Dr. Blue Mantag:typepad.com,2003:weblog-18413032010-08-09T20:51:45-04:00hope. knowledge. courage.TypePadDon't Try; DO!tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01127971a63428a40133f2f51d3e970b2010-08-09T20:51:45-04:002010-08-09T20:51:45-04:00I hear “I’m trying” a lot. Two thought always come to my mind thanks partly to the power of media. The first is Yoda’s comment in Star Wars, “there is no try, there is only do or do not”. The...Nick Pagano
<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">I
hear “I’m trying” a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Two thought
always come to my mind thanks partly to the power of media.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>The first is <strong><em><span style="color: #0000bf; "><a href="http://www.starwars.com" target="_blank">Yoda’s</a></span></em></strong> comment in <strong><em><span style="color: #0000bf; font-size: 10pt; "><a href="http://www.starwars.com" target="_blank">Star Wars</a></span></em></strong>,
“there is no try, there is only do or do not”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>The second is <strong><em><span style="color: #0000bf; font-size: 10pt; "><a href="http://www.nike.com" target="_blank">Nike’s</a></span></em></strong> words of wisdom- “just do it”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>To me “trying” is a halfhearted effort to
succeed, which implies the distinct possibility of failure. Trying implies that
a thing is hard to do, and that it may very well not get done. There are only
two things in life that you and I can control - YOUR efforts and YOUR
attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Everything else is outside
your control to some extent.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Trying
seems to bring with it the negative "but" and the negative
"if." <br />
<br />
Trying is vying, vying for time; vying for attention. It implies a struggle, a
struggle that you may very well lose. Trying is buying, buying an excuse to
fail even before you meet the challenge. Trying is lying, lying to yourself,
and that's not what you need. <br />
<br />
Either we do a thing or we don't. Either we are doing something or we're not.
Trying is a poor excuse for doing. If you want to do something, then forget
about trying and DO IT. <br />
<br />
Trying implies that there is a large doubt in your mind that you will
accomplish that which you are supposedly trying to do. Don't sell yourself
short. Don't entertain such a large doubt in your theater of trust. Don't look
for a way out before you even jump in. Don't accept the presumption of possible
failure before you begin to do what must be done. Don't "try" to do
what you can do. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt; "><a href="http://www,nike.com" target="_blank"><strong><em>Nike</em></strong></a></span><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif""> says “Just DO IT”, and let the trying be done by all those around you who
are merely trying. <br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">
<br />
<br />
<o:p></o:p></span></p></div>
3 C’s of Rapport Building = Communication Skillstag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01127971a63428a40133f1a60c73970b2010-06-23T11:02:01-04:002010-06-23T11:02:01-04:00There is so much to say and learn about this. There are books, seminars, and classes that address it. As it relates to us and our business, have you ever wondered why some people can “click” or connect with such...Nick Pagano
<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">There
is so much to say and learn about this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>There are books, seminars, and classes that address it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>As it relates to us and our business, have
you ever wondered why some people can “click” or connect with such a wide
variety of people?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Have you ever
wondered why some people seem so at ease in different social situations?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Have you ever wondered why some people seem to
say the right thing and others seem to have their foot constantly in their mouth?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>It seems to me that the answer to these
questions can be found in the concept of people skills- more specifically
rapport building and communication skills.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; ">We
have all met people that we just didn’t “click” with.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Communication is based on what I call the 3
C’s.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; "><strong><span style="color: #0000bf; font-size: 15px; "><font face="'Trebuchet MS'">Connecting, Commonality, and
Clues.</font></span></strong><span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; "><strong>Connecting</strong> is the skill of
getting on the same wave length as the person you are communicating with.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Some communication experts indicate that we
should match speed, expressions, and other nonverbals to give us the best
opportunity of connecting.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span><strong>Commonality</strong>
is finding a basis for communicating in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>This why so may conversations start with
“what do you do”?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>“where are you from”?
and “do you know”?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>What we should be
seeking in these situations is some level of commonality that we can build
upon.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Finally, clues.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span><strong>Clues</strong> are the verbal and nonverbal indicators
that people give in a conversation.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; ">Perhaps
a couple of stories will illustrate some of the concepts.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; "><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"></span>Janice and I were shopping and as we checked
out the cashier asked us if we were having a party.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Janice said, “No, the boys are coming home
from college and this food is mostly for them”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>The cashier, went in to what I can best describe as a tirade about how
college was such a “rip-off” and she was encouraging her son not to go and then
shared that she was poor, her parents were poor, as were her grandparents and
that was the “good way” to live because there are a lot of miserable people
with money.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Janice and I stood there totally
speechless.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>The attitude was one of
condemnation and in our opinion sheer stupidity.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>As we reflect on that experience let’s look
at the 3 C’s.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Did she connect with
us?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Obviously, no.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Did she establish any level of
commonality?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Again, no, as a matter of
fact she went in the opposite direction by “pushing” her opinion which was the
opposite of ours.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Finally, did she pick
up the “clues”?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Again, no, she continued
her “ravings” about the “stupidity of our lifestyle”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; ">Let’s
look at an example that is not as blatant and unfortunately much more
prevalent.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; "><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"></span>We were at a graduation party
and an acquaintance of ours asked me how our sons did in college.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>I opened my mouth to respond (with my proud
dad answer about our kids making the deans’ list) and before I said a word, he changed the subject to his kids.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>I
left there reflecting did he not really want to know about how our kids
did?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Or did he just want to talk about
his?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Or does he need some work on his
communication skills and learn like many of us how to listen better?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>I think it is the latter.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; ">I
would like to suggest a “homework” assignment for each of you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Do some serious people watching over the next
few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Notice how you communicate
with others- both strangers and those you know.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>Are you connecting?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Are you
finding areas of commonality?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Are you
picking up the clues?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>As you watch
others, can you pick out those that are good rapport builders and those that
aren’t?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p></div>
Confidence - where does it come from?tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01127971a63428a401348220408e970c2010-05-27T16:14:53-04:002010-05-27T16:14:53-04:00It seems to me that there are at least two levels or dimensions of confidence. One is a task oriented confidence. Can you fix a faucet? Can you sew a button? Can you cook a steak? But there is another,...Nick Pagano
<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">It
seems to me that there are at least two levels or dimensions of
confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>One is a task oriented
confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Can you fix a faucet?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Can you sew a button?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Can you cook a steak?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>But there is another, and in my opinion much
more important one, which may be called primary confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>This is what people see and respond to.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">   </span>This is confidence that comes when you are confident with
yourself, because you know that you can overcome the next obstacle in the
road.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>This confidence comes from trying
and failing and trying and failing and trying and finally succeeding.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>It comes from falling down and getting back
up and knowing that you will get back up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>It comes from the down deep feeling and knowledge that you will
overcome.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; "> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">Think
about people in your life that you believe to be “self-confident”
(appropriately, I might add).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Are they
confident in EVERY task they attempt?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>No
of course not.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>But that doesn’t diminish
their confidence does it?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Because it more than just related to a task.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; font-size: 13px; ">Application: Reflect
on all the obstacles that you have overcome.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>Start to think of your business as another one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p></div>
Economic Dichotomytag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01127971a63428a401347fb554fc970c2010-04-07T09:43:46-04:002010-04-07T09:43:46-04:00We live in a very interesting time-economically. Dictionary.com defines dichotomy as “division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups”. At this exact moment in time we have more Americans declaring personal bankruptcy than ever before. The statistics are staggering....Nick Pagano
<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">We
live in a very interesting time-economically.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> 
</span>Dictionary.com defines dichotomy as “<span style="color:#333333">division
into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups”. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span>At this exact moment in time we have
more Americans declaring personal bankruptcy than ever before.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>The statistics are staggering.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>One stat I read indicated that over 1.5
million people would declare personal bankruptcy this year and that figure is
up 30-40% from last year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Those
“statistics” are even more sobering when you realize that they are your
neighbors, friends, business associates, and relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"">At
the same time, at this exact moment, one of the fastest growing minorities in
America is millionaires, specifically home-based millionaires.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>How can those two things simultaneously be
true?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif""><o:p>One
of the big reasons for this is the further demise of the middle class.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>It is disintegrating right before our
eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>This brings up a question each of
us must answer- which of those two groups do you want to be part of?</o:p></span></p></div>
Hung by the Tonguetag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01127971a63428a40133ec79754e970b2010-04-05T12:34:21-04:002010-04-05T12:34:21-04:00Some people just have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. It can be the beginning of the conversation. It can come in the middle, other times it is the last thing said in a conversation....Nick Pagano
<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">Some people just have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the
wrong time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">   </span>It can be the beginning of
the conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>It can come in the
middle, other times it is the last thing said in a conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Some call it being, “Hung by the Tongue!”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">You and I see it everyday.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>A
state trooper pulled a man over for speeding on a deserted road. Since the road
was clear and the weather fine, the trooper had indicated that he may not give
the man a ticket, and let him off with a warning. He even complemented both the
man and his wife for wearing their seatbelts. At that point the woman leaned
over and said, “Well, officer, when you drive the speeds we do, you have to
wear them.” That’s when the trooper wrote the ticket. Hung by the Tongue!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">There is an ancient Japanese proverb that says, “A tongue three
inches long can kill a man six feet tall.” <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">If you are continually being “hung by your tongue,” you can be
“loosed from the noose” if you would just learn to engage your mind a little
bit before you speak! Here’s the process: Think... then speak! I believe that
we need to make our words sweet—just in case we have to eat them!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">The words of your mouth are a creative force. They play a big part
in predestining your future. Your words are the architects of your life. The
tongue is like a tool. We need to use our tools of the present to build the
future we desire.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">You see, your future will someday be your present. Your present
will someday be your past. You can chart the course of your future by your compass...
your tongue. It will guide you like a rudder... into either troubled waters or
a calm sea. But, don’t be misled... it WILL guide you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">If you can change what you think about, you can change what comes
out of your mouth. What comes out of your mouth will someday be in your future.
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">The words you speak create an atmosphere. If you are going to have
a meeting and you really pump it up and build it, what happens? People come
with expectancy! They come excited. Your words have set the stage for success!
One of the foundational revelations of a wise leader is to learn to control his
or her words! <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">Remember, Samson slew 1,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an
ass. Way too many businesses, lives and relationships are destroyed with the
same weapon. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">Refuse to be... Hung by the
Tongue<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Trebuchet MS","sans-serif";
color:black">Prescribed by,</span></p><p style="margin-top:17.2pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:17.2pt;margin-left:
0in"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://drblueman.typepad.com/.a/6a01127971a63428a40133ec79745a970b-pi" style="display: inline;"><img alt="Logo_150" border="0" class="asset asset-image at-xid-6a01127971a63428a40133ec79745a970b " src="https://drblueman.typepad.com/.a/6a01127971a63428a40133ec79745a970b-800wi" title="Logo_150" /></a> <br /> <br /></span></p></div>