As leaders, some of our daily interactions can become frustrating and draining.  The next time you are frustrated or exhausted think about these 4 Attitudes for Leadership and see if you can shift to a better place of balance.   

• Have No Expectations
• Have No Judgment
• Have a Beginner’s Mind
• Be an Observer

Let’s take a look at these 4 attitudes and how they are relevant and applicable to leadership.  These 4 attitudes can guide us to mastery of ourselves and as a leader.  They are powerful “ways of being” that can be a compass for us to authentic leadership.

Have No Expectations (Meditation)

Bottom Line: If we don’t have any expectations, we can’t get frustrated! Think about that for a moment: “If we don’t have any expectations, we can’t get frustrated”. In meditation, this is probably the biggest problem for beginners; they expect their mind to be calm, or blank, when they meditate.  This is an unfortunate myth that needs to be broken. 

I have learned I will not ever have a calm mind when I meditate. This truly was the biggest reason in the past, I kept telling myself, “I can’t meditate, meditation is not for me, my mind is always going!” The reality is, while we are meditating, we will have some kind of a focus for our meditation session (for example, meditating on our breathing, that we can return to over and over again), but the human mind will wander & wander, and our job is to bring it back to the focus of our meditation gently.  So, have no expectations of your meditation practice and know that every meditation session may be unique, and every person’s experiences are unique.

Have No Expectations (Leadership)

• As leaders, we must have expectations of ourselves as a leader and of our direct reports to ensure things get done.  However, where this attitude can help us as a leader, is where we become attached to outcomes, whether for ourselves or others.  If we are attached to an outcome, we are no longer in the present moment; we are living in the past or future. 
• Living in the past, if an outcome/goal did not occur and we ruminate on the “why not, should have, could have, would have’s” and “who can I blame?”  For a leader, this can waste a lot of energy and time, which are two of our most precious resources, and this type of attitude can and will disempower our team members. 
• Living in the future, attached to an outcome/goal/deadline can create so much pressure on you as a leader and on others around us, which can impede progress and creativity and create fear which totally disempowers others and can stop productivity and execution. 
• Bottom Line:  have expectations for success and execution; however, don’t become attached to those expectations.  Stay open, continually know the target, also know how and when to adapt and shift to be a more powerful and effective leader where you empower others and create an interdependent culture, where others feel they can execute, bring ideas and share their truth with their leaders in a safe and open environment. 

Have a No-Judgment Attitude (Meditation)

• Simply, don’t judge yourself or your meditation experience. 
• As you sit in meditation, you may talk to yourself, such as “oh, my mind is too busy and won’t calm down”, or “I don’t think I’m meditating correctly”.
• After your meditation, you may feel more relaxed or maybe feel anxious or have other emotions.  If you feel worse, you might say “that was useless”.
• Be gentle on yourself, don’t judge anything. Just observe what’s happening.

Have a No-Judgment Attitude (Leadership)

• Please don’t judge yourself as a leader. It does not matter what our Leadership Assessments says or “labels” us. We, as human beings, have the ability to outperform or underperform any assessment that we take. It is a choice! 
• Judging is harsh because we typically will label the situation/circumstance/person as good or bad. In life and leadership, good/bad/challenging things will happen — it is part of the journey. Stay away from Judgment and focus on the present moment. These are the circumstances in this moment: What is the best solution?  Who are my resources? When we stay in judgment, we stimulate the limbic system, the emotional part of the brain which keeps us in reactive mode.  Shift! It is a choice. Simply ask yourself a question and shift to the analytical part of the brain where you can actually – solve the problem! 
• Judging others as good or bad is also a counter-productive attitude to have as a leader.  Of course, we will come across people, who we lead, who we simply “don’t get along with” or “don’t understand”. Yea! That means we will be learning and growing as a leader. Take the time to get to know this person. I can guarantee you, if you take the time, you will find something you have in common, and your attitude will shift.  People can feel when we judge them or don’t like them.  We give off an energy simply by “thinking” I don’t like this person.  Be aware!  Judging others as a leader is counter-productive to what a leader wants and needs to get accomplished.  It absolutely requires self-awareness and the ability to shift. 
• Example:  Let’s take a look at hiring: how does judgment or bias come into play?  Implicit bias (stereotyping) is an automatic process that influences our hiring decisions. It’s our gut feeling. We may not realize that there exists a bias within ourselves in the areas of race, ethnicity, age, gender, socio-economic status, school attended, and even how a person looks, sounds, or dresses. But within 90 seconds of meeting a candidate, we form an opinion or judgment. Although our decisions might seem genuinely objective, we often don’t recognize that the best person for the job was eliminated solely on the grounds of our own implicit bias.  Challenge yourself daily, as a leader to show up without judgment or bias – it’s not so easy! 

Have a Beginner’s Mind (Meditation)

• Start each meditation session with a beginner’s mind.  This means starting with a blank slate, no matter how much meditation experience you have, and not trying to recreate a past positive experience.
• Allow a freshness to open-up as you start your meditation, and don’t force anything in particular to happen.

Have a Beginner’s Mind (Leadership)

• As a leader we must have a mindset of continuous learning. 
• From every interaction we have with circumstances/situations/people, we can learn something new.  We can challenge ourselves outside of our comfort zone.  We can listen to other’s ideas and feedback. 
• We can shift our attitudes from “that’s the way we have always done it” to trying something new. 
• Sometimes when solving a challenge, we have to challenge ourselves to look at, and think about the challenge in a different way, a new perspective, outside of the box.  Who challenges you as a leader to think outside of the box?  Every leader needs people who challenge us to see things from a different perspective.  Different people will see and experience things uniquely – this is extremely important for leaders to allows others to share their perspectives and experiences.
• Example:  A simple way to implement this as a leader is during a review, of course cover the basics (job expectations, team player, accomplishments, areas to grow, etc.). However, you can add: 
  • What is one thing you think we should STOP doing and why?
  • What is one thing you think we should START doing and why?
  • What is one thing you think we should CONTINUE doing and why?
• You will be amazed at what you might learn from asking those 3 questions!

Be an Observer (Meditation)

• Be a curious observer of what happens during meditation.
• Witness how your mind concentrates, how it might wander around, and how you feel physically and emotionally during a session.
• Take on an observation role, watching yourself and how you experience the session. Recognize your own attitudes.
• When we are beginners, we hope to find a place of quiet/stillness, instead we discover how very unquiet we are. Don’t get frustrated – it is part of the process. We cannot achieve a quieter/focused mind until first we become aware of how very noisy it is.

Be an Observer (Leadership)

• Curiosity is imperative as a leader.  When we come from a curious place, we have the ability to pause and reflect, ask open-ended questions, give others an opportunity to share their knowledge, wisdom and experience and continue to learn and grow. 
• Listening:  listening is key for a leader, not just listening to words, using all of our senses to truly and deeply understand how things actually get done within the organization.  Who is “happy” with their role and job and who is not?  Who has more to offer?  Who is in need of support?  Who is struggling?  How does a leader Be an Observer?
• Be Open to Honest Feedback:  what are others observing about your leadership, way of doing and goals?  Allow others to contribute to goals for the organization, this creates automatic buy-in.  Have staff members, who you trust and know they will share the truth with you about your way of being – be curious and ask – “How am I doing as a leader”?  “What would you recommend I do to create a healthier culture?” 
• Example – Manage by Walking Around:  Many of you have heard this term, it is so important as a leader.  So often, a leader can be focusing so much ON the business and loose touch with what is going on IN the business.  It is important, from my perspective, to get out behind your desk no less than, once a week and manage by walking around.  Be Present, interact with your staff, observe what is really going on, use all of your senses, including our intuition and that takes slowing down and truly being present. 

Leadership Challenge:  Find ways you can implement these 4 Attitudes into your daily interactions with yourself and others. 

• Have No Expectations
• Have No Judgment
• Have a Beginner’s Mind
• Be an Observer

Leadership is not about your title, your accomplishments, the tasks you get done, how much money you make, it is about growing yourself and others!  It is about your attitudes: adopting the mindset of lifelong learning along with compassion for ourselves and others as we “find our way” through challenges and successes! 

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Mindfulness

For a leader, being mindful is absolutely necessary for success.  Mindful of our way of being, the energy we are emanating at any given time.  Our focus on projects, with people and how we respond to stressful situations.  Being mindful means pressing the pause button and thinking before speaking and/or responding.  Being mindful of our response, knowing that others will follow our lead and be impacted by our responses.  Are we focused or distracted? Are we aware or on autopilot?

Selflessness

As a servant leader, selflessness is part of leading and caring for those we are responsible for, on our team, and within our organizations.  Simple communication awareness where in our conversations we use “we”, “us”, “our” versus “I”, “me”, “my”.  Selfless leadership behavior enhances engagement, sense of belonging, team culture, allows for recognition of others and allows a more creative and innovative environment for solving problems.  Selfless means, as a leader, we give the credit to others, building their confidence and esteem.  As a leader when we are able to make others feel seen, safe, soothed and secure, we are coming from another’s focused mindset.  (by Dr. Dan Siegal)

• Seen – this is not just seeing with the eyes.  It means perceiving them deeply and empathically — sensing the mind behind their behavior, with what Dr. Siegal calls “mindsight”. 
• Safe – we avoid actions and responses that frighten or hurt others
• Soothed – we help others deal with difficult emotions and situations
• Secure – we help them develop an internalized sense of well-being.

Compassion

Potential Project Survey research findings about compassion.  Most leaders have the intention to be of benefit to others.  91% of leaders surveyed said that compassion is very important for leadership.  However, 80% wanted to enhance their compassion and did not know how! Combining compassion and wisdom, where, as a leader, being able to have tough conversations with respect and clarity.  As a leader, we must always check our intention in any given situation, ask ourselves “how can I be of benefit with this person or in this situation?” and practice random acts of kindness.  Compassionate things leaders say every day:

• How can I best support you?
• What can we learn from this?
• How can we do this better?
• Help me to understand…
• I believe in you
• We are in this together

Ego is not a good servant

So, what gets in the way of all of this?  Our EGO!  EGO creates a culture of:

• Top-down control
• Power struggles
• Fear of feedback (sees as criticism versus learning opportunity)
• Self-interest (Me VS. We)
• Withholding information
• Blaming others
• Silos between teams
• Competitive Environment (Win-Lose mindset)

The leader who checks their EGO at the door creates a culture of:

• Ownership thinking amongst staff members
• Mutual empowerment
• Collaboration
• Openness to learning from mistakes
• Sharing of information and knowledge
• Mutual support and care for others success
• Accountability
• Unified team
• Healthy debate and competition

Your Servant Leadership Challenge

To be a Servant Leader who is mindful, selfless and compassionate is not easy!  Start with simply telling yourself to: “Be here now!”  It is so easy to be on autopilot, and mindlessly respond/react to situations and people.  Do the Mental Orientation by simply slowing down for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths, thinking before responding, and, if necessary, hit the pause button.  Reflect, breathe and then respond.  These simple actions will help you be more a more mindful, selfless, and compassionate leader. 

Additional Resource: The Mind of the Leader by Rasmus Hougaard & Jacqueline Carter

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I recently reread a powerful book by Janice Marturano, “Finding the Space to Lead,” about mindful leadership.  Because of all the turmoil in our country and world, it seems that everywhere I look, experts are talking about the importance of Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence, and Empathy.  This includes the World Health Organization, CDC, MindfulLeadership.org, Forbes, Huffington Post, Harvard Business Review — the list goes on.  This blog focuses on mindfulness and its impact on our ability to lead.   

So, what is mindfulness?  Let’s start with saying what it is not!  Mindfulness isn’t:

• Religion
• New Age, Chanting, Burning Incense
• Emptying the Mind
• Not about stopping thinking
• Achieving Relaxation

There are lots of definitions of mindfulness.

Here are a few:

1. Janice Marturano:  Non-judgmental, moment to moment awareness.  It is about becoming more of who we are. 
2. MindfulLeader.org:  Ability to see oneself and the world with clarity and equanimity, enabling actions to arise from a place of stillness, understanding and compassion.
3. Wikipedia Definition:  the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.  A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Hot off the press/new research about mindfulness in times of crisis.

Why is Mindfulness important for a leader? 

• Connection
• Communication
• Initiating Change
• Collaboration
• Respect
• Innovation

The capacity to lead with excellence is directly related to our ability to connect with our self, others and the community. For that reason, it is imperative for a leader to be able to communicate mindfully by purposefully pausing before responding, being open to what is happening in the moment, listening deeply and respectfully speaking the truth.  Leaders need to be able to skillfully initiate or guide change by being responsive versus reactive to situations, circumstances and people in your organization.  Leaders need to be proficient in creating a collaborative environment, where many can contribute safely and feel acknowledged for their contributions.  Authentically being respectful of others by showing up, being present and honoring your people personally and professionally.  Finally, leaders need to intentionally design open space for innovation and creativity to remain relevant and solve challenges within their organization.  

Quote: “The depth of connection we have with others at home/work, is directly affected by our capacity to pay attention, and then to speak, or listen, from the mind and heart.” Janice Marturano

What can prevent us from leading mindfully?  Distraction!

One of the biggest challenges for us as leaders is Continuous Partial Attention.  We go from one task, meeting, responsibility, challenge to the next without any reflection time.  As a result, we are constantly stuck in doingness versus beingness.  Working IN the business (the daily tasks of running the business) is very different from working ON the business (time spent on studying best practices, remaining relevant, being innovative).  Our fear is that if we don’t multi-task, we will fall behind or fail.  This is simply not true. 

The definition of Continuous Partial Attention is:

• Multi-tasking
• Being in a hurry
• Not being fully present
• Distracted
• Auto Pilot

Stop and reflect for a moment:

• When was the last time you were fully present in a meeting? 
• What slipped through the cracks the last time you were multi-tasking?
• When you were running late, showed up to a meeting in a hurry and your rushed energy impacted others?
• When was the last time you were fully present for your family and not thinking about something at work or a personal challenge you were dealing with?
• How does being on Auto Pilot impact your ability to be innovative?

“We log into our devices several times a day, perhaps change your PW to something that reminds you about your leadership principles.  Purposefully pause, breathe, and log into your heart, mind and body.” 

Dawn MacDonald

Leadership Challenge: 

Find ways as a leader to take purposeful pauses each day.  They are available at any moment! They will allow you to see things more clearly. Purposeful pauses allow us to respond rather than react.   Here are some ways you can integrate mindfulness into your day:

• A moment in the day when you notice the chaos of the day has been non-stop and you choose to intentionally pay attention and slow down.
• Take a moment and simply breathe, pay attention to your breath, inhaling and exhaling.
• The next time you are running late to a meeting, instead of showing up with an exacerbated way of being, slow down, breathe and recenter before joining the meeting.  Take a moment just before you enter to take time to transition from rushing to being present.
• Try being fully present at a meeting and truly listening to the people in the meeting, versus distracted, like being on your phone or thinking about your next meeting, task or responsibility.
• When you are at home, focus on being fully present with your significant other and children.
• The next time you are doing something that you do every day and are very familiar with, try doing that task or activity with mindfulness.  Pay attention to how you are doing that task versus being on auto pilot.
• The next time you catch yourself multi-tasking, stop, pause and focus fully on one activity/task at a time. 
• Create Open Space in your daily schedule to take time to transition from one task to the next, to allow time to work ON and IN the business.
  • IN the business – the daily tasks that occur within the business
  • ON the business – the tasks that focus on the sustainability of the business, strategic planning, visioning, innovation, etc. 
• A guided meditation to Reset and Refresh. 
• Check out this You Tube about Purposeful Pauses (4 min). 

Here is a simple way to take a purposeful pause in your day – give it a try!

Intentionally bring your attention to the sensations of your breath. No need to close your eyes, or sit a particular way, or even sit at all. You can feel your breath sensations sitting, standing, walking or lying down. Next, pay attention to the sensations that you notice during the entire in-breath and the entire out-breath. Don’t change your breathing in any way, just feel the stretch of your muscles with the in-breath, and the release of your muscles with the out- breath. You aren’t actually thinking about breathing, you are paying attention to how it feels to breathe. When your mind gets distracted (which it will), just redirect your mind back to the sensations of your breath. As you repeat this practice for a few breaths, see if you can notice your body and mind settling into the present moment.

Create a Ripple of Mindfulness with your staff, co-workers, team and personal family members.  Let us know what happens!

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Here are 5 Steps to help you save time and work more efficiently from home.

1. Create a routine

Since many of us are no longer commuting to work every day and working from home, use that “commute time” to transition into work mode.  Create a routine.  I recently had a Zoom call with my brother, Bob, and I noticed he was in a dress shirt and jacket.  He is currently working from home 100%.  I asked him about his formal clothing and why was that necessary if he was working from home?  He said, “I never changed my morning routine, I get up every day, Monday – Friday and follow my same routine as if I was going into the office, including getting into my work clothes.  The routine and clothing are part of my mindset, that says, ‘it’s time to work’.” 

What is your morning routine that says, “it’s time to work?”  Perhaps you no longer have a commute back and forth to work; how will you use that time?  Start a morning meditation practice, exercise or go for a 20-minute walk, or read a personal development book during the time you would normally be driving.  Do something that is productive and growth oriented to set the stage for your workday. 

2. Set your daily “Must Achieve”

Each day, overview your tasks, meetings, projects, timelines, etc.  Often, we can get sucked into mundane or unimportant tasks because we are avoiding a task that perhaps, we don’t feel like doing, or don’t like.  Stephen Covey has a great model to keep you on track every day using a quadrant system. Assign each of your tasks to one of these quadrants. Then, use the action word – DO, PLAN, DELEGATE, ELIMIATE – in each quadrant to handle that task.

In the “urgent and important” quadrant, these are your must-dos for the day.  Choose your “Daily Must Achieve” from your tasks, meetings, projects etc., and get her done!

3. Schedule non-negotiable time blocks

This time is for you to remove all distractions and focus on whatever you choose for that time block.  I try to schedule one of these time blocks in the morning and one in the afternoon. Creating non-negotiable time to focus and get things done is really important.  Put it on your calendar, let your staff, co-workers, manager, and family members know that is 100% focus time.  It is amazing how much you can get done creating these time blocks!

4. Prioritize breaks

Many of my clients tell me they are working more hours working at home!  As a result, they can become frazzled, tired, and physically stiff from all that screen time. Be sure to take breaks, get up, walk around, step away from that screen!  For instance, don’t eat at your desk.  Go outside and take a short walk or simply sit on your patio and breathe in the fresh air and disconnect from technology and doingness.  Get up move, stretch – breathe.  These breaks allow you to clear your head, reset and re-energize.  Experts have found that sometimes taking a break from a difficult project allows us to clear our mind and solve challenges more efficiently.

There’s a time management technique called the “Pomodoro System” that breaks your work down into 25 minute work blocks with short and long breaks between them. Here’s a blog I wrote about using the Pomodoro System to beat procrastination, and here’s a quick rundown of the technique along with links to timer apps that might help you implement the system.

5. Create clear boundaries

Separate your work time from your home and family time.  Create clear boundaries.  Set a schedule and stick to it! Above all, if you make a promise to your family members to do something at a certain time, do it!  It can be really easy to work, work, work!  No amount of money or success can take the place of time spent with our loved ones.  Make them a priority! 

In conclusion, I hope you found these suggestions helpful.  Let me know your thoughts and what is working for you if you are working from home.  What systems and processes have you found are beneficial to you being more successful working from home and integrating work and home life. 

By the way, I am now a certified yoga instructor! Here is a routine for a quick break and some stretches at your desk.  Enjoy!

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John Maxwell posed the question, Are you a Conversational Leader or Directional Leader?  That made me think, what a great blog to research and discuss!  Here are my findings.  What are your thoughts? 

Conversational Leadership

Conversational Leadership is simply a way forward that recognizes we are dealing with a new environment – a complex, changing world that requires different ways of seeing the world, thinking, and behaving.  A single leader or small group does not have the ability to make sense of everything that is going on within an organization or the world.  We need to be more conversational with those in our organization, who may see things differently or have meaningful work experiences or who have valuable information to share that would impact decisions, planning and strategies.  A conversational leader wants others to talk and fully listens to their staff members, asks a question and genuinely cares about the answer.

The challenge?  This takes time, patience, and effort!  Many leaders, especially right now, think to themselves, “I DON’T HAVE TIME!”  It is exactly during these times, we need to slow down, not let urgency run/rule our decisions and behaviors and take the time to converse with those around us. Your team may have valuable and important information to share that could actually save you time in the long run.  Noodle on that one for a while…

Conversational Leadership Characteristics

• See leadership as a practice not a position
• Create a more participatory culture, where staff members contribute to the vision, plans & problem solving
• Create a culture of open communication, (Up and down), vulnerability, accountability, and trust
• The leaders truly care for their staff members
• Create a safe environment where all admit mistakes, take responsibility
• More face to face conversations (Zoom), less emails and texting
• Improves decision making and strategizing through conversations
• Leads through influence, which is earned over time
• Builds relationships through meaningful conversations and respect of others
• Takes the time to better understand staff members and their wins and challenges
• Engages different perspectives to solve problems
• Communicates the plan, checks back in, and follows through on removing barriers for staff
• Builds community within the organization, where human beings truly care about each other
• Makes decisions, with information from staff, and cascades those decisions with clarity, confidence, and respect
• Listens, Listens, Listens

“Conversational Leadership is about appreciating the extraordinary but underutilized power of conversation, recognizing that we can all practice leadership and adopt a conversational approach to the way in which we live and work together in an increasingly complex world.” 

David Gurteen

Directional Leadership

Now, let’s take a look at Directional Leadership.  The Business Dictionary Definition:

“An instructional type of managerial style characterized by a leader who tells subordinate staff what they are expected to do and how to perform the tasks.  A directive leadership style might be helpful for a manager within a business where their subordinate staff members have jobs that are not particularly specialized, so they need more guidance to avoid uncertainty.” 

Clarity is the gift a directional leader gives to an organization. A directional leader is driven by purpose, values bright and helpful ideas, and is determined to push things forward. Without directional leaders on a team, purpose and direction will wane over time. 

“Tells subordinate staff what they are expected to do and how to perform the tasks”  sounds like micromanaging to me. I don’t even like the words “subordinate staff”; this feels very hierarchical to me.  Aren’t we all human beings who have similar dreams, hopes, and concerns and truly want to be successful?  Most staff members want to do their best, help the company and the people within it achieve results!  This puts tremendous stress and responsibility on Managers, Supervisors, and the Leadership team.

Driven by purpose is great, but is that purpose in alignment with the Values and Vision of the organization and are the people in alignment with those same Values and Vision?  Or is it a personal agenda attached to ego? 

“Determined to push things forward” — at what cost?  Is this push at the cost of the staff members, the customers, or the business itself?  Yes, getting things done is imperative; it is the “how” that can make or break the culture within an organization.  And the culture will absolutely impact the customer!  It seems to me that pushing avoids collaboration and reduces morale over time.

Directional Leadership can provide:

• Structure to unstructured tasks
• Emphasizes safety and security
• Rules and regulations are the primary emphasis
• Creates clarity with role descriptions
• Ensures workers will complete their tasks

Stay Flexible, but Focus on Conversational

Please don’t misunderstand me, there are times where being a directive leader is important and appropriate. For example, clear and specific direction is appropriate in a crisis or emergency. However, I think that, long term, Conversational Leadership is more effective at building a healthy culture.  As leaders, we must learn to adapt and pivot in any given moment. Building the confidence of the staff in the leadership team takes building relationships, which is the Conversational Leadership Style. 

John Maxwell said in his YouTube: “Crisis is the great revealer. In a crisis, everything is revealed instantaneously.  Separates the pretenders from the players with leadership.  Players are all about the people, the pretenders are all about themselves, they typically have an agenda, how can I look good.”

Followers want to know 3 things from their leader: 

• Do you like me?
• Can you help me?
• Can I trust you?

A leader needs to be proactive and ask those questions of themselves: 

• Do I really love and care for the people I lead?  How do I demonstrate that every day?
• How can I help my people grow?
• What do I do to build trust every day?

In my book, 5 Languages of Leadership, I refer to the Conversational Leadership Style as “People Centric” and the Directional Leadership Style as “Commanding”.  From my perspective it is important for a leader to assess each situation/challenge and flex into the needed style for that situation or person.  This is where Emotional Intelligence and Business Acumen meet. 

Today’s Leadership Challenge

Choose to be a Conversational Leader the majority of the time instead of a Directional Leader.  Take the time to pause and ask yourself, who do I need to be in this moment to best handle this situation, circumstance, or challenge along with the people involved?

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With the coronavirus pandemic affecting our world, nation, communities, workplaces, and families, as Angela Duckworth says, “If you’re not stressed right now, you’re not alive!”  That does not mean that we must become victims of the stress, anxiety and fear that are currently front and center in many of our lives. As leaders, we must be in tune with how we, ourselves, are feeling, how our staff members are feeling, and how to get the support we and others may need.  Find your own focus to get through stressful times.

What is the Difference Between Stress, Anxiety and Fear? 

They may feel the same at times; however, they are quite different.

Definition of Stress:  There are several definitions, however, for this blog, the most relevant definition is: “A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.”

With the shock and uncertainty that have rocked our world, it is no wonder most of us are experiencing some form of stress.  As companies are moving forward with “getting back to work,” most are dealing with how to keep their staff members Physically and Psychologically Safe, which leads to stress for the leaders of the company and the staff members. 

Here is an interesting article from Alexander Alonso for CNN Business regarding the future of work after the coronavirus pandemic. 

This article suggests “the importance for a strong CHRO (Chief Human Resource Officer),” meaning, once again, it is all about the people!  All of us have to learn to adapt to our new world and learn how to support our staff members. We must help them not only survive, but thrive through the changes, while they continue to work so the business can also survive and thrive.  Leaders must be agile and constantly looking to support their staff members to serve their customers. Leaders must be present and hands-on during this time of uncertainty to create confidence and build trust.  They must be willing to listen, check in with their staff members weekly (or at least bi-weekly,) meet with their staff face to face (with a mask) or virtually, one on one, to check in and let them know they are there for support and appreciate all they do. 

Touch Base with your Staff

Here are some questions leaders can use to check in with their staff members and build strong relationships, trust, and confidence in the leadership of their organization:   

• What thoughts are running through your mind today?
• How are those thoughts impacting you?
• What are you in control of right now?
• What does physical safety mean to you?
• How can you create a sense of physical safety for yourself and our team during this pandemic?
• What does psychological safety mean to you?
• How can you create more psychological safety for yourself and our team?
• Would professional help/support be beneficial?
• How can I help you get the support/professional support you need?
• What suggestions do you have that may be beneficial to our staff and the people we serve?

By engaging the staff members with ideas for the organization and their team, they will focus on problem solving versus the stress of these uncertain circumstances.  Leaders must be in tune with their team and demonstrate high levels of Emotional Intelligence. 

Stress and Remote Work

The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) recently found:

• 71% of employers are struggling to adjust to remote work
• 65% say maintaining employee morale has been a challenge
• More than 1/3 are facing difficulties with company culture

Remote work, morale and the company culture, are all people-related!  Leaders will absolutely need to be on top of these three potential challenges along with the stress, anxiety and fear that may have shown up the last two months, may be showing up again with the re-opening of businesses, along with the roller coaster of emotions around the uncertainty and unknown factors of the future. 

Anxiety and Its Impact

Let’s move onto Anxiety in the workplace, what it is, how to identify it and what to do as a leader. 

Definition of Anxiety:  All of these definitions are applicable right now!

1. “A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” (Wondering, what will tomorrow bring?)
2. “Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.” (Going back to work at the office, going to the grocery store.)
3. “A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.”  (Creating physical responses:  feeling cold, irregular breathing, and a rapid pulse.)

Many of my clients have shared with me that they have experienced some of the physical responses and did not realize until we talked what was causing those physical symptoms.  All caused by the Anxiety of the Pandemic itself.  Most of it related to the unknown and feeling out of control of our immediate environment. 

So the key difference, from my perspective, between Stress and Anxiety is that Stress is more mental and emotional where Anxiety can create a physical response on the body.  Leaders need to be paying attention to their own responses along with their staff members’ responses and get the support needed.

Fear and Overcoming It

Finally, what about FEAR?  What is the definition and how does it show up in the workplace?

Definition of Fear: “An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

I would say there is fear around contracting the Coronavirus.  There is so much information around COVID-19, the news continues to focus on the number of people who have contracted the virus and the number of deaths.  In the state of Colorado, it has just been reported that these numbers are inaccurate.  Anyone who dies is being tested for COVID-19; if the test is positive, whether they died from the virus or a car crash, they are being added into the numbers of COVID deaths.  As we all know, there are many who are carriers of the virus with no apparent symptoms.  Very interesting!  So, a lot of the information being reported may or may be true, and the larger the numbers, the more fear those numbers can create for many of us.  Limit the number of hours you are spending researching this Pandemic. 

One of my favorite acronyms for F.E.A.R is:  False Evidence Appearing Real

The Solution is:  Face Everything And Rise 

Fear can paralyze us mentally, physically, and emotionally.  When this happens, we are functioning in our Sympathetic Nervous System.  This is where the Flight, Fight or Freeze response can be triggered.  Our decision-making capability basically disappears, and we move into survival mode.  Position, Title, etc. does not matter, this can happen to leaders and their staff members.  This can be devastating to the entire staff and impact the organizations ability to deliver their product. 

Working Through Negative Emotions

So, how do we as leaders work through the Stress, Anxiety and Fear for ourselves and our staff members?

Here are some ideas:

• Ask questions to guide them out of their fight, flight or freeze response and back into their rational brain, so they can problem solve versus react (Examples shared above)
• Allow them to share their concerns, feelings, and emotions about the pandemic and anything else that might be bothering them
• Focus on bringing them into the Present Moment
  • Focus on taking 10 deep breaths – Taking 10 deep breaths can shift people from the Sympathetic Nervous System, back into the Parasympathetic Nervous System
  • Noticing & Acknowledging current reactions & emotions
  • Not judging what is happening as good or bad
  • Guide them to focus on what they are in control of right now
• If necessary, help them get the professional support they need
• Practice Emotional Intelligence
• Demonstrate Compassion & Empathy
• Stay connected with your staff
• Stay connected with the families you are serving
• Stay connected with your community
• Great Opportunity to Educate & Elevate! 

As leaders, we have an opportunity to Find our Focus by being self-aware of what we are experiencing and processing those experiences effectively and supporting our staff members, by being the Light in the Dark for others. A Pandemic is a global phenomenon – we really are all in this together!

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Anxiety can creep up the thermometer quickly and throw us into an emotional spiral of fear or uncertainty. Anxiety can paralyze our ability to think and make decisions, especially during trying times like these. A hamster wheel of rumination can start spinning inside of our heads. It distracts us from being able to lead effectively, make important decisions, and be the example our staff members need. 

There are several techniques that you can quickly use to reduce the anxiety and get you back on track! Here are some ideas for you to try. Give them a chance and see what works for you. Here is another resource that just came in from The Chopra Center: “6 Ways to Reduce Anxiety and Make a Paradigm Shift.”   

Acknowledge What You Are Feeling

Increasing awareness, acknowledging what you are feeling and talking about it out loud with a trusted friend, colleague, or coach can release pressure immediately. Those of you who have had coaching most likely have experienced relief simply from verbalizing what is bothering you. Something magical occurs for us as humans, when we verbalize, out loud, what is bothering us. It truly helps for our own mind to hear, in our own voice what is concerning us and often lowers the stress around the issue immediately! Talk it out! Many times, when I invite a client to share what they are experiencing or feeling, after they have verbalized, they say “Now that I am talking about this out loud, I am realizing it is not as big an issue.”

Journal

There is so much research and neuroscience backing up the mental and emotional release that occurs when we journal. It can be something as simple as writing down a few words or thoughts that are bothering you. Getting those thoughts out our of our head and onto paper prevents those thoughts from tumbling around inside our heads, where they often grow and get bigger! Holding these thoughts inside our head, often Increases our emotional and mental anxiety. Get it out of your head by writing it out!

Meditate

Practice mindfulness, taking a moment to simply close your eyes and breathe, pay attention to you breath, close out the rest of the world and go inward to find peace in your breath. 5-10 focused breaths can change the way you feel, think and respond. Breathe it out!

Physical & Emotional Safety

Physical safety is on the top of our minds these days, not just for ourselves, but also for our loved ones who may be at higher risk. Don’t let novel coronavirus creep into your mind. A virus of the mind can be much more damaging and create increased stress, which also lowers the strength of our immune system. In addition, many can be concerned about financial safety as well.  Here is a You Tube video I recently made with friend and LCSW, Theresa London. If you feel your anxiety reeling out of control, try this amazing EFT technique, called tapping.

Limit TV and News Time

During times like this we can become obsessed with watching or listening or researching on the internet for the latest information, increasing our anxiety levels. Limit yourself, pick a few reliable sources and limit your time. My husband and I limit our time to 20 minutes a day. In addition, I listen to one podcast about COVID-19 per day to stay educated.  Filter it out!

Music

Listen to your favorite music. There are so many musicians playing their music for free and they are uplifting and positive. Try to listen to upbeat music that uplifts your spirit. There is music designed for stress release; here is a link to what I listen to in the background while I am working. By the way, this link has had more than twenty million hits! There is a lot of research around music and the how different frequencies impact us in unique ways. This link is to 852HZ, which allows us to let go of fear, ruminating thoughts and anxiety. 

Practice Gratitude

Again, there’s lots of research and scientific evidence about practicing gratitude. In a moment of high stress or anxiety, stop, take a breath, and ask yourself “what am I grateful for in this moment?” This will bring you back to the present moment, which is really all we are in control of at any given time. Practicing Gratitude creates an opportunity to stay in the present moment and lowers anxiety. 

Leadership Challenge

As a leader, it is more important than ever right now to remain centered and calm and be the example for your staff members. Share this with your staff members and invite them to challenge each other to dial down the anxiety and stay in the present moment. The Present Moment is where we have control and can make choices. Practice being present. Practice the courage of being the example of a great leader. Now is the time for leaders to shine. 

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Adaptive Leadership is key right now with our uncertain environment worldwide. Your way of being as a leader must be intentional. Your people are watching everything you say and do and the energy you are emanating. Now is the time to become an Adaptive Leader. I refer to this in my 5 Languages of Leadership workshop as The Leader Star. 

I am reading a great book, “Flex, The Art & Science of Leadership in a Changing World”, by Jeffrey Hull, PhD.  This book talks about two primary leadership styles, Alpha and Beta. Both of these styles are important, and the leader of today must be adaptive to the circumstances, the environment and our staff member’s needs. Hull talks about a model called F.I.E.R.C. E. (Flexibility, Intentionality, Emotional Intelligence, Realness, Collaboration and Engagement.) Check out this book – I highly recommend it! CLICK HERE for the link.

The Leader Star

The Leader Star is an adaptive leader.  They are able to assess/analyze circumstances, environments and people and quickly adapt to what is needed in that moment to solve a problem, prevent a catastrophe, and shift people’s mindsets and engagement to get the job done. At the same time, they demonstrate a high level of emotional intelligence which keeps a pulse on the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of their people. 

Basic Leadership Styles – The Foundation

There are many different Leadership Styles.  I like to keep things simple, so here are four to consider:

• Analytical:
  • Logical Thinker
  • Right/Wrong Mindset
  • Facts & Figures
  • Task- Oriented
• Visionary:
  • Sees Possibilities
  • Communicates Vision
  • Motivates/Inspires
  • Idea/Change/Future Oriented
• Commanding:
  • Directive
  • High Expectations
  • Competitive
  • Results Oriented
• People-centric:
  • Affirming & Affiliative
  • Consensus Building
  • Coaches & Encourages
  • Team Oriented

Leadership Challenge – Flex

Reflect:  review the descriptive words under each Leadership style.  Which is most like you or where your natural tendencies fall?  Challenge yourself to bring the other styles into your daily thoughts and actions as a leader.  This will make you a more well-rounded leader and a more Adaptive Leader!  You will feel more in control during a very uncertain time, and your staff will feel more confident in you as a leader. 

Here is a You Tube video, discussing Adaptive Leadership.  I was using my horses and interestingly enough they did not do what I was hoping they would do, so I adapted!  Enjoy!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydY8RUdqyTk

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So, what do we do?  What can we do?

The one thing we have complete control over is our thoughts! Even when those negative, challenging thoughts run through our minds, find a way to shift to a more positive thought. I know, it is much easier said than done! 

Quick Destressing Idea: 

When a negative, fearful thought shows up, pause, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 4 seconds and then slowly release through your mouth. Focus only on your breathing, nothing else. (You can use this video as a timing aid.) Breathe in light and energy, breathe out stress and negativity. Find the quiet within yourself. Find your foundation. 

The Mind-Body Link

When we experience anxiety, fear or stress, our bodies produce two hormones:

1. Cortisol
2. Adrenaline

When high amounts of Cortisol are released in the bloodstream for a prolonged period of time (such as those associated with chronic stress,) they have been shown to have negative effects, such as: Impaired cognitive performance. Suppressed thyroid function. Blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia. Decreased bone density. Decrease in muscle tissue. Higher blood pressure. Wow! That is a huge impact on our bodies. 

When high amounts of Adrenaline are released in the body, it can be very helpful with the Fight or Flight response to help us in an emergency situation. However, like Cortisol, over prolonged periods of time and when Adrenaline becomes stored up in the bloodstream, it becomes more harmful than helpful. Insomnia, nervousness and lowered immunity toward illness are all connected to high levels of stress in the body.

Anxiety, stress, fear, all impact our immune systems.  And, in these times, we need our immune systems to be strong to fight off the viruses we are exposed now and always!

Help Your Body Stay Healthy

Here is what I have been doing to keep my immune system strong:

1. Taking supplements (see the picture below)
2. Purchased an Immune Booster package from my naturopathic doctor, Dr. Debrah Zepf
3. Exercising:
   1. Yoga with lots of deep breathing (Yoga with Adriene is awesome)
   2. Going for walks outside (keep your social distancing)
   3. Doing exercise routines from You Tube. Just 10-15 minutes a day, helps keep your immune system strong.
4. Listening to meditative music that releases fear. I have this type of music playing in the background all day long. 
5. Going outside in nature to get my Vitamin D and staying grounded. Vitamin D is called the “Sunshine Vitamin”  and it is an important piece of keeping our immune systems strong.

You Are in Control of Your Reactions

Focus on what IS in our control right now. Finding ways to serve and support others. Remaining curious about how to shift the way we interact with each other and work. Like a lot of you, I have lost a lot of travel events, programs, conferences etc., which will have a huge impact on my income. Are these circumstances under my control? Not really! All of us have been impacted in some way by this worldwide pandemic.  Focus on what IS in your control. Your thoughts! Find ways to stay positive, find ways to be creative with your work, with your families and children. Pause, right now and write down 5 things that are in your control at this moment…

1.  My thoughts
2. ?
3. ?
4. ?
5. ?

Leadership Challenge

Every human being is a leader. Each of us has the opportunity to be the example of strength, compassion, tolerance, understanding.  Focus on converting the FEAR into FAITH!  Faith in God, or whatever you believe in, (something bigger than ourselves), faith in humanity, faith in your friends and family, faith in yourself to not only survive but thrive during this uncertain time. Adversity invites us to go deep and discover who we truly are….who do you choose to be?  We all can choose in this moment, to focus on what we CAN DO. 

Check out my greetings to you in this snowy spring YouTube video!  

Keeping you all in my heart and wishing you calm in the storm.

Marguerite

The post Choose Your Focus appeared first on Marguerite Ham.

by Marguerite Ham

I was recently reading the Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This book is a wonderful compilation of essays that stimulate reflection on how we are living or not living our lives with intention and appreciation for those most dear to us. I highly recommend it. 

There is a great quote by Aristotle:  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”

As leaders, there is one thing we must repeatedly do for our staff members, appreciate them, love them, let them know we care!  Unfortunately, in our society of always onto next and busy being busy, this important way of being for a leader can fall to the bottom of the list or get lost in the chaos of the day to day whirlwind of work.  It is, however, one of the most important habits for a leader in order for people to feel valued and want to stay with you and the organization and serve the customers. 

“Employees who believe that management is concerned about them as a whole person – not just an employee – are more productive, more satisfied, more fulfilled. Satisfied employees mean satisfied customers, which leads to profitability.”

Anne M. Mulcahy

Here are 12 ways of letting your staff members know you care:

On the first day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of my Undivided Attention

On the second day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Enthusiasm

On the third day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Creative Energy

On the fourth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Spending Time Together, outside of work

On the fifth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Support

On the sixth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Empowerment

On the seventh day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Heartfelt Appreciation

On the eight day of Christmas, I gave my valued staff:

                The gift of Communication

On the ninth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Positivity

On the tenth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Creative Energy

On the eleventh day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of Vision and Focus

On the twelfth day of Christmas, I gave to my valued staff:

                The gift of a Smile and Joy

Here is a related Harvard Business Review article, “Why People Really Quit their Jobs”.  Make it a habit to give those you care about and value the simple gifts of love and care.  If you do, you have a much better chance of retaining great people for your organization.

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