One of the things I hear from singles all the time is how hard it is to decide when and how to turn a dating relationship from casual to exclusive. How do you know it’s the right time to bring up the subject? What happens if the other person doesn’t want what you want? And how devastating is it when your mutual expectations don’t match up and the relationship comes to an end?

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions, but it they all get to the heart of an issue that sooner or later every single person who is dating someone else must address: should you date each other exclusively or continue to play the field? Go for exclusivity too soon and you’re likely to scare the other person off (guys, you all know this applies mostly to you!), but continue playing the field for too long and the exact same thing is likely to happen.

The best approach is not to stress over it or worry about it. It’s far better to just let things progress naturally rather than try to “force” the issue when the time isn’t right. There’s something called the Law of Attraction that states “what you pay attention to grows stronger”. This is absolutely true when it comes to worrying about exclusivity vs. playing the field; the more you worry about it, the stronger that worry becomes, and the stronger that worry becomes the more you worry about it. The cycle just goes on and on and on, pretty soon making both of you miserable and unhappy.

In most cases, it’s best to just let go of those thoughts and focus instead on simply enjoying the time you spend with that other person (or persons). Over time, if the relationship continues to grow and strengthen the question of whether to date each other exclusively or continue dating other people will very likely resolve itself quite naturally and easily!

Related posts

• November 3, 2009 — Put A Rush On It
• September 6, 2009 — The Boyfriend/Girlfriend Match
• July 13, 2009 — Summer Lovin’
• December 18, 2007 — Are You Ready for Love?
• May 17, 2007 — Do Hot Black Girls Prefer Hot Black Guys?
• April 29, 2007 — Lavalife.com
• November 22, 2006 — How to be Confident

Just in case you’re not feeling enough pressure going into that upcoming first date you have scheduled, here’s something else to keep in mind: about two thirds of all singles will decide whether to see someone again within the first 30 minutes of a date.

Yes, that’s right. You have 30 minutes to make a good impression on that other person if you want there to be a second date. If you’re really lucky, though, your date will be among the 22% of singles who are willing to give you up to an hour before they make up their minds.

Does any of this surprise you? It shouldn’t, really, considering the fast paced world in which we live. In a society where the emphasis is on getting what you want faster (think drive thru espresso stands) and having to take care of many different responsibilities each day (think multi-tasking or juggling two jobs), it’s no wonder that we’ve developed the same “short term” approach to our dating habits. We think we don’t have a moment to waste, so even on a date we’re inclined to be rushed and make fast decisions.

Age has a lot to do with this trend. In general, people under age 40 are most likely to make these fast judgments, while people over age 40 are more likely to give things a bit more time. But you don’t want to dally with this older group, either, as they are probably only going to give you an hour or so before making their decision.

So the next time you go out on a first date, put a rush on it; you only get one chance (and about 30 minutes) to make a good first impression!

Related posts

• November 8, 2009 — Exclusivity Or Play The Field?
• October 30, 2009 — Dating In Later Life
• September 6, 2009 — The Boyfriend/Girlfriend Match
• July 19, 2008 — Want to Start Your Own Online Dating Site?
• December 18, 2007 — Are You Ready for Love?
• October 3, 2007 — Because the Internet Isn’t Fast Enough for Some Singles
• August 20, 2007 — Do You Know the Laws of Love?

If there’s one thing that online dating has vastly improved, it’s the prospects for dating and love for those who are later in life. I’m talking about people who are over 65 and find themselves single, many for the first time in decades. This is the kind of situation that used to just be considered inevitable for folks in this age group; they had their time as part of a relationship, the thinking went, and now it’s time for them to step aside and get used to being on their own.

Nonsense. Nobody has to be alone, no matter their age, but especially not those in the 65+ category. The modern world, with its new approaches to living and the tremendous array of technology tools, makes it possible and even exciting for later life singles to meet each other and enjoy whatever kind of relationship they want.

Two of the online dating sites that do a particularly good job of helping later life singles find love and companionship are Senior FriendFinder and DatingforSeniors.com. While these are not age-specific services, they do offer a higher level of personalized service that is often the best fit for 65+ singles that are new to the modern dating scene.

These web sites offer special advice and support to seniors, helping them to learn the “new rules” of dating in the 21st century. One area that’s especially important for seniors to keep in mind is the potential for others to take advantage of them, so these online dating sites pay particular attention to helping seniors protect themselves from scammers and other con artists.

So if you’re later in life and find yourself single, take heart. An entirely new and exciting world of dating and relationships is just waiting for you to take part!

Related posts

• January 24, 2007 — Looking for Love as a Senior?
• September 5, 2006 — Big Age Gaps Needn’t Stop Love!
• November 4, 2006 — Senior FriendFinder Review
• November 3, 2009 — Put A Rush On It
• May 18, 2009 — Vegan Matchmaking – Pleased to (Non-)Meat You
• May 1, 2009 — Love’s Still Booming
• March 18, 2009 — Never Fall in Love?

This year Halloween falls on a Saturday night, which means there will be parties galore to attend. From organized events sponsored by local organizations to in-home parties put together by friends or co-workers, there are plenty of options for singles to have tons of Halloween fun.

If you’re just in the early stages of dating someone, look for a party that’s sponsored by a local organization of some kind. Radio stations are famous for hosting Halloween bashes, and so are other organizations like churches, bars and restaurants, non-profit charities, and the like. Each of these parties is going to have a slightly different atmosphere so pick the one that’s going to be most comfortable for you and your date.

Radio station parties – Usually loud and crowded; lots of dancing and often an assortment of games and other activities (with prizes) throughout the night

Bars and restaurants – Can also be loud and crowded, depending on the size of the place and the type of crowd it attracts; may or may not have dancing, games, and other activities; nearly always has specials on food, drinks, appetizers, and the like

Churches – These are often family-style events where parents and kids participate equally; many larger churches, though, also sponsor singles parties and/or adult parties for a safe and fun Halloween. Likely to be more sedate than other parties, in an atmosphere that is more focused on social interaction

It’s a good idea to talk with your potential date in advance about what kind of party he or she would be most comfortable attending. Choosing the right party is a great way to spend time with someone new and be assured there will be plenty of activity to keep you occupied throughout the evening!

Related posts

• October 26, 2008 — Need Halloween Costume Ideas?
• May 18, 2009 — Spring Fever Is Contagious
• November 27, 2008 — Giving Thanks to Online Dating
• September 4, 2008 — Can a Summer Romance be TOO Hot?
• January 5, 2008 — Getting Through the Winter Dating Blues
• December 18, 2007 — Are You Ready for Love?
• December 13, 2007 — Should They Meet the Family?

We all have seen the commercials and heard the hype about how some dating sites use “scientific” methods to match people based on personal characteristics, compatibility, and the like. But does this really work? Is there any evidence to show that there truly is a science to matchmaking? The answer is, it depends.

Let’s start with what it means to take a scientific approach to matching singles with each other. For paid online dating sites like eHarmony.com and Match.com, this means taking known research about the things that tend to cause marriages to fail (smoking, age differences, lack of common interests, etc.) and using this information to match people together. The theory is if they can minimize the problem areas that often lead to divorce in the first place, they can match singles more successfully and get better results.

The problem has been in actually verifying this as a successful matchmaking method. EHarmony.com and Match.com recently published their “success rates”, but these are put out there in terms such as the number of emails exchanged per year, the number of “winks” sent out each year, and the number of dates their users go on each year. This is interesting information (mostly for advertisers) but doesn’t necessarily help determine if their matching methods succeed where it really counts – helping you find someone special to share your life.

Do I think dating sites that use this approach are necessarily bad? No, of course not. There are plenty of singles who have found partners using this kind of approach. All I’m saying is it’s a good idea to have an objective view of what they’re offering and promising if you’re going to choose to use their services.

Related posts

• May 1, 2009 — Love’s Still Booming
• May 21, 2008 — Yes, Online Dating Can be Successful
• March 5, 2008 — You Need a Dating Strategy – Now! Part One
• November 12, 2007 — 100% Free, But Will It Work?
• October 12, 2007 — Online Dating: Are You Taking It Seriously?
• July 12, 2007 — The Hot Button Topic in Online Dating
• July 7, 2007 — Are Dating Sites Worth Your Time?

Oh, the money to be made from online dating!

You can be sure the business world is well aware of how much money can be made by operating an online dating service; that’s why there are so very many of them out there, all competing for your “dating dollar”. They put a great deal of effort into positioning themselves as your friend, your confidante, and your best choice for finding love, but never for a moment forget that none of that stuff is “real”.

Online dating is a business, first and foremost, and every paid dating service is going to do everything they can to squeeze every dollar possible out of you. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing if they succeed in matching you with someone special. But you can never know at the beginning if you’re going to have this kind of success, so you have to go into it with your eyes wide open and with a budget in mind of what you’re willing to spend.

I don’t have anything against paid online dating sites; in fact, they can be quite good for many people. I do think, though, that it’s a good idea to use some of the free sites as well, especially those based on social networking concepts. Think of it as you would a financial investment; you wouldn’t put all of your money into just one kind of financial tool, and so you shouldn’t put all of your money (and effort) into just one online dating site.

Online dating may be big business and generate millions of dollars in profit each day, but it is still something very personal for you as the user. It pays to keep this in mind when you’re choosing which online service(s) to use and how much of your hard earned money to put into their offerings.

Related posts

• January 5, 2007 — Free Online Dating vs. Pay Online Dating
• May 9, 2009 — To Fee Or Not To Fee? – Free vs. Pay Dating
• March 19, 2007 — On www.Luvoo.com? Get Out Your Credit Card
• June 27, 2009 — Dating In A Terrible Economy
• May 1, 2009 — Love’s Still Booming
• April 15, 2009 — Volunteering for Love?
• March 9, 2009 — The Recession Increases Your Chances of Finding Love… Really

You’ve got to love technology! Add to the hundreds and hundreds of useful (and sometimes not so useful) applications for your iPhone a brand new one that lets you do a fast background check on someone with just a few clicks. Called DateCheck, this ingenious little piece of software lets you put in a person’s name, phone number, or email address, and it will search a variety of web resources to quickly give you a snapshot of the person’s background and life.

DateCheck does this by using the information you plug into it to conduct a web search of multiple sources such as social networking sites, public records, and the like. And boy, does it ever come back with plenty of information! From criminal records to property assets to allowing you to submit ratings for a particular person, DateCheck makes it easy to, well, check someone out.

I really like the way DateCheck categorizes the information it finds, too. The first category is the Sleaze Detector, which is where you will find information about DUIs, sexual offenses, or other criminal issues. Next up is Compatibility, matching their zodiac sign to yours (okay, this one is not very scientific), followed by Net Worth, Living Situation, and Interests. It’s so effective at checking out these categories that if a person owns a home, for instance, you stand a decent chance of being able to tell its number of bedrooms and square footage.

Unfortunately, DateCheck is only available for the iPhone right now, so if you have another kind of mobile phone you’re out of luck. But look on the bright side – if you’ve been looking for an excuse to buy an iPhone this neat little application might just be the reason you need!

Related posts

• March 8, 2007 — Should Online Dating Be Controlled by the Government?
• January 11, 2007 — A New Way For Online Dating?
• February 8, 2009 — Computer Transmitted Diseases? A New Love Bug
• February 14, 2008 — Can You Handle the Truth?
• May 15, 2007 — Been Out of the Dating Game for a While?
• April 17, 2007 — Is Your Perfect Date a Perfect Con Artist?
• April 11, 2007 — Googled Your Date Lately?

Last week we talked about the boyfriend/girlfriend match, that wonderful and exciting type of relationship that’s based so much on having fun, seeking out adventure, and spending time with someone who very likely is opposite to you in so many ways. It’s a very common type of match in the dating scene, but there’s another type of match that is also important to understand and consider.

It’s called the husband/wife match and its characteristics are both distinct and noticeable. This kind of match is based on enjoying each other’s company, but for reasons very different from the boyfriend/girlfriend match. A couple like this is usually two people who are very similar in a great number of ways; they probably like the same things, have similar life goals, place value on a steady and trusting relationship, and the like. It’s very common for this kind of couple to be very much the same in terms of their personalities; they come together out of a sense of feeling comfortable, connected, and partnered in the deepest sense of the word.

There’s a lot to like about this kind of match, especially if you’re interested in settling down into a longer term relationship. For some people this type of match screams “BORING!!!!” but that does not have to be the case at all. Two people can have fun together, it’s just that with this kind of match the definition of what’s fun (and the lengths you’ll go to in order to have that kind of fun) tends more toward the conventional rather than the adventurous.

So what kind of match do you want? There’s no right or wrong in this, just a matter of being honest with yourself (and with your partner) about your intentions toward the relationship and the kind of relationship you most want to have.

Related posts

• September 7, 2006 — What Do You Want to Do?
• September 6, 2009 — The Boyfriend/Girlfriend Match
• July 19, 2009 — Genetic Profiling And Dating
• July 13, 2009 — Summer Lovin’
• February 2, 2009 — Maybe You Don’t Have to Date…
• November 17, 2008 — Is the Real You Good Enough?
• May 21, 2008 — Yes, Online Dating Can be Successful

So much time, effort, and money goes into dating that you would think we would have a better idea of what kind of relationship is really “right” for us. Unfortunately, though, most people simply drift from date to date and relationship to relationship, hoping for something special to develop but doing very little to actually make it happen.

The problem it seems is that we simply do not know what kind of match is best based on our long term goals. There are two basic kinds of matches – the “boyfriend/girlfriend” and the “husband/wife”, both of which have definite characteristics that affect both short term and long term relationship success. This week let’s look at the first of these, the boyfriend/girlfriend match.

A match like this is based most often on having fun together. It is carefree, focused on having a good time, and often includes a touch of adventure or even danger in the mix. Two people in this kind of match are not thinking about long term commitment, or sometimes even short term commitment for that matter. No, they are most intent on enjoying each other’s company, doing interesting things, and sampling what the world has to offer. It’s pretty common for this kind of couple to be opposites when it comes to their personalities; opposites attract, after all, and it is this sense of being with someone who is very different from yourself that makes this kind of match so appealing.

There’s nothing wrong with finding and enjoying a boyfriend/girlfriend match, of course. The key is to understand it for what it is (and what it isn’t) and make a conscious decision about whether or not to choose this kind of a relationship approach.

Next up: The husband/wife match!

Related posts

• May 17, 2007 — Do Hot Black Girls Prefer Hot Black Guys?
• November 8, 2009 — Exclusivity Or Play The Field?
• November 3, 2009 — Put A Rush On It
• September 6, 2009 — The Husband/Wife Match
• July 19, 2009 — Genetic Profiling And Dating
• February 2, 2009 — Maybe You Don’t Have to Date…
• January 10, 2009 — Blogging about Your Online Dates – A Good Idea?

Just about everything else on the internet is now accessible via your mobile phone, so why not online dating as well? It makes a lot of sense, really, because so many people now connect to the internet as much (or even more) using their mobile phone than using their laptop or desktop computer.

The latest online dating service to “go mobile” is Zoosk, which claims to be the “world’s largest social dating community”. They actually are offering two different applications, one that’s strictly for mobile phones and one that’s designed to bring the online dating experience directly onto your computer desktop. It’s easier than ever to always have Zoosk at your fingertips, right? Right!

But is this kind of approach really a good thing?

It’s already frustrating enough dealing with poor mobile phone etiquette, how much more annoying is it going to be to have lots more people focused on their online dating activities this way as well? Imagine sitting in a meeting where the person next to you is receiving updates, winks, virtual gifts, and the like, throughout; and you thought simple texting was bothersome!

And what happens when you’re out with one person on a date but you receive messages from another person at the same time? Imagine the raft of new excuses you’re going to need… “That was my mother calling”… “It was a wrong number”… “I’ll just call them back later”… these old tired excuses just might not cut it anymore?

This is all a bit ‘tongue in cheek’ of course, but the underlying issue is something to think about. If you want the latest in convenience and accessibility for online dating then by all means look for a service like Zoosk that offers a mobile application. If, however, you’re not quite ready to be THAT accessible, think carefully before allowing this kind of application to invade your mobile phone!

Related posts

• April 28, 2007 — Webdate.com
• December 28, 2006 — Cell phone + online dating = True love?
• July 19, 2008 — Want to Start Your Own Online Dating Site?
• February 20, 2007 — Is This the End of Online Dating?
• August 8, 2006 — Safe to Date?
• July 3, 2006 — Internet Dating 2006 (i Date) Conference, Amsterdam