easily amazed

Rest in Peace, Jerry Fuchs

2009-11-10T09:25:00.004-07:00

It's been awhile since I was this inspired by reading about another person's life. Death has a way of doing that - inviting people to articulate what is most preciously present in their hearts. I am currently being drawn into the comments and articles being written about Jerry Fuchs. Continuously I am moved to tears by what an incredible human it seems he was and how wonderful that he was alive so fully for as long as he was. I am flooded with emotion by how capable some people are of living in a way that is a genuine gift to those they come in contact with. As individuals we are capable of having such an impact on others and it is clear that Jerry Fuchs lived his life in a profoundly enlivening and inspiring way that added so much to the world. I can only imagine the shock and devastation that his family and friends are feeling right now and I continue to send blessings of love and support to them during this shocking and devastating time. And I am thankful that it feels like he is one of those people who has left everyone still alive with palpable memories of his love and presence that will hopefully remain close and real for them. From one friend of his:

"You were truly one of a kind, and whether you knew it or not, people wanted to be in the same room as you, or near the same room as you, because maybe just maybe, some of that radiant joy and in-the-moment spirit you exuded would rub off on them. You didn’t take it all with you, because there are a lot of people today who are going to feel mighty responsible to carry and spread that joy with them for the rest of the time they have here. And who knows now how long that might be. You were a really good drummer, some might say the best we had, but you were a greater friend. I love you and miss you, Jerry."

I knew Jerry in high school. I didn't know him well at all. He was a couple of years older and greatly looked up to by my group of friends. He was a genuinely sweet and approachable guy with so much beauty and talent. And so we adored him! Clearly that's continued to be the story of his life though I would say more than being adored, he was highly respected and extremely influential and inspiring to many, many people around the world.

He died in a tragic freak accident this weekend. The internet is being flooded with reports of his death as he was a well known drummer. I am learning that his talent was tremendous, stated as one of the best drummers ever by many. And yet all the comments and articles that are written by people that knew him (from acquaintances, journalists, band members, fans and friends all over the world) people are consistently addressing the depth of what a genuinely kind, friendly and considerate human he was. It seems that it doesn't matter if people knew him well or not. I get the feeling that if someone had any contact with him they walked away with the sense of heart connection that comes along with being 'really close' to someone. It sounds like he was a guy that was genuinely available and willing to connect fully with whoever and whatever was in front of him. As I said, I am deeply inspired and moved as I'm sure you will understand when you read the comments below that are filling me up with so much love, admiration, and respect.

"Always considerate. Always polite. Always thinking of others. Always had a good time and ensured a good time. So enthusiastic and passionate. Our lives are different than how they would have been if we had never known him and will be different now that he is gone. THANK YOU JERRY."

"A true friend and exuberant, buoyant spirit."

"It’s hard to believe, there was something so PRESENT about Jerry that it’s almost impossible to believe he’s gone. It’s the passion he brought to his performance, he struck me as wholeheartedly committed to what he was doing, no matter who he was playing with."

"What a talented and totally genuine person he was."

"I was able to catch up with Jerry in Detroit last month when he was on tour with Maserati – that night alone made me realize how much I loved that dude beyond his musically ability, but his love for making people like myself realize that life really isn’t that bad, even if I did suck at bowling."

"I know exactly what you mean about inspiration. Seeing Jerry play always makes you want to find something difficult to do and do it. I didn’t know him but whenever I saw him play drums I wanted to go out and achieve something."

"I'll miss you Jerry, when I hear thunder I will know that is you up in the sky tearing the shit out of the drums."

May you pass peacefully along on your journey, Jerry, and may your love and presence continue to blossom in the hearts of those who have been graced by your life.

All Swirled Into One

2009-11-06T08:30:00.004-07:00

To be honest, I am often fascinated by my experience of being alive. As in, easily amazed! So I guess this time right now of living in the process of so many major life transitions is no exception. And yet, it's definitely new for me. I wish I could easily put words to the nuances and extreme spectrum of feelings and experiences I'm having. I can't do it easily, but I will give it a try!

As a whole, I feel like I'm living many different lives all swirled into one. They blur in and out of each other, overlapping, building upon, disappearing and re-emerging. It's an exhilarating party of experiences. The old joining with the new, familiar and unfamiliar, light and dark... it's very exciting.

And then at other times all the parts don't feel like one life at all. They become compartmentalized. For a moment I'll only be able to feel one thread. Intellectually I know that the others are still there, but a feeling of anxiety will narrow my perception.

It feels like a dance between harmony and chaos. In the frames of chaos, while they feel aggravating and invasive, I get to see the specifics of that particular thread that is holding me down or confining me. Like a mirror that has shattered into many fragments. I get to rest in one shard and notice the details of what it looks and feels like. What is being reflected back to me? I learn its uniqueness. And during the melodic phases it all spins together, the colors blending, creating a new beauty that is birthed from all the connections.

In my heart and body, this all plays out through a huge spectrum of emotions that I feel, that catch me, control me, tickle me and invite me to pay attention. Sometimes the pace at which I swing from one end of the feeling spectrum to the other is fascinating. I'll fly in open-ended freedom sparkling with possibility, promise and potential. Confidence glowing through me. Excitement adding pep to my step. Joy twinkling out the corner of my eye and life wrapping me in an inner smile.

And then suddenly that openness is abruptly punctuated with a barreling thud of doubt and anxiety. Mischievously those contracting emotions creep into my skin and bones, throbbing through my heart and thoughts in unexpected moments. They burrow into my eye brows, yank at my heart, tug me down, spin me into confusion, agitation, uhggg, huh?, and not quite right. A shot of insecurity is injected into my blood stream. Without knowing it, I begin to take myself, my life, my experiences oh-so SERIOUSLY!! (and fortunately, even when all of this is going on, there is a steady constant of content. Of trust. Of knowing that it's all just right.) And yet... I'm feeling the effects of taking myself so-very seriously!!

and then...
ack-a-lacka- splack
spiff, pooof, a wac wac

{shake, shake, shake, shake}

My love for life comes funneling back

The journey feels a bit like an amusement park. Riding the rides, roller coasters flying up and down, tumbling this way and that. Pure joy and passion is the ground where I stand and yet underneath there is an intermittent thrum of fear that surfaces, mumbling rhythms of 'you're not doing it right'... Continuously inviting me to slow down. Notice what's happening. Accept. Love what-is. Rest in stillness. And before I know it, I've moved onto the next ride!

I was on a walk one morning after a particularly emotionally/energetically active and aggressive day. I had this feeling that I was disintegrating. I could feel the spaciousness in my body and cells. An airiness. Pieces breaking apart and disappearing, a field of emptiness present within me... as me. A peaceful calm. I felt how clearly the only thing that mattered was the step that I was taking. And the next step. And the next breath. Exactly what I was supposed to do was to take in, really savor, each moment and the environment around me and inside of me.

I then had the realization that I had no typical identity handles to hold onto. I don't have the habits of being that generally help to shape my identity. In that moment I had no job or profession. No significant other. No home that was my own (I'm 'boarding' in another family's house). No active community that I was tightly woven into. None of those typical outwardly obvious things that one might generally define themself by. I had me. I had life. And this step. And the next, and the next.

This recognition helped me open deeper into a breath of rest. Here it is. I'm living in the unknown. There is little habit or familiarity hinting at what might come in the next moment for me. There aren't the usuals to predict or inform. And yet... there really still are. And here I am. Living what-is. Learning to love what-is in new ways. Continuously being reminded to be gentle with myself and to be patient.

That's a sliver of my inner world.

Many photos are from my Flavors of Life album
Swinging in the Sky by McMorr
Roller Coaster Thrill by Carlos Lorenzo
Path - Should I follow? by Azzazello

Driving Across the Country

2009-10-21T21:05:00.003-06:00

Images that Express Play

2009-10-19T11:31:00.003-06:00

What images do you connect with the word play? Is there a photo, symbol, or drawing that evokes a playful experience within you just by looking at it?

Please share links in the comments or email them to me if they aren't already online. Thank you!

Celebrating Life

2009-10-10T08:54:00.003-06:00

My soul is glowing with recognition, opening wide in awe and wonder and resting in familiarity as I experience Autumn emerging in the mountains of Appalachia. The leaves are changing with their bright life bursting forth, one last powerful hurrah before they let loose, releasing into the heart of winter. It's such an honor to be here for this process. It invites in me to celebrate the exuberance of life and the beauty of change!

(ooh, the photos seem to lose their punchy color in these images. They are a bit better when you click on them... and if I played with them, they'd be even better... another time!)

Baking Cookies for the Neighbors

2009-10-08T10:57:00.001-06:00

When is the last time you baked cookies for a neighbor or cooked some extra dinner and took it to a friend who is struggling to find time to cook? Did you know that doing such activities for others is actually a way to increase the health and well-being of your own children and family? I read an inspiring newsletter this morning on social capital and the value of reaching out to our neighbors. While the newsletter was not intended strictly for parents, it reminded me of the 5 Protective Factors that parents need in order to parent effectively, even under stress, and to diminish the likelihood of child abuse and neglect. This is according to extensive research conducted by Strengthening Families. One of the protective factors is Social Connections. Parents need “friends, family members, neighbors and other members of a community who provide emotional support and concrete assistance to” them.

“Social connections build parents’ “social capital,” their network of others in the community—family, friends, neighbors, churches, etc.—whom they can call on for help solving problems. Friendships lead to mutual assistance in obtaining resources that all families need from time to time, including transportation, respite child care, and other tangible assistance as well as emotional support. Helping parents build constructive friendships and other positive connections can reduce their isolation, which is a consistent risk factor in child abuse and neglect. Isolation is a problem in particular for family members who are in crisis or need intensive help, such as victims of domestic violence.” (source)

With that in mind, below are some ideas from the newsletter: Engage in Dough Diplomacy - Bake Cookies for a Neighbor from Center for a New American Dream

Taking action by supporting legislation or greening your home is important, but don't forget that we can also take action in our social lives. New Dream has always believed that change begins with our everyday choices: investing in relationships builds happier people and a stronger community--and may be good for your health. Which is why we're asking you to bring a neighbor some cookies.

Between the mid 1980's and the 1990's, Americans' openness to making new friends declined by about a third. A 2000 Harvard study found that one-third of Americans no longer participate in social activities like inviting people to their home or visiting relatives. Reaching out to others doesn't just add meaning to our lives--it's part of what makes up social capital, the shared values and trust that keep a society together and running smoothly.

Luckily, it doesn't take a lot of your own capital to simply bake some cookies (or any other treat) and share them with a neighbor you don't know. Think of it as the most fun and delicious way to make the world into what you want it to be: an open, trusting place full of people who will wave to you on the sidewalk. As a family activity, making and sharing homemade goodies is a way to have more face-to-face time and less screen time. So go ahead--knock on that door and then tell us what happened and how it made you feel.

cookies photo by emilybean

This post originally appeared at Community of Mindful Parents.

Writing, Writing She's Everywhere!!

2009-09-28T13:01:00.003-06:00

Hello Easily Amazed Friends,

I've been doing a lot of writing lately in this intricate inter-net, inner-net world. Here's a run down of where you can find more pieces of me, in case you're interested!!

I've started an email newsletter. It is predominantly about social and emotional well-being for children, adults and groups. However, it's Ashley-style so hopefully a balanced mix of practical information and practices along with opportunities to sink into the concepts and creatively imagine what might be possible. The newsletter began last month. You can read the first issue here. And the second issue that went out today here. If you like what you read, sign yourself up so that future editions are delivered to your very own email inbox!

This is a new website where I have agreed to be a guest writer. Here are some inspiring words from it's founder, Yaffa Maritz, that will make it perfectly clear to you why I've agreed to participate.

"Imagine a world where people treat each other with compassion and differences are embraced. Curiosity, kindness, and creativity guide us and a fine balance is achieved between a healthy sense of individual self and thriving communities. This is not a utopia. Research already shows us that it can be achieved one kid at a time.

However, it requires what we are building here together; a thoughtful and intentional community of parents who will support each other through learning and growing and by engaging in mindful discussion, sharing relevant resources, and having discussions with professionals. Together it will create a momentum for a kinder and gentler presence in this precious world!"

I've been slowly updating my website, hopefully making it more expressive of both the heart and soul of who I am and the specific details of what I do. I probably should wait until I'm happy with all of the pages to point your eyes to it, but I'm not going to. Here it is! I've updated my bio. If you read it and have some feedback, please send it my way. Still to come is a more comprehensive explanation of Social Emotional Consulting. I also hope to update the Life Coaching and Family Coaching pages because with each client I work with, I learn more about the potency and potential that comes alive when we are in these kinds of relationships, working together to learn and grow. You can peek back at those in a couple of months!

Thomas is constantly playing with words and discovering all kinds of treasures that exist in words we look at all of the time. One of his favorites is repeating the word earth or heart over and over again. earthearthearthearthearthearth
Earth, heart, hearth, hear the art, ear all show up. I wanted a bumper sticker with this sentiment to put on my car as I journey through life. (I get that driving my car across country doesn't exactly support this sentiment) We created a sticker and you too can buy one if you'd like at our Cafe Press store. Perhaps you can adhere yours without leaving little bubbles as I did (as seen in the picture!).

I think that's it for new adventures. In case you weren't aware, I also have a couple of other blogs that I don't update nearly as frequently.

This one is completely geared towards relating with children, parents and educators.

This site is a compilation of different people sharing rituals they do to support healthy living. They've written about activities or behaviors they do regularly for the purpose of bringing value to their well-being. It only gets updated when someone shares a new ritual. Do you have one to add to the site? It could be anything.

A Bright Welcome to This New Year

2009-09-19T10:09:00.008-06:00

"Release painful patterns through embrace and not through struggle. We open our hearts to ourselves, each other and to the Universal Presence in which we are sustained. On the brink of this new year, we awaken to renewed choice. We seek the thoughts, images, feelings and actions that will more clearly reflect the Loving and Peaceful Heart always at the center of our being."

~ Bet Alef High Holy Day Prayer Book

Last night began the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah. This marks the beginning of a new year and according to the Jewish calendar it is the year 5770. Rabbi Ted Falcon pointed out that this is a one-year (add the numbers up until you get to a single digit). A one-year symbolizes the beginning. We are at the beginning of a new cycle right now. What kind of a cycle do we want to create in our lives, in our communities, on this planet? What impact might we have if we actively take responsibility for how we grow into this New Year? Wouldn't it be amazing if as Rabbi Ted said, this could be the "big one year" in which we realize our oneness?

And so I ask myself: What thoughts, images, feelings and actions do I want to live this year? How will I more clearly reflect the loving and peaceful heart always at the center of my being? How will I more clearly see and reflect the loving and peaceful heart always at the center of your being? Of our collective being? What does it feel like for me to open my heart more fully to myself, others and the source that sustains me and us? This year, I will discover new ways to wake up, recognize and live the fullness of who I am, the depth of my yearnings, the bright vision and sense of possibility that I see.

"This is a year that needs you to be you."
~ Rabbi Ted Falcon

These are the questions I will be resting in today and for the next 9 days until Yom Kippur - meditating, listening, setting intentions, singing, dancing and dreaming what's possible into being. I will follow Rabbi Ted's instructions that it is my job right now to dream the biggest dreams and see visions as large as I can. I will do this for the sake of being an active servant to life, nourishing love, peace, healing, and wholeness in the world. This year the universe needs me to be me. Rabbi Ted invites us to ask ourselves,

"What am I being called to bring to this time?"

I think about Chris Corrigan's recent post about intention... Now is a time to cultivate action that is rooted in intention and to keep asking, "What is my life dedicated to?”

If any of these questions spark something in your heart, please listen and follow that spark!! And if you'd like to share what emerges, I'd love to hear.

Playing in the Waves

2009-09-15T11:53:00.012-06:00

My life feels very interesting right now!! Some personal story telling.

In the Fall of 2004, as I was finishing up graduate school, I was in communication with a non-profit that worked with teenagers in foster care. This program was located in North Carolina and they were expanding to include a camp for youth and families. Among other things, part of their aim was to provide these children a consistent place and community where they could return each season, reuniting in their village, held by the wilderness, joining with a community of peers and self-discovery mentors while uncovering even more of the wonders of their being and the gifts they behold. The hope was that they would receive support, find strength in their sense of self and feel like they belonged, providing ground for them as they prepared for the often abandoning process of aging out of the system. And most importantly, that they would know a genuine sense of home.

I was deeply engaged in the creative process of this new camp being born and had the great fortune of writing my own job description that was enthusiastically embraced. I was astonished by the blessings unfolding. About to receive a Masters of Education in counseling, here I was creating my dream job and being invited to live it. Wow! Amazing!

And... life is always filled with surprises! In November of 2004 I traveled to North Carolina to help facilitate staff training and to meet the team. And then in early December there was a sudden shift. Things had changed and this perfect unfolding of what was to be next in my life had another course in mind. I would not be working at the camp after all. Time to recalibrate.

So in January of 2005 instead of returning to North Carolina (where I had been living before attending graduate school in Texas), I set off on an adventure into the unknown. I stuffed my three new letters (M.Ed.) into my glove box and set out to experience the Pacific Northwest. I had many friends and colleagues between Seattle, Washington and Vancouver, Canada. At two other points in my history I had almost moved out to the northwest. It felt like now was the time to explore this region and see if it wanted to invite me to stay.

My plan was simple, give what I have to give whenever I can, wherever I am. Offer my skills and talents. Be open to what's possible. Notice what emerges. Follow my heart when I hear something calling. I gave myself 6 months to try out living in this way and to see if I wanted to live in that part of the country. I figured if I was genuinely giving whenever I could something in the form of a job would open up. What else could the universe want of me? And if no job or practical plan emerged, well then I would hit the classifieds and take the traditional route at the end of that 6 months. Travels and visits unfolded... and in May I was offered a phenomenal job at a school in Seattle with a beautiful mixture of creative freedom in program development, a variety of ways to use my skills and talents, the joy of working with children and adults, and being in a thriving community of learners. And so began the next chapter of my life... the chapter which wrapped up this June.

I'm reliving the a fore mentioned pattern of surfing in the unknown, giving what I have to give, dreaming, listening, noticing, learning and following "the spark of yes." This morning a big belly laugh of surprise caught me when I ran across the job description for the camp that I wrote in October of 2004. It actually splashed me in the face with an awe-inspiring, cosmic-laugh that barked: of course! The job description is posted below and the humor is in how clearly it expresses the path I am on right now, articulating the kind of work I would like to do more of wherever I end up landing next. You can compare it to the document that I wrote in June of this year (along with other information at my current website) talking about some of my current interests, passions and offerings. You might also notice that somehow in these last 4 years I got a lot more wordy! (grin)

I'll be leaving the Seattle area on September 29th coming full circle as I head to North Carolina. Please feel free to help me dream forward a lively future and stay tuned as I continue swimming in the unknown, riding the waves of excitement and anxiety while holding sacred my dedication to follow my heart, practice deep listening and keep on learning!

Job Description

2009-09-14T15:26:00.003-06:00

A job description that I wrote in October of 2004, outlining the role I would like to play in a newly developing organization. Still holds true for today.

Job Description

Attending to the mental, social, emotional, and spiritual health of the system. This involves supporting and nourishing the well-being of individuals, sub-systems (youth, staff, social workers, parents, etc.), and the system as a whole.
Advocate for staff and youth

Staff-- A link person that aims to be aware of needs, wishes, desires, stresses, strengths, support systems, etc. of staff members and attempts to keep communication open and flowing throughout the system. A facilitator of clear communication. Each member comes with their specialties and areas of interest to which they are committed and invested. My role is to be guided by the big picture while attending to relational needs of the system.

Dreaming Groups-- Facilitating staff groups which align individual’s health, gifts, visions, and dreams with the group and larger organization’s visions, intentions, mission, and purpose.

Youth involvement— visible presence when camp is in session. A known resource to the children as an unbiased, completely accepting person available for individual or group counseling or mediation on an as-needed basis.

Therapist Support— Work cooperatively with licensed therapist, ensuring that therapeutic components of philosophy and programs are complementary and sound throughout all aspects of the program. Available to provide therapeutic services as needed and desired by licensed therapist.
Philosophy and program planning – Using education and therapeutic knowledge to assist in philosophy and program planning. Providing support by recognizing areas in need of greater attention and detail and keeping the momentum forward-moving, activating.
Parenting groups – Time would be needed to research specific needs of foster and adoptive parents, incorporating them into the Filial Therapy structure and creating a new course. An ideal situation would be to be trained as a trainer for mandated parenting courses within the foster system and infuse his course with the therapeutic components of filial therapy.
Staff Training—involved in planning and facilitating staff training. Providing continual staff development based on the needs, concerns, and weaknesses of the staff.
Workshops and Retreats – Organizing workshops and retreats for parents, social workers, and staff.

What would you call this position?

Our Oceans Are Filled With Plastic: They Are Experiencing How Bad It Really Is

2009-09-13T23:31:00.006-06:00

Five media artists, led by photographer Chris Jordan, are traveling to Midway to witness the catastrophic effect of our disposable culture on some of the world’s most beautiful and symbolic creatures. But even more, they are embarking on an introspective journey to confront a vitally relevant question: In this time of unprecedented global crisis, how can we move through grief, denial, despair and immobility into new territories of acceptance, possibility, and wise action?
~ The Midway Journey

Chris Jordan's wish "is to get out of [his] own way for long enough that the symbolic tragedy that is happening on Midway can speak for itself, on its own terms."

"This morning I took off early by bike with camera gear on my back, and explored an abandoned World War II runway littered with the decaying carcasses of albatrosses—virtually all of their bellies filled with plastic junk. Talking and reading about it from home was one thing, but seeing it here in person carries a much different feeling. I made my first photograph, and felt myself sink one increment into the profound story that this island has to tell." ~Chris Jordan

"According to U.S. Fish and Wildlife rangers, albatross bring almost five tons of plastic to Pihemanu/Midway every year. The ocean is permeated with plastic and, like dust floating in the air, it’s mostly invisible to us. Albatross concentrate this plastic junk in their bodies and deposit it on land when they die. A Hawaiian elder counseled us not to view the albatross or the islands as victims of plastic pollution. They have called this problem to them, she said, to deliver us a message. We are hit with this message every day. When can we say we’re receiving it?" ~Victoria Sloan Jordan

The Midway Journey Blog
More Photos from their Photostream
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A Baby's Unconditional Trust and Love

2009-09-03T14:11:00.005-06:00

photo by Alyssa L. Miller (no relation to people in the story)

A Baby's Unconditional Trust and Love -- A Kindness Story
--written by rettak at HelpOthers.org

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.' He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.

His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. 'Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?' Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.'

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, 'Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.' Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.' Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.' I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.

With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.'

I had just witnessed real love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was blind, holding a child who was not.

What’s your pocket wisdom?

2009-07-16T09:02:00.004-06:00

Do you carry important words, quotes or poems around with you? Simple phrases that inspire you to live authentically and compassionately, taking time to breathe and experience as much of life as possible? If so, what are they?

And for the rest of us, are there a few words or phrases that inspire you, remind you to be vibrantly alive, help you feel joyful, content and accepting, invite you to be present and grateful? If you could carry just a few precious words or phrases around in your pocket, always having them there to reference and learn from, what would those be? What words would you carry?

graphic by wordle

At Home in the World

2009-07-14T10:52:00.022-06:00

First train home, I've got to get on it
First train home, I've got to get on it
First train home, I've got to get on it
First Train home
(soundtrack for this post)

So what? What matters to you?
What are your strongest feelings? What is your central wish? What stirs your inmost being?

Are you home yet?
Lying awake, enchanted by the natural world, caressed by the powers that envelope you, genuinely relating to the beings and things in your life, aligned with a divine presence that permeates everything? everything? It's there... is it here? Can you see it? Can you touch and taste and smell and hear that divine immanence resonating in the world around you? through you? connecting you... to you... to me... to a tree... to much, much more than we can see? Can you feel it? Is it here?

A lover is trying to seduce us into her wonder and mystery, into the heart of her beauty, home. Day by day, moment by moment, the waters of life are pouring forth into our soul, fed by the little encounters of being that happen without effort... simply because we are alive. We are alive! Can you feel it?

This week three men and the lineages, teachings, and life experiences they embody are helping me travel home. Their messages and essence swirl in my being, chemical reactions activating holy sparks and snapping authentic living into the cells of my waking body.

ahhhhhh

{{{ insert your favorite sound for the divine here }}}
{{{along with one deep breath }}}

You can read my full notes from an evening hearing Brian Swimme, the next night listening to Bill Plotkin, and all the while reading Martin Buber's book, The Way of Man. And below (as well as above) are some of the pieces that are cooking me... igniting me... wanting to be shared!

Brian Swimme's central point was that we humans have forgotten the sacred dimension of nature. We need to renew our capacities to recognize the presence of the divine throughout the natural world. He believes that people have a deep hunger to:

Know how we fit in
Make sense of the world
Live in alignment with the powers that envelope us, with the divine presence that permeates everything

Buber says that here is a fulfillment of existence that a quiet devoted relationship to nearby life can give us. Developing genuine relationships with the beings and things in whose lives we get to be in, a mutual gift, creates true, fulfilled existence.

By hallowing our relationship with the things and beings that we meet on our way and that attract our hearts, we get in touch "with what manifests itself in them as beauty, pleasure, enjoyment. Hasidism teaches that rejoicing in the world, if we hallow it with our whole being, leads to rejoicing in God." (Buber)

Bill Plotkin defines soul as "our place in the world." He sees a true adult as someone who knows how they belong to more than the human world. They understand their place in nature, not just their place in culture.

He talks about how we humans long for our own unique and vibrant participation (membership) in a world that works for all beings. At a soul level we want to be contributing, being of service, and we want to feel at home in the world. We can both contribute and thus feel at home in the world by embodying our deepest passion. Plotkin believes that each individual has gifts, ways of being of service, they were born to embody. Finding our service is both deeply fulfilling and incredibly challenging. Embodying those gifts that are unique to each of us is the biggest contribution to social change that we can make.

And Buber supports this belief,

Every person born into this world represents something new, something that never existed before, something original and unique. ‘It is the duty of every person... to know and consider that he is unique in the world in his particular character and that there has never been anyone like him in the world, for if there had been someone like him, there would have been no need for him to be in the world...

Every man’s foremost task is the actualization of his unique, unprecedented and never-recurring potentialities...‘Everyone has in him something precious that is in no one else.’ But this precious something in a man is revealed to him only if he truly perceives his strongest feeling, his central wish, that in him which stirs his inmost being...

He must find his own self, not the trivial ego of the egotistic individual, but the deeper self of the person living in a relationship to the world.... A man [must see] himself … as a genuine person, whose transformation helps towards the transformation of the world... The task of man, of every man, according to Hasidic teaching, is to affirm for God’s sake the world and himself and by this very means to transform both.

And in order to "belong to the world in the ways nature birthed us," Plotklin acknowledges the challenge for many of feeling at home in the world. Most people have never learned to feel themselves as a natural element in the world and so cannot feel a part of it and at home in it. Not feeling at home in the world creates a core restlessness and anxiety. Humans have the ability to experience the enchantment of the natural world, they can learn how to be at home in the world and wonder about the world. Feeling at home in the world leads to treating the world as our home. And as these men point out, in order to do so, we must recognize the presence of the divine throughout the natural world.

Swimme uses the story of the cosmos to paint visions of and personify some of the wonderment and divine essence of the universe. For instance, he explains that the atoms of our skin and the air that we breathe are from an exploding star.

Carbon and oxygen exist in the core of a star. When a star explodes it releases these and many other elements into the universe. Our own solar system and planet with its minerals and life forms were created out of these supernova explosions. Every single atom of carbon and oxygen (of which humans are made of) is foraged in stars. The atoms of our skin are from an exploding star. In order for these atoms to exist, stars had to blow up. "I am a cosmological event!" (source)

And when I breathe, I breathe the creations of stars. All the life I will live is possible because of the gifts of those stars. These facts/stories help to illustrate for me the immensity of each moment and they invite me into a direct experience of the divine presence that exists in the natural world.

And then Swimme teaches about the sun. Every second our sun is transforming 4 million tons of itself into light. The sun doesn't get back that energy. Once it transforms itself into light, the light disperses in all directions. The sun gives it away. Everything that's happened in the life of this planet is directly dependent upon that light. We're moving here and talking and thinking only because coursing through our bodies is the energy from the sun. All of human activity is powered by the generosity of the sun. Our existence directly depends upon the giveaway of the sun; this is a real sacrificial, ongoing event. (source)

All of these men are extending deep invitations to directly experience the divine presence permeating the world. The Baal-Shem (founder of Hasidism) teaches that no encounter with a being or a thing in the course of our life lacks a hidden significance. ‘God dwells wherever man lets him in.’

To go, to go, to go
Get, get, get, get
Out, out, out, out
Now, now, now, now
soundtrack by Imogen Heap!

A Life of Many Streams...

2009-07-08T13:17:00.009-06:00

Glaciers in the Alaska Range seen from an airplane flying near Denali

A life of many streams...

Pouring through,
igniting different flavors,
waking up my being to the spirit of my soul,
dazzling my senses
with wonders to behold
and desires I want to know!

Which sparks capture my attention? Can I get quiet enough to hear the inner wind whispers? How glorious the sun feels soaking its warmth unto my skin, held as I float, the water carrying me upon its flow, to where, I don't yet know...

A few details of my life:

I've just finished 4 amazing years as a school counselor for children in preschool through third grade and with the parents, teachers and staff of that learning community. It was an enriching, inspiring and highly creative time for diving into many of my passions and being a part of a vibrant and rich with potential community. My learning has been immense and much of which I am still to discover. The time to leave arrived somewhat unexpectedly in February, I turned in my notice, and in June walked the path of closure and transition.
The day after my last day at the school, I left for a 12 day excursion into Alaska with my family... part of the journey on land and the other part on a cruise ship. The profoundness of that part of the earth enchanted my soul awake to a grandeur that frequently took my breath away and stretched my roots deep into a source. And the heart-strings of love and family connections played their melodies in a variety of harmonious and dissonant tones that sew me deeper into the fabric of my being!
Upon return I moved out of the house I was living in, transferred my few remaining belongings into a storage unit, and embarked upon another floating adventure into this mystery of what is next. For three weeks I am blessed with an amazing haven as I house-sit on a gorgeous houseboat on the water of Portage Bay in the heart of the city of Seattle.

And right now... I ponder a life of many streams. In Glacier Bay National Park and Preserve I witnessed as the deep sea waters of the bay made contact with a new stream of "glacial flour."

As gravity pulls glaciers down out of their mountain birthplaces, the ice grinds away at the mountains, ripping off large chunks of rock and abrading smaller chunks down into rock powder, called "glacial flour." When [streams that contain glacial flour] meet the sea the glacial flour colors the seawater, an iridescent green [meets] a muddy brown or sometimes a gray or milky white. source

. . . . .

I feel like my life right now is that expansive iridescent sea with tributaries filling into my bowl. Some of these clear, freshwater streams invisibly blend into the whole. At times I recognize a cool new flow pulsing through my system and at other times this new life circulates through my being unbeknown to me. And then there are these streams bringing a new and different color and composition, carrying artifacts and remnants, invitations and offerings from other times and places, like glacial flour mixing with the salt water.

One question I hold is how do I write about this? How do I both stay in contact with the changing and present currents of my life, including the mystery, and also find ways to reflect and share, give voice, words and images to these experiences unfolding. Obviously this is my first attempt and hopefully there will be more to follow.

Rainbow, mountains and glacier from airplane

P.S. I'm really wanting to write about my experience of "cruising."

The Social Synapse

2009-06-07T12:22:00.008-06:00

The Social Synapse

from The Neuroscience of Human Relationships
by Louis Cozolino

Look closely at the body and you will discover layer upon layer of highly complex interlocking systems. As you examine each layer, you will discover countless individual cells (neurons in the nervous system) that differentiate and migrate to specific locations throughout the body. These cells, in turn, grow into an infinite variety of forms, organize into functional systems, integrate with other systems, and, ultimately, creating an individual. This we accept easily; but what about the notion that nature used this same strategy to connect individual animals (humans) into a larger biological organism called a species?

Individual neurons are separated by small gaps, or synapses. These synapses are not empty spaces by any means for they are inhabited by a variety of chemical substances engaging in complex interactions that result in synaptic transmission. It is this synaptic transmission that stimulates each neuron to survive, to grow, and to be sculpted by experience. In fact, the activity within synapses is just as important as what takes place within the neurons themselves. Over vast expanses of evolutionary time, neural or synaptic transmission has grown ever more intricate to meet the needs of an increasingly complex brain.

We know that neurons communicate via these chemical signals, activating and influencing one another through the transmission of multiple biochemical messengers. When it comes right down to it, doesn't communication between people, as complex as it is, consist of the same basic building blocks? When we smile, wave, and say hello, these behaviors are sent through the space between us via sight and sound. These electrical and mechanical messages are received by our senses and converted into electrochemical signals within our nervous systems and sent to our brains. These internal signals generate chemical changes, electrical activation, and new behaviors which, in turn, transmit messages back across the social synapse.

The social synapse is the space between us. It is also the medium through which we are linked together into larger organisms such as families, tribes, societies, and the human species as a whole. Because our lives are lived at the border of this synapse and because so much communication is automatic and below conscious awareness, most of what goes on is invisible to us and taken for granted.

Children photo by Nathan Golden with A-scribe Images
Neuron found at the Slog
Tree mandala by Woven Essence

Celebrating a Clean Scan

2009-06-04T10:44:00.004-06:00

My dad just had a 6 month scan that came back CLEAN!!! Yeahhh!!!

I'm celebrating with joy and wishing Paul and Cathy a happy anniversary!!

photo by athinaf

Do You Know of Any Interactive Online Social Spaces For a School Parent Body

2009-05-31T16:18:00.004-06:00

Do you know of any school communities that have an active online space where parents communicate with each other online... perhaps a blog, online forum, social media network? I am trying to help a school community that is interested in having a simple social space where parents can share resources, invitations, ask questions of one another, tell stories, and see what else might emerge. Thanks for sharing any links you know of for other such community sites.

inline... online...
photo by foreversouls

What Aisle Did You Find Your Serenity In

2009-05-23T13:13:00.005-06:00

I went for a walk with a beautiful 4 year old yesterday. She had amazing skills for approaching strangers and inviting engagement. She quickly got to where her heart wanted to be... holding a woman's hand crossing the street, petting a dog, offering a flower.

The poem below invites me to step up my efforts and attention, becoming more skilled at getting to the heart of what my being wants to communicate to another... to go right there with stranger, friend, family or self? The poem inspires me to get creative and be real. Just like this little boy who asked Obama if he could touch his hair to see if it felt like his own. What a genuine way to relate with the world. Do you want to join me in this challenge?

I Confess
by Alison Luterman

I stalked her

in the grocery store: her crown

of snowy braids held in place by a great silver clip,

her erect bearing, radiating tenderness,
watching

the way she placed yogurt and avocados in her basket,

beaming peace like the North Star.

I wanted to ask, “What aisle did you find

your serenity in, do you know

how to be married for fifty years or how to live alone,

excuse me for interrupting, but you seem to possess

some knowledge that makes the earth turn and burn on its axis—“

But we don’t request such things from strangers

nowadays. So I said, “I love your hair.”

Thank you 37days for the poem and The Official WhiteHouse Photostream for the photo.

We Are All Truly Miraculous

2009-05-22T00:26:00.002-06:00

An Evening of Poetry, Music and The Spoken Word at The White House May 12, 2009.

I'm incredibly moved and inspired. Beautiful opening performance by ELEW and Esperanza Spalding, soulful spoken word by Mayda del Valle and a powerful performance by ELEW.

“We’re here to celebrate the power of words and music to help us appreciate beauty and also to understand pain. To inspire us to action and to spur us on when we start to lose hope." President Obama tells the crowd as he opens the evening.

"It is one thing for people to tell their stories in their own spaces and quite another for those stories to be welcomed in this space. Barack is president today because many people who thought their voices didn't matter or wouldn't be heard decided to show up on election day and vote anyway." Michelle Obama

"Abuela, how did you pray before someone told you who your god should be? How did you hold the earth in your hands and thank her for it's fecundity? Did the sea wash away your sadness? How did you humble yourself before your architect? Did you lower yourself to your knees or rock to the rhythm of ocean waves like I do? "

“To be able to go in the White House and to represent my grandmother and my ancestors, it really means a lot. It’s a generation of women that don’t often get heard, you know, these old Puerto Rican women that no one ever really thinks about. To be able to use my voice to represent them on this kind of platform is really powerful.” Mayda del Valle

ELEW

Woven Essence Film

2009-05-19T23:37:00.002-06:00

Leadership in a Self-Organizing World from Woven Essence on Vimeo.

A Woven Essence video created by Thomas Arthur and me at the Leadership in a Self Organizing World conference. If you're curious about the content of the conference, take a peek at the session notes.

This Little Seed of Mine, I'm Gonna Let it Shine

2009-05-09T10:45:00.006-06:00

Tick tock, fingers locked.
What to write?
How to talk?

a rhythm, a voice, a harmonizing force
fluency, disruption and curiosity, of course!

Ever since some point in my young life, I’ve identified with trees. Mom, dad, do you know when that started? They are my teachers when I need wisdom, friends when I long to experience belonging, mirrors when in a search for validation and reflection, support to rest upon and give my weight, and elders willing to make contact with me, hold me close, and shelter me from the rest of the world. The trees, they help me let go, they allow me to release from the habits and contractions, the mind looping and obsessing, the wondering and searching. They hold me still and steady and provide space for me to open -- expanding, releasing into the essential beauty and oneness of this sacred moment, feeling connection with all of life, and grounding in the solid wonderment of me, of life. Thank you dear beings of wood, earth, soil, sun, water, rain, breath, fun.

A brief pause for an update on my life:

Change, change, everywhere

asking questions
listening to what’s here
recognizing aliveness
centeredness that’s clear…
and crumble, crumble, crashing it goes
breaking up perceptions
of clarity and form
scattering ideas and concepts
building a foundation for a future that’s near

following my heart
pause, pause, pause

listening for guidance
pause, pause, pause

thinking, scanning, action planning
pause
pause
pause

repeat

In March of 2002 this image peeked out of my subconscious and invited me home. While the drawing didn’t quite capture the beauty of the tree and the alive posturing of the young girl, I heard its song and my bodybeing felt the familiarity of that existence. At home and at peace I feel when tucked away in the base of a big solid tree. Protected. Free. Spirited. A pulsing life force emerging through grounded essence, connected to a web of existence, alive, as is, of service, here.

Right now there are many elements about what is next in my life that I don’t know. Where will I live? What will I do? As I listen and look for these answers, I continuously invite myself into deeper inquiry and discovery around the aspects of my being that I do know… or think I know!!

I am called to become rooted in purpose and place.

Which means… much inquiry (writing, drawing, visioning, thinking, dancing, talking, looping, dreaming) about what is the purpose I feel called to, what kind of place (what all is included in my idea of place) do I want to root and roost in?

And so this illustration by Terry Widener captured my attention with a bit of longing. Instead of actually rooting, could I just hang out in the roots? I know that I am being called from the place of hanging out inside the trees for respite and security, into the realm of being a tree… big, bold, beautifully being, breathing, bending in the breeze, beckoning others to believe. . . (believe in ourselves, believe in what's possible, be with what-is)

There are two guiding questions that arrived for me a couple of nights ago… that are steering my listening right now and igniting much energy and excitement:

What invitations would I love to receive? What could someone or someones invite me into that would be so evocative and affirming that my being would readily leap and say YES!, recognizing a soul’s calling, a place to step, a direction that might root what’s next?
If I am a seed right now, what is in my seed? (am I a seed to become a strawberry plant, oak tree, lilac blossom, dandelion?) What is in my seed?

seeding at Rialto beach last month

A Radiant Feeling Pounces

2009-04-27T21:56:00.003-06:00

The Poem in my Po cket:

Walking in the Forest

Walking in the forest
a radiant feeling pounces
on my misty
heart, clearing
my bad thoughts.
Good memories leap,
alert, brought to my mind
by a cool breeze.
Then they sleep.
Relaxed.
Magic flows through me
like a child running on cool summer grass.

by Tevon Dubois in A Child on The Island: The Ageless Wisdom of a Ten-Year-Old

p.s. I will return to actually writing posts here some day. It feels like it will be soon, but we shall see!

Letting Be

2009-04-09T14:27:00.003-06:00

"I thought about... how nobody is perfect. How we just have to close our eyes and breathe out and let the puzzle of the human heart be what it is."

~ Sue Monk Kidd in The Secret Life of Bees

photo by baloulumix

Some Little Tid-bits of Delight

2009-04-08T14:40:00.003-06:00

A fabulous new find, Zooglobble - Kids music worth sharing - which led me to Tres Leches which is quite sweet (I really like Listen) and this fabulous kid hop song by Secret Agent 23 Skidoo, Gotta Be Me

My brother called me yesterday, excited to tell me that today is a day that the sun is celebrated in Judaism. This celebration comes once every 28 years. Christy shared some of the prayers and chants and a video of this sweetness. Birkat Hachama blessing