Craftastrophe

{Mildly NSFW} If You Didn’t Already Know What a Merkin Is…You Are Welcome

Cat Rocketship — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 14:30:08 +0000

These unique fuzzy merkins come in a variety of colors (and cuts)! They look to be really nicely made pieces, but so bizarre that they deserve a feature. And WOW they do not pop out as big sellers.

I don’t know. Maybe a lonely heart somewhere will stumble upon this listing and fuzzy faux-fur merkins will become her new secret fetish. She will don a different color every day and keep it secretly hidden under her sweatpants. It will give her the inner confidence to change her life. Her merkin will be the Towanda to her Kathy Bates. (Am I the only one who recently watched Fried Green Tomatoes?)

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Cat Rocketship is an artist, who just had to add “merkin” to her web browser’s dictionary.

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Bigfoot on the toilet – fine art, indeed

suebob — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:00:29 +0000

If art broadens your horizons, I’m not sure I want horizons this big:

The title is

“Bigfoot breaks into some Dude’s Cabin and Totally takes a fat Dump in his toilet”

Wow. Kinda has a “Mona Lisa” ring to it, doesn’t it?

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Suebob believes that poop and art should stay far, far away from one another.

Not the same, but still fun:

Something To Nibble On…

Gillian — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:46:36 +0000

I happened to be searching for local Alaskan Craftastrophes when I spotted this little gem, made right in my home town of Wasilla, Alaska.

Yep, that’s a rare spotting of an Alaskan snuggle pillow. I haven’t seen one in the wild in years… especially not in the coveted maroon color WITH latex nipples in a DD size! I think the crochet is a nice touch- I like all my perv-y pillows to have a homemade look to them. That way it’s easier for them to blend in with the other pillows on the couch! Enjoy trying to get this image out of your head for the rest of the day…

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Gillian Wright keeps it real about kids, crafts, organizing, and (lack of) housework at Mrs. Wright, Gone Wrong.

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Aye, like a map of Ireland

Samantha Jo — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:00:41 +0000

Today is St. Patrick’s Day and even those without a touch o’ Irish pumping through their veins seem to be celebrating. I mean, it’s a free pass to inhale corned beef and Guinness right? But if partaking in traditional food and drink seem too commonplace for you, if you’re really looking to spice it up a bit, then might I suggest this lovely little number:

I mean really. You won’t even NEED a shirt that says ”Kiss me, I’m Irish!” because the ladies will come a’ chargin’!

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Yes, while Samantha is indeed part Irish you will not be seeing any foreign materials encompassing her face.

Not the same, but still fun:

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

suebob — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:00:26 +0000

A reminder from your friends at Craftastrophe – please don’t drink too much green beer today, or you’ll end up looking like this:

Or you may make a drunken mistake, get online and end up spending $175 on something like this:

Why, yes, that IS the Conan O’Brien dollhouse miniature leprechaun you had always wanted! It must be the luck of the Irish.

{Source} Jerry the (hungover) leprechaun

{Source} Conan O’Leprechaun

Suebob does not look good in green.

Not the same, but still fun:

{NSFW} Bust of the Artist’s Mistress

Cat Rocketship — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:30:14 +0000

It’s the price that always gets me on these things: for $1,700, this fine wooden sculpture of titties can make your desk a less lonely place.

“Hand sculpted wooden, life-size bust of the artist’s mistress.
For many years she sat upon my desk, conjuring up many a nostalgic reminiscence from a time when this smooth wooden sculpture here before me was subtle flesh, filling the air with a touch of Shalimar and palpable desire.
Young men were honored and felt somewhat gifted to be in the presence of a Liz Taylor look-alike dressed up like a sweet hippie in estrus.”

And now I know that you are thinking, “Of course I want to buy a likeness of a sweet hippie in estrus. But what would I do with a boobie sculpture? Surely my wife would not approve!”

Fear not, the artist has thought of everything: There is apparently built in storage of some sort, which should make it okay in onlookers’ eyes. That, or you can point each tata independently. Either way, this is clearly a must-add for your art collection.

{Source}

Cat Rocketship is an artist, but doesn’t believe that boobs should be the only feature in a work of art.

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Idiots: Unite!

Renee — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:00:21 +0000

Have you ever looked into your jewelry box and thought to yourself, “I wish my accessories had something to say!”?

Did you want that thing to be, “I am an idiot with too much money”?

If so, your dream is about to come true!

Introducing the “Pearly Sleeping Beauty Collage Statement Necklace” from CandyBellaJewelry!

CandyBella’s “highly collectible couture art pieces” are made from “vintage estate jewelry that’s been revamped and glitterized, and tonnnnns of swarovski crystals and glass beads,” allowing you the rare opportunity to broadcast your idiocy to the world at full volume for only $150!

The visionary behind CandyBella, Kati, is a “self-proclaimed ‘glamour addict’” whose definition of “glamour” includes stars, hearts, and “her favorite adhesive, the same formula used in the world’s best surfboard repair shops.”

Her long-winded profile contains a fairytale mess of insights into her creative process, like this Swarovski gem: “Tiny multi-colored glass finishing beads the size of sand grains are what Kati calls the “cupcake sprinkles” of the pieces, explaining that while the majority of them will remain in place, the natural falling of a few of these mini marbles is a natural part of the CandyBella experience, the same way that sprinkles tumble from the tops of cupcakes.”

In addition to the Pearly Sleeping Beauty Collage Statement Necklace, CandyBella’s Etsy shop also offers this lovely Snow White Cuff (tiara not included) that promises to make you the center of your own $300 Lady Gaga fairytale with its “gold resin wings, surrounded by handpainted porcelain roses, vintage rhinestone pieces, tiny pearls, tons of swarovski crystals in different colors, and a little Dopey is peeking around the back of the cuff for a dash of fun.”

A little Dopey is right!

Or if Snow White’s not your style, you can also opt for this purple Moonbeam Unicorn Princess Cuff inspired by CandyBella’s “favorite 80s GirlPower superheroes” (who apparently wished to remain otherwise nameless out of fear that they would lose every sliver of their GirlPower street cred).

Like a vajazzled cho cha, “the best part is discovering the beautiful layers for yourself!”.

But just in case you don’t like $350 surprises, CandyBella gives you the run down on this glorified Mattel wrist band: “Giant laquered plastic unicorn head surrounded by hundreds of silver and neon pink pearls, vintage rhinestone jewelry, silver stars, and sparkly bits; all mounted on an adjustable silver plated cuff with a decorative inlay inside.”

Somewhere, Jem is cutting herself and crying.

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Renee keeps her glittery unicorns on the inside.

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Out damned spot! Out I say!

Kelley — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:00:36 +0000

This is pretty cool.

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I am in the middle of a laundry renovation. And when I say ‘renovation’ I mean I just chucked out all the crap that belonged to everyone else and then hung some curtains.

Ta Da!

I am so freaking Martha Stewart I scare myself.

Anyhoo, I decided to go to my new BFF Etsy to find a little somethin’ somethin’ to brighten up my washing day blues.

Holy shit.

Seriously.

Type ‘laundry’ into Etsy search…

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Now that is one way to kick laundry’s arse. But I am thinking they may clash with my colour scheme…

This is betterer.

Doing laundry can be a love letter – the clothes, three days on the line – the way you fold each small sleeve pleases my heart

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Just a little reminder that poetry doesn’t have to make sense. And at 200 bucks for a pencil scrawl on printer paper while regaining consciousness after that blow to the head, sorry pen and ink illustrated on archival Bristol Vellum paper, seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.

But not as sweet as my OWN PATRON SAINT!

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Who woulda thought that there was a patron saint of laundry. And her name would be Martha.

Thankyou Etsy.

Kelley, who believes that the laundry room is the perfect place to stash the chocolate. And wine.

Not the same, but still fun:

Souls Are Overrated

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:51:01 +0000

How do you feel about your soul? Are you tired of trying to make your current one work? Would you like to upgrade to a newer model but you’ve no idea how to remove the one you already have?!?! Well now you can!* Introducing the revolutionary new Creepy Zombie Doll! He’ll suck your soul out in seconds flat!**

But wait, there’s more! Act now and we’ll also send you this “StrangeBorn” doll complete with the facial abnormalities of a rare genetic disorder! She’ll be sure to scare off…well…every living and unliving thing you could possibly imagine (with the exception of Creepy Zombie Doll).

As part of our exciting offer, if you call in the next twenty minutes we’ll include this second, even more terrifying, Creepy Zombie Doll to suck out the soul of your loved one. That’s three dolls for the price of only two souls!

*New soul sold separately.

**Doll maker can not guarantee soul sucking. Actual results may vary.

***Not actually an infomercial. This was only a recreation of the nightmares I enjoyed all night long after looking at these little jewels.

{source} (Thanks Reader Kerrie!)

Elly Lou (and what’s left of her soul) rambles regularly on her blog BugginWord.com.

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{NSFW} Excuse me? Are you finished with those Pringles?

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 14:21:00 +0000

Mmmmm… Pringles….

Um. Ya. I don’t think I’ll ever eat them again without thinking of this…

Empty the chips out of the can. You can use whatever brand and flavor you prefer, but we like the one shown here for the container’s ergonomic shape and durable, colorful plastic.

Empty the chips? Seriously, unless you’re going to enjoy them at the same time as you’re enjoying the container, eat the chips first. You’ll feel so much better.

To use your homemade flashlight toy, squirt some water-based, non-greasy lube into the condom and insert your penis. Cover the hole in the can with the tip of your finger to control the amount of “suction” you get. Closing the hole will increase the suction, so leave it open as you stroke in, and cover it on the out stroke.

Mmmm, enjoying your chips? Riveting, isn’t it?

Remove the foam roll and replace the condom after use (or rinse and reuse, if you’re really cheap). Use a textured condom turned inside out for more stimulation. Because the condom has a small opening on the end, the foam at the bottom of the can will periodically need to be replaced

Ew.

When stored with the lid on, the homemade flashlight can be conveniently camouflaged as an innocent can of potato chips (the can on the left has an advantage because its lid is opaque).. However, you need to release the edge of the condom from the lip of the can before you put the top on. If the condom is stretched around the top when you put the lid on, the lid will cut through the thin rubber of the condom. Leave the top of the condom loose, push the foam in, and cover with the lid. To use, just pop the top, pull the foam out a bit, and restretch the rubber.

You know when someone can provide THAT much detail, this thing wasn’t made on a whim. It’s been used OVER AND OVER to the point they’ve perfected it.

*shudder*

Remember, the can itself may be harmless, but when you’re asked for that container, a 1 ¼” O-ring, scissors, a condom and Sharpie markers you’d best be prepared. I, on the other hand am a little leery of the number click-throughs I’m going to see as you dirty perverts go check out how to make these.

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