Daisy Girl Press

Bed rest

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:37:00 +0000

From my very first doctor's appointment in July when the doc first confirmed the pregnancy and checked my blood pressure, he straight up told me bed rest was going to be a possibility "after Christmas". Well, I made it exactly a month past Christmas. At our doctor's appointment last week, my blood pressure was a little elevated and wouldn't go down, so the doc sent us downstairs to the hospital for observation "for a few hours" just to make sure everything was ok.

What?! I'm going to the hospital?! CUE THE STROKE. My blood pressure went from slightly elevated to through the roof in two minutes flat. I was immediately surrounded by doctors and nurses asking me over and over and over again if I was having headaches or seeing flashes of light or having contractions or bleeding. No. No. No. No. No. **between tears** I just want to go home.

Wrong.

They ended up admitting me and keeping me there allll weekend. They put me on blood pressure medication and checking it every four hours (after we were initially out of the woods) for three days. "Sort Of Kind Of Maybe Mild Pre Eclampsia" was the diagnosis, depending on which doctor you asked. My actual doctor had left to go out of town to a conference about thirty minutes after I was admitted-- so we got the fun experience of dealing with on-call docs all weekend. If I've never impressed upon you the importance of healthy relationships and the importance of choosing the right life partner, PLEASE, listen to me now. It is probably the most important thing I've done in my life-- choosing to marry P. He slept in a chair in the hospital for three days when he didn't have to. He brought me every meal so I wouldn't have to eat the nasty hospital food. He rubbed my shoulders and ran his fingers through my hair during blood pressure checks to help me calm down. (I have a bit of White Coat Hypertension- and the baby is just adding to the higher numbers.) And now he's waiting on me hand and foot, while doing dishes, laundry, and picking up the house, now that I'm on strict bed rest. I don't know how single people, people with rocky marriages or less considerate husbands do it. It is not lost on me how unbelievably lucky I am.

While I'm not thrilled about having to leave school three weeks earlier than planned, I am grateful for the rest. I've lost five pounds in water weight just being off my feet over the weekend. When I saw the doctor yesterday he noted how I even looked different since all the swelling had gone down. And my blood pressure was fine, so we're just going to keep doing what we're doing.

As usual, this kiddo is super healthy and happy. He's just upside down in my belly kicking away night and day. He's never shown even the first sign of distress. He's such a trooper. And if things keep going the way they are now, positively, he'll be able to arrive on his own time whenever he's good and ready. This is really important to me, so I hope it works out that way. If my BP spikes and we do have to induce, I'll understand, but I REALLY prefer that not to happen.

We are SO ready for kiddo though. Everything is set. Bags are packed, car seat is in the car. Diapers are ready; his bed is ready. I can not wait to meet him and for the first time see the precious face of this little boy that I've been talking to and feeling wiggle around inside me for the last nine months. I want to hold those little hands and kiss those tiny feet that have been poking out through my stomach the last few weeks. And it's almost time. It's just a matter of days now.

So excited!

Wake Up Call

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 15:15:00 +0000

It's ~~funny~~ interesting how your body prepares you for life with a newborn during pregnancy. Honestly, I haven't gotten a full night's sleep since last May, before I was pregnant. And as you probably know, the sleeplessness just gets worse the further along you go in your pregnancy- at least for me it has. And when you combine that with the lovely hormonal shifts that happen especially in the third trimester, you're asking for a meltdown at some point, right?

I had a moment of clarity at 4 a.m. this morning after getting up for the FIFTH time to go to the bathroom/roll over/change sides to keep the hip pain to a minimum/re-arrange the body pillow/coax at least one side of my sinuses to open up so I can breathe. I was so frustrated at my lack of sleep, because I'm not one of those people who can get up to go to the bathroom and fall right back asleep quickly. The whole ordeal can be up to a 30-45 minute process, just to wake right back up an hour later and start the whole thing over again- all the while knowing that the alarm is going to go off in just a couple of short hours and I'm going to have to put in a full day of wrangling sixteen year olds with all their quirks and craziness. And I know a semblance of this routine will be the norm after kiddo gets here with two notable exceptions: 1) There will be an actual child I'll be taking care of, not just random nuisances from pregnancy keeping me up and 2) There will be no wrangling of 16 year olds or stress about grades or paperwork or meetings that have to get done.

And while I was laying there staring at the clock tick the minutes away at 5 a.m. wishing for sleep and dreading starting my day in two hours, I had moment. A memory. A night 13 months ago in November. At 5 a.m. I awoke and realized I hadn't woken up to go to bathroom since I'd gone to bed at 10 p.m. It broke my heart and I cried myself back to sleep in P's arms. I'd miscarried two days before and the full night of sleep was a devastating reminder of what once was, but was no more. And so this morning, while laying there wishing for sleep, I took a deep breath, felt kiddo swimming and kicking inside me and just said thank you.

Even just in pregnancy I feel like this lil guy is a survivor. I feel like he is SUPPOSED to be here- from a weird sickness I picked up in Mexico after I first conceived, to a month of cluster headaches and steroids at the end of my first trimester, to the random weird aches and pains that are happening to my body, I feel like not only has he hung in there, he's super healthy and growing like a weed as far as anybody can tell. He was MEANT to be here. And he will be here before long.

And I have no reference point for how much I'm going to love this kid. I love looking at my FB page and seeing all my friends who already have children who are expecting another one. They are so excited to meet their new little ones because they've had that experience of holding a new child in their arms and being overwhelmed with the love that comes from having a child. I haven't had that experience before and right now I'm mostly anxious and nervous about the whole thing, but I know it's going to be a completely transformative experience and I can't wait to have it. The only thing I can compare it to is my love for P. It's the most deeply abiding, peaceful and secure love I've ever experienced in my life with another person. And I know it's only going to be a drop in the bucket and a building block for how much I love my son. I can't WAIT to know what that feels like.

So with that, and with six-ish weeks left before I meet him, I'm making a more concentrated effort to be thankful for all these aches and pains and sleepless nights and weird hormones and CONSTANT stuffy nose knowing that the relationship that will come out of it will be more than I ever could have dreamed it would be.

Month 8

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 20:13:00 +0000

Sometimes I catch P staring at my belly and laughing. Neither of us can believe how big it's getting. Easy mobility is really getting to be a thing of the past at this point. We're at 32 weeks and counting. I can't believe how quickly it's all flown by. It's been months of crazy anxiety and weird pains and waiting and wondering what life's going to be like with a little man child around. But we've had some really, really good moments. And these are my two favorites:

- the night we were laying in bed and P wrapped his arms around my belly and asked me if it was okay if he held the baby.

- how kiddo seems to take Wednesdays off and I get so worried that something is wrong because I don't feel him for a while. Then one Thursday morning, I was up at 5:30 a.m. because I couldn't sleep and P was already leaving for work, as usual. When I told him I loved him and hoped he'd have a good day, kiddo did a major back flip in my tummy at the exact same time. And it made me excited about our new little family.

It's just a few weeks til the baby shower, and then we'll be ready for kiddo to make his debut into the world and become a part of our family. It can't get here quickly enough!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:17:00 +0000

It's been a month since I've blogged. It's crazy how when you find out you're having a baby (at least your first one) you use every single second of every day thinking about that baby. What's he gonna be like? What's our life gonna be like? Am I gonna be one of those crazy women who breaks down and hates motherhood at first? Am I gonna be one of those saints who LOVES breastfeeding and NO IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL and I can't imagine being more happy than I am right at this moment with this wonderful newborn? What's it's gonna be like?

I spend most of my days pondering these things. Reactions and advice from people runs the gamut from one extreme to the other. Of course, there's no shortage of "Just wait..." comments. And the "You're going to love it" comments are admittedly few and far between. But I thrive on them. Word to the wise: Don't discourage new moms before they have their babies. Just don't do it. If you don't have something positive, or at the very least, constructive or helpful to say, just keep it to yourself. Motherhood is a challenge. We all know that. But don't tell me how much it sucked for you in the beginning and in the same breath tell me how much you don't regret it. Tell me the good things that came out of it. Tell me how you survived. Tell me what you learned. Don't just tell me how much it sucked. Because then I think, Wow. You went on to have more kids. Was it just a lack of birth control or what?

I have one friend, maybe two, and that's it who continually remind me how empowering it is becoming a mother. How life changes, yes, but you become this totally new, stronger, better person than you thought you'd ever be. They tell me yes, you'll be tired, but you'll cherish those late night feedings and the relationship you'll have with your baby. And I love the encouragement. There needs to be more of that in the world. So I really am looking forward to making it a positive experience. I'm determined to.

I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment of the amount of things we have left to do and the little time we have left to do it. 3D ultrasound is coming up this weekend, then we've got docs appointments every two weeks; we need to pre register at the hospital, register for the child birth class and the breast feeding class. I've got a host of things yet to buy before the kid gets here as it pertains to things I'll need at the hospital and things we'll need immediately when we come home. And I've got about 2 1/2- 3 months to get it all done. I can't believe how quickly this is flying by. I remember in my first trimester saying to someone how slowly everything was moving- it was going to be a long nine months. Not anymore. This belly is literally getting bigger every day. And it won't be long before kiddo is here and we're thrown into the deep end. I am SO ready for it!

Four Years

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:46:00 +0000

Today is my wedding anniversary. Four years ago, Poncho and I said our vows, which occurs to me now did not include the words "I DO", and promised to love, support, and encourage each other in the best ways we knew how. And so far, we're batting a thousand. He makes a good point when he tells me, every year we seem to get better- and not just our relationship, because it pretty consistently stays awesome, but our life together seems to move up a rung on the ladder every year. We accomplish more, we learn new things, and we feel better about where were are in life. That's pretty cool. I feel really lucky that we're not one of those couples who have had to "go through some really hard times" to learn how to appreciate each other. We haven't had to royally screw it all up, just to figure out how it's supposed to work. And I'm very, VERY thankful for that. I hope we can stay on that road.

And now we have a son on the way. I can't put into words how that feels. Mostly because it's completely overwhelming. He was very much planned for but still felt like a surprise when we found out he'd be making his arrival in nine months. Yet, he wasn't a surprise at all. I married his dad knowing he was the only man I ever wanted to have children with. And now that we'll have a son together, I can't IMAGINE my child having a better father. He's a source of constant hilarity, immense care and compassion, and one of the best communicators I've ever known. He thinks things through rationally but still feels things deeply. And he's not afraid to talk about it. We've been together over six years now, and he still sends me text messages after he leaves for work at 6 a.m. telling me how much he loves me and hopes I have a good day. And he still takes time out of his busy schedule to ask me how my days are going. He's pretty much the most thoughtful people I know. He knows how to love and be loved. And he's hands down the hardest worker I've ever met. And I hope our son follows his example.

I feel extremely fortunate to have landed my husband. And I love that his marriage proposal was pretty much a microcosm of how our whole relationship would be. It caught me completely off guard and he didn't got the traditional route and get down on one knee. He hugged me tight and said, I know I'm supposed to be on my knee, but I have to be holding you when I ask you this. My heart jumped about a million miles in the air, his voice was shaking and he asked me to be his wife. And then he gave me the ring he'd been carrying around in his pocket all weekend. Then I said yes.

And here we are years later. We don't always take the traditional route, but it's worked for us. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a lucky girl. And I never, NEVER want to take that for granted.

Finally!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 19:51:00 +0000

The 20 week wait to find out who my child is was EXCRUCIATING. You people who don't find out the sex, I don't understand you at ALL. I need a face. I need a name. I need to go ahead and start having conversations with this kiddo. And I can now.

We're having the cutest man-child in the entire world. And I'm NOT biased. See?

We had a really good 20 week doctor's appointment. We went back to do the sonogram first thing. The tech showed us his head first- his profile. We didn't know if it was a boy or girl yet. When I saw his face, I immediately thought, this is a boy... or a girl that realllly looks like P. Then the tech found a leg. She pointed it out and said, "Ok, here's a leg." And then everything else magically appeared on the screen and I said, "Whoa! That's a BOY!" And she laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess I don't have to point anything out on this one." There were all his boy parts out and proud. :) I'll spare him the embarrassment of posting pictures of his boy parts in utero, but I have them and I'll keep them on file for future reference.

The tech took lots of measurements and told us we have a very active little guy. It took her like five times to get a heart rate on him because every time she locked in on his heart, he'd move. We got to see his little feet wiggle and his little arms and hands move around. His arm and hand were up over his head when we were taking pictures, and I had the tech just double check to make sure he wasn't sucking his thumb. I need to know now if I need to start saving for braces. Thankfully, he wasn't.

Then we waited for the doctor to see us after the ultrasound. My blood pressure was good, so that was nice. And the doctor came in and explained all the ultrasound measurements to us. Kiddo is measuring at exactly 20 weeks gestation which is awesome, the doc said. This means he's perfectly proportioned. He said you shoot for a two week window on all his major organs and limbs and that doesn't always happen. So since kiddo is measuring 20 weeks exactly, he said we have a little over achiever on our hands already. :)

He also explained that they looked at all 4 of his heart chambers, his brain, his spine, and his kidneys and everything looks perfect and they have ruled out 95% of major defects in those areas. So that's a MAJOR relief. I said to the doctor, "So everything is ok?" And he said, "No, it's MORE than OK. This kid and this pregnancy look GREAT." So those are very reassuring words- especially after everything I went through during the first trimester. So we're all smiles on this end!

Thirty-Two

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 14:01:00 +0000

So I spent a few minutes this morning reading back over old blog posts from my birthday- 2004, 2005. Turning 24 and 25. Ah, young and carefree those days were.

Then we grow up. And get married. And HAVE BABIES. OMG. I'M HAVING A BABY. I'm not gonna lie, my belly shocked me a little when I looked in the mirror this morning. And I let out a, "WHOA, TINA!" at how big it's getting.

(We call the baby Tina right now. As in EAT THE FOOD, TINA.)

And it's my birthday. Thirty-one was a pretty good year. It went by super quickly. That's what they say, the older you get, the faster each year goes by. And I have no point of reference for how quickly thirty-two will fly by with this baby on the way. But it's all forward progress. Onward and upward every year so far. It just keeps getting better and I'm SO thankful for that.

I think this year, I've learned I have certain strengths I didn't realize I had. And I've learned to let things be. We can't always change things we don't like. We have to accept and adapt. And I've also learned the value of being patient and waiting. So it's been another productive year of learning and growing up. And I'm really excited to see what thirty-two holds. :)

Teaching with Poverty in Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:21:00 +0000

I'm having lots of thoughts while reading this book: Teaching with Poverty in Mind. It's excellent, by the way. If you're a teacher in a classroom with low SES students, I HIGHLY recommend getting this book.

It talks a lot about the emotional under-development of children who come from high poverty households and how they need to be taught how to process emotions and proper reactions to them. I never thought about that at the high school level, but it's very true. And it explains a lot of the disruptive outbursts we see in class.

Right now I'm thinking about the high level of chronic stressors present in the lives of high poverty students. Growing up with chronic stress actually impairs the development of most aspects of the brain biologically. It's fascinating stuff. Chronic stress is the cause of their constant impulsivity (their lack of being able to think before they act or speak), because impulse is a survival mechanism they've used all their lives to stay alive and have their immediate survival needs met. The book says, "Our students don't wear signs around their necks that say 'Chronic stress lives here'..." but they don't have to. So many times you can see it in their appearance. And I'm not limiting myself to just judging a book by its cover here, but when you see a student that may or may not have bathed in the last few days, dragged a comb through his/her hair for a while, and you're pretty sure they were wearing those same clothes the last time you saw them, as indicated by that unforgettable spaghetti stain from the lunchroom, you pretty much know- that kid, and probably his/her family, operates in survival mode. You can almost perfectly predict classroom behavior at that point- at least to varying degrees.

What I really enjoy about this book is that it urges teachers to EXPECT these "negative" or survival responses from their students. It's the way they live their lives. Why would we expect anything different right off the bat in our classrooms? We have to create safe classroom environments where they can watch us model the correct responses to stress and in return teach them a healthy way of functioning in the world.

I have hallway duty the last 30 minutes of every other day, and without fail, every time I have to listen to a teacher, behind his closed door, scream at the top of his lungs and say some very berating and hateful things to his last period class because his class is out of control and he's been pushed over the edge. He doesn't know he's being counter-productive. And it doesn't seem to register with him that his screaming tantrums aren't fixing anything, because he still has to do it every single day. I want him to read this book-- it's laying on his desk. It would make his life so much easier if he would just breathe and have the patience to model and teach correct responses instead of escalating the stress in the room by hatefully screaming at the top of his lungs. Everybody is in survival mode in that room. Even the teacher.

I understand his frustration. I do. When a kid mutters EFF YOU, Bitch, under his breath about ten times in a class period, it's very hard to stay positive and have any desire at ALL to teach him ANYTHING- let alone how to act like an intelligent individual. But then that's our job, isn't it? Isn't that what we signed on for? To teach?

I did, anyway.

Choose Wisely

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:50:00 +0000

Words are so important. The words we choose to use often are more of an accurate reflection of who we are than we even realize.

I was watching an interview with a convicted killer, who although he seemed contrite, said, "Alcohol ruined my life. Alcohol cause me to do horrible things." And while it's true the alcohol most likely played a part in his demise, maybe a more accurate statement would be, "I allowed alcohol to ruin my life. I did horrible things while under the influence of alcohol." Doesn't that indicate a little more personal responsibility than just blaming his actions on the two and a half gallons of Canadian Mist he consumed before shooting someone?

And really? Canadian Mist? I guess it would take about two and a half gallons of that stuff to make you loopy.

Anyway, I'm a stickler for words. It's what I do. So next time you're in a conversation with someone. Listen to the words they choose to use. What do they say about them?

Parakeet Pete

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 15:48:00 +0000

So there are 5 paint samples on the wall behind the nursery door. I've been chasing a certain color for a few weeks and could never quite get it. After yet another trip to Lowe's and one more trip through the paint section, I found it. I went home and put a swatch on the wall. It was exactly the color I'd been chasing-- the perfect mix of blue and green. But it was DARK. It was BOLD. I specialize in neutrals so this was different for me. I was scared. Hold me! :)

So I called P upstairs to try to talk me through it. Should we or shouldn't we? Would our khakis and our whites still work with our newly chosen paint, Parakeet Pete? We talked and went back and forth. Should we go with lighter or darker? Do we want subtle or "kick ass", as Poncho said. Then I called mom. She helped. She pointed out that the contrast in dark walls and light furniture would really make the room pop-- and after all, paint is temporary. If we get it up and hate it, we can fix it.

Then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed an antique rose print I currently have hanging on the wall in the room. My parents bought the print on a trip to Paris back in the early nineties and somehow it found its way to my house. The mat is exactly the color of the Parakeet Pete paint. The frame is a dark gold. And much of the print itself is white. My color palette has been hanging on the wall this whole time and I hadn't even noticed.

So the dark, bold blue/green paint is what we're going with. And the crib is getting painted white today. I'm going out on a limb here for this room and I want it to be good! So I'm crossing my fingers that it's going to be as great as I think it is!

Parakeet Pete (Notice the color of the bird.)

Rounding 2nd...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 20:13:00 +0000

So at nearly 15 weeks, I feel like I'm finally settling into my second trimester. Things seem to be calming down a bit physically. But I'm still waiting for that whole "you'll have more energy" thing. Then again, I'm sure this baby isn't completely to blame for that part. It IS 110 degrees outside EVERY SINGLE DAY still. So I know once it cools off a little, things will be much sunnier in my world. :)

It's killing me that I have another appointment in a week and a half and technically the doc should be able to tell whether we're having a boy or girl, but he's making us wait all the way to the traditional twenty week sonogram. Oh well. I'm chomping at the bit to start decorating and buying things, but clearly, that's not top priority on his agenda.

I'm also starting to feel a little more hopeful about this pregnancy. I've talked to other moms who all seem to express there's such an expectation that you're supposed to feel certain things during pregnancy and during the newborn months- and when we don't feel those things, we feel like freaks. I've resigned myself to knowing that no matter what I feel or don't feel for that matter, I'm not a freak. All our feelings are valid and come from important places for important reasons.

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I couldn't celebrate at all. I wasn't even that happy when I saw the test come up positive. I was just pure 100% worried. And I stayed that way for about 12 weeks. For good reason, I think. I'd miscarried six months before, and the first 11 or so weeks of my pregnancy were absolutely physically and painfully miserable- and not in a normal way. I had two doctors looking at me, saying they'd never seen anybody in my condition in either of their 25 years of practice. So I couldn't help but wonder what the kiddo must be going through.

Then there were the hormones. I sat in the bathtub and cried for nearly an hour one night. I wanted this baby. I wanted to be pregnant. What in the world could I have been thinking?! I was in more physical pain than I'd ever been in my entire life, and my entire world had already changed and I wondered if it would ever go back to even resembling normal again. Fun, which was a major part of my life and marriage before the positive pregnancy test, had ceased to exist. No more fun for me. No more late night house parties for 2 with hubs. And I was tethered to the house for all intents and purposes because of the pain I was in, and also because I was convinced at any minute, something would go wrong and I'd miscarry. I had nothing to look forward to but watching bad television and feeling horrible for the next nine months.

And poor P. What a champ he's been. That night I cried in the bathtub, he came upstairs, tucked me in and laid there and let me cry on him til I fell asleep. And that's how he's been this whole pregnancy. He's completely picked up all the slack around the house because I've been too worn out to do much of it. He's cleaning, doing dishes, taking care of the yard AND trying to finish the master bath remodel. And the times I feel okay and try to help, he tells me to sit down. I know I couldn't have made it through the last 3 months without him. And no way would I have wanted to.

But here we are. Nearing the 4 month mark. I still worry a tiny bit about whether or not our baby will be healthy given the medication I had to take first trimester. Of course the doc says not to worry, but until I see a healthy ultrasound at 20 weeks with one head, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, and 10 toes, I won't be completely convinced. But the worry about miscarrying has ended. I feel completely confident that I can carry this pregnancy now. Will it be to term? Who knows. Crazy things happen. But I'm confident I can do the things on my end that I need to do to give this baby the best shot possible at being healthy. So it's nice to have that worry off my plate.

And I feel like the hormones have calmed down quite a bit. The craziness has been replaced by hope and a growing excitement that I'm going to have a CHILD. Craziness. Total and complete insanity. And it's going to be awesome. And I can't wait to see both of my parents with their first grandchild. That moment is going to be almost as rewarding to see as when I get to see my child for the first time. Both of my parents are bursting at the seams with joy, and I can't wait for them to meet this little one.

So the second trimester is looking up. I'm excited about getting to feel the baby (I think I'm already feeling flutters) and see how it grows and progresses. And I'm SUPER excited about finding out if I'm having a boy or girl. Can. NOT. Wait!

And so we carry on!

New Book Review Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 18:15:00 +0000

My review for Sapphire's The Kid is no up on BlogHer. Go check it out!

Nursery

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:56:00 +0000

I've held off as long as I can. But I WANT to start planning this kiddo's nursery! I put the cart before the horse last time, and it didn't work out. But this time, I'm much farther along than I was last time and things seem to be looking up. They tell me that in about 2 weeks I'll be into my second trimester and out of the proverbial woods. So I can at least pick out paint colors, can't I? :)

I've gone back and forth about doing a gender specific room, but predictably, I've fallen back to the classic. The scheme I'm going with will work beautifully for either girl or boy. So we'll start with a basic pallet and then either streamline it for a boy or fluff it up with accessories for a girl.

So here's the picture I'm going with for inspiration:

I'm making a few changes, but this is the mood I'm going for. Peaceful, calm, light. I'm going to play off these colors and go a bit lighter on the walls and a bit darker on the curtains. I think I've settled on this for the paint color:

Valspar, Dancing Mist

Or maybe Glass Tile

Then I'd like to do a heavy shantung curtain in a dark khaki. It would give the room some texture and shine. And it would give the bluish/green color in the room some depth. And while the color scheme lends itself to the brown in wood furniture, wood furniture has a sort of heavy/darker feel to me. And since we already have some great white crown moulding in the room, I think I'm going to stick with white furniture. It'll keep it light and airy. Kind of dream-like and etherial. Which brings me to the real, ultimate inspiration for this baby's room.

In the third grade, my teacher made me memorize Eugene Field's "Wynken, Blyken, and Nod" and recite it in front of the class for a grade. And while that process was rather torturous as a 7 year old, it's been my favorite children's poem ever since. So my uber-talented step daughter has agreed to paint a mural of the little fishermen three in the room. She's going to do it on canvas so we can keep it, even after the kiddo gets a little older and we redecorate the room. It's going to be HUGE and the focal point of the room. It'll look something like this:

So this is where I'm starting. I've got colors. I've got art. I even already have some pieces of furniture. I'm using two pieces of furniture my dad built for me and my sister when we were little, a big mantle piece we'll be using as a shelf, and an apothecary chest of drawers he built for my room in elementary school. We're refinishing it and adding new hardware to it.

I'd say we've got a good plan in mind and a good starting place. We'll probably start doing the room in October when we find out what we're having so I can accessorize as needed!

You are your own best advocate.

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 19:22:00 +0000

I don't know how many times I've sat in ARD meetings at school with special ed students and watched teachers, parents, and administrators talk over them and plan their lives out for them without even asking the kid what he/she thought. So I make it a point in each of those meetings to try to slow everyone down a bit, look at the kiddo, and ask him or her to talk about what they're struggling with at school, what they'd like to see done differently, or what support they think they need. It's important for them to have their own voice- especially as they get older and try to gain some kind of independence from their parents, they're going to need to be able to speak up for themselves and advocate for their own interests.

I've had to take a bit of my own advice to heart recently. I have had friends and family members with chronic pain before, and I've always sympathized with them, but never could really EMpathize with them until now. The onset of severe Cluster Headaches with this pregnancy let me put their shoes on, lace them all the way up, and walk about 3,000 miles in them. Cluster headaches are defined as a "rare headache disorder affecting 0.1% of the population". Thus, when you seek help from a doctor, most times you're just greeted with a sympathetic smile and a script for migraines. Many doctors have not heard of them, and those that have, haven't really researched them and figure it's a headache, so headache meds should work. (If you go to the website, notice CRISIS INTERVENTION is the first link on their menu- the number to the national suicide hotline. That's how desperate these things can make you feel. I can't imagine dealing with these without the kind of awesome family support I have.)

So I went through three weeks of this with my OB. Try Hydrocodone. Take 2 if it's really bad. I did that one night and of course, the pain meds didn't even put a dent in the headaches. They were coming fast and furious every two hours between the hours of 4 p.m. and 7 a.m. So I called them back a few days later, Hydrocodone doesn't work. I've done some reading and it seems like Oxygen seems to be the only treatment that slows the pain. Then there was a sigh and a Hmmmm on the other end of the line. I'm going to call you in some Tylenol 3. Try that. Bring on a few more nights of hard core pain and sleeplessness. Add to that an exhausted husband who wakes me up when I lie too still because he's afraid I've died from something exploding in my brain, and you have a pretty stressed out household.

Dad called the next morning. I lost it. I hadn't strung together more than three straight hours of sleep in almost a month and was emotionally exhausted from the pain and worry. I told him I felt like no one would listen to me. Like everyone says, Oh that sucks, sorry you're in pain, but you're SOL. I told him I just wanted to try the Oxygen treatment but nobody was listening because nobody knows what these headaches are. And I felt like such a little kid breaking down with my dad, and I later did it on the phone that day with my mom too. Sometimes pain makes us 5 year olds again, I guess. But I'm glad I did. Dad said, No, this is not going to work. I know I've got access to some oxygen and I'll have something figured out for you by the end of the day. And he did. My sweet, exhausted, stressed out husband, drove all the way to Oklahoma to pick up four bottles of oxygen for me last night after working outside all day in the 110 degree heat. He didn't even complain once.

I used the Oxygen last night, and the pain vanished within five minutes. I got more GOOD, PAINLESS sleep last night than I have in three weeks. And all because I took matters into my own hands, and well, my dad did too. Of course I called the doctor this morning to let him know what I'm doing, so as to make sure I'm not going to be harming Baby C. The people in the docs office just said, Well that's interesting, I've never heard of anybody using Oxygen to treat headaches before. And I said, Well, yes, that's because Cluster Headaches are very rare, but people do have them. So you may want to write this down for future reference. And it turns out that Oxygen is actually safer than Hydrocodone and Tylenol 3 for the baby. That's kind of a no brainer if you ask me.

So I'm learning that sometimes you do have to become your own advocate. And as my sister, the PA, says, All medicine is kind of a voo doo anyway. Don't just assume your doctor has all the answers. It's all just trying a concoction of different things til you see what works. And this time, I knew what would work, and went for it. I'm proud of myself for speaking up. And I'm overjoyed to have people in my life who don't let me stay silent and will speak up for me when I can't.

I Will Survive!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 19:59:00 +0000

Repeat! I will survive!

The first trimester of pregnancy can be a bit of a tricky thing apparently. I'm at 10 weeks now, and it's been a ride to say the least. Every woman's body is different and everybody responds differently to growing a human. And my body is PISSED, apparently. I do have something to be thankful for. The nausea passed by week 7, so that's not really an issue anymore. I'm VERY grateful for that. Although it seems I have a whole new set of fun things to deal with now.

First, it's almost impossible to breathe through my nose. Apparently it's called Rhinitis of Pregnancy, and YAY! It only gets WORSE throughout your entire pregnancy supposedly. So there's that to look forward to! That in itself, I could probably live with. I'd just stand up a lot to breathe and keep a cold pack on my face which seems to help a little.

But the bad thing is, I have a history of Cluster Headaches. I've had them since college. They're caused by not getting enough oxygen (through your nose) to the blood vessels in your brain, and the consequence is about 30-45 minutes of what feels like someone taking a coal-fired, freshly sharpened pickaxe to left side of my brain right behind my eye. Still, I might say, it's 45 minutes out of my day! I'll suck it up and be fine. I have experience with these things.

BUT.

They're coming at night. ALL night. About every hour and a half when I'm supposed to be sleeping. I'm averaging getting up, walking around, trying to breathe, about 4 times in the middle of every night. I'm going on twenty consecutive days of this. And while everyone's knee-jerk reaction is to say, "Get used to it, honey," that's not working for me right now. Sleep is ESSENTIAL to keeping your blood pressure down during pregnancy. And this is something that is going to be a struggle in my pregnancy. And your body instinctively wants to sleep. We all know that- this is why you're exhausted all the time, especially in the first few months of your pregnancy. But even napping is out of the question for me right now because of the headaches. And while I'm more than ready to be up all night feeding and comforting my precious kiddo, I need that kiddo to get here safe and sound because I've had a healthy and rested pregnancy. And I'm worried about it right now.

So, all that to say I hope maybe this is somehow connected to first trimester hormonal shifts and that at least the headaches will ease up the further I go along. Because along with the hormonal exaggerations and exhaustion, the pain is just psychologically draining. I have three more weeks to go in my first trimester. And two and a half more weeks until school starts. So until then, I'm literally kicking back and doing as little as possible so as to maybe balance out the lack of sleep my body's getting. But believe it or not, I'm actually ready for school to start. I'm ready for a new routine and trying to figure it all out while a baby is growing in my belly. And I know when school starts, time will FLY. And before I know it, kiddo will be here. And I AM ready for that!

A Bun in the Oven

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:12:00 +0000

Well, it appears that Baby Cochran is on his/HER way.

We're SUPER excited and just waiting to see what the future holds. This has been a crazy journey so far. And I've written a lot of it down. I kept a private blog, just so once this day came, and I WAS pregnant, and the doctor DID say, "Everything looks great," I could look back at what we've been through over the past year and see how far we've come.

Today is a GREAT, GREAT day. If you wanna read it, you'll understand why. Start with this post, and work your way up from October 2010. Once you click the month, start at the bottom of the blog page and read up to the top to read them in order.

Sarah Dessen's What Happened to Goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 23:48:00 +0000

Latest book review is up over on BlogHer! Check it out! I highly recommend this book- it's a great adolescent lit read. Get it for your girl for some summer reading, pronto!

Beach Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 15:36:00 +0000

I should be packing, but I'm not. I'm blogging. That's the way summer vacation goes. We leave at 6 a.m. tomorrow for the beach in... MEXICO. Cue the ominous music! Kidnappings, and shootings, and severed heads! Oh MY!

We're not driving across the border, nor are we going anywhere NEAR northern Mexico or deep inland Mexico where most of the drug violence is. (Although, I gotta say, I had several friends who drove across the border and three hours deep into Mexico TWICE last weekend and lived to tell the tale.) And I figure as long as we avoid hanging with any shady characters at our multi-million dollar gated resort, we'll be fine. So you can all rest your pretty heads and not worry about us. But just in case, both our funeral wishes are in our emails. So alert the families. :) That's probably just a good idea to take care of any time you're traveling out of the country anyway.

In a couple of hours I'm getting my pre-beach pedi and then I'll come home and pack and prepare for the arrival of my BFF and her hubs who will be here later tonight! It's gonna be a great week. Lots of R & R. Will update either while we're there or when we get back!

Terry McMillan's Getting to Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 02:08:00 +0000

So for the Penguin paperback release of Ms. McMillan's Getting to Happy (the sequel to Waiting to Exhale), I got to write a review. Here it is. Check it out!

New Book Review Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 14:38:00 +0000

My review of William Deresiewicz's, A Jane Austen Education is up over on BlogHer. Check it out! (Wasn't a huge fan of this one.)

Stay tuned for my upcoming review of Terry McMillan's sequel to Waiting to Exhale, Getting to Happy.

The Making of a Song

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 00:13:00 +0000

I'm breaking a major rule here, and may get in trouble for it. But I think technically P and I just agreed to not post anything on social networking sites about our music. Is a blog technically a social networking site? Oh well. Anyway, it's kind of interesting to see the evolution of how a song comes together. Here's a clip of the second chorus and breakdown of one I'm working on right now. There are no vocals, no guitar solo, and it's not mixed at all yet, so it's still rough. And it may end up being totally rough at the end still, but we're having fun working on it.

But this is my baby, so if it sucks, it's my fault. A clip of "Let Me Fall".

Cue the DJ Jazzy Jeff Song

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 14:10:00 +0000

It's the first official day of my summer. And there's already so much swimming around in my head- lists of things I want to do with my new-found free time! Being a teacher is one of the loves of my life, but this summer has been sorely needed and muchly anticipated! After all the stress of the potential impending budget cuts last school year- from Oh NO! They're laying off 50% of our faculty! To No, nevermind. Everybody's staying- which swung from one extreme to the next and back again for six whole months, the year was emotionally trying. People became more difficult to work with because the ax was hanging over all our heads. But as summer has approached, most of our jobs are still in tact and now we have a couple of months to rest and mentally recoup and prepare for the craziness that will begin again on August 15th.

This past year I've had some pretty amazing creative opportunities. My alma mater published one of my blog posts in an anthology by and about one of my college professors. I had the opportunity to begin writing book reviews for Penguin Books through BlogHer. And I was able to meet and hang out with one of my favorite musicians, who in turn encouraged me to up my game and my confidence a little in my singing and songwriting. (I believe chickenshit was the actual word he used. It worked.) So this summer, I'd like to keep doing more of the same, I guess. I feel like I'm on a creative roll and I'd like to ride it out and see where it takes me. And now I have the time to do it.

So I'm gonna go make some breakfast and see what the day holds. Send creative vibes my way and I'll send them back! :)

Graduation Day

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Thu, 26 May 2011 14:27:00 +0000

Today I think of Jorge, one of my sophomore English students two years ago.

He came to America when he was nine years old having never set foot in a school before- neither here nor in his home country. He says he remembers walking down the streets of downtown Dallas with his mom, seeing business names high on the sides of massive skyscrapers and wishing he could read them.

I didn't even know my letters, Miss.

Today he becomes the first person in his family to graduate high school. And in a few months he'll become the first person in his family to go to college.

I'm not his momma, but today I feel like a proud momma. This is why I do what I do.

Summertime in the City

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Tue, 24 May 2011 00:54:00 +0000

So here we are. The last official full week of school. I can whole-heartedly and honestly say this has been the most trying year of my teaching experience. Ironically enough, it has nothing to do with my students. The state budget cuts have had everybody in a tizzy since January. We've all just been waiting for the proverbial ax over our heads to fall squarely on top of us. We've been waiting and prognosticating and predicting and stressing out and drinking and worrying, and when it comes down to it at the end of the year, it seems like it's not going to be the total destruction and devastation we thought it would be five months ago.

So we're in the home stretch. Mere seconds away from crossing the finish line. Tempers are short and patience is wearing thin on all sides as we near the end. Everybody's ready to move on to what's next. And that's a summer where we don't have to worry about how the bills are going to get paid next year. Relaxing and recouping.

I for one will be on a tropical beach sipping drinks out of a pineapple with my husband and my bestie. I'll be sleeping in. I'll be writing and doing some music. It's a summer of creativity. I'm excited for it.

And here we go...

Wiping Down the Appliances

noreply@blogger.com (Ashly) — Fri, 20 May 2011 22:03:00 +0000

It seems nearly every day I reach to open the fridge, the dishwasher, the microwave and my freshly washed hand is accosted by a mess of dried food chunks stuck to the handle by whomever used it last.

**GROSS**

So this is how it goes in my mind as I'm wiping them down.

I am THANKFUL for the dried food chunks.

I am THANKFUL for the dried food chunks.

I am THANKFUL for the dried food chunks.

Cuz it could be different. There could be no dried food chunks. And that would be worse, ya know. Get my drift?

Thankful, yes.