It happens to all of us eventually.  You’re chugging along, working towards your dreams and life offers you an opportunity to do exactly what you were hoping for:  Try out a really difficult trick, expand your skills at an advanced workshop, perform for an audience.  At first, you’re excited, practically breathless with anticipation, but then you feel something swirling deep in your belly. The feeling intensifies, it’s painful, gurgling, unhappy.  Your heartbeat picks up and you feel fearful for no recognizable reason.  You want to run away from your pole and hide. You might even start to cry.

Suddenly you consider the possibility that you could actually suck at this. 

Insecurity has come a’calling and she’s being a Bitch!

So you try to fight it off.  You stand up taller, stick out your chest, and tell yourself you’re not weak.  You tell yourself that you’re not pitiful.  You shout at yourself that YOU! MUST! DO! THIS!  But the feeling is still there, cowering in a corner, hugging itself, biting it’s lip to keep from crying.  Mine even makes a meeping sound.  Meep. Meep.

You attempt to trudge forward, but the Meep keeps raising it’s sad little head at all the wrong times.  That exciting new invert you just barely got yesterday – Meep? A burlesque performance – Meep. Meep.  A pole competition – Meep!  You find yourself procrastinating, avoiding that awesome opportunity, deciding it’s not worth the pain and suffering. And then, the opportunity is just gone.

But that annoying Meep? It’s STILL crying in the corner.  (Please note that the Meep is different from the NGE Monster. The NGE Monster is mean whereas the Meep is usually frightened and sad)

What can you do?  What does anybody do when insecurity shows it’s sad, goofy face?  Ignore it?  Bluster though it? Yell and scream at it? Kick it into submission? — No.

The Cure For Insecurity is NOT Anger

Pushing through the insecurity, fighting it before acknowledging it, will only drive it deeper into your subconscious. That’s why it keeps coming back; meeping and meeping when you really need to be focusing on the task of working towards your awesome, awesome goals. (I know they are awesome, because they are yours!)

Many people push their fears so far aside that they can’t even remember why they are freaking out, even though they are freaking out ALL THE TIME.  They are living in a fog.  And it’s really damn hard to decide which direction to climb if you can’t figure out where you’re starting from. That’s how people fall off of mountains and poles.

However, once you accept that you are feeling insecure and fearful, you have actually stepped into reality.  Now you can deal with that 15 foot tall obstacle of shiny metal, and the present moment, from a place of clarity and honesty. This is where you are [upside down on a pole].  This is what you’re feeling [my arms are shaky because I forgot where to put my hands].  This hurdle [pole trick / performance / dance troupe interview] is an opportunity for you to learn something seriously cool about yourself and really shine. Let’s deal with this.

Hug Your Meep!

The first thing I do when my Meep pops up (once I get past the crying fit) is to really notice it.  I take a soft deep breath and pay attention to how my body is reacting to this moment.

• Are my legs tight or wobbly?
• Is my breath shallow or fast?
• Are my hands clenched or shaking?
  

I check in with my body and breathe into every sensation. I don’t let it overwhelm me, but I give myself the time to figure out what they hell I’m feeling insecure about, instead of labeling my feelings as stupid, or weak, and shoving them aside. (This is called the internal witness in meditation and yoga)

Then, (and this is the weird bit) I offer some compassion to my sweet Meep.

Feeling insecure doesn’t have to be your enemy.

If you take your Meep, offer it a glass of chardonnay, and give it big, loving squeeze, you’ll realize that it just needed some reassurance.  Your Meep just needed you to recognize that you are growing beyond your boundaries (which is scary AND exciting).  You’re learning something new, becoming stronger, becoming wiser, feeling sexy, feeling liberated, and tapping into your deeper self. Whether that deeper self is a Sexy Minx, sweet Miss Mary, or ass kicking Rocker Chic is up to you and your Meep.

I know it can be difficult to turn an annoying Meep into your new BFF and coo sweet things at it.  Sometimes they won’t stop crying.  So, I usually think of my Meep as a heart shaped puff ball of fur with small doe eyes and a huge smile. Then, I shout “Meep! Meep!” (yes, really) All of which makes me smile and laugh at my own playful audacity.  Simply imagining my Meep like this makes me want to pet it until everybody feels better and we can all Get On With The HOT HOT Pole Dancing!

Acknowledge! Clarity! Action!

So the next time you feel insecure, look for your Meep, share a cocktail, a laugh, and a hug (acknowledge!).  Use clues from your body to figure out what is really going on (clarity!) and decide how you’re going step over those hurdles (action!).  Then get ready to fucking shine and kick some serious pole dance ass.

How do you deal with the softer fears of insecurity that plague us in dancing and in daily life?  Do you fight?  Do you run away? Or do you give yourself love and compassion? Tell us in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Because it’s new and you’re learning.

Because it’s old and you haven’t done it in a while.

Because you’re tired and feeling clumsy.

Because you’ve forgotten the steps.

Because your muscles feel tight and your mind feels sluggish and your soul just doesn’t have the same passion as yesterday.

Sometimes it’s not beautiful…

But YOU still are.

Sometimes you need the world to recede. You need to hide from it because it’s simply too much to bear for one moment longer. And your practice slows down. You stop dancing so hard, so fast, so strong. You stop stretching to your maximum potential. You stop meditating everyday. You just need it all to STOP because it’s spinning too fast for you to handle and you’re just trying to remember how to Breathe.

So let it STOP.

Let it stop NOW. Right NOW. Let the world go. You don’t have to hold it together one second longer. You don’t have to make it all work perfectly. That’s not your job right now.

You’re job is to BREATH.

You’re job is to put your feet on the ground and feel the earth pulsing underneath your toes.

You’re job is to simply experience what it means to be completely and totally alive exactly where you are and exactly who you are at this second in time.

And then when you are ready.  When you can feel your breath moving in and out.  When the energy of your own life is gently humming through your fingertips.

Then and ONLY THEN…

Let it begin again.

But this time, look at it with a child’s wonder.  With a beginners mind.  To a child, every moment is a new opportunity to play, a new opportunity to learn, experience, grow, laugh, and love life with an open heart.

Open your heart to your true Self.  This is who you are.  This is how you dance.  This is how you spin and twirl.  This is how you bend and extend.

This is your body and this is how it moves. This is how it feels to fly.

Maybe it feels old. Maybe it feels young.

Maybe it feels tired.  Maybe it feels energized.

Maybe it feels dirty.  Maybe it feels clean.

No matter how it feels, it also feels alive.  Because when you dance like a child, like a beginner, your dance comes alive.

Alive with truth. Alive with Breath. Alive with every emotion and experience you’ve had since your eyes first opened to this world.

And whether the dance feels beautiful or not, YOU, and the child inside you, are more beautiful than words can describe.

To commit to a lifetime of pole dancing, yoga, or meditation can be difficult especially when your progress feels frustrating and slow. Share your fears and how you find the Beauty in movement again in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Sometimes your creative Muse is motivated, playful, filled with wild hip swaying, booty bumping energy.  Sometimes your Muse can’t wait to Dance, Dance, Dance.  Sometimes she has a love crazed hard-on (yes, I said it. Get over it.) to grab that pole and make the world beg for more.   And sometimes she couldn’t give a shit.

Sometimes, she looks at that shiny vertical shaft of steel (or titanium, or brass, or chrome) and all she can think about is how cold it probably is right now.  How she’ll have to pull out the yoga mat to warm up.  How tired she is. Or how long it would take to change out of her damn pajamas and into her booty shorts, tank, leg warmers, 6 inch heels, and sexy cover-up, let alone find all those things in her closet.  Le Sigh!

So instead, she decides to skip her workout and visit Twitter for a few last minute tweets before bed… and maybe a stop on youtube for a quick pole video from one of her favorite Sensualistas… and then over to Amazon to pick up that new awesome album by Adele…

But something happens.

Something unexpected, especially since she’s wearing slippers, a pink heart covered pajama shirt, and nothing remotely practical. A tingle, a tickle, an urge to move, travels slowly up her spine.  Now, the Muse is no stranger to random movement and assumes it’s just a simple reaction to Adele’s luscious voice singing “Turning Tables”  and “Set Fire to the Rain.”  But as one song leads to another, leads to another, she starts to feel constrained. Her body is too tight, with her legs folded and spine bent squarely, resting on the office chair. Her mind attempts to protest, “Dancing in slippers is simply too ridiculous, and, well, too  slippery.”  But the mind is too tired to put up a fight and the Muse, recognizing the unconscious call of passion, uncoils from it’s dark cave and says “Why the fuck not!”

The Muse still doesn’t give a shit; about training or warm-ups or working her abs or building her strength or any of that practical crap. It’s 10pm at night for goodness sake, and she’s tired.  But that doesn’t mean she’s uninspired.  In fact, now is her chance… to be Deliberately Lazy, Deliciously Dirty, Undeniably Sexy for no damn reason other than she fucking feels like it.

The conscious mind pops out of it’s sleepy stupor to remind the Muse that she’s in no position to be making difficult demands like inverting or pole ups and then goes back to sleep.  But the Muse has no need for difficult tricks.  She just wants to MOVE, BE, BREATH.  The Muse wants to remind us to Live in the Moment because it’s the only one we’ve got.

And so she slinks. Over to the pole for slow, delicious, pelvic circles that take forever.  No, longer than forever.

She slides over to the wall (even easier than usual thanks to her slippery slippers) and paints passion into the air.

Breathing deeply, living for movement, tugging on those pink heart pajamas, dragging her fingers through her hair.

Dancing with sweetness, dancing with compassion, dancing with the steady, slow energy of the quiet night until she can’t remember her own name.

And when the night changes it’s melody from the cooling tones of Adele to the butt bumping beats of Kanye, Katy Perry, and some kind of ET alien invasion…

She gives in to that too.

Sometimes you have to give in the Muse fully, completely, without fear and simply trust that your body knows exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.

BTW, if you can say the title of this post 10 times fast without messing up (to me live, on the phone or in person), I’ll give you a free 30 min Yoga or Pole Private on Skype. No foolin’! PRACTICE FIRST and then contact me to set up a time or just leave a note in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

No one critiques her.  No one holds up signs that say 8 or 9.5. No one would even consider saying something negative at a pole party (especially at the fabulous birthday party I went to last night at Siren Fitness.)

The Demon’s Playground?

But when we move this whole experience and rename it from Party to Class, our inner demons surface. Instead of playfulness we become overly serious.  Instead of experimental we become regimental.  Instead of cultivating acceptance of ourselves and our bodies, we become judgmental, critical, and frustrated.

One of the key issues that every teacher struggles with is how to create an environment where woman will let go of all that self judgment.  We use encouragement, positive feedback, and try to teach by example.  Some dance studios encourage Las Vegas Rules, ie what happens in class stays in class.  Students can share generalities and their own experience with their family and friends, but not the names of other students or whether Stacy’s invert is better than Jane’s.

The Big NGE

But in the end, everything still comes down to one woman and her thoughts of being Not Good Enough. And don’t kid yourself, every woman struggles with Not Good Enough.  Even if she has managed to slay this demon, the damn thing usually has babies and no matter how cute and fuzzy they may seem in the beginning, eventually they’ll start sprouting six heads, shark teeth, and menacing poison tipped spikes. (I know this sounds all doom and gloom, but I promise there’s a happy ending…no not THAT kind of happy ending.  Geez!)

You’re Not Alone

I’ve been pole dancing for 10 years, teaching pole for 6 years, taking dance movement classes since I was 12 years old and I still regularly experience Not Good Enough.  In fact, some days it’s all I experience.  I’ll go to class feeling relaxed and ready to experiment, attempt a pole spin I’ve done a million times and totally bomb it.  At this point, I can usually get up, dust myself off, and try again. But by the third try, if I’m still unsuccessful, my NGE Demon will shake itself awake and start snarling at me.  It’s beady red eyes will glow as it says “You’ve got to extend, silly girl! Look at how weak you are? I told you this would happen if you ate that slice of chocolate cake last Saturday!  At least try to point your damn toes and fall gracefully! “

However, for me, the worst of the worst, the nastiest of the nasty, is the Not Good Enough demon from hell that I experience when I’m teaching.  Now, I LOVE teaching.  In fact, I’m working very hard to make teaching movement my full time job.  But when I’m teaching, it is my job to make sure every woman in my class has an awesome experience.  I need to ensure every woman understands the technique we’re working on, the safety issues associated with it, and all the different layers that turn a mechanical movement into a sensual pole spin. I WANT her to have a good time…. but I can’t MAKE her have a good time. Which means whenever a student is struggling with her NGE Demon, I’m struggling with mine.  My Teaching NGE Demon says “Quick, quick!  Help her for goodness sake.  What sort of a teacher are you?  Can’t you see she’s struggling because you didn’t explain it well enough?”

The White Knight Comes to your Rescue

I wish I could tell you that after years and years of pole dance practice, the feeling of being Not Good Enough goes away.  I wish I could tell you that if you conquer the beast once, it will never rear it’s ugly head again.  I WISH I could tell you that, but I can’t.  And I wish I could tell you that some sexy, gallant man is going to ride in at just the right moment, shove a pike into the belly of the demon and whisk you away to a huge castle with a room full of Louboutin shoes.  Instead you’re going to have to learn how to strap on a sword… because You are the White Knight.

The only person who can rescue you from your NGE demon is you.  And here’s the light at the end of the tunnel: Slaying the demon isn’t easy, but it’s does get easier.

Arm Thyself, Sensual Warrior

The number one way I have found to kill the feeling of being Not Good Enough, is Aparigraha.  No, I’m not speaking in tongues, well maybe I am a little. Aparigraha is a concept from Tantric Yoga which basically means non-attachment or non-clinging.  For me, Aparigraha is the cultivation of acceptance that all things in life will change.  All things are ethereal. Today can never be exactly like yesterday and tomorrow doesn’t exist yet.  It means JUST FOR TODAY, let go of the past.  JUST FOR TODAY, let go of your judgment.  JUST FOR TODAY, let go of your fantasies for the future (also known as expectations). Because, if you hold on to everything with a death grip, you’ll lose the one ability that makes us alive, the ability to change.

So when the Not Good Enough Demon attacks you, pull out your sword (of compassion) and kill him with kindness. JUST FOR THIS BREATH, accept life without resistance because you still have the power to change. In fact, the world is conspiring with you.  That’s why it promises that this moment in your life won’t be anything like the last one, or anything like the moment before that.

You have the freedom to choose something new every time you take a breath. Instead of judging yourself as Not Good Enough, simply accept that something happened that you didn’t want to happen.  It already happened.  You already lived through it, successfully(!) and now you have more information, more knowledge, more understanding.  Let it go, learn from it, and make a new choice.

Queen of the Compassionate Castle

I know how difficult it is to accept yourself in the heat of frustration, as you fail to achieve that perfect pole spin, that perfect advanced invert, or that perfect extension in the pose. Try to practice taking a breath.  One breath, leads to another, leads to another. Take just a moment to feel compassion and say to yourself…

Just for this breath, I let go of self judgment.

Just for this breath, I am Good Enough.

When do you experience the Demon of Not Good Enough and what sort of weapons of compassion do you use against him? Tell your demon slayer stories in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Last weekend I was invited to a Pole Room Consecration, meaning there’s a new studio in town and I got to be one of the first to play on their fabulous new poles! Needless to say I was excited, especially since 5 of those beautiful, shiny phallic symbols spin and go 12 feet up. (AWESOME!) However, after dancing my ass off into the wee hours of the night and then throwing my exhausted body into bed, I woke up with a little ache in my neck and back.

Don’t Whip It Good!

Now, you all know I’m a huge safety nut (what exactly does a safety nut look like?) But I still love to let loose and play… unfortunately when I get REALLY excited, I sometimes whip my head a little too fast. In my imagination, this move makes my hair look “fabulous” for about 2 seconds, when in reality it’s more of an accidental headbanger moment.  It’s a little habit I picked up before I understood some of the finer points of injury prevention, and something I don’t encourage in any of my students.   Some studio’s call this an “accent,”  I call it a guaranteed headache in my future!

So, needless to say I woke with a lovely post coitus polgasm, but a sad case of headbangers regret, which did not improve as the day went along.

Now, I am a woman of many tricks (which you’d know if you tweeted me once in a while, *Hint* Hint*) and I’m certainly not above using my feminine wiles to get a lovely massage from my boyfriend.  But, he was off at work and my throbbing neck was not willing to wait.  So instead, I put on my massage therapists hat (well, it’s more like a box filled with pressure point balls, massage books and aromatherapy candles) and decided to fix things myself.

First I took a quick look at the Acupressure Potent Points book for neck and shoulder pain (this is one of my favorite books for knowing where to massage according to the meridian and energy systems of the body).  Then, I took a nice hot shower to get my body warmed up and ready for massage.  Warming up the area you want to massage is really important.  It’s one of the first things a massage therapist does to help you relax so your body can release it’s tension.

Next, I pulled out a box of tennis and racket balls.  No, I wasn’t running off to the gym.  I use the different sized balls to roll around on the achey areas of my body.

Get Tingley

Basically, it works like this; you lay down so that the racket ball is positioned on one of the sore spots in your shoulder or back.  Then, with your legs bent, you can roll around so that the ball pushes into the knots. If you find a super sore spot, you simply lay quietly and relax as the tension is slowly released by the pressure of gravity.  The smaller the ball, the deeper the pressure.

I love deep pressure, so for my shoulder pain, I used my favorite Foot Rubz, which are small balls with plastic nubbins that stick out.  And I literally rolled around on the floor for 45 minutes.  It was like heaven on earth as I felt my neck pain slowly dissolve.

Your Pain Prescription

Seriously, if you’ve ever woken up with pain from overly enthusiastic pole dancing, or any other sensual night time experience (*wink*), you might want to consider trying this remedy too.  It’s only got three steps:

1. Take a shower to get the body warm (& throw on a comfy long sleeve shirt & pants so the balls can slide easier)
2. Lay down with a ball right under the achey parts of your body
3. Roll around until you feel the tension in your body start to release

I’ve even used the balls to roll along the energetic meridian points that release all sorts of interesting ailments, like headache, nausea, and stomach cramps.

However, I still managed to coerce my sweetie to give me a lovely shoulder massage after he got home.   A girl’s gotta keep her feminine wiles in shape, which means practice, practice, oh sweet practice. 

How do you take care of yourself after headbangers regret?  Or perhaps post coitus polegasm? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Once upon a time…

…there was a beautiful and vivacious woman, although she didn’t usually think so, who was diligently folding the laundry.  It was late, the house was fairly quiet and she was enjoying the time alone, even if she was stuck doing a few domestic chores.

As she slid her fingers across a soft silk bra, one of her favorite songs began to play on the radio.  The deep and luscious beat was hypnotic, seeming to beg her hips to move.

She looked around, smiling at the guilty thoughts playing across her mind, and gave in to the music. Slowly, slowly, allowing her hips to shift and tilt, turn and grind, circle and shake. She let the laundry drop from her hands and brushed her fingers through her hair. Such softness, such a tingle as she soothed the pressure points along her skull and caressed her lovely cheeks.

Suddenly she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and stopped. Surprised by the sensual smile on her own lips, the sexy curve of her hips, the acceptance of her self in her own eyes. She considered stopping, wonderding what would happen if someone caught her in such a precarious position.  But the song pushed through her senses, it’s beat too infectious to ignore and she let the mirror’s vision slide from her sight.

Realizing she was simply too warm, she found her fingers tugging at her clothes, pulling down the edges of her pants, lifting the straps of her tank top.  Everything seemed to tickle her, the smooth cotton surrounding her, holding her too tightly.  She needed to move freely, uncontrolled, unconstrained, completely released from emotional and physical boundaries. She knew she had to decide between dancing and clothing, and it was simply to late to stop.  First the shirt, slid over her head and shoulders.  And then the pants, bit by bit, fell from her undulating hips. The air tickled along her exposed skin and a welcome sigh escaped her lips.

When her legs began to shake from such playful exertions, she fell backwards onto the bed.  Her feet dangled, then swung from side to side, and finally kicked in a happy tantrum, feeding off the passion of the singer’s voice. The sheets were soft and easy to slide along as she rolled and twisted, moving slowly, deliberately, yet giving in to the emotions curling through her mind. She wondered again, how sensual her lips might look, lying on the bed with her tush in the air.  She decided a peek at herself wouldn’t hurt and looked over her shoulder at the mirror again.

The sight that greeted her almost brought tears.  Her body glistened; glowed with vitality and the feminine form.  Every curve melded seamlessly, sensually into the next with an easy grace– even the ones she had never liked before. For once, her body seemed happy, her mind content with the sight of herself, without needless worry, without misplaced shame.  Perfect and whole as she’d always been without having to change a thing.

She sighed as the song released it’s final notes and winked at her own reflection. Letting the memory of her movement, her honest beauty, her sensuality be captured and held.  She finally understood that she was truly sexy, and vowed to remember this fact today and every day after.  Perhaps all that she needed was to dance naked…. right after she finished the laundry.

A Call To Action

I invite you to discover your own hidden dancer.  The one you hide from while you do the laundry or get ready for bed.  Forget about the pole, forget about special clothes, forget about everything but the song and the feeling of being in your body, in your breath, in this exact moment.  You don’t need anything special, except your amazing self, perfect and whole exactly as you are.

Sexy is a realization, a state of mind that you are amazing just as you are. Simply choose a song and let the music infect you with it’s passion.  Or better yet, use a song to transform your body into pure emotion.  Let creativity, truth, and sensuality be your guide.  Let go of your worries for the length of just one song and you’ll soon see that they will never be as important, as alive as you are when you dance with your whole self.

Give in to passion, give in to life, give in to love…. and you may soon find yourself dancing naked.

Just try it, even if it takes a glass or two of wine.  I dare you to Dance (almost) Naked and rediscover how surprisingly sexy you really are. Please share your anonymous and not-so-anonymous thoughts in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Striped or Polka Dotted, Thigh High or Anklets, Cotton or Silk; socks are one of my favorite tools of sensual exploration. And if that sounds dirty, then you’re definitely in the right state of mind.

Cold toes suck!

Back when I first started pole dancing, I learned my beginner moves barefoot, and I absolutely hated it.  I missed my comfy tennis shoes, I missed my ankle support, and I really missed my oh-so-warm socks.  Later, after I’d learned how to climb and float around the pole, I understood the importance of training shoeless.  So, I started using foot undeez, a special pad jazz & ballet dancers use, to help protect the balls of the feet.

But I missed having warm, comfy toes. In fact, I regularly found that just the idea of dancing in a cold studio made me want to skip out on a practice session altogether.  Sometimes, I’d just have to force myself to deal with freezing toes until the heat of movement finally warmed things up.  I still shiver with goosebumps at the thought of that cold, icy floor.

It doesn’t have to be that way though, especially if you’re willing to explore the more slippery option of socks.

First, I LOVE the sensuality of socks

They come in all shapes, sizes, heights, colors, patterns, and materials.  Whether you love cute little hearts and red bows, scary vampire kisses, crew cut stripes, or sexy black thigh highs, there is a sock for you.  You can use them to dress-up as a sweet school girl, naughty librarian, or sexy referee.  You can express a mood like anger with skulls and crossbones, or playfulness with tie died colors.  Socks can have silk ribbons at the top or fluffy pompoms down the back or even pink cuban heels. And most importantly, socks keep your toes warm and build body heat in your leg muscles even before you start moving.

I have an entire drawer of socks just for dancing.  I usually take two or three different pairs with me to class, because I never know what I’ll be in the mood for.  In the summer, I love to wear a pair of striped thigh highs with my booty shorts peeping out from under a long red sweatshirt.   In the winter, I usually pull out a pair of wild knee high zebra socks to wear under my yoga pants (and give my yoga instructor a little tease).  During football season, I’ve even got a special pair of red and white striped anklets just to celebrate my favorite 49ers.

Second, socks are slippery

When I rediscovered socks, I found a new way of dancing.  Socks give you the ability to slide and slink across the floor.  They remove that sticky, annoying friction between the floor and your legs or feet.  So when you crawl, you can support more of your body weight on your legs and still slide sensuously across the floor.  When you spin, you can easily pivot on the balls of your feet.  And when you slide down the pole, you can create a continuous transition from standing to sitting.

Yes, climbing is almost impossible with socks and I definitely don’t recommend beginners attempt any inverted moves while wearing socks. But there’s so much more to life than inverts ladies!

Socks make your floorwork seamless and sensual. They give you the ability to showcase your flexibility as you slip from one pose  to the next.  With socks, you can transition from laying on your belly into a sexy V plank pose just by sliding on the tops of your feet.  Or slink from a kneeling pose in to the splitz by letting you legs slip along the floor.  And they are absolutely essential if you’re a booty popper like me who loves to “Back dat ass up.” (a truly naughty dance move where you rest on your knees, slide and pop your booty all at once)

Third, socks work your abs

Although you may not believe me now, slip on a pair of socks, and you’ll soon realize that your core muscles are key to staying in control. Socks remove the friction between you and the floor or pole.  Which means it’s absolutely critical that you use your abdominals to balance and slow down your movements.  Socks require you to ground the body while you stand or walk. They help  you to focus on your center of gravity while you twirl on your toes.  And they give you that deliberately lazy quality inherent in sensual dancing, stripping, and powerful feminine movement.

You can explore this by simply donning a pair of your favorite socks and trying to hold a plank pose.  Once you have your balance, experiment with maintaining the position of your torso while you slide your feet around. You’ll instantly notice how much harder your abs have to work while your feet are sliding and how much slower your movements become. Simply practicing with socks during your regular floorwork can help you develop power, technique, and more control in all other aspects of your movement.

Finally, socks give you freedom

If you’re ignoring improvisational dance, intuitive movement, or your sensual instincts, you’re skipping one of the most  powerful training techniques ever created. And socks, by their very nature allow the body to move in unexpected ways.

While you practice with socks, you might find you accidentally slide to the left, or wobble while you spin, or have to figure out a way to quickly transition to the floor.  Falling is an ever present safety issue, and taking the time to practice how to slow down your movements if your foot slips out from under you is a necessary evil.  Socks give you a way to do this when you’re actually expecting it.

Exploration is the spice of life.  It’s so important to keep your mind, body, and spirit open to the possibilities of doing it differently; no matter what IT might be.  And sensual movement cultivates our ability to move differently, live differently, be different from what society or the rest of the world might dictate.

But if you only move your body as your teacher demonstrates and you never explore your own abilities with playfulness, openness, and the permission to make a mistake, you’ll never discover your true capabilities- the luscious, unique, and sometimes powerful emotions that only you can express through dance.  Sometimes you need to add a new element, a new prop, to encourage your body and mind to find those new capabilities, to walk the path of life with a sexy stride and rainbow dream striped socks.

It’s time you gave yourself a delicious new challenge. Pull on a pair of socks and I’ll see you on the dance floor (and hopefully in the comments section too).

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I quit.

I simply couldn’t take feeling like I was slowly being left behind by the art form that had changed my life so much.

And by quit, I mean quit.  I canceled all my pole dancing and booty popping workshops and let go of all  my private students except a few die hards.  I even tried to give up pole dancing completely.  I took down my pole at home and sold two of my extra poles.  I became a gym rat and an extreme yogini.  I even considered going into yoga teacher training.   But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to shake the need for sensual dance.  I started developing new sensual pelvic, hip, and arm movements (much to the chagrin and possible pleasure of other gym goers).  I started playing with the more tantric aspects of yoga (at home, because these can get pretty naughty .  I started looking with longing at the space where my pole used to be.

I realized I had to come back to sensual dance.

I had to come back to pole dance. I had to accept the fact that even if I was the only woman in the world who felt the joy of sensual movement, I still needed it in my life. So I put my damn pole back up and danced, soared, twirled, and flipped until I remembered why I came to pole dancing in the first place….

I wanted to feel sexy, I wanted to feel like a woman, and now I do again.

Intellectually, I know I’m not alone.

I still have some wonderful pole buddies, as well as my phenomenal pole students. (some of whom, I am supremely proud to say, have gone on to be phenomenal pole instructors! woohoo!)

But when I look around at all the pole studios this art has helped create, I see so many of them ignoring the sensual dance aspects, deliberately! Meaning, they actively look for ways to eliminate the sexual aspect of pole dancing.  They “cleanse” the sensuality from their own movements just so they can appeal to a larger part of the population.

And yes, I get it.  Pole Studios have to make money to survive. The more students you can get in the doors, the more likely you are to keep those doors open for business.  But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give those students the OPTION to experience their own sensuality through dance. Just because most people like vanilla ice cream doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be given other choices like chocolate, or tin roof sundae, or even rainbow sherbet.

I know that some of the senior instructors at many studios were once strippers themselves, or trained by strippers, or friends with strippers.  They know how much fun it is to dance playfully, charged with the sexual power of their own bodies.  Once you’ve experienced that, how can you ignore it?  How can you marginalize it?  How can you pretend that it doesn’t exist?  It’s like discovering how awesome an orgasm feels and then someone tells you sex is dirty, so you don’t ever have sex again. Seriously, that’s fucked up!

Is the truth so difficult to bear?

I am not saying that pole fitness is wrong and sensual pole dancing is right.  That’s like saying gymnastics is wrong and Cirque Du Soleil is right.  They are all legitimate, all beautiful, and all amazing.

I am saying that pushing your sensuality aside, ignoring the sexual aspects of pole dancing, or pretending that the whole pole industry didn’t start because a bunch of woman asked a bunch of strippers, “How the hell do you do that sexy upside-down shit on the pole?” is stupid. And it really hurts my feelings.

So here’s what I want, no let me rephrase that, here’s what I’m doing….

I’m going to keep trying to talk about this.  I’m going to keep trying to post my feelings about this.  I’m going to keep bringing up sensuality, sexuality, body acceptance, celebrating your cookie, and being the honest sexy woman that you already are.  (I’m even going to throw in the obvious phallic nature of a metal pole just for kicks).

But, I’m asking for something in return.

I’m asking for your help. Because I need to know if anybody else in the world gives a shit about feeling sexy.  Do you want to feel sexy?  Do you want to experience the world sensually, in a way that makes all your senses tingle with excitement and anticipation?  Do you want to be able to accept yourself and your life exactly as it is and learn to change it by playing with it?  Or do you want something else entirely?

What you want from pole dancing is really what you want from life, and I’m dying to find out if what I have to say can help you…

So if you’ve got a minute, can you leave a little comment and tell me what you want from pole dancing, or pole fitness, or life as a woman in general… because we all need to know that we’re not alone.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Last night, I put on my thigh high zebra socks, a teeny tiny skirt and matching triangle bikini top.  I slid and dragged, lifted and popped, circled and shook — until the air shimmered with my warm breath.  The room was dark, tinged with red.  The music was heavy, beating with the rhythm of the earth and my heart.  The pole was shiny and glorious, as it should be.

The rest of the world fell away.  No more worries.  No more bills.  No more work.  No more drama or bullshit.  Just me and the heat of the moment.

The where, the when, the how, and especially the why — don’t apply anymore.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is my time to tease life into being. A time when my body knows exactly what to do and my brain disappears in mindless movement.  It’s my time to be a woman filled with soft thoughts.  To be a rocker chick who just needs to shake her hair.  Eventually, time disappears, lost in translation between body, soul, and dance.

I let my toes drag and take a step, shifting my weight to settle against the walls.  Slowly, slowly, letting my body drip down to the floor.  I move along every surface, letting my fingers barely touch the edges.  I paint the room with my essence and settle into my true self.  It feels as if the dance becomes me and we disappear into each other.

Sensual dance arouses your true self out of it’s logic bound cage.

You feel compelled to explore the world around you, though sensation, through experience, through sound and motion.  Without the prison of thought, life becomes an infinite moment extending out for eternity, with the joy of your senses to guide you step by step.  You realize that you can’t force your sensual nature, you must tease and tickle it, hold it in rapture with a nuzzle and a wink.  If you are willing, you can open your body to the dark places in order to find the light within.  It’s hiding because it likes to play, counting the moments until you find it, with a delicious pounce and a barrage of giggles.

You can’t depend on someone else to discover your sensual self.

It’s a game where nobody but you knows the rules.

Anyone can show you the technique. Anyone can demonstrate the trick. Anyone can direct your body and guide your thoughts…. but only you can accept the emotions that arise.  The power of life is to show you the puzzle and ask if you wish to solve it.  It takes courage to embrace and accept every part of your true self because there will always be parts that you don’t know…. yet.

You can’t know the future.  You can only see the glimmer of your soul when you let go of the past, and give in to the full experience of this moment.

What are you waiting for?

This is your personal invitation to dance, to live, to beckon and blow kisses in the wind, to tease the world until it gives you exactly what you want.

It’s time to throw on your silky thigh high nylons, your red heels, or nothing at all and wink back.   It’s time to dance, NOW!

How do you tap into your sensual nature & what does it feel like? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings Coming down is the hardest thing

Yes, I am a child of the 80s & 90s, but more importantly (and less age related), I was thinking of how luscious it felt to fly around my pole for the first time (and every time thereafter).  I remembered how much time I spent trying to force something that now feels effortless and filled with joy. Before, I would fight through my entire practice session, kicking and jumping into my flying tricks (a painful & damaging mistake)… with the result that I looked more like a fish flailing wildly through the air, instead of the beautiful undulating ribbon of a woman’s body that I envisioned.

Now, I happily take flight as gravity begs for mercy (depending slightly on pole grip).  But I feel a little sorrow when I think of how much energy I wasted frowning, stomping in frustration, and soothing the never ending bruises from bashing the pole in my arm, back, or butt AGAIN.

And I want to save you that frustration if I can.  Needless to say, flying is different depending upon the specific trick, whether its a one handed front hook, a reverse plank, or a flying dragon… But let’s consider it from both a physical and a philosophical viewpoint.

Physically, you need strength and lots of it.

To fly, you need strength to hold your shoulders down.  Strength to support your body with your rhomboids.  Strength to maintain a solid abdominal core that protects your spine while your body swirls and curves around the pole.

You also need control.  Control in your hands (because the death grip you’re using now is only going to strain your forearms).  Control of your hips so you know when to sweep your legs and when to stop.  And control of your fear.  Because fear is the little death that kills your dreams slowly. Fear wants to be the star of YOUR show.  But, YOU are the main attraction here.  Your fear isn’t even the understudy.

Accept your fear, but don’t be impressed by it, and it will dissolve into the background.

Your instructor should be able to help you with everything physically.  Whether you are working with a live person or a video, she should address all of your questions about technique, strength, and control.  Plus, she must discuss fear; how to recognize it and how to work beyond it.

Because, You won’t learn to fly until you realize you can.

Philosophically you need to release the outer world and become comfortable with your inner world…(Um, what the hell does that mean?!)

Consider a bird in flight.  As a bird begins to fly, it flaps it’s wings with strength, control, and technique.  Then it spreads it’s wings as far as it can and lets go.  It doesn’t fight the air currents, it finds the air currents and glides on them. Allowing knowledge and instinct to work together in harmony. The bird in flight recognizes the outer world (air, wind speed, height, etc) and rests in the deep seated internal belief that it has flown before and it can fly again.

You need the same belief.  The funny thing is, I know how close you are to flying right now.  It’s moments away, locked in your mind behind your fears.  Maybe you need to polish your control or build your strength a little more… but once you start to believe in yourself– strength, control, technique and flight will be close behind.

But you can’t force yourself to believe, because resistance only creates more resistance.

So what can you do?

You can pretend you believe until you convince yourself (not my favorite method, but some people have success with this one) or

You can recognize and celebrate every small step you take.  (Progress is progress whether your inner critic likes it or not.  And every small step proves that if you continue to follow the path you’re on, flying is an eventuality) or

You can just say fuck it.

You can set aside an hour to dance with joy and stop worrying whether or not flying tricks are in your future.  You can enjoy spending time with your shiny pole, knowing that you are a woman, tits to toes.  You can start giving in to the sensual nature in your heart.  You can start touching that inner world, feeling the comfort and freedom of resting within yourself, being whoever you are in that single, perfect moment. You can experiment with the external world of control, strength, and technique and simply invite your soul to play along.

Practice is what you do with your body, while your mind and soul learn to fly beyond your fears.

Are you ready to soar?

How did you overcome your fear of flying? What’s your favorite flying trick? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Oh god.  I am on a rampage.  If I have to read one more pole article that says  “if you notice pain in your wrists or shoulders after pole dancing, just make sure you use the other side” I might just scream.  Really, no REALLY?

Come on pole advice authors, please consult a physiologist or a book on progressive exercise training.  You can’t just “use the other side.”

You have to figure out where the injury came from in the first place or all you will be doing is INJURING THE OTHER SIDE!  Even better, figure out how to avoid the injury in the first place.

Proper Form before Playful Action

Yes, overuse is a major concern with pole dancing, but even more critical is improper form during overuse.  And perhaps, the student simply hasn’t built enough strength for that particular trick yet.  Pole instructors & students should consider these questions…

• Can you point out when your rotator cuff, rhomboids, lats, or core muscles are activated and in use?
• Do you know why the rhomboid muscles are critical to every spin you do?
• Do you know why you should NOT let your body hang from your rotator cuff muscles? (HINT: they are small *support* muscles that help you avoid dislocating your shoulder)
  
• Do you know how to ensure that your abdominal muscles are properly positioned to carry most of the weight, instead of just using your shoulder?
• Do you know how to develop these muscles BEFORE depending upon them to hold your body suspended off the floor?
  

I’m a big believer in building body balance into my training sessions: which means that I train every student to execute every spin in both the right and left hand directions. This technique balances the use of muscles on both sides of the body and does help avoid overuse. HOWEVER… my main concern is that each student understands the proper body form for each trick first. And even before learning the trick, we use strength training to develop the appropriate muscle groups.  This is called EXERCISE PROGRESSION  and I believe it’s a fundamental requirement of pole dance training.

My general method of exercise progression looks like this;

1. Learn which muscles you need to activate to accomplish the trick with both strength & flexibility
2. Learn how to activate these muscles in a safe environment, meaning with BOTH feet on the floor at a minimum.  (You don’t want to be upside down & suddenly ask yourself “Gee, where is my foot supposed to hook?” unless you like debilitating head injuries.)
3. Learn how to place your body into the appropriate form.  What goes where first?
4. Build strength in the key muscles while using the proper form & appropriate range of motion.
5. Learn the trick.
6. Over time, your body will develop an intuitive muscle memory for the proper form and you can learn the small changes that take a trick from enticing to delicious to breathtaking.

Make every step playful and fun along the way.

You can build abdominal strength with pelvic circles, pelvic isolation, and the fabulously flirty hurricane.  You can build flexibility in your hips with some seriously sexy booty popping exercises.  You can learn the proper body form for spins while you’ve got both feet on the floor doing some wonderfully *naughty* transitions called chugging.  (Think Ginger from Gilligan’s Island meets Betti Page, ROWR!)  These are some of my favorite dance moves, and I make sure my students know them so they can enjoy their strength, stamina, flexibility and sensuality all at the same time.

Progressive training can help make sure you don’t develop an injury from improper form OR overuse.  Progressive training can also help previously injured pole dancers recover their abilities and their strengths without getting injured again. Injury is a critical issue for the pole dancing community that I talk about with every new student. Your instructor should be able to discuss both recovery & modification options that are customized for you.

For your pole dance training, please search out an instructor who understands these things.  I learned to teach progressive pole training from Shawn Francis Lee, a classically trained dancer, a personal trainer, and a 20 year veteran of exotic dancing; and from Greg Welch, an exercise physiologist, faculty member of Cal State Fullerton, and AFAA board member.

If learning to pole dance is hurting you, then find out why.

First talk to your doctor or a physiologist and follow their advice.  Then speak to a knowledgeable pole instructor who understands your injury and can help you return to pole dancing with safety & with strength (and the permission of your doc).

I implore you, my beautiful fellow exotic dancers and awe inspiring aerialists, please, please, please don’t just “use the other side.”

Do you believe in Progressive Training? Have you ever had a pole dancing injury? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

In an effort to understand both sides of the Pol’ympics Debate, I decided to compile a list of the related articles that were written by people WITHIN our pole dancing community.  I ignored all articles outside our community, whether they were pro or con Pole Dancing in the Olympics, simply because the majority of them were either general news, studio promotion articles, or derogatory to pole dancing in any form.

What I found is rather surprising.  Although many people feel strongly about this topic, there are very few people who are speaking about it publicly.  Most articles for Pole Dancing in the Olympics were created either within one of the pole dancing federations or by a journalist who had read the petition.  What I have NOT found is instructors and performers giving THEIR passionate reasons for promoting pole dancing in the Olympics. This obviously concerns me.

I feel VERY strongly about this art form.  I feel VERY strongly about how it is portrayed in the media.  I know I’m not alone in these feelings of passion and concern (as evidenced by the reported 4000 petition signatures).  I certainly see other Pole Leaders speaking publicly about why they DON’T want Pole Dancing in the Olympics.  But, why can’t I find the impassioned blogs of those who DO want Pole Dancing in the Olympics?

Yes, I see the petitions … Yes, I see the politically correct documents… Yes, I see the press releases.  I want to understand your opinion, but more importantly, I want to hear it without the legal mumbo jumbo and PR material.  How can the Pole Associations expect to develop or standardize the pole dancing industry if they aren’t speaking to US, the pole dancers? More importantly, how will society (& the Olympic committee) respond to a petition when there is little to no PUBLIC discussion within our community?

Forget about the Olympics for a minute.  Many pole dancing associations are hoping to standardize pole trick names and develop pole safety regulations.  But how are you going to explain your reasons for defining one trick as a fireman spin instead of a skater spin?  How are you going to convince me to use a 4 inch thick pole mat instead of the aerial & gymnastic standard 6 inch thick mat?

How are these Pole Leaders going to communicate and discuss their platform or their opinions to the pole dancing community? I WANT to know the awesome ideas you have for developing, changing, maybe even revolutionizing The Art of Pole Dancing.  And I want to have a healthy, open debate about it.

So, whether you are For Pole Dancing in the Olympics, Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics, or On The Fence… if you send me a link to your blog with your Pol’ympic opinion (not an article written by a journalist please) then I’ll post it here.

I applaud those pole leaders who have posted their opinion no matter which side of the debate they are on.  My goal with this article is to encourage this discussion in an effort to build a platform of open communication… because Pole & Exotic Dance is a very young industry (compared to gymnastics, aerial, ballet, bellydance, etc.) and we’ve got a LOT to talk about. We’re all listening….

For Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• KT Coates – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Pole in the Olympics Teaser video – Pole in The Olympics
• Pole Fitness Association -  Olympic Effort
• Interview of Collette Kakuk – Pole Dancing Will Need a Makeover for the Olympics
• Kylea Killeen – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
  

Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• Jamilla Deville – Polympics
• Adam Jay – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Bubble & Facebook group manifesto – Pole Dancers who DON’T want Pole to be in the Olympics
• and my own article – No, I won’t sign your Pol’ympics Petition
• Kristen (Dolphin Dance) – Pole “Dance” in the Olympics

On The Fence

• Claire Griffin Sterrett – Olympic Size Debate
• PoleSkivvies – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Polespection by Journey – Olympics???
• Lori Meyers – Weighing in on the Debate
• Climb & Spin – Pole Dancing In the Olympics? Yay or Nay?
  

BTW, if you want to see some of the non-pole blogs I didn’t include because they were derogatory check out this link.  I caution you that many of these bloggers don’t understand our industry or our art form AT ALL.  But I’m including the link to be complete.

Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Ladies, you know I love the art of pole dancing, the delicious joy of moving a sensuous curvy feminine body.  But I cannot and will not sign or support Pole Dancing in the Olympics. You can throw sticks and stones if you disagree, but names will never hurt me.

Truly, I can’t understand why our community feels the need to “legitimize” pole dancing as a sport.  Pole dancing is about reconnecting with our lost femininity.  It’s about discovering that we don’t need to be afraid of the natural curves of our body.  It’s about learning and expressing our true sensual style in a safe and caring environment. When we each discovered pole dancing, something about this movement captured our hearts and titillated our senses.  I know the ladies who created this petition understand that, but I really don’t see how developing it into an Olympic sport will maintain that passionate spirit.

Why must pole dancing be “legitimized?”  Is the passion and intensity you feel while dancing “legitimate”?  Is the stretch you feel in your legs and back as you invert & brush your hand across your hips a luscious expression of your life… or is it “legitimate”?  I don’t care if society defines it as “legitimate”…when I dance, I feel what I feel.   I understand why the world of corporations and bureaucracy needs legitimate documents, legitimate processes, and legitimate products…..  but we don’t need that kind of distinction here.

In fact, I feel a certain amount of anger that someone might take this beautiful art form and scrub it of it’s sensual feminine components — Because that is the only way it will be accepted by the Olympic masses.  No more heels, no more booty shorts, no more bodystrings.   No more pelvic circles or hair whipping.  And I’m sure the Olympic panel won’t allow you to let your fingers glide along your curves either.  God forbid you touch your own body!

Perhaps the pole community is trying to find a way to expose more people to our beautiful art form?  But, most pole studios only allow students that are 18 years and older for a reason.  You can’t ignore the roots of this dance, which come from aerial, acrobatics, circus, bellydance, and STRIPPING. I’m not ashamed of those roots and I don’t want to remove the flavor and style that those roots impart.  I want to share it with others BECAUSE of that fabulous flavor and sexy style.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER…. Because I focus on the feminine, sensual, dance aspect of this beautiful art form instead of it’s athletic/gymnastic aspects…. Because I prefer continuous movement that celebrates the seamless transitions and emotional expression of life just as much as the gorgeous variety of tricks.

Would you call Cirque Du Soleil a sport?  Would you call Ballet a sport? Would you call BellyDance a sport?  Or would you need them “legitimized” as a sport?  I would call them art.  The expression of art is about how it makes the artist and the audience feel — not about how many points the artist can earn.

Obviously, gymnastics is defined as a sport. And if all they want is to take the gymnastic aspect of pole dancing into the Olympics, then I wish them luck.  But, this will completely take the DANCE out of it; and I respectfully request that they don’t call it pole DANCING anymore.  Call it Pole Gymnastics or Gymnastics Pole.  A little vocabulary change could make a big difference.

I realize I’m a small voice in a minority here, and my interest isn’t to incite a flame war on my blog.  I very much understand why other pole dancers are trying to share our movement with the world, I just don’t agree with the way they wish to do it. In fact, I’m actually in tears now, hoping some of you will understand how precious this dance form is to me.  It’s a beautiful movement that has helped me create a life of playfulness, confidence, and sensuality.  It’s a major reason why I’m not afraid of my body or my sexuality anymore.

Pole & Exotic Dance has opened me up to the inherent sensual nature of life and my path within that life as a woman (instead of the androgynous person trying to be “better than a man” that I used to be).  I don’t want to steal the athletic Pole Trickster’s right to share her awesome gymnastic ability with the world, but I don’t want someone to take away my ART of Pole & Exotic Dance either.

So, I urge you to consider how pole dancing will change, before you sign a “Pole Dancing in the Olympics” petition. Is this really the best way to share this art form with the world around you, when there are so many other ways.  I believe it’s as simple as turning to the woman sitting next to you and telling her your amazing story.  I know I’d love to hear it.

Do You disagree?  Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was lamenting on the state of the pole dancing industry when someone asked me why I focus so strongly on being a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER (someone who focuses on athletic pole tricks without transitions).

Although I recognize how wonderful pole fitness can be when a woman develops her gymnastic ability and strength, I am not in that camp.  I do not and will not ever just teach a pole trick.  I believe it is the transitions between the tricks that connect a woman with her sensual nature, not just the trick itself. If I cannot evoke an emotional response throughout my dance, then I’m not interested in dancing; and serial pole tricks do not evoke emotion in me.

Whenever I see a pole Trickster, I find my mind wandering.  Yes, the flawless execution is impressive.  Yes, the difficulty is obvious.  But it’s still the same tricks, over and over and over again.  Instead of noticing the way she accentuates the curve of her hip or the luscious shadow of the hair falling down her back, I consider her gymnastic execution; her fitness & stretching routine, her training regimen.  Of course she is beautiful, impressive even, but I want to see the movement of life breathing through her, the spark of humanity, the hypnotic fire of creativity that burns through a dancer. I know it’s there, but I just can’t see it.

I certainly agree that being a pole Trickster is a great way to get in shape.  It’s a phenomenal and powerful activity that many awesome and wonderful woman do with their bodies.  But it’s not what I want.  And to answer the question of why, I wrote this response to a friend of mine.  It’s rather raw, and starts off with a doozy, but if you wanted butterflies and lily pads, you probably wouldn’t be reading my blog anyway.

Fuck pole dancing, but not in the way you think.

The pole is a prop, a gimmick.  It’s the feeling of pure sensuality that I am after.  The afterglow of the dance is like the afterglow of sex.  I want to feel beautiful, luscious, delicious.  Circles of erotic bliss.  I want the space to be vulnerable again.

I tire of being hard. Hard at work, hard at home, hard in traffic. I am not a man and have no wish to be.  I am the force that bends instead of breaks; the life that flows instead of shatters.  My heart is transparent because my tears fill it’s soul.

Being at work fights my nature. No, I fight my nature when I’m at work.  My lover requests for my return to dance.  He wishes to see what only a woman in raw movement can show him.  But this vision, this truth is available only when a woman remembers herself.  She experiences life with flaws, weaknesses, strength, mistakes, emotions, and creation.

Reality is not about perfection; this is man’s lie, one he tells himself.  The sun, moon, and stars have NEVER given us perfection, only natural cosmic coincidence.  All things work in harmony because of their inherent chaos.

You want proof?  –  I am proof.

I am a living contradiction, strength and weakness personified in one body.  A living mass of confusion that somehow remains in balance and lives — breathes even.  Whereas a rock, a flawless diamond with the most intricate and perfect structure, highly prized for this logical and regular pattern of atoms, lacks a soul.

The one requirement of life is that it is NEVER perfect, never done.  No matter how many times it has tried, life must continue the struggle or give up.

Enjoy your struggle, your dance of sensuality, and recognize the amount of passion you nurture to be truly ALIVE each and every day.

Do You disagree? Share your ideas in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!