EMToast

You Stoped A Hart

Toastmaster — Wed, 22 May 2013 00:45:49 +0000

“You Stoped A Hart.” These words painted 20 years ago in red on the side of an overpass . Who was the artist? Some illiterate vandal with a broken heart? I’d like to think so, but there are other theories. Similar Posts: The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten Doctors Invented Cancer in 1926 [...]

I’m Cornbread Eating Mad

Toastmaster — Sat, 11 May 2013 22:24:05 +0000

I’m cornbread eating mad. I was at the fruit store looking for come jujuberries and this little girl starts looking at me pointing at the strawberry and saying “That’s you! That’s you.” The mother said, “I’m sorry.” to me, but when the little girl asked “Mommy why is that man’s nose red with black pores [...]

Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it

bixby — Sat, 11 May 2013 22:18:30 +0000

Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it.Similar Posts: “Blood Dump” Most Offensive Term, Period Creepy Sightings “Quick like a bunny.”

Big Clark’s Dirty Hot Dog Secret

Toastmaster — Sat, 11 May 2013 22:03:05 +0000

Big Clark was one of the greatest singers of the 20th century. The key to becoming a superior singer is hot dog grease. It lubricates your vocal cords and increases your range. Clark said, “That was my secret to success when I was singing all the songs on my 1973 vinyl release “Dick Clark “20 [...]

Stay back Lozaq, I’m going into the future!

Toastmaster — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:22:54 +0000

Lozaq the father lived next door to us. He looked like a gentle child molester with light dog shit colored hair, and sadly he was the most normal of the family. The second most normal was the grandfather. He a futuristic old man in a silver shining jacket, space boots and a cowboy hat. He [...]

Can you identify these six creatures?

Toastmaster — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 03:32:54 +0000

Post you guesses below. Similar Posts: Toe Fu Interviews 30 Rock’s Judah Friedlander Strip Club Scents: Life at a Glimpse. Jilted Lover Blackmails Ex With Nude Photo

Less Than Zero

Toastmaster — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 00:55:03 +0000

“Did you ever hear about the movie less than zero? That’s about your brain power.” Similar Posts: Perfume: Supersniffer Snuffs Senoritas Winter’s Bone Witches in the Woods Ass Ponys: Favorite Albums We Forgot Existed

I Thought My Ghetto Blaster Was a Boom Box.

Toastmaster — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 02:07:25 +0000

I grew in the ghetto of my town, but I never knew it until I read it in the paper years later. I didn’t have a ghetto blaster though, I called mine a boom box. When we first moved into the house, the back yard was full of empty turtle shells because the previous tenants [...]

Happy Final Birthday!

Toastmaster — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 01:55:51 +0000

Whether you’re sure someone is dying this year, or you just hope they are, be sure to wish them a Happy Final Birthday! Similar Posts: Truck Driver Hit By Sleep Deprived Woman, Body Parts Everywhere Black Swan Love Triangle Results In Babies Terminators, Shirley Manson, A Toilet???

Robots are from before my time.

Toastmaster — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 21:23:43 +0000

I asked my friend’s father if he had any toy robots when he was a kid. He told me, “Robots are from before my time.” I had no idea he had come from so far in the future. Similar Posts: Strange Currency Discovered In Pennsylvannia Mother Allegedly Commands Children “Kill Your Father!” Stay back Lozaq, [...]

Jesus tried atheism, but it was too boring.

Toastmaster — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 01:29:15 +0000

Similar Posts: Jesus Saved Me… from Getting Kicked Out of Community College Aim for Jesus Happy Birthday Bleedin’ Baby Jesus!

Rasta Pig and Some Regular Pigs Too

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 23:21:08 +0000

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I Drank Perfume From the Unicorn’s Horn

Toastmaster — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:48:28 +0000

I unscrewed it and drank the perfume from the unicorn’s horn. I was a little kid, but I knew better. That’s when I learned no matter how nice they smell, unicorns are filled with poison. (Based on a true story) Art by: Bixby Similar Posts: Perfume: Supersniffer Snuffs Senoritas Jealous Horse Loses Eye, Rainbow Horn [...]

Eight Baller Takes Care of His Woman

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:42:33 +0000

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Bears Are People Too

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:30:40 +0000

Taking a drive. Campfire.Similar Posts: I Hope You Don’t Have Too Many Nightmares It Come to Work Jealous Horse Loses Eye, Rainbow Horn Unicorn to Blame

They Call Him Corn Hand

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:08:40 +0000

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Smoking Girl Eaten By a Whale

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:39:41 +0000

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Wormie

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:35:49 +0000

Mmm… Me Loves Eggs

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:15:04 +0000

Similar Posts: God Loves Swine Flu Perverted Uncle Loves Smelling Nephew’s Stinky Feet Jesus Loves You… Baby All Night Yeah

Tongue Got Your Cat

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:50:13 +0000

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Don’t Cry! Shut Up!

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:21:39 +0000

Similar Posts: “You better shut up or I’ll make your eye bigger than it already is.” Doctors Warn, Wishing Causes Coma Nonsense is the New Making Sense at UC Berkeley

Eat Pray Love

bixby — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:15:35 +0000

Tastes pulpy!Similar Posts: You Probably Think This War Is About You Gamma Irradiated Old Man: A Tale of Arm Wrestling and Sleeping Next to Bears Black Swan Love Triangle Results In Babies

That Sun is a Reptile

Toastmaster — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 19:07:28 +0000

That sun is a reptile and after this, he ain’t never shinin’ her way again. Art by: bixbySimilar Posts: I Drank Perfume From the Unicorn’s Horn Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die The Boy Who Became a Pervy Old Man

Three for a Quarter

Toastmaster — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 02:38:06 +0000

You used to get 3 lives for 25 cents No continues And you liked it. Similar Posts: Two Drops To Guppy Heaven Smoking Saves Lives The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten

POLICE: Feral Cats Abduct and Rape Woman

Toastmaster — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 02:14:32 +0000

Belgian tourist, Julio Prejean, witnessed the terrorizing occurrence while vacationing in Honolulu, Hawaii. Prejean told police, “It was a safe and happy afternoon. After we hiked up to Diamond Head for some sight seeing. We drove up to the shrimp truck, it’s a little catering truck, for some lunch. We noticed a lot of feral [...]