Denoiser - We Filter Out the Bullshit, Then Feed it to You.

Michael Jackson, Prince, the Beatles, and Modest Mouse

2009-03-05T15:18:00.003-06:00

So I have been on a bit of hiatus with school and all (and the lack of anything interesting in the music news). But here you go, a four-dose of music shit!

Michael Jackson

The King of Pop supposedly has a couple hundred songs just sitting around unreleased. That is, until his DEATH! And only his children are going to get to hear them after he moves on to the next thriller.
He also plans to reverse his very "dick" move of buying the rights to the Beatles music from Sir McCartney by giving them back to him after he dies also. "Why wait until you die?" you may ask, well considering it's Michael Jackson, I don't think we can really ask him to explain much.
Story Here

The Beatles

So, when you think of getting a degree you usually think of something boring that requires much too much work that you probably won't enjoy, correct? Well YOU'RE WRONG! A Liverpool University is offering a degree in The Beatles! Some can argue that this is a useless degree, but then you can call them a damn dirty communist! It's a Yellow Submarine, not a red one!
Story Here

Prince

The Purple One is releasing a new box set on March 29th, which will be available on ~~the internet~~ exclusively at Target. Know I know how stupid 1337 is, but I can make some exceptions for Prince when he title's 2 of the 3 albums in the set LOtUSFLOW3R and MPLSoUND, the latter rather just stupid than 1337. But the third one is called Elixir, and cures the naming issues of the first two (Because an elixir does similarly!!1).
I'm just waiting to see how they do a Target commercial for this. Clash of the Red and Purple! They would have had a smoother take with a White Stripes box set.
Story Here

Modest Mouse
So the Modest Mouse show here in Austin was last night. It was pretty damn sweet apart from a $4 beer(bet I could drink just one!). I took some pictures, but I doubt they were any good so I may post them later when I figure out how to extract them from this camera. I tried to get back stage and get an interview going, but for some reason they didn't know who or what the hell "Denoiser" was!? Assholes.

Being for the Benefit of Mr. Me: Beatles Coming out on Rock Band Sept 9

2009-03-05T11:23:00.004-06:00

So the Fab Four did it again. They're going to make video game history by being the number one selling video game rhythm music track pack. Suck it, Guitar Hero.

On 9.9.09, the Beatles will make their video game debut on Harmonix's Rock Band. It will be sold by itself or with Beatles-themed instruments for a hell of a lot more money. I can't play regular guitar left-handed, so I sure as shit can't play fake guitar left handed. And I can only imagine how boring drums are going to be. Hiyo!

Available on 9/9/09:
• The Beatles: Rock Band Software - Xbox 360, PLAYSTATION 3, Wii: $59.99 MSRP
• The Beatles: Rock Band Standalone Guitars - Xbox 360, PLAYSTATION 3, Wii: $99.99 MSRP
• The Beatles: Rock Band Limited Edition Premium Bundle: Xbox 360, PLAYSTATION 3, Wii: $249.99 MSRP

This is about as close we get to seeing the real Beatles play, people, so appreciate it.

http://www.thebeatlesrockband.com/

Musicians Play To Hospital Patients

2009-02-26T00:28:00.004-06:00

Musicians On Call, a non-profit organization is set up to bring the music to recovering hospital patients.

So now I just need to go get injured for some free shows! Cuts are good, they can't turn down a bleeder, right? Now, was it horizontal or vertical to not be deadly? Dammit, I can never remember this one.

Update:
Shit! Think I did the wro

It's purpose is to raise the moral and help in recovery by providing such artists as John Mayer, Gavin DeGraw (because people who like country go to hospitals too) , Match Box Twenty's Rob Thomas, Seal, among others.

A noble cause indeed. And lets face it, in these times ticket prices might as well cost you an arm and a leg! Heyoooo!

Full Story Here

Jamaica Run By Old White People?

2009-02-22T22:50:00.003-06:00

It may seem the case seeing that the Jamaican Regulators (sounds like a hockey team) are banning all explicit forms of sex and violence from the airwaves.

More importantly, it is targeted against "daggering". If you don't know what daggering is, well it's like dry hump dancing but more-so than what our club hoes do.

Hit the Jump for a prime example of the aptly titled "Daggering" by Mr.Vegas

Now, I always viewed the Jamaicans (albeit, stereotypically)as laid back and chilled as a mu'fucka. But, I guess I was wrong. They are attacking music talking about sex,rape, arson, murder. Well, god dammit, what the hell are artists SUPPOSED to talk about? Holding Hands? Love? Baking Cakes?

Nah, mon! It's all about Daggering.

Jump to 1:23 to see just how great this shit is.

Full Story Here

Rihanna Beaten Photo Leaked

2009-02-20T17:13:00.006-06:00

I saw this last night, but was too tired to post. And the original article I saw this on didn't exist anymore so I had to do some Googling. Anyways, here's the pic:

That, according to TMZ, is after Chris Brown layed the smack-down on his girlfriend Rihanna.

The police are investigating who could have leaked this photo, so I am assuming it is really her. Either way, bad news for Chris Brown. Good news if it hurts his case.

Chris Brown, who I think is a piece of shit, said he was recently "sorry". Well, if that photo is real, then sorry just ain't gunna cut it Chris! But I think he will learn his lesson if he serves a few years in Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass Prison.

Story Here

Hey Joe, Where You Goin' With That Bottle Of Vodka In Your Hand?

2009-02-18T21:26:00.003-06:00

If you are a fan of Jimi Hendrix and an alcoholic, then you have perhaps heard of and had some Hendrix Electric Vodka. Well, this thing is on it's way to becoming a collector's item since it will no longer be made anymore.

Jimi's half-brother and his business partner Craig Dieffenbach created the vodka in 2005. Things would have been all hunky-dorey if they would have opted out of using Jimi's likeness and signature on the vodka label. But then again, how else would they sell it?

Experience Hendrix, the rightful owners of Jimi's image and fame filed a suit and reached a $3.2 million settlement with the two businessmen which also forces them to stop producing the vodka.

Experience Hendrix argued that the vodka was promoted in poor taste since Hendrix died of a sleeping pill overdose.

I would have personally called it Purple Haze if it wasn't taken already by some shitty beer.

Full Story

Why Go Once? Pearl Jam Releases Ten Again, Keeps the Even Flow Alive, Like Looking from The Porch Garden at the Vast Deep Black Oceans. Jeremy.

2009-02-17T22:42:00.011-06:00

Not to be confused with the new studio album they're working on, Pearl Jam is reissuing a remixed Ten, their hit 1991 album that taught me what an aural orgasm, or an "aurgasm" (it only works in print) was. And get this, it's even more just as awesome as the original! So think Bush's Deconstructed, just not shitty!

On March 24th, Pearl Jam continues its trend of kicking rock and roll's ass with the remixed version of Ten, which will include all 11 (I know, that grunge is so unconventional!) of Ten's Remastered originals, plus Remixed Versions of the songs, and some Bonus Tracks! *Cream :)* I can't contain myself, I keep capitalizing everything. I feel so German. You see that headline up there? That's the kind of Creativity a Degree in English will get you (i.e.;Jack squat I write for a shitty blog)

No

2009-02-16T21:23:00.004-06:00

Jon Anderson of the band Yes has the asthma. This is not something that singers should have. Either way, the affirmative band is canceling their tour and play dates through the 24th.

The band posted on their site that they are canceling for "unforeseen medical reasons", but it's probably just the asthma attack since it's only until the end of this month. They canceled their original tour last summer for the reason of Anderson having a pretty bad attack.

That asthma will fuck you up from what I've heard, so completely understandable.

My Bad! Chris Brown Apologizes, All is Forgiven

2009-02-15T16:04:00.004-06:00

Chris "Tommy Lee' Brown issued a public apology today for his behavior regarding recent events surrounding him beating the shit out of his girlfriend. In it, he reminds us that 'to err' is human. Well, I guess he's right -- it's about as human as tears and bruises and handcuffs.

Brown issued this formal apology, as opposed to the informal kind, that involved roses and a large "Sorry I Hospitalized You" Card:

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writing under my name are frauds."

It perplexes me how over the past week or so there seems to have formed a dividing line, one that separates the Rihanna camp and the Brown one, with some saying that Chris "is a good guy", and that "they'll work it out," completely disregarding the police reports and the hospital visit. A Criminal Threat isn't just a love smite. It's defined as:

"Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injury to another person, with the specific intent that the statement, made verbally, in writing, or by means of an electronic communication device, is to be taken as a threat."

That's the equivalent of saying, "I'm going to fucking kill you."

The fact of the matter is that whether or not Rihanna is a crazy bitch who went apeshit on him, Brown feeding her a knuckle sandwich for dinner isn't going ever to fix the problem. All it's going to do is ruin your career and turn you into fucking Vader in the eyes of America.

And while he spent the bulk of the letter downplaying his actions, never once does he admit that he is seeking any kind of professional help for his problems. God and loved ones can only do so much. And from what I've heard, he puts the blame on loved ones as the reason he behaves like this in the first place.

30 Seconds To Mars Heading In a "New" Creative Direction

2009-02-14T13:58:00.005-06:00

Hopefully it is one with a lot less finger gloves, eye liner, and bitch ass sound.

In a recent interview with Billboard, the band is working on a new album that lead actor Jared Leto wants to be a new creative step for the band who thus far sounds like every other band with the same look.

Interview Here

Nude Photo of Madonna Sells for 37,500 Dollars, Somehow this is News (NSFW!!!)

2009-02-13T02:21:00.016-06:00

Look, we're sucking you in with a 5 year old picture! And now we're keeping you here! Woohoo! Our first NSFW post! And by Not Safe for Work, we mean home, office, playground, motor vehicle, or any other place that puts you in a position to commit either suicide or homicide. Or both. So don't click the hyper unless you want the bodies to start piling up. The sweaty, naked bodies.

I TOLD YOU. A nude photo of pop singer Madonna was sold at Christie's Auction House for 37,500 dollars this past week. The singer, who is known to make shitty movies and bang married, disgraced latino baseball stars, took the picture in 1979. The winning bidder, on the other hand, is obviously blind, or using this picture to test the threshold of human will needed to keep from tearing one's eyes out. Or maybe he thought it was a picture of the Virgin Mary naked. I don't know how these things work, I'm NOT CATHOLIC. But I know some of you sick bastards are.

Either way, didn't this guy realize that a naked picture of Madonna is about as common as a stripper with a c-section? Seriously, I just posted the picture below and literally saved myself and all of you 37,500 dollars. But I suppose you did pay for it with mental scars. Sorry, I'm gonna have to go Chinese Dollar Store on you and say "No Refunds" on mental scarring.
Just in case you were wondering, here's a video for an effective cure to unseeing things.

While we're on the subject, I'd like to let all of you know that I also sell naked photos of myself, . Well, it's more like I take a bunch of pictures of my wang and toss them at women from the bed of a pickup truck, but they still have a lot of uses. You can put one in a field to scare the birds away, or put it on your lawn to scare squirrels away, or threaten your boyfriend to use it instead of him, or measure VERY large things with it. I print them 1:1 scale, so I have to use a posterboard. Or three.

UPDATE: These things are selling like hotcakes. Someone get the ShamWow guy on the phone! Stat!

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Eminem Beats Rihanna

2009-02-12T20:18:00.004-06:00

in having his song downloaded more than her and T.I.'s "Live Your Life"!

His song which features the likes of Dre and Fitty. Their song "Crack a Bottle" sold 418,000 downloads, and hit up numero uno on Billboards Hot 100.

The song is kinda slow and boring to me. Dre sounds cool as always, but I think its really just Eminem's singing that bothers me, particularly the chorus. Plus the song is called "Crack a Bottle", god dammit. Enough of these clubs songs, we get it. But I don't know, I definitely am not a hip-hop expert, so hit the jump for the song.

Full Story Here

White Stripes And Conan

2009-02-12T10:15:00.006-06:00

The White Stripes will be playing on Conan's farewell episode on February 20th as he moves to take over the chinny Jay Leno's spot. Conan has the best late night show, so now just another reason to catch that last episode that we already knew will be great.

This will be the duo's first live performance since '07 and it's about damn time. I was supposed to see them at ACL that year, but Meg had some mental issues or something. And yet, Jack didn't play! I'm still annoyed by this, anyways hit the jump for some previous tits performances the Stripes did on Conan.

Full Story Ova Here

Joaquin Phoenix, A Rapper Off His Fucking Rocker

2009-02-11T22:47:00.005-06:00

Joaquin Phoenix joined the ranks of Joan Crawford and Marlon Brando in the Hall of Batshit Crazy Actors when he showed up on Letterman in a state that can only be described as a level above completely catatonic. The only difference is, Crawford and Brando went nuts at the end of their careers, not smack-dab in the fucking middle of them. Video of the interview after the hyper, loosely translated as JESUS CHRIST YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE INTERVIEW.

The notable Roman sister-fucker and Cash impersonator quit his acting career late last year to pursue one in hip-hop. While some would say this idea was eccentric, it doesn't help that he's filming it all while taking himself entirely too seriously. Rap, in itself, is not a particularly serious medium of music -- and hobo beards and sunglasses don't lend themselves to the genre, either. Because I know the world only exists in black and white, I've whittled it down to only two conclusions, as I so often do.

1.) He knows exactly what he's doing, and he's going to have the last laugh when he finally reveals that he never expected anyone to take his grifter ass seriously. He's making a documentary about it, and he's a method actor, so why would he break character when he's going Mickey Rourke on the world? Would Borat break character just because somebody threatened to call the cops on him? No. He'd just thumbs up and try to fellate the female officer while she handcuffed him. Andy Kaufman did it, so I see no reason Phoenix wouldn't try.

2.) He's fucking nuts. I'm thinking maybe the death of his brother is barely hitting him, and this is his way of lashing out.

There are two sides to this coin, but the first side is definitely a lot heavier (that means I think he's a fucking loon.)

Say Bye to the Soothing Sounds of Elevator Music

2009-02-11T21:33:00.004-06:00

It is sad news indeed my dear friends! The leading company of elevator/store music is filing for bankruptcy. Apparently they are up to $500 million dollars in debt. You may be asking yourself "Oh Frank, how has this come to be? Who is to blame?". Well, hit the jump for the facts^!

(^ - my theory)

It's all your fault! That's right, I'm talking to all you kids stealing the music from the internet tubes. How do you expect the company to pull in any money if you just download their music and listen to it in you home? No wonder they only have $50,000 worth of assets.

Now we're going to have to listen to the local hits station, and you know what that means. God. Dammit.

Full Story Here

Academy of Country Music Awards Happens, No One Cares

2009-02-11T21:13:00.004-06:00

So, apparently there is a specific awards show just for Country music. (What? The Grammys aren't enough?) And Brad Paisley is leading nominations. I've only heard one of his songs, or maybe two? They all sound the same so I can't tell.

I think it's still going on, as I'm just going by whatever the feeds tell me, but I'll be sure to let y'all know! As for now, I have to go for a drive in the Ford and think about sensitive, yet manly, things.

Hit the jump for the corny song I enjoy.

All the official videos on Youtube (the first one I tried) was blocked for embedding by THE MAN, so here's a shitty user made one.

Maybe me talking shit about country will finally get some damn comments on here??? PLEEAAAASE!

Story Here

Stevie Wonder performs with the Jonas Brothers?

2009-02-09T21:40:00.007-06:00

I thought Stevie was blind, not deaf? What the hell man?

He even uses a fucking auto-tuner?! What the hell is going on? I guess when you need money, you need money. He performed at this year's Grammys awards with the teenagers.

If only Stevie could see how this performance makes him look.

Hit the jump for a video of the performance.

We were raised on Stevie Wonder and his music," added Kevin. "We were blown away. To be at the Grammys for the first time performing with Stevie Wonder was awesome."

Sure you did kid.

Not sure how long Youtube will be hosting this since all the other ones have been taken down.
Hit for around 3:10 to lose all hope.

Full Story Here

Chris Brown Assaults Rihanna, Perpetuates Stereotypes

2009-02-09T20:17:00.006-06:00

The iGeneration's Ike Turner has finally revealed himself after he assaulted singer girlfriend Rihanna this past Saturday.

Chris "Bitch done Looked at Me Wrong" Brown is looking at 9 years after being booked on Criminal Threat charges against his girlfriend Rihanna "Umbrella" I Don't Know Her Last Name. It seems he got into an altercation with the Caribbean Queen after they realized they shared different dreams, and decided to bring the civilized debate they were having to a close by giving her the old one-two.

While there's no video of the incident, I imagine the altercation was an amalgamation of two scenarios.

Either A.) Replace the gum with Rihanna.

Or B.) Make Kelly black.

A spokeswoman for Brown's label declined comment. Rihanna's publicist, Amanda Silverman, would only tell E! News that the 20-year-old "Disturbia" singer was involved in an unspecified traffic mishap. "Rihanna is well," the rep said. "Thank you for concern and support."
Per department policy, police declined to identify the alleged victim in the incident, which occurred about 12:30 a.m. in the Hancock Park area, apparently as the two were heading home from Clive Davis' annual pre-Grammy bash, where they had been all smiles.
In a statement, police say Brown and his companion "became involved in an argument. After stopping his car, Brown and the woman got out and the argument escalated. The woman suffered visible injuries and identified Brown as her attacker."
By the time officers arrived on the scene, Brown had split.

Update: Not one to dodge his Lowest Common Denominator status, Chris Brown apparently threatened to kill her as well. Suffice it to say, he probably won't be crooning about the minty freshness of doublemint gum anytime soon. Because he'll be too busy getting raped in prison. Piece of shit.

Grammys (Grammies?) Were Last Night: This Week's Who-Gives-A-Shit

2009-02-09T19:23:00.008-06:00

I didn't watch the Grammys last night, because I try to keep my journalistic integrity intact, and I don't want the bias of mass media impeding on my lyrical criticisms of the genre. Oh, and I was watching Ace Ventura 2.

So I looked up the winners, and let me tell you, were there some surprises! Given that there are 110 categories, and I'm not nearly douchey enough to list them all, especially since all 8 of you that read this shit probably don't care, I'm only going to list the most important ones. Or at least those that I find most important, which are none, but whatever, here we go.

Record of the Year -- Robert Plant and Allison Krauss for "Please Read the Letter"
Album of the Year -- Robert Plant and Allison Krauss for Raising Sand

Someone throw Allison Krauss an EDS1275 so I can squint my eyes and think Led Zeppelin won!

Song of the Year -- Viva la Vida by Coldplay.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right? And on another note, how the fuck is this category different from Record of the Year?

Surprises of the Night:

Best Electronic/Dance and Best Electronic Single - Daft Punk's Alive 2007, and Harder Better Faster Stronger.

WTF? A 2-year old Album and an 8-year old song win in 2009 just because an untalented hack sampled it and a couple of chicks put boxes on their heads and danced around in their underwear?

Lil' Wayne won the Award for Ugliest MotherFucker on the Planet (oh wait, he won all the Rap Awards, and I've never even heard a Lil' Wayne song). Peter Gabriel won an Award for a Song that wasn't Sledgehammer (Although I'd still give him Grammys for that sweet-ass gem). I stopped giving a shit right after that.

THERE ARE 110 CATEGORIES. That means if you made music in 2008, fuck it -- if you made a noise that changed pitch over a prolonged period of time, you probably got a Grammy.

Other than that, it was pretty uninteresting. Chris Brown beat up Rihanna, U2 sang some shit, Miley Cyrus is somehow still relevant, and Mussorgsky won for Best Surround Sound Album (whatever that means). He's been dead for like 150 Years. Too bad Heath Ledger didn't make any songs.

Who Listens To The Watchmen?

2009-02-07T11:40:00.001-06:00

Movie score composer Tyler Bates is teaming up with director Zack Snyder(slow motion advocate)again to score the music for Warner Brother's upcoming graphic novel adaptation of Watchmen. Alan Moore still doesn't give a fuck.

More info of how it might sound after the jump.

Bates said, in an interview, that the music is going to be taking some of the feel of the 60s-80s (when the novel takes place) and will have a more ambient quality. Which is good, considering narration is a bit part of Watchmen.

He also said he will be teaming up with Lisa Papineau on some vocals.

Pretty sweet sounding if you ask me. The music hits stores(and the Internet!) February 24th. It will have to satisfy some sort of Watchmen fix.

Full Interview Here

Fuck Ticketmaster

2009-02-07T02:51:00.003-06:00

I'm not going to see Modest Mouse. I'm not going to see Flight of the Conchords. Why? Because FUCK paying 20 dollars in surcharges just because some fucking Monopoly says so.

I went to a Dave Matthews Band Concert about 7 years ago, and I paid 35 dollars. Sure, they were lawn seats, and I didn't have a chair, but at least I didn't get reamed up the ass. Why would anybody pay 50 dollars to see Modest Mouse OR FOTC? If I wanted to watch two dudes sit on stools and play funny songs on guitars, then I'd probably just watch the show or the million youtube videos they already have online. And Modest Mouse? As much as I love them, seeing Isaac Brock get fucking drunk and forget his songs on my tab isn't really worth it to me. I can take those fifty bucks and buy myself a much better time, all the while listening to the already incoherent ramblings of Mr. Brock on my stereo.

I remember when Pearl Jam tried boycotting TicketMaster back in the 90's. No, I didn't care at the time, considering my main concerns were Star Wars and Judy Blume, but now, thinking about it, I'm glad they did. Because it didn't even make a dent in the system. Thanks, grunge -- your disparaging apathy towards the status quo has yet again been rendered completely useless, as useless as the genre itself.

FUCK YOU.

Axl Wants To Kill Slash To Reunite GNR

2009-02-06T16:35:00.000-06:00

Axl Rose stated in his first official interview regarding his new album Chinese Democracy that

"...one of the two of us will die before a reunion and however sad, ugly or unfortunate anyone views it, it is how it is."

What could this possibly mean? Oh, I believe you know what it must mean...

ROCK AND ROLL DEATH MATCH!!!

Being a fan of Guns n' Roses (some songs are just rocking), I wouldn't mind the two reuniting. And if this means death, then so be it! Even better, there could be some sort of video game spin-off kind. Mortal Kombat style!

I don't like anything I've heard off of Chinese Democracy, so instead here's a video of Welcome to the Jungle (back when the two dudes were bffs)

Shanu-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-neeeeeez kneeeez!
Full Story Here

FOTC Tickets On Sale, Not Cheap!

2009-02-06T12:26:00.005-06:00

Tickets for their Austin show for March 4th are sale now here.

Holy shit! I just spent more money on a comedy group than a band! I wasn't even thinking! I guess this is why I save.

Pearl Jam Heading To The Studio, Someone Pass Me A Kleenex

2009-02-05T22:00:00.000-06:00

Pearl Jam will be hitting up the studio soon, they tell Rolling Stone, to record their 9th studio album, which they will be releasing on their own. It's been 3 years since they release the self-titled Pearl jam (which has one of the sweetest covers EVER!), and it's about god-damned time I say!

It will be the first album they record with Yield producer Brendan O’Brien. I just can't get wait to have some new material to "Vedder-sing-along" to. You know what I mean, singing Vedder style, unintelligeble yet bad ass sounding lyrics. Eddie Vedder Face Optional.

And of course looking forward to various takes on the lyrics:

Full Story over at Rolling Stone

T.I Going to Jail, Might As Well Make A Reality Show

2009-02-04T18:20:00.002-06:00

Some kid named Clifford Harris Jr. is going to jail. Why do you care if some dude named Clifford is going to jail? Because he is who you all know him by as T.I. (which after some research I found stemmed from TIP, and I don't EVEN want to know). So now you care right?

Yeah, me either. But that never stops TV executives from making a reality show out of the situation! Yay role models!

So, supposedly T.I. got caught with some felony gun charges. Now, this is acceptable by my gangta rap criteria. Which is questionable from the one music video I just happened to click on. Really? I don't think carrying a gun around and having this mixed into your own music gives you any gansta cred.

Anyways, back to the topic of this post. So MTV approached T.I. with a little proposition (as they would anyone in his position). Their plan: Film his last 45 days of community service. The title? "Road to Redemtion". Sounds boring? Yeah, I think so too. So I have compiled a list of sure-win reality strategies:

Make him try to find True Inmate Love.
There could be challenges where he would perform some task (licensee plate making, etc.).
He can be the token black guy.
See how long he can stay in a cell.
Don't make the show.

Full Story Here