Daisy Dexter Dobbs - Author and Grand High Exalted Goddess of Make-Believe

The Wonderful Healing Effects of Laughter

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:32:00 +0000

With Halloween finished, the holiday season is upon us. That means lip-licking, fat-soaked, sugar-drenched, calorific temptation galore for the next couple of months. It also means some of you will have a hell of a time keeping your eating and drinking sane and balanced during that time. Holidays can be wonderful and magical, but they can also be stressful, especially for dieters. They can also be extremely taxing for people who’ll be getting together with negative or toxic friends and family members.

All that stress makes temptation much more difficult to resist. But resist we must! Lord knows the last thing we want is to begin the new year with a depressing weight gain.

Of all the things to indulge in this holiday season, I highly recommend one delicious goodie that won’t make you gain weight and will actually help to lessen the stressful effects of being bombarded by delectable edibles.

That wonderful, positive, calorie-free goodie is laughter. It colors your perception, so that while others see gloomy gray skies, you’ll be seeing blue skies and clouds with silver linings. Laughter helps give you the power to take yourself, holiday stress, and life in general less seriously. It unties the knots in your gut when some well-meaning friend or family member decides to criticize your diet--or to watch you like a hawk each time you put something in your mouth. Laughter gives you the ability to remain strong and face each challenge with a confident smile on your face. You’ll feel good about yourself--and nothing (and no one) can defeat that powerful, positive, happy feeling!

Think about it. When’s the last time you indulged in a rollicking bout of laughter? I don’t mean a few snickers, a couple of chuckles or a bit of polite laughter. I’m talking about the kind of laughter that rolls up from deep within the belly. The kind that makes you snort and has tears running down your face and makes you hurt real good inside.

Recently I came across a favorite old book (first published in the 1970s and still available today) that started me on a path of research years ago about the healing effects of laughter. It’s called Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient, written by Norman Cousins. In it he describes how, after receiving a dire “incurable” diagnosis for a crippling illness, he took his health into his own hands.

To make a long story short, ignoring the gloom and doom prognosis, he checked himself out of the hospital and into in a motel where he did nothing but watch the funniest movies and read the funniest books, completely immersing himself in laughter. After a few months of intensive laughter therapy, he’d cured himself. He did the same years later after he suffered a massive heart attack. There’s quite a bit more to Cousins’ story, but that’s the gist of it. I have AS (ankylosing spondylitis), the same illness Cousins had, so you can see where I’d be especially interested in researching laughter therapy. I’ve been happily amazed at my findings--and I’d like to share them with you.

Over the decades numerous scientific studies have been done regarding the remarkable and often surprising power of laughter. It’s been discovered that laughter is a form of aerobic exercise that stimulates heart and blood circulation. Findings show that one minute of laughter is equivalent to ten minutes on the rowing machine. That’s significant! (Are you listening, dieters?)

Thinking about Botox or a facelift to get rid of those wrinkles? Before you go that route, you may want to know that laughter is anti-ageing. Facial muscles are toned by laughing contractions. Blood supply to the face is increased, causing a youthful flush effect. In addition, the increased blood supply nourishes the skin and makes it glow.

Are you single and looking for ways to attract the opposite sex? Keep in mind that people look younger, more attractive and more approachable when they laugh. Think about it. Aren’t you more naturally attracted to someone who’s laughing than someone who’s frowning or looks gloomy?

When you’re around laughter, you can’t help but be infected. Hearing or seeing others laugh makes you laugh and that makes them laugh even more and… Well, you get the idea. It’s the best kind of infection you can possibly get.

Feeling down or depressed? Stiff and achy? You need to build up your endorphins. Endorphins are substances formed in the body that naturally relieve pain. In fact, they have a similar chemical structure to morphine. They’re involved in controlling the body's response to stress, regulating contractions of the intestinal wall and determining mood. In other words, endorphins fight and reduce physical pain as well as depression.

And do you want to take a guess as to what increases endorphins? Yup. Laughter! It’s a bona fide stress buster. Vigorous exercise (you’ve heard of a “runner’s high”) can also do increase endorphins, as can orgasms, but that’s a whole different blog. :-)

My husband and I love watching humorous TV shows like AFV (America’s Funniest Home Videos), or reruns of Whose Line is it Anyway (an innovative and hilarious improv show), etc., because they always make us laugh and we always feel better afterwards. I love watching funny movies and reading comedic books too. As a fulltime writer, the primary reason I write mostly romantic comedy and humorous women’s fiction is that it keeps me feeling good as I work. It actually helps to reduce the pain and inflammation from my AS, which is pretty awesome.

When you find life getting in the way of feeling good--you know, things like bad news on TV and in the newspaper; bills piling up; arthritis acting up; kids driving you crazy; work making you bonkers; diet going to hell; etc., take a break for laughter. It’ll help. I promise.

I’ve included two short videos below of babies laughing. They’ve been around for a while so perhaps you’ve seen them before, but I challenge you not to smile while watching them anyway. Maybe they’ll even make you laugh. Watching these is a reminder of how naturally laughter comes to little children. What a shame we lose some of that marvelous spontaneity and sheer joy of life along life’s path. It’s not hopeless. With a little work we can recapture that magical youthful feeling, through frequent bouts of laughter.

As we embark upon the bustling, food-filled holiday season, why not take some time out for yourself and give yourself the very best holiday gift possible--the gift of rich, bubbly, exuberant, healing and downright magical laughter. And while you’re at it, how about giving the same gift to those you love? I promise it will make the next few months easier and more enjoyable for you and yours. :-D

In need of diet inspiration as well as a generous dose of humor? Be sure to visit my other blog, The Crazy Woman Inside Me.

Daisy’s Sick, Twisted, Vile and Disgusting Halloween Post

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:53:00 +0000

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! It’s time to drag out my annual Halloween post and gross all of you out with my bone-shuddering lack of good taste.

I wrote the first draft of this intentionally revolting Halloween poem in 1984 when I was the art director for a large Chicago-area library. I created a big colorful poster filled with pictures and posted it in a display case with Halloween-related books and decorations in the children’s department. The kids LOVED it. The staid library department heads? Eh, not so much.

No, I didn’t corrupt the library’s wide-eyed, innocent youths. You see, the original version of the poem was much tamer and less twisted. There were no naughty or truly distasteful words. But it was still gross because, hey, that’s what kids like.

Zoom ahead to 2000. I rewrote and lengthened the poem, then boosted the ick-factor and added animated pictures. The resulting Halloween masterpiece was given away as a freebie with the purchase of my novels during the month of October that year. After that, the animated poem became an annual feature on my author blog.

And now, my friends, I’d like to share it with you.

“On Halloween I Think of You” is my admittedly warped idea of an affectionate note written by one witch to another on their favorite holiday.

So, will you find this nasty little poem to be a TRICK or TREAT? In any case, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Caution--really gross stuff ahead. Remember…you’ve been warned!

--Daisy

On Halloween I Think of You

At last, All Hallows Eve is here!
A moment of silence while I shed a tear,
for tonight I cannot bear to be alone
as vultures pick the sinew from my bone.

Yes, on Halloween I think of you,
and lovely piles of doggie doo.
Of thimbles full of birdie piss,
and musty clouds of graveyard mist.

Sweet memories of you are brought to mind,
as on rotted carcasses I drool and dine.
Your putrid breath and rancid kiss
top the list of things I miss.

Like tasty little kitty guts,
and tender bits of roosters' nuts.
Or jars of pickled lizard toes,
and insides of a warthog's nose.

And never shall I e'er forget
the skunk-like fragrance of your sweat.
Or how the sight of you at night
causes children to shriek with fright.

Ah, such sweet memories--how they linger,
as I lick the rat droppings from my finger.
Into my life you ooze like an open sore,
making the pus drain to my very core.

I remember when we feasted on eye of newt
and you thought the wart on my nose was terribly cute.
Remember when we supped on bat-wing stew
and the spider legs became gelatinous goo?

Oh, the desserts we shared were beyond compare.
Mmm, sugared brains on a nest of matted hair.
Or toe-jam whipped into a mousse,
topped with green droppings from a goose.

But best of all the times we dined
was when we vomited into our wine.
Then we got giddy and opened kegs
of fermented juice from rotted eggs.

As I write these words I salivate
upon the skewered larva that rests on my plate.
In front of me sits a cauldron that boils
while I drop in roaches and watch them coil.

My mouth waters and I lick my lips with glee
as I add a vial of worm juice and a cup of pit-bull pee.
Oh how my taste buds squeal and scream
as I stir in maggots that I've whipped into cream.

I'll raise my cup in toast to you
while guzzling down my stinking brew.
And when this wretched note you see,
here's hoping that you'll think of me.

Happy Halloween!

Note: The photo of me above is from 1996 so it’s 13 years old. Of course, I haven’t aged a day since it was taken *cough* so I saw no reason to update it. My hair is no longer this particular shade of green and I rarely wear an eyeball for an earring these days--only when I’m writing paranormal stories. The spiders now occupy a cobweb swaddled wedge of space inside my head along with the throng of other fictional entities crawling around in there. --Daisy

The Small Print: Words and animation © 1984-2009 Daisy Dexter Dobbs/Susan Bodendorfer

The Itsy-bitsy Print: This is a work of fiction (no, really). The characters, incidents and dialogues in this work are products of the author's sick and twisted imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental--and extremely unfortunate for any poor sorry sonuvabitch who sees him/herself in the poem.

Breaking News: Daisy Found Alive and Still Kicking!

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Yes, in case you wondered, I’m still here! And I’m still writing!

This has been one heck of a busy and eventful year. Aside from working diligently on my new women’s fiction manuscript (ooh, it’s turning out really well--so funny!), I’ve been battling serious health issues and, happily, making phenomenal progress. I’ve also been tackling my excess weight, again with fabulous progress (75-pounds so far).

We’ve been hard at work completing long overdue tasks at our house, inside and out, too. Those tasks have two definite advantages. The house looks much spiffier, plus I lose weight from all the exertion, not to mention the buckets of sweat…I mean dewy sheen…I’ve shed.

In June there were the 12 days grueling days it took us to paint my rough-hewn-cedar, tongue-in-groove-paneled office. Trust me when I tell you that was a monumental job.

Then last week we toiled away painting the outside of our wood house, deck and porch. On day 5 we finally completed what we originally figured was a 2-day job. It seems whenever we set out to do something around here we’re way shy of calculating actual time needed. So it ends up sort of like Gilligan’s Island, where they planned on a 3-hour tour that ends up lasting a small eternity.

Now that the painting is all over, every inch of my body is sore, but our house is looking mighty fine. I’m eager for my next weigh-in because I’m sure I’ve lost at least 35-pounds from all the work last week.

If we had vinyl siding, like we did on our house in Chicago, we wouldn’t have to bother with painting. But we live in big timber country here in the Pacific Northwest, where vinyl siding or other variations of “fake wood” are highly frowned upon. If we were wealthy, we’d just hire painters--unfortunately, that’s not the case. We have a big house and it would cost a small fortune to have it professionally painted.

Our contemporary-style house is a nice beigey shade of tan. The people who lived here before us had all the outside trim painted a sickly shade of pale mauve. The same shade was found in the kitchen and master bedroom. Seriously, they must have had a sale on worst paint shade ever that year--ugh! My husband said it reminded him of Pepto Bismol. Thank God it wasn’t nearly that bad, but it was bad enough. I’ve always hated the pinkish color, so I selected a lovely deep shade of chocolate brown instead. It looks so good I was tempted to lick the door jamb as I painted it.

Aside from painting chores, I’ve whipped myself into a de-cluttering frenzy this year and have been going through mountains of my precious junque, donating what I could and throwing the un-donatable stuff away.

The one sure-fire way I can be certain something isn’t in good enough condition to donate is when my husband gives me an incredulous look as I hold up a *ahem* slightly worn outfit and he says, “Jesus, Daisy, are you kidding? A homeless bag lady wouldn’t even wear that.” It’s a little sad that this is usually something I’ve been quite fond of wearing right up until that very moment. Working from home now instead of being out in the corporate world has apparently wreaked havoc on my formerly chic sense of fashion.

Anyway, doing all this de-cluttering is major for a reforming card-carrying packrat like me. I feel as good about letting all that accumulated stuff go as I do about letting go of the 75-pounds I’ve lost so far.

So that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to. Until I can post here more regularly, you can find me at my personal blog, The Crazy Woman Inside Me. There you’ll discover what else has been going on in my life this past year.

Stop by and pay a visit. And while you’re there, please say hello!

Until next time,

--Daisy

I Can Explain…Really I Can

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:45:00 +0000

As many of you have probably noticed, I’ve been pretty much AWOL from this blog lately. When I do blog it’s mostly been at my other blog, The Crazy Woman Inside Me, which follows my personal ongoing journey to health and weight loss. Plus I’ve been lax in visiting your blogs and commenting on them. I’m sorry. I really feel bad about it.

The reason I’ve been absent is because I’m currently rewriting a women’s fiction manuscript that I started in 2006. It’s downright amazing how much my writing has improved and changed in just three years, so I’m pretty much doing a complete rewrite and scrapping tons of what I’d written previously.

Lately I’ve been writing furiously. I’m in one of those perfect almost magical dream places for writers--it’s an imagination-filled place in my head where the creative juices are flowing and the words and ideas flooding my brain just can’t seem to make it to my fingertips fast enough for me to type them all. I’m supremely happy with what I’m writing (it’s a humorous women’s fiction book with four female leads) and feel the need to write as much as I possibly can before that wondrous flow of creativity slows and I find myself staring at a blank screen wondering what in the heck to write.

If I don’t limit my time visiting blogs and Twitter and Facebook and MySpace and all the other major time-suckers for a while, I’ll never get this novel finished. You see, I’m not only a food addict, I’m also addicted to all of those online venues I just mentioned.

So I do hope you’ll forgive me if my blogging is spotty and you don’t see me commenting on your blogs for a while.

You know, there’s one thing that’s always puzzled me. Just how in the heck do you daily bloggers manage to do it? I mean, how do you manage to get a new post up daily, or even every other day, AND still get around to all the other blogs and leave comments AND regularly tweet on Twitter? I think the most I’ve ever managed to do on any of my blogs is two posts in one week. There must be a conspiracy. Yes, that’s it. I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ve been robbed. Somewhere along the line, other people have discovered extra hours in their day and nobody’s clued me in. Instead, the hours in my days just seem to grow shorter and shorter.

Of course, I suppose it might be because I totally suck at time management.

Nah…it couldn’t be that… ;-)

The Crazy Woman Tells about Fat Women and the Horror of Public Bathrooms

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:50:00 +0000

Well it’s finally happened, I’ve been reduced to toilet humor, thanks to Fat Daddy and his fabulous Fat Daddy Rants blog. Today my Crazy Woman alter-ego is guest blogging there on the topic of fat women and The Horror of Public Bathrooms, part 6 of Fat Daddy’s “Not-So-Private Hell of Being Really Really Fat” series.

If you’re a woman who’s ever been fat, then I just know you’ll be able to relate. If you’re a man, get ready for an eye-opening depiction detailing what the overweight women in your life endure whenever they use a public toilet.

It’s funny, it’s sad and it’s all too painfully true.

Please stop by and say hello!

Knitting for Psychos: Hilarious, Disturbing and Highly Creative

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:28:00 +0000

I’m an artist as well as a writer. One of the ways I keep up with what’s going on in the art world is by following Art News Blog. This blog is a selection of visual art news, art reviews and art related stories online. They search the web for some of the more interesting art news stories published each day.

There are always interesting, entertaining and educational posts there but two posts in particular lately really caught my interest--and I guarantee you’ll find them oddly curious too, whether you’re an art lover or not.

What I’m talking about is blood and guts and innards handcrafted out of yarn, and designed to be both endearingly cute as well as somewhat disconcerting. I guess it all depends on your sense of humor as to whether you’ll find these unique knitted objects funny or just plain awful. Memorable? Oh yeah, without question.

As you scroll down the Art News Blog, look for the Friday, July 17 post titled “Knitted Dead Animals (Knitting for Psychos)”, complete with a few photos like this one:

and also a link to the artist’s flickr page with a few more photos of her very unusual creations there.

A day earlier, on Thursday, July 16, there’s a post titled “Roadkill Toys” with photos and a link to the British company called RoadKillToys.com that sells some rather unique toys.

See what you think. Do you find these knitted art creations to be hilariously funny, appallingly disturbing or maybe a head-scratching combination of the two?
~~~~~~~~~~
Have you visited my alter-ego’s personal diet and weight-loss blog called “The Crazy Woman Inside Me” yet?

Recently I blogged about bloggers who just disappear and how I wonder and worry about what happened to them. Before that I spilled my guts in a post titled Confessions of a Closet Binge Eater. In another post I tell how I was caught red-handed with my hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, in Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. And you’ll also learn about my trials and tribulations as I faced The Dastardly Horrors of Water Retention.

Stop by and say hello--and learn all about the other (even crazier) side of Daisy Dexter Dobbs!

Your Last Chance to Own Just Like a Dame Before it Goes Out of Print!

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 07:16:00 +0000

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"
--The White Rabbit (in Disney’s version of Alice in Wonderland)

There’s still time--but the clock is ticking! Don’t be like the White Rabbit, who might have been too late to secure his very own copy of Just Like a Dame. As of August 1, 2009, this hot and hilarious battle of the sexes--a thorny love story of two people who are all wrong for each other and find themselves thrown together--will no longer be available for purchase.

What’s this sexy, sassy book all about?

When veterinarian Max Wiley is wrenched from an erotic dream by a commotion at the front door, he barges downstairs, baseball bat in hand, prepared to defend himself, his home, and his three-legged dog.

One glimpse of the frantic, half-naked woman causing the racket has Max abandoning his weapon. But when the curvy blonde bursts in, wailing about killing some guy, Max reconsiders.

Misunderstandings abound until he realizes the ditzy dame with an attitude is a neighbor--who’s come to him in a professional capacity. How the hell can he be expected to tend to a canine emergency at three a.m. when her big mouth and voluptuous body keep clouding his thinking?

Angel Brewster finds it hard to believe that any man could be as dense, insensitive or chauvinistic as Dr. Max Wiley. Not to mention exasperating, opinionated and so damned sexy she can’t think straight. She most certainly shouldn’t be considering carnal scenarios when her dog’s life is in jeopardy.

Matters only get worse when Max discovers Angel is the lead columnist for a feminist magazine--and she learns that he writes hardboiled sexist crime fiction on the side.

And they can’t keep their hands off each other.

If that back cover blurb tickles your fancy, if it makes you eager to spice up your days while reading at the beach, or urges you to relax over a cool drink on a balmy summer’s night while reading a good book, then look no further than these links:

Get the ebook directly from Samhain Publishing’s book store, MBAM (MyBookstoreAndMore).

Prefer paper? You can find the paperback from Amazon.com.

Have a Kindle? You can get the Kindle edition from Amazon too.

If you’d like to learn more about the book, you’ll find an excerpt from chapter one, my author book notes, and snippets from all the reviews on the Just Like a Dame page on my website.

When I heard that Mickey Spillane had died at 88, several days before the release of Just Like a Dame in print, I felt like I’d lost an old friend. I learned a lot about the man and his work (as well as other writers of pulp fiction) while doing research for my book. Here’s the July 2006 blog post I wrote about me and Mickey and our books.

If you’re in need of a good chuckle, I think you’ll enjoy this fun-filled, wild and crazy blog post I wrote (titled Just Like a Dame--Proven Aphrodisiac and Miraculous Health Cure!) when Just Like a Dame was initially released in April of 2006.

Remember…avoid the dreaded White Rabbit syndrome and get your very own copy today!

A Bright, Sunshiny New Office for Daisy!

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:54:00 +0000

Oh boy have I been busy the past couple of weeks! My husband took a week off from work, which ended up turning into two weeks because our three day painting and redecorating job actually took us twelve days. Yikes!

I’ve posted all about the daunting task on my Crazy Woman blog, complete with before and after pics, as well as the most horrendous photos of me that only a true crazy woman would ever post of herself. Tsk…I’m still amazed that I posted those eyesore photos, but I did.

Ahhh…this winter, when it’s dark, gloomy and rainy here in Portland, I’ll be basking in the sunshiny pale butter-yellow walls with snow white trim of my newly redecorated office. Life is good.

You can find out more on my The Crazy Woman Inside Me blog.

What’s Red and White and Makes Daisy Shudder?

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Mon, 18 May 2009 10:56:00 +0000

I’ve posted a cringe-worthy new tale of gag-reflexology (not sure, but I think I just coined a cool new term--LOL) on my crazy woman blog.

You see, I came across a plastic bag full of Weight Watchers-related stuff like point calculators, booklets, my weight records and my food journals from the last time I attended WW a couple of years ago. One section of my journal detailed my strict adherence to the program through the holiday season from Halloween through the new year. And there, adorned with my grisly red-ink doodling of dripping blood and screaming faces, was the page I’d written about…(*drum roll*)…The Beef Fat Incident. As I read my notes, my thoughts were immediately hurled back to my childhood where my sorrowful history with beef first started…

Oh it’s a memorable story indeed (if I do say so myself)! If you’d like to find out what happened, pop over to my latest post, “The Beef Fat Incident (Oh the Horror, the Horror!)” on The Crazy Woman Inside Me blog.

Not Dead, Hopefully Not Forgotten

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:31:00 +0000

Oh dear, I’ve been AWOL here for a while, haven’t I? Sorry. Just wanted to let you all know I’m still alive and kicking and I sure hope you haven’t forgotten me!

I have been quite active online, actually, with my personal blog The Crazy Woman Inside Me and my personal Twitter account at http://twitter.com/MyCrazyWoman. There’s a good reason why I’ve been focusing most of my attention there instead of here lately--because I’m in the vitally important process of transforming my health and my life, little by little, one step at a time.

I’ve blogged here so many times about my endless diets and diet disasters that I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I’m a yoyo dieter, compulsive overeater, battle food addictions and am just a plain old foodaholic and chocoholic. But something I don’t blog about as “Daisy” is the very serious health crisis and struggle I’ve been dealing with for years. It caught up to me last year and I was faced with a life-altering decision.

You can learn about it in the new ”A Single Defining Moment that Changed Susan's Life” post on my personal blog.

If you’re having a difficult time with diet, food compulsion, facing a serious health issue, or just having a hard time with life in general, I encourage you to read this post. I do believe it will inspire you, at least that’s my hope. If you like the post, please leave a comment there or here to let me know.

Many thanks,

--Daisy

Can You See Me Now?

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:51:00 +0000

I found this wonderful video and had to share it with you. A lot of work went into creating this fabulous trick. Here's what's going on--the mirror in a women's public restroom was replaced with a plain sheet of non-mirrored glass. Then a set of identical twins took their positions in identical rooms opposite each other.

Watch what happens when none of the women in the restroom can see themselves in the mirror. Very funny! The video isn't in English (I think it's German) but no language is necessary, believe me.

(If you can't see the embedded video above, you can view it on YouTube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG1-nehyQYg&feature=player_embedded)

This week on my crazy woman blog you'll find a post titled Caught Red-Handed by the Diet Police! Or, perhaps it should be called Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. :-0 This is a cringe-worthy post from my alter ego that I'm sure most yoyo dieters will be able to relate to quite well!

How is it Possible to be Organized and Disorganized at the Same Time?

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:32:00 +0000

I'm no Suzy Homemaker. I'm about as far removed from being a domestic goddess type as one can possibly get. However, since I'm married to Mr. Clean, a man who actually likes to clean, my house looks pretty darn good.

That's not to say I'm completely without any talent in the domestic realm. I'm a great, intuitive cook. I'm simply sensational with interior design. I'm amazing at creating an array of imaginative artwork for my home. And I even do dishes. Aside from that, I'm a lazy, lousy, disorganized, disinterested housekeeper and a struggling-to-reform packrat.

My desk is full of stacks of paper that my husband is just itching to toss so he can make a nicer, cleaner working environment for me. I tried to explain to him that I like my haphazard home office. Those stacks of papers with their meaningless scribbles that mean nothing to me now somehow give me a warm, safe sense of comfort. Mr. Clean thinks that's crazy. I don't dispute that. It's just how I am.

Mike and I have discussed the merits of organization and how it makes life easier (his philosophy, not mine). I've always been spontaneous, while he's a methodical planner. As they say, opposites attract.

But you know what? I'm not nearly as organized as I thought I was (or as my husband thinks I am).

I discovered that when I created another blog recently (The Crazy Woman Inside Me). Since it's a personal blog about my decades of dieting and my quest to lose the weight once and for all and keep it off forever, I'm writing it under my real name. My inner crazy woman also has a Facebook page, a website and she Twitters, just like Daisy. Between my real name and my penname, that's a lot of stuff to monitor and keep track of.

Interestingly enough, as I worked on creating the graphics (I do all my own) and the web design (I'm my own web mistress) and profile information and all the rest, it dawned on me that the folders and subfolders on my computer are perfectly, precisely neat and exceedingly organized. Why, they're almost downright geek-like in their systematized structure.

And so today here I sit at my messy desk, an anomaly, wondering just what in the hell all of this says about my mental state.

On second thought…I don't think I really want to know! :-0

~~~~~

Speaking of my alter ego's blog, today's post there is titled A Wicked Pre-Diet Chocolate Binge and Weight Loss Fantasies. It's revealing and funny. Stop by and say hello!

Failing at Maintaining a Flawless Image

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 07:19:00 +0000

Do you ever find yourself getting depressed after looking at those gorgeous models, actresses or celebrities on magazine covers, or perhaps the sexy models in catalogs like Victoria's Secret? I imagine most of us normal, average women have at one point or another.

It's tough to be bombarded with all those perfect, flawless women with the long, slender thighs we wish we had, the itty-bitty waists we'd kill for, the long, graceful necks and perfectly sculpted cheekbones, etc. We look at them and then we look at ourselves and then we do what any rational, normal woman would do under the circumstances--we head for the freezer for a pint of ice cream. The perfect tranquilizer.

But you know what? Those seemingly faultless, ideal, ever-so-perfect women in those photo shoots aren't really what they appear to be at all. They've been Photoshopped!

I really enjoy following the Photoshop Disasters: http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/ blog. They post published magazine and catalog photos people send in that have been botched. Most of the errors are pretty easy to spot but sometimes they're more difficult.

The careless graphic artists who manipulated the photographs give all of us normal women with average bodies a special peak into how imperfect models suddenly become flawless in those magazine shoots. Some of the mistakes they make while altering the images are seriously laughable. And the fact that the photos were published that way means there are plenty of people not doing their jobs right. You'll see what I mean after you scroll through a few pages of the photos posted in the Photoshop Disasters blog.

It's a crime the way average women strive to attain impossible silhouettes. Maybe if more women saw how those “perfect” women on magazine covers are really created, we'd all feel better about ourselves and our normal, non-perfect, womanly bodies.

~~~~~

Speaking of non-perfect bodies, I just posted a new article on my alter ego's blog, The Crazy Woman Inside Me. It's called The Diet Susan is on and Why She Chose it. I talk about things that I rarely discuss here, like the AS (ankylosing spondylitis), my autoimmune condition, and how it's changed my life. Stop by and say hello!

The Crazy Woman Inside Me

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:58:00 +0000

The Crazy Woman Inside Me

My final diet, the diet to end all diets, started Thursday, April 2. I’m on a medically supervised fast. That means I’ll eat no solid food for six months. I’ve done it before. It works. What didn’t work was me, because I thought I was too smart to bother with the maintenance program. *sigh*

Anyway, while preparing for the fast, I decided my journey to a lean, fit, healthy body would be much easier if I blogged about it and connected with other dieters. But I wanted to blog about it as the real me.

So, dear readers, allow me to introduce myself. The real Daisy Dexter Dobbs is Susan Bodendorfer, and my brand new blog is called The Crazy Woman Inside Me! The subtitle is: Help! There’s a Crazy Woman Inside me who Wants me FAT!

If you're a yoyo dieter or foodaholic, you’ll definitely be able to relate. I hope you’ll come visit me there and say hello (and get to know Daisy’s alter ego)! The Crazy Woman Inside Me: http://thecrazywomaninsideme.blogspot.com/

Wish me (and the crazy woman inside me) luck!

--Daisy/Susan

UPDATE: I’ve had some emails from readers who were worried about me drinking nothing but water for 6 months, so I wanted to clarify what I mean by medically supervised fast. Don’t worry—I’m not that crazy. LOL I’m using HMR and Optifast, which are protein supplements, and taking in between 800-1000 calories per day.

Oh Those Crazy Women Drivers!

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:29:00 +0000

Thanks so very much for all the nice comments and congratulatory messages for my anniversary here as well as on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and via email last week. I truly appreciate your kind words and good wishes! My husband and I had a lovely and memorable celebration.

Forgive me for being so spotty with my blogging of late, dear readers. Things are a little crazy busy right now and I haven’t had time to write a regular post.

Ah, but I’ve found some fabulous timewasters to make you smile until things settle down and I can get back to normal…well, as normal as I get, anyway. ;-)

Today I’m sharing a wickedly funny YouTube video of really, really bad women drivers. Seriously, it’s hilarious! Now what I’d like to find is a similar video featuring equally terrible male drivers. I’ve seen them on the road so I know they sure as hell do exist!

Here’s the direct URL just in case you’re unable to view the embedded video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZlhpfCdyS4

Until next time, remember...laughter is the music of the soul.

--Daisy

Daisy Celebrates a Milestone Wedding Anniversary

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 19:22:00 +0000

Once upon a time, on a March 22nd, long, long ago, Daisy and Mike got married. Daisy was just nineteen and Mike had just turned twenty.

We were kids...babies (and baby boomers). We both came from dysfunctional families filled with mental illness, suicide, divorce, alcoholism, depression, abuse and more. Mike and I managed to maintain enough sanity along with our fair share of craziness to become determined survivors. The odds against us staying married for more than a few years were just short of astronomical.

Lots of our friends got married around the same time we did. Most of them came from happy Father Knows Best type families. They all got divorced within 10 to 20 years. Many of them remarried--and then got divorced again.

We didn’t.

Today we’re celebrating a milestone anniversary. How long have we been married? Years. Decades. Longer than many of my readers have been alive. Funny thing--it just keeps getting better and better. I was fortunate to find my true soul mate when I was still in high school--and to recognize him as such. Those first years of marriage were tough, bumpy, short on money and filled with angst (mostly due to our interfering families). But we not only managed to survive, we thrived.

I’m here to tell you today that it’s truly possible to have a long, lasting and ultimately very happy marriage. A happy marriage is not something that just happens. Luck has nothing to do with it. It takes plenty of hard work, lots of love, resolve and spirit.

Ours is an unconditional love. Mike has been my greatest supporter and has encouraged me through my gazillion diets, my many career changes and so much more.

After we were married for five years we decided to have a baby. It was the best decision we ever made, besides getting married. Our baby is a beautiful, talented, exceptional young woman today and the three of us are the closest of friends.

I am a very happy, very fortunate woman.

In March of 2006 I wrote a blog post dedicated to my husband titled Daisy’s Perfect Man. It’s not only a funny story, it’s also true. You can find it here: http://daisydexterdobbs.blogspot.com/2006/03/daisys-perfect-man.html

Yesterday I went for a trip down memory lane, searching for YouTube videos I might want to include with this anniversary post. I found six that sparked happy memories and really made me smile. I hope they’ll make you smile too.

The first three are music videos from when Mike and I were still wee little tykes in grade school--Monster Mash, Purple People Eater and Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor (Ooh eee ooh aah aah) doesn’t actually have any real video, it’s just the song. I used this one because it’s the only version of the original I could find (the Chipmunks version most of you might remember came later).

The last three music videos were favorite songs of ours when we were in high school--Day Tripper (The Beatles), Monday Monday (Mamas and Papas), and White Rabbit (Jefferson Airplane).

(I’ve included URLs to click on for each video in case you can’t see the embedded videos.)

Enjoy--and thanks for celebrating with me!

Monster Mash: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0thH3qnHTbI

Purple People Eater: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9H_cI_WCnE

Witch Doctor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0_-9OI-1QE

Day Tripper: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2UYRoti-tY

Monday Monday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7KrlDZ5Hkw

White Rabbit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quhj6PEboCU (no sound during intro but don’t worry--it starts when they come on stage)

An Irish Soda Bread Rant

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:30:00 +0000

My paternal grandmother was Irish, complete with the heavy brogue, wry sense of humor, fun-loving spirit, ever-present twinkle in her eye and arsenal of favorite recipes from “the mother country” as she called her home in the South of Ireland. Her name was Daisy. She so inspired me as a child that there was no question about what name I wanted to use when choosing my pseudonym years ago.

I was a foodie even as a child and I found such enjoyment in the unusual-to-me from-scratch foods my grandma cooked. One of my favorites was what she called griddle bread. It was somewhat similar to what we Americans know as Irish soda bread, but it was fried slowly on a stove-top griddle instead of being baked in the oven (when cut into quarter-round pieces before cooking it’s sometimes referred to as farl). It was dense and filling with a great crust and soooo delicious plain or slathered with a bit of butter. My waistline was never the same after that first memorable bite.

The closest thing to griddle bread I’ve found commercially are the ubiquitous loaves of Irish soda bread available everywhere during the month of March for St. Patrick’s Day. But…and this is a big but, few of those retail breads come close to the real thing because of additions of sugar, currants, caraway seed, eggs, whiskey, shortening or other ingredients that simply aren’t used when making soda bread in Ireland.

On the way home from our little anniversary trip to the Oregon coast, my husband and I stopped by Fred Meyer to pick up a few groceries. I need to explain here that Fred Meyer is relatively new to me. We didn’t have them back in Chicagoland, where I lived most of my life. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Fred Meyer, I guess you could say they’re sort of like Target, except with a huge, full-service grocery store. While my husband loves Fred Meyer (because it’s on his way home from work), I’m more of a Trader Joe’s girl.

That said, we stopped in and I saw a counter with loaves of Irish soda bread. Oooooooh….. My eyes brightened and I began salivating in anticipation of sinking my teeth into a dense, buttered slice of goodness. The loaves had raisins in them and I prefer my soda bread without, but there wasn’t an option of plain or with raisins as I’ve seen in some stores. Okay, no big deal. I could live with that.

This morning as I waited for my Starbuck’s Komodo Dragon to brew I tore open the soda bread’s cellophane bag. The bread didn’t feel right. The crust felt oddly grainy. What I thought was a dusting of flour turned out to be cornmeal. Dear God, they had dusted the entire loaf with cornmeal! Whatever would possess their bakers to do such a ridiculous thing?

Dazed, I cut into the loaf. Before my knife even made it through the entire cut I knew I was in for a disappointment. It didn’t feel like soda bread. It didn’t smell like soda bread. It didn’t slice like soda bread. It was NOT Irish soda bread. And I was majorly miffed.

I checked the label and noticed that this bread from Fred Meyer’s in-house bakery was actually called Irish soda loaf instead of bread. I dunno, maybe that should have been a clue. Then I checked the reeeeeeally long list of ingredients and, nestled among the exceedingly wordy list of unpronounceable chemicals, I saw yeast. Yeast!!! Irish soda bread isn’t supposed to have any yeast in it. It’s leavened with baking soda, thus the name soda bread. Don’t their bakers know yeast obliterates the unique taste of soda-raised bread? I kept reading and saw that baking soda was finally listed toward the end of the list. It seemed like a mere afterthought.

So what I had was basically a round loaf of ordinary raisin bread that had some baking soda added to the recipe. It did make good raisin bread toast but it could not by any stretch of the imagination be considered soda bread. Not even close. There was no crumb, none of that scone-like goodness store-bought soda bread usually offers.

If you’re not a foodie like me you may be wondering why I’m making such a big deal over a lousy loaf of seasonal bread. Perhaps if I explain that I’m starting my new Diet-to-end-all-Diets in about two weeks (on April 2nd) you’ll more easily understand my outrage, my disappointment, frustration and distress. That loaf of soda bread was to be one of the final tastes of favorite foods that I may have to stay away from after the diet because it falls into the category of trigger foods for me. For me, a trigger food is one that I have a helluva hard time staying away from once I start eating it, plus it usually leads me to wolf down other carby goodies that pack on excess weight.

So, for those of you Fred Meyer shoppers who may be unfamiliar with Irish soda bread. What you’re buying there isn’t the real deal. It’s plain old raisin bread with some baking soda tossed in.

I should have just purchased the ingredients I needed and baked a lovely round loaf of soda bread myself--or, better yet, turned it into griddle bread--but I was tired after our long drive home and just wanted a quick fix, a lip-licking morsel of instant satisfaction with my morning coffee. Was that really too much to ask for? Apparently, yes.

If you live in the Portland Oregon area and want some good Irish soda bread without yeast and chemical additives, go to New Seasons Market and get a loaf from their bakery. It comes plain or with currants. Or, better yet, bake a loaf for yourself because it’s so easy to do. Google Irish soda bread recipe and you’ll find lots of good, simple recipes, both traditional and Americanized.

If you’re interested in the real deal, honest-to-goodness Irish brown bread the way it’s made in Ireland with flour, baking soda, salt, and buttermilk (or soured milk), then you might like to visit an interesting website I found while searching this morning. Grandma Daisy would give it a thumbs-up for sure. It’s called Society for the Preservation of Irish Soda Bread and can be found here: http://www.sodabread.info/. They also have a Facebook group page here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=112829595160

Never tried Irish soda bread? You’re missing one of life’s great simple gustatory pleasures. Treat yourself to some today.

Impotence of Proofreading, Richard Simmons, and Daisy’s Anniversary

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 15:34:00 +0000

I’m about to head off for a long weekend with my husband at the Oregon coast to celebrate our wedding anniversary. (It’s not until March 22 but we’re going a week early to avoid spring breakers.) I won’t be back at the computer until Tuesday morning so, in my absence, I wanted to leave you with two of my favorite, very funny videos.

You may have seen one or both of them before but if you love them as much as I do, you’ll enjoy watching them again and injecting a shot laughter into your day.

The first video is called The Impotence of Proofreading. I think both writers and readers will find this amusing and be able to relate. The second video features a Richard Simmons guest spot on one of my all time favorite TV shows, Whose Line is it Anyway? It’s Richard as you’ve never seen him before!

(If you can’t see the embedded video above, you can view it at this YouTube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OonDPGwAyfQ)

(If you can’t see the embedded video above, you can view it at this YouTube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k)

See you next week!

--Daisy

A Little Something for Baby Boomers

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 18:48:00 +0000

My daughter is home from her month-long trip to India and we’re getting together this weekend to hear all about her amazing adventures, look at her fabulous photos, sample some recipes she learned in a cooking class there and, most important, smother her with ample hugs and kisses.

In the meantime, I’m posting a video that really made me laugh. It features Louis CK, a comic I’d never heard of before, during his visit to Conan O’Brien’s show. I think his funny tirade on the modern generation versus those of us who grew up as baby boomers will make people of any age smile. After seeing this I’m going to check out more of this comic’s work.

Enjoy!

(If you can’t view the embedded video, visit this URL to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus)

An Addiction that Doesn’t Cause Liver Failure: Advice for Aspiring Writers

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:39:00 +0000

Having worked in the publishing field in one capacity or another for many years, I’ve received lots of correspondence from aspiring writers asking for advice. Sometimes, depending on my schedule, it may take me a long while to respond, but I always do eventually. For two reasons. First, I remember what it feels like to be a hopeful new writer filled with questions and concerns and so eager for a little guidance. Second, I’m a believer in paying kindness forward--someone helps me, I help someone else, they help another, and so on.

In this post I’ve combined answers to a few of the most frequent questions I receive. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, a newly published writer or perhaps a seasoned writer with questions, I hope you’ll find something helpful here.

Any advice I offer is based on my own personal experience and perspective. What works for one writer may not work for another. I don’t have all the answers--I can only tell you what has worked for me.

That said, I believe the single most important thing any writer can do to improve skills and increase chances for publication is to read, read, read. The second most important thing is to write. A lot.

That advice is meant for brand new writers as well as those who are multi-published. At any stage of a writer’s career, frequent reading is crucial to help keep on top of what’s being published as far as subject matter, style, feel, trends, sub-genres, etc. Writers can learn innumerable intricacies about the craft of writing while reading the works of others. Reading poorly written and/or edited books is just as helpful as reading excellent work because the writer quickly learns what not to do.

Through continued reading, writers soon understand what published authors, agents, editors and reviewers mean when they refer to a writer’s voice; sagging middles; hooks; proper dialogue tags; understanding the difference between grammar usage in narrative versus dialogue; purple prose; passive voice; head-hopping; character-driven stories; too-stupid-to-live heroines and much, much more.

Reading is also one of life’s greatest pleasures. There’s nothing like being whisked away for a grand escapist adventure when you most need it. I’ve been addicted to the joys of reading as long as I can remember. After instilling the love of reading in my daughter at a very early age, today she’s just as addicted to the written word as her mother (maybe even more).

As far as addictions go, reading is a fine one to have. No dastardly, sneaky calories and no nasty, harmful side effects--like liver failure. Of course, if your reading addiction causes you to spend too much money on books, you could conceivably lose your house and possessions. But your liver should still be healthy.

Writers often tell me they don’t like reading the work of others in their chosen genre because they’re afraid they may inadvertently copy another writer’s style or voice. Don’t worry about that. While your first few written works may indeed have similarities to works by famous authors, you’ll soon find your own distinct voice. It’s there. Just keep writing and it will eventually emerge. Practice, practice, practice.

I shake my head and tsk when writers tell me they simply do NOT have time to read and get their writing done too. Baloney. We’re all busy. I highly doubt most published writers are independently wealthy with a full staff to take care of household chores or act as social secretaries. Trust me. You can find the time in your day to read if you really want to--if you’re really serious about getting published. It’s called discipline and time management.

No excuses. I don’t care if you’ve got a fulltime job, six kids, a demanding husband, in-laws giving you grief, neighbors and friends who demand your time, or anything else to complain about. If you dream of becoming a writer you need to pay your dues. That includes reading books in your chosen genre as well as other genres. Consider it compulsory homework.

How important are your dreams, anyway? If you can’t or won’t commit to doing what’s necessary to build and polish your writing skills, well then perhaps you need to discard that dream. Maybe it’s not as important as you thought. It all depends on how much you want something. If you want it enough, you’ll find a way to fit in five minutes here and there for yourself.

I believe many aspiring writers who claim not to have the time to read (or write) use being busy as an excuse because they’re actually afraid of failure. They know if they finally take the time to do what’s necessary, instead of just talking about it, they’ll have their book written and ready to submit for publication. That scares the bejeezus out of some writers because they’re overly worried about rejection. I have news for you. If you’re a writer you’re going to come face-to-face with rejection sooner or later--if not from an agent or editor, then perhaps from readers or reviewers.

And it hurts. No doubt about it. Dealing with rejection is not easy (and that’s a whole different blog topic) but you get through it and you keep on writing and submitting and improving your skills. No matter how well you write, not everyone is going to love what you’ve written. Period. Some people might even think you or what you’ve written sucks. That’s just one of the tribulations creative people face. The writers who ultimately succeed are those who continue to learn and grow and who never, ever give up. Rejection isn’t pleasurable but, like reading, it won’t rob you of your liver. There, now doesn’t that make you feel better?

I’m a great proponent of the law of attraction, and of belief combined with action. In other words, you can be whatever you want to be, as long as you truly believe you can, AND you’re willing to do the work it takes to accomplish it. Basically, it’s the basis of The Secret. If you haven’t yet watched the video or read the book, give it a try. Yes, some of it’s corny. The principles covered are certainly nothing new and they’re really quite basic and simple. But it works. The information has been around forever and people have been using these principles to achieve personal success for centuries.

Henry Ford said, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” That means, if you believe you can achieve something, then you can. And if you don’t believe you can achieve it, then you can’t—because you don’t believe it’s possible. So simple and yet so profound. Writers, or anyone else, become their own worst enemies by not believing in themselves.

Anything is possible. If you want to make a fulltime living at writing, then start by believing you can. And be prepared to do whatever work is needed to make that belief become a reality. That involves plenty of reading; being a prolific writer; working long hours when you don’t feel like it; constantly honing and improving your writing skills; networking; marketing; and much more. But if you want it, you CAN make it happen. You just have to want it enough. Personally, I apply this same philosophy to most everything in my life. And so far I still have my liver, so I know it works.

Since I touched on the subject of believing in yourself, that brings to mind another important bit of advice. Be nice, smart, cautious and professional.

Steer clear of negative people, specifically those who are quick to tell you something is impossible, or that, for whatever reason, you’re incapable of achieving your dreams. Don’t let yourself get contaminated by their negativity or disapproval. Be careful of encountering outright cruel individuals in critique groups or online venues. Ignore what they tell you.

Distance yourself from writers who are clearly envious of other writers’ success. They’re poison. Don’t associate with writers who belittle or ridicule fellow writers behind their backs. I continue to be amazed at how many hateful, green-eyed writers I’ve encountered through the years. Honestly, what are they thinking when they send me emails whining, complaining and gossiping about other writers simply because the other writer has become a successful bestselling author? Sheesh! Don’t fool yourself--if they’re spreading malicious gossip about someone else, chances are they’re talking about you too. That’s the way resentful people work.

It’s true what they say about strength in numbers. Don’t count yourself among the mean kids. Stick with the nice kids. You’ll be much happier and more successful. Trust me on this.

Beware of writers who refuse to share their personal tips or strategies for success when asked. Too many writers, even many seasoned ones, are so insecure they believe that closing the ranks and keeping out the newbie writers will make it easier for them to stay on top. That’s so sad. And so wrong. If you’ve got skill, talent, creativity and imagination, you’re never going to suffer because you’ve helped someone else succeed. Being selfish when you have the opportunity to reach out and help someone who needs it isn’t going to make you successful and it sure as hell won’t make you happy. So be nice. Pay kindnesses forward. You reap what you sow. You attract what you think about. (Well, how about that for a bunch of clichés strung together? LOL)

Unhappy, insecure, miserable, depressing, pessimistic people are insidious, like cancer. Once they get their hold, they’re hard as hell to get rid of. It’s painfully easy to get infected with their negative, doomsayer way of thinking. Regrettably, many of us will need to continually battle the naysayers to keep ourselves confident, positive and optimistic.

Again, it all comes down to simple, age-old principles, like the golden rule. It’s so much more beneficial to you, to your liver, and to everyone else and their livers, to be kind.

In the future I’ll post more on the subject of FAQs (frequently asked questions) that I’ve received from writers over the years. If you have questions about writing, feel free to contact me at DaisyDexterDobbs at gmail dot com. It might take some time for me to respond, but I promise I will--even if it’s to let you know that I’m adding your question to others for a future blog post where it will be answered. If you write expecting me to “dish dirt” on my fellow writers, editors, agents, publishers or anyone else, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.

NOTE: Due to time constraints as well as possible legal ramifications, I am unable to read or give advice on any unpublished manuscripts. Thanks for your understanding.

Feel free to post your questions, or your own advice, in the comments section. I’ll gather what’s there to use in a future post.

Happy reading and writing!

A Thief in the Night

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 08:30:00 +0000

It’s a busy time for me right now with all sorts of stuff going on, including preparations for my daughter’s return from her month-long trip to India in a week. I can’t wait to see her and hear all about it!

The bad news is that, with things being this hectic, there’s little time to write coherent, much less interesting, blog posts.

The good news is that it gives you guys a nice break from my usual long, wordy posts!

I appreciate my readers more than ever because they’ve been making blogging easier for me during this busy time by sending some marvelous little funnies via email. I love it! The following cute joke really made me smile. I think you’ll enjoy it too.

A Thief in the Night…
A burglar broke into a home one night. As he shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, he heard a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

Nearly jumping out of his skin, he clicked his flashlight off and froze. After a while when he heard nothing more he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out to disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?” the burglar whispered to the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot squawked. "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? And what is your name?"

"Moses," the bird said.

"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Upcoming Mergers and Consolidations

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:56:00 +0000

One of my readers sent this cute, clever bit of humor to me. It certainly made me smile so I wanted to share it with you too . . .

With all of the turmoil in the stock market today, the collapse of Lehman Bros. and the acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America, perhaps we can expect a rash of additional mergers and consolidations in the coming months, such as:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Zesta Crackers join forces and become Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will consolidate with Goodyear and become MMM Good.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will come together as Zip Audi Do Da.

5. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become Fairwell Honeychild.

6. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to form Poupon Pants.

7. Fed Ex will join its competitor UPS and become FedUP.

The Skewed Evolution of Beauty

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 18:05:00 +0000

In previous posts I’ve talked (maybe fumed would be a better word) about body image and the unattainable ideal of beauty that’s continually foisted upon us by the media and then embraced by society. The problem goes far beyond trying to whittle down healthy bodies meant to wear a size ten so they can be squeezed into a size zero.

Our quest for attractiveness also involves attaining perfect teeth and faultless hair. Of course, the banishment of every wrinkle or crease is paramount. The only acceptable lips are those with just the right amount of plumpness dictated by what’s “in” this season. Perfect proportion is sought for face, neck, shoulders, eyes and every other part of the body. The preferred perennial perkiness of oversized breasts necessitates surgical enhancement.

And the list goes on and on until, I swear to God, I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore for fear of turning to stone from viewing the abject hideousness of my imperfect reflection.

With that happy thought in mind . . .

I found three videos related to this topic that I’d like to share with you. The first is known as Dove Evolution (Dove soap and beauty products), produced by The Dove Self-Esteem Fund. At the end of the video we’re told, No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted, which is clearly and painfully evident as you’ll see.

Oh how much less stressful life would be if only we could Photoshop our real-life selves!

This next video is a fabulous parody of the first. It’s called Slob Evolution and it’s guaranteed to make you giggle.

Finally, we have another parody. This one is called Drinking Evolution and should be a warning to all those who imbibe!

Enjoy, fellow imperfect ones!
(Apologies if you are, indeed, perfect.)

My Daughter’s Month Long Adventure in India

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:23:00 +0000

In March of 2007, just before she left for a fabulous three-week trip to Japan, I blogged about my daughter Jen’s passion for travel. Along with this cute animation I created from a photo of Jen riding a camel in Morocco (she was there on 9-11), I also included some photos from a few of her other journeys. (I had to use the camel animation again here because it makes me giggle each time I see it.)

When I say Jen has a passion for travel, I’m not kidding. She’s been to Mongolia, where she slept in a tent in the Gobi Desert; China, where she was offered lizards on a stick for lunch and climbed the Great Wall; Thailand where she ate mystery meat; Australia, where she discovered addictively delicious Tim Tams; New Zealand, where she climbed a glacier; Austria, where she went paragliding around the Alps; Japan, where she had constant encounters with unintentionally funny and badly butchered English; to France, where she nibbled on a chocolate-filled croissant and sipped coffee at an outdoor café in Paris; to Belgium, where she purchased a big box of chocolates for me (yum!) and carried it around in her backpack until she got back home; to England, Ireland, Russia, the Czech Republic, Morocco and so many other destinations I can barely keep track.

Well she’s off again! Last Friday morning my husband and I dropped Jen off at the airport at five o’clock for a month-long trip to India. She was in the air for more than twenty-hours, total before arriving in Delhi, where she met the other members in her tour group. Her birthday is in a few days and this trip is her gift to herself. Like her past trips, this one is purposely no luxury touristy vacation. She’ll be seeing the “real” India, not just the parts most Western vacationers see.

India is 13 1/2-hours ahead of us. In the short time she’s been there she’s already enjoyed dozens of rich experiences. She’s sipped from a steaming cup of masala chai tea at a little stall on a maze-like road in Old Delhi. She visited a Sikh temple where they serve free meals to anyone who comes in, regardless of caste or religion. She got to help make the food, which included kneeling on the ground and rolling out bread dough. She’s explored a spice market with its pungent and exotic fragrances.

During this adventurous trip she’ll also visit the majestic Taj Mahal; go Bengal tiger spotting; sway high above the ground on a camel safari; take a boat trip on the Ganges; visit colorful Jaipur; have overnight stays in castles and forts; see holy rivers and erotic temples; swathe herself in silk at city bazaars; explore the temples of Orchha; ride around in auto rickshaws and cycle rickshaws; and much more.

I’m so proud of my brave, adventurous, beautiful, spirited daughter. But you’ve probably guess that already. Her dad and I have always encouraged her to pursue her dreams, and that she definitely has! She works hard all year at a fulltime job and, after rent and bills, saves her money so she can take memorable trips like this one to India every couple of years or so.

She’s thoroughly enjoying the authentic Indian cuisine (including tasty garlic naan bread), but thinks she just may have to stop in at one of the McDonalds restaurants in India, just to see what it’s like. I suggested she avoid asking, “Where’s the beef?” LOL While the McDonalds Indian menu is at least fifty-percent vegetarian, they do have their own version of the Big Mac, called the Maharaja Mac. And, no, I’m not kidding about the name. When it first debuted it was a mutton burger. It has since been changed to a chicken burger due to customer preference.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of India, I’ve got to share something with you that drives me a little crazy…

Have you heard of Mumbai? Kolkata? Chennai? They’re places in India that used to be called Bombay, Calcutta and Madras.

As a fan of the old Bewitched TV show, I can’t imagine Samantha calling out, “Calling Dr. Mumbai! Dr. Mumbai come right away!” And I don’t know how I’d feel about Mumbai Gin as opposed to Bombay Gin. The Madras plaid shirts I wore in high school (which were purposely designed to “bleed” in the wash to mute the bright colors) just wouldn’t be the same if I called them Chennai plaid. I also can’t come to terms with calling it the Black Hole of Kolkata instead of Calcutta.

I consider myself an intelligent, independent, progressive woman--a woman who usually embraces change. But there comes a time when I have to draw the line. And this is it.

I have decided to rebel, to rise up and revolt by willfully continuing to think of these places as Bombay, Calcutta and Madras. Just the same way I like to think of Iran as still being Persia; Thailand as Siam (hmmm…would they call it “Si” food, I wonder?): Myanmar as Burma (Myanmar Shave signs just don’t cut it); Istanbul as Constantinople; the Czech Republic as Czechoslovakia; and …

Well, you get the idea.

Oh Dr. Bombay! Dr. Bombay, come right away!

A Good Dose of Laughter for Whatever Ails You

DaisyDexterDobbs@gmail.com (Daisy Dexter Dobbs) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 08:57:00 +0000

In lieu of a regular post today, I thought I’d gather some of the delightful jokes that friends, readers and other bloggers have sent me recently and post those. With economy woes, winter’s flu season and life’s daily grind, it’s a shame not to share a few healthy giggles, don’t you think?

Enjoy--and feel free to pass them on to your friends to bring a smile to their day too!

A Very Special Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful, curvaceous young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

“No,” the old man said. “I’d like to see something more special.”

After looking through his special stock, the jeweler returned. Presenting a stunning ring, he said, “This is one of our finest, and only $40,000.”

The young woman’s eyes sparkled and her whole shapely body trembled with excitement.

Seeing her enthusiastic reaction, the old man said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made. “By check,” the old man stated. “I know you’ll need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. Then I’ll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.”

The jeweler agreed.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” the old man said. “But let me tell you about my weekend!”
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In need of a Push

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man got up and went to the door to find a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain and asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” the husband said. “It’s three a.m.!” He slammed the door and returned to bed.

“Who was that?” his wife asked.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push.”

“Did you help him?” she asked.

“No! It’s three in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” his wife said. “Remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should go help him. And you should be ashamed of yourself!”

Doing as he was told, the man got dressed and went out into the pounding rain.

“Hello, are you still there?” he called into the dark.

“Yes!”

“Do you still need a push?”

“Yes, please!”

“Where are you?” the husband asked.

“Over here on the swing,” the drunk replied.
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Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

So he took out a business card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
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Memory Clinic

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was wonderful.”

“That’s great! And what was the name of the clinic?”

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s it!”

He turned to his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”
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Pulling the Plug

Last night my husband and I were sitting in the den and I said to him, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So he got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.
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