I was about two thirds of the way through my ride when I spotted a couple of guys up ahead. One was on a bike and the other was carrying a skate board. The guy with the skate board looked like he was angry at something. He was mouthing something at me that I couldn’t make out. As I “raced” by I heard him say “F#@* You!!!” Welcome to Missouri… Philly’s got nothing on this place right? Now I know you are wondering what I said back to the guy aren’t you. I was by myself and had my ENTIRE vocabulary at my disposal. I didn’t make the sign of the cross and say God bless you you miserable piece of friend! Neither did I return the greeting in like kind. All I could think to do was smile and say “thank you!”Yeah I know, not very manly huh? I’ll be honest…for about the next half mile I debated turning around and going back to show him the love of Jesus first hand. After all he had insulted me and my “manhood” right? I imagined in my mind the different scenarios from beating the crap out of him to getting the crap beaten out of me (I know, it’s hard to imagine isn’t it?), to the two of us kneeling to pray (ok…that part is a lie).

Anyway, for better or worse that’s the truth and I’m sticking by it. The reality is there are hateful (hurting) people everywhere. It’s nice to know that Philly doesn’t have the market cornered. It’s also nice to know that God has divine appointments for us of all kinds. Who knows…maybe I’ll see him again and we can continue our conversation….

The Flag. One of my close friends Pat Fensom is a Sergeant Major in the Army Special Forces. He has done two combat tours in Afghanistan. Pat flew this flag for me on his first tour. My Dad taught me at an early age to honor our flag and the veterans who have risked their lives to defend it. Every day I’m reminded of those in harms way and the sacrifice they make. They are our heroes! This is one of my prized possessions. Thanks again Sergeant Major! Here is what it says on the back of my flag box…

FROM THE MEN OF WBA 313
1st BATTALION, 3rd SPECIAL FORCES GROUP (AIRBORNE)
FIREBASE LANE, AFGHANISTAN

With great pride and honor this flag is presented to:

John Cremeans

For over two centuries the American Flag, representing the spirit, values and freedom of all Americans has flown over battlefields around the world. This American Flag was flown over Firebase Lane, Zabul Province, Afghanistan. For years, Firebase Lane has been a key staging area for Special Forces detachments conducting combat operations in support of the Global War on terrorism. The continued presence of the American flag over the compound demonstrates America’s resolve in fighting terrorism.

In remembrance of the souls of 9/11…

Flown on the 11th day of September 2005

Patrick. S. Fensom
Master Sergeant, USA
Operations Sergeant

Both my bobbleheads were gifts. That is one part I will miss about being a pastor…people bring you cool stuff. For now, I will have to depend on my friend Ed Trinkle for any new bobbleheads. I’d like to get on of Charlie Manuel and Ryan Howard someday. I was so thankful that God allowed me to go home for almost 9 years. I’m glad my kids got to fully experience everything. I will miss the incredible fall seasons (nothing compares), and the springtime when I couldn’t breath because of my allergies. Most of all I will miss the incredible people. They are what make the area so special.

I have 2 Starbucks mugs on my desk from mission trips I was priviledged to take. One was from a stopover in London on the way to Russia and the other is from Germany where I visited on the way home from Moldova.
 
Here are some things I try to remember about my trips.
 
The children. They will just melt your hearts. They crave love. Most have suffered abuse in multiple ways, yet they meet you with a curious welcoming smile. God burns their images into your heart. Seeing the kids changes you forever.
 
The poverty. It’s unbelievable. It’s dirty and smells bad. The desperation is palatable. Jesus had much to say about loving the poor and most Americans will never interface with those whose lives have been devastated by poverty. Experiencing poverty causes you to rethink your priorities and thank God for what you have
 
The Teams. Most of my close friends and family have gone with me. I have lost count of how many trips God has blessed me to go on. From Mexico when I was a teenager to China a year ago, the people that go with you impact your life. The long talks on even longer flights and seeing friends expressions as they take it all in. Changed lives…mine and theirs.
 
The Sister Churches. Just can’t say enough about them and their hospitality. The smiles and hugs…I’ve had a few elderly Russian women kiss me on the cheek so hard I swear it left a mark! I will always remember the baptisms and church services. The communion service where ONE chalice was passed around to about 30 people (yes I drank out of it). These experiences have been a microcosm of what heaven will be like as we worship together and understand each other.
 
Two mugs…lots of reminders. Not sure where and when again but I will go on another trip and I’ll fall in love with more children, be inspired to push back against poverty, make new friends for life, and connect with my brothers and sisters abroad.
 
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If you came to my desk today this is part of what you would see…it is all intentional.
 
In between the coffee mugs is a laminated copy of the program for the first funeral I ever offitiated. It was on 8/7/09 for a friend of mine named David. David took his own life at the age of 41. I have never known anyone who put more effort into a marriage. His wife had cheated on him several times but he kept going the extra mile to make it work. Finally after multiple betrayals, the pain became too great and he snapped. To this day I still think about David and wonder if I could have made more of a difference. I know David is with Jesus today and that his family misses him dearly.
 
Why have I kept this reminder for 9 years? It’s because it serves as a reminder to me that pain is real and has the potential to kill. I was the first person to go into the house after they took David’s body away. It was terrible. There, open on David’s desk was his checkbook. Undoubtedly the failed rationship, financial pressure, living with his parents, and work pressure was too much. I miss him as I write this.
 
We never know what is going on deep down inside someone’s mind and heart. God wants to use the pain in our lives to teach us and make us more like Jesus. The enemy want to use pain to discourage us and take us out. Either way it’s real and it just plain stinks. So, take pain seriously. Let God channel it in a way that gives him glory and promotes his purposes. Take relationships serious. Make the most of the opportunities to encourage and make a difference in the lives of those you come in touch with. Be intentional.
 
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Anyway, I started reading the first chapter and the author talked about his own personal relationship crisis that he had gone through as a pastor and began to unpack some of the ways he coped. Galloway mentioned the serenity prayer that many of you are familiar with…”God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… courage to change the things I can… and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Accept the things I cannot change…sometimes I live in denial or maybe I’m just naive. I waste all kinds of valuable engergy trying to change things that are impossible to change. You do it too. Maybe we try so hard to control and change certain situations or people in our lives as a way of protecting ourselves. Our self-effort keeps us from surrendering to reality. Reality is that people make mistakes…sometimes situations are heart breaking, but the way to moving forward is to stand up and face the music. I thought of this watching Michael Vick (yes I love his addition to my Eagles and yes I abhore the things he did to animals) today. He owned his mistakes. He faced the questions and, I thought, answered them with candor, contrition and honesty.

I’m reminded today that the God I serve is mighty to save. He has power that I don’t have but his power is available to you and to me. What is it today that you are unwilling to accept? Your health, a broken relationship, a job lost, a bad investment, or that the cowboys won’t win a playoff game in this decade? Accepting doesn’t mean I give up or give in it just means that I let go…and then I let God. Try it. One change you will see is in your attitude.

This week has been a rebound week for me. Michelle and the kids are settled in and there is some normalcy to our schedule. The kids start school next Tuesday so they are gearing up. My job is going well…still swimming to the top but I’ll get there eventually. I love the people God has me working with and am getting used to being his representative in the marketplace.

Emotionally I am moving forward. Some setbacks here and there but God has been drawing me back slowly but surely. Church is difficult. I miss preaching in a big way but that’s not what God has for me right now. He has been providing for me in several ways. Emotionally he is encouraging me through his peace and comfort. I look back and can see where he has brought me and that gives me pause to think about the future. Having said that, my goal is to live in the moment and maximize the opportunities he has for me today. Fellowship Church continues to bless me with notes and encouragement. They took up a love offering last Sunday to help with our moving expenses! What a humbling situation to be on the receivning end of such wonderful givers. Thank you all who helped us. I talked with Gus yesterday and he keeps me posted on the progress of hiring my replacement. I’m blessed to have friends like Gus and FC is fortunate to have someone of his caliber leading you through this time.

I began this post with a verse from Psalms that speaks to God’s provision. Sometimes instead of God supplying your “desire,” he instead supplies us with his peace. Have you ever considered that fact? Sometime he opens his hand and surrounds you with his grace in a way that just washes over you. So…that would be the best way to explain where I am walking today. Since my last post God has been opening his hand to me and I am satisfied today in him. I will stay in that moment and make it last as long as I can. Thanks you Jesus

 Been feeling a lot of anxiety and sadness today. I can’t get my arms around all that I’ve lost. To be honest, “the best is yet to come” feels like a load of crap right now…just saying.

 I feel like I’ve lost so much it is difficult to stay focused on what I still have. I got to live in my dream house, with my dream family, work my dream job with my dream team, live near where I grew up with my favorite teams…had the best church family any pastor could hope to have.

 Now most of my dreams seem gone and it seems as if I have lost the will/ability to dream. Gotta be honest…kind of hating life right now. At least now there will be some finality to this new stage of life.

 So there you have it…raw and real. I feel as if I have lost my voice that God gave me. I won’t be blogging for a while…just not that much to say.

 Not looking for sympathy or feedback…just wanted to put this out there. Pray that this season of healing and mourning will go as God wants it to go. Pray that I won’t sucumb to self pity and that I wi wait patiently to what God has for me. I still work for him and serve at his pleasure…

 Thanks to those who helped and contributed to our move and more importantly the love that you poured into my family. I will be eternally grateful.

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 Last night I was talking to my 11 year old Drew. He said “dad, at camp they said everything happens for a reason and that God has a purpose for us in those plans.”. Sounded pretty good so far…so I agreed …”that’s right son.”

 Then Drew said, “Dad, I like our plans better than God’s plans. He is probably taking us to MO to reach people brt I think we can reach people at “our” churc!”

 I agreed with him somewhat. I told him that I felt very much like he did…especially on Sundays. Sundays are bittersweet for me. God never calls us to like his plans but he does admonish us to trust him and obey. That is what I am seeking to do today…trust and obey.

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