I know it’s been a while since we last spoke – I want to thank you for all the contributions of stories, articles and experiences you’ve shared. I’m finally back from all my travels the last six months, and will start looking through all the wonderful words you’ve shared.

To start us off, I want to share a story from Charlotte, about society, acceptance and how sometimes even those who profess to accept still have a ways to go in acceptance.

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Don’t laugh at me

The other day my family and I were eating out at Café Nero in Derby.
We walked in and got ourselves something to eat and drink.
My parents told my Sister and I to go and find a seat so that is what we did.
My Sister looked over and saw a lady and said do you think that’s a bloke? Being a Crossdresser myself I looked over and then looked back at my sister and said so what if she is. With that my Mum and Step Dad came over to the table my Sister had to point the lady out to them.
My Mum and Step Dad as well as my Sister all know that I Crossdress
although they don’t understand and some would feel uncomfortable if I were Crrossdressed in front of them. I know that they don’t understand and don’t want to see me Crossdressed, but they are of the opinion that people should be who they want to be as long as they’re not trying to inflict it on you.
My other family don’t know about me Crossdressing and that is how it will remain as they don’t understand why people do it either.
Not long after I was outed to the family that know my Nan said they saw a guy dressed as a girl in Tesco’s and was saying “he looked silly” and was really ripping him apart saying “I don’t know what he thought he looked like” etc. I thought fair credit to the guy/girl as they are expressing themselves without
fear of judgment or being judged and that is how ideally it should be.

The second time my Nan and this time my Mum would bring the subject up as when they went out to some National Trust house. In the grounds they were holding the Bearded Theory Festival. There was a guy in a dress with a beard
who fell under the scrutiny of my Nan and my Mum. My Nan being an oldie feels that people that are Gay, Lesbian, Crossdressers etc shouldn’t show it or “Flaunt it” as she says. I’m not gay myself but I think as my parents say what does it matter as long as you’re not trying to push someone into doing or being something they’re not then it’s fine.

Getting back to the original Café Nero experience and this is where the other experiences that the others have had ties in with all this; the person who was Crossdressed at Café Nero was not causing any trouble and was minding their
own business so why did my family have to make remarks at this experience of seeing them?

My Step Dad looked over once and then kept on looking over even though after the first comment he made it seem clear that he disapproved and was of disgust of the lady who had come out Crossdressed. The lady after all was only
sat minding her own business relaxing in the Café on her computer. I will admit I looked over a couple of times because it is the first time I have seen anyone brave enough to go out Crossdressed; and it is the first time other than myself in the mirror that I’ve been face to face another Crossdresser.

I was proud to see that the lady didn’t even react to us looking over but then I guess that is how you deal with any unwanted attention that you are receiving.

Why do people they say they don’t mind people being themselves when they comment about them when the person who is different isn’t doing anything to the onlooker? Perhaps people who wish to comment in a negative way should
stop, think then if the feeling is still negative either go away and educate themselves, ask the person for the information e.g. why do you Crossdress etc or better still remain silent.

Charlotte

P.S. Stay tuned for a fabulous competition that is coming soon!

It has been almost two months since I last shared with you. Even though I have been far from my keyboard, you have not been far from my thoughts. I have been so blessed in my transgender journey that I feel a tugging need to give back to the community.

Write for Crossdresser Heaven

As a writer my words, my thoughts and experiences are the way in which I can most deeply honor you. Through my journey I have had many who helped me. There were those who touched me directly in person, but I took no small measure of courage from the articles I read on the Internet and from the stories I got lost in, crafted by talented writers such as Jennifer Boylan.

During these last few months I have discovered a beautiful and powerful part of my life. I believe I’ve been living life the way I was meant to be. As the scars of surgery fade and the waves of recovery ebb I feel healed and whole.

Yet as I don my life fully, I find that I have less time to reflect and share. I go to sleep at night after a full day with so much still undone.

I started Crossdresser Heaven to discover who I was, and to share my journey so that others may find love, encouragement and compassion. Now that I have less time to write for Crossdresser Heaven, I know that I am no longer fulfilling the mission I started with.

I need some help!

A call for contributors

Any online community thrives with regularly updated content that shares a diverse perspective with the world. I want to ensure that Crossdresser Heaven can continue to serve cross dressers, transgender women, those questioning their gender identity and the partners and families of those in the community. So I am asking for your help!

I’m looking for 3 or 4 writers who would be willing to write an article a month for Crossdresser Heaven. If you want to touch thousands with your journey or encourage those just starting their own, please email me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com. If you want to inspire someone to take their first courageous step, or weep with a wife who just discovered her husband is a cross dresser, please email me.

I look forward to hearing from you, and to keep the community on Crossdresser Heaven strong for years to come.

With hugs and blessings,
Vanessa

I got shivers up my spine as I thought about my transgender experience. Shame has been a constant companion through my journey, it has haunted me even as I asked the question of my readers,  “Are you ashamed of being a crossdresser” and even when I stand on the mountaintop victorious over shame I’m aware that it still bides it’s time, hoping for an insurrection of my spirit.

Secrecy

Those in the transgender community know secrecy well. It has been our bed fellow since before we knew what it meant. Growing up in secrecy we hid our feelings. As we blossomed into adulthood we desperately fought to keep our deepest darkest from others. Like a cancer from within, secrecy ate our souls.

Silence

Like twin demons dancing down the path to despair, silence and secrecy skip hand in hand. Our desire for secrecy kept us silent, and the silence of the community kept others silent. A lot has changed in the last 10 years. The voices of those who can no longer embrace secrecy has sent a cry of hope out into the silence. This was the reason I started Crossdresser Heaven. At first it was my cry for help – to myself, to understand what I was going through. Then it became my cry of hope – small though it may be, I added my voice to the chorus of those offering advice, encouragement and solace. I told my transgender story. I shared your transgender stories.

Judgement

Yet judgement wandered among us still – the judgement of our hearts, the judgement of those with little understanding or care. They condemned us as sinners, as heathens and accused us of all manner of debauchery. They stripped down our identity to a single word, erasing all our good deeds and contributions to hang the sign, “Transgender” around our necks. For many the shame was so strong that we bowed our heads and wore this brand as if it were tattooed on our hearts.

Empathy

It does not need to be this way. We do not need to hide in secret, weep in silence or cower at the judgement foisted upon us. Dear readers, lovely ladies and beautiful kindred spirits, I understand your walk. I know your shame, I feel your struggle, and I hold your hand as you get back up one more time. We are here together. Alone they can isolate us, ridicule us. Together we are strong. Together we can change laws and melt hearts. Together we can find comfort and share warmth.

Together we can pour the salve of empathy on shame. Dousing it so thoroughly that no secrecy, or silence, or judgement can ever infect the beauty of who we are created to be. For all those who have not heard it yet, today I say to you, “me too.“.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

Gathering up the courage

Meet Anita - courageous crossdresser

I was facilitating the TG support group Friday night, and then had dinner with three other gals at the restaurant across the street. We all part ways, but I’m still “dressed up and ready to go.” I don’t want to pack it in, just yet.

A lot of times I stop at the Claremont, the big resort hotel up on the hill on my way home. But it’s too late for the lounge pianist there now. So I go through the Grand Lake district this time. I’m headed for the Alley, a piano bar.

It’s crowded, and I can’t even get near the piano. It doesn’t feel good to me, either. I walk out, and I know that down the street’s a bar called Smitty’s. I never cared much for it as a guy, and probably haven’t been there in ten years.

I notice that I really DON’T want to go there. I’ve been in at least two regular bars in Oakland, and nothing happened, but the thought of this one has me spooked, somehow. I’m considering calling it a night, a little disappointed, but not going to take chances, either.

Then I get an intuition that I need to do this–that this fear is not about safety concerns, it’s more about getting outside my comfort zone.

I didn’t want to walk the half block, though. I felt self-conscious, so I parked my van right in front of Smitty’s. Sat there a minute, got my breath, and went in.

I was nicely dressed, but a little on the flashy side with silver 2″ heels. Had on a pink silk long-sleeved shirt, open, and a purple slight v-neck blouse. The skirt was just below the knees; a nice floral print on it. I had my real hair combed down over my shoulders.

Anita's Halloween Crossdressing Adventure

There were men and women;  black, white and Asian. The place was crowded–not a stool open. There was a cramped pool table and a shuffleboard, so every bit of floor space was taken up with the games. No one smirked or whispered that I saw, but they were definitely watching as I walked to the center of the bar to order. I got my drink, and then I wondered where to stand.  I’ve got an umbrella, a purse, and this drink, and I’m a tall woman standing there sipping away.

Every bit of floor space is in somebody’s way. I REALLY had to remember to stand tall. I felt I looked nice, but it wasn’t doing me any good at the moment. They weren’t buying the act right away, and I wasn’t going to let them know that I was feeling foolish.

Right then an attractive black woman at the bar turned around and asked me how the night was going, and we traded some info on bars in the area. Then she introduced me to her friend Holly, who was also attractive. Talking to them made me feel at ease almost instantly, as I could crowd in with them at the bar. Even when they went back to their conversation, I’d broken the ice.

I finished the first drink, and it was decision time. Point was made; I’d come in. I didn’t have to prove anything more to myself. But just then a stool opened up, and I sat down and ordered a second drink.

The owner was an Asian woman in her 60s–she was friendly. The guy bartender warmed up as the night went on; I could see he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to treat me. Holly kept popping up beside me–she was getting drunk, was mumbling, and it was hard to understand her. I liked her around, though, and I liked looking at our reflections in the mirror. She was blonde, while my hair looked brown in that light. (hide that gray!)

I started in on coffee for a third drink. A group of four rowdy guys stood behind me, and one saw the coffee. “Oh, I was going to buy you a drink, but you’re set.” I don’t know where he was coming from on that one. It wasn’t like I was passing, but he seemed sincere. In my experience, guys will usually ignore me if they’re with friends. If it’s one on one, they’ll talk and ask questions. But his friends were right there; gutsy guy.

They went on talking and laughing, and I felt like they were showing off a little. Some of it was pretty funny, and I’d turn around and smile. Maybe it was the drinks, but I felt pretty, and after awhile everyone forgot I was there–I was just another girl at the bar.

I said thank-you to the bartender and left. I doubt I’ll go back there; it seemed like the kind of bar where having a trans woman come in bothers them more than it intrigues them, and there’s other Oakland bars besides that one. I did feel good that I pushed myself a little, and I do feel like a missionary. Gotta change the world, one bar at a time.

Today’s crossdressing success story is a heart warming story of a lady that finds an unusual twist on the road while she’s out and about as her femme self. There’s something about the peace of being who you are that changes everything. If you’d like to submit your story to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please send 500-700 words of your own sincere awakening – whether large or small – to vanessalaw1@gmail.com. If you’re comfortable sharing pictures, that would inspire others.

An usual success story

An unusual crossdressing success story

My story is quite typical of a cross dresser in some respects but then goes off on a tangent. I first fully cross dressed in 1990 and was as afraid and paranoid as they come to step out in public but I did it with the help of Virginia Prince herself. Shirley was born when I saw the woman in the mirror. She was me and I had to give her a name. I went out as Shirley once or twice a month from then until 1997 when suddenly it wasn’t good enough anymore. I wanted to be a real woman as in genetically complete but that isn’t currently possible so I withdrew resigned to my fate in deep depression. I locked Shirley away for 13 years but in 2010 a change came. My spirit started to lift for what reason I still don’t know but I started to feel more and more girly and by May of 2011 I got Shirley together and she was free again. This time however it was with a different attitude. I no longer cared if I passed or not or if anyone liked it or not. I am to this day defiant. Just try and stop me and I’ll make you pay.

So I started going out as Shirley again once or twice a month but suddenly there came a day I’ve feared for 22 years. I was out as Shirley 6 weeks ago and felt so comfortable as a woman and happy as my natural self and so warmly accepted by everyone suddenly I didn’t want to go back to being Gordon the actor, the clown, so sad, miserable and depressed on masculine island. I’m happy for you boys here having a ball and I hate to leave in what might seem like an undignified rush but that person you see out on the water madly rowing away to the opposite shore is me.

Something magic has happened contrary to what most would expect. I go out as my very friendly, upbeat, humorous loving self and everybody loves me back whether they read me or not and is happy to see me as Shirley. Is it just my personal charm or is it just that no cares anymore? I think it’s a combination of both but mostly my personal charm. I think I could sell bikinis to Eskimos and charm the socks off almost anyone. It works for me and I love it. I can either build my own computer business or go back into computer programming. I’m still thinking about it.

So I’m successfully transgendered and living like or as a woman could and probably will the rest of my life. I am so happy and comfortable in the feminine role my life would’ve been better if I had done it long ago. I was miserable as a man.

So I’ve pulled a Virginia Prince. I’m living as a woman but will not transition like a transsexual. I suppose that makes me a pretty rare bird but it doesn’t really matter in a world where everyone is absolutely unique.

That’s my success story. It was supposed to be impossible or at least very impractical but here I am living my dream. Freedom is priceless.

Shirley xoxo

Today’s crossdressing success story comes from a lady who is caught between a life with a loving wife of many years, and her deepest longings. My heart goes out to her, that she may find a tranquil agreement that allows both her and her wife to be who they are. If you’d like to contribute your own crossdressing success story send your humorous, emotional, joyful, courageous and heartfelt stories to vanessalaw1@gmail.com and I’ll share them with our community.

My Story,

Sometimes beginning at the middle is a good place to start because that is where most stories are composed.
I am where I am, I do not know where I will be in the future. I have some recollection of where I have been – you know how it is as you get older!

My cross-dressing story has been evolving recently. I recently went to see a GP, then a Sex counselor then a psychiatrist. Interesting discussion; however, I really got nowhere with understanding why or what to do?

I am married with a wife who is aware of my need; but is not  accepting. We have been together for over 30 years. I only told her about my need  2 years ago. I have been lucky to the extent that she has not left me; however while she accepts the situation she is very emotionally against it!  Sexual relations have been difficult since my revelation. We have 2 children both of whom have left home. As far as I am aware I do not believe any of my friends or relations, apart from my wife, are aware of my dressing crossing.

We have agreed that given the time we have been together and the difficulties in getting another partner, staying together even with ‘issues’ is better than not. We have a session with my psychiatrist planned in a few weeks. We would like to explore where we might go with our relationship which we are keen to develop further rather than just let it lax.

Each week I have a day off from work while my wife is off with her work. I am Jane then. I dress, put on makeup and go out. Shopping for clothes, makeup, to the movies, the art gallery or just a coffee is my day out as Jane once a week. I would like more; but given work and other commitments it is difficult. Sometimes if I am away with work intercity I have opportunities to dress.

I look forward to ‘my day’ as Jane and see it as an opportunity to throw off my male shackles and immerse myself as a woman. It is a wonderful feeling that is hard to explain; but I have come to accept that this what I need to do and continue to explore and develop….the story continues.

What stops you from crossdressing?

What stops you from crossdressing?

I don’t mean just crossdressing within the safe confines of your own home. I mean going out crossdressed for the first time. I mean gathering up all your self confidence and strutting out the door looking the best you ever have. Boldly going where very few other men have gone before.

Today I’m going to share a few reasons why you might be putting off such an important step, and how you can overcome your barriers to crossdressing.

You have nowhere to go: This is probably the number one reason why people don’t go out crossdressed – because you don’t think that you have anywhere to go, somewhere that is safe, where you won’t be recognized, and someplace that you can enjoy. Just before my transition I used to spend every weekend in a park just round the corner from my house. It was my sanctuary. I was able to be myself for a few hours, enjoy the sunshine with little fear of being outed. It was a safe place for me, and helped me build my confidence to go other places. You might find a local transgender meeting group (also a safe place), or a transgender friendly club or restaurant (your local transgender organization will know of a few) or if you’re fortunate enough – with a group of your friends who are accepting.

You’re afraid: Fear comes in many forms. Fear that you’ll make a fool of yourself, fear that someone will recognize you, fear that you won’t pass and get into trouble. Since I have readers from all over the world it’s worth noting that you should take the time to understand local laws. Generally across the US, Europe and Australia it is not illegal to crossdress. The biggest antidote to fear is experience. Do it a few times and you’ll gain confidence. Spend a few hours en femme and you’ll build the habits and mannerisms that serve you well as you venture further out. Most importantly, start with a place that feels safe to you. Take baby steps.

You look horrific: Honestly sweetie, you don’t look that bad. This is a legitimate worry, since learning to be feminine takes time and practice. Even then many ladies aren’t blessed with the figure to pass there are still things you can do to improve your chances of passing in public. I’ve known many wonderful ladies who didn’t pass, but held their heads high and walked down the street like they belonged. Confidence is the difference between someone pointing and laughing, or someone coming over to chat with you because they find you generally intriguing.

So what stops you from crossdressing?

Hopefully with the few examples I’ve given you, you can see that it’s not the world that stops you from crossdressing, but yourself. Take a moment to think about what’s been holding you back, perhaps this weekend will be different…

Are there other reasons I missed? Please comment and let me know what has held you back, and how you overcame it. This will be a blessing to others just starting out!

—
P.S. Thank you to all the ladies who responded with their crossdressing success stories! I received them, I’ll reply individually soon. If you’d like to share, please submit your crossdressing success story.

Over the last few months I’ll admit to being remiss when it comes to sharing the latest tips, tricks and advice for navigating through life as a woman – whether it be part time for full time. With all my surgeries, I’ve had a lot going on, and finding time to write and answer email has been difficult.

Today I’m excited to announce that I’ll be starting the much loved Crossdresser Success Stories back up. For those who are new, these are real stories from real women about a success they had crossdressing. It can be a small success, such as buying your first feminine piece, or a large success such as going out en femme for the first time, or sharing your secret with someone you love.

To get started, I’d like to ask you to share your crossdressing success story with me by email at vanessalaw1@gmail.com – You don’t need to be a writer to share, just take a few moments to tell me your story. Ideally submissions are between 500-700 words, and include a photo. But don’t feel shy – if you’d rather not include a photo and use a pseudonym, that’s okay too!

I look forward to hearing your stories, and celebrating with you in your moments of triumph!

Blessings,
Vanessa

The travails of long hair

Learn how to handle beautiful long hair

I bet many of you reading this are rolling your eyes at me right now – maybe you’re not able to grow your hair long or have challenges with a receding hairline. You’re probably wondering what I could possibly have to complain about, right? I’ll admit that I am blessed to have a full head of my own hair. But it’s not all sunshine and roses here! There are very real and pressing issues that need to be discussed!

Food and hair don’t mix: My favorite food is Vietnamese noodles. I absolutely love pho, and eat a vegetable pho with fresh tofu just about every week at my favorite pho place just down the road. As my hair has grown I’ve noticed that the tenuous balance between eating pho without spilling it everywhere, and keeping the broth out of my hair has been disrupted. It is genuinely difficult to keep my hair pho free, while at the same time leaning far enough over the bowl to avoid splashing down my shirt as the noodles dance towards my mouth.

Lather, rinse – phew too tired to repeat: Washing my hair has become an event unto itself, that I try to do as infrequently as my personal hygiene standards will allow. It’s not just that I go through shampoo and conditioner like hot dog buns at an all you can eat convention. Washing takes time and energy. Even once it is clean and conditioned, the fun begins. I now need to dry my hair and detangle it. All told it adds an extra 30 minutes to my morning routine.

Color grows out: I think there is a plot amongst colorists. They know that it will be impossible for you to look in the mirror at your faded roots without thinking about giving them a call. It’s like an ad built right in to your body – it’s genius! If I get my hair colored I’m then a slave to the salon every 6 weeks for touch ups.

Hair gets everywhere: On the floor, in the shower, in the sink, on the chair. Strands of my hair make it everywhere. It’s not that I shed at any prolific rate, just that a few strands together seem like a lot more. And vacuum cleaners have a much harder time picking up the hair – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to unclog my machine because of immense hair build up.

It’s not good to dwell too long on the challenges, so getting right to some advice for how to tame your tangle of long hair.

Hair Advice for Crossdressers

Buy a good hairbrush, and use it often: A good hairbrush will glide smoothly through your hair, and feel nourishing and invigorating when you brush your hair. I use a boar hair brush, because it doesn’t get tangled in my hair as easily. I try to give my hair a good brush every night, this helps release the natural oils and distribute them in your hair to make it strong and healthy.

Use conditioner – lots of it: Conditioner is your best friend – it helps to seal in moisture in your hair, and revitalize it after too many weeks of a harsh hairdryer’s heat. I personally prefer to use organic conditioner, such as Avalon organics, because I try to treat my hair with the same respect I treat the rest of my body. I don’t like pesticides and chemicals to be part of my life journey.

Brush from bottom to top: Brushing from bottom to top protects your hair, because you get all the snacks on the ends out before brushing from the top. This means there is less pressure and yanking on your scalp. This women demonstrates how she brushes her gorgeously long hair.

Don’t be afraid to experiment: Hair is one of the most versatile fashion accessories. We can wear it up or down, curled or straight. We can change the color and texture, add highlights or lowlights. We can pin it or tie it in ribbons, and it always looks sexy when we toss back our head and laugh with joy.

What are your favorite tips for dealing with long hair?

If you’re not fortunate enough to have your own hair, I recommend a human hair wig. Human hair tends to fall more naturally, and be easier to keep clean and styled.

It has been a long time since I wrote to you – I have so much to say, but first I want to apologize. Some of you may have received an email from me with a very old article. The last few days I’ve been working to move Crossdresser Heaven over to a more stable server, and I must have done something that sent out the email. Quite what I’m not sure – computers can be like that sometimes, can’t they? [Thanks to all of you who emailed me confused as to why I was sending out such an old email!]

I believe, and hope and pray, that all my surgeries are now over. Last year I had facial feminization surgery, as well as a vaginoplasty. A few weeks ago I had a labiaplasty and breast augmentation. My body has been contoured and cut, moved, shaped and stitched back together. The pain has not only been physical, but emotional as well. It has been a long road back to full health, and I’ve still got a few weeks yet before I’m there.

I did have a breakthrough this weekend, when I realized that I am not ashamed. I had been steadily beating my shame back, and every time it would find a cunning way to ensnare me. I believe, and hope, that I have purged the last of my transgender shame. Take a moment to click on the link above to read my full story – I’d love to hear your experiences overcoming shame.

It has been a long road back, but the further I travel the more I notice how colorful the flowers along the roadside are, the more I appreciate the caring smiles of those I hold dear.

May your week be a blessed one!