Hey, if people can sell their souls and virginity on Ebay, then I should be able to sell some T-shirt advertising, right?

Ebay makes sense because I spend only one hour crafting up a little ad. If nobody bids, I pay Ebay only 90 cents. That’s a whole lot cheaper and faster than driving around the country randomly propositioning businesses. The trick with Ebay is to generate enough attention that a serious offer will be made. I’ll shoot off some catalyst emails tomorrow.

What do you think? Will this work? Will I get someone to sponsor me running around a desert? Is $6000 a good deal for a company or will any potential bidders laugh? Is tuberculosis a noble cause?

Click here to see my Ebay auction.

Here is the text:

Snake eating lunch at the Killing Fields in Cambodia, October 11, 2009. I bet that frog is wishing he had coordinated something special with Crematory Dreams!

Have you ever considered having something interesting done for your funeral, maybe a unique location, a specific guest list, a certain time of day? Often people mention how they want their funerals to be parties, for friends and family to celebrate the time they had with them. Of course it rarely turns out that way, as people need time to grieve losses. More to the point, have you ever heard of unique ways to spread or bury remains and want the same done with your own one day? There is a way to ensure your wishes are met: write special instructions in your will and choose an executor who you trust to go to the ends of the Earth on your behalf. Better yet, coordinate in advance with a company specializing in making your wildest dreams after death come true, Crematory Dreams, LLC.

Over four years ago, when I last had my will updated, I attached special instructions describing exactly how I want things to unfold. My instructions include people and publications I want contacted, small possessions I want given to friends, directions on dealing with organizations that might attempt to use my death as a political statement, and, most importantly, how my remains are to be handled. I will be cremated and want my ashes “bombed” out of a certain type of airplane over a certain peak in the Utah Rocky Mountains. Though highly unlikely, with the right connections, it is possible. How do I know this can happen? Because Crematory Dreams is dead serious about finishing the job.

Crematory Dreams, LLC, specializes in finding solutions to the most unusual final-resting-place requests, from scatterings requiring wreck dives in the Indian Ocean, to urn placement atop Mount Everest, to being mixed with black powder in a muzzle loader destined to shoot a prize elk. If you conceive it, Crematory Dreams will bring your dreams back from the dead. And they will charge you a fortune for the service. Hey, it’s not like you need the money, right?

This idea has been several years in the making. Doing an internet search today, it looks like there are companies that offer burials at sea, scatterings over the Sierra Nevada mountains, and other specific services. I can find none, though, that are worldwide, out of this world, problem solvers for those of us with eccentric postmortem wishes. Crematory Dreams would be the first of its kind, a service for people who have no problem dropping $100,000 or more on a first class, customized remains-disbursement program.

How will this company operate? Crematory Dreams offers a stark business model contrast to traditional mortuary companies. Typical mortuaries are local, dealing with families after the fact. They are also conservative, and gloomy. Crematory Dreams, as an alternative, will offer worldwide service, seeking business from living individuals. Details will be planned, payments arranged, and discretion kept while the customer continues living joyously. Operations will include any family and friends previously coordinated in the will. Customers can expect only top quality service.

Why is the service so expensive? Because Crematory Dreams is the only business alive of its kind. Because laws will be skirted, borders will be crossed, and expensive equipment and professionals employed in operations. Because this is the last bill the customer will ever have and because the customer has enough money to pay for the best for his last wish. Because Crematory Dreams is not the Wal-Mart of death, but is quality service, and only for those who demand a premium finish to life. This is a million dollar idea now open to the public. Leave  a comment if you want more ideas, a business partner, or simply want to voice your hate for my writing about death.

Is this a viable business idea? Do you know of something similar already in existence? Have you ever thought of being cremated or buried, and whether or not you would like anything unusual done? Happy Halloween!

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After over 20 miles of easy bicycling around Angkor, I made my way to Angkor Wat to catch another sunset on the great temple. I was interrupted by a bunch of monkeys on a stretch of road. Instead of bringing you something serious, I have this goofy video of me trying to feed some overfed, ungrateful monkeys. Note to self: if a monkey give me “crazy eyes,” back away!

Besides watching me nearly become a victim of aggravated assault, you can see a tiny glimpse of Cambodia, even if at a major tourist attraction. Check out the tuk-tuk (or remorque-moto) drivers hauling tourists down the road in mini covered trailers hitched to motorcycles. Notice the banana lady wearing the surgical mask. It seems everywhere in Asia, many people wear surgical masks. They cut down on dust, road pollution, and germs. I’m surprised this hasn’t caught on a little more in the US.

Disclaimer: I don’t condone name calling in any circumstance, even with animals. I apologize for my lack of self control with the animals in the  video, but all their monkeying around was really frustrating me. They were not harmed in the making of this video, and aggravated assault charges were not filed against the bad monkey.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This Google Earth map amended with powerpoint markings shows where the critical points on the bamboo train (norry) railway are. The black line is the actual rail line, as depicted by Google Earth. The two towns South of Battambang are the typical bamboo train route, but you can also find operators near the river. My bamboo train ride started at the river, marked with a green arrow, went to Ou Dambong, then turned around, went across the river twice to finish where I started.

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Riding Cambodias bamboo train (called norry by locals) was one of only a few specific activities I had in mind when starting my travels in June. Today I did it! I found out about these trains while researching cool things to do in Cambodia. It turns out the Lonely Planet Cambodia travel book has a small blurb of information on these trains as well. None of the information Ive found online or in the travel guides seems especially detailed. Hopefully, the Google map Ive included will help anyone else trying to find the trains for free.

Cambodia has one rail line. It is not well built, not maintained, and generally unsafe. For that reason, Cambodia no longer operates heavy trains. The people, however, have created an inexpensive and lightweight system to travel safely on the rails. These bamboo trains are pushed by small gasoline engines, and roll on two axles. They can be removed from the railroad or assembled in about a minute flat. Locals are charged about $0.25 (1,000 Riel) for a lift, but foreigners (me) get a huge markup. Despite what sounds like a $1 negotiation in the video, I ended up paying $5. That is the low end of what I was expecting to pay for a private ride. Fortunately, I got my moneys worth, learning how to operate the things. For the typical train ride from Ou Dambong to Ou Sra Lav, foreigners can expect to pay $8.

You can see in the video how the train is controlled. A foot pedal provides friction to the rollers, slowing the traincar. The stick held by the driver is pulled back to increase fan belt tension between the rear axle and engine, speeding up the traincar.

I was unsure exactly where to go or how to set up a train ride. I had no idea if the trains even existed anymore, since nearly all of the available information talks about their impending extinction. Like many of the things I’ve done while traveling, I enjoy figuring it out for myself, without the help of a tour guide, taxi driver, or anyone but “regular locals.” This keeps things more adventurous and a can be a little chaotic, in that I might not have an accurate read on a dynamic situation.

Yesterday, I went searching for the trains without a map, knowing only that I needed to follow the dirt road running along the Stung Sangker river, South of Battambang. I found the point where the railroad tracks cross the river, but no trains were there, nobody in the area spoke English, I was unsure if perhaps there were other rails, and the tracks weren’t easy to walk. I crossed the bridge on foot and then wandered back South on the tracks to see if I could find any clues. There was nothing. With the sun beating down on me, I gave up for the day, but resolved to find it the next day no matter what.

With a little more research, and the help of Google Earth, I figured out that I might need to walk the poorly maintained railroad all the way to Ou Dambong, which has a “train station” and seems to be the Northern bamboo train hub. Well today, I went back, taking the same path along the Stung Sangker to where the rails meet the river. I was all set to walk the tracks to Ou Dambang, but lo and behold, there is a bamboo train with two guys ready to work. They were at the exact spot I had visited yesterday! I guess it’s all about timing.

To make a long story short, I jumped on the train and rode to Ou Dambang, but didn’t want to pay $10 extra requested by another “railroad engineer” to reach the normal destination of Ou Sra Lav. My ride ended up being an hour long, and covered a good amount of territory, including the river crossing at the end. Best of all, I figured out how these things work, and successfully assembled, disassembled, started, and operated one. I believe this video is the most detailed of any Bamboo Train material you’ll find on the internet. Watch it and let me know what you think!

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These sugar cane drinks are delicious. They are called Nuoc Mia in Vietnam, and Am Pov (or something like that) in Cambodia. I found them all over Vietnam, and have been kicking myself in the butt for not making a video or taking pictures of the sugar cane drink production while there. Finally, two months later, I ran into a Cambodian street merchant selling them. Doing a little Google research, it looks as if Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and Myanmar (Burma) are the countries that make this tasty streetside beverage. The drink is very sweet, but not as sweet as you might think, and it has a nice flavor to it. Just after I stopped my camera and continued down the street, I noticed another half dozen vendors selling sugar cane drinks…I guess we see what we want to see.

A Dunkin' Donuts in Seoul has mostly Western patrons. We are addicted to this stuff! When I visited Japan in 2001, I couldn't find a decent donut, just an unsweetened poor attempt at one. This year, however, I found my favorite, Krispy Kreme. American fast food is spreading around the world, setting the human race up for failure.

Lose inches FAST! Drop pounds NOW! Eat anything available including a daily dose of Oreos®! For a limited time only, this diet is available COMPLETELY FREE! Willing subjects are needed to validate this revolutionary diet! Here are the steps:

1. Travel to SE Asia², finding accomodation² in rural areas.
2. Get a good night’s sleep every night.
3. Walk everywhere—to the laundry, grocery store, tourist sites, etc—covering at least 5-10km every day.
4. Enjoy local cuisine when hungry. Snack on one unhealthy treat per day³.
5. Report your success!

Ok, so here’s the deal: I need a belt. Two months ago, I purchased a pair of shorts in Saigon, Vietnam. I found a heavy duty camouflage pair I really liked, and tried on the XL size. Too small. I tried the 2XL. Too small. I asked for the 3XL. Not available. 2XL was the biggest size stocked in Vietnam. They were too tight around the belly and I was worried about the button either breaking or bruising my stomach. I really needed some quality shorts with secure, button-down pockets (for my camera and wallet), so I took the undersized 2XL pair, hoping that the cotton wouldn’t shrink much when laundered. Today, about 9 weeks later, those shorts are too loose and I find myself constantly pulling them up, only to have them fall right back down, nearly passing over my hips. Yesterday, in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I weighed myself on two scales: 74 Kilograms⁴ (163 pounds), a full 10 kilograms (22 pounds) less than when I left home.

I left the United States in mid-June, weighing 185 pounds plus or minus a couple. In Japan, South Korea, and Singapore, I continued my “American diet.” That diet included regular fast food and limited exercise. During those early travels, I spent a week in the Mongolian wild. That week I dined on bone marrow and sheep tail (both delicious, by the way) and could feel myself losing weight and  getting fit. That feeling disappeared when I returned to South Korea and Japan and their ubiquitous American fast food chains. There I was, in early August, as pudgy as when I left the US. In my last days in Japan, early August, I weighed in the low 180s. That was the last I would see a scale for over a month.

I didn’t even recognize it (weight loss) was happening until I stepped on a scale at a 7-11 in Chiang Mai, Thailand and saw that I was 81 kilograms (178 pounds). Without shoes and gear, I was probably just under 175 pounds. That was a month ago. Having lost about 10 pounds since leaving home, and mostly since leaving Japan, got my attention.

How did I lose so much weight so fast, most of it in the last two months, without even trying? I don’t know exactly, but I suspect my body adjusted to a lower caloric intake even while my daily exercise, walking, was increasing. During my remaining weeks in Thailand, I weighed myself every other day or so and was much more conscious of the weight loss. My diet was a nearly daily meal of my favorite Thai dish, curry soup with pork or chicken, flanked by rice. My “dinner” would be a package of Oreos or another bowl of curry or Pad Thai. Every few days, I would eat a pizza, but my typical daily diet remained one or two bowls of curry with rice and one pack of Oreos. Now that I’m in Cambodia, I’ve replaced Oreos, which I can’t find anywhere, for ice cream⁵, and the weight has continued to melt away. It’s almost as if my body decided recently it should weigh significantly less and is in a race to reach that new set weight. I’m not exercising vigorously, starving myself, or otherwise putting much effort into losing weight. It’s just happening.

For whatever reason, Oreos, rice, and chicken are enough to sustain me. I don’t experience the hunger pangs I experienced in the United States, Japan, and South Korea. Obviously, the Southeast Asia Oreo Diet isn’t a seriously recommended diet⁶. Replacing Oreos with several daily servings of fruits and vegetables would be far healthier. Nonetheless, I have quickly lost significant weight without doing anything extreme, simply walking around and eating Asian-sized meals, with a daily sugar fix.

These last couple months I have become even more of a believer that chemically-enhanced, technologically engineered food, i.e., American fast food, is the primary culprit in weight gain. I warn some of the locals I meet in these countries that once they start getting saturated with McDonald’s and the like, it is only a matter of time before weight gain becomes a serious national problem for them. I don’t believe in big government and think it would be a big mistake to regulate food products, but maybe something should be done to regulate how that food is produced. Fast food has properties that are creating longterm destructive results for people. Fast food is the new cigarettes, but worse. How many years will pass before we do something about it?

I’m all for personal responsibility and think most able-bodied, able-minded people are responsible for their conditions. That said, there is something about the processed, pre-packaged, chemically-manipulated fast food and soft drinks that makes it extremely difficult for many people to ignore. Like alcohol, gambling, and other addictions, some of us have extreme difficulty controlling our fast food and soft drink intake. With fast food, however, I think a much, much larger percentage of the population is predisposed to the addiction. Most Americans I know are overweight. We’ve all seen the statistics.

Fast food has become the default meal in the United States. My American friends and family who eat well take much more effort and planning to be healthy. They have to maneuver around our so-called Fast Food Nation in order to make nutritious meals. They go to special grocery stores, look for “free range” products, spend time preparing meals, carry homemade meals to work, avoid dining out with other friends, etc. In Thailand and many of these neighboring countries, eating healthily is the default. I can’t find much fast food. Even finding ice cream for me takes a lot of walking. I have to earn it! Though a significant effort to find a Burger King or McDonald’s, it’s a piece of cake to walk outside and find street vendors selling meats and eggs and fruits. Restaurant menus are chockfull of rice and vegetable dishes. This has been my secret to losing weight—I’m losing weight by eating what’s available. The available food is natural and healthy.

I’ve been down this weight loss road before. One of the reasons for leaving my career, in fact, was because I was literally getting sick more often, getting fat, and in a cycle that seemed like it wouldn’t end without drastic action. In 2006 I ballooned to 190-195 pounds. In 2007, with a New Year’s resolution to drop weight, I muscled my way to 162 pounds with a lot of running and lifting. In 2008, once again, I ballooned to the 185-190 pound range. Here I am in 2009 back in the 160s. This time, though, was almost effortless. I’m not trying to lose weight here. I’m just living, going about my travels, walking where I need to go, eating the food available, and not eating unless I have an appetite. Yes, there is something broken in American (and, increasingly, other Westernized nations) society where being fit requires such an effort to exercise and eat well, when in other countries being fit is effortless, part of the natural lifestyle.

Asian women are known for their slight builds, and it is quite obvious to anyone that they are shorter and overall smaller in stature than average Europeans and North Americans. I ask many of them their weights, out of curiosity. The smaller women are about 40 kilograms (88 pounds) and the “heavy” end of the scale is about 50-55 kilograms (110-121 pounds)! They complain about having to lose one or two kilograms. Their perspective on weight and exercise is so much different. Not many struggle the way we do.

Walking around in the evening is one of my favorite things to do here. People congregate in parks to socialize with physical activity, doing calisthenics and playing soccer and other games. Working out casually with each other is part of the national social fabric. In Gifu, Japan, I witnessed this while at a water park. A whistle blew and everyone stopped playing in the water to do 10 minutes of calisthenics! I’ve seen similar things in Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia. Between the healthy food easily found on every street and the commitment to exercising for fun, the citizens in SE Asia have got it nailed.

My journey to SE Asia is quickly coming to an end. I’ll be home in the United States at the end of the month. I fear my lost weight will quickly return. What scares me? This: Burger King® chicken sandwich plus cheese, large chocolate shake and fries. A&W Rootbeer® float. Arby’s® large roast beef sandwich with chocolate swirl shake and curly fries. Buffalo Wild Wings® 18 traditional Parmesan Garlic™ wings with potato wedges. Wendy’s® 1/4lb single patty cheeseburger combo with chocolate Frosty™ and medium fry. McDonald’s vanilla reduced fat ice cream cone. Fuddrucker’s® 1/2 lb bacon cheddar burger with large chocolate shake and fries. Dairy Queen® Oreo® Blizzard®. Pizza Hut™ New! Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pan Pizza. Krispy Kreme® Original Glazed Hot Doughnuts.

I know weight is such a sensitive issue, particularly with Americans and, really, anyone who struggles. What do you think? Is fast food to blame? Should we be holding ourselves totally accountable? Should government get involved by regulating or heavily taxing fast food, like what has been done with cigarettes? Is fast food proliferation the #1 threat to civilization?

1.Registration Pending.

2. To be paid by subject.

3. Oreos® have been effective in limited trials.

4. Though the metric system (used by 190+ countries) is clearly inferior to the American system and possibly inferior to the systems of the two only other nations in the world not using the metric system (Liberia and Burma), I use it here in deference to local standards.

5. Chill, an ice cream parlor in Phnom Penh, Cambodia makes its own ice cream in-store and is the best I’ve tasted anywhere in Asia, bar none.

6. If you have success with this diet, feel free to send me a check or money order for an amount you feel is appropriate.

Left: On the subway in Tokyo, Japan, wishing I had a travel buddy sitting next to me, rather than this tired student who decided to use my shoulder as a pillow. Right: At Doi Inthanon, Thailand, taking a blurry picture of myself. There are downsides to traveling alone. Not having a full time picture taker is one of them.

Have you ever had a once-in-a-lifetime experience, something so funny or profound that it could never be repeated, and immediately afterward wished a friend were there to share it? Me, too. Traveling with another has to be the best way to build a better friendship, share interesting memories, and look out for the safety and welfare of each other.. That said, I have had many experiences that never would have been possible were I with a group. Going solo brings a level of speed and flexibility that is simply impossible with a group.

I’ve had some really good times in the couple instances I’ve journeyed with other travelers these last four months, and find fascinating the dynamic others have with their travel buddies. It has been insightful to me to see how their decision making works and how time consuming it can be. As a “lone wolf” type person, however, I value my independence above all. These are some of the reasons why traveling alone is so great.

-Complete independence. Nobody relies on me and I don’t have to rely on others. After years of work requiring reliance, which could be very rewarding but often frustrating, this new independence is refreshing.

-I go where I want. Rather than having to deliberate with someone about where we should visit, I go to all the places I wish. Furthermore, I can change my mind instantly with no consultation. My original itinerary has changed wildly and it simply doesn’t matter! I’m accountable to no one but myself. Eventually, in the months or years ahead, I will visit all the planned countries, but if I’m particularly enjoying myself somewhere then I stay longer, feeling no pressure to stick to my bar napkin plan.

-I eat what I want. If I want to walk off a Nha Trang, Vietnam street and into the busiest locals-only phở’ restaurant I’ve ever seen, I do it, not worried about someone telling me how unsafe the food could be, or worried that people are throwing pork bones and napkins on the floor. If I have a craving for pizza, I get a pizza then and there.

-I make new friends easily. Being alone makes it especially easy to meet new people. I like talking with others and, since I have no travel buddy, I talk with strangers. It’s not uncommon for that talk to lead to a new travel idea, knowledge of the best local spots, dinner with a local family, or a night out with locals. Other travelers I meet are usually somewhat confused or surprised that I would make friends with locals at airports, bus stations, hotels, restaurants, etc. It’s almost as if it isn’t in the realm of possibility that a person could do that. When I have all the time in the world and travel at my own pace, engaging in conversation is effortless and agenda-less.

-I never have to worry about making a poor decision. Because I’m alone, I’m 100% responsible for my situation, and have no one to blame and no one to blame me. Surprisingly, this has a remarkable impact on my thinking. I am constantly looking ahead to what’s next and rarely ever questioning myself about what I could have done, should have done, or would have done.

-Logistics are very easy. I can’t count the times I’ve booked transportation minutes or hours in advance. I can decide I want to go elsewhere and then do it as soon as possible. Limiting my planning to a matter of a few minutes per day makes it no harder than getting dressed.

-I spend time where I want. My interests are vast, but undoubtedly differ from others’ in degree and type. Whereas I might want to make a quick visit to a crowded market to watch people or meet merchants, another person might want to spend all day there buying inexpensive brand name clothing.

-It’s easy to find an opening. Being a single traveler, I can easily be moved around to accommodate myself or others. I routinely move from my assigned seats on buses and planes to give myself more room. On my Halong Bay, Vietnam tour package, I opted for a shared room to cut costs. I ended up, however, with my own private room on the boat and in the island bungalow because of circumstances with other groups. This, paying for cheaper shared accommodation and ending up with my own room, happens often enough that I almost expect it. On one occasion, I even got the only seat remaining on a space-available flight, skipping ahead of 30 other people traveling as friends or families unwilling to split. I was enjoying the beaches of Hawaii while they were still stuck on the mainland hoping for better luck in the days ahead.

-I get the “he’s cool”  treatment from people trying to make side deals. I mean, when interacting alone with some local merchant or security person, I am seen as less of a risk to them getting caught making special deals with me. Couples and groups are too clunky and loud, but a single person is quiet and very flexible. Recently, I gained private access to a “no entrance” portion of a world famous site, something that I doubt would have happened were I with others.

-There is a never-ending sense of adventure. When I step off the plane in Cambodia, I have no idea what to expect and have nobody there as a security blanket or to provide comfort. Being the only foreigner on a bus or in a restaurant can be very thrilling. For anyone who likes an adrenaline fix, traveling alone is an easy way to get a steady diet.

Have you ever traveled solo? What were some of the benefits? Do you think traveling alone is different for a woman or makes more sense in certain locations?

Somewhere in Mongolia contemplating whether to add “Try Rogaine” to my new and improved Bucket List!

Besides feeling rejuvenated, getting in shape, and seeing more of the world, a big part of why I left the security of employment was to line-through neglected items on my “bucket list.” Nearly everyone has one of these life “to do” lists with the hopes and goals he wishes to accomplish in life, whether saved as a lengthy computer document, or simply remembered.

I made my first formal list as part of a high school science class assignment. I carried it around in my wallet for many months and into college. Occasionally, I would update or reinforce, by re-reading, my goals. The list evolved to well over a hundred things. On the list were items such as becoming EMT certified, skydiving, running a marathon, and earning a martial arts black belt. I had time-sensitive goals like winning state athletic championships. There were smaller, sillier goals as well, like drinking three gallons of milk in 24 hours (I often downed a gallon a day as a college underclassman, so I figured drinking two would be easy, thus I used three as a more challenging goal). Somewhere along the way, this original high school list was lost, destroyed, or archived in the boxes of stored belongings at home.

Why do I have a list at all? Because it keeps me focused on doing something, anything. A list focuses my interests on specific end results or skills. A list makes me fulfilled when I line-through items. Doing new, challenging, different, difficult, or crazy things make me feel alive. How boring life would be if I weren’t living and working for any particular cause, and if every day were the same as the one before. Additionally, a list can be prioritized. Obviously, world-class milk drinking is not as important as graduating serious educational programs. Lists can be ranked in other ways, too: easy to difficult, chronologically, inexpensive to costly. Lists provide structure to a busy life.

Annually, usually around the New Year, I create a short list of all the ambitious things I hope to accomplish in the next 12 months. It had been years, however, since I’d made a serious bucket list. During these past four months of traveling, I’ve been drafting my new and improved Y2K9BL.

I won’t publish my Y2K9BL for fear of public scrutiny, humiliation and ridicule. Many things on my new list mirror what I remember from that high school list. Items like winning high school championships are gone forever, replaced with the knowledge that my body has physical limitations, is not as gifted as others’ no matter how hard I train, and that athletic personal records (PRs) are really the only objective measurements we have to gauge our progress and achievement. Completing an Ironman Triathlon remains on the list, however. Some of the silly goals are gone, replaced with other silly goals. I no longer care to drink three gallons of milk in one day now that my metabolism has slowed, and my average daily milk intake can be measured in tablespoons. Instead I will complete an official top-notch state-licensing bartending school (already scheduled).

This new list is much more realistic than my reach-for-the-stars high school dreams. I know fairly well the limits of my mind and body and have big life goals (e.g., having a family, achieving professional dreams) that will consume my opportunity for some of the less important items on the list. Additionally, I have a desire to do things that result in new skill sets or contribute to others in some way. In other words, I know I can’t do it all, but wish to do some meaningful things, for myself and others.

Do you have a “bucket list,” write New Year’s resolutions, keep a 5/10/20 year plan, or maintain some other goal tracking plan? When was the last time you updated it? Do you write only serious goals or do you set some ridiculous and fun goals, too? Are you taking the required steps to line-through any of the items on your list?

Khao San Road in Bangkok, Thailand is the hub of all tourist roads in SE Asia. Here I am doing my very best to look like a tourist---Lonely Planet guide and water bottle in hands, goofy $3 T-shirt, backpack, tennis shoes. Yep, there's no way I can pass as a Thai!

“I had ambiguous feelings about the differences between tourists and travelers—the problem being that the more I traveled, the  smaller the differences became.”   The Beach, Alex Garland

Here’s the thing: No traveler can merge with a new culture and environment. It’s impossible. Even expats I’ve met, who have lived in foreign countries for years, stand out like sore thumbs. Here is a “You know you’re a tourist if” list I jotted down briefly tonight, after reminiscing my last four months. I’m sure I’ve missed many things. I’ve done a few of these, but most were done by typical “backpackers” I’ve seen. I’ve seen all types of travelers, from backpackers with monstrous 100-pound packs full of high-technology boots and mountain gear, with big Nalgene water bottles attached, iPod in pocket, sunglasses on, and being led around like cattle with a bunch of other foreigners…to families demanding certain rooms within hotels, needing a McDonalds fix, being transported by taxi everywhere, and ignoring locals as if they are accessories.

Again, for the record, this is not a list of things I’ve done! It is a list of things I’ve seen tourists do, a few of which were done by me. I have $100 running shoes that I wear day in and day out. They are the only footwear I have. My backpack was free and with everything in it weighs only 25 pounds (10 pounds of which is laptop and accessories).  I have spent only a week of my 120+ days traveling with other tourists and staying in hostels or on heavy “backpacker streets” like Khao San Road. The rest of my time, the very large majority, has been traveling independently, away from guided tours. I have used travel books, which are very useful by the way, only in Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia. I “played it by ear” in the other countries I visited. I can and do usually stay in comfortable local guesthouses, but go for the bottom end places ($5/night) about a fourth of the time. I’ve washed my own clothes, usually take public transportation when it’s available, and probably interact with locals far more than I should. I avoid fast food places, but every other day or so will “cheat” by eating at a Westernized restaurant or downing a pack of Oreos! Women give me much more attention than I deserve, kids have thrown rocks at me, locals try to rip me off, and I often brush up against the toilet when taking showers in the tiny hotel bathrooms. On a typical day, you would see me walking down the street or motorbiking, with nothing more than a pen, my wallet and $30. This is my experience.  What is yours?

What have been your experiences traveling? What have you seen others do or what has happened to you that makes you definitely feel like or qualify as a tourist, whether domestically or internationally?

You know you’re a tourist if you look around and nobody near you speaks the local language.

You know you’re a tourist if you have $100 shoes while your tour guide is barefoot or wearing broken flip flops on a mountain hike.

You know you’re a tourist if you require air conditioning.

You know you’re a tourist if you require hot water to shower.

You know you’re a tourist if you don’t know how to use chopsticks.

You know you’re a Western male tourist in SE Asia if women give you ten times as much attention as you get elsewhere.

You know you’re a tourist if you’ve never asked a local resident personal questions.

You know you’re a tourist if you don’t drink the water.

You know you’re a tourist if you take daily medications.

You know you’re a tourist if you think napkins should be free.

You know you’re a tourist if you are stunned to see women breast feeding in public.

You know you’re a tourist if your suitcase costs as much as a new motorbike bought locally.

You know you’re a tourist if kids smile, point, laugh, and occasionally throw rocks at you.

You know you’re a tourist if your first instinct is to call the police when an accident happens.

You know you’re a tourist if little kids demand money for “keeping your bike safe” while you eat lunch.

You know you’re a tourist if Thai women call you “Cheap Charlie.”

You know you’re a tourist if women smile at you, but men look suspiciously at you.

You know you're a tourist if you find yourself at one of the most impressive natural inspirations in the world and see a whale-shaped garbage can at the end of a long line of other tourists.

You know you’re a tourist if you carry a camera everywhere.

You know you’re a tourist if hotel staff assume you’d rather take a $10 taxi than a 30-cent public bus.

You know you’re a tourist if you eat at Burger King when in Thailand.

You know you’re a tourist if local merchants ask you for 20 times the market rate for services.

You know you’re a tourist if you find yourself walking down the street with a Lonely Planet guidebook.

You know you’re a tourist if you buy bottled water or have a special, high-tech plastic bottle strapped to your pack.

You know you’re a tourist if the local vendor says “Where you from? You buy from me!” in one breath, not giving you the chance to say where you’re from.

You know you’re a tourist if you ask the waitress if they have WiFi before deciding whether or not to eat at her restaurant.

You know you’re a tourist if your leg regularly bumps into the toilet while taking a shower.

You know you’re a tourist if you’re in a foreign country and have more tourists than locals around you.

You know you’re a tourist if you find yourself in Mongolia wearing a Piggly Wiggly T-shirt.

Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. The man labeled "confirmed threat" unsuccessfully tried to pick pocket my camera. I was so angry that I started taking pictures of him with the very camera he tried to steal. It led to a confrontation, but the pictures ended up with the police. As it turns out, this guy is a leader of an organized pick pocket ring, and is dangerous. I was lucky. The two women sitting down helped me out afterward, and their very presence probably kept the thief from getting violent. After traveling a while and having some security close calls, this picture illustrates cartoonishly how the brain starts to function. You can call it stereotyping, profiling, or whatever you want...but I call it necessary to my safety.

Have you ever walked down a street, changing directions when you saw someone that gave you a bad feeling? Afterward, did you realize what you did is arguably sexist, racist, ageist, or some kind of cultural discrimination? In Central and Southeast Asia, I have had many such situations and am convinced that demographic discrimination (profiling) is essential to safe worldly travels. With so much talk of discrimination in America recently, sparked by big political issues being debated, I want to throw some “brain food” out there that many of the political pundits don’t consider, namely, the benefits, necessity, and logic of discrimination.

As a biology major, I had a professor who once said something like “Tell me the nature of the crime, and I’ll tell you the gender of the criminal.” The FBI and other organizations have professionals who are able to look at clues and figure out fairly accurately the background of those involved. How do they do this? Using years of case studies and experience, they recognize correlations. It isn’t magic, and it isn’t some evil, nefarious practice. Rather, it is a way to indentify likelihood and prioritize efforts, thereby catching criminals faster and keeping the public safer. Simply put, certain demographics are much more likely to commit certain crimes. Ignoring that, while maybe “politically correct,” is naive and will never lead us to the roots of problems.

As individuals, we have our own mental files of “case studies” and experience from which we draw sweeping generalizations of others. There is nothing wrong with this, as it is a natural defense mechanism. We would be foolish to try to eliminate this personalized profiling from our own thinking or to attempt to raise children “blind” to the differences of others. If all crimes in every city in the world were committed in equal rations by the different age, gender, racial, religious, and other groups, then sure, we could strive for some kind of utopian society in which everybody is considered equal from the get-go. Unfortunately, those of us in the real world know that this is an impossible undertaking in our lifetimes. To force ourselves or children to be blind to differences opens us up to injury in the “real world.”

I am nearly always aware overseas, in varying degrees, of my personal safety. If I don’t like how somebody looks, and get that “gut feeling” something isn’t right, I remove myself from the environment. When I want a picture of myself, I seek tourists or local women to operate my camera, while intentionally avoiding local men aged 15-50. Let me offer some cases which have led this year to my further profiling or discriminating while traveling:

-In Vietnam, I went to the Cu Chi tunnels with a woman I met through couchsurfing (another topic forthcoming). While enjoying a drink of water near the concession stand, two men in their early 20s kept watching us. I would see one look at my camera or her purse, then I’d catch them looking at each other, doing that unspoken eyetalk we all recognize. Well, they walked by our table a couple times and my “gut feeling” was that these guys had designs on our belongings. I did what I thought necessary to keep us from getting robbed, but it became one of several instances that made me instantly distrustful of almost all Vietnamese men by the time I left the country.

-I avoid being anywhere near “ladyboys,” the famous transgendered population in Thailand, both because of the strangeness of them, and for my own safety. Most, I’m told, are prostitutes and thieves, sometimes using hidden, drug-laced needles to sedate victims or ganging up on drunk men to rob them of their money. Not all are prostitutes, and not all are thieves, but enough are that it’s a good idea to avoid them altogether, don’t you think? Aside from this one group, I’ve found myself generally comfortable and trusting of all Thais, much more so than I was of Vietnamese men.

- Various resources mention that organized pick pocketing in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia is often executed by pairs of men. So, guess who I was wary of, particularly when they were eyeballing my wallet or camera? Sure enough, one day at a busy outdoor market full of families, kids, and elders, two men in their 20s with no shopping bags, just moving along the crowds, were scanning others, particularly tourists. I positioned myself in such a way that they would have to face me head-on if they hoped to rob me. I have no doubt that they were looking for an easy loot. Just a few days later, a man in his 30s, working with others, unsuccessfully attempted to steal my camera while I was leaving the main post office.

-In South Korea, I had a couple instances where very old men wanted to practice English with me. Soon, the conversation would delve into religion. Religion, and learning English, happen to be incredibly big business in South Korea. Next thing I knew, I was being asked to teach English to some kind of religious group. After that happened a couple times, I started automatically labeling old South Korean men, who wanted to talk, as religious zealots targeting me! These were perfectly harmless men, but it illustrates how easily our minds start developing reactions to the patterns we experience. I don’t see myself as some anti-South-Korean-old-religious-men hater, but if I visit Seoul again and am approached, I will have my defenses up, ready to decline an offer to teach English at a church.

-Turning the tables around, as a tourist I am approached every day by dozens of people trying to sell me things. Locals don’t deal with this regular harassment. So, in a way, locals profile tourists as walking piggy banks, full of money. I could grow a big beard, shave my head bald, trade clothing with a local, and I believe I would still get approached. Expats I’ve met that have been living overseas for years continue to stand out like sore thumbs. I have that “foreigner” look about me and there is nothing I can do to erase it. As a man traveling alone, I get propositioned nearly every day. When I’ve shared this with female tourists, most are somewhat amazed. They are immune to the illegal human trafficking and sex industry that is rampant in Southeast Asia. Why do they pick on me? Because I fit a specific demographic that has a much higher likelihood of being interested in their “products.” They would be wasting their time trying to get middle-aged women to visit a go-go bar. Tourists are “victims” of this business profiling, but it still goes to show how people, the world over, make sweeping judgments based on appearances.

Even within the examples given, I don’t fully breakdown the detail of discrimination I use. It is far too complex and involves some intuition. For instance, it is too general to say I am wary of all Vietnamese men. In fact, when in Vietnam, I was unworried about men who appeared wealthy, because I had no reason to believe they would want the $30 I carried in my wallet. Men walking around with their wives or children seemed harmless to me. Taxi drivers, while incredibly annoying, were not a threat to me. We all analyze, even if subconsciously, so many different aspects of people to determine their agendas, to determine if we can trust them.

My favorite part of traveling is interacting with locals. I like to gain a deeper understanding of cultures than what I read in the travel books or see in movies. The differences among people are what make us fascinating, interesting, and worth celebrating. Why would we want to become some homogeneous, boring society? Trying to be “blind” to differences will not solve any problems. Maybe a better solution is to keep our eyes wide open, fully acknowledge then learn about those differences.

It’s okay to have preconceived notions—often, those notions are correct! If incorrect, we at least have an initial basis from which to learn. It’s okay to “discriminate” or “profile,” using our experiences to keep safe from those most likely to do us harm. Let’s get out of our minds this idea that any kind of discrimination and profiling are politically incorrect and despicable.

My intent here is to demonstrate that working toward a “colorblind, gender-blind, age-blind” society is naive at best, potentially unsafe, and hypocritical in attempts to tolerate and celebrate diversity. Additionally, my intent is to show that all of us have experiences that shape how we view others, and that treating groups of people differently isn’t necessarily so simplistic that we should cry “racism,” or “sexism” every time our feelings get hurt. That “discrimination” we all exhibit is often based on a natural desire for self preservation, shaped by our experiences, and has nothing evil or ignorant about it.

What do you think? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt at risk from a person you had never seen before or talked to? When traveling overseas and initiating conversations with strangers or seeking help, do you tend to favor a certain demographic or do you just grab the nearest person, having 100% trust in everyone? Do you think having a personal “profiling” mental database has been helpful to you, or is it something you feel needs to be eliminated from our thinking if we are to have a better society?