Endless, Nameless, Restless

Drugs

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:25:00 +0000

NO I DONT DEAL DRUGS NOR DO THEM!

(wouldn't mind trying though BUT THATS NOT THE POINT)

SERIOUS PART STARTS HERE:

Isn't it funny how some people do drugs and they just see stuff and think differently, and you take them to rehab.

But aren't drugs kinda like god?

I mean a lotta people are against the idea of god.

And god can make you seem a bit supersticious.

Drugs can make you hallucinate.

"DERP SAED ARE YOU COMPARING GOD TO DRUGS!! HOW HORRIBLE OF YOU!! ASTA5FARALLAH BURN IN HELL!!!"

well stfu

"KKLOL"

it's similar.

Just like when people tell you "man you gotta secure your future" it's like believing in god, but people would say "man you gotta secure your afterlife"

THINK

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:25:00 +0000

Night

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 01:33:00 +0000

Just up at 4:33am. Can't sleep. This weekend seriously violated my sleeping schedule.

Funny thing... Arabic makes things sound more complex than they are sometimes... I'm just saying lol, kolo 5ara ya 3aalam it's not like that. Find your nirvana somewhere else, rather than analyzing every single thing. why are people scared of contradicting themselves? lol :D (seewutididthar?)

I have a Calculus quiz tomorrow and i have to be up in 3 hours. But it's nothing big, done it before and stuff.

Oh well...

Funny thing... being up right now, listening to the prayer, it sounds kinda nice. Anything religious should never be played in a taxi, and should never be played then forced upon others, and nobody should make you stop playing music for it. It's a respect to everything spiritual. I'm not religious, and I don't follow a religion, but it's good manners to just not play music when there's a prayer around.

Another funny thing... Why do people only ask those who don't fast "why don't you fast?" when not a single person asks someone who is fasting "why are you fasting?"

I mean seriously people, asking anyone whos fasting that question would give Amman a higher class of thinking lol.

Also, Marty Friedman (ex-Guitarist of Megadeth), has a bunch of nice instrumentals from his solo albums. You should listen to "Night" and "Loneliness", they're pretty soothing.

Hm..

Oh I got new strings today. I hope that by the end of this month I am able to get an effects pedal. That would be amazing. Then maybe I would be able to get a good guitar later. I really have some stuff that I wanna put down in music. OH and I should go get that rababa already :\

Meh... Well for now I'm broke and I need to like... slow down.

Hmm I guess I'm a bit lost at this time.

You know it's weird.

So many things happened in the past year now that I think about it. You know I'm pretty sure I got misunderstood and fucked and bent over and got better and got confused and all that, but from last year to now, I think it went pretty well.

After this summer semester is over I'm gonna re-intensify my playing. Like the past year I have been like messing around scales, learning some here-and-theres, funk stuff then jazz stuff then mixing some blues with arab-sounding scales. Like I discovered stuff on my own in a way. Got some of me out there in my playing style. I can solo along with almost any rythem. But I need more consistancy in my playing. Lost that yellow pick one day, and now I'm playing with a friend's glow-in-the-dark pick which really slips out of my fingers a lot and makes me feel unstable on the guitar. My sweaty hands need the old pick back :\

Oh well.

What to do now... still got almost half of the laptop's battery left...

No thougts right now.

Just unstable. It's a lotta weight now that I think about it being there for your family and being the "man of the house". I mean I realized the past few months that I'm actually in the house and that my being there and my actions affect more than I know.

GOSH I wanna drink so bad lol. The family kinda reunites over drinks. It's pretty cool. But I'm thinking about not drinking this Ramadan. But I don't wanna make that promise to myself yet because I probably will end up drinking with Imad at some point. Yeah I'm broke though, so we'll see what happens with that lol.

I really feel like going out with a bunch of people but I gotta say. Now, from personal experience, I really understand how an economy can stress you out and create problems at home. If you don't go out much, you feel like shit, and you stress out REALLY EASILY, and you have NOTHING TO DO, and well... you become unproductive and develop stuff to get rid of the boredom. Oh and you feel a tad unsocial, but that'll probably change tomorrow for me since I will be making human contact at uni lol.

Hmm... there isn't much to talk about with people :\ it really sucks. Lol it would be funny if they could like just watch you rant as if they're reading your blog (oh nevermind, that would be vlogging).

But yeah, I'm sick of so much small talk -.- I mean it's the end of the semester and you still get people asking "2a man shoo 3alek halla2? 5allaset?" DUDE, you see me sitting 3al 2ard zay il sha77ad with people here EVERYDAY, do you think I suddenly have a class I have to go to? ... well then again I'm being a bit harsh, it's a good conversation starter... sometimes.

Well actually the thing is that if you actually have something to talk aobut, you talk. Some people just don't click and you just stare at eachother and around you and touch yourself (appropriately here, calm down kids), tap on your thigh, and you just don't talk. YOU JUST CAN'T TALK.

Yeah it sucks ass doesn't it?

Meh oh well.

I guess sometimes those awkward situations are created mentally. Like you meet someone for a while, then you go "oh we just don't click" but you might "click", and probably you will, coz probably everyone can "click", it's just about the attitude, and the stubborn assholeness of the people. But we all have our rights to choose who we talk to. Then the awkward attitude became a pandemic and people everywhere tend to resort to it.

Yes btw 3am bafti la2alla wo batfalsaf, but I think I'm starting to get sleepy so yay!!!

Funny I never thought I would keep blogging til now. I mean blogging was a phase where a lot of people got into it, then just a few good ones remain and keep writing. It was like a trend at some point. But I still enjoy it from time to time.

Is life really all aobut phases? I hope I never lose my passion for anything I do. I think I lost my passion for drawing since I became an architecture student. It drains your passion really, you learn to become a part of the system, a pawn in a monarchy, a cog in the machine. I don't want that. They really try to tame your artistic talents in school and university. It's almost shameless. And your parents make you study because giving up your passion is the best way to be "secure"

Security sucks. I don't wanna have a secure life. It's nice to be a freebird. We don't have enoguh freebirds in Jordan to inspire revolution or strength or passion in the people. It's horrible. We're so systemized, we're trapped in whining about the things that don't matter really, and we don't realize what we're a part of until it's too late.

We're just a part of the system and we're going according to plan by not fighting back. Now they're trying to organize our art into their system. Just like they organized artists to be architects.

Meh..

Oh shit it's 5:07 now, :\ gotta sleep now. :)

Nice talkin to ya, minshoofak man, yalla salam, 3ala raasi walla

lol'd

Okay yalla good night fuckers

In celebration of the Earth Mother

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 10:58:00 +0000

Alyana says:
do u fast
Sa3ed says:
nope
do you?
Alyana says:
yuo
u dont
lol
dont u wana try to?
Sa3ed says:
i used to zamaan then no lol
and no i dont wanna try >.<
Alyana says:
why
Sa3ed says:
i dunno dont feel like it
Alyana says:
u dont have to feel like it
Sa3ed says:
o.0
huh? lol
Alyana says:
exactly
Alyana says:
there are something thing u do which u dont have to feel like
just do it
Sa3ed says:
give me a good reason lol
btw what you said still didnt make sense
Alyana says:
sometimes its healthy to take a parallel road
Sa3ed says:
well yeah, i used to fast, now i dont
Alyana says:
what didnt make sense?
Sa3ed says:
and some days i dont eat alot
its a bunch of roads
xD
Alyana says:
why did u used to fast?
what happend now?
Sa3ed says:
coz i was a kid and used to just be scared, and i didnt think about why i fasted i just did
Alyana says:
well u get good deads if u do
Sa3ed says:
and i learned some discipline from it, but i dont really feel like fasting anymore
lol, i get good deeds from a lotta things other than just not eating
Alyana says:
its not about Not eating
Ramadan is not defined as: a month of just not eating
its true u do get good deed by other things
but this month is like an offer
Sa3ed says:
lol
Alyana says:
of getting double and tripple the deeds
lool dont laugh\
its true
Sa3ed says:
shoo sales? xD
yeah i remember hearing that from school, but it doesnt make sense to like, do good in the month, and then end up forgetting aobut it the rest of the year
Alyana says:
mu sales am tryna talk in a way u;d understand it
lool
Sa3ed says:
whic ha lotta people do coz of them being forced to do it
lol yeah i know what tou mean xD
Alyana says:
ita not about that
its not like how u phrased it
Sa3ed says:
lol i know
but inno the point is
Alyana says:
aha..?
Sa3ed says:
even if it's an offer to get even more "good deeds", the idea of "an offer" just seems like a bad idea, since people should be doing good the whole year
and i do that
Alyana says:
u do good all the year
but in this month
Sa3ed says:
and i'll keep it up through the month, but i'll eat lol
Alyana says:
its called shahr el maghfirah
which means
Sa3ed says:
forgiveness
Alyana says:
the doors of heaven opens and dors of hell closes
its like do one tiny good thing and u;d bunch of good deeds
so why not do the '3ibadeh' which u r required to do
Sa3ed says:
but why do i need to if im already doing good stufF? lol
Alyana says:
coz the wrong stuff u did all year long will be forgiven
If u do what u r asked for
Sa3ed says:
i am pretty sure i probably did NOTHING wrong all year, except for failing classes lol
Alyana says:
u think 'drinking' is not wrong
in a way?
Sa3ed says:
i dont think it is wrong to be honest
Alyana says:
did u Not curse at anyone in this year?
Sa3ed says:
yeah, but why is cursing bad if it does no harm?
Alyana says:
for every action u do
u either get a good or bad deed for it
Sa3ed says:
i mean unless you insult someone, and i didnt insult anyone
Alyana says:
how can u tell that it does no harm
Sa3ed says:
can't you tell when you harm someone?
Alyana says:
not all the time
if u wer in a cab
and u cursed at a guy without him knowing
u take all the bad deeds
very small actions
Sa3ed says:
not really, did you never curse at someone in your head?
Alyana says:
i do
Sa3ed says:
and why would i take bad deeds if i didnt hurt anyone?
it's not like i got outta the car wo i told him "yee shoo 7mar, what are you doing? leish nayem 3al matab"
Alyana says:
coz u know how it is said: al2a3mal bel niyyat
nayem 3al matab? lmao
Sa3ed says:
yeah, and if my intention is venting out the fact that the dude in the car pissed me off, why would it be bad?
looool yeah when they slow down 3ala matab xD
Alyana says:
lool
see
Sa3ed says:
what? o.0
Alyana says:
thats how u think about things
Sa3ed says:
and....?
Alyana says:
u think good and bad deeds are only about if u harm others or not
Sa3ed says:
of course it is
give me a bad deed that odesnt hurt anyone
Alyana says:
what about religion?
God
what he asks from u
the 5 basics..
u not fasting ramadan is a bad deed wich doesnt harm anyone
Sa3ed says:
well, my idea of god is that hes understanding, and no offense 3anjad, but i don't imagine god as an entity wanting people to give him attention
yeah well me not fasting isnt really a bad deed
why would it be a bad deed if i didnt fast?
Alyana says:
ok why did God ask people to fast from the first place then?
Sa3ed says:
well
Alyana says:
coz its a rule set which u have to fallow
Sa3ed says:
no i dont think so
Alyana says:
a ule with benefits
Sa3ed says:
i think he created fasting in order for people to realize the value of what they have
no, the cause comes before the effect
Alyana says:
exactly...its a rule with a lot of benefits
Sa3ed says:
it's not like "okay fast" then he thought "oh this is useful!"
lol
no it's benefits which became a rule
i got my benefit
Alyana says:
tayyeb mtl drinking
Sa3ed says:
and i have value for everything
Alyana says:
people used to drink zman
and it was allowed
but then when people started to abuse it and get drunk
sarat forbiden
Sa3ed says:
yeah
im not abusing it
and actually
Alyana says:
so that means
Sa3ed says:
its not coz they abuse it -.-
Alyana says:
there is a reason
Sa3ed says:
because they started sleeping around, going crazy
hurting eachother
Alyana says:
for everything we are asked for
Sa3ed says:
there IS a reason
and thats why i do something and consider the reason of it, not the rule
Alyana says:
exactly
Sa3ed says:
i drink
Alyana says:
well
there are a lot of thing we as humans dont know the reasons of it
Sa3ed says:
but when im drunk, i dont sleep around and get people pregnant, in fact when i drink, a lot of people enjoy my company
Alyana says:
so to stay on the safe side..u just do all what u r asked for
Sa3ed says:
well i dont think it should be a safe side thing, i mean god would understand why you do things, and he would get pissed if you like.. do something wrong
doing something wrong is different that NOT doing something right (on a personal scale)
Alyana says:
like..?
Sa3ed says:
and if we never make mistakes we will never learn
Alyana says:
not doing what he is askig u to do
Sa3ed says:
huh?
okay, tab whats the logic behind him asking us to do things?
answer is the fact that he wants us to learn things
not coz he just wants us to follow
Alyana says:
exactly
Sa3ed says:
so i dont think he'd mind if we learned our lessons
exactly -.-
Alyana says:
its not just about learing a lesson
Sa3ed says:
willa? what do u think it is?
Alyana says:
its a 3ibadeh
its like prayng
Sa3ed says:
praying is in fact meditation, kinda like a time to be alone with yourself
Alyana says:
and he was reallly easy on people and made it only one month of the year not the whole year
Sa3ed says:
dude
Alyana says:
lool i just love those arguments..i do em every ramadan with different people
Sa3ed says:
yeah ur not very good at them
its like no matter what i say you end up at "just do what he says" lol
and i tell you, i did what he said a few times, and i learned the lessons
why should i do it again
if i value everything
and i have morals higher than people who do pray (biggest example. my aunt's husband) hes a nassab but he has a le7yeh and prays and went to 3omra and hes greedy
Alyana says:
no saed
Sa3ed says:
dude -.-
Alyana says:
its deeper than that
i jsut dont know how to explain it to you
Sa3ed says:
coz you dont know the explaination -.-
Alyana says:
alyana is not good at talking
Sa3ed says:
looool
keef its deeper?
Alyana says:
but if only u get into my head u know what i mean
i do know the explanation ofcours
Sa3ed says:
if you're gonna be talking about how you have to be at his mercy in order to live, and that he wnats us to live at his mercy i really disagree
Alyana says:
why u think i do fast from the first place
Sa3ed says:
tab say it lol
Alyana says:
i;ve been telling
u
Sa3ed says:
its deep, and i do know that depth and i reach it whether i do everything he says or not -.-
Alyana says:
but coz u dont belive in God from the first place.
Sa3ed says:
ma da5al -.-
Alyana says:
then ur nt gna get convised law mallion saneh
dakhal
Sa3ed says:
dude -.-
1st, im agnostic, not an atheist
Alyana says:
coz u dont believe in having 'basics' in ur religion
Sa3ed says:
huh?
i dont get what you meant the last thing
by the last thing*
Alyana says:
basics?
Sa3ed says:
the whole statement
Alyana says:
there are difference in every religion
christiany, islam and jew are close and shi wa7ed that makes em different or shaghliten
Islam believe in one God and mohd his prophet
Sa3ed says:
dude ur going off topic
Alyana says:
and thr book is Quraan
wait
christianity, jesus son of god and thr book is the bible
what r u?
what book do u have?
Sa3ed says:
lol
Alyana says:
and what do u exactly believe in?
Sa3ed says:
okay can i talk now?
Alyana says:
2al calculus beh
Sa3ed says:
looooool
Alyana says:
ok..
Sa3ed says:
HAHA
okay
Alyana says:
oh yeah i got a 6
Sa3ed says:
wait we'll talk about that later
Alyana says:
lol
Sa3ed says:
okay what i believe in is that god does exist
and every religion is a person's (prophet's) method of reaching god
that is all it's that simpl
simple*
now some religions say that drinking is bad, because probably at the time it started, people drank in a completely irresponsible manner
arent religions all from the same god?
then why would god tell christians it's okay to drink responsibly, while in islam it's completely wrong?
because each was at a different time
each were brought by different people
and people acted differently at the time
Alyana says:
exactly
Sa3ed says:
why was there 7ijab? because back then men fucked everything 3adi
Alyana says:
thats why God sent a rasool for every time period
Sa3ed says:
im not done --
lol
Alyana says:
ok..
Sa3ed says:
xD
people are different at each time. People had no value for food, and an excessive amount of food was like a luxury, even if half of it went to waste. they used to eat bil habal. fasting is like bringing the idea of "dont eat too much, but understand the value of everything"
religions themselves even as a whole
indirectly, if you think deep enough, it says "enjoy your freedom, but don't step on other people's toes
that's the golden rule
don't hurt anyone
it depends on the time
and i dont fast because i dont eat too much, i dont spend too much, im very careful about certain things
and i know you're supposed to follow the rule, but if you have the essence and the cause of the rule instated in you, why must you keep fasting? sure it will instill the idea of fasting in you, but trust me, i know the value of everything due to fasting on other things in life
other than food and cursing, i dont spend too much
that's like fasting
the discipline of fasting could be learnt in many ways
the schools teach you discipline
your home teaches you discipline
if you're poor you learn discipline about eating too much and spending too much and you learn to be careful
you learn to tihnk
not ONLY through fasting
so my opinion is that i dont have to fast because i am already learning what is meant to be learnt through my lifestyle and my conditions of living
and im sure that god would understand that
so i dont stick to one religion
and my belief about religion is that i have none, because religion in our time is nothing but politics
best example is terrorism in the name of islam
back in the rasool's days they fought smartly
mish suicidally
they retreated when they had t
to
and they used force when they wanted to tell the others to be careful
now they're doing it mindlessly, it's not religion at all
so my belief is that religions are politics and that god does exist
but i reach god by taking from everything i learn about him
Sa3ed says:
i read about satanism (i learned to fight back if someon treads on my feet too much) i read about bhuddism (and learned about simplicity in lifestyle) i read about christianity (learned about forgiveness) read about and was raised with islam (and i learned about discipline and the value of freedom and how people can ruin god for others)
so no i dont believe that i NEED to follow rules to please god
i meditate/pray through music
since prayer is in fact meditation and focussing of mind power in a direction

Sa3ed says:
i meditate when i play music and go into a trance through playing the guitar and getting caught up with a melody
i pray when i sit in silence
i learn the value of my life and health when i smoke
and i learn the beauty of being sober after im drunk
thats what i believe in
the end
phew t3ibet
Alyana says:
*claps*
a5eeran

Alyana says:
what i waned to sa saed
Weedz says:
ya 5ayen u deleted me
Alyana says:
some of what u said made sense and others didnts
Weedz says:
LOOL
Alyana says:
am talking
Weedz says:
go ahead plz

Sa3ed says:
i didnt delete you i always see you online o.0
Alyana says:
u saidu beleive that every person should be his own prophet
Alyana says:
and a summary of what u said
Weedz says:
i dont c u
Sa3ed says:
no i didnt say that lol
Weedz says:
elmohem
lets listen to what alyana is saying
Alyana says:
is that u have ur own ways in.. praying and learing values and those things
Sa3ed says:
i said that some people followed some prophers ideas coz it fit their lives. and thats waht i think everyone should do
yeah
Alyana says:
well thats wrong
coz prophets were sent in different times and places for different people
like for examply 8awm loo6
but what we believe in
Sa3ed says:
it's not wrong
Alyana says:
is that we know phrophet mohd is the last prophet who gave us ALL the rules of life past, present and future
Sa3ed says:
i disagree
he is the last prophet
but the world changes
Alyana says:
exatly
Sa3ed says:
their world is gone, it's time for a new religion to be here
Weedz says:
but u see .. i disagree that he gave us rules
Alyana says:
have u ever read Quraan?
Weedz says:
the world changes
Sa3ed says:
well not literally
Weedz says:
n he knew that
Alyana says:
have u heard of shyookh?
Weedz says:
n so did God...
they didnt give rules
Islam isnt a set of rules like many make it to be
its a framework
Alyana says:
Quraan has things lissa el 3elem ma 3irfo
Sa3ed says:
dude, im not arguing about islam
Alyana says:
ma ana beddi awaslan to the point of why u should fast
Weedz says:
its really not that hard
do you believe in God?!
Sa3ed says:
yes, but not in religions
Alyana says:
u dont believe in religions coz of what u see from others
thats wrong
Weedz says:
ma da5al... u believe there an all mighty being out there n if it wasnt for that all mighty being u wouldnt be here?
Sa3ed says:
if you put it that way, no :\ see you guys kinda ruin the beauty of god too
its like everyone puts god as "the ruler" or "the dude who'll kick your ass if you're bad"
i see him as the person who forgives you and helps you out
hes not egotistical such that he'd want everyone to just bow down to him
Alyana says:
wel he does forgive you
he helps u a lot
Sa3ed says:
i know that
Alyana says:
he keeping u alive now
Sa3ed says:
see now ur makign him like a warden
Weedz says:
u may believe God, Allah, Yahwe', Mother Nature, Father Time.......... whatever it is you want to believe..... but the Question is do you believe in that power that over rules all?!
Sa3ed says:
dude
it doesn't rule us, it's not a politician lol thats what i hate about religion most of all
lol
it's just there
Weedz says:
I don't believe in a God I fear either
I believe in a God I love ...
Sa3ed says:
yeah, and hes cool he gets my jokes and understands art
Weedz says:
7elu
very nice
Sa3ed says:
and for my part i play music and enjoy the beauty of nature
Weedz says:
he's there...
thats what I want to get to.
Sa3ed says:
he doesnt go "DUDE MA TAKOL I WILL MAKE YOU WALK ON A THIN KNIFE"
Weedz says:
like Oxygen is there and like Trees are there
Sa3ed says:
yeah
it's just part of everything
Weedz says:
exactly
Sa3ed says:
everything has a soul, and hes the soul of the universe
Weedz says:
He IS everything .. not literally
but I mean present in everything
u believe that ?! yes !?
Sa3ed says:
yeah
and it's a she
just coz i can believe that lol
Weedz says:
LOL
Sa3ed says:
alyana comments?
Weedz says:
I believe He is an IT!
Alyana says:
well sorry its not a SHE
Sa3ed says:
yeah should be
Weedz says:
an energy source
a power
Alyana says:
wala IT
its an HE
Sa3ed says:
oh god..
Weedz says:
ma da5al....
Alyana says:
well that what I believe in

Second round

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:44:00 +0000

Second round sucked ass. The only good part was watching Kima play before us. Then we went up there, sucked ass, and left. But fuck it meh.

Vocalist sucked, drummer sucked, I screwed up at one small part at the end of a song. We're supposed to play tomorrow but I think I'm gonna ditch the band or something.

Oh well, more experience.

LIVE PERFORMANCE!

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:41:00 +0000

I played live with a band :)

I thought I sounded okay, and that we sounded okay. And I think I screwed up a few times, but everyone said they saw just one small slip and didnt notice anything else, so I guess it was good. But I hope next time would be better.

:D

Nervous

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 20:16:00 +0000

Nervous

Nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous just soooo fucking nervous!!! MAN!!!

halp halp halp halp :(

I'm so fucking nervous........

But no I have to take a chance and work my ass off, and I will, and I have to...

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:25:00 +0000

Well hey blog, it's me again!

Missed me? I didn't think so.

Yeah I'm just gonna rant, or rather speak my mind. Been a while eh?

Still as psychotic, more pacified, more sarcastic and cynical, laughing at death of a human and tearing at musical sounds and the freedom enjoyed by other creatures.

There's just so much I would say.

Everything is just so fucking surreal right now.
Nothing is happening, I can't feel you anymore, give me my poison let me sense the life in me again. Let it come out.

So much going on, can't be controlled, I don't have the tools to let them out, they're too expensive

Set me free.....

If you deny the evil in you, you deny your true power. And that's what this blog is. I'm not gonna bring anyone down, but I will be honest and tell about everything that's behind the good citizen who is hoping to help the country in one way or another.

I actually did miss blogging, it's actually beautiful when you blog and people might pass by and read what you say but ignore it and don't realize what they miss.

Man I dunno...

I really dunno...

God dammit this feeling... have I felt it before?

Is this really how I was? man some things can really ruin someone, but I'm glad I don't remember feeling this way before, but meh... I don't quite know...

A person being himself the whole time, am I?

Being myself is everything, from the start to the end, I lie, I speak honesty, I am flawed, I am holy, I am broken, I am surviving.

Constant inconsistancy.
Inconsistant consistancy.
Free captivity.
Captive freedom.
Dead life.
Living death.

Nothing but life on the whim of the wind. I live on the edge of nothingness with the belief of safety behind me.

Just harbor the constant and vary with the constant, spin in the broken winds, let out the rage at the prison and let the rage take the form of beauty.

Indeed, though, vuvuzelas are pretty epic to use, you can't blame the audience.

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:13:00 +0000

wat

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:49:00 +0000

Well Good EFFING Morning Amman!
(more excited rather than angry)

Amman is just pushing limits of luxury in order to survive everyday.
I guess that's how it comes up.

"what good business can we start for cheap?"
"well cheap means we don't actually have a place"
"yeah, so delivery, what is there that doesn't get delivered in Amman?"
"well ta7seen, I'm glad you asked; coffee. Don't you hate waking up, being the spoilt brat that you are, and not having your coffee ready? so you put on your wifebeater shirt and beat yourself since you're so god damn lazy that you can't make your own instant coffee in 2 seconds? We have the solution for you! WAIT EVEN LONGER AND HAVE SOME OVER-PRICED COFFEE IN THE MORNING BEFORE WASHING THE DRIED SAND/CUM OFF THE CORNERES OF YOUR MOUTH! Yes you heard me; MOAR OVER-PRICED COFFEE! People are gonna be so JEALOUS of your over-priced coffee, they're gonna buy a new car!"

What- ...? I don't even-

Massage chair

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:54:00 +0000

Massage Chairs are awesome yes, specifically that one at Barakeh Mall, it makes you orgasm like a first time lesbian-prostitute in a 20-woman orgy IT'S LIKE OMG WHATS THAT DOING THERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME! but it's on your back.

And at some point it suddenly grips on your legs and shoves something up your ass at which point you feel violated. But all in all it was a pretty nice experience.

At some point I laughed so hard I teared up, but it was pretty cool lol.

That is all.

Special thanks to "tota" whoever that is, for having no password set up for her wireless internet connection. But it's too slow, shame on you tota, shame on you.

I give up

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 19:48:00 +0000

Right now I see my future as a taxi driver wallowing away in misery, buttsweat, my own piss, and skin cheese.

Well I dunno what I want anymore, again.

I just tried sketching and it didn't work out well, stabbed the paper and buried the body in the garbage can and broke the pencil.

The band isn't going anywhere so far. Dunno what the fuck is gonna happen.

You know what sucks? People who laugh at you when you're seriously talking about the subject and you just sense this heap of negative energy when they do so.

And I'm bored of architecture, I definitely don't wanna work in that field, I don't wanna be locked away in an office.

And my family seems to have hopes in me "ooh you're gonna be an architect, you're gonna design my house and be rich and get me a driver and a car".

But then where would the miserable inspiration come from when I have nothing to fiddle and curse at.

I still don't get it, when did this all happen? When did this country get to me...? Why is my spirit broken...?

5alaaaas gabba3at.

Oh well.

It'll wash off.

Ahh screw it

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:14:00 +0000

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Time Flies

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:48:00 +0000

The title says it all...

So there I am listening to a song by the great composer Nobuo Uematsu, Fisherman's Horizon from Final Fantasy VIII, and it really struck me how that game has been out for like 10 or 11 - if not 12 - years already. I still remember the day when I got it, I didn't enjoy a lot of reading in my games back then, it was pretty confusing, now I'm dying for a game with the same amount of genial gameplay such as the old Final Fantasy games.

It's just really bringing tears to my eyes, while listening to that piece, thinking about how much has happened since then.

Last year of school I used to be overly careful and care too much about others. Then we all graduated and I went the complete opposite and hated everything. "Fell in love" and met a lot of people now that I think about it, random encounters here and there. Now it's like all balancing out. I'm slowly growing up older than everyone else I know. I have always seen myself as an old man at heart. I just can't wait to be one...

The old man with the long hair who lives alone in his house and plays guitar in the street just so he can enjoy his life before he dies... an inevitable end.

Life asks us for too much... Well, society asks for too much, but you gotta admit, it's all memories in the making. I just hope I'm not wasting my chances and passion growing up that quickly. Yeah... I doubt that I am. I believe that I am actually being man enough to live my life pretty well right now. I don't care about contradicting myself anymore, I don't care about what others think of me much, I never do something I don't wanna do, I don't lie to myself, and every action that I take is effective in one way or another; yet after all that, I am an old man at heart.

Because maybe I've seen a lot and I feel that it's enough for me, maybe I'm scared of "living", maybe there's that one thing left and I just didn't experience it, or maybe I already did.

Whatever, I just wish to relax already...

Who knows why, I just do.

Is it us who are too demotivated or is it the world doing something to us?

Something is off anyway, this can't be right, or my upbringing was just not good lol...

Well, I digress...

Time really goes-a-by so sloly (deliberate spelling mistake, kids), been a year since I last saw my big brother/friend, been since December since I saw that other friend, been since the beginning of this year since I haven't had Sushi, been 14 years since the PlayStation came out, been a long time since I saw some other friend, been a while since I've done a perfect design, but I blame the system for that lol. It's been a while since I've had a great time drinking (apart from that friend's birthday, that was epic).

Well we can't just be stuck in the past though, but I'm just saying; TIME F**KING FLIES MAN. I can't believe I'm 20 years old, that's so weird. There's so much shit to go through and I don't mind going through it alone coz then you don't give a crap, but it's more worth it, even more enjoyable, going through it with others as long as they actually like it, and I learnt that in Urban Planning this semester and the previous one.

I love random conversations with strangers, I swear man it can really make your day talking to a random pretty girl or smiling at someone and having them smile back, or asking the garbage man how he is and having some random conversation with him, or talking to a cab driver like he's human, or laughing with other people about your team winning (too bad nobody likes Portugal in Jordan... damn bastards), or saying thank you and smiling at someone and literally seeing how they feel good just for being acknowledged.

Here's for time and the free time we have for appreciating the ripping surprise buttsecks that we are given to by life.

Dear Jordan,

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 12:24:00 +0000

Fuck yourself in the asshole with that gigantic flagpole

why?

Because the only things we can do that are ACTUALYL FUN are expensive! EXCUSE ME for not being rich enough to have fun!

FUCK YOU FOR INCREASING THE ALCOHOL PRICES!

Thanks to you, every hotel, bar, shithole, is now gonna increase the price of a beer by god knows how much, and now anytime I wanna drink to actually chill, I'm gonna have to consider it even more.

WHAT ELSE is there to do? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?

So if the people have fun drinking, you make it expensive?

"DURR LURK THEY'RE BUYING ALCOHOL, LETS MAKE IT EXPENSIVE SO WE CAN MAKE MORE MONEY AND NOT CONSIDER THE FACT THAT WHEN WE MAKE IT EXPENSIVE, WE WONT MAKE ANY MONEY"

MAKE ALCOHOL CHEAPER FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

YOU SUCK ASS AS A COUNTRY!
YOU SUCK ASS AS PEOPLE LOOKING AFTER PEOPLE!

THE ONLY FUCKING THING MAKING THIS COUNTRY WORK IS THE FACT THAT THE PEOPLE ADAPT TO EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MISTAKE AND VICTORY THIS COUNTRY MAKES.

It's like you're living off the people, literally, and we're just fighting to make it along with your rules.

Shoo hal 5aryaneh hay.

What else are you gonna make more expensive? Mish tabee3i, I'm on a limited income and in order to have fun I have to reduce my spending money on everything, so that I can buy something.

It's either I have fun, OR I fuckmyself and do nothing in order to buy a luxury worth of ~500JDs, you can't have both. You either survive having fun, but go nowhere. OR you survive lifeless, with everything you need.
YES JORDAN THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU FUCKING DO!

Everything we like is expensive, til7aso airi.

Shketchej (that's sketches in the old language)

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sat, 29 May 2010 20:30:00 +0000

Just some old sketches I found while procrastinating during my design development work and stuff. Thought I might as well share.

Also, yes I drew these myself quite a while ago.

"Hybrid"

"The Prophecy"

"Vengeance"

Kurt Cobain sketch

"Paranoia"

Random tattoo'd-demon-humanoid sketch

Bob Marley sketch

hm

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Fri, 14 May 2010 23:50:00 +0000

Life is depressing.

That is the truth.

And we're all just looking for a reason to be alive. We're desperate for reasons, because we never wish to accept our pointlessness. And though I love life for all its pointless fun nature, I am hating people that wish to ruin it.

We just love to create order and to work in the system to feel like we matter. You don't have to fucking depress other people just to give yourself a meaning. A crushed man is a friendly humble man, a powerful man is bored and needs meaning.

That's what it seems like...

Also, you. Yes you, you're a selfish cunt, no matter how much you say otherwise, you're fucking fake and full of shit, you're nothing but a selfish bitch. I'm losing all pity for you.

I'm losing all pity for everyone, I don't see humanity in people much anymore.

I am living for my family's survival, I love my family though they need to work together a bit. I am living because I love my friends, Abidal, Alyana, Dumdum, and whatever whoever else. I am waiting to be a legend. I hope I can be.

I wish to create my music to change the way people are...

How fake they can be...

I hate the systems people have....

When someone says you're an asshole and yells, it's rude, but if you say it normally in a quiet tone, they take it as a joke, isn't it ironic? I know it makes sense, but it's a tad ironic.

But almost everything people do makes no sense at all. Desperation is pathetic sometimes, I admit, I can seem desperate since I have a crush on someone and won't do anything, but it's just hilarious when people dress up for impressing people. I like to look good for myself, and a lot of people are like that, but I hate when people fake things.

Hell that faking thing just might be in my head and my head alone. But everything is a matter of perspective. Yeah it is.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sun, 02 May 2010 14:33:00 +0000

Why am I suddenly doubting myself...?

I believe that my thoughts were correct.

Going out of the ordinary into the extraordinary to make people think, creating something at utter pointlessness in order for people to start thinking about it until they lose their sense. It is exactly like life.

What is life but a pointless state that we strive to explain?

The only point she had is that it has to be something quite powerful in order to make people think.

Something ordinary might make the extraordinary ponder, but the ordinary require extraordinary impact to ponder.

No I do not have an ego problem but get in my head, and it makes sense, while I am still among the rubble of the earth with the rest.

.... place something pointless at the approach and allow people to stumble upon it and it will make them think. It is sad that people must be struck by something in order to think about it. Just as we are all struck by the reason of life at some point, and it caused us to think about many things.

A brutal violation of the existing polycarbonate by concrete in order to create a shock...

Seeing that concrete is individual thought, one can ponder the reason of such violation? just as our individual thoughts violated the simple meaninglessness of life only for the reason of giving our lives meaning (philosophically speaking).

Through light?... through imposition...?

hmm...

The Arch of Pulse vs The Free Souls' Beacon
Η αψίδα του παλμού vs Ο φάρος Δωρεάν Νεκρών

I doubt google translator did a good job but meh

Oh well on to the sketch design, hopefully it goes well.

I believe I am ready to get this blog back out there, we'll see

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:21:00 +0000

I hate liking someone it really sucks ass, especially having a crush on someone, seriously.

You just get butterflies in your stomach and feel like staring at their beautiful face >.<

Creepy, I know. But all emotions are sick when put out of context, and when not felt along with other people who feel the same.

Makes sense?

She's really cute, you have no idea how many times I thought of just going up to her and asking her out. But I don't drive, and that kinda kills my confidence, probably because of what my sister said. My sister is a bit of a bitch sometimes, because her words are just sharp and deadly especially if you're not prepared for her next inconsiderate/harsh word, and you never will be.

But I don't care, I don't want the license, I'm a spaz when it comes to driving, I suck at it and I don't really enjoy it much, fuck that. Problem is that Jordan's public trasnportation sucks.

Anyway for some reason I think people love people with cars. It's like a sense of security for them or whatever. So probably I'll be alone until I get a car, even though I hate cars, and don't crave them, and would hate to be driving in traffic, though you have to do that in order to survive. Must we really lock ourselves away in our own little boxes the whole time?

The fact that people only use their private cars is something that increases the barrier between people (SOCIAL EXCLUSION, MAN!) in Jordan. And I make a point when I don't drive. I believe that I change a person every single time I tell a taxi driver that "people don't go to a university to fuck or get fucked."

You would scream racist slurs at someone and they wouldn't defend themselves, and you wouldn't be heard, so you wouldn't feel good, and they'd just not care and think they're okay. I mean seriously, how can you change something if you don't stand up for it?

It's like that in Jordan; there's a war in the street; yeah, I mean it's literally in the street. Every person is in their car, like it's their own prison cell, and they don't deal with anyone else, the impact of that is clear; everyone slows down, everyone is seperated from everyone else.

I think if the public (if you can even call people in Jordan public) sticks together, we can get a much better country. But in our current situation, if the upper class sticks together, they can't change anything, and if the lower class sticks together it can't do anything. So basically we're seperated and fucked and we're a dumb bunch of people. Truth is there is no definition of "class" in Jordan.

In extremes, there are 4 classes in Jordan. There are basically the people with little money, and the people with a whole lot of money, then there are the people with little money who are educated so they seem like they have money, and the people with a lot of money who are uneducated and shallow.

I'm starting to think that fixing public transportation, along with the obvious (education), is the first way to start fixing our country. Think about it, it's cheaper, it's more environmentally friendly, it's easier to organize yourself with it, it provides more jobs, it improves productivity, it allows people to move around without being demotivated, it increases acceptance when people interact together, it allows interaction.

Well why the wait? Why isn't anyone making that step? Yes, we have busses, but the people are not really connected yet, why would anyone use a bus if they feel like they're going to be violated in there?

This is when the government comes into play. We always whine, but we don't do much about it, they can force us. Yet we can pressure them for what we want, only if we're aware of something and are actually willing to do something. Let's help eachother out, no?

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:20:00 +0000

"And I've had recurring nightmares, that I was loved for who I am;
Missed the opportunity to be a better man..."

-Muse, "Hoodoo"

reality....

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 19:41:00 +0000

And they say the world is full of balance

What balance is there?

If I'm a sick fucked up crazy insane person, what's the fucking balance of it.

I jsut threw a fit. Started with the guitar, the guitar isn't feeling friendly lately, it's not fitting with my hands well...
maybe it's jsut that I'm agry lately...

maybe I'm just a fucked up person...

maybe I'm a schizophrenic...

maybe I'm bipolar...

maybe I have serious issues that I don't even know about, just like Freud says...

maybe I'm just a fucked up person...

But no matter what...

I will never see what balance there is in humanity...

Yeah I lost my fucking father, oh how wonderful, the balance is me bewing more feminine; what a fucking cocksucking smartassed balance that is.
I'm a fucking indisciplined idiot, oh how fucking awesome is that, it doesn't balance for shit...
I'm a fucking loser...
I'm a faker...

All my laughter is a reaction to a person talking to me, I don't even have to understand what they say...

I almost fucking destroyed my guitar again... I just punched it a few times...
well excuse me but I didn't mean to but it's just not going well... the guitar is just not going along with me, or maybe I'm not going along with it, EVEN FUCKING TOHUGH I'm doing what I always do, and I'm holding it like I always hold it, and go figure.... I throw a fit, bang my head into a few doors, punch a few things, break a few things, then feel fucking guilty as fuck for punching the wall and worrying about my hands and my head and my guitar playing skills.

Then I kick the closet door and feel bad for breaking that magnet thing at the bottom of it or whatever

Then I feel like an unappreciative bastard...

Look at me..................

Back to my old self again...................

Just being the good old me again.........

Useless, pessimist, good-for-nothing, hopeless, dumbass, idiot bastard who does nothing well....

Not even play the guitar... which is his fucking passion

Not even play the drums... which is another passion

Not even draw... which is a thing he did for his entire life

Not even work ... which is something that he has to do

all he can do is feel sorry for himself and feel like shit and be a dickhead who whines and fucks himself and has no social life and no friends but for people he fakes himself in front of.....

When in reality all he wants to do is just be quiet and do nothing, because thats exactly what he sees himself.... nothing.... just pure fucking nothingness with nothing to do and nothing that cares and no meaning in his life and not a single importance

After all the blame, there is nobody else left to blame but himself...

How can I help myself....

How can I help myself....

FOR GOD'S FUCKING COCK'S SAKE JUST SOMEBODY HEAR ME AND HELP ME OUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!

HEAR ME!!!! GIVE ME SOME FUCKING ATTENTION AND TELL ME THAT I'M WORTH LOVING AND THAT I'M NOT A DISSAPOINTMENT IF I DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO DO!!!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE LET ME BE ME!! WHOEVER THE FUCK THAT IS!!!!

Just tell me that until I fucking believe it...

WHO AM I!!!!!

Deadheaded taxi

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 12:38:00 +0000

Fucking fuckhead, yes it's a dying cat that got hit by a car, instead of stopping to watch it die in your rear view mirror and laughing, shut the fuck up and don't make jokes, you sick sick fucking bastard. I'd rather see people like you getting their limbs torn off and getting eaten alive by ravens and rats rather than a cat. I hope you fucking have an accident with your fucked up driving.

It's people like you who make others suffer; people who don't care; people without apathy; people who make others actually suffer; I hope you die like the fucking bug that you are.

It's people who drive like you do who kill innocent souls.

Fucking dickhead. And you had been talking about prayer.
You sick cockheaded fucker.

Also, I think it's the cat that used to stay at Abidal's house sometimes and we used to play with it a long time ago. It had been living in his neighborhood, and we always recognized it. A beautiful black cat.

RIP

All nighter I

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 22:07:00 +0000

Holy shit, I have 366 blog posts xD

Anyway, I'm up working on design, fee tasleem tomorrow, blog.

Funny thing is that when I saw 366 I remembered my module (3) lol, fits perfectly.

Can't listen to music out loud anymore, my mom and sister went to sleep.

Btw, very much loving Muse right now. Their song Resistance is fucking epic. Well all of their songs are epic.

*long sigh* :)

I feel as if I'm in a state of nirvana.

I feel strong, yet worried, yet able to not care, yet very caring.

So much on my mind, so much I can't say, so much I wish I could, so much I wish I could just speak.
So much wonders wishing to be answered, but can't occupy myself, must keep pushing forward.

Also, we found a drummer (finally).

Wrote a few songs, we'll see what happens.

Might have a faggy name for the band, but I hope we don't lol.

Well my break is over, Godspeed, Cap'n.

I'll probably post again later, blog. If not, then there'll only be a "Part I".

Marning!

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:31:00 +0000

Ahh sweet Death Metal morning.

Dude, seriously, the most fucked up yet VERY VERY AWESOME (for some reason o.0) dreams today!!!

First one: I was with this girl from german class I like and stuff, and yeah a little physical, then before you fucking know it I started seeing some bad gang of people (from what I figured during the dream) and they were apparently very hateful of kids >.>

Anyway, kids getting smashed into walls, blood everywhere, kids getting severed, stuff like that, then all of a sudden their badass dude was like doing his evil laugh part, and then I started seeing other figures kinda like screaming and being scared shitless. They didn't look very friendly. Anyway, yeah very bloody shit.

Second dream had some people I know from uni and back from school, apparently i had to go through some puzzles and mazes in order to survive, while other people I knew were like chilling and it was okay, though sometimes they didn't. It was really random.
One "maze/puzzle" involved nothing visible, but when you press a button on the ground, you realize that you have gasoline all over you, and every now and then, a very prince-of-persia-ish trap would show up; spikes coming out of the ground, and the holes were barely noticeable.

Anyway, some guy tried to mess with a trap or something and then he pulled out his own chainsaw and tried to chop his leg off (noooo idea why, what a dumbass!) then the chainsaw got stuck in his thigh, then he cut off a piece of his thigh so that he can get the chainsaw back and continued chopping his leg off, then I woke up.

Phew, scareh! lol anyway I wrote it down so that I don't forget it

FUCKING HELL YEAHHH!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Saed) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 18:59:00 +0000

I was on the fucking radio! Oh shit forgot to say that the band is back, and WE WERE ON THE RADIO this week! :D

HAAAH I JUST HEARD THE RERUN I WAS ON THE RADIO!! ON THE "ROCK OUT WITH MAHA" SHOW!

yeah shoulda posted this sooner so moar people can hear it lol

BUT YEAH!!!