input, but I'm a less input kind of person in general. I want my dog to be at least half the team.  If I could get Jai to pull me to the post in a sled, I'd let her order for me in restaurants.  I'd let her dress me. 

        Do you like a natural dog that feels the sheep and just needs a little direction here and there?  Who would say no to this question?  Those people should just ride a snowmobile or a jetski to the post with a chainsaw. They should do cat agility.

I'm cranky today. I haven't done MOST of my Xmas shopping and I haven't run in 2 days. Or three even.

        Do you like a dog that prefers certain type of sheep?
        Do you like a dog that wants to partner up and be a really good team player?
        Do you like a dog that really knows what s/he wants and you, as a handler really has to manage?
        Do you want push?
        Do you want a good listener?
        Do you want try? (Not tri.)
        Do you like a dog who gets the job done, no matter the sheep, but it’s a big job to get that dog listening?
        Do you want it all?
        Can you have it all? Since I don’t know enough to know what I don’t know, what do you want? What do you like?

Okay.  This is one 'Judy' reference away from channeling my mother.  (RIP)  This is where my attention span shuts down and I start wondering what I'll have for lunch.  (No offense, Ann.  My attention span dies and is resurrected like a Diesel Jesus...all existing at the metaphor level only)  I hit REFRESH on my NYT's and TPM screens to see who has died or done something politically outrageous. 

My perfect dog is Pat.  And Jai.  I'm probably NOT their perfect handler, but that's part of my job to figure out - how I can become closer to THAT GOAL.  Patrick has said that our dogs are born knowing how to do their job; our job is to learn how to communicate with them.  I believe that like every other relationship some people are better suited to some dogs.  Some communication happens more naturally than others.  I believe that some personalities are more compatible, temperments mesh better, and working styles more complimentary than others.  Pat and Jai are in some ways very different dogs and I love working both of them.  They are both sensitive and respond easily to correction.  I don't have to summon my inner Crazy Bitch. That's bonus! Some people may remember that I also really loved Rose, Patrick's dog, formerly Derek Fisher's.  Rose was a very hard dog to run, especially for me.  But I loved her toughness.  I admired her grit. I thought I wanted a dog exactly like her.  Patrick found me Jai, who is the polar opposite of everything Rose.  I can be successful with Jai, but I never would have been with Rose.  I don't have that much yell in me. That dog is fucking ON THE MUSCLE, for real.

Ann says Tell Me Hump Day:

What are your goals for yourself as a handler and for your dog(s) at the big trial this weekend?

As a handler I want to remember to think Big Picture, as Helsley told me in October at sheepcamp.  I need to be able to envision the goal and not get caught up in the details. STILL, however, I need to be able to juggle the details in order to obtain that goal.  I need for Pat to lie down at the top and I need to keep Jai out of trouble by keeping her in the right place to take my flanks at the right time.   I'd be happy to finish the course with Jai without being Thanked.  If I must be removed, I want it to be with some sort of horn or force.  Maybe Don can honk and then release his guard dog Norman.

For my dogs, I want Pat to have fun and not get frantic; not get yelled at.  I would like Jai to be relaxed and take her flanks.

Really, sadly, the ball here is all in my court.  If I don't achieve these goals, it's because I messed up.  I didn't keep my mind in the game. 

Fortunately I'll have plenty of alcohol on standby and I truly believe that I can outrun Don's old dog.