There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met. 

Feelings when your needs are satisfied

Feelings when your needs are not satisfied

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

The Center for Nonviolent Communication is a global organization that supports the learning and sharing of NVC, and helps people peacefully and effectively resolve conflicts in personal, organizational, and political settings. What I especially admire about Marshall Rosenberg’ and his NVC organization is his contributions to the creation of world peace through peaceful conflict resolution. If you haven’t read it already, check out his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life available at Amazon.com

Unfortunately, there is not one right way to navigate through the overwhelm of depression. Each person experiencing their journey must reach both outward and inward for support. Below are five powerful tips that can help you discover your own unique approaches to help you cope with the rough patches of depression.

Accept the Situation
If you’re like most people, you really don’t want to accept the situation. After all, this experience feels so terrible you don’t want to accept it. You want to fight it. You want to push against it. You want to do anything to make it to go away. Struggling against depression is an automatic and immediate reaction, however, it is a reaction that only makes you sink deeper. There is a way out, and that way begins with acceptance. Acceptance brings you to a place of stillness to assess the situation from a non-reactionary perspective. 

Prioritize Your Obligations
There are a lot of obligations in our day-to-day lives, but during depression some of those less than critical obligations need to be set on the back burner. Of course, you want to do it all, to live your “normal” life, but acceptance helps you recognize that this is not your “normal” life. You are in a depression process. Carrying too many obligatory “should do’s” will weigh you down, pull you under, and slow down the healing process. So lighten up your load by eliminating all those less than top priority essential actions. Even though you are depressed, you still possess the ability to discern which of your life activities must be sustained, which activities might even be helpful to continue, and which activities must be set aside. 

Breathe deeply
Depression easily keeps your body, mind, and spirit in the quicksand grip of worry, anxiety, fear, and overactive thinking. Learning to manage your breathing is a core skill necessary to lower the stress and calm down. Deep conscious breathing gets you centered and helps you get out of your own way. Breathing is the lubricant that disentangles fear, lifts out heaviness, and brings in hope. With some of that heaviness dispersed, you feel a little lighter, a little more energized, and a little more capable to get through the day. Don’t worry about finding the right way to breathe, just allow yourself to take slow deep breaths often throughout the day and especially when things feel overwhelming. 

Self-Talk that Works
Go to the nearest mirror and talk to your body, your mind, and your spirit. Acknowledge the difficulty of your situation, and thank your body, mind, and spirit for doing their best to help you get through this. 

Your body, although it feels terrible, is not the cause of your depression; it’s the part of you that carries the physical effects of the depression process. Your body must deal with the stress and overwhelm of depression, as well as the lethargy, emotional effects, and aches and pains. Let your body know that you appreciate the hard work it’s doing in helping you move through this experience. 

Also talk to your logical mind with compassion. Your mind is most likely overtaxed and overwhelmed trying to figure out a solution to end this depression. Since depression is a process, there aren’t any mental solutions that your mind can produce to suddenly end this experience. In the mirror, tell your mind that you appreciate all the logical efforts and intellectual attempts at solutions. Let you mind know that it hasn’t failed you, but instead there are no mental solutions that will quickly end depression. 

Lastly, speak with your spirit. You will know instinctively what to say. Offer your spirit gratitude, a plea for help, or even offer your anger. Communication with all parts of you will keep the depression process moving forward. 

Healing Spirit of Nature
Take one walk a day, in a park or natural setting. While you are outside, notice anything that strikes you as colorful, interesting, or pleasing to your senses. Feel the wind on your skin, notice the temperature of the day, smell the flowers, feel the grass beneath your feet, listen to the leaves rustling in the trees, or sit by a creek and watch the water flowing by. Because you are depressed, you may not be able to experience happiness as you once did (and will again), but nature opens your senses and gently heals your wounds. When you don’t know of anything else to do to get yourself through the day, take yourself  outside. 

Depression interferes with life and routines, and disrupts emotions. If you are having a difficult day look both within and without to help you survive. Ask for support. Reach out and be honest. You might be surprised at how many people have been where you are right now. Also reach within and notice the best ways to take care of yourself. 

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.

One of the greatest creative gifts that you already have is the power of your imagination. It will take you to grand places and it will align your desires with love. Your imagination forms new potentials about how you want to live your days on Earth, how much joy you want to have, and how much abundance.

Imagination isn’t structured thoughts or a visual picture of what you want. It is an experience of wandering anywhere your heart and soul choose to go. Imagination is a living relationship with what you want. It’s a new potential for a completely new way of experiencing living life, imagined right here in this present moment.

If you are having a difficult day, if you are stuck and don’t know what to do next, if you have depression and darkness, it can be so easy to get sucked deep down into the pit of doubt and despair. Don’t struggle to get out, because struggling only makes matters worse. Don’t get stumped because you don’t know the specific steps of how to get what you want. Rather imagine connecting with the grandness of who you are. Imagine yourself already living the way you would prefer to be living right now.

Imagination works to create a new potential that did not exist before. It’s like a bubble of possibilities that you produce from the inside out. As that potential takes hold and matures, the first step will naturally show itself to you when the time is right.

Imagination is your greatest tool and it’s with you right now. Imagination unlocks the creative energy within that adds spark to your life, along with purpose, new direction, and confidence. Each day make the effort to not focus so intently on the lack of what you most want, but on imagining the potential of, “I can have what I want.” 

Negative thinking does not cause self-doubt. Doubt is a suppression of self. We suffocate who we are, jamming up energy in the body, clouding over vitality, and leaving life dull and passionless. We end up feeling compressed, small, trapped, and stuck. 

The best way out of doubt is to begin going back into yourself, into what you truly know and feel about yourself, and then express it. One way to create this path of self-expression is to use compassionate self-communication. It’s not about eliminating negative thinking, but about being truthful about your current situation, and also supporting yourself in an honestly encouraging way. 

Self-supportive conversations involve talking to yourself, your body, and your mind in a way that you are your own best friend instead of worst enemy. It’s about deciding to believe that you deserve to succeed rather than fail. If you’re filled with doubt about who you are, or why you’re here, reconnect with the truth in your heart. You are safe in this very moment, and tomorrow will come. Breathe, let go, and venture into your heart where you will find the love and calm you seek. You are deserving of feeling good in your body, worthy of focusing on joy, worthy of receiving blessings and abundance.

Each one of us was born with an innate inner wisdom that guides our lives and serves as an inner measure of personal truth. Inner wisdom is that part of us which is beyond our rational, logical and analytical mind. It’s that inner sense of knowing what is right for us, even though there is no advance proof that we’re making the right decision. Inner wisdom is a feeling of peace even within a difficult situation. It’s the clarity we need to help us move through stress or unanticipated challenges. 

Why Do We Feel Disconnected from Our Inner Wisdom?
If inner wisdom is so powerful, why is it often so elusive or difficult to trust? One reason we don’t trust our inner wisdom is because it directs us to make choices that are aligned with independence and autonomy. It is our inner voice leading us down the path of personal meaning and fulfillment, while at the same time leading us away from the most popular, comfortable or safest path. Our inner wisdom guides us away from conformity and control and moves us toward new experiences and choices. 

Inner wisdom is often elusive as a result of years of neglect. Having shut down parts of ourselves, we often place everyone else’s needs and desires above our own, or habitually place personal priorities and dreams at the bottom of our to-do list. With all this busy activity, we may rarely take time to be still, breathe, and tune into our own dreams and inner guidance. 

In addition we have lost faith in our own ability to trust our hearts and bodies. With this loss of faith, we readily turn to outside sources of information above our own inner sense of guidance. For instance, we trust experts telling us what, when and how much to eat, how to take care of our bodies, and even what to think and say. We dismiss our own inner wisdom for the perceived comfort or ease of letting others be responsible for our choices and actions. 

Reconnecting
Although others may have great ideas and suggestions, when it comes to knowing what is best for us, only we know the answers. It is by learning to listen to our inner wisdom that we take back the true direction of our lives. Each of us has the ability and wisdom to make our own decisions, whether or not those decisions fit in with popular positions. 

How do we get back in touch with our inner wisdom? Inner wisdom thrives in an atmosphere of self-love, patience, and acceptance. To listen, we give ourselves permission to hear our inner wisdom and permission to connect with our personal power. In addition, we quiet the mind and gracefully allow our inner wisdom to present itself in an unrushed and unforced naturally flowing manner. 

Often we connect with our inner wisdom in a variety of ways, without even knowing that we do so. For example, inner wisdom shows up in dreams, daydreams, or ideas that come from outside of the logical mind. Inner wisdom can be a meaningful coincidence or synchronicity. Have you ever picked up a book, opened it at random and read a sentence that has a powerful effect on you? Or perhaps turned on the television, flipped through the channels, and then suddenly stopped on a show that seemed to speak directly to you? These are all open avenues of communication from your own inner wisdom to your conscious mind. 

Listening to your inner wisdom is a habit that takes time and patience. To build trust with your inner wisdom, relax and be gentle with yourself. Make time to breathe, set your anxiety, worry, or stress aside, and ask, “What will make me happy?” or, “What is my next best step?” When you hear your answer—which may or may not appear in that exact moment—acknowledge your wisdom and take action. Remember, no one knows better than you what is best for you.

Everything has a reason, and depression has one, too. However, the reason for depression may not become apparent until long after the experience has passed. Even as you question why you have been thrust into the pits of blackness and wonder why nothing gets any better, there is deep meaning and value to your experience. Depression is an experience that goes far beyond a chemical imbalance or a clinical condition.

With depression, our first tendency is to resist the unacceptable pain and darkness that goes along with the experience. We want to fight and strive to make things different. We don’t understand why we are depressed or when it will go away. However the non-acceptance is a conflict between how things actually are and your image of how things should be. This lack of alignment generates an additional sense of anger, frustration, hopelessness, and pain on top of an already complex situation. 

How does one accept something that is so painful? Even if a person wanted to, how does one actually do it? Accepting the reality of depression can be very difficult. Yet adopting such a perspective allows you cope with the situation. This means adapting to your depression and learning new ways of taking care of yourself in the best way you can. 

Rather than giving in to passivity and complete helplessness, or continuing with unsuccessful attempts to fight your depression, acceptance allows you to face reality and tell yourself, “All right. This is how things are right now, right in this instant. What actions can I take in this moment to take care of myself even while I’m feeling depressed?” 

Things may not become clear until you are able to look back on them with hindsight. One day, you will reflect upon this miserable experience and realize that your depressive process was a pivotal change process in your life. For now, take a breath and be open to the idea that your depression has meaning. All of your life is on purpose. Depression is a process and the more you know about that process, the more you can help yourself move through the experience. 

If you or someone you know is depressed, Depression Freedom is a powerful book that reveals new insights about the nature of depression… and how to move through it.

~John Muir

A fortunate few have been witness to the park’s amazing natural “firefall.” Horsetail Falls, aka El Capitan Falls, drops 1500 feet off incredible El Capitan. For about ten days at the end of each February, if conditions are right, orange sunsets are reflected in the fall each evening, which makes the cascading water look like it’s on fire. 

During the winter in Yosemite, coming off of El Capitan, there is an almost non-existent waterfall called “Horsetail Falls.” Many maps don’t even have it marked because it’s a seasonal waterfall and only flows during the peak of the snow and ice melt between December and February.  During the last two weeks in February, IF there is snow and ice still melting from the top of the mountain, and IF it is clear at sunset (which doesn’t happen too often due to the winter storms) the setting sun will turn this waterfall into a stream of molten fire. In order for the waterfall to look like molten lava, the sun’s position must be exactly at a particular spot in the sky. This occurs only in the month of February and at the short hours of dusk.

Joy is not a logical concept and as such can never be experienced by the mind. Joy is the result of love—or the spirit of an individual—becoming manifested in life. In other words, joy requires experiencing. 

For example, joy can be experienced while quietly watching a sunset, cooking a meal, feeling the warmth of a southerly breeze, or in a moment of simple stillness. When we are playing, laughing, expressing ourselves, or even dancing, joy appears spontaneously. 

Great pleasure fills us when we engage in stimulating or exciting endeavors. We “forget” ourselves and have a good time. In other words, we lose the tight control we have over ourselves, soften our bodies, breathe more deeply, and remain absorbed in the current moment.

What is joy?
It is a bird
That we all want to catch.
It is the same bird
That we all love to see flying

- Sri Chinmoy

Although no end is in sight to what looks like the worst nightmare of your life, your situation is not hopeless. You don’t need to go it alone, but you do need to show up for yourself like you have never done before. Although motivation may be almost nonexistent and persevering through this journey seems a grueling task, it is necessary that you take positive action. You cannot recover by a mere act of will or sheer willpower. You can’t change your “mood” and no longer be depressed. You can’t wish it away. 

What you can do is take action on the small things that help you survive for the long haul and keep your experience moving forward. Gaining freedom from depression is a process that can’t be rushed. However, while you may not be able to speed up the process, there are unfortunately plenty of ways to get tangled up in the situation and make things worse than they already are.   

The key to depression recovery is to start small and keep doing the small things. Your goal is not to make yourself achieve happiness. It’s not that you won’t have some occasional moments of feeling okay or even somewhat cheerful, but overall, “happy” isn’t going to be one of your leading emotions. Your objective is to keep the process moving. It’s very, very easy to get stuck. You want to act in ways that will make a positive difference to get your energy unblocked and flowing.

 There are many, many paths, techniques, medicines, religions, and expert opinions concerning how best to get through depression. Your path through depression is as singular as you are, and no technique in the world can possibly encompass that. All those who are experiencing depression must discover for themselves, through experience, what works for them. Because your depression is unique, you can’t just fit yourself into the framework of a certain set of ideas. There is no one right way to move through your depression, nor is there a perfect system that you can follow. 

As you journey through your depression experience, take the information you encounter into that place within where you can touch your soul, where your wisdom resides. When certain ideas that you like resonate with you, make sense to you, then take those ideas and move forward. But if there’s an idea that doesn’t seem to ring true within you, ignore it or maybe come back to it later. Through your depression, you are learning to trust the unique essence that is you, and to do so, you get to choose the ideas and tools that are most effective for you. 

Are you looking for new ways to end depression? Even if you are angry at yourself for being human and have lost all hope, Depression Freedom http://www.annettecolby.com/depression_freedom.shtml shows the gentle steps you can take to skillfully lead yourself through depression and restore the joy of living. It is impossible to read this book without being changed by it. The inspiration within these pages will captivate you and be the inspiration you need to stop the reign of darkness and embrace a new celebration of life.