doobleh-vay

David Sedaris and Dylan Thomas inside of my mouth

2009-11-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

It's like I say we have this tradition of me reading aloud to him in the car, but it has only been the last two years. But the tradition is beginning I believe. It has been David Sedaris the last two winters. The tip tops of the Southeastern Ohio trees stark against the sky fly by and I trip giggle over the amazing essays of the person I want to be when I grow up. I rest my head against the cold window and my mouth unhinges and tells Joe all the things written in tiny type and he laughs hard in the car. I introduced him to David Sedaris. I also made him read "On the Road" and "The Catcher in the Rye" and he kissed me so many times because of those.
He gives me gifts too- like appreciation of British punk music.
I get it now. After a decade of resistance.

I have read "Holidays on Ice" twice to Joe and we both enjoyed it immensely.
I like to read to Joe and have started to share chapters of my novel with him.
My voice is shaky and sometimes I even cry a little because let's not pretend that beginning writers don't weave some of their own shit into the mix.
Let us not pretend I am not raw and open in parts of my book. I know it. I wrote it.

This year I think I am going to read to Joe "Under Milk Wood: A Play for Voice" by Dylan Thomas. We will be bundled up in the truck and driving down the stretch of highway that rolls right back in time to a place I try and filter through me now. We will have the radio on low and the kids will be clutching new toys against chests and faces crusty with cinnamon sugar morning and we will be happy and I will tell him things.
I will read to him and the tone of my voice will wrap around his heart and pulse it all day long.

Thanksgiving Boot Camp at The North Market

2009-11-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

I was super lucky to be chosen to attend
the North Market's Thanksgiving Boot camp this weekend!

I had the pleasure of being a pupil of Robin Davis (Dispatch Food Editor)!
She taught us how to roast a turkey, make perfect gravy and finish it off with a delectable pumpkin pie. (from scratch!)

I had a blast with my friend momo and met wonderful new friends at this hands-on class. It was amazing to learn how to construct a meal that seems too complicated and stressful (in my mind) at the hands of an amazing chef and teacher.
Robin hails from The California Culinary Academy and was assistant editor of Bon Appetit magazine! She was a restaurant reviewer for the San Francisco Chronicle and has written two cookbooks. She is smart and savvy in the kitchen and also a gorgeous person who made us all feel comfortable in the kitchen.(she also has an adorable hubby who helped us today! And she wears Doc Martins! Love!)
We learned about brining a turkey (and got to take home giant brine buckets!)
and the essential steps to creating gravy that will make you weep with love.
It was all too perfect. I made a pie crust from scratch. My granny would be proud.
We all sat down together and had a lovely meal at the end of the class. Perfect!
Local ingredients!
Local cool folks!
Local talents!
Awesome day.
Thanks for the fun!
I feel way more confidant about Turkey day now.
The North Market has awesome classes all year round. Check it out!

For if we don't find/The next whiskey bar

2009-11-07T16:59:00.001-08:00

It's my my sis's birthday and we are going to the pub!
❤❤❤❤What should we drink?!
Happy Birthday Sweet Vics!
(and holla to my other gorgeous UK sister Sam's birthday too- We are having one for you!)

I just love a Saturday night.

Sorta Teal

2009-11-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

Twice a week I am going to throw down some reposts for nablopomo.
(originally posted on 2/3/09)

I would like to define it
When it comes creeping around
Give it a name
Or a reason
Explain it like a bad Rachael Ray recipe
Like the argument unresolved at midnight
Like the way carob tastes
But all I do is sling it over my shoulder and carry it around
Keenly aware of the way it feels
But unsure where it comes from
All I know is my mojo left town yesterday
Hitched a ride to some other lucky bastards house
Where he floats around the room telling stories
And making them all laugh
Heads thrown back
Where he takes the lady into a back bedroom and shows her
Most of Copernicus's truth
And then later makes art
Out of nothing at all

blogging notes

2009-11-05T20:34:00.001-08:00

I love that my friend Kelly is starting to blog for Working Mother.
I know she loves the blog world and is dipping her feet in it now.
She's here.

Check her out.
Leave her a comment? You know how it feels to get one. :)

And btw- Working Mother is a fab mag.
I read it the other day at the gym. Um. Love.

And Miss Patty Valentine just nodded her head.

2009-11-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

It took me about 10 song shuffles to find my groove while working out tonight.
I was on the bike and peddling like a wussy until I found some Dylan and then I just snapped into it. "Hurricane" came on and I rolled right back to the early nineties, back into a dark faux wood paneled living room in a jalopy of a house that I shared with several cool girls.
We would sit in slumpy lumpy old chairs that we rescued from the curb and listen to Dylan.
Books would be open and dinner would be cooking and we would be smoking Meigs County gold and the world was pretty darn slow.

I can't even think about that song without fury.
I can't even believe I was so old before I started thinking about social injustice.
I was busy trying to pretend I was reading James Joyce and stalking long haired boys and then I had to realize how wide and deep and awful the world was.

I think I only started paying attention to history well in to my future.

Me and my friend M would sit with our constant Diet Cokes and sing in that junky living room.
We loved the song. We loved to nod to each other like old men during our favorite parts and take long drags of our Parliament Lights in unison.
I think we made silent promises to make the world a little bit better.

And tonight I found that the song makes me pound out on the bike. I rode like a banshee and for one small moment I forgot and sang out loud for a line or two- all breathy and low.
had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
And the old guy beside me with the running shorts so scant I saw his ass cheek looked me right in the eye and nodded.

Old man nods are my favorite.

sudden silent trout

2009-11-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

"Now she need not listen. It could not last, she knew, but at the moment her eyes were so clear that they seemed to go round the table unveiling each of these people and their thoughts and their feelings, without effort like a light stealing under water so that it's ripples and the reeds in it and the minnows balancing themselves, and the sudden silent trout are lit up hanging, trembling."
-Virginia Woolf
To The Lighthouse

It's not even freaky or scary anymore how Virginia Woolf has visited me three times this year. In the deep of the night. She's rough and not at all chummy.
She stands at my bed, at the foot of my bed, and screams in languages that sound like bubbles-but all at once I wake up and know that she has really sang to me sweetly.

A song that women have heard all through time.
A song that is not much different than a war cry.

Go write it down.

just the same

2009-11-02T05:43:00.000-08:00

Twice a week I am going to throw down some reposts for nablopomo.

"A heart can be broken, but it will keep beating just the same."

(and btw- my friend is fabulous. She is doing fine. She rocks.)

I hung out with some pals Friday night. It was one of those nights that heavy talk was hanging in the air like fog because our friend is going through a divorce and you know she just needed to talk. She needs it and her heart requires it and we were there and it was good. Women are magic when it comes to communication. Magic and sparkle and light. I know she is going to be OK. I know it. She is beautiful and smart. She has that resilience that some do not have inherently and must grow like a reptile skin over years- she has it now, so she is lucky.
But no matter it is sad. I know next year this time will be different and her light will shine even more and she will glow again, but I am deep for her. And of course the talk got more interesting as the wine came and all I could focus on is the moment two people fall out of love. And does it happen in small steps over time or in one big night full of fighting and broken dishes. Is it the same for everyone at a base level? Is there is a switch in our hearts that hang from a very long cord and we just pull it like a madman one day? We just pull it and change our lives?

It freaks me out, kinda like the obsession I had as a child of listening to my grandfather tell me about heaven. My grandfather, the Baptist minister, instilled most of the scary thoughts in my head surrounding the afterlife. If I don't think of fiery pits of hell and burning flesh with the demons I think of the way he would tell me stories about heaven.
Heaven was described in all of the typical hurrah fashion, but then at some point they must have told me that it went on forever. And at a young age I think forever was burnt into my brain as me walking on these dirt roads and it just went on and on and I was all alone and no one was ever there with me and forever meant I was not alive anymore and I was dead.
Even today if I think about those images and the monotony of walking on and on and it is forever and that whole thing makes me feel ill.
Just like thinking about love and the way it can so easily, with such confusion fall apart.
God it scares me.
I set fire to my cord last night.
The one hanging from my heart.
I set fire to it and blew the ashes across the floor and they spelled out lucky.

Get me delivered to yr email xo

We make a little history, baby every time you come around

2009-11-01T13:28:00.000-08:00

I am going to do NaBloPoMo because I need one more thing to do like I need a hole in my head.
One year I posted every day of the year.
That was nuts.
I like NaBloPoMo bc this lovely lady posts everyday and that is cool.
So yeah.
Everyday.
Some little morsel of me.
I bet you are on the edge of yr seat.

It's been a Nick Cave kinda day. Welcome November.
I like the "er" months the best always.

My hunky chippy

2009-10-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

His massive rugged hunky hands make these:

and it makes me dreamy
xoxoxoxo

Fiona the Fawn in the shop.

help me with the small sugar

2009-10-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

man that went fast

2009-10-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Finny. I had no idea back then that you would one day want to dress up as a transformer and make me go searching for the ALLSPARK all live long day and night.
At one time you were just thrilled with giant orange pumpkins.
Man that went fast.

i get up and nothing gets me down

2009-10-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

I am feeling this woman. I found this
via another wonderful woman.

I love the thought of "RE-FRAMING BURN OUT INTO A BEAUTIFUL POSSIBILITY" on Danielle LaPorte's website.

Joe is at the workshop all day and night right now as we finish up a ton of wholesale orders and prep for the season of toys! I miss him. I am giving him a little present each night to show my gratitude, but I am searching for something for me. A slower pace? A space that is small and quiet. I am going at a pretty crazy speed and I have been for about 15 months.

Simple recharging and rest is a great gift I can give myself.
(I am aware- just not really practicing.)

What do you do to recharge?
I am working out most days and trying to eat well. (Have lost 5 lbs)
What else can I do? Essential oils?
I can't meditate. I have tried tons of times. Medicate I can do. Holla! xanax! I wish I had a little love affair with you right now. Meditate. Not so much.
Outsource cleaning the floors? (seriously. This gives me rage. The cleaning of the floors. Why can't they keep the food in their mouths?)
We are so lucky to have family coming in for the holidays this year and I just want to be able to DO what it is that I HAVE to do NOW and still be open and ready to receive the amazing time with the people I love.
I say yes to everything.
I open my mouth and say yes.
I love saying YES.
I love making out with my life.
But feeling toasty (as in burnt right out) ain't grand.
How do you say no?
Really.

just can't wait

2009-10-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

My kids godmother (and my and my bff from 5th grade) is in labor right now.
She is about to have her second child.

We have known each other from unicorns and bubble letters
to late night whiskey rampages in college.

We are now in the mama stage of our friendship and it's kinda gorgeous.
I can't wait to hold that baby and tell him all the stories
about his lovely and wild mother.

Smooches beautiful Michelle!
We are thinking about you!

cribs and gives

2009-10-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

It's like I so forgot how to get my kid out of a crib.
I couldn't get Finn into one and now I can't get Blaise out of one.
Any suggestions?

PLEASE CHECK OUT my ALESSI giveaway on my other blog CHEEKYMONKEY PLAY

photo via love generation
I WILL CHOOSE A WINNER TUESDAY at 3pm OHIO time! xo

do it like a bad habit for ten years

2009-10-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the pleasure of attending and live blogging the inaugural TEDxColumbus event.(great job @ruthmilligan Curatorial Co-Chair)

It was awesome in a lot of ways.
One particularly awesome thing for me and my pal Angie was having dinner with John and Annie Glenn!

At the dinner/reception prior to the event we were hanging out and saw Mr. And Mrs. Glenn looking for a seat and we offered them space at our table.
We chatted away with them and had a lovely time!!!
We found out John Glenn has an iPhone and encouraged Annie to get one so that they could send each other love texts and silly videos. We talked about life and technology and TED.com.
We talked about space - because you would ask too!
You would be so predictable just like me if you sat next to an astronaut.

He said it was magic and he would go back in the morning if he could.
I felt for a moment like I was experiencing something so damn cool.

Like I understood why Aurora just went gaga over Jack Nicholson in "Terms of Endearment." -the man was IN SPACE!

This is like mind blowing and wicked cool.

He was so sparkly in the eyes and Annie was like a wee doll I wanted to cuddle.
Smart and cool and I am so fortunate to have met them.

I also crushed heavily on Matt Slaybaugh who opened the night with some poetry.
He said something that made me shiver and shake all over:

"Pick something that you love, and do it like a bad habit for ten years."

yes. yes. yes.

sorry to be so annoying...

2009-10-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

I have such a big mouth.
You saw this on twitter or something perhaps- BUT. I am so happy.
It means a lot!

LOOK!

Etsy has featured us here!
(leave us a hello comment if you can!)

Thanks to Etsy and all of our awesome customers
and blogs and sites that have helped us start a whole new life as toy makers!
xo

all of the words burned like tiny phoenix feathers

2009-10-19T05:16:00.000-07:00

My grandfather had a massive stroke and died at the foot of my grandmother 21 years ago today.
I was alerted and pulled from Mrs. Holloway's English classroom.
It was the first time I glanced a face that announced bad news without saying a word.
It was the first time my stomach hit pit sensation directly from the emotional heaviness in the air.

I was shuttled into my parents car and the drive towards my father's hometown was long and all I did was watch the guardrails roll by and listen to my parents emit low sounds of grief.
My fourteen year old self was unsure of the process of mourning if I recall.
I was so sad and unsure of what was happening and all I can remember really is the way the funeral home smelled - like the floral department of a grocery store- and the way my grandmother held her hands together.
She held her hands together so tightly, like the way her 90 year old hands now grip her cane.
She is a tough lady.

Today at the gym I was chatting to my friend Karen and she and I got to discussing love letters. The writing of love letters. She was telling me about her and her husband and how they wrote each other love letters years ago as they had a long distance relationship.
When she told me about it I could see this light pour out of her face and I bathed in it for a second while I peddled on the stationary bike.
Love letters are so powerful and at some point we just stop.
I told her to write her husband one today. I told her I would do the same.
We laughed big laughs that ended the conversation, but it got inside of me and I can't stop thinking about love letters.

When my grandmother got back to her house 21 years ago she took the bundled love letters from her dark brown amoire, they were tied up with string, she took them out and held them tightly in her hands.
She walked up the small hill by her house to the old barrel where she burned her paper trash.
She walked up to the rusty barrel and started a fire with the words of her lover.
She burned them all.
He was gone and the words only lived inside of her heart now.

All of the words burned like tiny phoenix feathers
and floated throughout the backyard of a woman so so sad in Southeastern Ohio

This is what happened 21 years ago today.

like a couple of years ago I said this would never happen

2009-10-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

it is all about the tiny things that make you smile in cab rides home

2009-10-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

I would expect nothing less than brill from her.
How awesome were her wedding favors?
The flipping Internet makes me want to get married all over again.
We are at ten years now.
Renewalhole?

like it always does

2009-10-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

I would like to write a poem about how stunning
these red scattered leaves are on High Street
if I had the time
Because they are so red that they burn yr eyes for one split second when you look at them
the sidewalk looks bloody from far away they are so near perfect
like if you were to try so hard to describe red red leaves to a blind person
it would take so many hours and you would sweat when finished
and the stroller rolls right over them
and they don't make a noise
but you hear a low moan
announcing time has moved again
like it always does
that tricky bitch

outdoor play on smaller

2009-10-13T05:26:00.001-07:00

I am over on Smaller today. (talking about Conkers)

milieu

2009-10-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

The universe is made of stories, not atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser

I want to see you there!

2009-10-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

Me and some Kirtsy gals- Love the way women work together!
I stole this photo from Laura Mayes- thanks baby!

Yo ladies please don't forget about this!
If yr a small business owner or have dreams to be one PLEASE come.
We will learn and play together.
We will laugh.
I promise.
There are 100 other cool nights out all over USA and Canda.
(Kirtsy and Microsoft Office Live ROCK)
Check it out!
Go.
You must.

If you live in Columbus or near enough to drive to these AMAZING FREE EVENT S
I will be giving cool things away.
We can sip coffee and wine and have a night just for us.
See you there!
RSVP pretty please xoxoxoxoxo

hold down the future

2009-10-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Finn's bottom two teeth are about to fall out and I swear to god it freaks me out.
It freaks me out that he is old enough to tongue his naked gums soon.
A hole where his teeth once erupted as I rocked him back and forth across many midnights.
Across the vast canyon of babyhood that only lasted for like ten seconds when I turn my head and think about it.
When I turn my head and strain my left eye.

trying to see the past
trying to hold down the future