One of the keys to surviving in a tilted economic system in which opportunities to achieve a decent standard of living will be limited is versatility – and the ability to communicate articulately in a variety of ways with the widest possible audience. This includes bilingual ability as well as the ability to communicate in non-verbal ways for the benefit of the disabled – primarily the deaf.

At the same time, a growing shortage of qualified interpreters fluent in American Sign Language has led to more career opportunities – and if current trends continue, it’s likely that skilled ASL interpreters will have little problem securing lucrative employment in a society where such a commodity is destined to be in short supply.

Signing Before They Can Speak

A great deal of research has clearly demonstrated that the early years – ages 2 to five – are the best time to educate children in different modes of communication and language. This goes beyond the spoken word (though it is an optimal time for children to learn a second language); many young children have an aptitude for signing as well.

This is not as odd as you may think. As you know, many indigenous peoples around the world, including American Indian nations, have used sign language for centuries to facilitate communication with other tribes with whom they do not share a language. Some paleontologists and anthropologists theorize that Neanderthals – who apparently lacked the vocal mechanism to produce many spoken words – depended a great deal upon hand gestures to communicate.

In fact, recent research suggests that sign language is innate. An article published in the Boulder Daily Camera in 2003 presented strong evidence that babies as young as six months old communicate with their hands:

“…by 6 to 7 months, babies can remember a sign. At eight months, children can begin to imitate gestures and sign single words. By 24 months, children can sign compound words and full sentences. They say sign language reduces frustration in young children by giving them a means to express themselves before they know how to talk.” (Glarion, 2003)

The author also cites study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development demonstrating that young children who are taught sign language at an early age actually develop better verbal skills as they get older. The ability to sign has also helped parents in communicating with autistic children; one parent reports that “using sign language allowed her to communicate with her [autistic] son and minimized his frustration…[he now] has an advanced vocabulary and excels in math, spelling and music” (Glarion, 2003).

The Best Time To Start

Not only does early childhood education in signing give pre-verbal youngsters a way to communicate, it can also strengthen the parent-child bond – in addition to giving children a solid foundation for learning a skill that will serve them well in the future. The evidence suggests that the best time to start learning ASL is before a child can even walk – and the implications for facilitating the parent-child relationship are amazing.

Co-written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas

Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the Zionsville educational child care facility, a member of the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose Schools (located in 16 states throughout the U.S.) and part of the network of Indiana educational day care preschools delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum.

While this seems like an easy out, there are a few options prior to making this choice that beg to be considered. Starting with, what is going on with your kid basically? Has the dynamics of his life changed, foundation shifted, like a divorce, change of schools, remarriage? What is the time span of this behavior? If it has been short-lived, keep the lines of communication open and listen when he talks. If it is longer, and talking is resulting in shouting and slamming, or, worse hitting, the next step is possibly implementing a parenting program.

Sometimes this is called a child behavior program, but I like parenting program because it feels more proactive. I am working with my child to become a successful, fulfilled adult and I must have the skills needed in order to do this. There are several different programs on the market. One I use is Parenting with Love and Logic which provides  good information and is geared more toward raising up children who are learning to become independent and may get off track occasionally. I personally favor Total Transformation program as I have had the most success with it. And it also addresses issues with kids who are most difficult to deal with in easy to follow step by step information. When the stress level is high, it is nice to just have a handbook to refer to.

At this time, adding in a therapist or counselor would be highly beneficial. Doing this in conjunction with a parenting program is ideal as you have the added support on an ongoing basis. Sometimes, it may help to place the kiddo in a therapeutic environment until you get your new parenting skills up and running. You will have opportunities in the therapy center to practice as most will offer family counseling.

Last resort, in my opinion, is military school. Some kids will thrive on this structure, but as it addresses the behavior and not the thinking behind the behavior, it may only be a bandaid. If you decide to go this route, have a plan in place when your child gets home. Make structure and accountability priorities in your house, so your child doesn’t slide back into his or her old habits.  Also, I was surprised to learn that many schools won’t accept openly defiant, out-of-control teens. And if they get booted out, you lose your tuition money.

So there are the options. It is up to you to decide – is military school the answer for you and your child?

For many more tips on parenting decisions including the military school option, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

First rule of thumb for an effective child behavior program is to determine what child behaviors you are looking to change. Is it acting  out or is it establishing new behaviors? Let me give you an example of each. Acting out – screaming and yelling in the grocery store; new behavior – a consistent, self–started study time each night.

Once you have determined the child behavior you are working with, you are then able to make a decision on whether to reward or not. For me it is simple, acting out – No! That is just rewarding bad behavior. Setting up new behavior, including acting appropriately in the store, rewards can be a definite plus.

So let’s go over how I implement a reward system:

1. Determine the reward. You can figure out what reward works best for you and your child by just looking at what they like to do or maybe favorite treats. If you are not sure, ask them. Now know that rewards can be as simple as a pat on the back or elaborate as a new video game. I just feel it should be in line with what the new behavior is.
2. Determine the length of time. I have been told that a habit takes 30 days to establish. And I use this as one of my measurements for length of time. If it is a long term behavior, like study skills or cleaning their room or behaving in public, I set up a reward for each time the activity occurs up to 1 month and then have a final reward at the end, usually an outing together or something less monetary and more relational.  I remember using this when potty training. If it is a temporary behavior, like a school project or short term chore, I do something more like after they have completed the daily requirement for that activity give them 15 minutes on their video game. I don’t reward at the end as I believe the feeling of accomplishment and resulting self esteem of seeing a job completed is the reward. Of course, they get an “atta boy”!
3. Open communication. I do not make this process a mystery to my child. I explain how it will work and my expectations when the rewards are finished. This would be something along the lines of “at the end of 30 days of studying every night at 7, you will have added good study habits and perseverance to your tools of becoming a successful adult. This tool will have lifelong rewards.” As for the above acting out example, if you tell them you are going to work on being appropriate in public (always good for the long term!) and set up the rewards before instead of in the middle of the screaming fit, you are letting them know that you reward good behavior and not bad.

Changing or establishing good child behavior is an ongoing and evolving process. This is just one way to help with that. Please note, I do not believe rewarding is bribing as rewarding is a short term process.

Do you have questions on your child behavior program?

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

Teens are additionally masters of thinking errors, which is easy to understand, for the reason that from my personal experience kids do not start thinking rationally until at some point in their twenties. Consequently up until that time, their thinking is defective. A excellent example of this is the victim mentality.

It’s not my fault!

That’s the mantra of the defiant child with the victim attitude – that nothing is ever their mistake. Generally this stance comes about when they’re challenged by a circumstance, or they can’t meet their duties. I’ve got a little shooter that will use any defense in the book not to accomplish his homework, and it’s never his fault. Teacher did not make me check my box. I had to go to youth group. You took too long making dinner and I ran out of time. Brother took my time period on the video game, so I got started late. On and on and on. Always everybody else’s problem.

Here’s the dilemma with that. Generally, whenever a struggling teen won’t meet his obligations, natural consequences will help him change next time. If he doesn’t perform his homework, he will get in trouble by the teacher and perhaps ashamed in front of the class, and next time hopefully he will do his homework. Whenever a teenager has the victim attitude, however, he perceives it is not his wrong doing, so he doesn’t need to really feel ashamed or in trouble. His thinking error is that he did not do anything wrong.

Exactly how do you deal with little victims?

The most effective way to manage this problem is to confront them directly. Inform them “your teacher said you are not getting your homework completed. What is going on?” and let them respond. If they blame someone else, don’t argue with them, but say plainly “This is your responsibility. In the event that you need assistance, you can ask for it. You’re not the victim here – you have options”. Then ask if he has homework, and tell him to go do it and let you know when it’s finished. Zero long lectures, merely get him moving. It’s alright if he seems uncomfortable, that’s precisely where you want him!

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

And right now this one does not want to participate. She so boldly stated to her daddy and I that it is her life and she will do what she wants. Never mind the consequences, she will take them! While this is okay for a 10-year old (usually!), when you are a middle teen (with an emotional age of 10) the stakes get immeasurably higher for this attitude.

Living her life her way, right now looks like lying about everything. She does it so frequently that I believe that it is more natural than telling the truth. Why do I say this? Because she even now is lying to her friends about things that no one even cares about. “I will only have a small piece of meat because I really don’t eat meat”. Yes she does and who cares?! Certainly not the friend who was not only unimpressed but that statement didn’t even register on their “care to know meter”.

Of course, what goes with the lying but sneaking. Wanting control of her life, there is nothing she won’t sneak to do. And most of the time, if she asked (or I’d be happy with even telling us at first), we’d be okay with it. However, telling us makes us in charge of her life.

So the trust in our relationship with her is gone. So much so that I can’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth. Even when she gets caught and goes through her honeymoon period to manipulate us back to sleep (so she thinks), I don’t believe her. And my fear level for a phone call from the police or a positive pregnancy test is off the charts. And by the way, she says that this is our problem, too.

I have spent all of her life knowing and working with this child with abandonment issues. And intensely so the last 2 years. We have had her (and still do) in counseling. Read, listened and watched everything that we can lay our hands on. Formed support groups and starting counseling for us. Implemented, reworked, backed up and tried again over and over again. And she will not budge.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day?

Do you have a RADish? It’s not easy, but there is hope! Two resources we’ve used are When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas and Total Transformation by James Lehman. Both offer tons of help in dealing with your Reactive Attachment Disorder kiddo.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.