DEBBIE DOES DRIVEL

PIZZA FOR PATRIOTS AND OTHER NON-PRETTY BOY BRADY FOLKS

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 16:28:00 +0000

The Patriots and the Giants are set to duke it out tonight. Since I'm from Massachusetts and escaped to Maine, I suppose I should take an interest in the thing if only to keep up with the arm chair quarterbacks at work tomorrow. I will be watching the commercials, though. (VW's Bark Wars cracks me up!)

While you woof down your nachos, sliders and other heart attack causing fare during this year's Super Bowl, take a minute between bites to remember our soldiers in Afghanistan, the arm pit of the world. To make their Super Bowl Sunday a hell of a lot better than what an Afghanistan Sunday is usually like, a non-profit organization called Pizzas4Patriots (P4P), started by retired Air Force Master Sgt. Mark Evans, is sending about 10,000 U.S. made pizzas to our troops. Pizzas courtesy of P4P are also sent to the troops for July 4th.

Delivery service DHL Express gladly ships the pizzas for free. Pizzas are made and donated by Pizzeria Uno and Great Kitchens.

But it doesn't end there.

Since July 2008, P4P has shipped over 50,000 pizzas not only to troops overseas, but to veteran's facilities here in the states as well. To date, seven VA facilities in five states receive donated pizzas. Not a bad feat since P4P only started 3 1/2 years ago. Sort of reminds me of Maine-ah Merrill Worcester's project, Wreaths Across America, the organization that is responsible for all those beautiful Maine-made wreaths on the graves at Arlington National Cemetery every December.

If you're lucky enough that the Super Bowl squares you picked pay off at the end of the game, maybe you'll feel the urge to donate a slice or two of pizza to the men and women who truly deserve the title "Patriots".

To donate:

Pizza4Patriots

If you won really BIG, spread the wealth and donate a wreath, too:

Sponsor a Wreath

Sources:
Special thanks to Claire, Chief Research Editor, who sent me an article from WCVBTV.com out of Boston about this project.

For more info about the project and how it got started, click Pizza4Patriots

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: GHOST THE CAUSE OF BOO! BOO!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 02:26:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

M. F. West, looking like he saw a ghost

Fond du Lac man says wife punched, strangled by ghost

Russell Plummer, Gannett Wisconsin Media: A Fond du Lac man was arrested after he told police a “ghost” punched and strangled his wife.

Michael
 F. West, 41, of 281 Fond du Lac Ave., was charged Wednesday with 
strangulation and misdemeanors of battery, disorderly conduct and 
resisting or obstructing an officer.

At about 8 p.m. Jan. 15, police arrived at West’s home to find the woman crying and bleeding from her nose.

The
 woman was upset after West blamed her for the house being foreclosed. 
When the woman pointed out that she works while West sits on the couch, 
he became angry.

West strangled the woman twice. He then 
told her to call the police. As she went to grab the phone, West punched
 her repeatedly in the face.

West told police the woman got
 her injuries from falling. When asked specifically about the neck 
injuries, West responded, “A ghost did it.”

Officers had to struggle with an intoxicated West to place him in handcuffs after he made the ghost comment.

West is being held in the Fond du Lac County Jail on $1,000 bail. He was ordered to stay sober while the case is pending.

Of course it was a ghost. "The devil made me do it" is so passe, and we know Michael West, no relation to Adam West or James T. West, would never, ever do such a mean spirited thing.

Sources:

Claire, Chief Research Editor

Excerpted from The Northwestern.com

"Somebody Left the Gate Open", Into the Wild

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:20:00 +0000

Yeah, I know. I blew off a Clippings From the Fridge post. Deal with it. It will be back next week, thanks to Claire, the Chief Research Editor of DDD, who scoured the Internet and came up with something far better than the crap I was finding. Look for it this weekend. JHC, now I have to pay her.

There's an ad on TV for Citi Bank. I've never had a Citi Bank card and probably never will. Despite that, there is a clip of a song you hear briefly during the ad with the lyrics, "Somebody left the gate open". It's catchy, different, sort of an African beat, and the woman singing has a powerful voice.

Thank you, Google: Her name is Laura Pergolizzi, but she goes by L.P. Makes sense. However, when I saw her, I thought what the Hell is Bob Dylan doing on this video? She sounds nothing like Dylan, thank God, but damn if she doesn't look like him...or tries to look like him? I don't know.

So, if you're still reading this and want to see what Dylan would look like if he switched genders and what he could sound like if he took voice lessons, check out her video. The name of the song is Into The Wild.

By the way, one of the lines in the song is "Come save us, a runaway train, gone insane." Made me giggle that Citi Bank would use that in their ad.

Direct link to LP's web site

Link to lyrics can be found at CowPi Journal.

Download song for free.

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:12:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

For this week's Clippings From the Fridge, I planned on posting about Maestro Alan Gilbert, conductor of the NY Philharmonic who stopped mid performance to admonish a person in the front row with the persistent Marimba ring tone on his IPhone. Pffft. Cudos to Gilbert, but Tim League, CEO of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Texas handled the problem of a texter in his theater brilliantly. Below is his blog post and a censored version of the PSA played before each movie one weekend in Texas, the "Magnitied States of America"!

Enjoy!

She texted. We kicked her out.

Posted on June 06, 2011 by Tim League in National

As many of you know, I really can't abide people who talk during a movie. A couple of years ago I was accosted in the Village parking lot by a patron who was warned for talking in a movie. I've nearly come to blows more than a few times over the years with rude customers over the same issue. When we adopted our strict no talking policy back in 1997 we knew we were going to alienate some of our patrons. That was the plan. If you can't change your behavior and be quiet (or unilluminated) during a movie, then we don't want you at our venue. Follow our rules, or get the hell out and don't come back until you can.

Recently, we had a situation where a customer persisted in texting in the theater despite two warnings to stop. Our policy at that point is to eject the customer without a refund, which is exactly what went down that night. Luckily, this former patron was so incensed at being kicked out, she quickly called the office and left us the raw ingredients for our latest "Don't Talk or Text" PSA. You can check it out below, or come to the Alamo this weekend where the video will be playing before all of our R-rated movies.

Ma'am, you may be free to text in all the other theaters in the Magnited States of America, but here at our "little crappy ass theater," you are not. Why you may ask? Well, we actually do give a f*$k.

Sincerely,

Tim League
founder/CEO
Alamo Drafthouse Cinema

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: PINK SPARKLY FRUITCAKE

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:33:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Mum changes her name to Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice

Pink Nice in her Pepto-Bismol world.

More than 100,000 Brits changed their name this year - including a Nottingham mum now called Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice.



The
 beauty therapist, who used to be called Charlotte Price, said she is 
obsessed with the colour pink. She mostly wears pink, lives in a house 
decorated in pink and works in a pink salon.

The mother of three boys goes by the shortened version Pink Nice but admits many people still her by her old name. "My mum thinks I'm a bit mad really and so do my children. They stick to 'Mum'."

To celebrate the newly named Ms. Pink Sparkly Just Off the Crazy Train Nice, I've sent her a case of Rainbow Skittles and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol to wash them down. Wonder what she'll change the names of her three boys to.

CREDITS:
Story and Photo from Mirror.com

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: DRAWING A LINE IN THE HOLY DUST BUNNIES

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:03:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

When Monks Go Bad

If you give a monk a broom.....

Dec. 28, 2011: Monks began feuding over sacred space at the Church of the Nativity today and battled each other with brooms until police stepped in.

The ancient church, built over the traditional site of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem, is shared by three Christian denominations - Roman Catholics, Armenians and Greek Orthodox.

The monks were tidying up the church ahead of Orthodox Christmas celebrations in early January. Violence broke out when the Armenian and Greek sides accused each other of crossing into each other's territory.

The clerics screamed at each other and attacked one another with broomsticks inside Bethlehem’s Church of the Nativity.

Palestinian security forces broke up the melee, and no serious injuries were reported.

A bunch of monks from different denominations whistling/chanting while they work sweeping the floor which lays over the exact spot where Jesus was born. Yup. The EXACT spot 'cause that's what the Holy Garmin says. One monk, let's call him Dopey, daydreams and his broom crosses the grout line between his denomination's tile and another's and then all Hell breaks loose! I wonder if there's a chant for that.

Credits:
Story & Video:
Edited from a story in Mirror.com

Photo:
Newsburner.com

ENTER EDNA

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 03:38:00 +0000

The weekend before Christmas, Mr. Man and I headed to Freeport, Maine, home of LL Bean and some outlet stores. My Christmas shopping was all done, but Mr. Man likes to wait until the end. Says it puts him in the spirit. Makes me want to hit all those rude last minute shoppers with a bottle of spirit, but what a waste that would be.

While Mr. Man is buying some gifts in one store, I told him I'd meet him in the store next door.

I find some nice warm long-sleeve stretchy t-shirt thingies on a rack that are 50% off. All they have for sizes are two mediums and 87 larges 'cause this is Maine, where potato chips are at the top of the food pyramid.

Waaay in the back of the rack I find one in a small.

Yay!

Enter Edna, the 60-something saleswoman.

Of all days to leave the garlic and crucifix at home.

I grab two different shirts, one in the small size, the other a medium. As I head for the dressing room Mr. Man comes in the store. I tell him I'll be right out, just want to try on the two things.

Edna follows me and tells me to let her know if I need any help or would like her to find a different size. I make sure I test the bolt on the dressing room door.

I try on the small. Perfect.

I try on the medium and it's a bit baggy. I open the door and Edna's face is right there. I asked her if maybe there was a size small in that particular shirt hiding somewhere that I might have missed.

"No. That's all we have in that style, unless you want a large. We have larges."

That should have been my clue.

She grabs a striped shirt off the rack and tells me it's the same shirt, just in stripes, and it's a size small.

I don't do stripes. I've never done stripes. I'm not going to start now.

She holds it out to me and says, "Here try this on, it's a small."

I told her, "No thank you, I'm not interested in the stripes."

"Doesn't matter. Try on the small to see if it fits, then you'll know if the shirt you want would fit if we had it in a small."

Is it me?

I look at her and say, "What difference does it make if you don't have the one I want in?"

"But then you will know if the small would have fit if we had it."

WTF?

I am baffled at this woman's logic. "Why would I care if it 'would have fit'? My choices are: (1) Buy the medium which is just a bit loose, or (2) Don't buy it. Simple. "

I look up and see Mr. Man heading for the door. Usually he says, "I'll be outside" when this stuff happens.

Wuss.

Edna thrusts the shirt under my nose, "Try it! It's the only way you'll know if the small would have fit, then you will feel better about making your decision."

The people you meet when you don't have a gun.

I ignored her, went back in the dressing room, changed into my own clothes, tried to smooth down the static-struck hair, put on the coat, scarf, gloves, grabbed the pocketbook and two shirts and made a beeline for the cashier on the other side.

Edna's sale tactic worked. I bought both shirts just to get the hell out of there.

MERRY DAY-AFTER!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 22:00:00 +0000

Hope you all had a very merry Christmas!

Here in midcoast Maine we had snow ALL day! Not a raging blizzard, but a gentle snow that took all day to accumulate to 4". It was the quintessential postcard Christmas.

My son, Dude-Man, was home for the holiday and ventured out to take a photo of the snow and torture the dog at the same time. You can see her best Go-Ahead-Make-My-Day squinty eye look as she leers at Dude-Man.

Christmas night, I ventured out to walk the dog, camera in hand, and took a photo of the lone little Christmas tree in the front yard, covered with snow and twinkling colored lights. There's a reason for the colored lights: my skinhead neighbor directly across the street thinks only white lights are appropriate. 'Tis the season!

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: NEVER SHOOT A SQUIRREL ON YOUR LEG

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 03:32:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Monroe man tries to shoot squirrel, hits himself instead. 

Monroe, Ore --  A Monroe man trying to shoot a squirrel wound up shooting himself.

Ethan Bennett, 36, told Benton Country sheriff's deputies he was at his residence Wednesday when he tried to shoot the rodent with a .22 caliber rifle.  

The squirrel reportedly ran up his left leg, and he pulled the trigger, hitting himself in the foot. 

Capt. Greg Ridler said Bennett did not kill the squirrel.  

"The squirrel scared him," Ridler said.  

Bennett declined to comment. 

I guess big game hunting is out of the question for Mr. Bennett. Wonder if he gets to keep his license after this.

As a result of his actions, Bennett will forever live in fear of further squirrel retaliation. What Bennett did was an act of war and squirrels will not go quietly into the night, those little bastards.

Source:
Excerpted from Corvallis Gazette-Times

Photo:
Off the 'net

CLILPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: GOTTA GET A GARMIN

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Police: Driver Runs Over Burglar -- Twice

Man Admits To Trying To Rob Wrong House, Police Say

Angry Homeowner

CASSELBERRY, Fla. -- An 
angry homeowner and a burglary suspect were arrested after a violent 
confrontation near Casselberry on Thursday night, police said.

The
 incident began when Crishna Persaud called 911 on Thursday night to 
report that a burglar had kicked in the front door of his home.

"I
 have someone who just tried to break into my house," Persaud told a 
police dispatcher. "He broke in the front door and I heard the banging. 
Then I went downstairs, and then I was like, 'Hey, what the hell are you
 doing?' and he's running right back outside."
Burgler in need of Garmin

The burglar, later 
identified by police as James Key, ran down the block. Persaud said he 
put his 2-year-old daughter in his car and went after Key, according to 
police.

"I'm driving around the subdivision right now," Persaud told a dispatcher.

Police said it did not take Persaud long to track Key down.

"Hold on, he's right here. He's right here. The (expletive) is right here," shouted Persaud.

"You trying to rob my (expletive) house?" Persaud was heard asking Key on police recordings.

"Huh?" Key responded.

Persaud is then heard on tape saying, "I'm going to (expletive) kill you."

Investigators
 said Persaud then hit Key with his car, knocking him to the ground. Key
 then got up and tried to escape when Persaud accelerated, hopped a curb
 and rammed him again, according to police.

"You try to rob my house?" asked Persaud.

"It's the wrong house, dude. I had the wrong house. I'm sorry," Key is heard responding.

Key
 told deputies that he had been trying to steal an engagement ring and 
other jewelry to give to another girl, according to police. He quickly 
realized that he broke into the wrong house, police said.

Both men were arrested. Persuad faces attempted murder charges.

Angry Homeowner faces attempted murder charges while the directionally-challenged dude is planning on lifting a Garmin from a car belonging to someone other than the Angry Homeowner so his future break-ins are more carefully mapped out.

Great job by the Angry Homeowner picking off the Garmin-less dude. Even better was that he brought his 2-year-old along to ride shotgun. I hope she was strapped into her car seat 'cause Garmin-less dudes can be one hell of a speed bump.

Sources:

Claire, Chief Research Editor

WESH.com

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: SURPRISE!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:26:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Soldier pulls gun on would-be robbers

                              JAKOB RODGERS
                           
THE GAZETTE

                                    Colorado Springs -- A soldier sent two would-be robbers running late Tuesday night by pulling out his own handgun and firing it.

Neither of the robbers appeared to have been hit. The soldier fired 
his gun toward the ground, said Colorado   Springs police Sgt. Dave 
Gilman.

“This was kind of his warning shot to them,” Gilman said.

The soldier - who recently transferred from Fort Hood in Texas - and 
his wife were walking in a neighborhood southeast of Chelton Road and 
Pikes Peak Avenue just before 10:30 p.m. when two masked men approached 
them and ordered the couple to the ground.

One of the men appeared to be armed with a machete, Gilman said.

The soldier “turned the tables” on the robbers when he pulled out his gun, sending the men fleeing, Gilman said.

The soldier told police he held off firing his gun until one of the 
men appeared to turn around and reach for his waistband, Gilman said.

Though it worked for the soldier Tuesday evening, police do not encourage people to fight would-be robbers.

“Your best bet is just to comply, because it’s not worth getting hurt
 or killed over a wallet or something like that,” Gilman said.

The two robber dudes now know you don't bring a machete to a gun fight.   

"Your best bet is to comply".  I don't know, is that your best bet these days?  Maybe it's time to bring vigilantism back.  I carry my BB gun where ever I go and now squirrels live in fear of me.    

By the way, KRDO.com out of Colorado had this in their account of the above story: Police say the couple believes the men were Hispanic based on their accents but their faces were covered.   Don't know why Gazette.com did not add that little tidbit.  

Source:

Story:  Gazette.com

Photo:  Who the hell knows, it was on Wikipedia.

I BET SANDUSKY DRINKS FOLGERS

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 02:49:00 +0000

I hate this damned ad.

For the third year in a row Folgers has been playing this creepy Christmas ad of the brother returning home from west Africa to his waiting sister. It's bad enough that neither has any acting ability, but every time I see this ad I get the heebie jeebies just like I do when Hannibal Lecter says, "Good evening, Clarice" in Silence of the Lambs.

Shudder.

Why the hell was the brother in west Africa? Was he in Senegal? Liberia? Wait. I bet he was in Nigeria, the country whose motto is "incest is best".

The camera shows a hot pot of coffee next to the plastic Folgers container. Pffft. Sissy must have texted someone for directions on how to make it 'cause you know she doesn't have a clue.

Brother sees the coffee and says "Awww, real coffee". Dude, you were in AFRICA where some of the best coffee in the world comes from!

Bro then tells sis he brought her something from far away. Pffft. I bet he did and there's no vaccine for it.

He hands her a box wrapped in black and white paper with a red bow. She rips off the bow and puts it on him and tells him "You're my present." Then they gaze into each others eyes. Cue the Lecter shudder. Subliminal advertising at its best.

The only brothers and sisters I know that get all starry eyed over each other wear monk robes and habits. I'd feel better about this ad if she shoved his face in the hot coffee. THAT would be more in keeping with a normal sibling relationship, plus he deserves it.

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: KOBE THE KID: 1; PAUL NEWMAN: 0

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 00:11:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Paul R. Newman (ABCnews.com)

Police: Boy shot mom's attacker with BB gun

By KOMO Staff

BELLINGHAM, Wash. -- A man accused of assaulting a woman was shot in the face with a BB gun by the woman's 11-year-old son.

Investigators said Paul R. Newman was intoxicated when he came home, kicked in the door to the victim's bedroom and attacked her. The 45-year-old man rents a room in the victim's home in the Roosevelt neighborhood, police said.

Newman, who was apparently angry because he believed his room had been messed with, began choking the victim, detectives said.

The commotion woke the victim's son, who saw the man attacking his mother. The boy began yelling at Newman to stop.

"He was yelling at my mom and then he was like on top of my mom, holding her down and then I told him to get off my mom," Kobe Sturgeon said.

And when the man didn't listen, Kobe struck the man with a board.

"I said, 'get off my mom,' and he didn't do nothing," Kobe said. "So then I took the board and I broke it over his head and then he still kept on doing what he was doing to my mom."

Newman then turned on the boy and chased him out of the house, investigators said. Once Newman ran outside, the boy managed to lock the door.

Newman tried to climb back inside through an open window as the victim struggled to shut it. He grabbed the arm of the woman, who couldn't shake free of the man.

That's when the boy came into the room with a BB rifle, investigators said. Newman, upon seeing the weapon, began threatening to kill both the woman and the boy. The boy then opened fire, hitting Newman in the face as many as four times, investigators said.

"He kept on hurting my mom," Kobe said. "So I went and grabbed my BB gun and I said, 'get off my mom. Get off my mom." And I said, 'get off my mom,' and I shot him with my BB gun."

The woman and the boy managed to run to a neighbor's home and call 911.

Newman was taken to an area hospital to be examined. He was arrested for investigation of felony assault and two counts of harassment.

The victim, who sustained non-life threatening injuries, was taken to an area hospital for treatment.

Meanwhile police credited Kobe for ending a dangerous situation.

"It's just what I had to do to help my mom and me," Kobe said.

Imagine that. An 11-year-old having the gumption to fend off his mother's attacker rather than hide under his bed and text a friend. You can go HERE to see a video interview of Kobe, just a regular kid who loves his mom and has good aim. I hope Santa brings him a new box of BBs.

Source:

Story: KOMOnews.com
Photo: ABC News.com

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 03:28:00 +0000

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Photo: Fiesty Three

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: WHAT WOULD SHE DO IF SHE WANTED TO KILL HIM?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:30:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.


Dorothy Desjardins

Wife, 87, Shoots "Cheating" Husband, 88

Woman believed her beau was "stepping out"

NOVEMBER 7--Convinced that her 88-year-old husband was having an affair with her hairdresser, a Missouri woman, 87, shot her spouse in the arm with his own gun, police report. 

Peter Desjardins told cops that his wife, Dorothy, told him Saturday evening that the woman who does her hair had claimed to be having an affair with him. He denied the allegation and told his wife that the only time he saw the hairdresser was during her beauty appointments.

After arguing in their living room, Peter retreated to the bedroom. Dorothy then “walked into the room with her walker, sat down on the bed that was next to his, and began to throw books at him.” After running out of volumes, she picked up his .22 Ruger and started “flinging the revolver around in the air” before pulling back the hammer and fired a shot.

Desjardins was struck in the arm, which he had raised in front of his face. 

As first reported by KSPR’s Ron Davis, Dorothy, pictured in the above mug shot, allegedly told police that she only “intended to scare the shit out of him” and “just went a little bit beserk” since “he was stepping out on me, and I just got pissed off.” 

Luckily for Peter, the Ruger was not loaded with bullets, but instead discharged “fine grain pellets,” ammo that can be used to kill small animals and reptiles. A doctor told cops that Peter did not sustain any serious vascular damage in the shooting, adding that surgery would not be performed to remove the birdshot lodged in his forearm.

Charged with felony domestic assault, Dorothy Desjardins remains locked up in the Greene County jail on $5000 bond.

Dorothy claims she was "pissed off", thinking hubby was spending time teasing and curling up with her so-called hairdresser. OK, get pissed off, but JHC Dorothy, don't be whipping your Harlequin romance novels at him 'cause the impact may split the bindings and you'd have nothing to read in jail.

She then tries to shoot him the face to "scare the shit out of him"? Sounds to me like she hoping he'd dye. Well, I suppose I'd be in a foul mood if my hair looked like that after paying someone to do it.

Source:

The Smoking Gun

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: WELL-DONE

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:52:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a regular series here, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

It's been months said I've PO'd anyone and I'm going through withdrawal. Plus it's football season and I need something to do while Mr. Man is watching that gazelle-marrying idiot QB.

Carl Preston Johnson

Loris man charged with arson in Monday fire

By SCNow staff

CONWAY, SC -- Horry County Police arrested a Loris man following a residential fire that was deemed by investigators to have been intentionally set.

Officers responded to a Mason Lane home at the request of Horry County Fire Rescue after they extinguished a fire at the address and determined the fire was set and was spread with an accelerant, according to a release issued by Horry County Police Tuesday morning.

"As a result of their investigation, it was determined that the homeowner intentionally set fire to the residence due to family members refusing to vacate the property," according to the release.

No injuries were reported as a result of the incident.

Carl Preston Johnson, 50, of Lorris, was charged with third degree arson in the incident, according to the release. He is currently in custody at the J Reuben Long Detention Center.

And the problem with this man's actions would be what? His house. His loser relatives. His matches. His "accelerant". His pile of rubble. Effective? I'm willing to bet my crazy-ass dog that he won't have to worry about the unwanted relatives coming over for Thanksgiving.

Credits:
SCNow.com
Photo: Horry County Police Photo

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

FORGET? NEVER.

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 04:01:00 +0000

NOONE MADE ME DO IT

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 02:06:00 +0000

I am coming out of hiding for noone.

Noone?

Who the hell is Noone? Do you pronounce it New Knee? The Terrorist (dad) has a new knee. It's his second new knee, same leg, so I guess he's had two noones.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

This is basic 3rd grade stuff here! Maybe those that write "noone" are of the Texting Generation. You know, those idiots that can't carry on a conversation face-to-face with another human being. The ones who belong to every social networking site that exists but possess no social skills whatsoever. The same ones who can't go five minutes without texting. The ones like the moron father I encountered today who brought his little girl in to see the doctor after an injury and sat in the corner playing Angry Birds on his iPhone/iPad/iWad whatever the hell it is while she was being examined.

Peter Noone is a noone who thought he was into something good when he claimed Mrs. Brown had a lovely daughter, but that set off a kind of hush all over the world and now he's just another Noone.

There is someone, there is anyone, but noone is no one, yet we are inundated with them.

Where the hell is the gin?

WTF?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 01:14:00 +0000

It's like a freakin' conspiracy. I got fed up, threw a hissy fit, pulled a blog post because it PO'd a bunch of borderline illiterate text-messaging teens in the Midwest, and stopped posting because I'm sick of getting e-mails laden with F-bombs, having to translate texting into English to figure out what the hell their problem is, only to find out they are the ones with the problem: they can't read and comprehend at the same time.

It wasn't just that particular post.

I did a post about Steven Tyler (Like Putting Lipstick on a Pig), posted a photo I swiped off Google Images that was titled "young Steven Tyler", and what happens? I get three comments from the same person over two days telling me that the photo is NOT of Steven Tyler and that I need to get my facts straight before I diss people, that anyone can be a journalist these days, how would you look if you toured for 40+ years,etc. This is their life? Three comments by one person over a photo on a blog with "Drivel" in the title? OK, the 40+ years part cracked me up.

Of course, the commenter did tell me who the photo was of, but sent no proof of it, so, we're even dude.

See why I stopped doing this?

Back to the WTF is going on here/conspiracy thought I was having at the top of this post.

Since I stopped posting over a month ago, I have four new followers and my stats have gone up. Doesn't THAT speak volumes?

Conspiracy. It's the only explanation, well, other than the obvious: I'm better liked when I shut up.

Pfffft!

PS: To all who commented on the post below and sent me e-mails that made sense, a very big thank you. You are all the best.

LET'S BLOW THIS CLAMBAKE

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 03:01:00 +0000

"Debbie Does Drivel".

The title alone should be warning enough that this is not MSNBC, CNN, ABC or even NBC. Nope. It's DDD. This is not the site to find breaking news, political correctness, or in-depth reporting. Hell, I have to tell you that?

Apparently I do.

I have published 364 posts since the inception of DDD.   Readership grew slowly, but grew nevertheless. DDD has a five-star rating on BlogCatalog. Not sure if that is actually a good thing, but hey, I'll take it. On occasion DDD has been linked to and/or reposted on a few popular comedy sites. SiteMeter has shown regular readers from all branches of the military (I wonder what watch lists I'm on), and one regular reader for a while there from the FAA. Wonder what happened to them (Zzzzzz). I even had a visitor from Oprah.com when I mentioned her in a post and called her an egotistical cow.

I do not expect to please everyone. Not even Oprah. We all find different things funny. What I do expect, and apparently I put too much hope in the human race, is that if you don't find what I put on here funny, then click that little "X" button to get out of here and move on. Some people are having a hard time hitting the "X" button.

Any idiot can write a blog, DDD being proof. This was started at the urging of a fellow blogger who thought my writing and humor would do well, so I tried. My philosophy has always been, when it's no longer fun, it's no longer worth it.

A while ago I did a "Clippings From the Fridge" post that made a small group of very young people upset. I received several e-mails and comments, all very difficult to read because the spelling was so atrocious. There's our future, the texting generation. The only words spelled correctly were the F-bombs, which were in every sentence. Their complaints had no merit and only proved that reading comprehension was not a strong suit. As in every Clippings From The Fridge post, credit and a link to the source is made. I guess they didn't read that far. They thought I wrote the original article which was taken from their local newspaper. They were upset their names were made fun of. They told me and those who commented to "gro up".

I had a reply post ready to go when I received an e-mail from another one of the texting generation, but this one was different. There were no F-bombs. There were no insults. It was heartfelt, considerate and respectful. She politely asked me to remove the post. I wrote back to her, thanked her for being the only voice of reason among her peers. I told her I removed the post. She wrote back to me and thanked me. One shining light in the abyss.

It's not that this particular event has made me question all of this. It's the what ifs. It's the crazies we all read about every day. It's listening to the concerns of another fellow blogger going through something far more scarier and real that makes me wonder why I bother.

I asked my Chief Research Editor for her thoughts:

"God, if you posted something about rabid bats the animal activists would get into the picture".

How scary would THAT be?   A bunch of naked PETA people on my lawn holding signs telling me rabies is natural. My BB gun can only do so much.

I will be leaving DDD up and available for viewing and commenting, though comments will now be moderated. It's been a great ride. I've made new friends, even met one live and in person all the way from Texas ~ hi Reffie!

Regardless, I think it's time we blow this clambake.

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: WHAT THE DUCK?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 23 May 2011 01:01:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a weekly series found here every Sunday evening, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.


The alleged groper, D. Duck

Pa. woman, Disney settle theme park groping suit

PHILADELPHIA -- A Pennsylvania woman who claimed she was groped by Donald Duck during a visit to the Epcot theme park has settled her federal lawsuit against Disney.

Court documents indicate April Magolon settled her lawsuit against the entertainment giant last week. She had sued Walt Disney Parks and Resorts last year claiming a costumed park employee grabbed her breast during a May 2008 visit to the Florida park.

A. Magolon/Moron

The Upper Darby woman claimed she had nightmares, digestive problems and other permanent injuries. She sought more than $50,000 in compensation plus punitive damages.

Magolon's attorney didn't return a phone message left Tuesday. A Disney spokeswoman declined to discuss the details of the settlement.

April Mogolon is a moron. No, really. That's what her last name translates to in English. April Moron, or A. Moron. Perfect.

Donald Duck groped her? I would think it's hard to grope with those huge white hands. For the sake of argument, let's say he did. First of all, if Donald Duck groped me I have to say my first reaction would be to laugh. My second reaction would be to knee the beaked perv right in his quacker. What, did she think he might pull a gun on her if she struck back? Idiot. Ducks do not have pockets. They have no place to carry a weapon. The woman is A. Moron.

If that AFLAC duck groped me, that's a different story. I'd shoot him.

I suppose it's possible that Donald Duck is a groper. Worse things have happened. Look at the failed relationship of Minnie and Mickey Mouse. Minnie left Mickey 'cause he was effin' Goofy.

Source:
Modesto Bee courtesy of Wirecutter over at Knuckedraggin My Life Away

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: DOG ON THE LAM, JACK'S BACK!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 16 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a weekly series found here every Monday (or Sunday until Blogger gets their act together), inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Jack's back! Photo by Julia Moore

Daring dog busts out of vet's office

By Sanne Specht, Mail Tribune  

A canine Houdini who unlocked his kennel door at  a local veterinarian's office confounded police by repeatedly tripping  the clinic's burglar alarm before slipping away on a  cross-country jaunt.

Marsha  Billeci feared Jack was at death's door when she brought her  6-year-old German shepherd to veterinarian Dr. Shannon Sierra. 

Jack,  suffering from a strange flu-like illness, was also exhibiting symptoms  of pneumonia. Lethargic and declining to eat, he was hooked up to IV antibiotics. By Wednesday, he was perking up a little. But  on Thursday morning, Billeci got the shocking call that Jack was  missing.

Sierra  said he and his staff were dumbfounded to find Jack missing from  his kennel. They searched the clinic and found clear  evidence that Jack's appetite was back. Four bags of food had been  ripped open.

"Jack is a wonderful dog," Sierra said. "But he was so sick he could barely walk. Then, 72 hours later, he's on the lam."

The  clinic's security company said police had been notified after motion  detector alarms had been tripped.

"They saw a German shepherd running around inside the building. But they didn't see anything else," Billeci said. 

Police didn't have the advantage of knowing they were dealing with an  extraordinarily canny canine, Billeci said. Jack is very smart, very  stubborn and very tall. He learned long ago how to open cupboard  doors, drawers and other locked spaces at home to find his doggy  treats. 

Sometime  between 1:30 and 4:45 a.m., Jack managed to trip the dead bolt on the  clinic's back door, pull down the lever handle, and push his way to  freedom, Billeci said.

"You can see the claw marks," she said. "He worked that door."

Once free, Jack high-tailed it to  the Talent hills, the general direction of his home. He ended up at a stranger's house more than seven miles from the clinic.

Animal control was called and Billeci was quickly reunited with Jack, who is still taking medicine, but resting  comfortably on his own living-room sofa.

When NutJob spends time at the vet's, she curls up in the fetal position and shakes like a bowl of Jello, fooling all who come near her into feeling sorry for her. They reach out to pat her and comfort her then wham! She turns into the Tasmania devil, spinning, whirling and spitting. She's too short to open doors, but she's so smart she could coerce any human to do what ever she wants.

See?

Source: Excerpted from the Mail Tribune

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST BECOME BATMAN

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 09 May 2011 00:01:00 +0000

Former soldier wants to patrol Waipawa at 91 

MARTY SHARPE 

A 91-year-old special forces veteran has been told he has to stop carrying out solo night patrols on the streets of Waipawa.

John Bray used to drive around on volunteer community patrols with a companion, but decided to go solo after finding his sidekick, in his late 80s, kept falling asleep on duty.

Now he's been told by the head of the local patrol that the national Community Patrol organisation does not want volunteers working alone, and Mr Bray can stay on the roster only if he finds a partner.

He feels he's more than qualified to deal with Waipawa's graffiti vandals and other miscreants, having served with the Long Range Desert Group, a reconnaissance and raiding unit of the British Army, in north Africa in World War II.

For more than 10 years he has spent at least one night a month driving Waipawa's streets, armed with a spotlight, fluorescent vest and a mobile phone, looking for suspicious behaviour.

He has no qualms about approaching people to ask them about their motives.

But he says he can understand the national body's concerns for his safety. "I'm not getting my hackles up about it. I know their thinking. I mean, I know 70-year-olds who shouldn't be driving a wheelbarrow, let alone a car."

He's been a bit crook lately after a fall and is also getting over an operation to remove a blood clot from his leg, but says once he's well he might look at finding a new partner.

"I'd like to do it again. I've just never bothered finding a partner since my last one pulled out."

He keeps busy working from home doing saddlery and stitching work, and is also the caretaker of a block of retirement flats – whose residents are all his junior.

His wife, June, died in 1988. He has six children, 14 grandchildren and 22 great-grandchildren. Both his parents lived to 99, so he reckons the patrol should get a few years out of him yet.

Waipawa patrol head John Carter says he hated having to break the news to Mr Bray. "We love him dearly and we're desperately trying to find a partner for him." 

Caretaker by day, crime fighter by night. Way to go John Batman Bray! How can you not love a guy that says, "....I know 70-year-olds who shouldn't be driving a wheelbarrow..." ? Hopefully he'll get a partner soon so he can be back out there fighting crime and keeping the streets of Wellington, New Zealand safe.

Source:
Story and photo from Stuff.coNewZealand

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

WE DID NOT FORGET

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 03 May 2011 00:58:00 +0000


FDNY Firefighters are shown in Times Square, after hearing the news that the 9-11 mastermind, Osama bin Laden, has been killed. (Michael Appleton/The New York Times/Redux)

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: AN UDDER FOOL

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 01 May 2011 20:20:00 +0000

Clippings From the Fridge is a weekly series found here every Sunday evening, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.

Man Dressed as Cow Steals 26 Gallons of Milk

By Carissa DiMargo

Got milk?

How about 26 gallons of it? One man did, at least for a little while. And that man was dressed in a cow costume.

In the category of You Can't Make This Stuff Up If You Tried, the 18-year-old crawled into a Stafford, Va., Walmart on all fours, reported PotomacLocal.com.

After standing, he loaded about $92 worth of milk into a shopping cart and simply rolled the cart out of the without paying, police have confirmed to NBC Washington.

He then attempted to give the milk away outside the store, and tried to flee the scene by skipping away, police said.

Jonathan Payton, 18, of North Stafford, Va., was given a summons and released at the scene.

Something happens to people when they put on cow suits as evidenced by anudder blog post of mine involving this:

She got the urge to run after little kids and pee on a porch while in her cow suit. Udderly ridiculous.

The guy in today's story steals milk, gives it away and then tries to escape police by....skipping. Cows do not skip. They plod along the fields during the day and jump over the moon at night.

Add two more moooo-rons to the long list of members of the insanity fringe.

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

Source: NBCWashington.com

They're baaaaack....and they still have your funny!