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She’s too sexy for her shawl,
Too sexy for her shawl,
I hope she doesn’t fall!

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One of the many perks that come with being an elderly person is Seniors Day. Once a month many businesses give away freebies and discounts. It’s not because the senior citizen market is lucrative or anything like. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Seniors spend very little money, take up seating that would otherwise be used for the spending public, and bog down employees with their long-winded stories of days gone by.

So why would any establishment want to have a seniors day? Public relations. Being nice to old people  makes them look like good guys. That’s right…the only reason they do it is to appear to be good members of the community .

Seniors know this, and take full advantage. In fact they play it for all it’s worth. If those stupid merchants want to look like good guys they’ll have to pay the price in coupons and free stuff.

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Loose dentures can create some very embarrasing situations. Especially when you’re out on a hot date… as depicted in this cartoon.

You need a denture adhesive with holding power. Don’t just trust the advertisments, do your own research. Buy a few different brands and  test them out one by one to see which one has the best holding power.

Here’s an sure-fire way to test your dentures.
Sitting in your wheel chair or scooter, hold firmly on to the arm rest or handle bars. Latch on to the first ass that walks by with your teeth. The subject should flee in pain and terror. If your teeth separate from the rest of your body, the denture cream used is no good. However, if you are taken on a wild ride behind the screaming subject, the denture cream is a keeper.

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Elderly women don’t buy bras. Well, maybe some do, but usually when a lady reaches a certain age, and the effects of gravity sets in, a bra just doesn’t do it anymore. Once they hit a certain age, most old ladies seek out alternate ways of supporting thier breasts. Like the grandma shopping with her grandaughter in this cartoon.

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Who says life after rock and roll can’t be fun? Just ask ex rocker and senior citizen Gene Simmons of the famous rock band, Kiss. The Kiss alumnist is shown here playing jump rope with his gran daughters. His now saggy, and warn out tongue which once drove groupies wild with desire, is now stretched out, and limp. Making it perfect for an afternoon game of jump rope.

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Working with the elderly is rewarding, but it does have it’s challenges. It takes a special kind of person to clean and change the bum of a 97 year old man. I don’t know how much a seniors care nurse makes, but whatever it is, it’s not enough.

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Billy’s first venture was a lemon-aid stand, but after a week of slow sales, he decided to do a little market research.

Turns out that the average age in his neighborhood was 70 years old because of the retirement home on his block. This being the case it only made sense to offer a service targetted towards the local demographic. 

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Need a new hip but can’t afford hip replacement surgury? Now there’s a low cost alternative called Jiffy Hip!

No need to spend the grandchildren’s inheritance on a new hip when you refurbish your old hip at a fraction of the cost.

Jiffy Hip …We’ll screw you every time!

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Compulsive behavior is not just for the young. In fact many seniors suffer from various forms of this frustrating and often debilitating condition including….

- Chronic Complaining
- Denture sucking
- repetitive story telling
- uncontrolled flatulence
- over observation of juvenile growth
(or myhowyou’vegrownitus)

The next time your elderly loved one pinches your cheek, or tells you the same boring story, they’ve told you a thousand times before, be patient and try to remember that it’s a condition of which they have no control over.

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