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10 Small Habits of Less Stressed People

2012-05-19T15:14:00.000+08:00

The Positivity Blog | Increase Your Happiness and Awesomeness

"Unnatural work produces too much stress."
Bhagavad Gita

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
Sydney J. Harris

Keeping the stress away in life isn't just about the big decisions and challenges like the career, your most important relationships, money and health.

It is also to a large degree about what you do each day and week. Those small habits that you may forget about or neglect that when added up make a huge difference.

Here are 10 of them that are having a wonderful impact in my life and have had a very positive effect for many people.

Write it all down.

Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket. So write down all your great ideas, insights, and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.

One thing at a time.

You'll get better results and feel better and less stressed if you do just one thing at a time. So instead of multi-tasking, get your day started with doing the most important task of the day until it is finished. Then continue with the next task that is now the most important one for you.

Ask instead of guessing.

Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.

Don't make mountains out of molehills.

Before you start thinking too much about something and building it up something big in your head, ask yourself "am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? And if you get lost in victim thinking in some way then ask yourself "does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?".

Pack your bag before you go to bed.

Then you don't have to get stressed out by that in morning and you are less likely to forget something.

Set clear boundaries for your day and week.

I have to have limits to properly balance fully focused work with relaxation. By doing things this way I have discovered that I become more productive when not everything is about being productive. And life, in my experience, does become more pleasurable too. Three ways to set boundaries for your day and week are:

Set at stop time and start time for work. I do not work after 7 o clock in the evenings and I do not work before 8 o clock in the morning.
Plenty of breaks each day. Take breaks during your day to stay sharp and to have energy for the evenings and weekends too. I usually work for about 45 minutes and take a 15 minute break per hour. During that break I get away from the computer and do something different like going out for fresh air, eating something or watching half an episode of the Simpsons. Then every third hour or so I take a longer break for lunch, a snack or something like that.
Don't work on weekends. I try to stay away from the usual impressions and routines during the weekend. I usually take one media- and internet free day. I rarely check my emails on Saturdays or Sundays. Instead I spend time with my girlfriend, friends, family, a good book or movie or I do some other fun activity.

Keep everything in its place.

If everything has its own place then it is whole lot easier to keep your home reasonably ordered and decluttered from day to day. And to find the keys, wallet and cell phone as you are heading out the door.

Be 10 minutes early.

This very simple tip has transformed those traveling times during my day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only up my levels of stress and other negative feelings.

Keep a very simple workspace.

By keeping a very simple workspace you minimize the distracting and stressing clutter. And your attention becomes easier to focus in a natural way on what is most important. So think about how you can create such a place to work in.

One suggestion is to just have small desk with a laptop, a pad of paper and a pen and something that inspires you on one of your walls like a list of your top priorities or dreams, a good quote or a meaningful photo that gives you a jolt of energy and positivity.

Just breathe.

When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.

Reading one hour a day could change your life

2012-05-17T19:03:00.001+08:00

Here's one very simple yet potentially lifechanging advice I first heard from Brian Tracy. Cut down on the TV at night by just one hour. Instead use that hour to read books that could improve your life.

If you're in sales, google or browse amazon for what other people think are the best and most useful books on improving your sales.

This of course applies to all fields, not just the workrelated ones. Maybe you want to improve your health, become a more energetic person with a better looking body. Or maybe you want improve your productivity, your relations or perhaps do some general personal development.

One hour a day is not much. But if you read for one hour a day on weekdays that's about 260 hours a year. That's a lot of books and loads and loads of useful advice.

If applied who knows what great things and feelings could come into your life this year.

Also, all that cool information and useful advice will start to open up your mind. You will start to see more possibilites in your everyday life.

Now, now you might think something like this:

1. I really don't have the money...

Answer: Visit your local library or search their database if they got a website. Or look for used copies in places like amazon.com or some more local alternative if you're outside of the US.

2. Yeah, ok, but I really don't have the time...

Answer: Buy the books as audiobooks and listen to them in the car whilst driving to and from work. Or transfer them to your mp3-player and listen while riding your bike/bus to work or school. Recently selling audiobooks directly through mp3-downloads have become popular. It's probably something we will see more and more as people and companies discover this easy (and if the technology works) smooth way of shopping.

So start browsing for recommendations on books or ask your friends and collegues.

And shut of the TV a little earlier and start reading this week.

7 essential life tips from Mark Twain

2012-04-06T20:23:00.001+08:00

1. The secret of getting ahead…

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

This is a very good tip and one of the best ones I have ever discovered and used to handle procrastination.

When you start to look too far into the future any task or project can seem close to impossible. And so you shut down because you become overwhelmed or fearful (of success or failure) and start surfing the internet aimlessly instead.

So instead, break that task into small and practical steps.

Then just focus on taking the first step today. That is all you need to focus on, nothing else. By taking the first step you change your mental state from resistant to “hey, I’m doing this, cool”. You put yourself in state where you become more positive and open, a state where you may not be enthusiastic about taking the next step after this first one but you are at least accepting it.

And so you can take the next step. And the next one after that.

Until you have arrived at your destination and completion.

2. Less talking, more doing

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often”

“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”

It’s often easy to talk but developing the habit of being a person of action is quite a bit harder.

Being in the habit of breaking down your task into smaller pieces is one of the most effective things you can do to take more consistent action. Two other habits that work very well for me are to:

Start your day with a good morning routine. This is probably the most important factor for how much action I take during a day and how the day turns out in general. A good start often leads to a good day. A bad or indecisive start often leads to a pretty mediocre day.
So create a morning routine with a good breakfast, perhaps a short work out or a short meditation and other things you find gets you off to a great start. Then add doing the most important task of your day at the end of that morning routine.
Or if you, like me, may feel low in energy, unmotivated or have extra inner resistance to taking action on some mornings then start small and do something easy and simple.
Take one small action right away to get the ball rolling. What is one thing you can do to pretty much make sure that something will get stuck on your I’ll-do-that-when-I-have-the-time list for a long time? Read about something and get excited about it. And then do nothing about it or tell yourself that you will take action tomorrow.
Instead, take one small action today, as soon after you have read about whatever you are excited about. Make a plan, book an appointment, do something concrete.

3. Be courageous in the face of fear

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”

Being courageous can be difficult but if you want to live the life you want to live then sometimes you have look into the face of fear and get going/keep going anyway.

And although it is rarely easy to be courageous I have found a few ways to make it easier.

Ask yourself: what is the worst that could happen? Really think about. Don’t just think about it for a few seconds. Sit down with a pen and piece of paper, your laptop or cellphone. Write it all out and think about what the realistic worst-case scenario would be. Then write down a plan for how you can come back from such a scenario.
This step brings clarity, defuses fuzzy fears and helps you realize that you can most often bounce back pretty quickly even if the worst-case scenario somehow becomes reality.
Share your fear with someone. By sharing your fear you can relieve inner pressure. By just keeping it on the inside it’s easy to build it up into this massive nightmare and extremely dangerous thing.
By sharing and by getting some input from a levelheaded friend or family member he or she can help you to alleviate the fear and inner pressure. And you can gain a much healthier perspective on things again.
Accept the fear. It is a natural impulse to try to deny the fear when shows up in your life. Perhaps you try to not think about it, you try to push it away. I have found that in many cases it is actually better to just accept that fear is here right now (although it can be hard to sometimes convince your brain that this is a good option).
By doing so you stop feeding more energy into the fear and you stop making it strong. After a few minutes of fully taking in this uncomfortable feeling and accepting it then it starts to lose steam. It just seems to float away – or at least becomes smaller – and you feel more open and centered.

4. A good compliment is a wonderful thing

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Compliments are awesome. But make sure you make it a genuine one. Make sure you really mean it or it may have the opposite effect as your insincerity shines through. Find something a bit unexpected – like great taste in old soul music rather than looks – and something that is important to the other person and make a positive, appreciative comment about that.

5. Keep positive company

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

I have mentioned this many times. But it bears repeating.

Spend more time with positive people, books, music, movies and websites. Spend your time in an environment that lifts you up. And spend less time or no time with the negative sources out there. Make a conscious choice and start to shape your environment instead of just going along and reading, listening to, watching what people in general or people around you may be in the habit of consuming.

6. Focus on what is truly important for YOU

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

Like with your environment it is important to make a conscious choice to focus on what is most important in YOUR life. And not on the things that various companies may tell you are the most important things.

Like I mentioned little more than a week ago, a note with the 4 most important things in your life smartly placed where you will see it every day – in your workspace etc. – helps you to keep your mind consistently on your top priorities.

And if you want a couple of practical tips that will help you to declutter your ad/information intake then:

Ask yourself: is this useful? If for instance a TV-show or magazine isn’t bringing me anything useful – fun, fascination, useful tips etc. – then why am I spending my time on it? It’s kinda easy to just fall into a habit of doing stuff or consuming things without really having much of a reason for doing so.
Find out what you really like to do. That will probably be more interesting that surfing the internet or TV-channels randomly. And so these less exciting things just tend to fall away from your life as you find – or spend more time with – things that you really like to do, like for instance a new hobby.
Shut off the sound during commercials. And talk to the person beside you on the couch. Or read a couple of pages. Or record the TV-show or movie. Then skip through the commercials.

7. When emotions are exploding… wait.

“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.”

It’s easy to make bad decisions when you are full of negative emotions. And it is very easy to become riled up, angry or defensive when you, for instance, receive some criticism or when someone is attacking you verbally. This is not a good position to be in to fire away a reply if you don’t want to wind up making the situation worse.

And to lash back at this person or to not be the better person here can really hurt your self-esteem. It might feel good for a while to do so but it is a dirty high that comes with a hangover of feeling worse about yourself and subtle or not so subtle self-destructiveness.

But how do you control the impulse to attack, overreact or make a hasty decision?

Remind yourself of the potential consequences. I don’t want to hurt myself, my self-esteem or make bad decisions with negative consequences. By repeatedly reminding myself of these potential consequences thoughts about those consequences will also often pop up automatically when I receive criticism or when I am angry.
Count to at least 10 and take a few belly breaths. Then respond. This simple way of calming yourself down and regaining some perspective can save you a lot of trouble and help you avoid saying something you can’t take back. It’s a good approach to avoid creating unnecessary problems and to cool down just a bit and to feel more balanced before you reply or take action.
Accept how you feel. If you have a little more time than under a minute then take a look at tip #3 again and try to accept how you feel to lessen the big emotions more quickly.
If possible, wait until tomorrow or at least later today. By then the most negative feelings will most likely have lost their steam and you can see things with more clarity and cool. And take action in a better and smarter way.

From: http://www.positivityblog.com

Always Changing

2012-03-27T20:20:00.001+08:00

Please excuse me if I'm a little pensive today.

Mark is leaving, and I'm feeling kind of sad.

You probably don't know Mark, but you might be lucky enough to know someone just like him. He's been the heart and soul of the office for a couple of year combining exemplary professional skills with a sweet nature and gentle disposition. He's never been all that interested in getting credit for the terrific work he does. He just wants to do his job, and to do it superbly well.

And now he's moving on to an exciting new professional opportunity. It sounds like it could be the chance of a lifetime, and we're genuinely, sincerely pleased for him. But that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to a dear friend and trusted colleague.

Life has a way of throwing these curve balls at us. Just when we start to get comfortable with a person, a place or a situation, something comes along to alter the recipe. A terrific neighbor moves away. Someone in the family graduates. A child finds new love and loyalties through marriage. The family's principle bread-winner is laid off.

Our ability to cope with change and disruption determine to a great degree, our peace, happiness and contentment in life.

But how do we do that? Philosophers have considered the question for centurie and their responses have been varied. According to the author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiaste comfort can be found in remembering that "to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Kahlil Gibran urged his listeners to "let today embrace the past with remembrance, and the future with longing."

A friend of mine who works for the government is fond of reminding his fellow bureaucrats that "survivability depends upon adaptability." And then there's Chri the California surf-rat, who once told me that the answer to life's problems can be summed up in four words: "Go with the flow."

"It's like surfing," Chris explained. "You can't organize the ocean. Waves just happen. You ride 'em where they take you, then you paddle back out there and catch the next one. Sure, you're always hoping for the perfect wave where you can get, like, you know, totally tubular. But mostly you just take 'em the way they come. It's not like you're trying to nail Jell-O to a tree, you know?"

I'm not exactly sure, but I think Chris was saying that life is a series of events―both good and bad. No matter how deft your organizational skill there will always be life-influencing factors over which you have no control. The truly successful person expects the unexpected, and is prepared to make adjustments should the need arise―as it almost always does.

That doesn't mean you don't keep trying to make all your dreams come true. It just means that when things come up that aren't exactly in your plan, you work around them―and then you move on. Of course, some bumps along the road of life are easier to take than others. A rained-out picnic, for example, is easier to cope with than the sudden death of a loved one. But the principle is the same.

"Change, indeed, is painful, yet ever needful," said philosopher Thomas Carlyle. "And if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope."

We're going to miss Mark, just like you'll miss that graduate, that neighbor or that newlywed. But rather than dwell on the sadness of our parting, we'll focus on our hopes for a brighter future―for him, and for us. And then we'll go out and do everything we can to make that future happen.

Until our plans change―again.

A Lesson for Living

2012-03-06T21:25:00.001+08:00

"Everything happens for the best," my mother said whenever I faced disappointment. "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. And you'll realize that it wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment."

Mother was right, as I discovered after graduating from college in 1932. I had decided to try for a job in radio, then work my way up to sports announcer. I hitchhiked to Chicago and knocked on the door of every station - and got turned down every time.

In one studio, a kind lady told me that big stations couldn't risk hiring an inexperienced person. "Go out in the sticks and find a small station that'll give you a chance," she said.

I thumbed home to Dixon, Illinois. While there was no radio-announcing jobs in Dixon, my father said Montgomery Ward had opened a store and wanted a local athlete to manage its sports department. Since Dixon was where I had played high school football, I applied. The job sounded just right for me. But I wasn't hired.

My disappointment must have shown. "Everything happens for the best," Mom reminded me. Dad offered me the car to job hunt. I tried WOC Radio in Davenport, Iowa. The program director, a wonderful Scotsman named Peter MacArthur, told me they had already hired an announcer.

As I left his office, my frustration boiled over. I asked aloud, "How can a fellow get to be a sports announcer if he can't get a job in a radio station?"

I was waiting for the elevator when I heard MacArthur calling, "What was that you said about sports? Do you know anything about football?" Then he stood me before a microphone and asked me to broadcast an imaginary game.

On my way home, as I have many times since, I thought of my mother's words: "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. Something wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment."

I often wonder what direction my life might have taken if I'd gotten the job at Montgomery Ward.

The Long Goodbye

2012-02-17T19:58:00.001+08:00

"They grow up too soon," everyone told me. Eighteen years later, I finally understand what they meant.

It's nearly the end of summer break and my son goes out with friends. Ten minutes after he leaves home, I receive his text: Here. It's the same message I've received hundreds of times before -- our agreed-upon shorthand to reassure me, and probably him, in some still-unexamined way, that he has arrived safely at his destination. In a matter of days he'll head to college, and this routine, along with many others that have framed our days and nights, will come to an end. Reading that text triggers images stored safely away in my memory, a tiny flip book of our lives together.

My constant companion of nine months emerges with his eyes wide open. He's placed on my chest. I feel his heartbeat reverberating through mine. All I see are beginnings. Friends who visit caution that time is elusive, that he'll grow up faster than I can imagine, and to savor every moment. But I can't hear them; it's all too clichéd and my child has only just arrived. He's intoxicating: the beautiful bracelet-like creases in his wrists, the way he sounds like a little lamb when he cries. I'm filled with a renewed sense of purpose, of hope, of love. The first few months after he's born are topsy-turvy -- day is night, night is day. When sleep finally returns, so does work. My business suit is tight, my mind preoccupied. I pump milk in a cold, gray bathroom stall.

His teeth begin to appear. Baby bottles give way to solid foods. He points high above his chair to the clock on the wall. "Clock," he says. It's his first word, minus the "l," and it makes me laugh. Soon he is walking, skipping, making angels in the snow.

I'm promoted at work. It becomes harder to find the time to make playdates and pediatrician appointments. At lunch I read books about nurturing, teaching, inspiring your child. He calls my office with the help of his babysitter. "Momma," he says, "I'm making you a present."

The tooth fairy arrives and leaves him handwritten notes. He discovers knock-knock jokes and learns how to add, subtract, and read. He builds giant castles with giant Legos, rides his shiny bike down a country road with his feet off the pedals.

I quit my job to do freelance writing -- everything from training programs to marketing brochures to essays - usually when the rest of the family is sleeping. There's never enough money, but now at least we have time.

Saturday nights are always family nights, spent at home. There are countless sporting events. He tries baseball, soccer, and track, then falls head over heels for basketball. He swings from tree limbs, wears superhero costumes, develops crushes, friendships, and fevers.

I volunteer at his school: cut, paste, read, nourish, fund-raise, chaperone. I like this job.

There are marathon bedtime story rituals, endless questions about how things work, and monsters under the bed. Lego pieces grow smaller and castles more intricate. He tries the guitar, plays the trombone, saves quarters to buy video games, and collects trading cards, which he keeps in a shoe box under his bed.

We get a dog. He loves this dog with all his heart. The dog loves him back.

One day his height surpasses mine and, seemingly the next, his father's.

He reads an essay by a sportswriter. It lights a fire in him. He starts to write his own stuff, wandering into my office as I try to juggle freelance assignments.

I feel privileged to read his work.

Orthodontics are removed to reveal straight pearly whites. He earns his first paycheck as a baseball referee but wishes that it had been as a writer.

He learns to do the laundry, scrub the bathroom, and make pasta, though he often professes to forget how to do all three.

He turns 18.

On a cold and rainy Election Day we head out together to vote. After two hours waiting in line, he's the only teen in sight. It's not lost on him -- by the next morning he has written all about it.

He gets a job as a blogger, then starts his own website. And all the while there are macroeconomics, physics, and college applications.

The flip book's down to its last pages.

I've defined myself as a mother for 18 years. Who am I now? I look in the mirror. In my quest to help him grow wings, I forgot to grow some of my own. Can I find a new sense of purpose, rechannel the love?

Before I was a mother I was a daughter, infused with energy and the unspoken reassurance that my parents would always be there. But I can't be a daughter again. I'm on my own.

Does purpose -- mine, yours, anyone's -- require someone to nurture it, or is it inherent in all of us?

I'll soon be putting these competing theories to the test.

As I sit down to write this piece, I receive his text: Where are you?

Here, I text back.

For now.

The Chinese dragon

2012-01-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

The dragon is an important cultural totem of the Chinese people, who name themselves "the descendants of the dragon". You may have many questions about this mythical and powerful creature in Chinese history and legend. How many animals are featured in the dragon's form? What does the number of dragon claws indicate? Why is the dragon an emblem of imperial power? Where will you find the 9 sons of the dragon? Let's roll down to find the answers in the story.
龙是中华民族的重要文化图腾。作为"龙的传人"，你可知龙的形象中暗藏了哪些动物？龙爪的多少有何寓意？龙何以成为皇权的象征？在哪些地方能看到龙之九子？今天就让我们透过历史和传说的迷雾，找寻那条充满神秘与力量的东方巨龙。

【龙的起源】
Where does the Chinese dragon come from? One theory is that its form originated from totems(图腾) of different tribes in ancient China, as a merger(合并) of totems of various tribes that had merged.
龙从何而来？有一种说法是，龙的形象源于中国远古时期各个部落的图腾，部落之间的合并带来了各部落图腾的融合，并最终形成了龙的样子。

Legend has it that many tribes settled along the Yellow River about 4,000 years ago, each having its own totem bearing the images of tigers, oxen, horses or deer. The first legendary emperor of China, Huangdi, used a snake for the totem of his tribe.
传说在4000前，黄河流域生活着许多部落，他们都拥有自己的图腾，如虎、牛、马、鹿等各种动物。中国古史传说中的始祖――黄帝，用蛇作为其部落的图腾。

Every time Huangdi conquered another tribe, he incorporated his defeated enemy's emblem into his own, and fashioned the image of what has come to be known as a dragon, thus explaining why the dragon appears to have features of various animals.
黄帝四处征战，每胜一个部落，就将那个部落的图腾加到自己的图腾里面。久而久之，便形成了龙的样子。这也解释了为什么龙有多种动物的特征。
【龙的形象】
According to a general description, Chinese dragons have the head of a camel, horns of a deer, eyes of a rabbit, body of a snake, belly of clam(蛤), scales of fish, claws of an eagle, paws of a tiger, and ears of a cow.
龙长什么样？通常人们用9种动物的特征来描述它的形象：头似驼、角似鹿、眼似兔、身似蛇、腹似蜃(大蛤)、鳞似鱼、爪似鹰、掌似虎、耳似牛。

Many pictures of Chinese dragons show a flaming pearl under their chin. The pearl is associated with wealth, good luck and prosperity.
许多绘画当中都可见龙颌下有一颗火珠，这颗龙珠有着财富、吉祥、繁荣等寓意。

The breath of the dragon forms a cloud, which can change into either rain or fire. It is able to expand or shrink its body, and in addition it has the ability to transform itself and become invisible.
龙呵气成云，既能变水，又能变火。龙变化多端，能大能小，能隐能现。

The number of claws or toes of a dragon is no minor matter. It has a connotation of social class status. In the Zhou Dynasty, the 5-clawed dragon was assigned to the Son of Heaven, the 4-clawed dragon to the nobles, and the 3-clawed dragon to the ministers.
龙的爪子大有文章，龙爪(趾)数量的多少象征着阶级地位的不同。早在周朝，就有"五爪天子、四爪诸侯、三爪大夫"之说。

From the Yuan Dynasty, 5-clawed dragons were reserved for emperors only. The 4- or 3-clawed dragon was used by lower ranks and the general public.
自元代起，五爪龙的造型只有皇帝可以使用，下臣和百姓只能用四爪或三爪龙的图案。

【龙的职能】
Chinese dragons are strongly associated with water in popular belief. They are believed to be the rulers of moving bodies of water, such as rivers, lakes or seas.
在老百姓心目中，龙与水密不可分，它们能够控制江河湖海等各种水体。

Because of this association, they are seen as "in charge" of water-related weather phenomenon. In pre-modern times, many villages had temples dedicated to their local "dragon king". In times of drought or flooding, the community would offer sacrifices to appease the dragon, either to ask for rain, or a cessation thereof.
也正因如此，龙被奉为司云布雨的神灵。在古代，许多村庄都建造了供奉着当地龙王的庙宇。每逢旱涝，百姓们便献食祭祀，祈求龙王降雨抗旱或避风退洪。

In Chinese palaces, we can sometimes see dragon-head scuppers(排水口) on the base of the walls. This is because people believe dragons control water and they hope the dragon-head scuppers can help their drainage system work better. So nowadays, faucets, in Chinese, are called "Shuilongtou" which means "Water Dragon's Head."
在中国古代宫殿的墙角通常可见龙头形状的排水口，因为人们相信龙能治水，可帮助顺利排水。这也是为什么现在有"水龙头"一说。

【帝王之龙】
Historically, the dragon was the symbol of the emperor of China. According to legend, both of China's earliest emperors, Yandi and Huangdi, were closely related to the dragon.
自古以来，龙就是中国帝王的象征。在民间传说中，中国最早的皇帝，炎帝和黄帝都与龙有着密切联系。

At the end of his reign, Huangdi was said to have ridden on a dragon, and ascended to heaven. The other legendary emperor, Yandi was born from his mother's telepathy with a mythic dragon.
相传黄帝在其统治末期，乘龙而升天。而传说中的另一位帝王――炎帝，则是由母亲与神龙交相感应而生。

Since the Chinese consider Huangdi and Yandi as their ancestors, they sometimes refer to themselves as "the descendants of the dragon". This legend also contributed towards the use of the Chinese dragon as a symbol of imperial power.
由于中国人视黄、炎二帝为祖先，这才有了"龙的传人"这一说法。基于这类传说，龙逐渐成为了皇权的象征。

【龙生九子】
According to Ming Dynasty texts, the Chinese dragon has 9 offspring. Each of them has different interests. Their shapes are used as ornaments according to their nature.
根据明代文献记载，龙生九子，各有不同。人们根据它们的天性喜好，将它们的形象装饰在各种建筑、器物上。

Pulao, which like to cry, are represented on the tops of bells, serving as handles.
蒲牢：平生好鸣，它的头像被用作大钟的钟纽；
Chiwen, which like swallowing, are placed on both ends of the ridgepoles of roofs to "swallow fire".
螭吻：平生好吞，被装饰在屋脊正脊两端，用以辟除火灾；
Qiuniu, which like music, are used to adorn 2-stringed violins.
囚牛：性喜音乐，其形为胡琴琴杆上的刻像；
Yazi, which like to kill, serve as ornaments of sword-grips.(See photo)
睚眦：平生好杀，喜血腥之气，其形为刀柄上所刻之兽像；
Chaofeng, which like precipices, are placed on the corners of roofs.
嘲风：喜好冒险，被置于殿角；
Bixi, which like to carry heavy objects, are placed under grave-monuments.
��：平生好负重，被安放在碑座下驮载石碑；
Bi'an, tiger-like beasts which like litigation, are placed over prison gates.
狴犴：平生好讼，是狱门上虎头形的装饰；
Suanni, which like to sit down, are represented upon the bases of Buddhist idols.
狻猊：平生喜静好坐，因此被用作佛座脚部的装饰；
Fuxi, which are fond of literature, are represented on the sides of grave-monuments.
负�：平生好文，石碑两旁的文龙就是它。

The dragon occupies a very important position in Chinese mythology. There are still many tales to tell about the charismatic creature. It shows up in Chinese arts, poetry, songs and architecture. It leaves its footprints on the thousands of years of Chinese history, and is now deeply rooted in every Chinese person's heart.
龙在中国古代神话中占据着极其重要的位置，关于龙的传说还有很多很多。在中国的艺术作品中，诗词歌赋里，建筑装饰上，无处不见龙的身影。龙在中国的悠久历史中深深烙下它的足印，历经数千年的沉淀，早已根植于每一个中国人的心中。

A Letter to my Future Self

2012-01-12T21:46:00.001+08:00

In 1994 I wrote a letter. I stuck it in an envelope, put it away and completely forgot about it.

It wasn't until we moved into our new home in 2006 that I found it again. It was addressed to me with explicit instructions not to open until my birthday 2005. It was now 2006 so I decided to open it. This is what it said:

Dear Sherri

By the time you read this you will be 30. At the age of 18 I had so many hopes and dreams about where you'd be, what you'd be doing and with whom you'd spend your life with.

Right now I hope that you have traveled and seen everything you've always wanted to, both in Canada and overseas, and maybe even settled down somewhere in Australia doing some research in the field of biology (genetics).

I hope you're married to the man of your dreams. The man of mine is Gwynn. He is originally from South Africa (another place I wish to visit).

You'll probably have two children of your own – a girl(Michaela Anne) and a boy (name yet to be decided).

If everything goes according to plan you'll be living in Australia in a big house in a small town outside of a big city with a lot of land, a dog, Gwynn and your two beautiful children. Hopefully you have a career in the medical field, maybe doing research in genetics. Gwynn will be a computer programmer and you will be doing alright for yourselves.

However, if things don't go according to plan for you, I wish you all the love, happiness and joy in the world and don't settle for anything less than the best since that is absolutely what you deserve.

Live long, be happy and live life to it's fullest.

Love Sherri "18″

When I read this for the first time since writing it I was floored. Even now having dug this up again another 4 years later I still can't help but think this is really cool.

So much of what I wanted for myself has materialized.

I did travel to a few more places in Canada although I haven't seen everything I'd like to.
I did marry the man of my dreams and yes he still is my one and only.
I've traveled to the UK, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand.
I lived in Australia for nearly 4 years in a big house, in a small suburb, in a major city (close enough).
I had a career in Biology in the field of genetics for 10 years.
I have two lovely kids – both boys (names now decided).
I have not one dog but two dogs. Both yellow labs from Australia.
Gwynn is a computer programmer.
We are doing okay for ourselves.

After writing this I quickly forgot about what I had put in here actually. The things that materialized were all met with quite a bit of resistance (all internal) but I suppose these were things that I really did want. Having never strayed too far from home overseas travel was a huge deal. Having never been away from my family moving to Australia for several years was an incredibly huge decision.

I find it fascinating how the dreams of a young and naive little girl can become a grown woman's reality.

I'm curious if you guys have ever written anything to your future self and how it stacks up to your current reality. If you haven't, will you join me in writing a letter now to yourself in say 10 years from now? It's an interesting little experiment.

Enjoy the coffee instead

2011-12-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

A group of graduates got together to visit their old university professor.

The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and a variety of cups—porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain-looking, some expensive, some exquisite—telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said,

"If you have noticed, all the nice-looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. "

"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. "

"What all of you really want is coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

"Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! Don't let the cups drive you ... enjoy the coffee instead."

Happy Birthday

2011-11-29T21:44:00.001+08:00

I like birthdays. I like fuss, a grand gesture. X can't understand the fuss. It's about upbringing, I think: his parents unceremoniously hand him something – not even wrapped – at some point within a few months of the date. I'm fairly sure they don't know when it is. For me, birthdays mean surprises, parties, over-excited children blowing out candles on sponge cakes. Like pencil marks on the wall, they are the backbone around which you hang family rituals. Birthdays are also a way to make up for the failings – perceived or real – of the past 12 months.

We didn't have the stomach for the last round. Absorbed in our own misery, X and I lumped the boys' birthday parties together, a swiftly expedited afternoon in a soft-play centre, a swiss roll with candles. It's hardly the stuff of misery memoirs, but it made me sad.

Now a year has passed and birthday season is upon us, for the first time as a separated family. The boys' birthdays are close together and it feels like a milestone; I want to do it right. On top of my normal birthday fixation, I know the last weeks have been very hard for the children. I am scarcely mother of the year at the moment: I have made no headway in trying to find a new job, which scares me stupid, and am still bruised and shocked from the accident. My temper is short and I cry a lot. I've seen a naked look of worry in the eldest's eyes and felt powerless to make it go away.

It's the youngest's birthday first. He takes after his father in this: he's not really bothered. He likes presents, of course, but doesn't have my – or his brother's –need to turn the day into a Busby Berkeley musical with a firework finale. Even so, I am determined to do it properly, to crank out the old family rituals and create new ones. He'll be at X's on the morning of his birthday, mine in the evening. We've said we'll have dinner together, agreed who should get him which present.

In preparation for the big day, I bring out the stalwart Women's Weekly cake book and canvass his opinion. "So which cake would you like? A robot? A train? A spider? I don't think I'd be very good at the castle but I'll give it a try."

He deflates my ambitions. "I just want a plain square one."

"Are you sure? That's easy. With sweets on it?"

He purses his lips in thought. "Ok." I think he's humouring me. I prod him further, and he chooses something for his birthday dinner, something he has every week. I rather admire how matter of fact he is. He's one of those children that asks for a calculator and a toothbrush for Christmas.

While he's at his father's, I make a square cake. I sneak his age on to the top in Smarties, then make another for school, with chocolate fudge icing. I wrap his presents and write his card. It's very quiet in the empty house and I don't have to hide the cake in a cupboard, or issue dire "Don't come into my bedroom!" warnings. There's no sense of anticipation, and I don't like it. It's even worse in the morning, the first time in years I haven't been woken at five on a birthday morning by an over-excited child. I don't want to do this again, I think, as I take the foil wrapped cake up the road to school.

The evening is better. I collect the boys from school and he opens his presents. Later, X comes round and builds some Lego while I make the requested boring dinner. We eat and then we light the candles, blow them out, take the obligatory pictures. The youngest is smiling his small, careful smile in them. It feels like a birthday, at last. We both need to be there, it turns out: after all, we both made him.

We'll know for next time.

Lie to me

2011-11-19T21:30:00.001+08:00

Everyone tells a lie on occasion. Some lies save relationships, some
ease a hectic situation, and others buy us time. Men lie to women.
Women lie to men. The fib "I had no signal" is said to be one of the
most common lies. You agree? Here we present some of the most popular
and interesting lies.
每个人都说过谎。一个恰当的谎言可能会挽回一段恋情，化解一个尴尬场面，或是为我们赢得宝贵的时间。男人对女人说谎，女人也对男人说谎。据说人们最爱拿"手机没信号"当借口了，你同意吗？今天我们就精心挑选了一些最常见最有趣的谎言跟大家一起分享。

[女人篇]
There are crucial differences in the lies women and men tell. A study
by a psychologist at the University of Virginia found that when women
lie, they tend to focus on making others feel better.
在编造谎言方面，女人与男人存在很大区别。弗吉尼亚大学一位心理学家的研究显示，女人撒谎主要是为了照顾对方的感受。

1.Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.
没事儿，我挺好的。
2.I won't get mad if you say I look fat.
你说我胖我也不会生气。
3.It doesn't bother me when you check out other women.
我不介意你盯着其他女人看。
4.I don't care how much money you have.
我并不在乎你有多少钱。
5.You're right.
你说得对。
6.I love sports.
我喜欢运动。
7.I wouldn't change a thing about you.
我不想改变你任何方面。
8.It's what I've always wanted.(See photo)
这个(礼物)正是我一直想要的。

[男人篇]
Compared with women, at the heart of many men's lies, however, is the
male ego. Men lie to build themselves up or to conceal something, the
study shows.
研究显示，比较而言，男人撒谎的根本出发点源自男性自我的一面：或是为了树立高大形象，或是为了掩饰。

1.I like your friends.
我喜欢你那些朋友。
2.You don't look fat in that dress.
你穿那条裙子不显胖。
3.Yes, I cleaned up already.
是的，我已经打扫过了。
4.She's just my friend. Stop doubting please.
她就是我的一个普通朋友，别瞎想了。
5.I love your cooking.
我爱吃你做的饭。
6.I'm not a jealous guy.
我不是一个好吃醋的人。
7.You look great in anything you wear.
你穿什么都好看。
8.I'll come shopping with you because I like to spend time with you.
我陪你一起逛街吧，我喜欢跟你呆在一起。
9.I only had two drinks.(See photo)
我就喝了两杯而已。

[手机篇]
Phone is building bridges between people, but it is also building ever
stronger walls since some use it to cover themselves.
手机给人与人之间的沟通提供了便利，但它有时也成为一种更坚固的壁垒，因为经常有人用它来为自己掩护。

1.My phone was on silent.
我电话当时设的静音。
2.I wrote your number down incorrectly.
我记错你号码了。
3.I'll call you.
我会给你打电话的。
4.Sorry, I missed your call.
对不起，没接着你电话。
5.I'll phone you back in a minute.
我待会儿给你打回去。
6.I've got a call on the other line.
又有人给我打进电话来了。
7.My battery died.
电池没电了。
8.I didn't get your text.
我没收到你的短信。
9.I had no signal.(See photo)
手机那会儿没信号。

[事业篇]
People around you may give you awful advice. They try to protect you
by shielding you from the possibility of failure, which also shields
you from the possibility of making your dreams a reality.
身边的人给你的热心建议可能并非都是"忠言"。他们试图保护你，使你远离任何失败的风险。殊不知，这样一来，你通往实现梦想的路也被堵死了。

1.You're totally screwed if it doesn't work out.
这事儿要是不成你就完了。
2.That's impossible.
那是不可能的。
3.Only a lucky few "make it."
只有少数的幸运儿才能成功。
4.You need more money saved before you can take the first step.
你需要再多攒些钱才能开始行动。
5.It's safer to stay at your day job.
还是继续做你现在的工作保险点儿。
6.You might fail. And failing is bad.
你可能会失败，后果会很糟糕。
7.You don't have access to the right resources.(See photo)
你没有通往成功所需的有利资源。

[其它]
1.The table will be ready in 5 minutes.
五分钟以后就开饭。
2.Things would have been different if I was there.
我当时要是在场就好了，肯定会是另外一个结果。
3.Yeah, I'll start working on that ASAP.
好的，我尽快去办。
4.If you tell me the truth, you won't get in trouble.
你跟我实话实说，我保你没事儿。
5.I have read and agreed to the Terms of Service.
我已阅读并同意遵守以上服务条款。

Five Things You Can Start Doing Today to Change Your Life

2011-11-18T16:26:00.000+08:00

"Everything is something you decide to do, and there is nothing you have to do."
Denis Waitley

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything."
Win Borden

Hey!

Perhaps the most important thing you can do to improve your life is simply to do things. To take action and learn along the way.

Here are five suggestions for "do-habits" that are very helpful to adopt to radically improve your life.

1. Do it first thing in the morning.

How you start your day tends to have a big influence on that day. It sets the context in your mind. I believe that one key to better consistency and improvement in your life is what you do early in the day. Two ways to get a good start to your day are these:
Do the hardest/ most important/ most uncomfortable thing first in your day. If you start your day by doing it you will feel relieved. You feel relaxed and good about yourself. And the rest of the day - and your to-do list - tends to feel a lot lighter and easier to move through. It's amazing what difference this one action makes.
Start small. To get from a state where you just feel like sitting on your chair and doing nothing much to one where you take action over and over you can do this: start small. Getting started with your biggest task or most difficult action may seem too much and land you in Procrastinationland. So instead, start with something that doesn't seem so hard. One of my favorites is simply to take a few minutes to clean my desk. After that the next thing doesn't seem so difficult to get started with since I'm now in a more of a "take action" kind of mode. Experiment with this one and the previous tip and see which one that suits you the best. Or mix them up as you wish.

2. Do it one more time.

Don't give up too soon. It is very easy to give into feeling that you done something enough times and it will never work. You have tried it as many times as you would expect people to do. But these expectations I believe are often a bit unrealistic.

Society, TV and advertising tell us that there is an almost instant solution to any of our problems. You can easily lose 30 pounds within a month. Or with little work and time invested have another extra 20 000 dollars in the bank.

So it is not unreasonable to think that success will come quickly. But instead of doing something as many times as you think others have done it, talk to and read about people who have actually done what you want to do. This will give you a more realistic picture of reality.

Oftentimes you may have to do it more than one more time. But I have often found that doing it just one more time, doing it that extra time even though you may start to feel that this won't work, can bring the results you want in many cases. I actually feel a little bit of excitement sometimes when I feel like giving up because then I remember that at this point success is often not that far away.

3. Do the unusual thing.

When faced with a choice in your daily life, step back for a minute and think. Then take the option that is and feels unusual for you.

If you often back down just don't for this one time. If you are often get into arguments with people then just this one time don't and instead just let it go or treat the other person with kindness. Do the opposite of what you usually do and see what happens (while using common sense of course). Do something new and something you wouldn't expect from yourself.

This is a fun a great way to get new experiences and learn things you wouldn't if you kept going like you usually do.

Getting stuck in the same old routine until it becomes a rut can suck the life out of you. Doing the unusual thing in small and big situations, no matter how it goes, is a great way to feel alive again.

4. Do less.

How do you find time to do what you really want? How do you not get caught up in minor tasks and fill you day with them?

By setting limits. By being a bit ruthless and cutting down on the least important stuff. At some point you will probably have to be honest with yourself and realize that you can never fit all that you want into your day or week. Something has to go. Not only because it takes up time. But also because you only have so much energy, focus and creativity available during your day. If spend it on the less important things then all of that will be gone each day before you get to the big stuff.

It may not be fun to give up a couple of those TV-shows or hanging out on Facebook. But to make room for something new you sometimes have throw out a couple of old things.

5. Do your best.

Why should you do your best? Why not coast a bit and do just what is expected?

Three reasons:
You get better results. Sometimes immediately. Often not right away, but as all your awesome work adds up you start to see new and exciting results.
You raise your self-esteem. When you do what you think is the right thing - like doing your best - then your self-esteem goes up. If you just coast then you tend to feel kinda lame about yourself. So do awesome work and you feel awesome about yourself. Do OK work and feel OK about yourself.
Deservedness. When you feel awesome about yourself you do also feel like you deserve more in life. So you go after it and you won't self-sabotage as much when opportunities pop up.

From: http://www.positivityblog.com/

A happy marriage

2011-11-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

A man and his girlfriend were married. It was a large celebration.

All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. All had a wonderful time. The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife came to the husband with a proposal, "I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage," she offered. "Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."

The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with. The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it, enough to fill three pages. In fact, as she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husband's eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing," the husband replied, "keep reading your list."

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over the top of it.

"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists," she said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don't want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you." The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

In life, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them. We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise. Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

The sense of drames

2011-10-29T00:51:00.001+08:00

Preparing to sit an exam we're not prepared for, or our teeth falling
out...Our dream world throws up bizarre and confusing images that make
little sense.
惊醒！梦见自己坐在考场里两眼一抹黑? 或者……牙怎么突然掉了? 这些奇奇怪怪的梦境让人不知所措，真是大伤脑筋！
After analyzing more than 100,000 dreams, a British scientist has
found that dreams reflect fundamental life patterns and, by
understanding them, you can see your life in a new light.
一位英国科学家在对超过10万个梦境案例分析后得出结论：梦境是真实生活的写照。如果理解了梦境的含义，说不定能让生活重现曙光呢！

【梦境1：被追】
YOU'RE BEING CHASED

You find yourself being pursued by something or someone you feel is
going to harm you. No matter how fast you run, or where you hide, you
can't escape them.
梦见有东西狂追自己，说不清是人是鬼，总觉得再跑慢点就会挂掉! 可是无论跑多快，无论藏到哪里，就是摆脱不了。这是为什么?

*解梦*
Whatever is chasing you is an aspect of yourself, which is why you
cannot escape it.
无论后面追你的是什么，其实就是你自己，这就是为什么你怎么逃也逃不掉的原因(悲催)。

It represents a part of you or a situation you are scared to confront.
Identify what is causing tension in your waking life. It might seem
easier to avoid it but, you need to be assertive and resolve it.
你目前是不是不敢面对自己或正身处困境，而选择逃避? 首先静下心来想一想，到底生活中有什么事情让你如此困扰! 逃避似乎更容易，但最好的办法还是挺直腰板去面对它吧!

【梦境2：掉牙】
YOUR TEETH FALL OUT

You notice that some of your teeth are becoming loose and starting to
fall out. Or your teeth crumble into powder. You might also be looking
in the mirror and realize your teeth are decayed or that you have
grown vampire fangs.
梦里，突然感觉牙齿松动脱落，或者碎成粉末。照照镜子，牙齿怎么烂成这个鬼样子? 乖乖，连吸血鬼的尖牙都长出来了!

*解梦*
You show your teeth when you smile and when you bite, so they reflect
how self-assured and assertive you feel. Teeth falling out indicates
that a situation is causing you to lose confidence. Vampire teeth
indicate you are relying on other people to provide your
self-assurance.
想想什么时候才能露出牙齿? 微笑? 咬东西? 所以，梦到牙齿跟你的自信和坚定程度有很大关系! 梦到牙齿脱落，暗指你的自信心被打击了!
梦到自己长出吸血鬼牙齿，说明你在依靠别人来获取自信。

You should be more confident in whatever situation is challenging you.
Rather than seeing the unknown as a threat,relish it as a challenge.
面对困境，自信一点吧! 虽然未知很可怕，但当作挑战来enjoy一下也是不错的。

【梦境三：找不到厕所怎么办?】
YOU CAN'T FIND A LOO

You are desperate for the toilet. The only ones you can find are in
strange places or in public view. You might find yourself in a queue
and when you finally get there, the toilet is unusable.
急啊，就是找不到厕所怎么办? 或者找到的厕所全是在那些奇奇怪怪的地方，有的甚至在公共场合！？即使找到厕所，不是队排得老长，就是根本不能用(坑爹啊)。

*解梦*
You have a need you are unable to express. Queuing means you hope your
needs will be met if you look after other people's wants. But the best
way to resolve this situation is to put yourself first. This may seem
selfish, but it is much easier to look after other people's needs when
you attend your own.
这说明你内心深处有不能表达的欲望。排队意味着你有着这样的期望：如果先满足了别人的需要，自己也会得到满足。但解决问题的最好办法，就是把自己放在第一位。这样听起来有点自私，但其实当你努力实现了自己的愿望时，满足别人的需求也会变得容易的多。

【梦境4：发现自己在街上一丝不挂?】
YOU'RE NAKED IN PUBLIC

You are surprised to find yourself naked in a public place and are
making frantic attempts to shield your body. Everyone else is fully
dressed but they don't seem to notice your condition.
你惊讶地发现自己在公共场合一丝不挂，并且发了疯似的想要遮掩自己的身体。与此同时，其他人都衣着整齐，而且貌似没有注意到你有任何异常。

*解梦*
You feel vulnerable and exposed, perhaps in a new job or relationship.
No one sees your nakedness because you seem secure and confident to
them. The dream usually indicates a positive and healthy progression
in our lives, as we are being invited to step into unfamiliar
territory and display our talents. It might be nerve-racking, but
express your true self without thinking about how people are judging
you.
这说明你对于眼前的新工作或新恋情，感到脆弱无助。周遭人士对你的裸体毫不在意，说明在他们眼中，你足够强大自信。这种梦境其实暗示你目前状态不错，尤其是到了新环境要施展才华的时候。虽然这很让人伤脑筋，但是抛弃世俗的眼光，勇敢地表现你自己吧!

【梦境5：这是考哪门子试?】
YOU'RE UNPREPARED FOR AN EXAM

You are sitting an important exam but are shocked to realize you have
done no studying. It's too late to do anything and you are
disappointed.
梦见自己坐在考场里参加一场重要考试，但面对考卷却脑袋空空，大惊失色。但为时已晚，追悔莫及。

*解梦*
Your lack of preparation shows you usually prepare meticulously for
every task. You set yourself high standards and feel a constant
anxiety that you will end up with a poor result. But it's not others
that are judging - it's you.
这其实暗示了你在做任何事情时都准备得事无巨细。你对自己高标准要求，常常感到焦虑，害怕自己最后搞砸。其实根本没有人会说三道四，是你自己放不开。

When you judge yourself too harshly, you will feel like a failure, no
matter how successful you are. The best way to move on from this dream
is to consider what makes you happiest and most fulfilled in life.

【梦境6: 咦? 我怎么飞起来了?】
YOU'RE FLYING

First you have the sensation of floating, then you soar into the sky
and fly through the air. You have a tremendous feeling of
exhilaration.
你感觉自己飘起来了，然后直冲云霄，享受畅游在空中的感觉。是不是觉得很爽呢?

*解梦*
You have been released from circumstances that were weighing you down.
You are free of constraints, making you feel "as free as a bird".
Although you may regard this feeling of liberation as luck, you
created the opportunity yourself. Consider other chances in your life
where you could go off into the realms of new possibilities.
这暗示你刚刚从很郁闷的状态中解脱出来。现在的你无拘无束，就像一只自由的小鸟。或许你把这一切归功于运气好。但这自由，却是你亲手创造出来的。尝试一下其它机会吧，说不定在别的领域又是一番新天地呢。

【梦境7：失重跌倒或摔下去】
YOU'RE FALLING

Everything seems normal, but then you suddenly feel your legs give way
as you stumble and fall. Sometimes the fall is minor, other times you
tumble downstairs or plummet off a cliff into a chasm.
周遭一切都看起来很正常，但突然自己腿一软就一头栽了下去。这还算轻的，有时甚至是从楼上摔下去，甚至从悬崖摔落到山间裂缝中。

*解梦*
This signifies a fear of losing control. Falling suggests you need to
let go of responsibilities that are dragging you down. This dream is
often triggered by stress and so is encouraging you to take a more
relaxed approach in certain areas of your life. Try relaxing your
muscles before going to bed.
这映射了你对失去控制的恐惧。是不是身上的担子太重了才会让你如此不堪?
如果梦境中出现类似情况，大多是因为压力引起，所以还是没有必要把自己逼太紧! 试着在睡觉之前放松下肌肉吧。

【梦境8：车失去控制，怎么办?】
YOU'RE IN AN OUT-OF-CONTROL VEHICLE

You are in a vehicle that is spinning out of control. You desperately
try to slow down because you are scared of crashing.
疾驶在路上的车失去了控制! 你发了疯的想减速，谁也不想撞车!

*解梦*
You're thinking about the path you are taking in life, usually in your
career. An imminent crash shows you are going to be in contact or
conflict with something unavoidable. Rather than abandoning your
present position, consider the areas where you do have control. Don't
be afraid to ask others for help; they can help you get back into the
driver's seat. Accept there are some situations over which you have no
control.
这说明你在重新权衡你现在选择的道路，通常是事业上的选择。即将发生的车祸暗指你马上会跟不能避免的情况打交道，甚至产生冲突。先不要放弃你目前的选择，看看周遭还有什么是在你控制之下的。困难当头，应该及时向他人求救，他们可以帮你步入正轨。记住，人不可能一切尽在掌握，接受现实吧。

【梦境9：发现神秘房间】
YOU DISCOVER AN UNUSED ROOM

You are walking through your house when you notice a door you haven't
seen before. You open it to find a room you had completely forgotten
about.
你在自己的房子里游荡，突然发现一扇从未见过的门。打开门看到的房间让你一点印象都没有。

*解梦*
Homes in dreams symbolize ourselves and different rooms are aspects of
our character. The unnoticed door indicates you have a chance to step
into an exciting new possibility. The size of the room reflects the
size of the chance. You might think you know your achievements and
limitations, but you have talents you have yet to discover. Be open to
even the most unexpected opportunities.
梦里的家就是我们自己，而不同的房间则代表我们个性的不同方面。一扇你从未见过的门暗示你将有机会踏入崭新的领域。房间大小不同，机遇大小也不同。也许你知道自己这么多年的得失是什么，但你身上还有尚待挖掘的闪光点。即使是最不可能的机会，也不要轻易放过！

【梦境10：梦见自己迟到了!】
YOU'RE LATE

You are on your way to an appointment and realize you are late. You
keep looking at the clock and are alarmed at time passing. You feel as
if you'll never get where you need to be.
在赴约的路上，你发现自己迟到了。你不断看表，但时间过得飞快，你感觉似乎永远也到达不了目的地。

*解梦*
You are worried you are missing an opportunity and that time is
running out to carry out a plan, such as starting a family or
achieving a career goal. Commit to meaningful action rather than
involving yourself in meaningless action. Once a decision has been
made, your direction will become clear and your time becomes your own,
rather than being subject to the whims of what is happening around
you.
你担心自己错过某个机会，或者执行某个计划的时间不够了，比如组建家庭或达到某个事业上的目标。还是把心思放在有意义的行动上吧，别做无用功了。一旦做出决定，方向也就明确，时间也就完全变成你自己的了。千万不要把时间花在那些有的没的上面。

Selling My Mother's Dresses

2011-10-24T20:19:00.000+08:00

I like to think that a bit of her laughter, sense of wonder and fun travels with them and that any tears or sadness are long since washed away.

I moved from Chicago to Brooklyn in July of 2004, just in time to watch my mother die. That wasn't why I moved back. She was supposed to be getting better; the chemo was working. I came because I'd rented an apartment with Jay, this cute guy I'd started dating, who was originally from New York too. But a week after pulling up in a U-Haul, I found myself cleaning out my childhood home with my siblings. Our parents were both gone now; anything that we couldn't take with us had to fit in a 20-cubic-yard Dumpster.

I could barely squeeze the little I saved into the one-bedroom Jay and I shared. I didn't even try to unpack the boxes of my parents' books, the bags of my mom's dresses. Jay (who held me up at the funeral and painted our place all my favorite colors and quickly proved to be much more than just a cute guy) had to shimmy sideways to get between my father's easy chair and my mother's broken desk. I was claustrophobic from the mountains of photos and misplaced knickknacks, and yet I found myself drawn to someone else's castoffs. We hadn't lived there more than a month and already I was claustrophobic from the mountains of photos and misplaced knickknacks. So it made no sense when, out walking one Saturday later that summer, something caught my eye ― a pale green scrap of fabric ― and suddenly I was steering Jay toward someone else's castoffs. My first stoop sale.

Laid out on the pavement was a batik scarf with dangling earrings, glass candle-holders, a small wooden jewelry box, books from Heidegger to Nora Ephron, a videotape of "Risky Business." Draped on the wrought iron fence behind: a tan knit shawl, a few pairs of jeans, a green cotton dress with buttons that looked like the inside of a seashell. I'd never owned anything green, but I had to feel those buttons between my fingers, the cotton so thin it was maybe two washes away from disintegration.

"You can try it on if you want. There's a mirror over by the tree."

I looked up to find her face. I'd inspected all of her things without even saying hello.

I saw a smile that was working hard. Her skin was pale; her shoulders thin and her hair cut very short. Or was it new peach fuzz, just growing in?

I was at once embarrassed and humbled. I'd thought people who hosted stoop sales just had too many clothes or were looking to cash in on some scratched records. But there was something else happening here. This woman looked like she was getting rid of a past she didn't need or want. A dress that was too big for her. A chest of drawers that took up too much space, space she needed, maybe, to heal or grow.

"Thanks," I whispered. I wasn't planning on buying anything really, but now I needed to, to show her that I appreciated her things and would give them a safe home. I paid her 20 bucks for her green dress, her wooden jewelry box and her blue candle-holder.

From that day on, I became devoted to stoop sales. Some of my favorite things ― including the sundress I'm wearing today and the Winnie the Pooh car that Jay is pushing our daughter in ― are from someone else's life. I find no joy in shopping at regular stores anymore. I've been known to break down in cranky tears by the checkout of Ikea. I'd love to say I'm trying to speak out against sweatshop conditions or conserve thread. But it's much more selfish than that. I love trying to sniff out a memory from a bud vase or a favorite song from a case of L.P.'s. The stains and broken switches, the bend in the knee of an old pair of jeans. Sometimes I just want to look at how many Mason jars one person can collect and imagine what they might've held. It's comforting to know that someone has breathed and laughed inside a sweater before me. That I am part of a continuum.

I have great respect for people who organize stoop sales. It must be an emotional way to spend your weekend. Arranging your history on a card table so strangers can snoop and evaluate. There's also a certain freedom and recklessness to putting a price tag on an ex's mix CD or "The Marx-Engels Reader" you never read in college and are finally ready to admit you never will.

I am very big on purging my own things. Every few weeks I drop off a load of clothes at the resale shop around the corner or cart a stack of books to the curb. The more I read about Buddhism while the stock market dips and flips, the more I feel like I have to practice non-attachment. Maybe it has to do with losing my parents at a young age. Maybe I can't bond with anyone or anything without also seeing us eventually separated. Whatever the cause, I know that once I love a scarf or shirt too dearly, it needs to find a new home. Even that green dress ― which I turned into a blouse after deciding it made me look like a celery stalk ― is long gone by now.

The one thing I haven't been able to do is manage my own stoop sale. I've come close. A few weeks ago, I carried the last of my mother's dresses to a friend's stoop. These were Mom's best items ― strong taffetas and feathered collars, cream brocade and lavender chiffon. My mother was elegant, whether she was in a tailored suit or her limp blue bathrobe. I tried to remind myself of this as I watched, from the park across the way, for hours, those dresses wilt on the cement stair. The sidewalks were crowded with iced coffees and farmers' market gladioluses. Nobody even glanced at my mother's finery.

"C'mon," I finally said to my 2-year-old daughter. I pulled her out of the swings. "I'm going to show you Grandma Joanie's dresses."

Grandma Joanie is just a name to my daughter. Even when I show her pictures, there is no perfumed hug or ice cream afternoon to make her a real person. And those dresses were equally meaningless to her. Empty pieces of hot fabric that were once worn by the most important person in my life. For all my hours with Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings on letting go, I still hold on tightly sometimes, whether I want to or not. I still think her stuff is as sacred as her memory.

I did not buy back my mother's things.

I did not pick up her skirt that was dusting the sidewalk.

Instead, I bought a new/used raincoat for $10, put my daughter on my shoulders, and walked us a new route home.

Attitude Is Everything

2011-10-09T16:05:00.000+08:00

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, 'Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, "He's a dead man." "I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes," I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Bullets!"

Over their laughter, I told them. "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

The nicknames of English Premier League clubs

2011-10-05T10:53:00.001+08:00

Loyal supporters of English Premier League often pride themselves on their nicknames, but do you really know the origin of them? Do you know the origins of the Baggies, Gunners, Red Devils, Toffees, Trotters and Lilywhites? Let's take a closer look at some of the interesting stories behind some of the Premier League clubs' nicknames.
英超各个俱乐部的死忠球迷总是因他们所爱球队的昵称而骄傲万分，但是你真的知晓那些昵称的来头么？你知道灯笼裤、枪手、红魔、太妃糖、快马以及白百合等昵称的起源么？让我们走近英超各队，了解他们昵称背后的有趣故事吧。

> Arsenal � The Gunners
阿森纳：枪手
Like many, Arsenal's nickname goes right back to when the club was originally founded. Way back in 1886, workers at Woolwich Arsenal Armaments Factory decided to start a football club called Dial Square. The club was renamed as Woolwich Arsenal before dropping the prefix in 1913, but their original connection with the armament industry remains and the name "Gunners" is now synonymous with the club.
阿森纳的昵称可以追溯至俱乐部成立之初，这与许多俱乐部并无二致。1886年，伍尔维奇军械制造厂的工人们决定成立一家名为"戴尔广场"的足球俱乐部，不久工人们便将俱乐部更名为"伍尔维奇阿森纳"(编者注："阿森纳"在英文意为"兵工厂")，1913年，"伍尔维奇"的前缀被去掉，遂变成如今的"阿森纳"。即便如此，阿森纳俱乐部与军工业的原有联系还是得以留存，如今"枪手"已经成为阿森纳的代名词。

> Bolton Wanderers – Trotters 博尔顿漫游者：快马

There are a few explanations for this name. One explanation claims that the term Wanderers implies a side is willing to travel great distances for victory. The term Trotters is simply a variation. Another explanation claims that the Trotters nickname originates because people from Bolton have a reputation for being practical jokers. Pranksters are known locally as Trotters. The most bizarre explanation claims that an old ground was built next to a pig farm and stray balls would end up with the pigs.对于这一昵称有多种解释。一种解释认为"漫游者"意味着球队为了获胜不惜长途跋涉，"快马"只是"漫游者"的另一种说法。另一种解释称，博尔顿居民以爱恶搞而闻名英伦，而搞恶作剧者在当地被称为"快马"。最无厘头的解释则是，由于当地一座老球场的旁边即是一个养猪场，球员射偏的皮球常常会落入猪群之中，故球队得一雅号"猪蹄"。（编者注："Trotter"在英文中亦有猪蹄之意。）

> Everton – The Toffees 埃弗顿：太妃糖

This famous nickname comes after a local candy shop known as Mother Noblett' sold and advertized the Everton confectionary. The shop is located opposite Prince Rupert's Tower, which forms the majority of the Everton crest.这一闻名遐迩的昵称源自埃弗顿当地一家名为"Mother Noblett"的甜品店，该店主要宣传和售卖埃弗顿特产的薄荷糖，它位于鲁伯特王子塔的对面，而此塔正是埃弗顿队徽的主要组成部分。

> Fulham – Cottagers 富勒姆：佃农

This nickname originates from the famous cottage which is an iconic part of Fulham's Craven Cottage ground.该昵称源自富勒姆主场"克拉文农舍球场"中大名鼎鼎的"农舍"，它也是该球场极具特色的重要组成部分。

> Liverpool – The Reds 利物浦：红军

A nickname which doesn't take too much explanation. When Liverpool adopted the city's color of red as the color of their strip, the nickname of the Reds simply followed on.这是一个无需详述的昵称。红色是利物浦市的市色，利物浦足球队的队服也沿袭了这一颜色，而"红军"也理所应当地成为了球队的昵称。

> Newcastle United – Magpies/The Toon 纽卡斯尔：喜鹊

The ToonThe name Magpies originates from the club's iconic black and white striped kit, whereas "The Toon" comes from a local pronunciation of town."喜鹊"源于纽卡那件著名的黑白相间的球衣；而"The Toon"则是纽卡斯尔当地方言中"小镇"的发音。

> Stoke City – Potters 斯托克城：陶瓷工

A fairly straightforward nickname that originates from the large connection with the pottery industry in North Staffordshire.此昵称简洁易懂，源自球队与北斯塔福德郡的密切联系，该地制陶工业十分发达。

> Sunderland – The Black Cats 桑德兰：黑猫

In 1997 when Sunderland moved to the Stadium of Light, the club's supporters were given the opportunity to vote on the club's official nickname. With 11,000 votes the club announced their official nickname as "The Black Cats". The historical link with black cats goes way back to the 1800s with a River Weir artillery base named "Black Cat Battery". This name reportedly developed after a member of the local militia who was manning the station fled after thinking a black cat was a devil incarnate because of the howling wind and full moon at the time.1997年，桑德兰将主场搬至光明球场，球迷也随之被赋予了票选球队官方昵称的权利，最后，"黑猫"以1.1万票胜出。"黑猫"的历史渊源可追溯至19世纪威尔河畔一个名为"黑猫炮兵"的军事基地，该基地名字的由来有这么一段故事：基地一名民兵在月黑风高之际瞧见了一只黑猫，遂把它当作是魔鬼的化身，最后仓皇而逃。
Fast-track to 1905, a black cat was pictured sitting on a football next to the club's chairman at the time. Three years later, a black cat appeared in the club's team photo. The fans believed that the animal brought them good luck and in 1937 Sunderland fan Billy Morris took a black cat to Wembley in his pocket, Sunderland won their first FA Cup trophy that year. The connection grew even further in the 1960s when a black cat lived at Sunderland's Roker Park ground and was cared for by the club.时光快进至1905年，有球迷拍到一只黑猫坐在桑德兰俱乐部主席旁边的一只足球上。3年后，人们在球队的合影中又发现了一只黑猫的身影，球迷们开始认为黑猫会给俱乐部带来好运。1937年，一个名叫比利·莫里斯的桑德兰死忠在口袋里装了只黑猫前往温布利看球，并由此目睹了桑德兰赢得球队历史上的第一座足总杯奖杯。到上世纪60年代，球队和黑猫之间的联系日渐密切，俱乐部甚至在前主场洛克公园球场饲养了一只黑猫，并派专人照顾。

> West Brom – Baggies 西布罗姆维奇：灯笼裤

One of the most debated nicknames around is West Brom's. The popular belief is that the name originated from the baggie shorts that the players wore in the early 1900s. But club historian Toby Matthews claims: "In its early days The Hawthorns had only 2 entrances, one behind each goal. On match days the gatekeepers would gather up the takings at each end and be escorted by policemen along the sides of the pitch to the center line where there was an office under the stand.关于这一昵称的来源，各方一直争论不休。最主流的一种说法是"灯笼裤"源于球队在上世纪早期身着的灯笼裤，但俱乐部队史专家托比·马修斯则有不同看法，他说："早期的山楂树球场(西布罗姆维奇主场)只有两个入口，分别位于两个球门的后方。在比赛日，球场检票员会在两个入口整理好当日的门票收入，然后在警察的护送下从球场两端往中线走，随后把钱存至位于球场中部看台下方的办公室中。
"The gate money, mostly in pennies, amounted to a considerable sum and was carried in large cloth bags. It wasn't long before some wag in the crowd started shouting 'Here come the bag men!' at their appearance in front of the main stand, and this developed into a chant of 'Here come the Baggies,' giving the team its nickname."这些门票钱大都面值很小，所以数量巨大，需用很大的编织袋才能装起来。久而久之，一到此时，看台上就有不安分的球迷大喊'扛袋子的来了！'，这句话最终演变成由球迷齐声合唱的'Baggies来了！'，而'Baggies'也就成了西布罗姆维奇的昵称。"

> Tottenham Hotspur – Spurs/Lilywhites 托特拉姆热刺：热刺/白百合

Spurs is obviously a shortened version of Hotspur which comes from the clubs connection with Shakespeare character Harry Hotspur. Lilywhites simply comes from the color of Tottenham's home shirt."Spurs"是热刺(Hotspur)的简称，源于莎士比亚笔下的人物Harry Hotspur；而"白百合"则源于球队主场队服的颜色。

> Wigan Athletic – Latics 维冈竞技

LaticsWigan are not on their own with this nickname with League 1 side Oldham Athletic also claiming it. Latics is simply a corruption of the word "Athletic".维冈并非是唯一一支昵称为"Latics"的球队，英甲球队奥德汉姆竞技队同样自称"Latics"。"Latics"仅仅是"Athletic"(竞技)的缩写而已。

> Wolverhampton Wanderers – Wolves 沃尔夫汉普顿流浪者：狼队

Probably the most unimaginative nickname out of the bunch, but the most commonly used. Most football fans will know the Midlands club as Wolves, and there is no prize for guessing why!"狼队"或许是这里面最没有想象力的昵称，虽然它的使用范围是最广的。大部分球迷都把这只来自英格兰中部的球队称作"狼队"，至于原因是什么，不用猜大家都知道了。

Helpless love

2011-09-29T13:07:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation, and each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island.

The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.

Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realized it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.

Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, "Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?"

"No," replied Prosperity, "my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you."

A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, "Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you."

Vanity responded haughtily, "No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet."

Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. "No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself."

When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone.

Love was growing restless and dejected. Just then somebody called out, "Come Love, I will take you with me." Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.

On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, "Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?"

Knowledge smiled, "Oh, that was Time."

"And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?" Love wondered.

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, "Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world."

"The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?"

3 Timeless Thoughts on Simplifying Your Life

2011-09-26T11:28:00.000+08:00

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

Leonardo da Vinci

Hi there!

One of the most important things I have done to improve my life over the last few years is to focus on letting go of many things and to simplify.

So today I would like to share a couple of great ideas about simplifying that have been with us for a long time. These are a couple of my own favorite thoughts about simplifying your life from the last 2500 years or so.

Focus on what is most important for you. Let go of the rest.

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."

Hans Hofmann

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."

Lin Yutang

"The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination."

Elbert Hubbard

There are many things you can let go of. Both on the inside and the outside. I have for example let go of some busy work on the outside. I have greatly decreased the number of times I check email etc. each day and I have learned to use very short to-do lists with only 2-3 of the most important items instead of a dozen items or more.

On the inside I do my best to let go of trivial and petty stuff. I let go of negative stuff. I let go of trying to control the results of my actions. I let go of information and old self-images that don't serve me anymore. I always remember - or remind myself via a white board on my wall - to keep things extremely simple.

Here's one small and effective tip that helps me to let go: first accept that you are for example stuck in focusing on something trivial. Then let it go. Don't try to just reject what you are thinking or feeling because that will only make it harder to let it go.

By doing all this elimination on the inside and outside there is more room, time and energy for me to use for the most important things. And that makes life so much more interesting and fun.

A simpler life is one way to a happier life.

"Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves."

Edwin Way Teale

Society is to a large degree built on getting more.

To a degree this can be useful. But it may not be the thing that will solve all your problems.

You may not find your answer or happiness in more. It may just alter your troubles and problems. And/or give you more of them. What is already there inside of you perhaps gets highlighted and magnified when you get more. Instead of getting whatever you want when finally making all that money your wanted you may find that greed, jealousy and selfishness within you and in your world increases.

You may have thought that when you finally arrived at that place your problems would just disappear. But the ego wants more and is never satisfied.

So trying to fill your life and yourself up with more - money, stuff, power, smartness, prettiness, a feeling of being more enlightened than others - and then finally becoming happy may become like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

By simplifying and letting of a craving for more you can make your life happier and easier.

Get a life to create a simpler life.

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."

Confucius

"Simplicity is an acquired taste. Mankind, left free, instinctively complicates life."

Katherine F. Gerould

Why do people make life more complicated than it is? Well, one answer may be old habits that you need to let go of and replace.

Another answer is that your life isn't really that exciting. So you add drama and complications to make it more interesting and stimulating. That's at least what I used to do in the past.

But instead of doing that you can take the more difficult path and actually get a life.

If you find yourself sitting around too much and not having enough to do then it's very easy to get stuck in thought loops and go into a downward spiral. Simply by filling your life with more fun activities and people you become a lot more relaxed and have little time or patience for complications or drama from yourself or others.

So spend less time analyzing life and more time living and exploring it in whatever way you'd like. By doing so you are also often confronted with having to expand your comfort zones and perhaps face a fear. This leads to better self confidence and less fretting about if you can handle things that may come up.

How to Get to Know Yourself Better: 3 Great Tips

2011-09-20T09:32:00.000+08:00

"He who knows others is learned;

He who knows himself is wise."

Lao-tzu

Who are you? What is your daily and weekly life really about?

Those not always easy questions to answer. So today I'd like to share three tips that have helped me to get to know myself a bit better and to see my life more accurately.

1. What part of you do you see in them?

What we see in others is quite often what we see in ourselves. And what irritates us in people may be what we don't like in ourselves. What you judge in someone you are actually judging in yourself.

Therefore what you notice and what irritates you in others can teach you important things about yourself. Things you may not be aware of. In a way people can be like a mirror for you. A mirror that can help you to learn more about yourself, what you fear and how you may be fooling yourself.

So, what people generally irritate you? What do you often judge or criticize people for?

What can that tell you about you?

2. Do the unusual thing.

When faced with a choice in your daily life, step back for a minute and think. Then take the option that is and feels unusual for you.

If you often back down just don't for this one time. If you often get into arguments with people then just this one time don't and instead just let it go or treat the other person with kindness. Do the opposite of what you usually do and see what happens (while using common sense of course). Do something new and something you wouldn't expect from yourself.

This is a fun and great way to get new experiences and to learn things about the world and about yourself that you wouldn't if you kept going like you usually do. It's also a great way to be surprised about life as things often turn out more positively than in your fear filled daydreams if you just take action.

Getting stuck in the same old routine until it becomes a rut can suck the life out of you. Doing the unusual thing in small and big situations, no matter how it goes, is a great way to feel alive again and to reveal aspects of yourself that may have been hidden from you.

3. Journal.

Journaling is a fine way to get a more accurate picture of yourself and your life. A few ways that I have used journaling to get to know myself and my life are:

Journal about how you use your time. Just write down what you do during one day. Or during one week. Write down what you spend your time on and how much time you spend on each thing. You may, as me, be surprised about how much time you waste on procrastinating and pretty pointless busy work. Even if you may have an image of yourself as an effective person.
Journal about what you think. What do you think about during a normal day? Or a week? Write it all down. By doing so you can find recurring patterns of thought such as fears or maybe that you spend a lot of time regretting what happened in the past. Or you may find that you are actually a more positive person than you may think. This is a really interesting exercise because it can help you spot both positive things and negative things about yourself and just how accurate your current image of yourself is. You'll probably run into some surprises.
Journal about what you eat. I used this to lose weight. If you want to lose weight you have to consume less calories that you use. So how do you know what to eat and how much? You got to monitor it in some way. I used the free and very simple Fitday.com to monitor what I eat during the day. This is essential stuff. Because the three normal and most of the time actually pretty healthy meals I ate in the past consisted of the same amount of calories I used during the day. So little progress was made. To keep things within effective and healthy limits I think it's important to monitor what you do. But not to get obsessed about these things though. The main point is to keep an eye on what you are actually doing instead of guesstimating a whole lot.

The Six Habits of Highly Ineffective People

2011-09-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

Just like finding habits that can be useful for you it's important to find habits that are holding you back.

Most of these 6 habits can easily become such a normal, everyday part of life that you hardly notice them (or how they affecting you).

1. Not showing up.

Maybe you've heard this quote by Woody Allen:

"Eighty percent of success is showing up"

One of the biggest and simplest things you can do to ensure more success in your life - whether it is in your social life, your career or with your health - is simply to show up more.

If you want to improve your health then one of the most important and effective things you can do is just to show up at the gym every time you should be there.

The weather might be bad, you might not feel like going and you find yourself having all these other things you just must do. If you still go, if you show up at the gym when motivation is low you will improve a whole lot faster than if you just stayed at home relaxing on the sofa.

I think this applies to most areas of life. If you write or paint more, each day perhaps, you will improve quickly. If you get out more you can meet more new friends. If you go on more dates you chances of meeting someone special increases. Just showing up more can really make a big difference. Not showing up will not get you anywhere.

2. Procrastinating half the day.

To keep it short, two of my favorite ways to get out of a procrastinating state are:

Do the most important thing first. What this means is simply to do the hardest and most important task of the day first thing in the morning. A good start in the morning lifts your spirits and creates a positive momentum for the rest of the day. That often creates a pretty productive day.
How do you eat an elephant? Don't try to take it all in one big bite. It becomes overwhelming which leads to procrastination. Split a task into small actionable steps. Then just focus on the first step and nothing else. Just do that one until it's done. Then move on to the next step.

3. When actually doing something, doing something that isn't the most important thing right now.

One of the easiest habits to get stuck in, besides procrastinating, is to keep yourself busy with unimportant tasks.

To be effective you probably need some kind of time management-system. It might be something really simple, like using the 80/20-rule at the beginning of each day. The 80/20 rule, or the Pareto Principle as it's also known, says that you'll get 80 percent of your results from only 20 percent of your tasks and activities. So you need to focus most of your energy on those few important tasks to be effective.

When you have prioritized using this rule just write down the top 3 most important things you need to do that day. Then, from the top, start doing them. Even if you just get one of the things done then you have still done the most important thing you could do today.

However you organise your work it is of highest priority to find the most important tasks so you don't spend days, weeks or months doing busywork that isn't that essential anyway. Just getting things done faster isn't that useful if the things you get done are unimportant to you.

4. Thinking too much.

And thereby seldom taking action. Paralysis by analysis can waste years of your life. There is nothing wrong with thinking before you do something. Do some research, make a plan, and explore potential upsides and problems.

But compulsively thinking and thinking and thinking is just another way to waste your time. You don't have to examine everything from every angle before you try it. And you can't wait for the perfect time to do something. That time never comes. And if you keep thinking you'll just dig yourself down deeper and deeper and taking action will become more and more difficult.

Instead you just need to stop thinking. Shut of your mind - it just helps you up to a point - and go do whatever you need to do.

5. Seeing the negative and downsides in just about anything.

When you see everything from a negative perspective you quickly punch a hole in your own motivation. You find faults everywhere and problems where there are really none. You cling to details. If you want to find a reason to not do something then that's no problem. From a negative viewpoint you can find ten reasons every time.

And so very little gets done, you whine to anyone who wants to hear - and many who don't - about how crappy your job, life and boss is. Which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as you create the life that is appropriate considering how think and see your world.

A solution is to realise the limits of a negative perspective. And that your perspective isn't some kind of 100% true picture of the world. Then try other perspectives. You can do so by using more helpful questions such as:

What is good about this situation? Or what is good about my life right now even though this one thing may have gone bad?
What can I learn from this situation?

6. Constantly on information overload.

With information overload I don't just mean that you read a lot. I pretty much mean an overload in all input. If you just let all information flow into your mind it will be hard to think clearly. It's just too much stimuli. A few more potential downsides to this habit are:

Some of the input you receive will be negative. The media and your surroundings often put a negative spin on things for various reasons. If you aren't selective about what input you want in your life then you'll be dragged into this negativity too. This affects how you think, feel and act.
It creates an urge to keep up with what's happening but there are always ten more things happening so you can't keep up. This makes life stressful.
It becomes hard to make decisions and take action if your mind is constantly bombarded with information or trying to sort through it all. Personally I find that if I get too much information it leads to a sort of paralysis. Not much gets done. Or you get stuck in habit #3 and keep busy, busy, busy at high speed with low priority activities.

To be able to focus, think more clearly and take action it's useful to be more selective about what you let into your mind. When you work shut out as much distractions as possible. Shut off the phone, internet and shut the door. It is strange how much you can get done when you aren't interrupted every fifth minute or have the opportunity to procrastinate by checking your inbox or Facebook.

Now I'm not suggesting that you should stop reading all websites or newspapers. But think about what you really want to read and what you read just read to fill your time. And have a look at other areas of input where the doors are wide-open.

For instance, you don't have to let in all the negative emotions from your surroundings. If everyone else are procrastinating or are anxiously keeping themselves busy by doing low-priority tasks at warp speed it's easy to be influenced by that mood and way of thinking. If you have a door, then it might be good idea to shut it and focus on doing more important things.

How to Start Enjoying Life Again

2011-09-05T14:41:00.000+08:00

No matter how perfect everything can feel and how awesome life can seem at times, things rarely stay that way. Let's face it, now and then we all experience the low points, and for some people, those low points can last a lot longer than anything else. You can tell just by looking at statistics which show that tens of thousands of people commit suicide each year around the world; for some people these low points just become unbearable.

I think there are some key aspects which can help people start to really enjoy life again, and make the most of the opportunities on this planet. In this post I want to look at what I think those aspects are and how you can incorporate them into your life.

Become Aware of your Mortality

I know that point heading doesn't sound very positive, but let me pan things out a bit. It's no secret that one day we are all going to die. Some of you may think we will be reincarnated, some may think we will go to heaven and some of you think we are spiritual beings in human form, and that's fine. However, all of us know that our current form won't last forever.

I've always been aware that I'm going to die someday, but I don't think I have ever really appreciated life. It wasn't until I became very sick last year and spent a week in hospital that the things which matter to me really became apparent, my health being one of them.

This is it. Make the most of the opportunity you have; life is completely what you make of it and is nothing more than an external reflection of your internal thoughts. If you start looking for the good in the world instead of focusing on the bad, I promise you will find it.

Make Notes of the Things that Matter to You

I used to be the kind of person that would read a blog post which asked you to do something, and kindly skip over the 'taking action' section. More recently, I actually took the time to write out a list of things I'm grateful for; some of the obvious items came up:

* My family and friends

* My health

* Being able to eat properly every day

* Having a roof over my head

* Having people that care for me

And while these items are obvious, we take them for granted but miss them so much for example when they deteriorate (health) or disappear (wealth). Simply doing this will allow you to see all the great things in your life instead of all the negative aspects in your current situation which may be getting you down.

Realize Every Problem Can Be Accepted or Dealt With

I came across an interesting concept recently by one of my favorite teachers who said "problems are only memories" and that saying actually became the basis for an article I wrote. To make things a little more understandable, my saying is this: there is no problem that you have which can't either be dealt with or accepted. Every single problem will fit under one of those two options.

"But I don't want to accept the things I cannot change" is a response I received from a lot of people when first mentioning this idea. "OK, so you are going to get angry, cry and stress yourself out about something that...you can't do anything about?" - It just doesn't make any sense. If you can change something you don't like then by all means work towards doing that, but otherwise accept what is and focus on other things that matter to you.

Set Yourself a Long Term Goal You Can Be Passionate About

I've worked hard with my online properties in the last few years and was lucky enough to be able to quit my job at the beginning of this year to work for myself full-time. I've noticed that now I'm at this stage I literally jump out of bed in the mornings excited to work on the projects that I have a real passion for. I've come to realize that it doesn't take quitting your job in order to be excited about waking up in the mornings; you just need something you can focus on that you are passionate about.

Maybe you want to lose weight, maybe you want to learn a new language or even learn to play an instrument. Pick a long-term goal that you can give some time regularly, something that really matters to you. The most important aspect to making this work in your favor is by opening your life up to being able to work on the things you enjoy. After-all, this is a goal you WANT to achieve and it is something you really CARE about.

What could be a better way to spend your time?

Relish the moment

2011-08-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out of the windows, we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering --waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

"When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry.

"When I'm 18."

"When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz!"

"When I put the last kid through college."

"When I have paid off the mortgage!"

"When I get a promotion."

"When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!"

Sooner or later, we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.

"Relish the moment "is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118：24: "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.

The Short and Simple Guide to Handling Criticism

2011-08-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

"Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing"

Aristotle

Receiving criticism isn't always fun. However, there are ways to handle it in a less hurtful way and - sometimes - get something good out of it.

Here are a few pointers I have found useful when dealing with criticism.

Count to 10 before you speak.

If you react immediately to criticism then you'll often react in a knee-jerk manner. And the words that come out may be overemotional, vicious and unnecessary. Count to at least 10 after someone has criticised you. Then respond. This simple way of calming yourself down and regaining some perspective can save you a lot of trouble and help you avoid saying something you can't take back. It's a good approach to avoid creating unnecessary problems.

Handle it like Buddha.

Maybe you've heard this one before. It's a great and practical way to look at criticism. It might be extra useful when dealing with angry, destructive criticism and nasty personal attacks.

"A man interrupted one of the Buddha's lectures with a flood of abuse. Buddha waited until he had finished and then asked him, "If a man offered a gift to another but the gift was declined, to whom would the gift belong?"

"To the one who offered it," said the man.

"Then," said the Buddha, "I decline to accept your abuse and request you to keep it for yourself."

Simply don't accept the gift of a criticism. You don't have to. Then it still belongs to the person who offered it.

Take both praise and criticism evenly.

My mindset for praise - that I try to stick to as much as I can - is that it's cool and I appreciate it. It's great to get praise, but I seldom get overly excited about it and jump up and down shouting enthusiastically.

A great upside of this mindset is that when you receive the opposite - negative criticism - you can often observe it calmly without too much wild, negative emotions blocking the way. And you can often appreciate that piece of criticism too (if there is something to learned from it).

Basically this mindset is about not caring too much about what other people think. If you care too much about what other people think then you easily become pretty needy and let others control how you feel. Both how good and bad you feel.

So you move from depending on external validation to depending more on internal validation. You validate yourself more and more and then you need less of outside validation. Don't take this too far though. Don't become that arrogant jerk who never listens to criticism no matter how valid it is.

If there is nothing to be learned from some piece of criticism you received or it's just nonsense ravings and insults then with this mindset you just go: "Ok". You don't care that much and you quickly forget about it. Instead of spending the rest of the day being angry, sad and riled up.

Shifting into this mindset isn't that easy. You can slip quite a bit. But if you learn more about your mind - especially about your ego as Eckhart Tolle describes it in books like the Power of Now and A New Earth - then this understanding gives you more control over your reactions and less knee-jerk responses.

Listen to the criticism and get the details.

Instead of attacking the other person(s) for their words and building a hostile atmosphere try to calm it down. Try to remain level-headed, open and figure out how this can help you. Even when someone blurts out something not too constructive like "Your work/blog/product sucks!" you might want to ask a few open-ended questions like:

- Why does it suck?

- How can I improve it?

- How can we solve this?

If they can't answer your questions then they are probably just lashing out. But there is sometimes valuable information in negative criticism. Things no one else may tell you. Try to get practical and concrete details about what's wrong. Perhaps there is already a solution to the problem but you need more information to realise that. By improving the communication and making it more specific and detailed you can come closer to understanding each other and solving the problem.

And if you can understand, help and change the mood of the one delivering the criticism he or she will probably appreciate it quite a bit. And you may have turned a potential conflict into a valuable relationship.

Be careful with using email.

Since words are only a small part of communication - the remaining and much larger part consists of voice tonality and body language - it may be wise to not reply to criticism via email if possible. It's probably better to get the person who sent such an email on the phone or go see him/her in person. This can help you to avoid creating a whole mess of misunderstandings. Avoiding email is also useful to keep in mind when you are about to criticise someone.

A Good Lesson

2011-08-14T11:58:00.000+08:00

A young man, a student in one of our universities, was one day taking a walk with a professor, who was commonly called the students' friend, for his kindness to those who waited on his instructions. As they went along, they saw lying in the path a pair of old shoes, which they supposed to belong to a poor man who was employed in a field close by, and who had nearly finished his day's work.

The student turned to the professor, saying: "Let us play the man a trick: we will hide his shoes, and conceal ourselves behind those bushes, and wait to see his perplexity when he cannot find them."

"My young friend," answered the professor, "we should never amuse ourselves at the expense of the poor. But you are rich, and may give yourself a much greater pleasure by means of the poor man. Put a coin into each shoe, and then we will hide ourselves and watch how the discovery affects him."

The student did so, and they both placed themselves behind the bushes close by. The poor man soon finished his work, and came across the field to the path where he had left his coat and shoes. While putting on his coat he slipped his foot into one of his shoes; but feeling something hard, he stooped down to feel what it was, and found the coin. Astonishment and wonder were seen upon his countenance. He gazed upon the coin, turned it round, and looked at it again and again. He then looked around him on all sides, but no person was to be seen. He now put the money into his pocket, and proceeded to put on the other shoe; but his surprise was doubled on finding the other coin. His feelings overcame him; he fell upon his knees, looked up to heaven and uttered aloud a fervent thanksgiving, in which he spoke of his wife, sick and helpless, and his children without bread, whom the timely bounty, from some unknown hand, would save from perishing.

The student stood there deeply affected, and his eyes filled with tears. "Now," said the professor, "are you not much better pleased than if you had played your intended trick?"

The youth replied, "You have taught me a lesson which I will never forget. I feel now the truth of those words, which I never understood before: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive".