1. Gaming is entertainment Gaming is only slightly different from other forms of entertainment. It often has emotionally engaging stories or characters, a level of competition (online gaming), and some fine motor skills. The content of video games is no better or worse than movies, books, or TV. It all comes down to what you choose to watch, read or play. I won’t spend a long time here arguing against straw men, so comment below if you disagree and lets talk.

2. Entertainment isn’t bad Many Christian leaders fall into the trap of thinking everything in life must be “productive.” We have an idol of success that we are willing to sacrifice anything to, and that includes enjoying life. God designed the world to be enjoyed, and filled it with many good things. The whole “things are neither good nor bad, it just depends how we use them” is something I would disagree with. Genesis 1:31 seems to make the case that God made everything good. However, in Genesis 3, we see sin enter and corrupt the world (not transform it into a morally neutral playground). Everything that was once good is now twisted and misused. As Christians we are restoring the world to how God designed it to function, building His kingdom. And things in God’s kingdom are good, just like Genesis 3:31 says. So if entertainment isn’t bad, why do so many people talk about the “evils” of TV, Video Games, etc? Because they misread the corruption. They think it is beyond saving, beyond being “good.”

3. The true dangers of gaming Having played video games myself for over 10 years, I have noticed a few tendencies in myself to use gaming in a dangerous way. This doesn’t mean I quit gaming, but it does mean I know where to be careful.

1. Laziness – This is not unique to video gaming, but as men we are pretty lazy. I need to make sure I do what needs to be done when I get really in to a game. I.e. chores around the house, not saying up to late, etc.

2. Achievement – This is huge. As men we have a built-in drive to accomplish great and mighty things, and video games are simply the easiest way to satisfy this desire. We can achieve respect, power, fame and glory all without leaving our TV. Men, we need to lead, pioneer, invent, write books, paint paintings, build skyscrapers, and do great things. Don’t let your desire to accomplish be filled by leveling up on a game, build something that will last. Love your God, your family, and your neighbors with a greater intensity than you beat a game or get a great KD ratio with.

3. Time – Anyone who has gamed knows that gaming can take up serious amounts of time. I probably logged almost 300 hours into Dark Souls I (over the course of a year).  Men, we need to diligently protect time with our wives or girlfriends. I have only been married since December, but I’m learning I need to set aside nights specifically to spend with my wife. Not having a plan for the night usually ends up with me playing video games because we don’t have something specific to do. Guys, she is your wife, not your roommate. Take her on dates and treat her like the treasure she is.

4. Ladies be gentle and understanding Video games aren’t stupid, dumb, or the ultimate stamp of immaturity. I understand that if your significant other has fallen into the traps above, you probably resent games for taking him away from you. And that is perfectly fair. But instead of lashing out, reach out with respect and care (this applies to all of relationships, not just this issue). The problem isn’t with video games, its with his heart. I have an amazing wife who has been patient with me when I fall into the traps I listed above. My wife has challenged me from time to time about gaming, but always gently and in a way that makes me love her more. If she attacked me about it, I would more than likely get defensive and not hear her heart. Ladies, your guy really does care about you, and if you gently show him how his actions hurt you, he is much more likely to listen and change. That’s my take, if you have questions or think differently, comment away. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

My relationship with God seems to have come down with a case of the dailies (pronounced day-lees). The dailies are every day, ho-hum, and hard work. I have no great encounter with God, struggle to read my bible every day (or even every week at times), and try to be obedient and faithful in the tasks God has currently given me. I hurt others, sometime by accident and sometimes not. I fail to be obedient in the most  simple of tasks. I try to do better the next time, ask people for their forgiveness and look at myself and wonder what my problem is.

Maybe you’ve felt this way before.  I get the feeling a lot of people I know are suffering from the dailies.

I’ve been a Christian for 15 years now, and while I’m still young, I believe I have some experience to draw on.  I’ve struggled with feeling not close to God, feeling like something is missing from my Christianity, and I think I’ve learned something that contributes greatly to the problem:

“Passion Conference” Christianity.

Passion is the Rolls Royce of Christian conferences. The very best speakers, music, lights, etc. God shows up in a crazy awesome and emotional way there every year.  Great things happen, peoples lives are changed forever, and the energy of thousands upon thousands of people singing praises to God is breathtaking.

The problem comes when we expect the dailies to be the same as Passion.  We expect to be wrecked by something our pastor says, to be inspired and awed during Sunday worship, and to be filled with joy and encouragement from sunrise to sunset every day that we read our bible. And if we don’t have those feelings or experiences, then something is wrong with us.

And we get back from Passion and the dailies start to sink in. We get discouraged, hungry for God to move in us again the same way, and begin do doubt either God or ourselves.

Because we think that we are supposed to have a “Passion Conference” christianity, we feel insecure when we don’t. Everyone else is feeling this way, what’s wrong with me? So we pretend, we put on a show. We tweet, fbook, and Instagram our Christianity to give it the “Passion” appearance.  And in doing so, we tell those others who are stuck in the dailies that something is wrong with them.  Its cyclical.

When I look at the stories in the bible, I begin to see a much different picture.  Take the story of Abraham. His first “Passion” experience came when he was 75yrs old. God made a great promise to him and told him to go to another land.  Well he did, and over the next 25yrs God reminded him of his promise maybe 3 times in “Passion” experiences.  Thats longer than I’ve been alive, and he only had 3.

From what I understand, the Scripture places a lot more emphasis on the dailies. Living in obedience, walking with God in the everyday, through the ordinary.  That is the Christianity of the bible.  And sure there are “Passion” experiences from time to time, but they aren’t normal occurrences.  There isn’t anything wrong with you or your salvation. Don’t let a false view of Christianity rob you of that.  Jesus died on the cross to secure a relationship with God for us, and nothing you do can separate you from him. You are intimately close with God even as you sin. He will discipline you as a child he loves, but he will never let go of you.  Or me.

So, be encouraged if you’re living in the dailies.  And be honest about it, drop the tweets and Instagrams of the angels that flutter over your head as you read. Lets be down to earth, real Christians. Its ok to admit your need for Jesus’ life to count for yours because you can’t seem to get it right. I’m here too, and maybe if we’re open enough, we can sharpen and encourage each other and help each other along the way.

I spent fifty-three minutes the week before teaching my youth how God made us into family. It was a beautifully crafted message that I spent hours preparing.  I walked through what God intended for family in the garden, explained how Adam and Eve failed to live that out, showed how Jesus succeeded where we failed, and crescendo-ed into how He made us what we couldn’t be on our own, family.

This student hadn’t been there for that message.

But he had been at my house the night before watching “Monty Python” with some of my guy friends. He had come over to do homework a couple weeks ago. I had helped him with a paper for one of his classes. He went grocery shopping with Amy and I one day.  We’ve randomly seen each other downtown and grabbed some Five Guys (burgers and fries) for lunch. I stayed late Sunday night so he could come back and get his phone charger.

Who have I done a better job of equipping? Who is going to know how to love other believers as family better?

People don’t need sermons. They’re no more than the cherry on top of your Chick-fil-a milkshake. People need people. They need someone to hold the door for them, call them to check up on how their doing, have fun with them.

I think I’ll keep working hard a preaching good sermons, but I may spend a little less time preparing to spend a little more time living.

John 1:14a “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us…”

Why? Because grace means I’m in the wrong.  Grace is undeserved favor.  In order to receive it, I have to admit that I don’t deserve it.  Just like forgiveness. I don’t really want someone to forgive me, I just want them to admit that what I did wasn’t really that big of a deal. I’m still in the right. They overreacted.

True grace and forgiveness are painful. They clearly state how undeserving of love our actions make us. They show us how deeply we have wronged someone and how deeply we have wronged God.

God gives us grace. He doesn’t say our sin wasn’t that big of a deal. He shows us how extraordinarily devastating our sin was, and how he loves us still.  His love is made bigger, and our worthiness is nonexistent.

How different would our relationships be if we assumed we were constantly in need of grace, that we constantly need love and forgiveness that we don’t deserve?

Basically, the story goes that this guy planted a vineyard and dug a well, making a pretty swell farm.  He was going out of the country though, so he leased it to some guys who promised to take care of it for him.  Around the time the grapes were getting ripe, the owner sent a servant to bring him some of the fruit. The guys leasing the land refused to give the servant anything, beat him up, and sent him back  The owner did this with several more servants, and each time the guys he leased the land to beat them worse and sent them back empty-handed. Finally the owner decided to send his son.  He thought, “surely they will respect my son.”  The guys leasing the property decided to kill the man’s son when he got there. The figured if he wasn’t around they could take his inheritance.

Now when the owner comes back, what do you think he will do?  Kill the guys he leased the land to and lease it to someone who will respect him.  That was Jesus’s point in Luke.  I read that and sat there thinking, “How dumb must those tenants be?  They should have just given his servants some grapes, and then they could have enjoyed the rest of the vineyard.”   I caught my thought and remembered that most of the time, I do act like a pharisee. So even though I don’t see how I am anything like these guys, I may as well look for any possible way that I am the same.

Now I know this story is about the Israelites, how they rejected God’s messengers (the prophets), and eventually would kill Jesus, and how God was going to give salvation to the gentiles (us).  But I think perhaps there is also a personal application.

1. I am a steward of everything I own, because God actually owns it all. He created it.  So that puts me in the shoes of the guys the owner leased the vineyard to.

2. When God asks for some of his stuff back, I don’t want to give it up.  I’ve usually forgotten its was his in the first place, so it’s a painful reminder that I don’t actually own anything. The tenants did the same.  The refused to give the servants any fruit.

3. I usually get angry with people who ask me for things or remind me that it’s not really mine.  Not just physical things, but personal things as well. If someone reminds me that I shouldn’t waste my time, because it’s really God’s time; I’m quick to get defensive. The tenants also beat the servants before sending them back.  I don’t often recognize people possible messengers of God.

4.  Not only do I refuse to give God back what is his, I want more.  The tenants decided to kill the owner’s son in the hopes of getting his inheritance. They weren’t satisfied with the vineyard they had.  How often to I lust after more, even when I know God is reminding me what I have isn’t mine in the first place.

5. The tenants actions killed the son.  I am the same way. It is because of my sin, along with the sin of every other human, that Jesus went to the cross.

6. The owner came back to punish the wicked tenants. Me. I am a wicked tenant. I do not give back to him what he already owns, but cling to is as child afraid of losing a favorite toy. However, here is where the my story differs.  When the owner came back to punish me, instead of killing me, his son stepped in my place. His son offered himself to be killed so that I could live.

That is my only hope. Without Jesus’ death and resurrection, I would be as the wicked tenants, as Luke 12:9 says, “What will the owner of the vineyard do? He will come and destroy the tenants and give the vineyard to others.” But Christ washes my sins clean. When the owner looks at me, he sees his beautiful son, not the selfish tenant.

Oh, and by the way, when an owner like that, who loves me even though I hated him, asks me for some grapes,  I will gladly give them to him, amazed that he even bothered to ask.

All day people have just been getting on my nerves. Not everyone, just the people who kinda get on my nerves already. You know who I’m talking about. The ones who rub you just the wrong way, and normally, you’re fine with it. You blow it off, scold yourself for being shallow, and proceed with a smile and an extra helping of friendliness.  On a day like today however…

I’m tempted to just blow it off as tiredness.  I got up early to study for a test (which turned out to be a fruitless endeavor) and didn’t get as much sleep as I needed, which means my social filters are not functioning as well as they normally do.  Sometimes I wonder if the true McGill is the “I’m Hungry And Didn’t Get Enough Sleep Last Night So I’m Grumpy” McGill.  I still struggle with the same thoughts when I’m not tired or hungry, I just have sense enough not to act upon those thoughts.  But if I commit sin in my heart and not just by my hands, then I should take heed when God gives me the grace to see my sinfulness.  And it is grace.  Romans 1:28 tells us that God punishes by allowing people to remain in their sin, so conversely, if he’s not allowing you to remain in your sin, he is showing you grace.

Andy Stanley illustrates with a glass filled with blue beads.  If someone bumps the glass, guess what comes out?  So when someone bumps you, and you spill your beads everywhere, guess whose fault it is?  You got it.  They didn’t put the beads in you, they just bumped into you and got spilled on.

So, as I’ve been walking around spilling beads on people today, I need to stop and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me whats happening in my heart, because every action or emotion leads back to a heart belief.

So what has been happening?  I think the Spirit’s showing me that the problem is grace, or the lack thereof. I’m struggling with having grace on other’s failures and shortcomings, so their actions are getting on my nerves. But I don’t think the answer lies there.  It’s easy to see that I’m not having grace on others, what I need to know is how to start showing them grace. The Spirit also is showing me that I haven’t been giving grace to myself today.  I’m not being the epitome of “christian maturity” that I’d like to be, and that frustrates me. We view everyone through the lens of how we view ourselves, so if I’m struggling to have grace on myself, who I love way too much, its gonna be a lot harder for me to have grace on others, who I don’t love enough.

So if the problem is a lack of grace, then the answer is grace. I need to see and understand the grace of God on me, because functionally I haven’t been believing it.  How could I possibly show a lack of grace when I see how messed up I am and how much grace God shows me every moment of every day. He even has grace on me for how I haven’t been giving grace to others today. He has forgiven me of my gracelessness, and that I pointed my finger at him and said, “You’re not gracious.”  My sinfulness today is not greater than the power of the cross. God has forgiven me and loves me the same as he would if I had responded perfectly to everyone.

The remedy?  Well, I’m reading Romans 8 and I’m asking God to teach me about his grace and to help me believe it in my heart. I can’t do it on my own, and if I leave the power of the Spirit out of the equation, it looks helpless. But that’s my gospel need.  If God doesn’t come through I’m screwed. My own strength is not enough. But his strength is made perfect in weakness. We see his strength for what it is when it accomplishes what we cannot.

It’s not perfect. People still get on my nerves, but not as bad.  I still might spill some beads on you if you bump into me today, but I think I’ll be quick to apologize and genuinely sorry.  That’s all I’ve got.  Back to studying for my exam tomorrow.

http://theresurgence.com/2011/10/03/worship-in-weakness

Paul begins Galatians with his identity. He is an apostle, not because of anything man has done, but because of what God has done.  As I read that, the Holy Spirit pointed something out to me.  Do I really find my identity in the gospel work of God?  Can I say conviction, “Chris McGill, a disciple, not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the father, who raised him from the dead.”

That is who I am.  It’s who God has declared me to be, and what God says is. Remember creation? God said, “Let there be light.”  Guess what happened? Now, what happens when God says, “You are my disciple.” ?  It’s who we are, we can’t do anything to change it any more that we can walk outside and tell the sun to stop shining.

But there’s a problem.  I don’t always believe that’s who I am  So often I let other things or people give me my identity.  “I’m a good student,” so my life centers around making good grades.  I spend hours and hours studying. When I get A’s I feel accomplished and when I get B’s or C’s I freak out and beat myself up. Or,  “I’m a good friend,” so my life centers on being a good friend.  I pay for people’s meals when I can, I reorient my schedule to be able to hang out with them more.  I will wake up at any time to talk on the phone with them or pick them up if their car broke down. When I succeed and people like me, I feel happy, but if someone rejects my friendship, it crushes me.

Can you identify? We even do this with our faith, “Oh, I’m a Christian, so I don’t cuss, get drunk or have sex before marriage,” or “I’m a Christian, so I read my bible, pray and go to church service on Sunday.”

Wait.

Is that what being a Christian means? A list of do’s and do not’s?  But that’s what I’ve convinced myself it is. I orient my life around it, waking up early to read my bible and pray, avoiding bars and parties so I don’t get drunk and have sex. I beat myself up because I keep sinning or don’t evangelize enough.

Sound familiar? Think about it for a second though. Where was the gospel in all that? Somehow, I managed to leave it out.   Take away the gospel and you take away Christianity.  Its the entire foundation of our faith, so if its not there, what are we believing?

So how does the gospel inform me of my identity?

“I am a Christian, a disciple. Not because of anything I do, but because God decided to save me though the rescue mission of Jesus.”

The gospel tells me this is who I am, and what we believe shapes everything about us. So if I really believe the gospel, it will completely transform the way I live.  I am a disciple, so my purpose is to make disciples. How I organize my time, how I spend my money, and who I hang out with (as in less Christian friends and more non-believers) are all dictated by my gospel identity.

So our problem, my problem, is an identity issue.  I don’t really believe I am who God say’s I am. That’s idolatry by the way. Something is functionally more  important to me than God. I’m listening to it instead of Him.  But its ok, because my idolatry doesn’t tell me who I am. The gospel does. I’m not a dirty rotten sinner who can’t even figure out how to be a decent Christian; I am a son, an heir. I am loved and cared for far more than I could imagine. I am a Christian, and that is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.  It’s the gospel man.

With love,

Chris McGill, a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Last night I realized (or rather the Holy Spirit revealed to me) that I find my identity in doing things better than other people.  That is what functionally validates my existence. It dictates how I feel.  When I succeed at being better than people at something I feel successful.  When others are better than me at things I feel like a failure.

It’s crazy how deep this idolatry goes.  It affects my relationship with people. I use them to validate my existence.  I belittle others to make myself feel successful.  It affects my relationship with God.  I don’t care as much following Jesus as I do about following him better than you do.

Actually all these things are past tense. It was my idol.  I repented of it.  I realized that God is God, not being better than other people. The Gospel gives me my identity. I am an adopted son, an heir. The cross is what validates my existence, not my success.

On to Soma.

Another amazing week has drawn to a close, and yea, the “Thought of the Day” thing didn’t fly.

Whatever.

One thing that keeps showing up is how everyone treats each other as if they were family.  Maybe they need to be called Missional Families instead of Missional Communities (unless that sounds like you’ve been drinking the cool-aid).  They share and give as though everyone were their immediate family.  They also treat those who don’t know Christ as a potential family member.  The old lady down the street who lives alone. What if she was your grandmother? Would you treat her differently?  Yup.

The thing that hit me the hardest this week was a simple picture.

This represents how our view of ourselves and God changes after we meet Christ.  Our view of God goes up. We begin to realize how awesome, holy, righteous and perfect he really is.  And our view of ourselves plummets in response. We begin to realize how messed up we really are. This seems to be what most of my walk with God has been. As I get further along in my relationship with him, I see this separation as greater and greater.  But something is wrong.  I can get really depressed at how unholy I am.  I think we all do.  We’ll talk about how bad we suck and how sick and twisted we are, to an unhealthy extent. Almost as if we’re defined by it.  This plays out in our actions as well.  Say we sin.  How long is it before we turn back to God?  We feel as though we must do some sort of penance before we can, at the very least sit around and feel bad about ourselves for a while.  We see the gap as far to great for us to fix.

Now, here’s the picture as it needs to be.

What increases in this as God’s holiness and our sinfulness increase. The cross.  As we see more and more of God and ourselves. The miracle of the cross increases. The more we see our sinfulness, the greater we see God’s grace through the cross.  This picture leads us to a place of worship, not of self degradation. Every time the Holy Spirit reveals a sin in our lives, it’s an opportunity for worship.  I just acted really selfishly.  I am messed up.  Dang, Jesus died for that? God’s grace is so big.  Jesus was selfless so I don’t have to be.  My selflessness is not what bridges the gap between me and God, its Jesus’ selflessness. Thank goodness because I would be toast if it were on me.  Thank you for the cross Father, because I am so sinful and undeserving of your love and forgiveness. Praise Jesus.   

Questions or comments are welcome.

My actions and decisions are shaped by and informed by my identity.  It’s the belief in an identity that creates action (for example I’m never going to start serving people until I start believing that I am a servant). As Christians, our identity is found in the gospel. The gospel tells us who we are: God’s people, saved by God’s power, for God’s purpose.  We need to ask ourselves if this is informing our actions and decisions. If it’s not, something else is. This means we’re adopting an identity outside of the gospel. That’s a form of idolatry, elevating something above God. We’re looking to something or someone other than him to declare our identity.

One of the interns told us that she had trouble explaining why she chose to remain a virgin until marriage when some of her friends questioned her.  Praise God she has remained a virgin. It is a blessing.  At the same time, however, that statement reveals a heart issue.  She didn’t choose to remain a virgin because of the gospel. Her reasoning wasn’t because she was God’s child, saved by God’s power, for God’s purpose.  God’s child obeys her father because he is her father and because he wants the best for her, God’s child obeys him because he loves her. The reason why she remained a virgin was informed by something else, some other identity. It could have been because her parents told her not to have sex before marriage, so she found her identity as a child of her parents, or because she was a “good kid,”  and had to keep up her reputation. It could have been any one of a myriad of identities.  The point is, her identity wasn’t founded in the gospel. This meant she was looking to someone or something else to tell her who she was, placing their word above God’s, idolizing whoever or whatever that was.

I don’t want that to leave you down or allow the Enemy to beat you up over it however. The proper response to realizing idolatry in our life is to understand what we’re not believing about God. In this case she wasn’t believing he was in control because she wasn’t believing that what he said about her was true.  She also may not have been believing God was good, because she wasn’t trusting the identity he gave her as the best identity for her (this may or may not have been the reason, I’m just trying to take you through the mental process).  Next, we need to understand how the gospel speaks into this issue.  God knows we constantly try to find our identity in something other than him, but through Jesus’ death on the cross, he declared an irreversible identity over us. He rescued us and made us his own. We are his people, saved by his power, for his purpose.  This leads us to a point of worship for what God has done for us, realizing he is God, and that other thing that we found our identity was not, and now we have the opportunity to walk in who he has made us.

I don’t have a lot to share from this week other than to say its been incredible. We finished up the Story yesterday. It is basically a collection of stories from the bible that show the redemptive plan of God from Creation to his second coming. I know I mentioned it in my last post, but it has had a huge impact on my view of God, myself, and how I react to my sin.  I’m learning what it means to find my identity in Christ, how to recognize when I’m not doing so, and what I need to do to get back to it when I’ve strayed.

As some of you know, I came out to Soma because of the way they are the church.  They are made up of what they call “Missional Communities,” or MC’s.  These are essentially churches (families or bodies of believers) that meet at least once a week as a group, and spend time with each other outside of the meeting as well.  On Sunday’s multiple MC’s will gather together for corporate teaching and worship.  It’s a poor description of Soma, but maybe it will help you get a clearer picture of who they are and how they do things.

One thing I’ve noticed is how prominent meals are in their community.  People get together to eat and hang out all the time. These people are so saturated with the gospel that when they come together to eat they aren’t just hanging out, but are constantly listening to each other’s stories, sharing encouragement, and speaking the gospel into each other’s lives. I have been more encouraged and challenged in conversations had over meals than in any of the intentional meeting times we’ve had (and those have been plenty challenging and encouraging themselves).

There have been a few thoughts that have specifically impacted me since I’ve been here.

1 – Do ordinary activities in extraordinary ways.  Meals, days at the park, watching a game of basketball. All of these can be done in a gospel informed way.  You don’t necessarily have to go out and do crazy things, you just have to do ordinary things by the power of the Spirit. For example we went to the park to hang out.  We prayed together for a little while, helped a woman move a table and had an awesome conversation about the gospel with her.  She even ran up and gave us a hug when we left (after knowing us for maybe 10 min). Ordinary activity, extraordinary way. (I already mentioned how they do this with meals)

2 – It is joyous to recognize my sin.  We I realize my sinfulness, I or someone else can speak the truth of the Gospel and God’s love into that area fo my life.  I can then repent and praise God for his grace.  Repentance is not realizing your sin, turning from it and trying harder to do go.  It’s a change of worship.  It’s when you tell yourself who’s God around here.

For example, I realize that I am acting out of pride. This means that I am thinking I am the one worthy of glory, not God.  I repent by realizing that God is the only one worthy of praise and glory, not myself. I then rejoice because God knew that I would seek my glory and Jesus paid for that on the cross. I would have struggled with loving someone who always tries to steal glory from me when I thought I deserved it. But God is always perfectly worthy of glory, and yet he forgave me. How un-glorious am I for trying to steal his glory, and how glorious is he for forgiving me completely of that.  That’s what repentance looks like.

3 – I need to live to train leaders, not to be a leader.  When I live to be a leader, what I say is more important that letting others speak.  When I live to train leaders, letting them speak becomes more important.  Then I can correct or guide as necessary, instead of interrupting.  I don’t try to put myself in charge of things, but allow and encourage others to take the responsibility, guiding and teaching them as they do.  My actions become more important than my words.  I am teaching all the time.  Jeff Vanderstilt says that discipleship begins when you meet someone.   Everything I do informs those around me how they should act, especially if I am in a  leadership position over them.

I think that’s all for now.  I’ll be heading into Seattle this afternoon so I’m pretty excited about that. Feel free to pray for a little sunshine because that would be awesome.  I miss all of you back home and can’t wait to share more of what I’m learning.

From 9:00 to 12:00 every morning we are going through the story of God.  It’s a series of stories read aloud by a facilitator who then asks questions for dialogue. One of the rules is that you can only answer or discuss from information that is found within the story or the previous stories. So when we went through Creation, we couldn’t speak of the Fall in our answers, because we hadn’t learned that story yet.  We will be trained in how to lead the Story, so for now I wont try to explain it in detail or convince you of its beauty.

For example, the stories we’ve gone over so far are: Creation, Fall, Cain and Abel, Noah, the Tower of Babel and Abraham, Abraham and Isaac, the Plagues, the 10 Commandments, the Law, and the Prophets and Kings. Old Testament done. Boom.

It may seem simple or even childish to go over these stories, but I have learned more about God, the gospel and myself than I have in my entire life. I have never seen God as clearly as I have over the last week, and my heart has responded in worship and love. Every day I’ve fallen more in love with this God who created, pursued, loved, showed mercy, and desired a relationship with us.

There’s so much I want to share, but I’m still processing it all, so I guess I’ll have to wait.  Already I’ve learned that living in this type of community really confronts me with how sinful I am.  Its pretty humbling to learn how much I think of myself more than others.  This is a good, scary, messy and far more beautiful life than I could have ever imagined. Go Jesus.

Hope that kinda makes sense because I’m falling asleep as I write this.  But that was day 1.

It’s not your run of the mill “we might break up in a few weeks” liking.  It goes way beyond that.  This is more of a “please don’t ever leave me because I don’t know how I would survive without you” kind of liking. Its tempting to use the word “love,” but I prefer to reserve it for something a bit more sentient than a hamburger.

I not only like food; I consume massive amounts of it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a fat man stuck in some skinny guy’s body. Although this may appear to have its benefits, there are certain instances in which my lack of size is problematic. The football player in line in front of me, who is twice my size, does not eat twice as much as me.  In fact, as I write this I’ve convinced myself that I’m starving, in spite of the fact that I ate a rather large dinner a few hours ago. Although I do get hungry often, this particular occasion is attributed to my roommate, as he just finished telling me about his new business idea, a home cookin’ restaurant that is known for its specialty bacon. Barbeque bacon, maple-syrup bacon, and whatever else he comes up. I’ll admit I’m kind of enthralled with the idea.

Liking food so much, hunger fascinates me.  You might be hungry for something quite specific (barbecue bacon for instance), and yet you can get rid of that hunger by eating almost anything.  But there is a difference between not being hungry any more and being satisfied. Anyone who has eaten at the caf can testify. Satisfaction requires a particular food. Leftover squash casserole usually doesn’t do the trick.

Something else I find fascinating is how closely our physical selves mirror our spiritual selves, especially in this matter of hunger.  Spiritually we have longings, or hungers, and it is our tendency to fill ourselves on whatever is convenient.  Friends, relationships, activities, pursuits, careers, anything we can get our hands on.  We fail to realize that we receive no spiritual nourishment from these things. They fill our stomach briefly, but we soon find that they don’t satisfy us.  It’s like eating celery.  It provides fewer calories than it takes to digest it. Even if you were to constantly eat celery, you would eventually starve to death.

I have a tendency to feed myself spiritual celery (not real celery). I know what true food is.  I found I can only be satisfied by the Lord, by spending time with him, meditating on his word and praying, rejoicing in the fact that he saved me.  And yet, so many times I choose instead to devour things that I know are of no value. I’m chewing on celery instead of the juicy steak I am offered.  Not that I’m comparing God to a juicy steak.

Have you ever had one of those times where you feel like God is silent?  Not because you’ve done anything unusually bad or stopped reading your bible and praying, but He’s just silent.  Thats where I am now.  I’m not sure why, I’m doing all the “right things,” and not out of habit either.  I’m earnestly seeking God and want to grow closer to Him.  By silent I mean I don’t really feel Him.  Not during worship, or prayer or anything else.  Actually, I catch a few wisps here and there, like a song that you know is playing, but it’s so soft you can’t quite make out the tune. I try desperately to hold on to them but its like trying to hold on to smoke.  I’m not quite sure what to make of it, so I’m just gonna keep doing all I know to do.  I’m gonna fight harder than ever to grow closer to Him, and I’m not gonna give up till I do.

It’s always hard coming home.  You’d think it would be easy, at least for me. I have a Christian family who loves God, awesome Christian friends, a good church, a great pastor. There is one temptation that seems to feed off of  all of these things though.  Complacency.  Over the last two weeks I’ve only had two solid times with God. As in just me, Him, my bible and prayer. I don’t quite understand why it’s so hard. I’m not sure if the enemy is attacking me more or if it’s because I’ve been off schedule or what.  I’ve talked to a few of my other friends and they’ve said pretty much the same thing.  Coming home is also a bit of a challenge in that you’ve matured since you were here last.  It is very easy to just drop back into your old self, because that’s how people expect you act.  When my friends and I hang out, a lot of times I feel as though we’re just trying to duplicate “the good ol’ times,” which we are fairly successful at.  I think we’re getting better though, we’re having to re-establish our relationships a little, because we have changed and matured.  It is unspoken, but I think we’ve all realized it, and realized we have to work for it or it won’t happen.

While we’re on the topic of struggles, one of the things I wanted to focus on this summer was being missional, which is a big word that means living my life as though I’m a missionary, alway looking for opportunities to meet and develop relationships with non-believers and share the gospel with them. My big plan was to do that through my job.  I even prayed that God would give me a job that I could witness to people at.  Well, it turns out I’m working on the family farm, most of the time alone.  There goes that.  I really felt like God was telling me to let Him shape this summer and that it wasn’t going to be what I expected.  He’s been right so far.  I didn’t really expect this at all.  I’m working 7 or 8 hours a day, about 6 days a week.  I have church service on Sunday, and I’m trying to make it my sabbath. I also have church service on Wednesday night. I meet with my pastor twice a week for roughly an hour at lunch.  I’m kinda at an impasse.  I guess I’ll just have to keep looking and praying that God shows me what to do.

I guess that’s all for today.

May 7. It has recently pleased the Lord to teach me a truth, irrespective of human instrumentality, as far as I know, the benefit of which I have not lost, though now, while preparing the fifth edition for the press, more than fourteen years have since passed away. The point is this: I saw more clearly than ever that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord.

For I might seek to set the truth before the unconverted, I might seek to benefit believers, I might seek to relieve the distressed, I might in other ways seek to behave myself as it becomes a child of God in this world; and yet, not being happy in the Lord, and not being nourished and strengthened in my inner man day by day, all this might not be attended to in a right spirit.

Before this time my practice had been, at least for ten years previously, as an habitual thing to give myself to prayer, after having dressed myself in the morning. Now, I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the word of God, and to meditation on it, that thus my heart might be comforted, encouraged, warned, reproved, instructed; and that thus, by means of the word of God, whilst meditating on it, my heart might be brought into experimental communion with the Lord.

I began therefore to meditate on the New Testament from the beginning, early in the morning.

The first thing I did, after having asked in a few words the Lord blessing upon his precious word, was, to begin to meditate on the word of God, searching as it were into every verse, to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of the public ministry of the word, not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon, but for the sake of obtaining food for my own soul.

The result I have found to be almost invariably this, that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession, or to thanksgiving, or to intercession, or to supplication; so that, though I did not, as it were, give myself to prayer, but to meditation it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer. When thus I have been for a while making confession, or intercession, or supplication, or have given thanks, I go on to the next words or verse, turning all, as I go on, into prayer for myself or others, as the word may lead to it, but still continually keeping before me that food for my own soul is the object of my meditation.

The result of this is, that there is always a good deal of confession, thanksgiving, supplication, or intercession mingled with my meditation, and that my inner man almost invariably is even sensibly nourished and strengthened, and that by breakfast time, with rare exceptions, I am in a peaceful if not happy state of heart. Thus also the Lord is pleased to communicate unto me that which, either very soon after or at a later time, I have found to become food for other believers, though it was not for the sake of the public ministry of the word that I gave myself to meditation, but for the profit of my own inner man.

With this mode I have likewise combined the being out in the open air for an hour, an hour and a half, or two hours, before breakfast, walking about in the fields, and in the summer sitting for a little on the stiles, if I find it too much to walk all the time. I find it very beneficial to my health to walk thus for meditation before breakfast, and am now in the habit of using the time for that purpose, that when I get into the open air I generally take out a New Testament of good-sized type, which I carry with me for that purpose, besides my Bible; and I find that I can profitably spend my time in the open air, which formerly was not the case, for want of habit. I used to consider the time spent in walking a loss, but now I find it very profitable, not only to my body, but also to my soul. The walking out before breakfast is of course not necessarily connected with this matter, and every one has to judge according to his strength and other circumstances.

The difference, then, between my former practice and my present one is this: Formerly, when I rose, I began to pray as soon as possible, and generally spent all my time till breakfast in prayer, or almost all the time.

At all events I almost invariably began with prayer, except when I felt my soul to be more than usually barren, in which case I read the word of God for food, or for refreshment, or for a revival and renewal of my inner man, before I gave myself to prayer. But what was the result ? I often spent a quarter of an hour; or half an hour, or even an hour, on my knees, before being conscious to myself of having derived comfort, encouragement, humbling of soul, etc.; and often, after having suffered much from wandering of mind for the first ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour, or even half an hour; I only then began really to pray.

I scarcely ever suffer now in this way. For my heart being nourished by the truth, being brought into experimental fellowship with God, I speak to my Father and to my Friend (vile though I am, and unworthy of it) about the things that he has brought before me in his precious word.

It often now astonishes me that I did not sooner see this point. In no book did I ever read about it. No public ministry ever brought the matter before me. No private intercourse with a brother stirred me up to this matter. And yet now, since God has taught me this point, it is as plain to me as anything, that the first thing the child of God has to do morning by morning is, to obtain food for his inner man.

As the outward man is not fit for work for any length of time except we take food, and as this is one of the first things we do in the morning, so it should be with the inner man. We should take food for that, as every one must allow. Now what is the food for the inner man? Not prayer, but the word of God; and here again, not the simple reading of the word of God, so that it only passes through our minds, just as water runs through a pipe, but considering what we read, pondering over it, and applying it to our hearts. When we pray, we speak to God.

Now, prayer, in order to be continued for any length of time in any other than a formal manner, requires, generally speaking a measure of strength or godly desire, and the season, therefore, when this exercise of the soul can be most effectually performed is after the inner man has been nourished by meditation on the word of God, where we find our Father speaking to us, to encourage us, to comfort us, to instruct us, to humble us, to reprove us. We may therefore profitably meditate, with God’s blessing, though we are ever so weak spiritually; nay, the weaker we are, the more we need meditation for the strengthening of our inner man. There is thus far less to be feared from wandering of mind than if we give ourselves to prayer without having had previously time for meditation.

I dwell so particularly on this point because of the immense spiritual profit and refreshment I am conscious of having derived from it myself, and I affectionately and solemnly beseech all my follow believers to ponder this matter. By the blessing of God I ascribe to this mode the help and strength which I have had from God to pass in peace through deeper trials, in various ways, than I had ever had before; and after having now above fourteen years tried this way, I can most fully, in the fear of God, recommend it. In addition to this I generally read, after family prayer, larger portions of the word of God, when I still pursue my practice of reading regularly onward in the Holy Scriptures, sometimes in the New Testament and sometimes in the Old, and for more than twenty-six years I have proved the blessedness of it. I take, also either then or at other parts of the day, time more especially for prayer.

How different, when the soul is refreshed and made happy early in the morning, from what is it when, without spiritual preparation, the service, the trials, and the temptations of the day come upon one!

1 – “Don’t think about the sin.”  This is the old “blinders for crossing the road” technique. You never even see the car coming.

2 – “Get as close to the sin as you can.”  Your strong enough to handle it right? I mean, it’s not even something you struggle with anymore.  You have control over it now.

3 – “Come up with as many reasons as you can explaining why the sin is ok. That way, if you do sin, it doesn’t bother you as much.” I mean the only reason you don’t like the sin is because it makes you feel like crap afterwards.

4 – “Tell yourself this is the last time it will happen, and then make all sorts of weird, impossible promises to God about all the things you’ll do to make it up to him.”  I have no idea what things I may have promised to God in a heat of guilty passion.

5 – “Whatever you do, avoid telling anyone else about it.”  The last thing you want is people praying for you and keeping you accountable.  And think about how bad you would look in front of that person. You might even lose some of your pride.

There they are. Tried and true, each with my personal stamp of approval. Enjoy.

Let me start by reminding you of a story that’s often told this time of year about a girl named Mary, and her husband Joseph. They hear from an angel that Mary is going to have a baby named Jesus who is the Son of God. They have to travel to this little town called Bethlehem right around the time Mary is due to give birth, and when they arrive, there’s no room at the inn. The innkeeper lets them stay in the stables out back with the animals. The kid is born, they wrap him in “swaddling clothes,” which I’ve always imagined looked somewhat like dish towels, and they stick him in manger, or hay trough. Some shepherds and wise men show up (about a year apart actually) and they all sing “Kumbaya” around the campfire and have a grand old-time.

Now we all smile when we see the Christmas play, or hear it on “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” and we think about how cute the baby Jesus was sitting in a hay trough. This lasts for a few moments and then we move on with our life, wondering why people make such a big deal about it. It’s the Christmas story right? It’s cute and sweet and we honestly couldn’t care less about a little baby Jesus born in a stable who gets a small following of sheep people.

I agree, I also am not a huge fan of sheep people and their ways. Neither am I interested in babies being born in stables. The reason I care so much about this story is not because of what happens in Bethlehem on that “silent night”, but because of what happens to the very same Jesus thirty-three years later in the city of Jerusalem on the hill of Golgotha.  I care about the nativity scene because the little manger baby grows up to be the guy who John 3:16 speaks of,

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

The reason the Christmas story is important to me because that little dish towel baby grew up and died for me. When I look at the manger, I see the cross. God split time in half to give us the greatest Christmas present imaginable.  Himself.   My friends, we celebrate Christmas because of the Gospel. Take a some time to thank him for your salvation tomorrow. And if you’re not saved, if you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, please email me or message me (click my picture to the right for my Facebook page).  I would love to talk to you about it.  God loves you, and he’s willing to forgive you and save you if you just ask him. Merry Christmas!

In Christ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   McGill

I got convicted today… again.  So now its time to repent and grow. Here are my thoughts…

A lot of times, I tend to forget that tomorrow is not guaranteed, that this life is but a vapor, a breath of air. I have this tendency to believe my “real” ministry is yet to come, when I plant a church, get married, start preaching, ext. That’s when God will really use me.  That’s when I’ll be ready.  Well, I had a newsflash today.  What if I don’t make it that long? If I were to die right after I graduate, would I have done my ministry to its full potential with the time allotted me?  Would I have run the good race and fought the good fight? If you were to ask me now, my answer would be no.  I have not been doing what I am capable of through Christ.  I’ve been sacrificing my time and energies to idols and lesser things that would steal my focus and thereby my effectiveness.  Father forgive me.

That was just a little reality check for me, and I realized something… Its time to live my best life now.

So what should we have done?  It is important not to lust after a woman, or put yourself in situations of danger, but where is the line? Obviously we crossed it.

1.  My parents

It never used to cross my mind to pray for my parents.  We’ll, let me give you some inside info:  They need prayer just as much as you do (and you know you need it).  Pray for their walk with God and their relationship with each other.  If your parents have a bad relationship with God or their spouse, you probably pray for them all the time.  But if your parents have a great relationship with each other and with God, guess what?  They still need prayer!

2.  My Pastor

We tend to think of pastors as “holy” men, who are closer to God than ourselves.  We think they’ve got it goin on and never have any trouble in the world with temptation.  Well, that is a lie straight out of the pits of Hell.  When a person steps up to be a pastor, they’re  sticking their head out of the trenches.  You’ve noticed it yourself. When you decided to do something for Christ, Satan targets you as someone he needs to pay attention to.  Pastors are especially subject to this.  Pray for your Pastors marriage, his children, his rest, his wisdom, and his strength against temptation (and anything else you wanna add)

3.  My Siblings

Ha they need it, and you know it. Enough said.

4.  My Theology and Doctrine

Seriously, pray that God will teach you sound theology and doctrine. This is incredibly important, especially if your in a teaching position or a position of authority.  Read some Timothy and ask God to show you himself

5.  Choose Your Own (I couldn’t think of another and I felt like I needed to have five)